Istanamu Syurga Nanti - Babah, Ayah, Papa, Abah, Abi :)

wahai ayahanda

lihatkanlah aku

berlari kini

melompat tinggi

setiapnya kerna kau tak pernah pergi

 apa layak aku bagi?

tak terbalas sampai mati

kau sungguh yang paling tinggi

istanamu syurga nanti

- Fynn Jamal

pernah beberapa kali nangis dengar lagu ni.
setiapnya kerna kau tak pernah pergi
kau pergi. kau tak dapat lihat aku berlari, melompat tinggi. tapi aku tahu, kau mahu.
istanamu syurga nanti
kau lelaki tak terganti. aku tak dapat, tak sempat bagi apa-apa. tapi yang menantimu, syurga.

babah :)


don't worry, this isn't even one of those days.
just feel this is the right day to share the song with anak-anak and bapak-bapak out there :)


dah alang-alang tu nak share sikitlah satu status kak fynn ni:

"selamat hari bapa"
"ala hari2 pun hari bapa"

"selamat hari ibu"
"hari ni je sayang ibu?"

"syukur alhamdulillah untuk rezeki kali ini"
"kali ini je? nafas kau hari2. jantung berdegup tiap saat? x syukur sekali?"

malaysian.

hanya di malaysia perlu kita cakap ayat penuh kerana macammana kita selalu lafaz "niat cuma tuhan yang tau"-- kita tak cukup kalau CUMA tuhan tau.

kena ucap.
sebab bagi mereka selagi kau tak buktikan PADA MEREKA yang kau layak untuk tuhan--
kau perlu pandai2 "golek sendiri masuk dalam kubur".

astaghfirullah.

ngeri aku.
sebab aku tak tau pulak memang haknya begitu.
sebab apa yang aku tau,
asal namanya saudara kita dalam agama--
MACAMMANA PUN hina nampaknya dia di mata dunia--
kifayah kita menguruskannya.

kita dok buruk2kan sistem kasta dalam agama hindu.
kita sendiri--
kadang2 sama.

berkasta juga.

kepada semua,
lepas ini nak tulis apa2--
sila tulis penuh2 jangan tergantung2. 
malaikat atas bahu kiri kanan tak penting mana rupanya.

kebaikan--
PERLU diberitahu sesama manusia.

kalau tidak--
pandai2lah kau golek masuk liang lahat menunggu akhirat.



oh ini terbaik. perlu diprint dan diedarkan setiap hari ibu, hari bapa, hari guru, maulud nabi, hari merdeka, anniversary dll kepada orang yang kata "sebenarnya hari-hari kita kena [isi tempat kosong], bukan hari [isi tempat kosong] je".

hari-hari macamni ada, sebab walau macam mana sayang dan hargai pun, walaupun kau hari-hari beli kek, masakkan dinner, tulis kad, kasi bunga, malah yang terbaik doa - kita manusia sifatnya pelupa. untuk yang super pelupa, hari-hari macamni yang ingatkan mereka. kalau kita tak pelupa, kalau kita sambut hari-hari biasa jadi hari-hari istimewa, takyah nak rasa super sangatlah bila ada yang pilih untuk sambut pada hari macamni.

siapa pulak suruh hargai and sayang masa hari tertentu je? takde peraturan macam tu pun. hari-hari tersebut ialah hari untuk sambut. orang sekarang ada yang bekerja, belajar jauh. time ni lah nak balik, nak call, nak hantar kad ke. bukan semua duduk dengan mak bapak dia boleh buat camtu hari-hari. bukan semua orang tak malu macam aku nak tunjuk kasih sayang hari-hari. jadi hari ni hari mereka mula biasakan diri. salah?

pastu memang ada jenis manusia -

"bestnya novel ni"
"bukan nak baca quran"

"had a good time with my girls tonight"
"kan elok pegi masjid"

"cantik tak selendang ni"
"cantik lagi tudung labuh"

"nak kumpul duit untuk jenjalan nanti"
"baiklah sedekah ke apa ke"

and the list goes on and on. memang perlu la pulak nak bagitau satu dunia kan kalau baca quran, pegi masjid, tudung labuh, sedekah sekalipun.


celebrate and appreciate are two different things. appreciate everyday, celebrate on any special day. okay? *sigh* if you're too awkward to do it throughout the year, a celebration can be as simple as a hug, a kiss, and an "I love you father." while he's here.

if he's not, as simple as a prayer.

Girl Friends and Bestfriendzone

what people must understand about me is sometimes i can be so distant. and i'm so sorry about that. bukan sebab aku menyampah or marah ke apa. ok mungkin itu motifnya pun hik hik. tapi kalau rasa kau takde buat salah ngan aku tetiba je ama ni mendiamkan diri memencilkan diri menjauhkan diri, maka ketahuilah dikau yang aku bukan tengah menjadi ama emo, aku tengah menjadi... ama. ama. just ama.

"i'm harry. just harry." awww my bby's reaction when he was told he was a wizard!

ok kembali ke bumi.

serious ah. aku rasa bersalah. so i'm so sorry. it's nothing personal, it's just how i am with people :(

tak caye ce tanya my hajerah pajero. it took YEARS to be like that with her. it took YEARS to call her my best friend. during those YEARS, ce tanya dia mesti dia hadapi benda yang sama ken ken bebi? even now pun kengkadang dia akan hantar mesej berbunyi lonely seperti "ama awak tak rindu kita ke" hahahaha. kengkadang aku pun hantar mesej berbaur kurang perhatian camtu. i guess what we have in common is we sometimes love to be left alone, so dia paham aku aku paham dia. loner for life! lulz. tak all the time nak together. kami tak clingy. laki tak suka pompuan clingy, wink. pompuan tak suka laki clingy, wing lagi. tapi dia dah tak ebelebel so i guess there's only me now hahaha k diam.

ok hajer this is not a post for you.... not yet :3

so i hope some people can understand that. it's not that i'm forgetting you, or putting you in the back seat, or not appreciating you, but this is just how i am... lol post lepas cakap pasal masalah kawan ngan laki post ni cakap pasal masalah kawan ngan pompuan pulak. apa je kau buat yang tak masalah hah ama?! sobs.

aku ngan hajer pon, i guess we're closer now than ever. like time brings us closer even when distance pulls us apart. ngan kawan lain pon, i am more sentimental, affectionate, loving, jiwang, geli, cinta dan kasih sayang, apabila kami sudah tidak bersama atau sudah bersama untuk masa yang lama. i take it slow, bro. not like you, desperado kah kah k. sumpah ni memain tak cakap sal sesape janganla ada yg terasa T_T

this is Diena. i love you. very, very few people really, really know me and still understand and accept me, and one of them is you. you're one of those rare people who don't have to be in someone's shoes to feel them, sebab tu kita salu fefeling tugeder. that's why you're anything but judgemental and prejudice. and we can laugh like perempuan gila sesama weh over anything, sometimes i miss your laugh. we even laugh because we cry. my laugh and cry buddy since 2010. alhamdulillah, i'm glad i met you :'3 

sentimental, affectionate, loving, jiwang, geli, cinta dan kasih sayang kan :3

walaupun aku sentimental, affectionate, loving, jiwang, geli, cinta dan kasih sayang pun takdelah aku nak tunjuk sekarang. in fact i freak out kalau orang tunjuk kat aku. kecuali untuk beberapa pengecualian. tapi tu tak bermakna mereka bermakna lebih pada saya. itu hanya bermakna pendekatan saya berbeza-beza. eceh kemain kau ye.

aku rasa aku memang camtu. camne aku takkan mengaku aku suka laki walaupun dah obvious memasing tahu aku suka dia, camtu jugaklah aku takkan panggil pompuan best friend aku walaupun dah obvious semua tahu aku rapat ngan dia. gituwww. bukan takkan selamanya! tapi bila dah stabil tu, ha baru. aww. takdela belum pape dah bakal laki la bff la apa la. i keep it low, bro. learn from me yo.

bila dah lama tu, barula kita official hahah k geli.

speaking of dah lama baru official, ok it's official: i miss my old friends T________T

i miss my girls terribly. especially during sem break like this, you don't have new friends to be with you. so you're reminded of old friends. kawan sebaya, lebih tua, lebih muda. mulalah nak teringat zaman sekolah. mulalah nak baca blog post lama. mulalah nak stalk diri sendiri. mulalah scroll dinding fesbuk sampai lenguh jari. mulalah nak baca mesej lama. pastu gelak sengsorang terkenang. meroyan di depan komputer riba. YA ALLAH AKU RINDU KORANGLAH DENGAR TAK JERITAN BATINKU!

dulu cerita almost everything dekat diena and aijugheen kengkadang fuzz sekali and of course maaai. pagi-pagi kat tapak perhimpunan jumpa je dah bukak cerita. masa perhimpunan tu slow-slow je bisik, kengkadang tak slow pun lantaklah kelas sebelah nak dengar kau bukan tau aku cakap pasal sape haha. sampai time tengah berdiri nak nyanyi tu, boleh diri sebelah-sebelah sambung sesi berkongsi. masuk kelas, ada kelas tertentu macam english and kelas mak dia sendiri maths aijugheen akan pusing belakang sembang ngan aku selamba bada kitorang je. kat lab pulak dok semeja reramai pastu buka cerita bersama, tangan kat buku tak gerak-gerak pun cikgu datang tanya ha gelabah kau. tak cukup kat situ kita akan bawa hal berkenaan ke belakang kelas di mana ada lebih privacy, tak lupa ke toilet supaya emosi dapat ditonjolkan sambil cerita penuh perasaan. hari-hari update each other tentang drama hidup memasing. kami juga update each other tentang drama hidup sahabat lain sebab kami sahabat prihatin tsk haha. ya Allah rindu!

tapi sekarang..... nak cerita something tapi susah sebab a lot has been happening :(

so kengkadang end up cerita summary, atau langsung tak story :(

so sad la liddis :(

selain tu, ramai je sebenarnya yang ada satu point dalam hidup aku, aku rapat dengan dorang. jumpa mesej panjang-panjang bercerita macam-macam. tapi kalau point-point seterusnya tak rapat dah, takpe aku faham. i am grateful for that particular point. dapat kenal jap, dapat rapat jap, dapat berkongsi jap, dapat belajar jap, jap pun takpelah, asal ada pengalaman tu semua. aku tak kisah kalau kita fall apart, sebab takde kaitan dengan broken heart. kita just... terpisah. terjauh. bukan bermusuh, gaduh. people come and go, and life goes on. sedih memanglah ada sikit, tapi sedih yang sayu tu. sedih terharu.

macam terjumpa balik satu post ni haa, sweet tak aku dengan sahabat alam maya haha.

serious, aku tak kisah. dah lumrah :)


"my favourite kind of friendship is one where there’s a mutual understanding of the fact that we both have our own lives so we won’t be able to talk or hang out all the time but when we do talk or hang out it’s like picking up right where we left off"

i'm blessed with good friends. i'm lucky Alhamdulillah because i'm still friends with different circles of close friends in primary school, middle school and high school. we don't talk everyday like we used to, and that's okay. that's just life. as long as when we do, it feels like nothing has changed, like it was just yesterday :)

ok here are some names not in any order i will not say it again nor will i say it to you but i kinda miss the time being with and talking to diena aijugheen aisyah nawa wani fuzz melah pejah paten nad mai peqah ecah muni luqman loya kak nad kecik hmm ok dah tu je yang terfikir sekarang ni kalau tak terfikir it's because i'm forgetful liddat not that i forget you ok bai.

but apparently, i'm not as forgetful as i would like to be.

dalam mengenang benda manis tu terkenang jugaklah benda pahit. terjumpalah bukti menyakitkan hati. ya Allah aku taktau kenapa aku simpan benda pahit bukan jadi kenangan pun. tapi jadi jeruk, pekasam, racun! bila aku teringat mulalah berapi-api balik hati ni ya Allah. sumpah aku naaak sangat lupakan. aku dah maafkan. but honestly, it's forgive AND forget. it's not forgive OR forget. i can forgive but i can't forget, so when i'm reminded of what i'm supposed to forget, i remember, and i'm not sure whether i forgive or not. Allah siapalah aku susah nak maafkan. dosa aku lagi banyak gila pastu tau pulak harap Allah ampunkan.

bila dah macam ni lagi kita hargai sifat Tuhan Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyantun. sebab kita tau kita takkan capai tahap sepengampun sepenyantun itu. barulah lagi bersyukur, lagi berhati-hati.

tapi memang, aku bukan Tuhan.

salah dorang mungkin tak besar, nak banding ngan salah orang lain. dan percayalah, orang pernah buat salah dekat aku sampai aku kena pergi balai polis buat report, tapi tu cite lain. salah dorang, salah yang aku tak suka. yang aku terasa. salah yang diulang-ulang. salah yang tak rasa bersalah. salah yang jadi bahan jenaka. salah yang sengaja. mungkin pada dorang kecik, tapi sakit hati ni tak boleh diperkecikkan. takpelah, at least pengalaman ni ajar aku supaya take people's feelings seriously. kita taktau kesan perbuatan, percakapan, gurauan kita kat orang. orang mungkin tak tunjuk, tapi dalam hati dia kau dah kena maki berkali-kali.

so aku minta maaf kalau korang dah maki aku berkali-kali :(

dosa kita besar mana pun dengan Tuhan, Dia boleh ampunkan. dosa kita kecik mana pun dengan manusia, kalau dia tak mafkan macam mana?

mungkin macam mana aku ambik bertahun untuk bestfriendzone orang, macam tu jugak aku ambik bertahun untuk forgottenzone and forgivenzone orang. so selagi belum bertahun ni, maafkan aku sebab aku tak boleh forgive and forget completely.

i'm at a level yang kalau memori aku kuat and aku teringat, i go bitching about it on tumblr. 

teringat someone yang ambik masa bertahun untuk lupakan salah orang. mungkin aku macam dia.

tapi macam mana kita nak Allah ampunkan kita, macam tulah kita kena maafkan hamba-Nya, kan?

Guy Friends and Strangerzone

aku kawan je dengan laki.

but i don't know why, it has been a while since aku kena fikir dulu sebelum nak berkawan. perlu ke? ada sebab? if we need to, if there's a reason, then hello!

tapi kalau tak... cam tak perlu pun sebenarnya kan. 

like i've said to a friend "you're a girl, he's a guy. you can ditch him anytime." BEFORE YOU GUYS ACCUSE ME OF BEING THE REASON WHY YOUR GIRL, OOPS, LADY FRIENDS END IT, lemme just say i utter that line only under certain circumstances. for example if a girl dah ada bakal laki, bakal laki dia tak suka sorang laki yang salu contact dia, contact yang tak perlu dan takde sebab, bukannya kau bff dia ke apa, even bff pun boundaries man, boundaries, maka wajarlah dinasihatkan sedemikan rupa.

tapi sebab aku takde bakal laki lagi (hahahaha sobs), jadi aku nasihat diri sendiri. wink sikit lol

mungkin nasihat tu bunyi kasar, tapi itulah kebenarannya. tu pun kira dah longgar dah peraturan aku ni, kalau hollier-than-thou tau mesti kata aku liar hahah. so aku kawan dengan laki yang aku kena kawan; macam kawan sekelas. aku lek je ngan classmate aku. bila dah selesa kita cam bro-bro ah takde hal lah. dan dengan laki yang aku nak kawan; macam kawan lama. zaman aku biasa dgn laki, tak fikir lagi pasal ni. tu pun berapa kerat je tinggal, kalau aku kerat jari lagi banyak daripada kawan laki aku hahaha sobs.

ye aku pernah suka member ngan laki, zaman sekolah rendah. dari zaman merempit basikal sampai zaman baru nak up hahah. tapi rasanya sekarang aku dah evolusi, cey. takdela cam dulu lagi. sekarang kalau laki nak datang rumah, sebab nak masuk minang je ok (ada ke tak nak masuk belakang kira). setakat nak beraya bagai takyah, unless ada perempuan sekali. UNLESS AKU MEMANG NAK LAYAN KAU. omg teringat ada sekali tu, zaman tidak dinyatakan, budak laki ramai nak datang rumah, tanpa perempuan. ok takpe lagi. masalahnya yang datang tu yang aku memang taknak layan. sejak bila kita jadi kawan? kau dah menyakitkan hati aku, pastu muka tak malu datang rumah aku ingat aku nak bancuh air potong ketupat untuk kau segala. eh memang tak lahhh. sentap. ok lupakan salah topik ni.

astaghfirullah sabar sabar assobru minal iman.

masalah aku sekarang aku taktau nak cakap camne. 

how to explain in a way that makes sense, and is socially acceptable? aku bukan muslimah bertudung labuh yang memang tak berkawan dengan ajnabi. berurusan sekadar perlu, takde huha huha, mata pandang kasut. aku berkawan, cuma... bersyarat. if i were that kinda girl bolehlah cakap sebab aku tak kawan ngan laki. ni tak. kalau alasan tu aku kasi, rasa munafiq betul diri ini. kang dorang tengok aku lek je ngan laki tertentu, dorang salah faham pulak. aku pun tak faham diri sendiri. katela aku ada crush, atas sebab misteri yang tak dapat difahami akalku dia nak kawan dengan aku, omagod aku taktaula camne. sekali aku ke mana peraturan ke mana. see, i don't know. that's why i don't know what to say.

please don't say i'm poyo, pilih kawan, hipokrit, bajet, saje kasi alasan and whatnot. none of it is true :( and it's not even you! it's.... me. sobs. it's not because i think i'm cooler than you, or you don't have a certain value, or you're not worthy of friendship. sometimes i think someone is cool and i like to talk to them, but i feel i shouldn't. when i get carried away i'm like, ama what have you done? you should stop! partly because when i do respond it's out of guilt and boredom, even if it is nice talking to them. that probably explains kenapa aku macam biskut. jap ade jap takde jap hot jap cold. i'm not using people! or unless you are using me, in which case i guess we're cool.

but that doesn't mean we're friends.

idk. i think the older we get, the more expensive the tittle 'friend' is.

by expensive i don't mean that my friendship comes with a price. aku tak maksudkan dorang kena keringkan poket untuk aku. it just means i don't give it away that easily. of course with girls, it is easy. pompuan kan? we have no boundary! hua hua hua. but with guys, it's a different story. just because we talk, doesn't mean we're friends. just because we once laughed together, doesn't make us friends. just because we've known each other for a while, doesn't make me your friend. because i'm not your friend, we should no longer talk and laugh together. we just know each other.

it's kinda like the white people thing, if you think about it. kan cite omputeh salu cam "no we aren't friends." padahal partner lab report, jiran tetangga, deskmate setahun, orang yang kalau dalam budaya kita memang kita dah panggil kawan. see lain benar barat dengan timur, tsk tsk. but that's not what i'm doing ok.

it's not like we won't be friends ever, but there's no need to push it. if it happens, it happens. just go with the flow. say one day we end up being in a group project and have to interact, or i do follow the flow, drown, and a guy becomes my hero, then we shall be friends.

or you can simply buy my friendship with food k no

i've been told that i'm cruel, cold, harsh, heartless. but i'm not. i'm just a girl with silly rules. a nice girl, at that. lulz.

i was just told recently that i was "judgmental about other people's sincerity." among other adjectives above, this one hit me the hardest. i felt so bad :( i'm really sorry. i was taken aback because judgmental is one of the last things i want to be. i despise judgmental people, and when that happens due to personal experience, you know i'm serious. i know i'm not judgmental... i hope so. i just feel it's not necessary. it's just how i am.

i don't know why and when did i change to be this person.

i remember those days when i only relied on one source about religion matters and believed anything strict enough to sound islamic. pardon my noobness. i read about how guys and girls should not be friends AT ALL. how sinful and wrong it was, how i was 'bergelumang dengan perkara haram'. it bothered me so much because i cared about some guy friends, and how would i make it in this world where interaction between males and females is a daily basis? i was only in school and boys were everywhere, nevermind college and workplace... later in life i understood. in matters like this it's not white and black. you're gonna know your limit. but that doesn't mean the limit is a black line drawn on a white floor. you've gotta adapt yourself and find the limit within you, so it suits your environment and situation. you won't be tempted to cross the line, as you know from the inside what you should not do. the rules are just a guideline. it can't be broken, but bent. back then i thought islam was difficult. but now i know it's rather sensible. maybe my view will change again, but at least that's how i see it now. and now, i'm just find with the way i choose to befriend boys.

so what islam says does play a part in this, but not solely.

is it because of my personal experience? befriending boys means bitterness in the past, like i've talked about in a previous post. is it because of others' experience? someone once just layan this one dude and now that dude perasan telling people about how he 'got' her or something. geez. i didn't ask what did he mean by saying i was judgmental about his sincerity. maybe he thought i thought he was taking advantage of me? i don't think he had ulterior motives or something up his sleeve. siapalah aku nak perasan, i once thought so. but look what happened the last time i agreed to be just friends? a lot.

i'm not being self-conscious, i'm simply being cautious.

the way i see it now, when guys are friends with girls, they might end up liking them. with me, they might end up hating me. it can go both ways. if you're lucky, you have a neutral friendship with no feeling. well if you two love each other, then you're very lucky. if it's one sided, you're not lucky. but i'm not sure what it is when friends develop mutual hatred.... hmm.

so in order to not friendzone or defriendzone anyone, i choose to strangerzone. good eh?

"you're not even friendzoned. you're strangerzoned. you may pack your bags."

strangerzone is a safe zone, there's less collateral damage.

i would probably overlook the zones if the zone lines are clear, ironically. if you keep it blurry, i will make it clear for you. but if i've already made it clear but you're still blur blur memang aku taktaula nak cakap apa. apa yang aku tau, tak baik buat taktau terus. sekali dua diam kalau dia faham takpe. but if someone is persistent, it's not nice to be persistent in the opposite way. at least explain. make them understand.

but some people are bad at explaining and understanding :(

it's just weird when people want to be friends with you. when they don't have to, but they want to. when they want to get to know you. i mean why??? call me naive but i believe some people might really want to be just friends after all. cuma tak perlu. call me vain but i also believe there's no reason why people want to be 'just friends' at all. sebab tak perlu. yes i believe both and i go back and forth. but maybe it's just me. who knows? other people may actually have genuine interest in others and have nothing but a genuine intention in being nothing more and less but friends. 

maybe i'm like this because i know guys. despite having very few guy friends now, i had been friends with a lot of guys. i can see through their disguise, i can recite their playbook. partly because i helped to hide it and write it, and in other cases i was also the one who blew up the disguise and burnt the book. so i know some type of guys when i see it. sorry for sounding mean, i'm probably just biased because of some reasons. reasons which caused my large circle of guy friends to shrink into a small circle. the smaller the better. trust can't be given to just anyone. i know not all guys are like this, but trust me when i say most i know, are.

because of this, it has occurred to me what if i get a guy who i can't figure out? hmmm.

i'm not gonna lie. i want a best guy friend. just a normal guy friend who's not gonna be intimidated when i do better than him, who's not gonna degrade me when he's above me, who won't hate me for irrational reasons and who won't like me for reasons i can't even imagine. well, unless it's mutual, haha.

i know dudes yang muka skema, nerd, innocent, padahalll. tu lah masalahnya bebudak pandai ni. pandai berkata-kata. being intellectual makes you interesting. unique hobbies swoon girls. but not all girls will be swooned by your sweet talk. spesis yang sweet talk pun ada yang bukan sweet talk corny tau tapi sweet talk classy. spesis camni tah-tah dah biasa buat. dah enough prektis. sebab tu pro je, berani je. kalau tak takdela bersungguh gila dengan pick up line versi genius semanis gula. taktaula pulak kalau naturally talented ke kan.

kalau perempuan awal-awal dah cakap tak nak, tanpa niat jual mahal, maksudnya memang taknak la. memang taknak jual. you can be different and ok to get to know better, but there's no reason to get to know each other. you find a girl different, ok she's flattered but no thanks. memang nak kawan je pun tapi tak kawan pun takpe kan. walau macam mana best pun rasanya berkawan dengan kau.

aku rasa alasan terbaik yang mesti mustajab adalah:

"sorry, tunang/suami tak kasi kawan dengan laki."

settle.

so... anyone wants to help me with it HAHAH K STAHP

i don't friendzone people so this is general, but it's DEM FUNEEY

i'm so sorry if anyone reads this and feel offended, trust me it's just me. but don't blame me :(

even kawan aku pun pelik dengan aku. dia cakap dia takde pun fikir camni. kawan je. she said i make it a point to be cautious. and trust me she's a waaay better girl than i am. idk la it just feels wrong.

what doesn't feel wrong, though, if it is done in certain ways. 

ok memang bias tapi kesah hape aku that's the fine art man if you don't know that it's your loss. cey.

being the matchmaker and wingwoman that i once was, lemme give you guys some tips and tricks lah eh. you can use it to be just friends or more than friends, but to be the former you've gotta know where to stop and to be the latter you've got to go all the way to the end. ni bukan untuk aku, takde sape nak guna kat aku pun kan sebab tu la aku share ni because how dare you use my own spell against me, Potter?! ok tetiba.

so ye ni untuk pompuan macam aku. i may look girly but i would like to be a guy with guys. so instead of kau datang nak berkenalan, tak kesahlah dengan cara rempit atau cara geek, baik kau terus kasi salam hai tanya cerita apa-apa yang patut. bila kau datang wanting to be friends when you're not even friends, it gives the idea that you want to be more than friends. and usually the way you talk gives you away. what else would you want then? i know MANY GUYS would agree with me and i have detected MANY ATTEMPTS before guys even confess to my friends. so when there's the idea, pompuan spesis kami akan rasa tak selesa, segan, dan sebagainya. mereka akan retreat, atau mereka akan attack. we don't want that now do we. what you want is to make them as comfortable with you as possible. biar dorang jadi biasa macam dengan kawan biasa. aku taktau orang lain macam mana tapi aku sangat selesa beraku kau dengan laki. pompuan lain mungkin rasa tu kasar, in fact ada laki yang cakap aku/kau dengan pompuan tu kasar. aku rasa tak, apa yang kasar ialah cara kau cakap bukan apa kau cakap paham? bila perempuan dah selesa, you're in the right zone which is the friendzone. fret not! with girls like this, being in the friendzone is the ultimate highway to the marriagezone. but if all you want is the couplezone, dia bom highway kau pastu kau terpelanting balik ke strangerzone, bleeding in pieces. doesn't sound good eh.

but on top of it all, the best way is not when you want to be someone's friend because you like them. it's when you like someone because you are their friend.

the consultation provides no guarantee and the consultant is not responsible for any failed attempt and the awkward aftermath. ok? sekian Girls Like Us 101.

bila aku baca balik post ni, masalah dia bunyi macam pasal laki nak jadi lebih dari kawan. padahal pasal laki nak jadi kawan je pun. benda yang bukan masalah pun jadi masalah, lulz.

i don't even know when this starts to be a problem to me, geez.

Reunion C1 Go With The Flow

Pernah tak konon nak buat reunion kumpul reramai sekali end up jadi hang out tak sampai 10 orang pun?

takpe, dah biasa.

tu pun thanks kepada budin yang initiate semangat nak jumpa. aw, terharu. nak tunggu budak laki lain? alamatnya aku dah berlaki dah beranak pun tak jumpa-jumpa lagi. nak tunggu budak pompuan plan? boleh je, tapi masalahnya kitorang kalau bab plan ni kemain perfectionist. discuss je dah berhari-hari, kat mana, nak buatpe, makan apa, pakai apa uish. pastu nak seramai boleh, tengok bila semua free la apa la last last apa pun tak jadi. tapi cara budin coordinate simple je: go with the flow.

maka lihatlah flow kami yang memang flow freely gila ni.

hazirah dan ama aka pudar dan pucat

kitorang berdua yang pertama sampai. eh, silap. kitorang berdua perempuan yang pertama sampai. hahahah

aku kat rumah lagi kamil dah call. bunyinya macam dah kat wwm je. oh ye memula plan wwm sebab mudah dan dekat. bermakna ramai boleh join. ramai la sangaaat.

"otw, otw."

"otw macam mana tu?"

"otw la...."

"otw dah keluar rumah ke baru nak keluar ke camne"

aku manusia yang pantang lambat. family aku pun sekelompok manusia yang pantang lambat. mungkin ada kaitan ngan bapak aku askar. aku tunggu benda lain boleh tahan lagi, tapi kalau tunggu orang lambat, menyirap. lambat kalau hari biasa, takpe lek tak kisah. lambat kalau hari yang ada pape, memang boleh panas jugak lah.

tapi sekali sekala lambat apa salahnya haha kata go with the flow. sorry flow saya slow tehee. aku dah siap lama dah tapi tunggu transportasi lagi. kau daripada banyak bunyi baik datang ambik aku kat umah ni.

sampai je segan nak jumpa bebudak laki. bukan segan sebab lambat, pls. diva memangla kena special appearance sikit. tu pun ramai lagi diva tak sampai-sampai. tapi segan sebab dorang laki lah woi. rasa dominated haha. biasa kitorang perempuan yang ramai, so cam girl power sikit ah. ni intai di sebalik roti-roti di rotiboy tempat mereka melepak, ramai gak. segan u no nak datang hai tetiba. so jenjalan dulu, sekali terserempak ngan mereka juga lulz. lumrah wwm, pusing pusing muka kau, pusing pusing muka dia, cam dah takde orang lain. cam dah takde tempat lain hahah.

ada budin, kamil, omar, iman dan mosen. er ramai la tu. tengah wwm la nak decide gi mana pasni apa plan sume. so the flow stops jap to determine the direction. takpe kita follow je. last-last laki gi main bowling. sebab aku dan hajer terlampau diva, kitorang taknak join. aku ada pengalaman pahit main bowling plus aku pakai kain haritu (one of the reasons why! muahaha take note girls). so kitorang ke rotiboy breakfast, before join dorang kat tempat bowling di mana mereka main dan kami camwhore. cam biasa.

setelah beberapa lama, akhirnya hadirlah yang paling diva antara semua; nawa, peqah, paten, pejah.

habis bowling je omar, iman dan mosen lesap. cam biasa.

lunch kat Fullhouse.

aku suka Fullhouse. tapi ada orang takleh terima sebab makanan dia cam fusion sikit, westernized korean food camtu. tekak aku boleh terima apa saje (asalkan tak full korean food omg trauma). ok fine aku yang cadangkan dah sume taktau nak makan mana, faten ngan nawa pun dah mengidam jadi apa lagi. tapi tapi tapi aku dah banyak kali tanya kan betul ke ni? aku tak kisah memana pun korang la jangan nyesal nanti.

dah masuk mulalah berpeluh lah apa lah kan aku dah cakappp aku panggg sat gi. saje buat aku rasa bersalah. semua cam weh serious ke makan sini weh it's not too late untuk bangun eh tapi kita dah duduk melebihi beberapa minit so takleh bangun korang ni nak order ke tak ni woi cepatlah! kecoh betul.

akhirnya,

lidahku takkan bosan denganmu

saki baki lelaki

bff sejak sekolah rendah, paten dan pejah

mokcik-mokcik bergossip, tapi nawa taknak join

"eh nawa betul ke awak taknak dengar cite ni best ni" - peqah omg

pertandingan mengisi caption: apa yang nawa katakan hingga tergelak mereka?

meanwhile, the boys. budin layankan aje kamil. cam biasa. hahaha

kamil masih bercerita.

nawa join pula kalini nampaknya, hmmm.

meanwhile, peqah. caught red-handed stealing food off other people's plate.

meanwhile, the pudar dan pucat. cuba mengayukan diri.

percubaan GAGAL HAHAHA

"comelnye awak hazirah. geram kita. mmmmm"

"ama jangan nak usha kita camtu sangat, kita mamam awak kang. rawr" 

ok i probably should stop

ok group picture! naissss. Cemerlang 1 07-09 :)

datanglah ke fullhouse beramai-ramai bawak camera, comel tempatnya

faten pls

ok pastu here comes the challenge in this 'go with the flow' themed meet-up. ke manakah kita selepas ini?

setelah beberapa minit berbalah dan memujuk dan mencadangkan dan memerah idea dan call adik (hazirah) dan cadangan ditolak dan cadangan diterima balik, flow kami membawa kami ke.... KLCC!!! tetiba kan. dah pukul 3 ke 4 tah camtu, nak gi KLCC. baik gi dari awal lagi. ni semata-mata sebab takde tempat nak lepak sembang kat wwm, so nak lepak sembang kat klcc punya park tu. semata. takpe, follow the flow.

beberapa minit kemudian, dalam perjalanan

oh kitorang pun pernah plan-nak-reunion-tapi-berapa-kerat-je-muncul kat park klcc last year.

10 orang. boleh laaah. picnic + pot luck = bawak masuk dlm wayang lebihan makanan tengok The Avengers haha

time tu lepas dapat result spm. sebelum tu pun ada, makan-makan kat satu restoran ni. buat after spm. salu gak kitorang buat percubaan reunion rupanya, lol. sweet kan heh heh.

13 daripada 22 orang. jadi laaaaah.

ok dah sampai KLCC!

lelaki fokus makan. pompuan setia bergambar. lagi-lagi yang tudung pink tu. kemain duduk bersimpuh pakai skirt. percubaan untuk menjadi ayu....

GAGAL. dah hampir mengalahkan kamil kejantanan aku. hampir k. ada anak dara pakai kain dok camni?!

YOLO LOL

beri laluan untuk iklan

S4: Dual Camera. depan belakang pon boleyyy.

dan lelaki masih memberi tumpuan terhadap makanan.

puas? nak balik dah? taak lagi. peqah dengan pejah je balik dulu. yang lain dok pulak kat food court. flow yang bawa kita ke situ ye, flow. pas dah makan makanan korea (omg), paten dan nawa pula balik, sebab rumah dorang jauh. tinggallah aku dan hazirah bersama bodyguard kami. hazirah balik naik bas, tapi malas bersesak dengan orang balik kerja, jam petang lagi. so teman dia tunggu. i had no choice lah sebab aku kena balik ngan budak laki berdua tu, takde sape dah nak teman aku wuwu. so kami pun tanpa tujuan wandering aimlessly sampailah lepas maghrib. pastu teman dia tunggu bas pulak. tak berapa lama kemudian bas pun sampai. babai.

tinggallah aku dengan bodyguard-bodyguardku. omg. aku pujuk hajer balik dengan aku tapi dia taknakkk. you're gonna leave me alone with two boys? what do i do with these boys? hahah. aku dah penat aaa. aku cakap kat kamil ngan budin jom balik naik teksi. serious? serious lah. takpe aku bayar. dorang cakap tak lebih 20. ok aku tak kisah. dorang pun cakap kalau lebih 20, dorang topupkan. k set. daripada kena lintas jalan balik pastu pegi balik tempat lrt tu. ok dorang tahan teksi, keh keh. tapi teksi tu taknak hantar T_____T 

terpaksalah jalan T_____T

kamil dan budin budak baik. takyah risau. dorang yang risau. over. nak tunggu ngan aku sampai abang aku ambiklah. aku nak naik teksi pun tak kasilah. "kitorang ada adik perempuan tauuu". rimaaas. cukupla abang aku 4 orang hahah. aku call mak aku, cakap dorang tak kasi aku naik teksi walaupun dekat gi wwm je dari stesyen lrt tu, sebab dah cakap ambik aku kat wwm je. malam tu aku nak prektis driving terus. "maa dorang ni haa, ma cakap sendiri dengan dorang" cuak kau haha. dah paksa suruh balik dah halau dah saiko macam-macam pun tak jalan. aku bersyukur kawan ngan orang camni, tapi rasa bersalahlah tau tak. aku lagi rela sengsorang daripada susahkan orang. lama kot dorang jadi bodyguard aku. hmph. macamla aku takleh berdikari, kata budak yang takde lesen lagi hahaha.

tapi thanks weh serious :) cuma jangan risau laaah. aku dah biasa kot sengsorang.

ini yang perlu dirisaukan ni

kat klcc pun jadilah ye. typical teenagers HAHA

thank you everyone. it was fun :)

JPA-MARA Offer: Today This Year

today is the first of june.

today last year, i had spent three days in tears. three days of relentless rechecking only to be disappointed more and more with the similar answer; a no. three days of going back to the same website, thinking the first time i did, it had something to hide. three days of staring at the same page, and feeling the same heartache. three days of clicking that link, and crushing inside. three days of drowning in disappointment.

today last year, i had spent three days pulling myself up after being let down. three days of coming back to the agonizing apology, only to console myself to cope with reality. three days of building up what was left of my broken dreams. three days of trying to leave the baggage and push myself with courage. three days of going back and forth between breaking down and believing. three days in acceptance.

today last year, i had a pleasant surprise in the evening. a confusing shock as the blue sky dived in. i returned for what i thought was the last time to find the final peace. i was startled by a congrats when i expected it least. what was initially a no was actually a yes. we human beings just don't know His planning, and His timing. my heart pounded on my chest. my heart was beating faster than normal. did i just open the door to the life i have always been dreaming of since i was a child? was this for real? 

today last year, i shed tears of happiness.

but today this year, is a different story.

today this year, i shed tears of sadness.

today this year, i was reminded of the gratitude which lifted gravity off of me. i was reminded of the feeling of flying so high after falling so low. i was reminded of the pleasant past, but at the same time forced to remember the faded future. do i have another year? or does it end here? how different one date can be. today last year, i gained hope after losing it. today this year, i lost hope after gaining it.

today this year, after numbing myself from my fear of the future and regret about the past, i let it all in and it broke me. i confronted my feelings and it crashed me. i felt, and i cried. the stress i had been spitting out. the disappointment i had denied. it's time to stop running from reality. i did escape but it still left me short of breath, and living breathless is as bad as being dead. as i let it catch up with me, the road seemed to be shorter, the sky darker, as if the reality is swallowing all the ray of hope and path of possibility.

today this year, i realize i'm unparalleled in running away. but it's time to deal with problems because while i've been putting it off for too many times, time is not something i can delay. it's time to be someone i've left behind; a student of INTEC, doing A-Level, deciding which university, possibly on the verge of termination. i'm on the edge of a cliff, but to jump off it or build a bridge, is my decision. i'm on a cliff, but i'm also at rock bottom. it's pitch black down here. i have never been this lowest and hopeless. it has never been this darkest.

today this year, it's different.

maaf

kena explain. 

post sebelum ni tidak dituju kepada sesiapa.

kecuali kepada yang bertanggungjawab untuk ini

MUAHAHA I SEE YOU
ini baru salah satu cara untuk tau.

apalah yang dibuka agaknya.

80 dalam dua hari.

satu sumber je. 

seram.

hm.

kau bawak rombongan ke hah masuk blog aku ni?!
jangan cakap kau bukak semua sendiri?!

hahah

KAN ORANG DAH KATA. 

JANGAN BACA! 

HAHA

ok jangan :(