Random Return

I SAID I WOULD NEVER ABANDON MY BLOG

i didn't know i was lying :(

i couldn't imagine life without blogging then... funny how things turned out. scary too... makes you think what kind of person you are. am i gonna abandon something else when i promised not to, like i did to my blog? we'll never know.

tetiba deep.

gawd. okay instead of moaning let's just start writing about something else!

oh my god i didn't even write about the whole time i've been in the UK, about going back to malaysia, and now back in UK again... guys i am sad. help

maybe that's for next time... after i actually start writing again. now, let's start with something... random.

like, RANDOM QUESTIONS! 

(i googled what to write for an hour before i found this)

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

24. I don't even know why. there might be a reason, but unconsciously? lulul

2. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?

kindness. everybody needs to be freaking kinder. when you're kind, you'll try to understand better, and if you can't, you'll at least embrace acceptance and practice tolerance. if the whole world is kind there would be no bloody war, gaddamit

3. If you could offer a newborn child one piece of advice, what would it be?

be trustworthy, yet don't trust just anybody. i mean yeah, with pedo case on the rise now, like, why not. it's a good advice!

4. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

i'd kill for a loved one.

5. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

yes. i want to let go. but the thorns of regret and disdain, they prick my fingers, piercing my palm and now i'm stuck holding on to it. 

6. Why are you, you?

because i wouldn't want me to be any other way. okla the long answer:

i'm me because i have had strong principles since i was a kid, i don't know where that came from. i'm me because i grew up crying and wanting a different life. i'm me because i still cry at 21 but i don't wish for a different life now. i'm me because i've been hurt and the pain never really left. i'm me because i have achieved things that made me so relieved, and i have also felt so hopeless. i'm me because i have been happy to the point i feel undeserving of it and unfamiliar with it. I'm me because i've had to be the bad guy in some people's stories. i'm me because i have good common sense since i was so young, being aware of things my peers weren't. i'm me because i know myself. i'm me because i'm a potato but a perfectionist, an overachiever but a lazy-arse. i'm me because i've made mistakes and i've been wronged. i'm me because i've lost people and loved others. i'm me because i'm predday darn cool liddat.

here's a random picture

7. What are you most grateful for?

my mother.

now i wanna cry

8. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were really upset? does it matter now?

5 years ago would be... 2010. ahaha i was really upset because all my close friends left me alone for boarding school and there was a period of time when i felt friendless, i'd even excuse myself from class, go to the toilet to blink back tears aggressively lol. on top of that, we had this super dramatic drama involving a teacher, let's just leave it at that. but we were miserable, me and my new friends, for a while ha. i was sad that my boarding school friends would only excitedly talk to each other about their new school, because why would you ask how ama was doing at lembah??? same ol', same ol' right. i remember texting my primary school friend aisyah, during hari anugerah cemerlang when my friends came back for PMR prize giving ceremony. i told aisyah how secluded and ignored i felt, when i had been waiting for that day to come. but it seemed like nobody was waiting to see me. emo. but rightfully so. ku terima banyak anugerah namun apalah maknanya jika rasa tak dihargai rakan. loool. lagi satu, ada la sorang budak ni kan dia sejak masuk asrama kirim salam je nak tanya khabar taknak. aku pun makin emo.

but now... none of that matters :') this time i'm the one who left my friends for uni abroad! but i'm still alone hahaha that's alright mate i'm 5 years older. now i'm all gloriously alone. but friends still 4ever. and the new friends i made 5 years ago? they're my 5ever! budak asrama tu pulak bukan je tanya khabar, benda lain pun dia dah tanya sekarang ni. ama hepi. 

9. What is your happiest childhood memory? what makes it so special?

i don't know which, and i don't know much, but this one comes to mind. i told babah how mama pegang kuat-kuat tangan adik masa jalan. and babah told me, sebab mama sayang adik.

10. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

let everyone read everything i ever wrote, about life, loss, and love.

this feels like the first time blogging again. but i made it!

okbye see you next year LOL

Flying Off #3: Flying Off, Finally

Dah 6 bulan lebih dah aku kat uk. ada eloknya kalau aku sambung cerita pasal fly tu. hahahaha.

so we've reached the climax! the day itself!

the day was, hectic. hectic. hectic. done? yeah, hectic. i spent my last morning till afternoon in malaysia, not at home. but out and about. settled some last minute business. bought some things. met and called some people. then upon parking my car for the last time, feeling both sad and grateful, i said goodbye. see you in one year time. be good. i love you. don't let ateh sell you. scream in case of danger.

once i was finally at home i had to do final packing. yes, i'd been procrastinating. but it wasn't totally my fault! i did start early with the shopping..... hehehe. and a few days earlier i'd already started packing..... it was the finalizing on the day itself and cramming stuffs to every possible centimeter which made it really stressful :'( it was not my fault there were too many things to bring. i was moving to another country for god's sake. i had to dump most of them anyway. the bags were heavy as hell i had no idea how i'd handle it alone :'( serabut tau :'(

there was a friend of babah who wanted to see me. she was kinda his best friend and she likes to tell me about mama and babah's love story. i felt so sorry for her. i feel so sad now thinking about it. she asked me to go to her house, but i had my hands full, and honestly i couldn't be bothered. i felt bad but i wished she would understand i couldn't see her that day. i was so, so, sorry but i just couldn't. my mom and brothers kept telling me about it but i really didn't want to go because i didn't have enough time! she couldn't come on her own because her husband who always drove her around had died not even a year ago and her children were busy :""(

so she came to my house with a cab T____T she's old T_T i felt like such a bad person. still do T_T she brought food and fruits and cookies T_T she cooked babah's favourite lauk for me and this ungrateful girl can't even remember what it was. i think it was masak lemak telur itik. she said babah nurul suka ni T_T i only had a little of it because i was eating my mom's chicken rice rushingly T_T i couldn't even eat my mom's own cooking with my mom for the last time T___T and i didn't even eat the fruits which might have been langsat and the cookies which might have been tart nenas T__T she said i could eat the fruits when i was at the airport and i could bring the cookies to uk but i had not much time at the airport and no empty space in the bags T_T i'm so sorry auntie T_T i'll remember your advice on not giving hope to guys lol and your story about your niece because some guys are psychos T_T i hope i'll see you this raya. i wouldn't even mind if you sembang lama and cium me banyak kali this time T_T guise, i'm seriously sad guise.

bukan hanya beliau yang datang ke rumah waktu genting begini. mungkin orang ingat aku dah siap packing tinggal bergolek goyang kaki je kot. kalau aku la, aku mesti call tanya dulu, tengah tunggang langgang ke tenang tu. kami nak datang babai ni. tu kalau aku laaa, tapi ni orang lain.

masa tu aku nak makan pastu mandi. aku turun, rilek dengan towel di bahu dan tiada tudung di kepala. dah sampai bawah... ADA SEPUPU LAKI. terus lari naik atas. terus mandi je. ADA ORANG KOT NAMPAK AKU TENGAH TURUN, DAH KENAPA TAK BERSUARA CAKAP ADA TETAMU?! NI YG AKU NAK MENGAMUK KAN. gua dah la stress, lapar, sedih. niat nak makan tergendala. mana la tak emo berganda-ganda.

dah habis emo diam-diam, terus bersiap lah head to toe. turunlah aku dengan senyuman :) minta maaf sebab sibuk, takde masa nak diluang bersama. sesusah je datang, terima kasih. ye baik, aku jaga diri. doakanla tak lupa daratan ke apa. hm ye, ye.

memang kejap je pun jumpa dorang, pastu dorang balik. kawan babah tu ada lagi, kesian sebab takde sape nak ambik dia balik kot omg sambung nangis T_T sibukla dia dok cedok lauk dia tu bagi aku rasa masa aku makan nasi ayam mak aku. ma, ma taknak duduk makan dengan ayu ke T_T mama tak makan pun, mama duduk teman jap je T_T pastu auntie pun balik. tenang seminit. siap makan. terus bertolak. babai.

babai sayang, awak tak ikut hantar ayu. rindu comel gemuk kebal tebal ni. suka senyum sesaje. mengada tau. awak tak ingat ayu dah. awak dah besar. pasni jumpa air liur mesti dah busuk.

dalam kete, aku duduk belakang dengan mama. diam je. diam sebab nangis hahah. bersyukur pergi airport dengan uda bukan abang lain yg bawak anak bini sama. kalau tak celah mana aku nak nyorok nanges ni. taktaula uda sedar tak paham tak pehal diam je kat belakang tu. takde teresak-esak sroih sroih pun. menangis yg air mata mengalir tak benti, mama je saksi. peluk la puas-puas, pegang tangan taknak lepas. masa tu baru rasa, sebab takde distraction pape. just me in the car, on the way to the new destination. just me, the reality and feelings. 

nak fly dah?

nak tinggalkan rumah? tinggalkan malaysia? tinggalkan mama?

paling lama pernah tinggalkan? lama gila takkan jumpa?

Allah tolong jagakan...

dah sampai airport, kabut balik. hilang dah sedih. takpe puas dah nangis tadi. kita sambung rasa cuak kalau beg ni terlebih berat dan padat, lalu aktiviti memunggah keluar barang diteruskan. sampai je, terus keluarkan barang dalam beg besar yg nak check in, dalam kete gak kat depan pintu tu lol. lepas beg besar dah check in, rombak semula beg-beg kecik cabin dalam airport. ha bilanya aku nak lek. pastu abang-abang aku yang lain pun sampai lambat. biasa dah.

sedih jugak, sebab tak dapat nikmati saat terakhir elok-elok. mama mesti stress tengok aku stress. serius aku dapat rilek bila dah lepas solat maghrib. masa tu beg semua settle akhirnya. tinggal aku je nak settle ni, sob.

masa aku tengah kabut-kabut tadi, ada kawan yang call la yang message la. aku tak sempat nak layan, jadi aku tak layan hahaha. tapi si hazirah ni, sibuk message awak kat mana awak kat mana. dah la tak datang hantar aku, tanya lagi buatpe?! kat airport la! yang aku tau nak datang hantar aku sorang je. omar dengan kamil memula kata nak datang, pastu cakap tak jadi. tapi tetiba omar ke kamil tah message cakap farabi tanya aku katne. dah kenapa kau yg tanyakan untuk dia?

aku takde hal kalau orang tak datang. selama ni aku bayangkan bila aku fly aku memang taknak sesapa ada. gua tak touching orang tak hantar la apa la. lagi bagus takde korang tengok aku emo hahah. hantar ni semua bukan apa-apa. takpe. i know yall love me anyway. hahakz.

(ok la ada sekali touching. sebab hajer tak datang, pastu orang yang nak datang tu kengkonon taktau jadi datang ke tak. saje memain dia ni. kau bebetul la, kalau tak datang cakap tak datang. biar aku dah terima awal2 kau takkan ada. macam hazirah. walaupun taknak dorang berdua ada pun, malam masa mengemas tu takleh elak dari rasa sobsob sikit)

masa tu pun aku tengah on the phone lagi, mana la nak reply orang message bagai. hidup aku kan drama sikit, jadi baiklah aku call sedara yang macam ada touching dengan aku hahaha. lepas tu, tetiba hazirah call. dia tanya awak kat mana, awak, awak, awak kat mana???

kat airport la!

dia tanya yela, dalam airport katne?!

sumpah pelik, tapi layankan jela. kat belakang sekali ada pentas, kat situla kat depan tu. tetiba je dengar orang jerit "amaaa!!" pusing je nampak haz dengan wani berlari tercungap-cungap. aku pun jerit aaaaaahhhh pastu peluk gelak-gelak hahhahha.

korang ni gila la!

memang seprais! tak sangkaaa. masa haz message tanya siap call lagi beriya bunyi kabut sikit, aku tak syak pape langsung. tetiba je ada depan mata. dorang cakap dari jauh dorang nampak budak tudung putih cakap kat fon dari belakang, dorang tau tu aku :")

faham tak perasaan kena seprais when you least expect it?!

yang sampai dulu farabi dengan omar, pastu baru bebudak perempuan ni. muar pun ada, muar kawan mrsm hazirah, tapi dah jadi kawan kepada semua kawan sekolah hazirah haha. kamil datang bawak girlfriend. ni kes takut orang fikir lain ke apa. sebab masa dia cakap nak hantar aku dekat whatsapp kelas, dak laki dah ejek-ejek dah lol. u guise pls move on. aku ada terfikir tah-tah sebab tu dia tak jadi hantar hahaha and omar pun cakap tak jadi datang. last-last dorang sume ada :')

with haz and wani, and my puffy eyes from crying in the car.

the last time i saw wani before that was two days earlier. she came over to my house to give me a farewell gift: a grey top. it's just so me! the style, the colour and even the size. as though she purposely bought one which would be suitable for uk weather. thick cotton and high neckline hehe. at that time, she said it wasn't gonna be the last time she saw me :')

muka berjaya buat seprais

of course i believed she wasn't gonna come because she couldn't. we'd said our goodbyes, even though it wasn't grand. we were never much of a suwit suwit pair of best friends anyway. sometimes only. we show it in our own ways haha. so you're not gonna send me off like other people's best friends? too bad, but alright then. later on haz told me no way she was gonna miss it. sebab lepas pergi uk, dalam wishlist dia ialah hantar aku pergi uk. awww. dahla sebelum tu siap insta gambar kitorang dengan caption "there must be a way". she found her way :')

omar, kamil and farabi. dak laki yang aku jarang sembang tapi suka kawan bila jumpa.

sebab dak laki lain macam.... hahah k. dorang ni aku tak kisah datang beraya siap habiskan kuih raya kat rumah pun. memang buat macam rumah sendiri ye, pandai bawak diri cari balang lebih yang tersimpan rapi...

jumpa jap je lepas dorang sampai, pastu kena naik atas pentas berkumpul. lama jugak, hazirah siap message apa aku buat atas tu hahah. dengar briefing, dapat pins pakai kat blazer (supaya orang tau kami students from malaysia under jpa. ada priviligenya k, macam longgar sikit security and takyah beratur lelama), baca doa. lepas turun pentas, ada beberapa minit je dengan keluarga dan sahabat handai.

selfie2, peluk2, babai. aku cam rushing jugakla. salam pun takde fefeeling. last sekali peluk dengan mama lama cium banyak kali, tapi takde nak babak air mata ayat drama ke apa. aku cam ok babai semua ha dia panggil dah kena gi sana kbyeee. lol. but seriously.

masa aku pergi beratur nak turun tu pun, kengkawan je ikut. family stay depan pentas at the same spot sebab nanti boleh tengok dari atas kot. kengkawan pun tak ikut sampai hujung, tetiba je dorang dah takde. and i was all alone. with people in tears and red faces. aku je krik krik. tenang. sempat lagi tanya orang belakang "awak ok?"

pastu turun.

masa kat escalator dah nampak di kejauhan keluargaku melambai dan memanggil :')

dah sampai bawah baru nampak kengkawan yang terlindung sikit :')

masa tu la baru nak kenal kengkawan baru hahah. serius, aku kira fly solo ni. ada yang aku kenal, tapi kenal nama je. ada baru kenal kat btn. ada gak baru kenal masa kat bawah tu. kenal muka je selama ni tapi masa tu baru tanya nama. the three of us sticked together throughout our journey to sheffield. to a new faraway land with new friends. kitorang ni geng takde geng lol and we acknowledged and embraced it! balik mesia nanti pun sesama hahah. ok tak sabar sob sob.

kitorang paling ramai. 60 orang fly serentak satu malam. memang meriah sangat airport malam tu. 

that's my family up there

orang atas semua memanggil-manggil nama, jerit, lambai. dah kata, airport malam tu bukan je meriah, tapi panas and bising! :')

then it's time to go.

that's me second at the front

so that's that. the last time i saw my family and my friends. i waved at my family to the last glimpse because they were near the last place we walked to before we completely disappeared from view.

dah duduk dalam flight, barula boleh bukak fon. baca semua pesanan. bukak hadiah. dan nangis. ha baru tau sedih. sedih baca apa orang tulis. sedih fikir apa yang kita tinggalkan. sedih terharu, sedih sayang, sedih sedih. sedih semualah. masa flight dah gelap sebab dah nak naik tu, lagila makin mencurah air mata aku. ni lagi sekali nangis yang diam takde bunyi langsung, tapi air mata mengalir tak benti. terutama masa tengah naik tu. nampak muka orang-orang yang aku sayang. yang takkan jumpa untuk beberapa lama. ingat mama. doa, doa, doa. cakap dekat diri sendiri dalam hati. cakap dekat Allah.

"this is it. this is the time you've been waiting for. for years. after everything. this is it. you're flying."

teringat segala benda yang jadi dalam hidup ni, untuk sampai ke detik tu.

aku duduk sebelah dua orang putih. nasib baik. takdela budak-budak lain nampak aku camne masa tu. takde la orang nak tenangkanla usap-usapla. no. biar sahaja aku sendiriii

i was glad i didn't cry saying goodbye. i expected myself to cry. but i didn't, because i had cried earlier, and then cried later, and i guess i was just too busy with the surrounding - taking pictures and talking, even after i was not busy with bags anymore - so i didn't get to focus on the situation. i was so cool in front of everyone. i'd like people to remember me that way. but at the same time know that i care :)

the card came with wani's top, and the rest in melah's survival kit for me

 hazirah knew i needed this, k. and hazirah knew i'd love everything pink!

and another surprise. i opened the box before boarding the plane. but read the note on the plane. hence the feelings. cis. pandai ek first attempt. surprise because this was the second farewell gift! the first one consisted of food and topup hahaha

all that and these three were what i brought with me to uk.

of course, i brought along those i love with me in my heart. it feels a bit heavy to leave, but it makes my heart big. and happy, even when i'm faraway and alone :)

C1!!!

Thanks korang sbb buat seprais tetiba datang :") you came to say goodbye to me but i'm sorry if i didn't say it properly :'( ada yang sedih katanya sebab lepas ama turun ama tak pandang pun. i'm really sorry, i didn't know what to do with you guys up there so i just waved and left... i wish we had better goodbyes. but trust me i reaaally appreciate it. terharu gila k jejauh datang, ada yang pepetang naik public transport, drive meredah kesesakan lalu lintas sume sampai ponteng kelas pun ada hm :")

Enam bulan yg lepas, stress sbb macam2 hal. Patutnya hari terakhir kat tanah air terchenta nak la tenang sikit. Tapi bagusla, sibuk sampai tak sempat nak sedih. Kat airport pun kabut dgn bag. Lepas settle semuanya, tak terasa lagi sbb family mmg ramai, tetiba kawan2 pun ada. Sibuk berpeluk bergambar pulak. Terima kasih jadi sweet surprise pleasant distraction gitu, walaupun memula aku ckp takyah datang kat sesapa :') 

It was a day i've probably daydreamt about since forever. Still seems surreal that i'm here. There were the stage, the students all in the same attire. Just like i imagined. But it was better, because it happened. Alhamdulillah. What did i feel when i was down there looking up at all the people above - the family and friends of 60 of us, calling, waving, cheering? I felt relieved. I'm not sure what exactly being happy is, but i wasn't sad. A good kind of sad, at least. 

At the end of it, there was a round of applause. It's a feeling i will never forget. The journey just began, but it felt like a pat on the back. 

So dream, because you can do it :)

p/s: yes i've lost a few pounds since i arrived. that was a fatter than usual me. not looking my best but that's alright, i did feel my best :'D

Dates To Forget

ctrl + click, click, click



14.1.2014

i make myself alone before people make me feel lonely.


23.1.2014

Solitary is better than isolation. At least you choose it. Even when your choice is the only option left.


20.2.2014

"Things change. I'm trying to figure out where to go from here."

Spare your care, save your tears. Know your place and nothing will go to waste. Know your place.


18.4.2014

today might not be like how you'd like it to be, but one day it may become a memory. so wake up, move along, carry on.


19.4.2014

Nobody knows what happens behind close doors.


21.4.2014

if you ask me now what do i really want? to just get it done and get out of here. leave this place, so long everyone else. it's easy to leave when there's much to heal and not much to miss

everyone was happy, and then there's me.

"ama, you lose one, you gain one." i know. but i dont like to lose things... or people. not like this at least. not for this reason.

keeping things inside is exhausting. appearing okay is not effortless.

i'm sorry if things are not okay. maybe some things aren't meant to be okay the way we hoped it would.

i always said bad times and places are bearable with good friends. then Allah wants to teach me a lesson. i learn that friends are a variable more unstable than i thought it was. your constant is always going to be only you, and God. remember this, before He reminds you through a test when nothing else is left. except Him.

when i was alone then, it's a choice. now, it's forced.

21.4.2014

Where i feel the most friendless is also where i experience friendship the deepest.


22.4.2014

i'll never forget the smirk on your face and the words you spit when insults were disguised as advice.


24.4.2014

i thought i knew people. i thought people knew me. it turns out we we wrong about each other.

God gives me tests when i'm about to sit for the most crucial exam. i dont want to think about things but i have to. what do i want? to just get it done and get out of here.


24.4.2014

God is testing me with trivial matters with temporary consequences when an important exam with permanent results is approaching.

But i believe in barakah. So everything is essential and i can't escape anything.


25.4.2014

When husnudzon is returned with hypocrisy. Patience is returned with pretense. Trust is returned with treachery.

We turn to Allah.

The moment when you can't even speak your prayers, you just feel it. You realize you're not even praying, but thinking of The All-Knowing. Because at that moment that's all you can do, and in the end He's all you have.


26.4.2014

when something happens to me, i think of anything i did to deserve it. if i deserve it, i pray to god to help the people i wronged to forgive me. but if i don't deserve it, i pray to god to help me forgive them.

when people hurt me, i keep justifying for them, reasoning their mistake, when they easily judge me for a mistake they easily believe to be mine. why? maybe denying is better than doubting. maybe the truth hurts and excuses give more comfort.


26.4.2014

ok enough. dry your tears, numb your fears, deafen your ears. keep your heart in a box, put your head in the game. get your shit together. what hurts now is nothing compared to what will hurt later.

"no matter how you feel, GET UP, DRESS UP, SHOW UP and never give up." be cool and look okay. cos baby, that's my forte.


30.4.2014

Falling out of place in the end is worse than feeling out of place in the beginning.

I've locked it in, and i won't let it out. Break down, then chin up. Because once you put on a mask, it's an easy task.


9.5.2014

just because i don't talk about it doesn't mean it doesn't trouble me. i just don't tell people things, let alone talk about people, to other people.

9.5.2014

Remind me why did i bother when i already knew nobody did?

Pretending to care is better than appearing not to give a shit. It's not an act. It's only tact.

At least have some decency to show acknowledgement even when we don't feel any appreciation, even if we really couldn't care less.

13.5.2014

a friend who is friend with you halfheartedly is better than a friend who is two-faced.


17.5.2014

the first time it happened i literally packed my bags and left. this time is not as brutal, but the betrayal i felt, my god, the betrayal.


22.5.2014

can i tell my best friend but i wont say names
nope
can i tell my mom but i wont say names
nope
ok i guess i'll take it to my grave.

thats how i deal with people's secrets, especially the serious ones.

to outsiders what should be done might be obvious but to one involved, not so much. because often things are more complicated than they seem and there's so much more to it than you know. so when someone tells you something, you have no right to tell other people about it. even if you mean it well. you dont know what damage you'll cause, whose heart you'll hurt.


24.5.2014

Telling people about your problems with other people doesn't validate your side of the story and doesn't victimize yourself. If anything, it tells them more about you than the people you talk about.

Expressing your emotions and backbiting are two different things.


25.5.2014

i wouldn't trust anyone who tells me other people's secrets.

yeah it's interesting to listen to, but should you be telling me this?

if they tell you the super top secrets of other people, why would you think you're any exception?


25.5.2014

from as far as you can remember, you've always known not to easily trust anybody.

but then sometimes you think oh it's actually nice letting people in, opening up, it feels good to have somebody to trust. there must be some exception!

nope. there hardly is any.

but it's the same cycle. don't trust. trust. oh shouldn't have trusted. never trust again. but maybe it's ok to trust this time. oops i did it again.

uh it never ends. but now it must.


26.5.2014

i am all lost and i lost it all.


3.6.2014

I say it's my choice - i choose the only choice i have.


5.6.2014

if i were you i wouldn't easily believe everything people tell me. this is not bersangka buruk that they are lying, this is bersangka baik that there's a misunderstanding. how can you judge anything without being the one facing it, feeling it, or at least listening to every side, knowing the whole story?


5.6.2014

it's not the thing that was done. it's the trust that was broken. the betrayal felt.


5.6.2014

when you don't belong, you will be lost. you want to be lost.


5.6.2014

i thought i was already numb. but i still succumbed.


5.6.2014

you're dealing with somebody who took at least 5 years before calling a girl her best friend and would want to be with a guy for at least 7 years before marrying him.

i don't throw labels around. at least not easily. because labels are misleading. because labels don't always stay true to the meaning. because labels aren't permanent. what i call you is not as important as what i feel for you. what i don't declare doesn't invalidate how i act and what i do. we know what we know and ain't that enough? of course, with commitment and consistency if not certainty? all these labels are what usually cause a mess in the first place. even without it, things are messy enough.

nobody owns me and i don't own anybody. not even my best friend. so you are free, as i sure should be. we all can be friend with anybody, we all can be with anybody, we all can be anybody. and we all can also not be what we used to be.


6.6.2014

I retreat, i hide, i don't tell anybody anything, i don't feel like talking, but i realize once somebody needs to talk to me, that's when i'll go out of my hiding. I'll be there.


6.6.2014

i usually don't tell people what happens between me and other people. break my heart? betray me? bitch about me? lie to me? lie about me?

i could, as venting. i should, as warning. but i wouldn't. for many reasons.

i think i might deserve it. i feel i am the bad guy. it might be my fault. i make excuses for them. i justify for them. i take it as a lesson. i myself make mistakes so i won't make a fuss about the mistakes of others. i feel guilty to talk about them. i'm worried if i end up backbiting them. and above all else, i assume they wouldn't do the same thing to me.

how disappointing, how sad, and how heart-and-trust-breaking to know that i was wrong.


6.6.2014

Choosing to be alone is better than being forced to feel alone.

16.6.2014

I've always been someone who treasures good times to make good memories. I even become sentimental as the memories are being made, at the time it's happening because reminiscing it is something i anticipate.

But i know life ain't always about the good things. Whenever i realize this, that i don't belong to a moment or a place, i tell myself "maybe i've had enough in the past, or i'll have more in the future. it's other people's turn and i have mine. just not now, not here."

It's not always easy, but i tell myself it's okay. Just make the best of what i have left.


27.6.2014

You thought you know people and people know you, untill stories from all sides start spilling. then there's some who think they know enough when they don't at all, just because they know you virtually, or the version of you with the wall.

That person you say with emotional issues? There's more they keep inside than what they show, you don't know their lives so stop saying you know their flaw. That person you see with attitude problem? They're the ones who love the most, the most honest in their harshness, you don't see their heart but it is the softest.

Even if you know people, you don't really know them, and they you. In this case, i'd rather have emotional issues than a rotten heart, and a friend with attitude problem than one with two-faced pretense.


13.7.2014

it's better to be the bad guy. because it's easier to deal with what you do than to wonder how could this happen to you. it's harder to be hurt.

let me do the hurting because i don't want to be the victim. let me be the bad guy because i don't want to be victimized.

but apparently, plot twists shock even the 'antagonist'.

i wouldn't do that to you, why did you do that to me?

i just feel so hurt and betrayed. these were the ones i trusted.

 delete

Flying Off #2: Farewell Friends

since i don't think anyone would be eager to read my life story and in this case my road to UK, so i'm writing it at my own pace... can ah? can. nobody wants to read it, but i do. the sole purpose of me blogging now is so i can read my own blog. ~very da vain~ ~narcissistic much~ ~syok sendiri~ what's that? eh suka hati akula. banyak sebab kay baca blog sendiri. tu la orang taktau. ce muhasabah sikit. hm. ok so since my own pace is one thats hella slow, i'm blogging about things which happened like, three months ago. heh. it's not how fast you go, as long as you do not stop. lulz.

did you know, that i actually had doubts about flying? dahlah sekolah rendah lagi dah berangan stadi obesi. dahlah cuba berusaha sejak dulu masa orang tak kisah pasal masa depan kau dah kisah sangat. dahlah malas tahap apa i no kid you but yes i struggled despite the kemalasan with the help of nescafe, last minute adrenaline rush, genetic composition LOL, miracles, luck, and alhamdulillah sister, doa. dahlah kawan-kawan dan cikgu-cikgu pun tau kau nak fly dan nak kau fly. dahlah masuk intec yang buat hidup tunggang langgang dari segala segi tapi berjaya keluar dan masih hidup. dahlah keputusan pun lepas masa orang lain berjuang untuk dapat peluang lepastu boleh pulak nak ragu-ragu jadah. dahlah dahlah dahlah infinity. jadi tau tak tahap mengarut dia camne bila boleh pulak nak fikir dulu nak fly ke tidak?

pebendala ama.

sampai mak aku pun kata, Allah pun konfius dengan budak ni. dulu mintak kemain, sekarang Aku dah kasi taknak pulak? hahaha. mama pun tak benti doa sejak dulu. aku pun. dua doa sejak kecik yang konsisten: 1. untuk mama 2. untuk dapat the best result in every test and exam in order to study overseas. and after everything won and lost, i dared to have doubts? hahAHAHah.

tapi ma, rasa berat nak pergi ni pun sebab mama jugak salah satunya. i legit asked if ma felt berat hati to let me go, i wouldn't. because before i went to mrsm, which was what i also wanted since forever and i was only 13 to want something that much since my version of forever, i felt berat hati and ma apparently felt the same thing. then tadaaa, i left mrsm 7 months later. but ma seemed to be at ease this time. despite makcik-makcik's and pakcik-pakcik's doubts about mama letting me go, mama didn't have any doubt. so shouldn't i.

another thing is, i didn't feel i deserve it. when i want something, i must get it. once i get it, i don't feel i deserve it. afraid to rejoice. fear that bad things will take place. the classic case of feeling undeserving. as always. i still don't deserve it. but Allah is still the Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim. it's not just about flying, it's about... um, some other things as well. which i had always wanted, and i finally got it. but i kept asking, why?

"Kenapa tetiba kita dapat semua yg kita nak?"
"Sebab ama dah lama tak dapat apa yg ama nak."
:')

Just have faith. As always.


Don't worry too much ama, the future is the future. whatever will happen in the future should not influence what happens now, just as what happened in the past shouldn't. live in the moment!

and i've never been much of a living in the moment kind of person. well except when i'm procrastinating and become blind to the consequences of my action, or inaction if you may. but the rest of the day, i'm always living in either the past, or the future. like now. the past disappoints me and the future excites me, and i'm always living in between. but thats not for this post.

i told myself to accept whatever that will come, and for now my chance came. so i accepted it :)


the photos for this post are of me and my friends in our little farewell get together :")

Hari Hipster

the first one was with C1 Chicks. geli tak? geli sebab nama tu aku yg bagi. hakhakhak. good friends, good food, good place to take pictures, good looking waiter... what else not to love about Lapis Cafe? dahlah lama gila duduk situ pastu bising pastu bergambar sakan. nasib baik tak kena halau.

thanks melah, peqah, nawa, hajer, wani :) thanks melah sebab kasi Amalina's Survival Kit yang comel comel sangat isinyaaa. masa kasi tu melah yang sebak, lulz. pastu masa balik pun peluk peluk melah sebak lagi. because it was the last time i saw them, or so i thought. but for those yang belajar jauh, memang the last time lah. bye :')

you girls went to boarding schools, leaving me alone. now i'm going to uni, leaving you, still alone too. pray for me :( since form 1 till 5ever!

but before that,

HAHAHAH

this is what it means by growing mature (girly) together. haz and i killing time because we arrived like, hours early. which was no problemo because we spent an hour in the car being bimbos. just us girls turning up the radio, trying on make up, taking selfies and stuffs. 

it wasn't obvious because we were going for the natural look... ok... we tried...

OK IT WASN'T EVEN MAKE UP! HAPPY?!

then peqah and wani joined us in, as haz called my blue baby, 'kereta bimbo ama'.

before that aktiviti berbimbo dibawa ke luar dengan meminum Boost (bukan booze) sambil mendengar girl talk wani. jarang jumpa. setahun adalah dua kali purata. sekali jumpa terkeluar semua cerita hahah. sebagai ama, gua dengar je dan tolong bantu mana boleh :3

tapi ama juga perlukan bantuan. dalam kereta bimbo ama inilah ama dapat tahu yang sebenarnya apa dia buat selama ini salah!!! :O ogod what have i done, said ama to herself... sepatutnya... tak patut. tak patut ama guna sabun badan untuk sabun muka. hahahaha. all the girls be like "amaaa!! kenooot! rosak kulit muka nanti! stahppp! nooo!" mana la aku tau??? or aku tau. tapi takdela ambik serius. taula nak cuci muka kena guna pencuci muka. tapi selama ni aku guna sabun badan je ok wat... taktaula pulak tak boleh sampai begitu sekali. ya. sebenarnya aku cuci muka masa mandi dengan sabun badan, sue me. kalau aku cuci muka bebetul guna pencuci muka pun, adala seminggu sekali. dua, tiga kali kalau rajin. kalau tak memang main redah je. lecehla kena cuci muka hari-hari, tahu? sabun jela sekali masa mandi? kan cam baby. hakhakhak.

aku rasa aku pakai cream dengan compact powder pun dah cukup effort. toner, moisturizer, pebenda tah lagi tu semua... malas la k. malas. ada orang lagi la kuar rumah tak pakai pape. i mean, tak pakai pape kat muka. hm. tahla, aku rasa tak selamat letak macam-macam kat muka. untuk kebaikan kulit pun, chemical jugak semua tu. ke camne? ke aku taknak muka teruk bila tua nanti sebab pakai bebenda tu, tapi sebenarnya muka akan jadi teruk sebab tak pakai? argh dilemma. lulz.

somebody research this for me please. by research i mean get in the lab and experiment it yourself :3

then i met these girls at school :)

 

i was at school to see my teachers, and ah. it felt good. to talk to them, and thank them. sat in the lab and ate at the canteen with the girls like the old days. at first we thought it was going to be our last time seeing each other, so this was like the goodbye hugs. they were going somewhere without me sobs. i had to go shopping right after that for things to wear on the next day: the pre-departure program. we had to wear what we'd wear on the day we'd fly off, uuuuu. lol.

a few times they asked me betul taknak ikut ni? they even told diena to go with me hahaha sebab, kamon ar, jumpa sekejap je?? aizureen pun macam, takkan camni je??? takpela, i said. you girls just go. if you come with me or i come with you nanti gelabah terkejar-kejar pulak tak dapat enjoy pun. bye, toleh belakang pandangan terakhir sambil sambung menapak ke bilik guru :')

but who were we kidding. then i got a text from aizureen. so we went out on another day.

kalini puas la sikit, dapat makan-makan, gossip-gossip, sembang-sembang...

dan aku takkan lupa soalan pejah "panjang ke pendek?"

HAHAHAHAHAH I COULD CRYYYY OMG PEJAH PLS

dah habis makan-makan, gossip-gossip, sembang-sembang kat kl festival city, balik sambung pulak kat wangsa walk. hahahah kan aku dah kataaa muka kitorang ni pegi la mana pun, last-last wangsa walk jugak tempat kembali. wwm sentiasa di hati.

time ni ada aizureen, diena dengan aku je. sembang kat kafe sampai malam. ni sembang serius. sembang masalah hidup selama tidak lagi hidup bersama ni. sembang hal stress tapi gelak sampai hilang nafas. dalam beberapa jam, sempatlah disimpulkan walaupun tak semua. walaupun tak macam dulu. tapi jadilah. rindu :')

Siang gelak2. Malam deep. Cuba bukak cerita dua tahun dalam beberapa jam. Tak dapatla kan, tapi puas. Dengar cerita kawan yg dah lama tak dengar cerita, yg dulu masa sekolah hari2 tu jelah keje kita. Kat kelas sembang, kat lab sembang, stayback sembang, online sembang, bila je tak berborak cuba cakap. Sampai keje tak siap hahaha. Rindu.

You guys gave me the best last memories of high school. You were there when i thought i was all alone. Who would have thought we'd be friends like we were after our friends were gone. Who knew we'd share secrets and stories like we did. thank you :)

yes, i have two different groups of friends from high school, and they're all the best. different people in different phases, with different me and different stories, but i love them just the same. friends from high school, there's just something about them. or something about you, the old, younger, different you. that makes the friendships worth your ego, worth the pain. because sometimes it can't be all rainbows, there's gotta be a little rain. it's worth it.

enough friends for a lifetime :)

Amalina's Survival Kit: you and your prayers ;)

Enough

I imagined telling someone about my life and the people in it. I talked about my friends and their lives. Then I talked about one friend. And I started crying. And I was still crying. And I am still crying. And I don't know why. I didn't know why, so I told this friend of mine, for real, not in my imagination, of this sudden weird emotional episode. She said:

"Sebab ama dah berjaya go through it."

That made me cry harder. It was raining outside and I was sitting in a corner (because I was charging my phone lol), but just imagine the dramatic scene. oh ama.

I don't know what I've gone through, surely to cry like this and to hear that make me feel like it's all an overstatement - of whatever it is I've gone through.

But I do know something. That now, I feel enough. This life is enough. These people are enough. It's enough. Now, just enough is already too overwhelming, and that's a good thing.

Is it bad that I want nothing more? I need nobody else? I know I don't know what will happen between me and the people I love, but I don't have to let other people in just for that sake, do I?

It's just me, to not want to talk about my life. It's just me, to not want to tell even the people I love about my life. So nobody has to come to me and ask me for my life story, right? I'm comfortable this way. This is what I choose. Because I like it. And I like the people that are already in my life. Inner life. I know berkawan biar seribu, but honestly, I'd rather have those that I know I'll always have now, insyaallah. Instead of making new ones and ending up losing some. It's not many, but enough for me.

I never want to be too close too quickly to anybody. I'm not this way because I'm lonely or I have nobody or I need somebody or something like that. No, I'm fine just the way I am, thank you.

I'm still not sure what made me cry, whether it was sadness, happiness, gratitude, love, or all of the above.

But now, I think I have an idea why.

demmit, hormones.

Well wishes

Yesterday was one of the nights of revisiting memory lane. yes, revisiting. because one visit is never enough, lulz. i scrolled through some screenshots in my old phone. laugh at some, smile at some, sad about some, and um, cried because of some. if you count two sheds of tears as that.

uploaded something on insta, too. and also posted a status of the same subject. hahaha.

I always think of good people who have ever been good to me and wish good things will happen to them, because they deserve it. Wherever you are, whatever you do, i wish you well :)

revisiting memory lane has those effects, you know. it also makes you want to reach out to people who once stood and sat beside you. most of the time, i don't reach out to anyone. i just think about them, and good thoughts come across my heart. i hope they count as prayers. i'm sure they are.

the post and status were not individually dedicated to anyone. nobody was personally mentioned. it was general, and for many people. but there was somebody i reached out to yesterday.

some of the screenshots reminded me of those months, weeks, and days, when i was not okay. really. not. okay. there was a friend who knew because she accidentally got involved in my life's mess, and she tried to make sure i survived. that i ate. that i went out. that i socialized. god even typing this gives me misty eyes. wth ama.

so i sent her this:

good people deserve good things in this world. and i'll be happy when their time comes :)


funny how i surprised someone with such a text yesterday, and today i received a similar message.

i haven't talked to this person in a long time. in fact, we didn't really talk much even on the internet. sure, some conversations, but that's all. are we friends? not in my definition. we were schoolmates who chatted online and smiled at each other in real life. but i think that person is nice to talk to, and we could talk to each other easily, which is nicer. the last time we did was when i was asked where was i now, to which i replied UK and got no reply after that. then today i got this.

i was a bit late in replying, as i always am, and it was really too late this time... of course i couldn't reply, the account has been deactivated. i wanted to say thanks and some well-wishes too :( it was my fault because i took a look at that message and saw the first few words, and did not open it straightaway, like always. i didn't read the whole thing. i thought it was a template message tailored the same for everyone. but it was not, it was a personal message for me :(

you see, this kind of people. i like them. i have a feeling this person said what was said for the sake of saying it; not for my reply. just like a few other people have done to me. they don't care about appearing weird saying such stuffs out of the blue, they just do. they don't care about what i'd say, if i'd be nice back, if it's gonna be awkward. they just say it because they want to.

People who say and do nice things without hoping for response or expecting any return are not only nice, they are kind. In my mind you get a round of applause and a bouquet of flowers... Even if i don't get to show i appreciate it, which is sad. but i'm happy you exist.

that's what i want to do, and sometimes do :)


but most of all. i thank God that some people see the goodness in me - truthfully i don't know where they get some of that - and He hides all that i lack. it makes me feel undeserving, but hey, who am i to deny such blessing? ;)

SKLK Reunion 2014 :)

bila orang tau kitorang buat reunion sekolah rendah, dorang cam wowww semangatnya!!! 

memang semangat pun kan :')

kenapa semangat? bergantung pada individu. untuk aku, sebab aku paling sosial masa sekolah rendah lah. i had a gang of girls, circles of friends, friends outside my circles, from all classes. it was like one big community. dengan semua aku kawan, tak kira siapa. sebab life aku masa sekolah rendah best jugak kot. biasanya orang kata dorang tak ingat pape zaman tu kan, cam tak bermakna je, pengalaman pun tak seberapa, apa pun takde. tapi tidak pada aku. jadi aku hargai zaman yang orang nak lupakan ni. sebab tu aku tak kisah nak jumpa semula. sebab tu aku tak sombong walaupun segan tu ada. sebab tu walaupun aku langsung tak bersuara masa baru kumpulkan semua, aku setuju untuk tolong anjurkan reunion ni.

ni reunion kali kedua tau! first time masa umur 15. second time ni 20 tahun. adakah the third reunion pada angka 25? atau 30? jeng jeng jenggg. nantikannn. tapi pastinya masa tu dah masuk zaman bekerja, berlaki bini, beranak lah hendaknya kot, heheh. memula jumpa masa sekolah menengah. pastu kalini masa belajar uni. lepasni zaman camtu camtu la lulz.

first reunion function aku ajak orang je. ni zaman text message okay, sekali send kena doploh sen. siap bertopup2 sebab habis kredit promote punya pasal. gigih tak gigih. nasib baik sekarang ada medium yang boleh kacau orang secara percuma. tapi pelik... walaupun kalini promosi secara free, dorang susah nak bekerjasama. bukan aku sorang je frust, ajk lain juga frust. sebab macam-macam. ingat senang ke nak buat benda melibatkan manusia?

tapi takpe, benda dah lepas. reunion pun dah sukses! alhamdulillahhh.

goods in goody bags hehe

ni kira department aku la jugak. jadi ambik jajan zaman sekolah yang aku suka la hahah. tapi mana biskut teddy :( semangat cari sampai dua tempat, tapi gua pulak yang tak dapat. jumpa je terus peluk sampai gelak nazmi and hilmi tengok aku. tapi aku tau korang bersyukur ada aku, kan? kan?! k tq :') patutnya kitorang tak dapat goody bag pun tau sebab nak dahulukan tetamu tsk, tapi ada lebih so ambikla hehe. goody bag aku ni batch kedua. pagi tu tetiba ramai pulak nak datang. tu la orang suh kasi nama siang2. ni korang bagitau siang reunion tu. tak lawak k. terpaksa beli barang last minute, sebab tu ada bag yg tak lengkap. sori :(

tau tak aku tempah button badge dengan sticker tu sehari sebelum cuti raya? malam jumaat tu tetiba aku teringat satu online business ni: Gadis Jumaat. aku discover dia masa sekolah lagi kot. dia buat benda2 comel untuk event, tah camne melekat dalam kepala nama dia. bendanya nama tu tak keluar sampaila betul2 sebelum raya. nasib baik dia layan je padahal nak balik kampung esoknya! siap tak letak urgent fee lagi walaupun sangat last minute, baik gila. malam tu order, esoknya siap. paling best, rumah mak mertua dia dekat taman aku jeee omg jodoh. bukan aku yg pegi amek k, dia yang datang hantar ke rumah. alhamdulillah Allah mudahkan semuanya. pasni tau la nak order kat sape untuk kahwin nanti hehehehahah k.

di sebalik tabir. takde pulak gambar dengan nazmi k :(

AJK - cam sekolah lak ada ajk keceriaan ajk kebersihan - aku, nazmi k, hilmi, haziqah. tapi last minute masa hari kejadian ada orang lain yg tolong2 jugak, macam afiq z, nazmi n dan adiknya, ain nadhirah, maria, apek. terima kasih sangat u ols, tolong set up setting tolong ni tolong tu. tapi yg mempromosi memujuk memaksa kitorang berempat la. yg memilih tempat survey sini sana the boys. yg mencari dan membeli barang, ehhem, serahkan kepada aku, dan the boys sebagai driver dan bodyguard setia.

bersama lilis anak guru besar! guru besar pun datang!! omg!!!

guru besar sumbangkan beberapa goody bags dan pinjamkan gambar kitorang masa kecik2. ni kecik2 zaman darjah 3 kot, ha jangan main-main. sumpah comel gila semua oranggg. siap ada gambar budak2 tarian ya Allah tu tengok memang terbahak2. dengan budak laki lebar dan pendek semuanya, sekarang masyaallah brother LOL. aku pun letak gambar2 yg aku ada jugak masa darjah 5 and darjah 6. sangat ketara perbezaan antara lelaki dan perempuan. masa tu pompuan dah rupa mcm sekarang pun ada, tapi laki masih kemetot dan kecil. lambat sikit perkembangan dorang, maka nampak terbantut hahahah. tapi sekarang...

tak sah kalau dorang tak jumpa aku lepas tu cakap "muka ko memang tak berubah kan!" atau "hahaha pendek gila kau!" excuse me. aku pernah jadi tinggi ok. aku pernah.

tsk. moving on.

macam ni lah ghopenye

sharmin yang pertama datang (kot) dan yang pertama balik (tsk)

basically malam tu: makan, selfie, monopod, sembang. oh ye dorang ada gak buat games, kuiz pasal cikgu2. hint trademark, teka identiti. pastu host si apek dan sesiapa yang rasa nak pegang mic akan kacau tetamu dan tanya soalan memacam. sampai aku bisik "emm kau boleh lek jap kot biar orang lepak dengan tenang jap." hahaha. ye la bising sentiasa pun bingit gak. ke aku je tak cukup social untuk semua ini loool. tak la, sebab aku dah buat playlist kot untuk pasang masa tu. penat je aku mengingat carta mencari lagu apa yang femes zaman dulu untuk orang dengar dan terkenang. pasang masa awal-awal je sobs. nasib baik yang downloadkan semua tu hilmi so takdela rasa dataku terbazir kahkahkah.

ada juga performance! cececey budak2 pendek dah besar siap nyanyi and main guitar!

syamil and afiq perform lagu yang masa tu aku siap sing a long tapi sekarang boleh lak lupa :(

afiq and farabi perform pencuri :)

akhir sekali sebelum sesi bergambar dan bersurai, semua orang kena perkenalkan diri masing-masing. sangat sekolah2 korang ni kkk. idea sapa ni?! masa tu aku tengah deep conversation dengan yassin haha tetiba kena tarik. dahlah aku macam dilemma jap nak cakap aku belajar apa dekat mana. kalau boleh taknak cakap. tapi dorang tanya jugak. lepas tu aku tak sedar pun aku cakap apa, tak ingat pun. rupanya aku jujur terjawab buat alevel eh? dorang tanya lagi, aku pun jawab UK. cis.

tapi tu semua tak jadi masalah sekarang... ok tu nantila hehe.

persembahan terakhir - lagu raya.... comel la tu?!

tapi ni memang comel - BERDIRI NYANYI LAGU SEKOLAH WEH :")

akhir sekali bergambar di pentas kecil kami

masa ni memang nampak sangat jauh beza jumlah lelaki dan perempuan. tsk. boys dari awal dah semangat, senang sangat. bayar tak bayar konfem tak konfem je. tapi kalau sorang ada semua ada la dorang, ada jugak yang datang tanpa geng. masa aku bertugas sebagai receptionist kat reception table tu, ramai yang dari awal taktau pun tapi datang. yang tak kasi nama, takde khabar berita, baru tau semalam, baru nak pegi tadi. tetiba je ada dengan teruja. ini yang kita mahu!

girls walaupun sikit dan takde geng memasing, tapi ada jugak yang datang. termasuk aku sobs lulz. dahlah yang semangat pun ada budak kelas lain yang masa sekolah tak kawan pun takat kenal camtu je senyum bila jumpa je. tapi kita ajak dorang respon. ni lagi buat terharu! terima kasih!! korang mmg osem k?! kita semua osem!!!

to aisyaaah, i know you'd be there if you could. so this whole post is for you k haha sorry lambat. susahlah long distance sangat ni, come to kl asap pls! love you and your long birthday wish which made me cry lulz :")

wajib sambung bergambar di luar

kimi pls. dorang cakap "ama separuh kimi" hahaha kuajjak!
kita cool kan. so pulangkan buku2 aku yg kau buat harta pls.




farabi, aku, budin nak tangkap gambar C1 sesama (sempat lagi) tapi che mat masuk sekali!
aku rasa aku dgn che mat tak pernah kawan pun kot masa sekolah. dengan kembar dia che yah pun cecamtu je. tapi masa reunion semua bergambar bersama :')

bergambar kenangan bersama gambar kenangan

AJK katanyaaa. bersama mantan guru besar cikgu yatim bin dolir

shout out to Syauqi Saidfudin! thanks for your contribution even though you couldn't be there. i know what you did last reunion, LOL. orang ostrelia tak datang tapi banyak membantu, tsk :") insyaallah next time yeah mate?

masa reunion ni memang terkenang banyak benda. sebab laki yang ramai, jadi yg terkenang pun memori pasal dorang la haha. ada yang mintak kat aku gambar kawan2 aku dulu. ada yang aku and the gang pernah hantar surat hai saya suka awak. ada yang tolong hantarkan surat tu. ada yang comel je berawak kita dengan aku. ada yang dalam gang yang gang aku benci tapi suka siap setiap sorang mesti ada kenen dengan sorang lagi haha bapak geli. ada wakil geng bakar LOL. ada yang kawan sampai ke sekolah menengah. ada yang cerita tak terhenti setakat sekolah rendah. ada yang pernah mengadu pasal masalah sekolah baru. ada yang dulu pernah top up kan aku k thanks. ada yang aku kejar sepak tampar. ada yang ada nama panggilan tersendiri aku dengan kawan2 je tau hihi. ada yang jalan balik sekolah sama2. ada yang mintak aku passkan hadiah kepada si dia. ada yang lawak nak mampus sejak dulu asal jumpa je pecah perut gelak. ada yang dulu kalau jumpa salu aku dengan aisyah lakon semula babak dia selamatkan sorang pompuan daripada jatuh tergelincir serupa hindustan. ada yang tolong aku korek pasal crush siap call kan bagai omg friends back then. ada yang drama telenovela masa form 5 hahaha kbai.

so much memories :')

duduk kat lembah dan tak pernah dan takkan pindah, memang camtu la lumrah hidup. balik2 muka kau. muka yang sama sejak mula sampai bila2. sekolah rendah ke sekolah menengah. memang tak dapat lari la haha. dalam satu tempat tu, dekat satu meja tu, setiap sorang mesti ada memori tersendiri. kelakar kot. "eh kau duduk sebelah dia pulak", "omg irony", "hm kita dah lain". oh this oh that lol. tapi special kot semua tu, kan?

Reunion SKLK Batch '06 :)

thank you so much to semua -+ 50 orang yang datang, yang sokong, yang tolong, terima kasih sangat minta maaf kalau ada kekurangan mana-mana, kalau tak dapat apa yang patut dapat, kalau terdapat kurang apa yang patutnya lebih, kalau aku yang ajak tapi tak sempat lepak sama ke apa, sorry ye :(

thanks to nazmi k yang jadi tunjang akar punca pencetus semua ini. thanks to hilmi sebab jadi tukang kutip duit, tukang ambik aku, tukang buat ni buat tu. thanks to haziqah jugak. thanks to yang membantu sikit dan banyak, disebut atau tak.

bak kata nazmi k, dia aku ngan hilmi tak rapat pun, but together we could make it work :") aku ngan nazmi dah tak jumpa bertahun, aku ngan hilmi lagi la masa sekolah pun tak pernah bertegur. tapi apa yang penting? kerjaaasamaaa. hahaha

dalam gambar ni majoriti memang tak pernah nampak dah habis sekolah rendah. lapan tahun taktau apa cerita taktau rupa camne. masa ni la nak ehh kau dah tinggi ehh kau tak membesar ehh suara dah lain ehh sekarang kau baik, bagai. comel je.

jadi harapnya next reunion, lagi ramai yang ada jangan sombong jangan segan, ajak ramai kawan-kawan baru tak kesunyian! jumpa lagi dalam masa beberapa tahun nanti! :)

it was nice seeing people who saw me changed from the little girl i was to a young lady i am now. ececeh. but it's true. they know things about me yall could never imagine... lulz. siap ada yang cakap "ama dah baik", "cam suci je. sejuk mata memandang", "kalau dulu..." hellooo??? but oh well. i embrace it all lol.

thanks everyone for your cooperation to make this Reunion SKLK 2.0 happen!