Mimpi Lagi

YES HAJAT TERCAPAI! impian nak ponteng seminggu berturut-turut lepas PMR jadi kenyataan. gembira terkancing-kancing gigi sengih ni. rase macam cuti semester pulak, dan nak tambah lagi jadi cuti akhir tahun :D addicted addicted.

ape yg pasti kena lebih creative lah kali ni fikir alasan untuk surat 'MC'. hohoho. this is me people, dah lame buat kerja ni. sangat malas pergi sekolah durh. i mean what's the point kan? those kids who chose to leave next year will not interfere with my grand plan, sape suruh korang pindah pindah hah. tengok aku dah kena pendekkan ponteng sebab nak habeskan saat-saat akhir ngn diorang lah pulak. susah betul jadi people person mcm nih. *sigh*

tiga malam lepas, setelah lame mimpi same yg saspen tak dtg bertandang, akhirnya menjelma semula. dlm mimpi tu, wp PMR dah lepas, tetiba aku masuk MRSM SERTING BALIK, BALIK WEH. BALIK. aku taktau ape fungsinya masuk akhir2 tahun camtu. nak belajar, eh otak form 3 aku taknaklah subject form 4, shuh shuh.

tapi betape salah dan culture shock gila aku bile dgr yang budak Serting masih belajar, Bahasa Arab and etc., SUBJECT FORM 3. ULANG BALIK syllables. sgt nerd. and i was like, nervous and tak sanggup nak hadap benda yg same, termasuklah proses memalukan keluar MRSM. dlm setiap mimpi yg aku balik Serting, aku akan takmau dan malu gila nak masuk balik SMKLK and kuar MRSM buat kali ke berapa tah dlm mimpi2 tersebut.

dahlah dekat Dewan Selera budak2 dah start pandang, sure berita dah heboh Amalina Kembali ni. dlm kesaspenan, tetiba nampak Wani. Wani buat muka innocent ckp "eh ama, kite ingat kite dah bgtau awk yang kite pun masuk sini jugak". tak boleh blah ok time tu. tp nasib die ade, takdelah aku segan sgt, regardless Wani bukanlah org yg berhadapan dgn pokok pisang berbuah dua kali ni. agak lambat lah masuk kelas Al-Faraby, my previous class at Serting, with the very same people and teachers argh tidakk fobiaaa.

masuk masuk, Aril kate "haaaa tu dia!" tunjuk kat aku, dan kedengaran bunyi tepukan. tp taktau untuk sape, mungkin untuk Wani sbb diorang terpesona dgn kelawaan die kot? aku pun jalan sengih-sengih. time tu diorg tengah belajar prep malam, Bahasa Arab. muka yg aku nampak clear ialah muka Aril, Mia and Irah sengih, dan bila sampai belakang, Acap. yang aku tanak pandang, terutama bila cikgu suruh die bangun dan kasi tempat duduk die kat aku. time muka die dah tak puas hati pandang aku tu, tiba-tiba aku terjaga. cis, memang mimpi camnila mainan setan. kalau mimpi Fahrin Ahmad tu bukanlah kan.

dan aku penah mimpi Fahrin Ahmad.

kemudian mimpi 2 malam lepas ade kaitan dgn Serting lagi iaitu terjumpa dengan MCAF. ceh ceh name samaran you, biaselah budak asrama tigeblas tahun kurang kasih sayang di perantauan. gelaran ni ade kena mengena dgn Aznil Nawawi, itu pasal la ade AF. mungkin sebab profession mereka lebih kurang same kot iaitu MC. tekalah tekalah~ haha

mimpi pergi ke rumah MCAF, mcm dah jumpa family semua, kakak siap ade lg walhal die anak sulung. siap solat jemaah, tlg mak die kat dapur dah mcm motherinlaw-daughterinlaw moment lak. before tu konon aku jalan-jalan kat shopping mall mane tah dengan member, sekali jumpa die. something berkenaan tak solat lagi kot so ikut die balik rumah. daring gila. mimpi kadang-kadang memang pelik kan sebab kite tak fikir pun pasal subject mimpi tu, tetiba die datang angin mane bawak tah.

tapi agak-agaknya mimpi kalau ade kaitan dgn solat keagamaan camtu petunjuk Allah tak? k fine. alah it was just a normal crush, and i couldnt care less about him now (ignore: except stalk him a couple of times on myspace).

nak cerita ke? okok sangat tempting but its not like i ever tell it completely to everyone, so what the heck nak cerita public gila kat sini. bila berpijak atas bumi sptlah fikir bahawa memandangkan blog ini dipandang sepi oleh 'public', jadi takde risiko besar lah kan dedahkan kisah sensasi ni? cume katelah, KATELAH tanpe niat perahsantan di sini yang adela jugak 3, 4 orang bace, jatuh maruah i kalau depa tau, you. ok fikir fikir fikir.

conclusion; takkan cerita. tulah korang sape suruh tak support aku bila aku mintak pendapat nak buat personal blog pasal MRSM cerita hampir segala-galanya di sana? 'korang' mentioned as in Nawa sorang je yg tanya aku kenapa nak buat blog pasal MRSM, bukan pasal 3C1. sangat mendukacitakan nawa, tsk tsk if only korang tahu ape terbuku di hati ini. pahit getir masam manis semua ingin dikongsi, tetapi. . tengoklah aku yg tak femes ni, belum pape orang dah jeles rase tak dihargailah ape lah.

sebab tu lah aku tak femes mcm dolu2, saje tenggelamkan diri avoiding scandals and issues. kalau tak jadi mcm Gossip Girl lak kisah hidup kat SMKLK nih.

sekian habes edisi perasan menutup kenyataan dan perasaan.

If You Could See Me Now

i'm having bloodshot eyes and painful headache and tears running down all over my face and catching up my breath. nope, this isnt another drama of mine since when do i ever tell you here?

ok this is due to Cecelia Ahern's touch in one of her best novels i've just finished reading. on second thought and without a doubt at all, i might say it is the best, kicking P.S I Love You down the hill. yes i'm sure, If You Could See Me Now is the best yet, and definitely one of a kind.

about an imaginary friend, who apparently in the novel does exist, but only visible to people who need their help. Ivan entered Luke's life, unknowingly did so to help Elizabeth, Luke's aunt and his foster mother, and not Luke precisely. Elizabeth saw him, had meaningful chat with him, and fell in love with him, unconscious Ivan wasn't real to other people, but only to his own kind and people who are needy.

and Ivan fell in love with her too, and with that he realized his assignment to help Elizabeth and Luke assisted him in helping himself as well, in ways he could never have imagined.

so everything seems like a modern fairytale, before the pain of them losing each other emerged. and my reason of being so over-dramatized with a story that is so fiction it has got nothing to do with me and never will is simply because i realized despite the difference in Elizabeth's life and mine, we have something in common.

Elizabeth's life was complicated from the day her mother deserted her, to the day her sister who she had raised up herself created so much troubles in her life she even had to leave her job and her love and returned to her hometown to take care of her newly born nephew, to the day her father hated to see her face for she reminded him of his ignorant wife, and life had been hard ever since she was 12. Elizabeth lived her life according to boring routine, never bothered to do silly things for pure happiness as if she was a robot wasnt programmed to have feelings at all.

but one thing, she did have. she had bottled up all of her feelings, troubles, pain and sadness inside she never spilled them up. the bottle was overloaded yet not one word was spoken to anyone. and i really got her, you know. feeling when you know nobody would understand you better than yourself, so why bother to tell?

Elizabeth kept everything to herself and never revealed anything but on one night after she had dealt with so much dramas, she let it out to a stranger named Ivan. after that, Ivan kept coming back especially when she was in much need for someone to listen, and he would always appear when she started thinking of him.

imagine you as Elizabeth, you had lead a dull and painful life and you got nobody to share your burden with, you hardly even speak to yourself about how you are feeling, so talking about it alone is something so strange. then came Ivan, a stranger from nowhere who listened to your every word, and utmost important is he listened to what you aren't saying, more to what you are hiding. you let it all to him, and he knows you better than anyone, he teaches you many small things about life you always missed, and to fill yourself with happiness and change your way of seeing life.

he made everything seems so fine and made you an optimist. he changed you head to toe for the better and you fell in love with this warm stranger who you know nothing about.

and Ivan, he never thought he would feel this kind of love. he thought it was possible for him to stay with Elizabeth for eternity, while he help those who need him, an invisible friend as a company. everytime she shared her secret misery, she gave him hear heart.

until one day Ivan was standing before Elizabeth, but she just looked through him. he started to be invisible to her, and he watched her searching for him in dismay when he was actually standing next to her. it meant their time together would come to an end.

it was much harder for Ivan to accept that he would never be a perfect partner for Elizabeth, when he could see her but she started losing him. it was harder for Ivan to say goodbye first, before Elizabeth couldnt see him completely and thought he betrayed her, before she started wasting her life waiting for him everyday. it was harder for Ivan to watch Elizabeth moved on, while he was still standing with her, and wouldn't ever move on.

one week ago, i had reached the part where everything was perfect. with Elizabeth and Ivan, they didn't act like two lovebirds who whispered sweet nothing all the time, who were holding hands, eyes locked in a romantic way and whose faces were constantly glued to each other. it was because Ivan, who had spent his life befriending children, had his mind more like a kid's himself apart from his ability to think deeply. even they only told each other i love you at the final moment they spoke, when Ivan said his goodbye.

so i really love how subtle they expressed their feeling. then i took a peek at what was coming, when Elizabeth found out that she had been spending time with a great guy who was as innocent as a child could be, but invisible to everyone else. and i cried while i was peeping, so hurt i put the book down and intended not to read it anymore.

i've been so attached with Elizabeth myself, for god's sake a fiction character, who i know so well, almost as if she was my own reflection. i couldnt bear after all her wound had been healed by a perfect man, she was to learn she would and could never see him again. i was given hope that Elizabeth would meet a happy ending with Ivan, and i felt as if it was my ending. i

understood Elizabeth so well, that i felt her happiness of founding her savior would make me happy too, when i was sure i would never found one. i have only lived for fifteen years, but i've learned to accept that in this kind of matter, i would never get what i want. but Elizabeth did, and suddenly her happiness was taken away, and i felt mine was shattered too.

and i've been so fond of Ivan, a soul i would never meet in my whole life. someone that could see right through me, inside and out and would know i'm not okay without having to ask. someone that listens so much even my silence speaks something to him. someone that really can be trusted, who is pure and gentle. someone that would make me believe in impossibilities.

always in movies or books there would be a character so fake saying they can see that someone wasn't alright, and they know how much in despair that someone was know everything from the eyes whatever. and i kept thinking, so rubbish all those things, it would never happen in real world, never to me at least. but when Ivan does it without saying those corny lines, i saw hopes. Ivan is a fiction character, but when you stop hoping, even a fiction like him would change your world, you know. so after i learned the ending, i cried and didnt want to feel anymore hurt that Elizabeth felt.

but today i picked the book up, and picked up where i had left. when i was getting closer to the end i already knew, it was even harder to keep on reading. i thought even a fiction character who shares some of my fate could have the happy ending with the way she wanted.

i am real, not fiction, and what does my ending say? i am sure even at the middle of my story, there wont be anyone who was fiction enough, as unreal as Ivan was, who could say to me they can see what i'm hiding, they know i'm in need, and that their presence wont bother me to tell them everything, and open up to let them help me. i want an Ivan, imaginary friend or whatever, if i cant have a real living person, i'm better off imagining things. how i wish i were that lunatic.

please do not misunderstand that i went through all these emotions because i'm a teenage girl constantly being dumped by stupid boys and saying oh i know how they are feeling cos i have lost my life, stupidly saying that even when i can barely feed on my own. please, your words are heading the wrong direction. i didnt cry because i THINK i know the feeling so great for i have been dating many boys and when they leave i would cry my heart out like they are so precious. i'm not that kinda person you know. please, if one thing i have got left in me, it is pride. and pride guides me through life, if it doesnt i will be very much the same with some people out there.

i admit i'm weird and i like it. i'm weird for crying for something i am almost positive i would never experience myself. i cry for happy endings and perfect storyline of fiction characters, especially when i'm familiar with somethings in their life. i'm crying for the worst, and even for the best. so content looking at characters whose life have been difficult, but yet a happy ending awaits them, the way fiction goes. this book by far, is my favorite. a quick dip into my real life, i may say.

Ivan oh Ivan. i really need you, even if you are a fantasy.

Akulah Wirawati Zaman SKLK

lepas PMR, baru 4 hari aku ponteng. rase mcm pencapaian la pulak. yelah, before PMR aku sgt rajin ponteng, asek-asek kena sound. mase form 2 siap nak dpt surat amaran lagi dah. tp sekarang nak ponteng, rase tak berkat lak. cam cikgu dah penat prepare activity nak bg budak datang, tp semua mcm tak appreciate je usaha cikgu, sebak sebak. rase cikgu mesti ingat aku sombong ke ape ke, nanti camne nak dpt 8 A kan?

tapi minggu ni sukan je kot, so babailah. aku masuk hiskul ni, sukan, kawad, semua tak campur sangat. kalau zaman sklk dulu, punyalah terer. serious. aku kawad since darjah 4, so tak heranlah jika menjadi kesayangan cikgu. dah asek-asek muka aku. sebab aku tinggi MASA TU, w/p darjah 4 aku sebaris ngn akak-akak darjah 6, so boleh geng ngn dorang ar. pape kang, cikgu panggil aku, kire orang kuat kawad pandu puterilah. komander kalau nak pilih kasih ke, panggil tunjuk ajar ke, mesti panggil aku. whoop, best gila.

memangla malas nak gi latihan petang-petang, kadang-kadang aku siap doa suruh hujan bagai. tapi bila dah sampai, memang semangatla. kalau hujan pun kawad dalam dewan, gegar gila. kalau tak ramai, masuk rumah Cikgu Aisyah, cikgu pandu yang dia dan suaminya ajar kitorg kawad. ya Allah, rindu gila.

aku memang sayang team kawad maybe sebab kitorg semua time tu kamcing gila, drpd junior sampaila senior. semua sekepala, apetah lagi aku yang tiga tahun berturut-turut dalam team kawad. bila kite rela, bermandi peluh pun takpe. lagi best sebab salu skip kelas, whoo whoo. masuk kelas pun aku salu pakai seluar sukan ngn baju kurung je, mcm hebat lak rase. kadang-kadang kitorg amek mase lebih lepak. kadang-kadang sampai tahap tense, memang boleh gaduh. gaduh sampai menangis. bila seronok, semua menyanyi-nyanyi, nak kawad pun main-main tergelak gelak. haih, the best team ever.

mase darjah 4, peringkat daerah pandu puteri, SKLK memang juara bertahan sejak azali. lepastu masuk daerah badan uniform lak, kitorg dapat tempat ke-3 tp tak dpt masuk negeri, time tu emo gila. semua nangis. nangis gila sampai sekolah tak habis-habis lagi. sebab kitorg berlatih bagai nak rak, rase buat yang terbaek tapi result tak terbaek pon. and maybe sebab ade squad pakai paku. time tu patutnya takboleh, tapi dorang lak menang. and sebab tempat ke-3 tak dpt plag, sijil je. rase cam tak bestlaa.

darjah 5 lagi hampeh, w/p menang daerah pandu, tapi dapat saguhati je kat daerah badan uniform. akak2 darjh 6 semua kecewa, nanges sebab tu kan tahun terakhir diorang kawad kat SKLK, tp resultnya paling teruk dalam sejarah sekolah. before aku masuk, sekolah kitorg masuk kebangsaan pun ade. sampai top 3 lagi.

darjah 6, memang dah adat SKLK menang daerah pandu juara setiap tahun. kira sangat membanggakan sebab tahun tu cikgu langsung tak ajar sebab dia mengandung dan suami die sebok dan kalah teruk last year kot. pandai-pandai la kitorg disiplinkan diri practise w/p cikgu tak supervise, kitorg ajar beginner, handle sendiri la semua.

kadang2 je cikgu spot check. naseb baek ade yang dah lame kawad termasuk aku and beberapa org je yang tiga tahun berturut-turut. ramai quit sebab UPSR. abang aku bising gak, tapi kesah ape aku. kawad dah a part of life la and UPSR tu 5 bulan lepas kawad habes. bukannya takleh blaja, aku dok umah pun petang2 tido je baiklah bakar kalori sikit. lepas kawad habes pon balik tido, so takdela aku nak belajar petang2 utk UPSR.

tahun 2006 mmg tak teratur, rase mcm akan kalah teruk je. tp naseb baek maseh menang daerah pandu. lega lah tiga tahun aku kawad, tiga2 juara peringkat tu. paling tacing, peringkat daerah badan uniform, tanpa disangka kitorg dapat tempat ketiga! terasa lagi keterujaan tu. memang time tu terkejut nak mati, happy gila naek pentas tabik ke depan amek hadiah ke belakang tabik undur jangan tunjuk bontot semua. wow. rinduuuuuu.

Cikgu Aisyah dan suami pun datang, happy gila. diorg dtg tak bgtau, tu yg happy diorg dapat tengok kitorg menang. rasenya dapatla compensate utk kekalahan lepas. w/p tak dpt gi negeri, tapi mmg bersyukur gila sebab tak sangka. and tahun 2006 peringkat badan uniform, tempat ketiga pun dpt plag, besar lak tu.

setiap tahun, peringkat daerah badan uniform salu hari isnin, time orang perhimpunan kitorg last practise bersungguh-sungguh belakang sekolah sampai bunyi hentak kuat gila kat tapak perhimpunan pun dengar. sebelum pergi, jalan depan perhimpunan, salam cikgu-cikgu pandu puteri dan yg pangkat tinggi. atas bas semua perhimpunan babai, serious rase cam selebriti yang berperang.

mase 2005 and 2004 before sebarang bunyi selain kaki dan tangan dilarang ketika bertanding, kitorg ade special trademark. sampai sekarang aku ingat step dia. ade 4 step, setiap step satu huruf untuk SKLK. kitorg jerit gila kuatlah, nak terkeluar anak tekak tercirit segala sampai rase cam bergegar bangunan. after that, semua akan impress dan sorakan dan tepukan mengiringi kami keluar gelanggang :')

pandu puteri SKLK memang antare yg paling femes dan semangat. mase aku baru join time darjah 4, tahun tu uniform drpd coklat putih ditukar kepada hijau biru. sekolah kitorg antare yg terawal pakai uniform baru pergi lawan. kitorg siap panggil tailor khas ok ukur badan sorang-sorang. kira tu mmg ukuran kitela, special gila bayangkan. aku still dapat pakai uniform hijau tu sampai sekarang, kecuali warna dah lusuh lah. tsk tsk :')

kem aku join peringkat sekolah, daerah and negeri. sangat precious itu memori.

mase kat peringkat negeri, aku demam panas tetiba. tapi still semangat buat persembahan atas pentas segala. time tu camping betulla, makanan menyedihkan dan tempat tak best, yg best aktiviti outdoor, tido ramai-ramai, kenal-kenal dan kumpul pengalaman. peringkat daerah, tempat better sebab kat kompleks sukan. tido kat dorm, dahla dorm aku yg paling sikit orang, enjoy habeslah. makanan sedap, aktiviti lebih indoor and menyenangkanla.

kat sini Cikgu Aisyah ajar care pompuan berjalan, one step in front of another. sejak tu terus aku berjalan cam pompuan sampai skang. tiga hari je kot, tp rapat gila ngn semua, ade sorang ni dulu die lawak gila and perangai cam haram dan salu menyanyi lagu "gadis ayu", salu ejek aku, tp bila nak balik, kitorg nanges peluk-peluk akan merindui masing-masing. before tu benci gila. ade minah ni lak suke berkemban setiap mase. kem yg tu paling berjaya buat kawanla and strong bonding w/p untuk 3 hari je. lepas tu ade calling-calling gak, tp time passed by kan.

aku dulu memang antara ahli yang femes kot, sebab salu menyebok dan pegang jawatan dan salu participate benda-benda. kalau ade budak buat hal, akulah antare senior yang datang bercakap, kalau ade menangis kena buli ngn commander, aku gak antare orang tengah, kalau nak menggedik kuar barisan sembang2, aku gaklah antare diberi free pass. hehe.

sukan, tak aktif sebab salu clash dengan kawad. olahraga memang dr dulu aku fail, so aku salu ponteng latihan and tryout atau sembunyi dlm toilet. tp bola baling and bola tampar, bak dtg. takleh masuk wakil sekolah sebab kawad, aku pilih kawad sebab mmg cinta gilakan.

ade sekali aku maen bola tampar untuk rumah kuning, menang, dapat score 4 kali kot, time tu final round. dahlah score depan jejaka idaman time tu, kawan-kawan die semua pun whoop whoop aku time tgh nak tampar. sgt distracting, ade sekali aku pandang die time tgh tampar, bodoh gila sampai bola tu kuar line nak kena cikgu dah. die gelak gelak. haha, bestnya jd budak-budak mentah cam dulu. skang aku sgt heranlah dekat die, dah bertransform jd boyan, malu i.

then after rumah kuning menang bola tampar, cikgu panggil kate player utk bola baling tak cukup. baru nak rehat, tp mood sukan tgh memuncak, so aku masuk padang. lebih kurang 3 kali kot score. aku tak tipulah, serious ingat sebab aku kan jarang bertanding dlm sukan, so kena la ingat kan. tadela rase loser sgt diri ni. bahaha. time tu dpt 2nd or 3rd lah, last-last aku yg dpt medal, player yg bantu smpai ke final round tak dtg tak dpt pape. aku bidan terjun lak untung.

after UPSR kitorg byk aktiviti, antarenya ialah bola baling. aku maen untuk 6 Darul Ehsan. aku shoot banyak gaklah score, sgt memeranjatkan diri sendiri. maybe sbb tengoklah keeper pon camnekan. ade sorg keeper ni mmg aku bantai cukup2. dlm padang tayah lah cover cun utk jejaka pujaan, tgk aku, maen dlm hujan basah kena lumpur tergelincir sini sana tudung berkerepot pun masih dipuja gak. takde hal. haha.

tu zaman SKLK lah, SMKLK ni aku pathetic gila. takpe, sambung. aku as main shooter time tu ta kesah nak control ayu. sampai terpelanting-pelanting aku shoot bola. sampai terseliuh. time tu semua "amalina mane? haa sini masuk padang cepat", "amalina terseliuh? camne ni?". sgt terharu, tak penah camtu kot dlm sukan. tsk tsk.

banyak gila lawan, tukar2 shooter kdg2 maria, kdg2 syuhada kalau die tak jadi keeper. musuh ketat 6 Makmur sbb diorg ade two top school players yg mmg strategi nak maen antare dorg dua je. dorg la defend, dorg la shoot, semua nak sapu mentang2 terer. w/p terseliuh, aku still maen gak.

nak dkt final, cikgu suruh syuhada ngn maria masuk kelas Takzim sbb dorg tak cukup player ke hape tah. tinggallah aku yg berlari pun dah senget ni. naseb still ke final. lawan ngn Makmur. as expected, kalah. tp aku tak frust sebab dlm sejarah hidup, aku rase tu jelah mase aku bertanding atas padang betul-betul. dan sampai kitorg dapat naib johan. sangat sentimental value ok kisah tu. tak dpt dahla korg nak tgk aku bersukan camtu skang ni.

kenangan-kenangan ni antara yg terbaek zaman SKLK. kenangan yg aku tau takkan jumpa kat mane-mane, dan takkan berulang kat mane-mane. aku pun berkawad gak kat SMKLK, tp tak best sangat. aku nak squad cam kat SKLK gak. sukan pulak, memang tak indahlah pemandangan kalau aku skang nak terkinja-kinja depan gol, tergolek-golek dlm lumpur mcm dulu. plus, takde dah ramai-ramai hampir satu batch yang akan sorak untuk aku bila aku pegang bola, sebab aku yg dulu laen dgn aku yg sekarang. tsk tsk.

Saya Kini Penyembelih Ayam Berlesen!

hari ini, penyembelihan 30 ekor ayam akan dilakukan oleh bebudak form 3. tengoklah muke excited di atas menunggu ketibaan ayam-ayam tersebut.

tragis, sadis sekali. tsk tsk. aku takleh tahan tengok orang yang tutup hidung bile bau darah ayam ni. awal-awal takpelah, hidung kau maybe terkejut dengan bau sebegitu tajam dan langsung tak bau macam darah lain. darah fresh tu.

tapi it is sort of showing your disrespect towards those ayams, which were slaughtered to feed you jugak yang makan ayam tak ingat dunia. hey, before ayam tu sampai kat korang, freshly cooked, this is what awaits them dan tukang sembelih tu.

fikirlah sikit, tak elokla tunjuk anda geli geleman sangat, tu makanan kite. kau ingat ayam tu datang macam kat sorga? tayah berdarah tayah apa? kau ingat darah kau tu wangi sangat? ini mungkin sekali seumur hidup je kau bau darah ayam, life experience weh. eee menyampah.

sebelum ayam tu disembelih, bila kita dah pegang halkum die, die tutup mata, seriously. macam dah meredhakan je ape yang berlaku. yelah, si ayam dijadikan Allah sebagai makanan manusia, untuk bantu kita jadi khalifah kat bumi ni. so aku rase ayam yang akan disembelih semua mesti dah rase berjaya mencapai tujuan die hidup; iaitu disembelih untuk membolehkan manusia makan secara halal.

laenlah kalau die mati kena langgar lalu haram dimakan, mungkinlah die sedih menemui ajal. kan? aku terharu lah bila tengok penyembelihan, rase cam ayam tu mesti rest in peace punyelah. mesti die bahagia di sana :')

hebat tak aku tangkap ini gambar? nampak tengkok terbelah dan darah mengalir. i took the risk, melutut sebelah orang yg tengah menyembelih, sebelah baldi darah, sebelah darah tumpah. untuk dapatkan shot terbaek. gambar kawan-kawan yang sembelih, semua aku tangkap camtu. nampak ekspresi muka, badan, nampak darah ayam mengalir dari pisau, bangga aku.

cuma bila sampai part aku sembelih je, semua gambar dari tepi, hidung je nampak kalo ye pun. dorang cakap dorang tanak gi tepi darah ayam, sabar je. untuk menebus rase kecewa, aku takkan kasi gambar korang yang cun-cun semua. muahaha.

yes itu aku, itu aku! walaupun frust gambar tak nampak muka, tapi bersyukurlah dorang tlg tgkpkan. baeklah ade drpd takde, begini pun beginilah T__T

oh pengalaman menyembelih? aku dah sengih sorang2, nak buat ke tak ni. takut? jujur tak. cume risau aku tak dapat putuskan urat merih tu sekali tekan, takut tak mampu. kang menderita lak ayam tu. tapi last last fikir, ni maybe once in a lifetime experience dowh, sangat tak rasional nak takut time tu.

lalu rase nervous dibayangi rase excited, aku pun angkat tangan menonjolkan diri. tersengih-sengih. mula-mula takut ayam tu patuk aku, yelaa, contohnye nawa lama gila die nak pegang halkum ayam. tapi rupanya baek je ayam aku, tak protest pun bila pegang. mula dengan bismillah, aku pun tekan dan selamatlah dia. alhamdulillah, tercapai tujuan hidup ayam ni akhirnya, dan disembelih oleh aku lak tu, tacing :')

aku excited je sepanjang penyembelihan, cuma pastu baru tangan terketar-ketar dan bernafas tak menentu. kemudian kami pompuan kelas 3c1, 3c2 dan 3taqwa menolong kerja2 dapur.

eh, apa barang buat kerja kering, sayang?

lihat kami Geng Potong dan Basuh Ayam. cool tak? barulah gangster.

oh muka diorang memang tak pernah masuk blog aku, kerana diorang ni kelas 3c2 dan konon bukan ganglah. mana gang aku? semua bermain dengan benda kering di tempat kering. aku je sesat dekat sini. aku bangga, diorang ni ade gak yang tak pernah buat kerja2 dapur camni, tapi diorang buat gak dan last-last, diorang pun terus pandai. terharu i tengok, tsk tsk.

alaa, jangan takutlah, tadenya buat ayam guna tangan nak melekat bau ayam kat satu badan. korang ingat mak-mak kite tu mandi balik ke setiap kali lepas masak ayam? sampai bila tanak cuba, time ni lah kita nak belajar, buat ngn kawan-kawan seronok ape. daripada kau buat sorang-sorang kat dapur cam aku, memang rase nak tertido lah.

janganlah ingat kita nak jadi wanita berkarier kita takpayah tahu, habes kau dah kawen esok bibik kau masak untuk anak laki kau? sangat salah persepsi itu. kau ingat aku semangat belajar masuk dapur ni sebab aku nak kawen umur 17 ke? hish. drpd mak mentua kau kena ajar sambil bebel kenapalah dia amek kau jadi menantu, lagi naya.

eh, jauh pandangan aku nih. dah bermentua segala. takpe, motivasi.

hai, lihatlah tangan saya dilumuri isi kotor ayam dan darah kotor ayam. aku rase ade dalam berbelas jugaklah ayam aku kerjakan dalam besen tuh.

eh aku hotlah tengok ade certain budak yang tak tolong pape, datang tengok kitorg buat kerja, pastu tanya bila boleh makan. amboi amboi, aku pun malas jugak, tapi aku tau nak respect orang dan jaga maruah diri, ta penah aku tak tolong masak pastu nak makan awal-awal. bebudak tu siap ade yang tengah kilatkan kuku tengok kitorg bertungkus lumus, sabar sabar. eh kau ingat kuku kau tu nanti yangt nak impress bakal laki? tengok bakal laki camne la kot, ye tak?

ini muka gembira dah habeskan satu besen ayam lalu paksa orang datang amek gambar dia kat sini. aku puas gila buat ayam tu semua. puas tengok orang makan dan fikir maybe die tengah makan ayam yang aku potong, yang aku sembelih. rase diri ini berbaktilah pulak, haha poyo.

si pemotong ayam bersama pembasuh ayam, Nadhirah dan pemanggang ayam tetiba terselit kat belakang tu, Eri.



dan aku mendapati kasut aku tetiba bercorak camni. sebelah je pulak tuh. polka dot kunyit. sila lihat aktiviti dalam gambar bawah untuk tau punca pencorakan.

Preview

Tukang Perap.



Tukang Panggang.

Tukang Potong dan Basuh. kecuali kamilah yang paling hadapan, iaitu Tukang Kerja Kering dan hanisah di belakang iaitu Tukang Pegang Kamera. kami semua kerja dah setel, jadi melihat ayam dipanggang sambil menunggu ayam dihidang. cikgu pulak kasi free pass kat kitorg, sape yang menolong amek dulu, yang tak, faham2 sendirilah ye.

Tukang Cuci.



Tukang Cuci Longkang.

dan akhirnya, setelah memotong satu besen ayam, inilah habuan aku, yeay! disebabkan sorang dapat satu je, aku pun makan ayam ni slow-slow. dah lah sedap, kenalah hayati rasenya tu. sangat slow aku makan tak habes-habes sampai si Eri ingat aku ambek 2 kali. berbaloi-baloi!

Makan tepi tempat ayam dihidang, manelah tau ade rezeki boleh tambah lagi.



itulah dia hari saya, terujanya sehingga terjadilah aksi dan muka sebegini.

Pizza 3Cem1 : 1300882525.

hye y'allz! hari ni i akan story kat y'allz about hari we allz sme buat pizza at skul yawh! owh, y'allz jangan comment about muke i dalam pixcha atas ni yawh, i baru inject tang sini, inject tang sana nak bagi kulit gebu lagi tegang y'allz!!!

takde sape perasan ke yang muka aku time ni macam maknyah sejati?

takpelah kalau lah ketinggian aku menjadi bahan budak-budak ni ade idea nak buat lawak, biarkan. asalkan aku bersyukur aku tak kerdil terus dan sah-sah aku akan dapat laki tinggi, ketot pon ketotlah. tapi kerana hukum karma, budak budak ni mungkin akan dapat bini setinggi aku, cuma simpang patpolohpat lah aku jadi bini diorang. taste i tinggi y'allz.

ketinggian aku sebenarnya beginilah. pendek itu comel, jangan bangkang!

aku memotong bawang yang budak laki dah hancurkan. maen potong je ikut sedap tangan. sampai ibu bulb bawang yang hijau tu pun keluar, bayangkan. tak penah orang potong bawang nampak yang tu lah, hadeh. last last aku gak kena coverkan bawang2 yang dah hancur tu, asal cgu dtg je semua ckp "ni potong bawang camne ni, amalina?"

dah dorg blacklist aku drpd jadi menantu pilihan.

mengasah skill menjadi isteri mithali, ceh ceh.

hai farabi. orang mesti curious kan tengok mengapakah budak sorang ni salu benar muncul dlm blog aku, asal post bergambar je die ade. itu adalah kerana, die dua pupu nawa. langsung takde kena mengena eh? lihat lihat, die memotong ayam dengan skillnya.

dia juga reti memasak ayam. dah lah sedap, isk budak ni. memang kau tak jadi chef besar sok taktaulah. budak laki laen tau ape? tau mentekedarahhh je.

eh tak tak, mereka juga tahu buat pizza, cuba tengok tu. semua benda mereka campur atas pizza mereka. paling gross, ayam yang farabi masak tu, mereka peram ngn semua sos dan bahan yang ade. but boy was i wrong. sedaplah jugak pizza mengarut tu.

akmal siap buat pizza ade motif nazi lagi atas die, sah fanatik hitler.

hah, part paling best on the pizza-making day was, due to the ketamakan dan ketakmaluan budak budak laki, mereka mengambil lima pizza, tiga lebih daripada sepatutnya yang macam cikgu tetapkan. haih mereka ni, tapi bestla boleh buat banyak2. pompuan 3 pizza, laki 2 kot. alah it wasnt unfair pon, since selesainya pizza dibakar dalam oven, kami semua makan time tu jugak, dengan panas-panas berasap. only macam 2 keping pizza yang dipotong drpd 5 jenis piza yang ade je yang kami serve untuk hidangan para juri. laen semua, selamat dihadam dalam tupperware kami.

bersama Teacher Patvinder. one of a kind, indeed :D

budak laki gedik dibuli oleh Cikgu Baheyah.

gambar bebudak perempuan. eh jangan salahkan aku muka budak pompuan kurang dalam post nih. tujukan rase tak puas hati korg kat fizah dan nawa yang menjadi tukang tangkap gambar semasa aku sebok memotong, membuat dan membersihkan. kehkeh.

agak hot lah aku yang clearkan sampah sarap segala, ngn air ayam farabi bertakung merata-rata, yang laen ade yang lepak bersama camera, tape amalina ikhlas ikhlas. bila anda ikhlas, buat ape pon puas. berbalik kepada persoalan, gambar budak laki yg mereka byk tgkp dan gambar budak pompuan lak banyak blur atau vibrate. anyway, thanks korang menangkap gambar gune camera kite. gambar atas ni lak still bukan camera aku, tapi aku yg tangkap lah.

mosen muka kau geli lah bahahahaha.



dia ni kalau jadi spokeperson pizza kitorg sure pizza 3Cem1 sukses sekelip mata.

bebudak laki, kalau anda mencari gambar gay, ini jelah yang aku paparkan kat sini ye. sebab ngn NaWani bolehlah korang gedik suruh dorang letak album gay khas korang kat myspace segala, ngn aku kem salam.

dan jeng jeng jeng, inilah pizza yang berjaya mencuri perhatian dan mengambil hati para juri yang menjadikan kami tempat PERTAMA dalam pertandingan ini!

ade 4 jenis kot pizza atas pinggan, pizza kelima yang farabi masakkan ayamnya sangat best sehingga jadi selfish semua nak makan sendiri tanak kasi juri rase pun. bestlah buat pizza dgn klasmate, mcm kerjasama gila oh, yela nak compare dengan zaman form 1 and form 2, budak laki dan budak pompuan takleh dekat menganggap opposite gender masing masing semua mcm racun berbau loji yang patut dihindari.

tapi skang, kire bau tersebut dah berkuranganlah. hehe. asal lah nak habes KRK baru kita mcm ni?

Aku Blank Bling-bling

eh, i terharu lah tengok ade dua penumpang keretapi ni dok sebok suh post bergerabak banyaknya. tsk tsk tsk. rase dihargailah pulak :')

eh jangan perasan dowh dua orang tade bendalah mereka mungkin tade life bace blog aku yang hampeh ni, itulah sebabnya. TUTT, semua penumpang lari.

asal rase awkward blogging? asal typing slow macam parkinson? this never happens before. seriously, tulah natijahnya lama sgt tak blogging kot. sebenarnya kan, aku ade beberapa mental blog yang dah siap wo, cume tunggu nak zahirkan kat blog ini saja.

since a day before PMR, masa PMR dan habes PMR aku dah blog dalam pale otak ni, excited sangat bayangkan diri menaip. tapi bile sampai kat keyboard sebenar, the words are gone with the wind. kalau nak ikutkan, bergerabak je post-post baru yang anda nantikan.

pedulikan keperasanan diri ni ok?

maka, supaya aku takkan membazirkan masa dan tenaga berangan-angan blogging tanpa hasil sebenar, aku pun sediakanlah list bawah ni, the ones that i've blogged mentally and i WILL blog, definitely InsyaAllah.

1. Full Report on PMR
2. Activities After PMR
3. Options After PMR
4. PMR Books to Sell

sebab rase simpati dan kesian kat blog jugalah aku tak menolong mama buat tom yam di dapur, hesh korang nih. patut nya ini hari memasak, so takleh buat benda laen. tapi harap-harap mama tak start lagilah, kalau tak tak relevan sungguh ape aku nak jawab kat munkar nakir nanti bila ditanya kenapa tak menjadi anak yang mithali ketika hayat dikandung badan.

Rebonding with The Blog

sekarang ini terasa begitu malas blog, padahal sebelum PMR ade saje benda hendak dibebelkan. malah time menjawab PMR pun sempat lagi aku bayangkan diri tengah blog dengan penuh khusyuk. tataulah pasal ape tak mesra ngn blog after PMR nih.

agaknya sebab before PMR i was supposed to be 'studying' dalam bilik but what people did not know, i spent my days sleeping and blogging. bukannya diorg tahu, aku buat ape dalam bilik dan siap kate takmau diganggu pulak tu. kehkeh. sekarang ni pula kire boleh openla tunjuk kemalasan, maka aku pun bermalas malas semalas garfield dekat depan tv.

jadi tunggu yaaaaa.

cet geli gila cakap camni. semacam.

Moden Tapi Mundur Akalnya

persepsi bodoh manusia.
membutakan mata mereka semua.
tak pernah terlintas ape yang di luar dunia mereka.
bodoh, kuno, tinggallah dalam tempurung kayu berselut tu.
sampai bila pon kau tak maju.
cetek. dangkal.
bikin panasss aku.

masalahnya dalam kenaifan mereka tu,
aku yang disalah ertikan. bagus.
aku yang jadi sasaran. bagus.
dalam kebodohan mereka. aku yang terkena racunnya.
bagus.

bukak matalah!
tak nampak lagi ke?
spesis kita, bukan semua seperti yang engkau bentukkan dalam otak sempit tu!
kita semua pelbagai.
aku juga pelbagai.
tak nampak lagi ke?
bagus.

aku menjerit menyanyi meraung pun, pekak semua telinga. pekak.
aku nak cakap ape? ape aku cakap takde makne.
aku yang terperangkap. warna sebenar dikaburi warna tipikal penglihatan manusia.

bagus.
baguslah.

POST PASCA PMR

MERDEKA!!!

before this, it all seemed so far away.
and then it came without considering my say.
and now i can't believe i've left it yesterday.

serious ah. it didn't feel like it was PMR doe.

i kept on forgetting and thought to myself while i was searching in and out of my head for the correct answers, hey, i'll know the answers later. just do it. teachers will tell us. but then, woi, this is PMR la walaweh. no one gives a damn what the answers are. there's no another day to learn the mistake and avoid it for the big exam.

the big exam is done.

but it didn't feel like the big exam. it was just like any other exams i was scared to face. and that strange feeling scares me to hell.

anyway, now i have all the time in the world for me. and thinking that, i regret the fact that i didn't use all the time i had before PMR to have the best result in the world.

and the mentioned MERDEKA doesn't mean anything to me, except that now i have a lil bit more freedom than before. as i am really not the warrior who fought the battle hard. trust me. i feel like i'm one of the lazy cowards who hid on trees and waited for the war to end and after it did, i jumped on the ground declaring glory for nothing.

merdeka is merdeka indeed. mari kita enjoy!

PMR, finally

INI BUKAN DISITA.
INI DIHARAMKAN.

TOLONG SENYAP; KAWASAN LARANGAN.
PMR.
7-13 OKTOBER 2009.