Great Gatsby Grand Dinner ALUK10

24/6/2014 was the last day. in the morning we had the final paper. in the evening we had the grand dinner.

lepas habis last exam tu, lepas habis alevel tu, rasa macam... weh dah habis weh. dah free. tapi.... apa aku nak buat dengan hidup ini. apa nak buat dengan masa depan?! stop! jangan fikir pape. kita enjoyyy! 

sebenarnya dah stop fikir masa depan before start exam lagi hahaha. jangan fikir boleh buat ke tak, sempat ke tak. buat je apa boleh, redah je. kalau fikir boleh panic attack. so jangan fikir. tengah2 exam pun cuba tak fikir pasal result. buat je la apa yang boleh buat lagi. usaha, pasrah. kalau fikir boleh depress. so jangan fikir.

my life is a series of running away from reality. i should do a marathon. cos you know, i said series. the only marathon i do is finishing a tv series. and i said run, so like, marathon. ok you get the joke. (did you?)

orang panggil tangga ni tangga cinderella. depan exam hall kitorang, bawah class juniors. junior tengok je senior macam ni. kau tak paham dik apa kami lalui. korang program ktj berapa bulan je, apa tau jerit perih dua tahun alevel kat sini. tsk. terasa sangat dewasa ketika itu lulz.

finishing the final paper, completing alevel, all felt surreal. almost like a fairytale. but i hope a good happy ending awaits us in this one too. insyaallah, amin. now we wait for a fairy, we wait for a miracle. we've fought enough, bruised and wounded from the battle. so now, we wait like a damsel. a damsel in distress.

but first......

semua telah bertransformasi! now everyone's a princess!.... and the guys are dudes in suits!

Glasgow, 10SS1, Social Science, interview code LN0332 ;)

kuang hasam betul ommelayu. janji pukul 8, korang datang pukul 9?! tabiat janji melayu camni toksah bawak fly la ye. buat malu je. aku punyalah menepati masa, masuk dalam tu dok tunggu ternganga, sungguh patuh. tak sempat nak bebetul make up, aw. dah masuk tu tak terfikir pulak nak kuar touch up, aw.

ok i tell u wat la k. malam tu first time aku make up in public. sebelum ni main sorang2 je prektis hihiks. tak nampak sangat dalam gambar tapi tengok muka kat cermin rasa cam dah cukup. memula segan sebab tak biasa, tapi fikir bila lagi jika bukan masa ini?! so aku pun make up la sementara tutorial memember pakai shawl. sebelah tangan pegang blusher sebelah lagi lilitkan kepala orang lol. mungkin sebab aku bersiap dengan geng yang tak beriya, aku jadi segan sebab rasa paling over. sekali bila tengok orang lain, perghlamakkk.

ada yang make up macam pro gila. ada yang tak nampak berbedak pun sebelum ni malam tu vavavoom. ada yang konon kawen pun taknak make up kecuali depan suami tapi sekali hamboi3. ada yang natural beauty selama ni malam tu ya rabbi artificial beauty dia buat aku cair, ngan make up aku sekali cair hahaha. ok ama, lek. 

make up pun gambar end up kekuningan buat hape?!

aku berbedak je selama ni paling up pun letak eyeliner, kata nak make up masa kawen je sebenarnya bukan sebab poyo tapi sebab tak reti, natural beauty pun hmmm Allah dah ciptakan manusia sebaik-baik makhluk kan, jadi... loool. tapi mama saya suka jika anak dia tampil senonoh. tu untuk post lain, tapi kat post ni nak selit sikit dia lah pemangkin semangat untuk aku cuba sendiri buat pertama kali segalanya. takdela segala sangat, malam tu gua taruk bedak blusher eyeshadow eyeliner lipstick jer. tetiba tak rasa nak pakai mascara, sebab tu mata masih kecil dan tiada ilusi bundar hahaha. sebab itu juga lah kening bersepah sikit, sebab mascara boleh guna untuk rapikan dan highlight your eyebrow! #makeup101

warning: make up susah wehhh. memula aku nak putus asa dah. pastu mak aku kata benda yang aku salu kata..... "google lah." petunjuk. pebimbing. muka mak aku dengan aku tak sama. memang tau, tapi masa ni lagi la nampak muka aku muka bapak. kena perhati dengan teliti jenis mata, bentuk muka, segala. pape yang mama cakap dia buat masa muda, kalau aku buat sumpah jadi laughing stock. lain muka, lain caranya. rupanya make up ni tak semudah "sapu blusher di pipi, oles eyeshadow di mata." tidak ye. atau muka aku je yang tak mudah hm. make up is an art. which took me some attempts to master. tak master pun tapi takdela jadi clown yang mata lebam ditumbuk pipi merah ditampar malam tu ennn. kira senonohlah anak mama ni. 

"you must be proud of me, i'm all grown up, i finally wear make up and don't stumble in these not-so-high heels, i'm no longer a girl, i'm a lady, mama!" bisik hati bangga.

reaksi mak tengok gambar dinner: "make up malam kena tebal baru nampak."..... ok. terima kasih. akan cuba lagi pada masa hadapan... tah bila. boleh je nak buat seperti yang telah dicuba di rumah sendiri yang hasilnya terharu rasa "terer gak aku. kengkawan nak kawen upahlah, kita kira harga memember. ok cepatla kawen sesape nak duit ni pls." kualiti hanya dijamin kalau muka kita sebijik la sebab mata lain pipi lain aku tak google lak camne hahaha.

tetiba cakap pasal make up en, gegurl gilew.

yang penting semua look good okayyy malam tu, teruja/terharu.

selaku class rep, ijad susunkan sape duduk dengan sape

pastu ijad pi main band lak kat depan

ijad aku bangga dengan kau. dia masa baru masuk intec, penyegannyaaa. kitorang salu kacau dia sebab best kacau orang segan saje gelak tengok respon dia. aku pun memang suka kacau laki pemalu dari dulu kahkah. sebab lain untuk kacau ijad: 1. hafiz in the making mengaji... ya rabbi. menyanyi pun... ya tuhan. 2. ada bakal isteri dah, alhamdulillah brother! cepat-cepatla kawen, eh tapi ijad taknak kawen muda, ok cepat-cepatlah habiskan 30 juzuk hehe.

amrizad yang dahulunya penyegan di awal kehidupan intec, di pertengahan perjalanan ketika dipaksa menyanyi di kelas punyalah payah tapi sekali buka mulut semua terpana, tapi di penutup dua tahun ini, beliau naik ke pentas dan menyanyi di hadapan semua. such change, much confidence, so wow :')

nani and me, nani is my roommate and yes, classmate

first day masuk intec, sesi ice breaking sambil kemas bilik, kitorang bersyukur kitorang banyak persamaan. dalam hal lain berbeza, tapi dari segi family, sama. aku dengan dia sama cara, sama pemikiran, sama perasaan, sama manja haha (walaupun nani lagi manja kot hik hik). tapi lepas tu, kitorang tak berkongsi sangat pasal persamaan kitorang ni.... sampaila hari-hari terakhir kami bersama. kadang-kadang banyak persamaan pun susah jugak kan sebab kita nak benda sama, tapi kat situla belajar tolak ansur. semester akhir, baru semakin menghargai dorang semua sebab semakin banyak spend time together :') when i was still in intec, towards the end, i felt that i already missed my housemates. they were the first people i missed, like the house was the first place i missed. i wish i had a picture with yana that night. i wish dayah was there at the dinner and we all could take a picture together :(

asma and sayra :)

lily and ana :)

lily and ama :)

insyaallah... to the same place we'll go, with ummul. insyaallah.

this is ummul...... need a new post for this to say everything, or the things that are okay to say.

or just nothing because we ourselves know everything and everything that it means to me :')

ceka, lily, izzy, ama, ana, anis :)

sedih je dua2 selfie blur haha. ama and asma, boleh jadi tongue twister.

unexpected friendship to that unintended depth at the last minute in those last unfortunate days, despite all the unreasonable obstacles, we are friends. for that and more, i thank you :')

ama and aina :)

annnddd.....

amalina and amrizad. hahaha. inilah ijad! ijad apahal kau kurus sangat hah?! makin melebar aku di sebelah ijad yang turun 20 kg dalam masa 2 tahun. hm. 20 ke 12. tunjuk ajarku sifu (dia dah tunjuk ajar tapi tak berjaya sebab pemalaih haih)

selamat kot letak gambar ni kat sini. ke ada sesapa nak screen shot tolong report? aku tak faham class aku. classmate pompuan lain main2 pasal ijad, it's a joke. nak kawen bila ijad mengaji nak pengsan bila ijad menyanyi la apa la haha. it's all for a good laugh. tapi bila aku main2 pasal ijad, it's a thing! korang ingat aku takleh main2 ke hah?! dasar tak kenal ama sebenar. lol. 

?????????????????????????????????????

ni dari whatsapp class oke. gambar atas farewell french lecturer party sem 2, masa aku baru kawan ngan ijad dan mula sembang pasal hidup. tetiba kecoh, padahal kitorang tengah cerita pasal kisah cinta dia! gambar bawah farewell friends and lecturers party sem 4, masa ni tengah nyanyi sandiwara cinta lol. ijad kena paksa perform, cam biasa, tapi segan, cam biasa. kitorang ulang je lagu tu sebab aku suruh sebab aku suka padahal dia nak lagu lain haha. akhirnya perform gak sandiwara cinta, satu kelas siap sing a long. we sang a long to Sempurna and Kenangan Terindah too, it was nice. i liked that moment during the practice session. it started only the two of us quietly singing sandiwara cinta, then some people talking in a group heard it, and started singing with us too, but it was really slow and low :)

ijad ajar main gitar. takpela sifu tak sempat nak belajar satu jam. tapi best!

amalina and amrizad jadi bahan ejek sejak kitorang dua jadi ketua kelas alis kot. dah lah quran sama kaler maroon. dah lah am am. dah lah point exam asyik sama hahah. nasib baik jap je the thing, kalau tak awkward gak aku nak baik ngan dia sesikit kena. oh ye. aku pernah blog pasal ijad, dekat satu post tak bernama. haha ce teka ce teka.

ok bukan wedding photo booth, lek lek semua lek

me and zuhad hehe. we don't always talk but when we do, it ends up as girl talk :3 malam semalam tu dengan dia la dari hal exam sebab taknak stress, terus cakap pasal luvh lyfe kononnya. bajet je. takpe zuhad tak perlu lah set up kita dengan sesiapa. haha baru teringat, she once asked me to be her kakak ipar, comel je juad. siang tu balik lepas exam, dok sebelah dia dalam bas. we shared girly secrets. since it's "ala last day so what the heck" and all the now and never what do you have to lose kinda spirit, we revealed who our crushes were ;)

speaking of which, this picture is the death of me. i dead.

teruskan hidup, sebab hidup ini penuh barakah, kan shasha? rapat lagi, nak amek berkat sikit. eh. hew hew

(she's my girl crush in the class!!! her gang even put a restraining order against me)

sayra and i! :) love love. we share some pretty little secrets, plans of joint venture for future business based on respective interests and a liking for a certain activity, um, let's just call it a hobby hehe

me and madi!!! ok ni bukan classmate. madi architecture. tapi ni schoolmate sekolah rendah! geng menari sway masa last dinner sklk :') six years later, saw her at the interview and ended up together here :) finally, photos with madi. dari awal masuk jumpa je salu "kita kena tangkap gambar sama!", "bila nak selfieee?", "nanti habis alevel amek gambar tau!" pernah selfie sekali dalam bas, bergambar sama sekali masa ni hehe. comel je madi.

self....reflect diri

ama and nureen! thanks for everything, i appreciate it :)

ama and wani! sorry for everything, i regret it. LOOOL. hang baca tak kalini. laih taim aku belog pasai hang tak bernama walaupun tak patut la kan tapi sebab itu yang aku rasa aku nak hang baca sendiri, bukan dengaq dari sapa-sapa or dengaq dari mulut aku cos lbr masa tu kita mana bukak mulut hahaha. tapi benda dah jadi nak buat lagu mana, maap la sapa suruh tak baca belog aku muahaha. ni la bila dua orang nampak cam cold-hearted bic padahal soft-hearted babies buat drama. nanti2 ah cita pasai hang. sayang hang bai 

anis and ama :)

this is ika. bukan classmate. ni legend ni, takkan taktau. dialah admin group INTEC 2012/2014 yang menyatukan kami semua sebelum masuk intec lagi! berterima kasih pada ika cepat :')

sebulan sebelum jejak kaki kat situ kitorang dah orientasi melalui teknologi dah. those were the good old times, when everybody was excited to start this journey and now.... we've ended it. awww. everybody had too much time on their hand and nobody else to talk to because all our friends had continued their studies, so we were left alone at home with each other to mingle virtually with. 

masa tu aku bising dalam group tu, bersembang tah dengan sape-sape yang masuk intec tak kenal pun habis intec tak ingat pun. tapi ada yang kenal, ada yang ingat, ada yang kawan sampai sekarang :)

ada yang tengah sama sembang sekarang as i am typing this, haha.

some of them, i do hope to befriend beyond the facebook group and beyond the college compound.

to the infinity, and beyond! k.

oh and i received a chocolate dedication. i was chilling at my table when a junior handling the event came to our table asking for amalina. cuak jap.... then i was handed a chocolate. took me a second to read what's written on the chocolate and realize oh... ada orang kasi coklat. em, thanks. donno who you are, i had three guesses but it's all wrong and wani said she didn't give it, haha. i'm out of guesses but i guess it must have been a friend then. tak makan lagi coklat tu. tapi tenkiu hehe.

the night after dinner night. the glamz fades away, kids.

"hidup di dunia ini tidaklah melainkan main-main dan senda gurau. akhirat itu lebih baik bagi orang yang bertaqwa."

(tetiba. ramadhan, ramadhan.)

Red For Ma

thursday was my mom's birthday.

my birthday wish for my mom was a looong one. what i typed was what i sent, no edit or censorship whatsoever. it was honest, real, and... raw? i typed until i had nothing left to say. the sms ended up to be an mms instead and it took a while to be sent.

i almost cried writing it, lulz. the next morning after subuh i called my mom, i told her i would. i asked her if she cried, to which she replied, after a moment of hesitance "mmm sikit". i made my mom cry! that's a new level unlocked! and this time, for a good reason! hahaha. k. i told her she wouldn't be crying "a bit" if she were to read what i wrote about her on my blog :)

so on thursday i went out with my bro. before i bought something for my mom, i bought something(s) for me first. hehehe. i went to cala qisya. hehehe.

my friends call me duta cala qisya. probably because i was the first one among us to wear maggie shawl. and i don't think at that time i saw anyone else wearing cala qisya at intec... might have missed it. cala qisya is a very well known brand, people are gonna buy the products anyway, but after i started wearing it girls have been asking me things like "shawl ama cantik-cantik. mana beli?" now a couple of my friends have started being cala queens and i'd like to think thanks to me! lol. i swear girls look at me longer than they should, especially in the ladies. contemplating whether to ask me or not. huehue perasan. just a couple of days ago a stranger asked me where did i buy my shawl. so i explained that she could buy it online or go to the store and where the store is and how much it costs...

i should get paid. totally should. i should be the duta. or the model. and get free stuffs. yeah.

if you look closely i was wearing four slightly different styles. and i just figured out a whole different style :3

the last picture on the right is the shawl i just bought, along with other unworn two colours :3

and if you look closely i am just the type of human being with eye bags as part of me.

so don't look closely.

ok what was this post even about.


the next day, i went back home! but i went to jj first, to buy some other thing for my mom. then i went to secret recipe to buy red velvet for her. usually i bought her other cakes, this red velvet replaced another cake at the last minute. i have my own cute reason for it, hehe. my back seriously ached as i was backpacking the whole day. despite already having lunch i ordered a slice of cake for me, just to have a reason to rest at the restaurant.

i think this is the first time i bought a card and presents for my mom on my own. before this if i ever wrote on birthday cards, it's the ones bought by my bros. my family isn't really much for giving gifts and celebrating birthdays after babah's gone, so that explains a lot why i'm not good with gifts and birthdays. it still happens but it's not a big thing anymore. not that my mom minds, she's got everything she could possibly get in the past, and she's just not that type who cares. but i care for her regardless. even though i myself stopped receiving gifts from family years ago, and i never mind not getting any. my bros being bros and i haramized my mom from giving me anything. i already have a lot to be thankful for :)

but i always wish i knew better how to handle these situations. i didn't know what to buy for her, but i do know her favourite colour. so i bought everything red! red cake, red things. hehe, i tried. i once bought my mom a pen, from kedai buku sekolah rendah, and was reluctant to give it to her. kesian. could you cry. i bought my mom a pen from school. let it be known that at that time i wasn't close to her, so i felt awkward handing her an awkward gift. i felt even more awkward wishing her. so i just handed it to her and left. after i started becoming close to her, i wanted to give her everything in the world and the universe but i didn't have the means. but now, now i can go wherever i want on my own and buy whatever i want for her :)

and i make it a point not to just do that on special days. i do that on any day i can.

like i posted on fb,

tolong jangan berkira dengan mak bapak kita. masa, duit, tenaga. ni bukan pasal tak terkira duit dan tenaga dorang yang dorang dah korbankan untuk kita. ni pasal masa kita dengan mak bapak kita yang kita taktau sampai bila kita boleh kira. 

it's not about what they've done for us, it's about what we can do for them 

no matter how much more capable your parents are doing things for you than you them. this applies to everyone, regardless of your parents' capability. if you can't lessen their burden, don't be their burden. no matter how light you are as a burden. in other words, don't be a brat.

get it? okay good.

when i went home, tadaaa!

my mom said thanks. even after she looked at the presents, even after she read the card.

"tu je reaction ma?" and i laughed.

if i were her i would have said a lot more, but that's only me.

i know my mom and i love her just the way she is :)

Kak Nurlin's Wedding and The Secret Since 2011

TIBALAH MASA UNTUK BERITAHU DUNIA APA AKU DAH TAHU SEJAK SEKIAN LAMA.

jeng jeng jenggggg

sebelum tu kita bukak mukadimah dulu. blog gossip pun ada mukadimah, jangan over sangat ye ama.

bismillah (cey dan dan).

tadi aku pergi wedding pertama aku! bukan bermaksud aku kahwin kali pertama, tak ok tak. maksudnya wedding pertama yang aku dijemput untuk perginya (read: the first wedding i was invited to). lol bm apakah itu. sebelum ni kalau pergi mesti mak tetamu utamanya. ".... dan keluarga." tu pun kalau pergi la, haha. tapi kalini aku yang diundang! haruslah datang!

wedding tersebut ialah wedding kak nurlin :")

OK NAK BAGITAU SEKARANG KE NANTI. NANTI LAH. TUNGGUUU. STAY TUNEEED.

dua minggu sebelum trial a-level, aku dapat satu notification di fb. bukak noti tu. OMG OMG OMG!!!

JEMPUTAN KE MAJLIS WALIMATULURUS KAK NURLIN DAN SUAMI!

i swear i screamed or something in front of the laptop screen.

terus tekan maybe. baru cek tarikh. alamak. lepas trial ke masa trial ke sebelum trial? cek ngan kelasmet. bebetul lepas trial! alhamdulillah! terus tekan going hahaha. serius aku excited gila.

taktau kenapa reaksi aku sedemikian rupa waktu tu. mungkin sebab excited senior nak kawen? mungkin sebab first wedding invitation aku dapat even via fb tapi nanti kak nurlin hantar kad? mungkin sebab cita-cita untuk pergi wedding sesiapa sebelum fly tercapai? mungkin sebab aku memang suka konsep seprais orang takde cakap apa tetiba je bagitau nak kawen segala? mungkin sebab aku dah lumrahnya dikenali sebagai cepat terharu, teruja aka over? atau mungkin...... sebab aku dah tau? because i knew? muehehehe stay tuneeed. tungguuu.

lepas comment kat sini, baru kak nurlin pm cakap dia suruh aku ajak perempuan. punyalah semangat aku mengajak mereka yang dimaksudkan. lagipun orang dah jemput kan? aku pulak memang plan nak buat reunion terus nanti kat majlis tu hahaha. tapi ramai yang busy atau kat luar negeri, ada jugak yang segan la sebab kak nurlin tak kenal dia la apa la.

last-last muka ni jugak je yang ada

muka ni.

terima kasih muka ni kerana datang dari upm menemaniku menjadi wakil dan mungkin... mencari inspirasi?

gambar sebelum ke majlis. dah sampai dah destinasi. tapi tak sampai ke majlis lagi. sebab segan nak mati. ya Allah sumpah. kalau cerita kat sini apa kitorang lalui lagi segan haha so baik takyah cerita. kita skip terus ke bahagian di mana kitorang sampai ke majlis ye.

part tu pun still segan sebenarnya. sebab tak sampai lagi sebenarnya. kitorang jalan kat atas daripada belakang dah nampak kak nurlin dan suami (aww!) duduk kat meja makan beradab. FANGIRLING! lepastu jalan je kat tepi dari jauh memerhati dan..... kak nurlin boleh pulak nampak kitorang. dahlah time tu aku tengah nak tangkap gambar dia. bayangkan tangkap gambar dari atas dari jauh. agak creepy. bapak paparazzi. pastu kitorang gelak janggal ok lek lek buat cool buat selamber jom pegi je fuh fuh. nervous macam aku pulak yang nak pegi akad nikah.

ye lah mana tak nervous! kitorang dua orang je kot! tak kenal sesiapa! segan dengan geng senior!

kitorang turun bawah, masuk bawah khemah, lambai2 kak nurlin dari jauh lol. pastu kak liyana izyan datang, kata kak nurlin suruh kitorang makan dulu. "kak nurlin cakap kesian korang segan." k.

masa makan, rombongan cikgu2 pun tiba! rombongan pertama dok kat meja kitorang. rombongan kedua yang datang kemudian dok meja lain. puan norliah duduk sebelah saya hihi. kami pun bersembang dan... bergambar.

"cikgu, jom tangkap gambar."

"ok. wassap cikgu tau"

sepanjang makan, usha je kak nurlin dan suami dari jauh. nak tangkap gambar ngan dorang tapi segan tsk. nak poyo kat blackboard tu ngan props tapi pemalu tsk. last-last menyelit masuk rombongan cikgu-cikgu tangkap gambar hahahah. pastu barulah ada peluang untuk tangkap gambar berempat je.

WEHOOO! 

after the photo was taken, me and hajer while looking at it

haz: why are we so..... midget

me: how are we ever gonna get married like this

tekanan perasaan jap.

kalau boleh nak duduk lama lagi, pekena cendol second round kaa. tapi taktau nak lepak mana, sebab majlis ni buat dalam masjid. best kan? senang je. bak kata haz, "simple yet perfect wedding." tapi insyaallah saya boleh tunggu lagi dan dengan penantian ini ada tempat lain yang diidamkan hihi. i get it. once you really want marriage, you don't care about anything else, as long as you're married. sekarang ni bolehlah dream wedding bagai, but when you come to that point, the only dream you'll have is just to get married and nothing else matters. cey.

sebab taktau nak dok mana and buat apa dahlah berdua je, kami pun mintak diri dulu. kak nurlin tanya eh nak balik dah? ye kak sorry sobs. bila dah sampai rumah baru terfikir. dah apa masalah tak duduk je dalam masjid tadi? ambikla wuduk solat ke apa lepakla sampai petang boleh jumpa tetamu lain boleh tengok kak nurlin potong kek boleh tangkap gambar pengantin! masjid tempat paling convenient kot!!! tsk.

sebelum balik, kita sambung sesi bergambar... berdua.

tumpang lalu

 

self-explanatory.

dah lama aku tak menggedik camni. malu. bila jumpa hazirah je jadi camni balik. hahaha.

it means you bring out the real me! even the best of me! awww

dah tu je bye.

ok kidding.

kita telah sampai ke kemuncak post ini!!!

ke korang dah blah. penangan selfie tadi takde sape sanggup tunggu lagi.

ok cerita dia camni. 

ini apa yang aku blog dalam satu post aku tahun 2013 dulu.

"sama la macam sorang lagi senior aku ni. aku kan stalker. tapi aku stalk dia dulu untuk tau perkembangan hidup dia, jadi motivasi study. tetiba terjumpa sesuatu. dia tak hebah benda ni, tapi kengkawan dia memang dah heboh lah. dia dah jumpa bakal suami rupanya. aku panggil bakal suami sebab term pakwe tu tak kena, akak ni baik-baik alim-alim sikit. kang kalau aku cakap pakwe kang mulala korang stereotype macam dak-dak bercinta zaman sekarang. kalau cakap pasal kawan aku pun (pandang... eh) aku sebut bakal suami sebab aku tak suka orang salah faham kawan aku. aku tau dia camne. 

berbalik kpd akak tu, insyaallah ada jodoh. sesuai serba serbi aku tengok. laki tu pun aku dah stalk. eh. memula agak terkejut, sebab orang ingat dia robot jugak kot. tapi aku memahami dia, jadi aku tau dia manusia yang juga punya rasa ceyyy. masa aku chat ngan dia aku cakapla aku tau pasal ni. dia tak deny pun, gegelak lagi. sah ni sah. comel tengok dorang bersweet-sweetan dalam keselamberan sebagai kawan, esp bila orang ejek dorang. paling comel dorang guna kau/aku. OMAGAD COMELNESS OVERLOAD! itulah benda yang aku mahu sejak dulu, tahu? aku nak bakal laki bukan nak teman laki eww. cakap kau/aku. kawan cam biasa, lek lek je. padahal dalam hati. padahal brader tu memang nak kawen ngan akak ni. awww!

ok ama cukup ni blog kau ke blog gossip ni."

seprais, seprais!!! akak tu ialah kak nurlin! *mercun meletup bunga api boom boom paw di langit*

aku akan cerita apa yang aku rasa takpe untuk cerita kat sini. lagipun blog ni sape je lagi baca. kak nurlin pun tak baca dah. kengkawan dia pun tak baca dah. kengkawan aku pun tak baca dah. dulu zaman sekolah bukan main semua saling blogwalking, comment sini comment sana dengan senior sekali, comel je. sekarang semua dah busy. aku pun dah tak baca blog orang, apetah lagi dorang. so takpe kot... heheh.

alkisahnya, 2011. satu hari menjelang spm. aku sedar yang aku patut study tapi tak cukup sedar diri lagi. hidup sungguh lek masa banyak dibazirkan depan komputer. jadi alang-alang dah online, aku bukak fb kak nurlin. sebab masa tu kak nurlin dah dapat straight A, tengah buat A-level, tinggal nak fly je. untuk jadi semangat aku stalk dia. walaupun dia dua kali lima aku je sebenarnya: suka tidur, selalu tidur, geng tidur lah senang kata. tapi takpe, asalkan dia dah berjaya.

stalk untuk cari motivasi study, tapi motivasi lain pulak yang aku jumpa. hahaha. sejak tu aku dah tau apa yang orang boleh tau dari segala apa yang ada kat internet untuk diketahui. ok sorry kak dan suami. tak sengaja terbukak tetiba dah tau banyak pulak lol. skill stalking aku boleh buat aku tau macam2. bukan pasal benda yang aku memang nak cari je, tapi benda yang aku tak sengaja jumpa pun aku boleh gali dalam2.

you think you can hide something from me? think again. but don't worry, normally i only stalk people if i have strong reasons. takdelah tetiba nak ceroboh privacy orang sesaje. only if it involves me and it's important to me. kengkawan aku sendiri pun aku tak stalk, unless somehow God wants to show it to me and let me find something without even looking for it. kengkawan lagi la aku tak stalk, because to me if they want to tell me something, they will. beyond that, it's personal. takyah la nak stalk2 sebab nak tau hidup kawan sendiri. please have a shred of respect. btw, stalk in this sense is searching for something, not reading a public blog or scrolling down a public profile. ok end of it.

sekali lagi sorry kak nurlin dan suami. hehe. tapi aku tak bagitau sesiapa. in fact, aku ada cakap kat kak nurlin aku tau pasal ni. dia suruh doakan dorang. manelah tak terharu teruja bila tau dorang nak nikah akhirnya! i knew it! i knew it's her jodoh! but i kept it to myself!

ok aku mungkin ada terbagitau hazirah. hahaha. tapi sumpah tak bagitau sesape dah, sampailah tau dia nak nikah baru aku bagitau kengkawan lain pasal ni. haz and i almost don't have boundaries sooo.

BEAUTIFUL

(kak syaza i assume you don't mind me stealing this picture? haha sorry but i really love it! you always know how to capture the moments. wish i was there so i could see it myself and meet you for the first time! cepatla kawen so kita boleh jumpa!!!)

memang sangat best tengok dorang dulu :) almost perfect love story, to me. she kinds of get what i want, you know? how casual they were. but at the same time not dismissing any feeling. still showed appreciation, although not affection. not being in denial or not not admitting it. how their friends and family make fun of them all the time it's actually funny, but they're cool about it. sweet senyap-senyap. upload and post things meaningless to others but meaningful to each other. let those who knew, know. the only ones who knew i guess were kak nurlin's family and her bro-in-law-to-be, one of her close friends from school, and her friends from her prep college. 

they met at prep college while doing a-level btw. kind of like 'the plan' at this level. meet now, marry five years later, pour exemple. because i can't imagine myself marrying someone i don't really know and someone i don't know long enough. but oh well. i don't like to plan or to make the plan happen. i'd rather let it be the plan, without planning it. if the plan hasn't started now, it's okay. at least i'm not bounded to anything or anybody and i can explore whatever or whoever i want. it's okay. long way to go, lot of people to meet. if it has, then all the better! hahahah kbai.

the best part of the almost perfect love story? the surprise wedding. ramai yang terkejut gila even geng kak nurlin masa sekolah dulu. kind of like what i wish mine will be. tetiba je bagitau nak kawen. or better yet, tetiba je dah kawen. hazirah kata tak best la camtu. "eh bestlah!....... what's with me and secret life though." seriously. aku kalau boleh nak fly pun diam2. tetiba je upload selfie kat sana. kalau boleh nak nikah pun diam2. tetiba je upload selfie bersama. aww hahaha. serious best. tu cara aku berkomunikasi dengan dunia kot, upload selfie. LOL. but no la. in all seriousness, aku jenis tak suka kecoh2 kecah2. tak suka beday pun nak bising, fly pun nak reramai, lambat lagi nak kawen pun dah tayang satu dunia. i keep it low, yo.

dulu, kak nurlin ada blog pasal something. something berkenaan perasaan. yang dia pun ada perasaan jugak. yang dia jadi sedih bila orang tanya dia soalan2 berkaitan tu. dia pun teringin jugak. tersentuh lak. ok jangan pelik k kenapa aku ingat bebenda ni. tetiba je teringat. ini dalam psychology namanya flashbulb memory. something you retain and recall due to the emotions or its significance. dahla kak nurlin bukan salu blog pasal personal life dia pun. selalu family, friends, study. semua aku suka baca, especially pasal family. to me her family seems like the perfect family with each of them having their own identity. seronok baca. sekali kuar post perasaan camtu. takpe kak, now you've got all the answers :)

awal tahun ni masa beday kak nurlin, ternampak ada orang wish something like "may your preparation for your big day go smoothly." big day?! preparation?! taktau apa yang berlaku, aku wish je kak nurlin with a tiny hint of double meaning hehehe. sebelum tu ada nampak kak nurlin share satu quote ni yang aku pernah share... kak nurlin jarang berfb. jadi mungkin quote ni ada makna tersendiri. let me put it this way... quote tu buat aku tak expect yang this love story will end in marriage. but it did! alhamdulillah :)

mungkin sebab makna quote tu pada aku lain, tapi lain pada kak nurlin. sobs lulz.

tabs: MH370-related and online shopping stores. priorities.

honestly, this was what kept me going through trial. because i had something to look forward to. i was so pumped up thinking just do it, get it over with, then you can go home and go to the wedding! probably this is the reason why i didn't die hahah.

actually, sebelum fly - insyaallah - dalam wishlist aku, aku nak pergi wedding sesiapa kawan aku. sebab aku tau, bila aku fly nanti tah-tah ada yang kawen masa aku kat sana. menganga dari jauh la jawabnya. kalau ada yang kahwin sebelum aku fly, dapatla merasa nasi minyak member. at least tunang la. dapatla berkongsi detik bahagia. ceh. serius teringin sangat. but... at this age and at this rate, haha, i don't think any of my friends will get married soon. but out of the blue, kak nurlin got married and i got to go to the wedding. jadi lah kan? dapat merasa :)

so who's next? :3

The Last Love & Misadventure Adventure, MEETING LANG LEAV HERSELF

OK WHAT EVEN AM I WHAT EVEN IS KERETAPI i even procrastinate doing what i like i even procrastinate blogging about things i like like this one time when i freakiNG MET LANG LEAV

that's like, one month and 10 days ago. what. i can't even. whatever. ok i'm blogging about it now.

although, i must say, even though i have a lot of things to blog, i have another way to let it out, which is by talking to someone. when i talk to that person, as in type, it's like blogging in itself. we don't chat, we converse. long paragraphs you wouldn't wanna read em. it also happens that the things i'm thinking to put up here are the same things which are brought up in our conversations. coincidental conversations. so what i've been keeping in my mind flows out when it happens, which is often. that's why i can get by without blogging these days. but that doesn't mean i'm abandoning my blog. don crey ketapi pls don. i typ u ok.

so, that day. before i talk about that day, let me tell you about the day before that day. in fact, days. those were not some good days. i was upset about some things. the fact that everyone had left for home because exam just ended didn't help either. it's not that i felt alone. it just made me want to go home as well, but i couldn't, for reasons stated in a previous post. but in a way it did help me because at least i didn't have to pretend nothing's wrong, go outside the house and sit at my favourite spot to let my heart out. i did that just inside my own room, and in that moment i actually felt at home. 

i was not okay with everything and everyone but i wanted to go meet Lang anyway but i didn't have a plan so i wasn't really sure of going because i didn't feel like going with everything else i was feeling. but i knew i had to go. i would really regret it and blame myself if i didn't, just for the reason that i wasn't in the mood. 

so the next day i woke up. i looked at the hour. i looked around my room. and i realized i really needed to get the hell out of here. so i did. i knew i wouldn't want to return after i had accomplished my mission. so in my handbag i packed my er... one or two necessities. but that's basically it. i left. my steps felt light, as did my heart. i really had no idea what i would do and where else i would go, but that's the best part. after all, i was on my way to Love & Misadventure, wasn't i? better live up to the name!

to Kinokuniya, KLCC i went.

but that's not just it. when i arrived at the ktm station, i just bought my ticket and the train was coming. i ran passed people and squeezed in between the crowd, but then i saw them. two intec dudes. oh my god. dah kenapa korang tak balik kampung lagi?! what's awkward about meeting people you know is when you don't actually know them. you know each other's name, might have exchanged a couple of words on the internet and made eye contact in real life, but you don't know them to the point of "hey! kau buat pe kat sini? nak gi mana?" that's why i hoped they didn't see me when i was all alone. i hid behind people. when the train arrived i got into the lady zone, feeling relieved. i hoped we're not going to the same place.

i arrived at kl sentral, and just when i was about to buy lrt token, i saw those dudes again. oh my god. i hid behind a pillar. i sneaked a peak. dang, they're still in the line. i wasn't gonna waste my time hiding from them, i had someone to meet at 2 pm! and i had to have lunch at burger king first too! so i got in a line far enough from them, facing the other way. 

in the lrt, i guessed maybe they were going to some place else. there are many places young people would go, right? i should worry no more.

so i arrived! i walked like a woman with a purpose, a lady led by a cause, and.... a fangirl on a mission.

i went straight to kino. i arrived about an hour early. i asked the service counter where's Love & Misadventure, and she pointed it right next to her. there!!! i grabbed one copy with a big grin and asked her again, isn't there a booksigni- she answered straightaway, it's upstairs and i could go now. so i did. but there was already a line! i got in the line quickly. i had to queue for an hour eh? so be it!

but then... of course. a test in the mission. adam, my classmate since i was in third grade up to senior year in high school, the one who was my 'husband' for our school magazine class photoshoot, he suddenly asked me if i was at klcc. when he knew that i was there for the book signing, he asked me to get another copy for his sister and he would come to get it from me. woa wat r u serius? i was in the line! people were lining up behind me! someone idk, a chinese lady who worked at the bookstore or for the publisher or as the event planner idk she looked busy and in charge and moving around, she walked passed me and i asked her "excuse me are there other copies up here or do i have to go down or-" she answered "uh oh yes over there, em don't worry i stand in for you" then she stepped in, taking my place in the line omg so nice ok thanks i went over there and uuuu there's a whole rack of Love & Misadventure!!! nobody had to worry about it being sold out anytime soon! i thanked her a million times. people just smiled lol.

then after a while the line became this. multiple lines.

i guess everything does happen for a reason. it just takes a while for us to know what the reason is. in this case, the reason was this: to get her signature, you must present your proof of payment first. had i bought it earlier, or someone else bought it for me or give it to me, or the stock lasted the first time i went on my Love & Misadventure journey, i'm sure i would have lost the resit. hence no signature. no Lang to meet. no picture. that's also what bugged me that day. i came alone. who's gonna take my picture for me? could i take a selfie with lang, no? i sad.

i look at those fans who came with their friends, or their boyfriends. usually their friends were fans as well, and their boyfriends were only there to accompany them and capture the moment. one chinese couple in front of me, the girlfriend told her boyfriend how and when to take the pictures. then another chinese couple heard them, they started to have a chat and the boyfriend of the latter couple said to that of the former "just keep clicking, you can't go wrong if you keep taking pictures." i couldn't help but laughed. that's so true. good for you girl to have such a boyfriend who knows the business, haha. then they kept chatting about lang and her poetry. meanwhile, i was looking for anyone who seemed approachable so i could ask their favour, to take my picture. eh mestiii. 

so i asked a chinese lady beside me hehe. notice i purposely matched my attire with the book cover?

talking about being a true fan!

it was such an experience going to a book signing. it was my first time :) to be in a place, standing and queuing and waiting with all these fans, it felt good. i felt like i was a part of something. you know what you love has maaaaaaany fans all around the world, and you certainly are not alone, and you certainly can share your love with them on the internet, but you don't really feel it until you really be there together in the real world. like the time when i went to watch the last harry potter movie on the local premier day, i was alone but i didn't feel alone because the whole cinema was true fans on their own scale for having booked and bought the earliest tickets, cried and clapped together when the movie ended, and when the credit rolled a group waved their phones like wands and yelled "MISCHIEF MANAGED!", something so sentimental and sad to us.

that was kind of what it was like at the book signing. everyone was so excited, they talked to each other. some of them came together, some did not, but they talked anyway. around me were people with companies so i couldn't really chat my excitement away. i heard people talking about uploading their picture on tumblr and lang would reblog them. i heard people talking about how they were so nervous to meet her. people saying where is she, asking is she here? i even saw someone from the internet world! 

i knew that was her but she was with her friends and we're separated by people so i couldn't go to her. i forget how we met, well virtually, but i guess it started from blogging world. or was it tumblr first? i don't remember. one way or another, led to the other. but i was the one who reached out to her because i saw how much of a potterhead she was, and i don't normally reach out to strangers alright. we once commented on blog posts, chatted on tumblr, tweeted (yes i had twitter once upon a time) but then we both got busy. i got into college, she's in her final year in medic school. this year, lang posted about something on facebook. i left a comment, telling her to come to malaysia, and then i saw this akak's comment about the same thing. i sent her a private message telling her who i was, since i go by different names on blog and tumblr. she remembered me! she told me she tried searching for me on facebook using my blog email but couldn't find me. that's because i use different emails for facebook, blog, tumblr, and formal contact, *wink hehe. i met her on the internet because of harry potter (she's as much a fan as i am, and i don't say that a lot alright), and then i met her in the real world because of lang leav (well almost, after i had my book signed i searched for her but she was no longer there tsk.) it's amazing how literature can bring people together, eh?

after a while, lang leav's finally here!!! i was at the back of the crowd, the last person in my line, i didn't see her coming. suddenly she was there!! and i heard her voice! we were told to sit but being at the back had its privileges. i just stood and had the best view hehe. i snapped the pictures away and even recorded her reading her poems :)

the short poetry recital session was followed by question and answer session, and the book signing session started right after that. everybody got up and was pumped up, camera at the ready. andddd only then adam came. heh. i'm short and he's tall so it was kinda hard to locate each other. when we saw each other he told me he just wanted to stand outside the line. as my turn was approaching he came closer because i asked him to take my picture, haha. kira kosong-kosong la aku tolong kau kau tolong aku tol tak. but when it was my turn, the chinese lady who stood in for me while i went to take another copy for adam's sister was there and she acted like the important person she was so she ended up being the one taking my picture. adam just stood beside her laughing at how excited i was -..-

i wasn't that excited. seriously. the first thing i said when i came to her, with a calm, cool, collected manner, was "OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" AND THEN I JUST SMILED THE WHOLE TIME WHILE TALKING TO HER SHE'S SO NICE AND I ACTUALLY SPENT TIME WITH HER LONGER THAN OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE SHE LIKED TALKING TO ME.

..... ok it's because i had to ask her to sign two copies and she asked me things and i told her things and then she got confused so the chinese lady explained to her and also because we were given a paper earlier and i thought i was supposed to write what i wanted to write about the book or her but actually i was supposed to write what i wanted her to write for me. for example, i should have written something like "I LOVE YOU AMA YOU'RE THE BEST FAN, lang leav" but instead i wrote something like "I LOVE YOU LANG YOU'RE THE BEST ARTIST, ama" but of course what i wrote was sweeter, some lines which rhyme hehe. so when she saw the paper, she was confused again, and i had to explain then she thanked me for what i wrote and i asked her to keep the paper and just write anything in the book. then the chinese lady had to shout so everyone could hear her when she told them, again, the purpose of the paper, BUT WITH CLEARER INSTRUCTION. so that's how i got embarrassed in front of my beloved poet and all them people. which i wasn't! BECAUSE I SPENT TIME WITH HER LONGER THAN ANY OF YOU! HAH! i screamed inside as i left with a smile on my face. adam was still laughing -..-

SO HAPPY!

everything happens for a reason. after a couple of episodes of being upset because of Love & Misadventure, i finally got it. i finally bought it. with my own money. on my own journey. i not only bought it, but i got to meet the author, have her signed my copy of her masterpiece, take a picture with her, and even talked to her!

haaaappppyyyyy :)

no matter how gedik adam is and how melayan i am, it's all role plays only we're actually good decent shy people lol. plus i've seen him the nerdiest when we were 9 so there's nothing he can be embarrassed about anymore hahaha, what's a few pickup lines can do right? he's come a long way! we bring fun to the table yo!!!

so we just had to have a picture together! memories! i was so happy that day i could take pictures of everything!

after we took this one i said "kau la ni tinggi sangat" and yes big grandpa glasses are just his style

"weh girlfriend kau tau tak kau kat sini"

"tau. dia tau aku jumpa kau."

"kau bagitau diaa?"

"ye la"

"uuuuuu"

"mesti la bagitau"

"nak tengok girlfriend kau!"

"aku takde gambar dia"

"alaaa. takkan takde? 

"betul laaa"

"asal???"

after i learnt his reason, i realized adam still hasn't really changed after all heheh

"kau? mana boyfriend?"

"hah? aku mana ada boyfriend"

"yeee la tu"

"betul lah!"

"takkan takde?"

"kalau aku ada kau rasa dia biar je ke aku jalan sengsorang jejauh camni?"

"hahaha"

baru kau faham ye yang aku wanita berdikari! tak perlu lelaki! lulz

"kau nak buatpe pasni?"

"tah taktau. kau?"

"aku pun takde buat pape. balik kot. tapi kalau kau nak jenjalan aku temanla, kesian lak kau sengsorang."

"eh takpe balik je la! aku boleh la sengsorang lek jee."

"kau datang jejauh sengsorang ni sebab nak beli buku ni je la? sanggup eh"

"mestila sanggup! actually aku dah baca dah buku tu, siap save dalam laptop lagi hahaha"

"hok aloh"

"tapi aku nakla beli jugak, itu la yang kau tak fahammm"

"hmm so kau nak gi mana ni?"

"aku taktau, serius aku takde plan langsung. aku yolo gila ni."

"taknak makan ke apa ke? dah datang jejauh takkan nak balik terus"

"aku memang malas nak balik shah alam. aku rasa cam nak balik rumah or pegi upm jumpa hazirah"

"pergi camni je tak bawak pape?"

"yolo"

so we both headed to the lrt. we were talking and i was laughing about something when i saw them... the two intec dudes. i saw the first one, and then i looked at the second one next to him, who caught my eye, we made eye contact OMG WHAT DO I DO. SO I SMILED. HE WASN'T EVEN SMILING WHY DID I SMILE??? did he see who i was walking with? some guy?! wearing matching coloured cloths?! is this why she was alone before?! no wonder she's laughing like she's happy?! lol i was paranoid for a few minutes. they certainly didn't think any of that, they just saw hey that's ama and thought of nothing more. but still. what a perfect timing like we couldn't have bumped into each other some other time, OR NOT AT ALL.

adam wanted to buy Aunt Anne's, and he offered to belanja me! he insisted but i was still paranoid to have the appetite lol such a waste. so i just stood in the line with him. if i were going back home i would buy some for my mom, but i've made my decision about my destination. upon reaching the lrt adam asked me was i going back to shah alam, or home, or going to upm? i said upm. he asked if i ever went to upm before. i said no. he said pergh gila ah kau. i said baru la yolo. aku tak penah pun tetiba je nak pegi sini sana sesuka hati walaupun tak tau kat mana, first time ni. "aku tengah texting ngan hazirah ni tanya camne nak pegi sana sume haha." while waited for our lrt we talked, and then his came first. bye. i was alone again. this time, with Love & Misadventure in my hand :')

on my way hazirah was excited that i'm going to her place she didn't believe it and was even nervous! so cute. i bought her some chocolates as well because she wanted some chocolates, comfort food as she called it. and then i made it! i arrived at upm on my own for the first time just following directions and hopping from one public transport to another and finally i'm here!

yeah

when i arrived at her dorm college i was like where the hell am i... what if the cab dropped me at the wrong place. this is a hella big uni. just walking towards the dorm building is far enough. where on earth are you hazirah?! and then there she was, waving me from her room. the queen datang kau tak turun pun?! suruh aku naik sendiri?! amboi amboi amboi. she couldn't believe i was there right in front of her eyes. aww. for you i will. you couldn't come and accompany me at klcc so i came to accompany you instead! she's bored and alone, because she didn't have a roommate anymore so that meant...... we had all the room to ourselves! yeah pardaaaayyy!

parday pebendanya belum tengah malam dia dah tidur. sleepover apanya gini. i disappoint. i spent my time camwhoring in her room, taking selfies of me with her sleeping as the background hahaha. ye ye je kata boleh late night girl talk takpe dia tak tido awal walaupun esok ada kelas takpeee. konon. sape suruh petang tu heret aku round upm naik beskal?! kan dah penat! omg that evening. i told her i hated her. "I HATE YOUUU TAKNAK DATANG UPM DAH THIS IS THE FIRST AND THE LAST TIME" i said, short of breath. i'm not much of an athlete okaaay, so don't blame me. cycling up and down the hills in upm was killing meee. you should love me for who i am not change me to be like you! hahaha. mentang2 la dak upm, dah biasa naik beskal merata-rata. it's cool, but cruel. i would lose weight if i were to stay in upm. that's good. but with the amount of torture cycling offers, that's bad.

aku adela gak cycle kat shah alam (best gilos) tapi takdela sampai nak tercabut kaki rasa nak mati pffft.

ku tak sanggup lagi. lebih sanggup gemuk jika begini

(but adam said aku makin kurus! hahaha optical illusion at its best)

apa sesengih i hetchu

can you imagine how feminine i was? riding the bicycle dressing like that, wearing handbag. at some points i just hold the handle with one hand because my other hand was holding my bag, or i was lazy so i cycled in a "i'm here for the experience not the exercise, i'm here for breathing in cool air not gasping for air" way. 

dahla ada kejadian memalukan. we both were walking to tempat letak basikal, and i was talking about how long had it been since the last time i cycled on a road with many other vehicles not to mention buses and there are many buses in upm what if i got into an accident what if i fell... and at that moment, it happened.

"camne kalau kita jatuh-"

dan aku terjatuh. kemudian semuanya berlaku dengan pantas. aku terdiam sebab terkejut. did i really fall after talking about falling? hazirah pulak pandang belakang sebab tengok kenapa aku tetiba diam, eh mana ama? tengok-tengok aku dah terduduk kat lantai. aku pandang dia, dia pandang aku. pastu dua-dua gelak gegilaaaaaa. she just stood there and laughed. i just sat there and laughed. a woman in a car just stayed in the car and laughed. at me. she tried to look like she wasn't laughing. she failed. aku taknak bangun sebab maluuu pastu penat oh gelak lemah lutut nak bangun camni. we couldn't stop laughing. it was ridiculous. i fell after i mentioned the word fall? gelak sampai berair-air mata bunyi cam menangis. sakit sikitla sebab jatuh terduduk tapi sakit lagi perut gelak. tetiba dengar suara laki, tapak kaki mereka mendekati. terus aku bangun. bongok gila ahhh.

luckily no other moment of mulut masin happened. phewh.

after upm torturing tour ended, we went to a cafe. everyone was like wearing sport attire, t-shirt, sweat pants, sport shoes, riding bicycles, walking, jogging, that i couldn't help but ask "memang budak upm kuar petang exercise eh?" serious you'd just have to ask! nobody, i repeat nobody i saw wore like a blouse, or a skirt, or a dress, jeans, formal or hipster attire, or anything else. hazirah told me that's just normal, so how do people at intec dress? all possible ways to dress and all different senses of fashion, honey. cehhh puyus. dak dak upm semua sangatlah nature friendly and healthy kot, bagus bagus. minum jap lelepak, eusha, gegossip, cecer. pastu balik kolej kediaman di mana sesi visitor photoshoot diadakan sampai senja.

malam tu dah mandi pakai hazirah punya toiletries, basuh baju pakai hazirah punya sabun dan berus, sidai baju pastu pakai baju hazirah pula, ditinggalkan hazirah cos she's got a meeting. dak dak degree memang begini. namun begitu beliau prihatin akan kebajikanku. sibuk fikir aku nak makan apa semua, i felt so loved haha. i was touched :') after she left me with food only then she went out. mungkin sebab ada orang tanya "dah bagi ama makan ke belum?" hahaha macamla aku ni anak dia ke kucing dia ke apa, "bagi makan" lol. so while she was out i was alone. but i was really glad i came. it was not much, but it was a getaway i needed :')

got to tell her a few things, we talked about some things, take my mind off things, that's the best part.

i have camwhore complex. it's a disorder. i want my pictures to be taken but they end up ugly (actually it's me) so it's rather pointless to point a camera at me but i never give up. lulz. the one holding the camera is the one who gives up because i see the picture, i delete it, and i ask them to snap it again. haha

after many attempts i was disappointed and i told hazirah

"camne ni, awak yang kena jadi photographer kita kawen nanti! buatla kita nampak cantik!"

memember, so i expect a free service! kira wedding gift la. but then we agreed to hire a pro instead. because

"kita dah hire so keje photographer la untuk buat kita nampak cantik, bukan salah kita kalau gambar tak cantik!"

LOL. what if i hire a photographer but i look bad in the photographs, do i still have to pay? lolol

i'm better at taking pictures of myself than having people taking pictures of me so here some selfiesss

my face after facing a near death experience: exercising. that's why i looked like a corpse.

hazirah's face: pwedday as always. well, live up to the name la. she's the cuter half, but i'm the better half.

she's the one who called me her better half, i'm just honouring her opinion tqluvyuhaz HAHA

that morning i woke up, she was getting dressed for class. what am i gonna do while you're goneee? just sleep she said. so i kept on sleeping lulz. when i woke up again, her block was quiet and empty except for a couple of girls and makcik cleaners. upm made me felt so peaceful, as if i'm on a holiday trip, with the fresh air and the chirping birds and the greenery. aku jela yang peaceful pun, orang lain miserable kena gi class muahahah. i had the bathroom all to myself, and the bedroom all to myself, and i waited for hazirah to come back. she came back with lunch for me, such a mother she was, practicing maybe, then when she was out for her afternoon class i left with her as well, to go back to reality: intec. i wished i could stay for another day, she wanted me to stay too, so cute this mother, but i just had to leave.

thank you for your hospitality. tsk.

like i said, like a mother.

she even tweeted this picture of me leaving, and even one when i just arrived.

so happy to see me come and so sad to see me leave. oh mommy.

i returned to intec, feeling fine, and fresh. it was like i got better, or i became someone new. idk, but i like it. i've always wanted getaways and holidays, not for the fun itself, but for the escape it gives me. yet i've never felt like this. when all i did was visit hazirah at her university. but it was enough. maybe because i was alone on the journey, i felt free, i had liberty, i spent time with her, i surrounded myself with nature, i let things out, i let myself lost and i found myself again. i like that.

some people think it's crazy that i was willing to go to KLCC from shah alam, alone, just to meat Lang Leav. even crazier when i decided to go to serdang for the first time to have an unplanned sleepover with Hazirah. a misadventure for love. but sometimes in life, you've gotta have some Love & Misadventure. 

the feeling of finally getting what you want, the feeling of being found in a new place as you were lost in your own, the feeling of going with your gut.  

so worth it :)