Aku sebenarnya banyak benda nak settle ni, almaklumlah sem baru dah nak mula.... lap air mata jap. tapi satu apa pun tak start lagi untuk sesi settle menyetel tersebut. cam biasa, tunggu last minute sampai emo rasa satu apa pun tak sempat buat dan tadaaa, dengan ajaibnya mesti settle punyalah. senyum puas hati si mata panda.
aku pun banyak benda nak blog jugak, siap ada mental list lagi. tapi cam biasa keretapi ni malas bergerak. kalini pasal apa yang dah lama bersarang di lubuk fikiranku. acewah. ini luahan hati ok, dan yang mungkin akan mengguris beberapa hati. untuk tu saya mintak maaf awal-awal (dan dan permohononan maaf terus bersaya-saya, sopannyewww). awal-awal jugak, aku cakap, it's not you, but it's me. acewah lagi.
tak ni bukan entri jiwang.
indeed, if you don't see the hikmah behind it
camne nak mula. ah ramble jelah.
aku... nak berubah. tapi...
ok surrender. takleh nak main ramble je. sebab ni, hal agama. isu peribadi. jadi takleh tackel sesuka hati. hmm. ok aku pernah cakap pasal ni;
"the environment here which is not too religious but still good enough for me so i won't be hit by culture shock with the intensity of tabligh and tarbiyah. i might even rebel well with me you can't really tell. but here it's just nice, it doesn't push you so you sorta pull yourself towards it. which is my cup of tea. the only problem is when you don't want to be identified as this and that, as human beings label each other all the time, so you'd prefer not to do something although you want to because you don't want people to have certain expectation of you as you're doing what the identified group of people do, get it? no? i don't want to be known as "budak ...." or "geng ...." because it will draw boundaries of what i can't do and place a burden of what i must do which is the point, a good one, actually, but i just want to be me. i do what i want. not because of who i am. or which group of people i belong to." - taken from heeeere
jadi itulah. takdelah masalah sangat pun tapi sesuatu yang berlegar di ruang hatiku acececewah.
aku nak berubah. tapi aku rasa takut nak mendekati orang-orang yang dah berubah sebab tahap mereka terlalu tinggi. aku nak jadi baik. cuma bukan macam tu. ah mengada. nampak sangat tak kuat. itulah masalahnya. bila nak, tapi taknak. taknak, tapi nak.
aku selalu baca camne dorang ni terlalu... alim? kebal? entertainment-allergic? lagha-proof? tujuan aku membaca, ya, sebab aku nak dekati mereka. kalau tak mereka pun, Dia. tapi bila aku baca aku sedar betapa kitorang... berbeza. that's the right word. dorang daie. daie yang terlalu menjaga diri. sedangkan aku? apa yang dorang jadikan allergy, yang tu aku buat hari-hari. down bai.
mungkin ada orang yang rasa camtu pasal aku. dorang rasa aku baik, bila kenal baru mengucap panjang hahaha. hand socks, feet socks, segala sock sock ni tak bermaksud apa-apa. cuma cuba jaga apa yang patut dijaga, tu je. mungkin dorang yang aku fikir baik belaka, pun rasa benda sama. yang dorang tak baik mana, takut nak dekati orang yang lagi tinggi tahap baiknya. yang lagi tinggi tahap baik pun camtu juga. takkan habis, selagi kita sedar siapa kita.
IM Asyraf yang comel dan ada lagi 3 kuota tu kata, nak berubah, kena plan. remember the story of a father, his son and a donkey? exactly. the solution is plan your journey. so when people talk or question you, just think you know your plan, He knows too. as long as there's a journey, insyaallah you'll get there. Sham Kamikaze pulak kata, nak berubah, ikut nabi. jangan ikut geng, pemikiran memana. jangan fikir orang. fikir Allah. "sebesar biji sawi, sebesar zarah kebaikan, Aku akan balas" Allah janji. oh dia kata lagi, muzik ni khilaf yang takkan habis sampai bebila. nak dengar? dengarlah. tapi buat ibadah wajib + sunat. ambik dunia jangan sampai lupa akhirat! lol k menggunakan nota ROS dengan sepenuhnya ni.
Ketika Cinta Bertasbih - Doa Taubat
aku nak dengar jugak. aku nak tau jugak. aku nak belajar jugak. selama ni baca kat internet, tengok kat tv, sendiri-sendiri je. tapi bila nak live, aku nak jadi invisible. aku tak nak orang nampak aku. sebab aku nak jadi diri aku, tapi versi baik. konflik dalaman betul.
aku baca status Aiman Azlan, pasal usrah kat Canada. best sebab ahli usrah macam-macam orang dengan macam-macam ragam. kaki bola, gamer, macam-macam ada. bukan semua sepesen je. tapi semua niat sama, nak jadi better. itu yang aku nak. tengok video Tomato, berair mata. tunggulah aku fly nanti kot lulz.
aku tak suka komitmen. dan aku tak suka expectation.
"ayu nak join dorang ma... tapi ayu bukan cam dorang."
"kenapa pulak?"
"dorang lain sangat. bahasa lain. intonasi suara lain. pakaian lain. semua lain. nanti kalau ayu join, peliklaa. kenapa dia tak macam kita? jom tukar dia jadi macam kita! kalau dorang kata camtu, camne? ayu suka ayu camni, ayu selesa. cuma ayu nak jadi baik je."
"join jelah. kalau ayu ada, nanti budak lain macam ayu pun join sama. baru dorang tau kalau nak jadi baik, tak semestinya jadi camtu."
betul jugak cakap mak aku.
sebab aku pun, suka tengok orang macam aku, yang baik. atau orang baik, yang macam aku. baru aku rasa, oh dia pun manusia. dia pun sama. kalau dia boleh, kenapa tak aku? bukannya aku mencari kekurangan dalam diri seorang muslim, muslimah. cuma... entahlah. aku cari persamaan, agaknya.
ada seorang akak. hai kak, kalau akak baca. dah lama kenal akak ni, tapi tak pernah jumpa. thanks internet. dulu selalu saling jengah-menjengah blog, kengkadang chatting. sekarang memasing busy. tapi masih 'ziarah menziarahi'. akak ni nampak alim. memang alim. sekolah agama lagi. tapi bila kenal empunya diri, oh cool rupanya akak ni. dia selalu kata, orang yang dah kenal dia akan cakap tak sangka dia camni rupanya. ingatkan sekian sekian. dia mungkin rasa sebab tu dia kena baiki diri, tapi pada aku tu yang buat aku tak lari.
ada hadis, lupa perawi, tapi bunyi camni; "siapa yang ucap syahadah, dialah daie."
maka dengan itu, semua orang islam pun daie lah kan? tapi apa yang aku baca... buat aku rasa aku bukan je tak capai taraf nak bersama dengan daie, tapi nak jadi daie tu jauh sekali. sebab apa yang aku baca, takde istilah daie separuh masa. daie tak patut ini, daie takleh camtu. benda yang kita rasa biasa, tapi pada dorang berbisa. banyak pantang larang yang tak tercapai tahap ketakwaanku. ohhhh! secara tak langsung jadi daie ni nampak menakutkan tahu. padahal bukan ke itu amanah untuk kita?
ada dalil, lupa ayat mana (lol memang fail) bermakna "wahai orang beriman, janganlah cakap benda kamu tak buat." er lebih kurang lah, maksudnya dah dakwah, tolonglah buat. IM Asyraf kata lagi, ni ayat rahmat, bukan ancaman. bukan jangan dakwah kalau tak buat. sedangkan kalau sorang penzina tau kawan dia berzina, dia wajib tegur kawan dia kan? jadi dah alang-alang dakwah tu, dakwahkan diri kita sekali.
bila dakwah = jadi daie. bukan ke tu memang kerja kita? tu yang aku ingatkan diri sendiri. walaupun diri sendiri pun tunggang langgang. bila ingatkan orang, kita pun sedar diri. tapi apa yang aku baca pasal kriteria daie lah, peraturan pendakwah lah, apelah, itu yang buat aku rasa woah bagai langit dengan bumi!
mungkin daie yang dorang maksudkan ialah gelaran. bukan sekadar peranan. gelaran yang dibawa hanya oleh budak usrah, akak naqibah, ahli jemaah. setakat cam aku ni... dikecualikan kot har har leh tak.
tapi apa aku patut buat? takkan berhenti sebarkan walau sepotong ayat macam suruhan Nabi semata-mata sebab aku takde ciri-ciri yang dicari? aku cuba tak semakkan otak dengan hal ni.
takpe, tak capai tahap mereka, takpe. kita cuba, cara kita. manalah tau, sampai jugak nanti.
"Oh, it's the date already," I muse, as I glance at the clock on my laptop. 0200. Still early, to me. It's 'the date', not because something big is going to happen. Well, not at least in my life. It's 'the date', just because of the digit combination. Well, also because of weddings and other remarkable moments which are none of my concern others may experience.
Wait, what if 20.12.12 is unique for a reason? What if it's the one date to make us do extraordinary things - proposing to your high school sweetheart or confessing your unspoken feelings to the guy of your dreams or getting married underwater with a dolphin as your best man or realizing your life long ambition, say writing your first novel - not because we want to remember this date better and reminiscent over it later, but because we might not have another day to do so? What if there is no tomorrow?
Ah, The Mayans messing up with my brain. I laugh at myself for even thinking such a thing... or for spending my last day on earth doing absolutely nothing worth living and dying for, as I scroll down Tumblr and see yet another funny post making fun of the supposed 'Doomsday'. This time, I laugh at the absurdity of it all.
I turn on the tv. An airplane is shaking violently, and also violently, snaps into two, throwing off half its passengers screaming helplessly in the sky while the other half hold on to dear life. 'Alive', is its tittle. Ironic, seeing nobody will get out of it alive. The plane crashes to the ground and -
"What the...?" It goes black. No, not the plane. But the tv, and everything around me. Great. Black-out at this hour when everyone else is deep asleep. And I was just thinking of heating what's left of my pizza leftovers. I don't feel like going online anymore, and as I close my laptop screen, my only source of light, everything is pitch black. As dark as it can be. Not the kind of dark in which you can see your shadow or the outline of furniture, this is the kind in which you see nothing, not even your own figure.
I reach out for my cell phone slash torchlight and press a key. Wait, I press a key again. What? Now I press all the keys. Great. Dead battery at this very moment. I sigh, getting up off the couch and making my way to the stairs, my hands stretching out in front of me as not to knock anything down, wondering why the hell is there no light shade or whatsoever from the street lamps or something? Is this whole area down?
Arriving on the top of the stairs with success in term of no broken bone or swollen toe, I smoothly zombie my way to my room and jump on my bed. Ah, at least i get to sleep early tonight. Okay, early to me. It's a bit hot in here, with only a slight wind blowing through my window. Turning on the ceiling fan at full speed hoping the electricity will be restored soon, a thought strikes me if this has got anything to do with the day after today.... then I doze off to a dreamless sleep.
The blindingly shining morning sun wakes me up. It takes me a while to finally get up though, and as I do I realize I've been sweating. Don't tell me it's still black-out, but the non-spinning fan says it still is. I go down stairs and see my mom in the living room, talking on the phone.
"Your house too? I thought there's a problem with my fuse box. Hopefully they will fix it by 2 pm. Yes I wonder what will happen! It's so nerve-wrecking. The last episode..." with that word i know it is no longer worth eavesdropping. Moms and their soap operas.
I turn on my laptop to see a 70% remaining power left. I'm just going to entertain myself with the internet like i always do, black-out or not. I check out the last website I was on last night, Tumblr. I am about to start my scrolling routine when my eyes stop dead on a post. It says; "Is it just my hometown or other places have black-outs as well?" It has almost 14,000 notes. Over a night. Well, in my country part of the world. But a day it seems in others'. It is just a question, but one which creates responses.
"Where r u? The whole Aussie has interrupted power supply," the first comment. Followed by "My place too, im French, not sure about the whole country cuz there's no tv and news and all my laptop's gonna be dead in a few minutes idk whats happening??" A few other comments reporting their local's electricity condition, and then "We live across the globe and all of us have no electricity? Unless the electricity companies pull a prank on us or....", "stahp it its not funny nmore," a grammar nazi's comment in the middle of the chaos "*it's" and a frantic "guise im freaking out alrdyyy!"
Then there's one comment, a simple word, or should i say.. a simple arrangement of numbers.
"21.12.2012."
And all hell breaks loose.
disclaimer: this is a half-true story.
question: which part is true?
jeng jeng jenggggg.
So tomorrow is the day. the day some of us have been dreading, and the day some of us have been waiting for just to make a point to the ones who have been dreading it and say "HAHAHA SO MUCH FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE!"
or the dreading ones will be the one who laugh and say "TOLD CHAAA!" before they're dead too.
there are three types of people in this world. 1. the believers, 2. the deniers, 3. the whatevers.
1. The Believers.
Those who believe in the prediction. we can't really blame them... maybe they don't hold strongly their belief that nobody but God knows when the earth is going to crumble. maybe they are not tied to any faith at all, hence being lost and will believe anything that has the slightest clue of something bigger than them. maybe they have done their own 'research', see the pattern in numbers in the Quran or Bible or whatever, so they believe that they have discovered the secret message. maybe they are just being careful, so what if the world doesn't really end tomorrow? at least they tried, at least they've got nothing to lose, at least they've proposed or confessed or had a best man dolphin or written the first page of their first novel right?
i don't like it when people ridicule them. they just don't know. you don't know when is the end too right? this whole "bodoh mung kalo caye esok kiamat bodoh binge" is not the right way la. they wouldn't believe it in the first place if they believed what we believe right? so in a way if you think they're stupid, you're being arrogant thinking you're better than them. and i don't like you regardless of who you are.
btw, The Mayans didn't say anything about the end of the world. if anyone says their calendar marks the last day of the earth, it's not them. they just say it's the end of the cycle. they believe it's a new start.
2. The Deniers.
The deniers are not only those who make fun of 122112, saying "how does this work what about time zones? New Zealand please tag your apocalypse spoilers" which is really funny cos i once thought about this i mean will the whole world end simultaneously or will it be country by country as long as it's the 21st? i really enjoy these apocalypse jokes out of good humour.
but the deniers are also those who say "Don't believe it. It's not the end yet. Kiamat itu rahsia Allah, sedangkan Nabi pun tak tahu apetah lagi kita ni. mengarut je semua tu."
yes, you stay true to the teachings of Islam, but i think you should mind your wording. because you indirectly make it sound like you say the world won't end tomorrow. like you're so sure, indirectly means you are just the same as those who believe the world will end. because you're certain of something you don't know. when you say nobody knows except Allah, make sure you really know what you mean. it means you too, don't know when the world is going to end. it may not be tomorrow, and it MAY BE too.
"The end of the world? LOL"
i'm not in any way saying The Mayans were right, but here's some logic. just so you're careful with what you say. how do you know nothing will happen? after all, kiamat has a lot of phases... for all we know maybe it's the start of something, the beginning of the many events that will lead to the real armageddon. it's not like the movie 2012, the whole planet earth will be hit by meteors and the ground is gonna crack open revealing lava underneath our feet kinda stuffs. maybe it's something we don't even realize is happening, but Allah has marked the start of the last days of the earth. everyone knows that Allah alone knows about the day of destruction, but nobody knows if He will or will not let anyone know about it, right? again, not saying anything, just trying to make you see sense.
about the astronomy stuffs, they can be hidden truths or just rumours. NASA says nothing's gonna happen, but then again they don't know the only thing we do know which is no matter how good the condition of our planet is, if Allah wants something to happen nothing can stop Him. and NASA says it's impossible for the earth to reverse it's rotation, but all Muslims know it's one of the signs of doomsday. yeah that bit is creepy. scientists always wants evidence but all we need is faith. plus, even if there will be a collision of planets and whatnot, maybe disasters will happen, maybe nature will seek its revenge on us big time this time, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the end of the world. or maybe 21.12.12 means something bad will happen, not in the form of doomsday, it can mean anything symbolic. or nothing at all. wallahualam.
my point is, we never really know, right? so stop saying something will happen or something will not happen. stop saying anything you know nothing about. share the hadith, the verses, it's good as reminders but don't simply talk using your own logic. cos i'm sick of Muslims making fun of it like they are 100% sure nothing will happen when in fact they 100% know nothing. i'm sick of them thinking they know Allah's words when at the same time they take it for granted.
boleh gerenti takde pape akan jadi? beringat je dahlah. tak perlu perkecilkan apa yang dah pasti atau obsess dengan apa yang kita tak taktau lagi.
menyampah pulak aku tengok budak-budak bajet bijak berhujah. just because you read things on the internet and you know all the chronologies of kiamat tak perlulah sampai cakap "aku konfem seratus peratus takkan ada apa jadi, aku dah kaji." kengkadang aku nak je pape jadi biar kau terberak terkencing time tu pastu aku nak tengok muka kau hahaha.
think. we say we should be ready at all times because we don't know when the end is, if we ever get to it, if we won't, we don't know when our end is. but now when there's a prediction about when it's going to happen, we stand tall saying "naaah it's nonsense." how sure are we? and are we ready? supposedly the world ends tomorrow and we're still not prepared, how are we ever going to be prepared when there's no prediction and anytime at all, it can happen? to me it's an irony.
3. The Whatevers
they don't give a damn about anything. they are cynical, they are in denial, they live by YOLO. if tonight's their last night alive, they will choose to spend the time of their lives or just go to bed like any other day.
i believe, if the world is really going to end, everyone will go back to their belief and faith be it any religion at all because that's our fitrah. we're humans, we need to know there's something bigger than us to keep it all together. and what other times than the end of the world to feel like we could use some help over here?
and i find it beautiful, for people to unite and rely on the ultimate power.
You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?
this question has striked my mind many times, since i was still so young when my peers didn't bother themselves with this grave (literally) questions. then again, maybe it's because they didn't know death like i did. in my life, death feels so close, like it can rip those closest to me anytime it wants. like it did once. i fear others' death more than i do mine. so before i RIP, i don't really LIP, i become paranoid on certain basis. but now it's not as worse, i'm getting better. more cilek orang kata.
do you?
i don't always think about my own death, though. but when i do, i think of who will be there. here's a secret. my imaginations are sometimes so intense it has made me cried thinking about my own death. not because i couldn't bear thinking that i was dead. but i couldn't bear thinking of those who cared.
i know despite complaining about people who are responsible for my trust issues, that some do care. a few do love. it took me a while to realize that. i cried thinking of how it would make them feel. their shocked faces when they find out. their blank expression when they try to deny it. their eyes when they finally believe it. it's so heart-breaking to fantasize about it it breaks my heart too.
this question is included in the file entitled My Death stored in a drawer labeled as What If in a store that is my brain. a creepy brain i know. i have all the answers figured out, just need to flip through the file again.
1. i will not tell anyone about it.
if you really know me, you'll know i can be one heck of a secretive girl. i was really secretive back then, but now not as much. because i've found people i trust, although i learn a lot about it the hard way. but the price of being comfortable to the point of opening yourself up to people (or blogs in this case) is putting down your guard and let your secrets out of the closet. when you start, telling people about yourself can be addictive, even to those whose trustworthiness hasn't been proven yet. so i don't know whether i embrace it or regret it.
in 2010 i didn't tell anyone about going to stay in New Zealand for two months, except for a few people and even then they didn't know when. i texted them about it when i was already at the airport. in 2012 i only told people i was about to leave for umrah the day i did, and that included my best friend. she was really upset, i felt bad about it. i don't know, it's just a thing i do. i'm the type of person who might even out of the blue update a picture showing her henna painted hand and ringed finger with a caption "i'm married!" ok maybe not that secretive.
so what did you expect when it comes to the matter of life and death? of course if i were to find out about it in advance, i would bring the secret to my grave, literally.
what worries me is most likely my family would find out about whatever health condition i were to suffer from. dah yang bawak gi sepital pun mereka kan, mana lagi kau nak sembunyi? but once i'm all grown up and can depend on myself, it's gonna be a well-kept secret. if i would tell anybody else, it would be my best friends. and they better not tell a soul anything or i'll bring them with me to my grave.
i don't want people to treat me differently. i hate seeing their eyes filling up with sympathy. i dislike listening to their unnatural, sudden gentle, kind words. i loathe any of it.
i would want to live normally, happily, positively. would you not?
2. i would do what i've always wanted to do, should do, would do if only i had more time
speaking as a muslim, of course i would do what muslims do nearing their last day of the first life. you only live twice. make the best out of the first one to get the best second one, aye? if you live by YOLO, you'll make the best out of this worldly life only, which is a no no.
taubat. Allah. i would repent like i never repent before, more and more every time. ok now that we're talking about death in islamic context i start to feel terrified. kalau tak, takdelah sangat. mungkin takdelah langsung. i was once a girl who thought death was the only escape. so... yeaaah moving on. i would buat pahala even more la. but if you ask me to choose only one; buat pahala atau hapus dosa? i say hapus dosa. dosa banyak sangat ya Allah buat pahala banyak pun tah-tah tak efek timbangan al-mizanku. buat pahala sangat senang sebenarnya. tapi hapus dosa itu tak semudah yang disangka.
speaking as me, i would... write a novel. what i have always wanted to do since forever. i have a few developed plots, storylines, even dialogues and oh the endings as well but what does all that mean if they're only in here?! *gestures to the head. i would say what i've been thinking, ask what i've been wondering. i would go to places i love. walk on the beach and lie on sand, swim in seas and beam at the sky. gaze at the moon and count the stars. spend more time with loved ones, laugh like i live forever. i believe if one knows they are about to die, they'll see, listen, and talk differently. it's tragically beautiful.
oh yeah i would send that organ donor form i've filled in for quite a while. here's a funny story. a few days ago i was not feeling well, and one morning i woke up trembling and freezing to death. i didn't really have a fever, but then again i never had a fever which woke me up from sleep only to greet me with gritted teeth. i wrapped myself with a thick comforter like a burrito but it was still really freaking cold i was wailing. for a second there i thought i was dying and how i didn't send that form yet but my mom knows about my intention to be a donor but would that be enough? i was shaking so badly and my head hurt so i just resumed my sleep hoping my mom wouldn't check on me because she'd freak out thinking i was dying or something lol.
i would make sure the little money and possessions i leave behind go to the right people and places. i would go extra, extra length in trying to help people cause i've got nothing to loose. i would get rid of my secrets-filled notes i wrote some time ago, a diary i once used to spill my heart out. i would delete pictures the camwhore side of me owns, and some stuffs i upload/post online. i might want to write something for loved ones. i would consider whether to let my family know about this blog and my fb account or not. they don't know this side of me, this expressive, thoughtful, poetical, writer side of me. all i am to them is the manja anak last who sometimes can be annoyingly loud and other times spend her days in her room all shut up.
wow. so much to do in one month, eh?
but one thing i wonder if i would really do is say this;
"if i die, tell him i love him."
of course, there's no him is there not?
3. i would and would not be afraid
spiritually speaking, of course i would be afraid. i'm a muslim. i know where people go after they die. i know what happens in the afterlife. i'm not gonna be stuck in some limbo. if i'm good enough, i'll go to heaven. if i've been bad, i'll go to hell. but it's not that easy. it's complicated, the record of our deeds, the counting of our doings. even before that happens, we'll stay in the world of the dead. we stay down under, and get a taste of how we'll be treated up there. it's all the matter of being ready for the down under and the up there part, not of death itself. and to be ready, is to be a good muslim. which i slack off sometimes, most of the times, or all the time.
so of course i would be scared shitless.
but i think maybe i would not be afraid because i know all that. some people are afraid of death because they are clueless of the part after life. where do you go after this? they have no idea what it's about. do you become a ghost or do you reincarnate or do you just poof? they don't know if they're just gonna end up as dirt. what's the point of living? useless the life they've had, pointless the life they've made.
i would not be afraid because i would be lucky. hey, at least i know when i'm going to die right? i think sick people who know they are dying are lucky. because they have time to get closer to God, to people, to the world. at least they can repent, seek forgiveness, confess love. those around sick people who know they are dying are lucky, at least they are prepared for it. at least they've been warned of the life they will have after the life of someone ends, they have time to brace themselves. at least they can give their best to them on their last days. these people, are usually more redha when the dying souls finally go.
but if i were the dying one, those around me wouldn't be so lucky muahaha.
to know about anyone's death beforehand, can be the worst curse, but the best blessing one can ever gain.
Tadi aku pergi kenduri sepupu lelaki aku. macam sedara mara lain belah babah, aku kenal dia camtu camtu je, tau nama, tau rupa, anak sapa, senyum masa raya. dah. itu boleh tahan lagi. ada yang aku taktau pun dia sedara aku, hah parah tak.
aku yang biasanya pemalas tahap gaban bab bersosial dengan kaum kerabat, tetiba rasa nak pergi kenduri ni. aku pun taktau kenapa. nak kata aku terliurkan lauk kenduri, mungkin. tapi aku tahu venue kalini hanyalah di rumah flat pengantin perempuan, jadi aku takde high expectation untuk apa pun. macam sangkaan aku, tempat duduk tak cukup, keadaan agak serabut, paling mengecewakan, no ayam masak merah for me. tapi macam kat mana-mana kenduri menyambut mempelai baru, terasa kemeriahannya.
senyum. untuk bina masjid, macam ini pun cukup untuk dorang, sekadar mampu. yang penting, jamu tetamu, pasangan bahagia, ye?
aku pergi mungkin sebab ada kesedaran, apa yang aku boleh buat untuk babah sekarang ialah jalinkan ukhwah dengan darah daging dia. walaupun darah daging yang tinggal hanyalah sorang. adik-adik babah yang lain dah takde. ada yang pergi dulu, ada yang menyusul lepas dia. yang ada ipar duai, bau-bau bacang je.
sepupu aku ni, anak adik bongsu babah. adik bongsu babah meninggal sebab breast cancer tak silap. masa aku darjah dua rasanya. hidup adik babah ni sedih.
dalam perjalanan ke kenduri, mama bercerita. dulu sepupu aku tu, masa kecik, datang rumah aku berak kat longkang. memula gelak terkenang. "hah?! kenapaaa?" bila aku bertanya, cerita sedih bermula. sebab rumah dia memang macam tu, ma kata. setinggan. berlantaikan tanah. tikar yang dibuat alas makanan pun teruk rupanya. tapi besar hati moksu masak macam-macam untuk babah sekeluarga bila datang menjenguk. besar hati dia menjamu abang dia. sedih mama tengok. tiga kali mama ulang. sedih mama tengok.
senyum. miskin harta, tapi kaya budi bahasa, nampak? besar hati dia siapkan apa yang ada, yang mungkin tak cukup untuk dia sekeluarga. kita kalau ada kekurangan, jangan dihina diri sendiri, jangan dibandingkan dengan orang yang lebih, jangan dengki, jangan busuk hati. jangan. rumah moksu kecik, tapi hati dia besar.
atok marah babah sebab kasi moksu kahwin dengan poksu. bukan atok aku, atok nenek aku semua dah lama takde. atok sedara agaknya. "habis kenapa babah kasi moksu kahwin jugak ma?" aku tanya. babah tak dapat jadi wali aku, tapi dia dapat merasa jadi wali adik-adik dia. mama kata babah kata "dah dia suka."
ah, babah. baiknya. takde cerekarama antara dua darjat atau apa. dah dia suka, nak buat macam mana? babah tak halang, mungkin sebab babah faham. nak dapatkan mama sendiri tiga tahun babah berusaha.
sempat lagi aku kata "ma, kalau babah kasi adik dia kahwin dengan orang macam tu. babah mesti tak kisah ayu kahwin ngan sesiapa pun kan?" sempaaaaat. eh mesti.
babah pernah marah adik perempuan dia lagi sorang je, itu pun sebab mokteh selalu dating dengan pokteh kat kampung, zaman sekolah lagi. babah marah sebab orang kampung bercakap. mama kata babah tegas. kalau mama kena marah macam tu mesti mama takut. kalau aku mesti merajuk. tapi mokteh dengan babah, lepas tu macam takde apa-apa. sebab mokteh faham. babah marah sekejap. babah marah satu hal, tak dibawak ke hal lain, ke masa lain. lepas habis sekolah, nak nikah, babah tak halang. sampai sekarang alhamdulillah, mokteh dengan pokteh jodoh panjang. adik babah yang dulu babah marah sebab dating dengan pakwe dia, dia jelah yang masih ada sekarang.
tapi moksu dah takde... dan moksu tak bahagia. agaknya. macam-macam masalah, tak cukup dengan hidup susah, barah, ada pula masalah rumah tangga. sedih. moksu belum pergi, dah ada pengganti. macam tak boleh tunggu moksu pergi dengan tenang dulu. sudah. tak elok bercakap hal orang. apalah perasaan moksu, sakit badan lain, sakit perasaan lain. ya Allah. jauhkan aku daripada dugaan macam ni.
lepas moksu pergi, tak lama kemudian anak bongsu dia pergi juga. anak bongsu dia memang sakit. teringat waktu aku ziarah jenazah moksu. anak dia menangis tak berhenti, muka merah, tuala yang digenggam basah, dipeluk saudara mara. ya Allah. jauhkan aku daripada dugaan macam ni.
tapi tak lama lepas tu, dia dah ok, nampak ceria, macam biasa. kakak dia yang dah berubah. jadi pendiam, muram, bermasaalah. apalah perasaan akak tu yang masih lagi terkesan dengan pemergian mak dia bila adik dia pun tinggalkan dia.
kakak saudara aku tu dulu antara pelajar cemerlang. masa depan cerah. tapi lepas moksu meninggal, hidup dia tunggang langgang. ambik pmr ke tak, tah. tapi dia tak sambung sekolah. hidup keseorangan, kesunyian. aku tak dapat bayangkan penderitaan dia. aku tak sanggup berada dalam situasi dia. bertahun-tahun, itulah yang aku paling takut. bila orang kata "kesian moksu..." atau "kesian anak moksu yang dah meninggal tu..." aku kata kenapa nak kesian dekat orang yang dah pergi? dekat orang yang tinggalkan kita?
diorang dah lepas seksa hidup, hidup diorang pun bukan sempurna. doakan je diorang lepas seksa kubur, kalau ada.
kesiankan siapa yang diorang tinggalkan. memang dari dulu inilah aku. lama sebelum Dumbledore kata "do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, but above all, those who live without love." wah, hafal kau. kata potterhead sejati. i have always pitied the living. maybe because i know the feeling.
lama tak jumpa kakak saudara aku tu. sejak moksu meninggal rasanya. 10 tahun dah. kalau tak dulu, masa bapak aku ada, masa mak dia ada, setiap tahun jumpa masa raya. teringat main sama-sama. ada gambar makan semeja. lepas dua-dua dah takde, yang datang pun abang dia je. datang bawak geng mat-mat motor makan, dapat duit raya. hamboiiiii. takpelah. cuma, kitorang tak kenal memember abang tu, tahu? takpelah. mungkin memember dia je yang dia ada masa tu.
senyum. tapi macam tu pun dia, ada jugak jodoh dia, kan?
apa tah jadi kat kakak saudara aku. boleh keluar dari kepompong dia dengan otak babah (bak kata mama, amboi jauhnya genetik sampai ke anak buah?), tapi terperangkap sebab tak kuat untuk mengeluarkan sayap dalam keadaan berangin, puting peliung, tsunami segala bagai. tapi cukup kuat, untuk terus hidup, walaupun dalam kepompong. walaupun berpindah randah dari daun ke daun. kuat sungguh. benar, Allah tak uji jika kita rapuh. ya Allah. jauhkan aku daripada dugaan macam ni.
back to kenduri story, sebelum balik, aku pergi ke kelompok sedara-mara-yang-tak-berapa-kenal untuk salam. tetiba tengok semua mata berair. apakah? oh, babak biasa. sebab nak berpisah agaknya. sebab terkenang babah agaknya. sebab terkenang adik-adik babah yang dah ikut babah agaknya. ok.
tengok mak aku tengah peluk seorang perempuan. lama pulak. mama nangis. dia, nangis juga. tapi lagi teruk rupa dia. hmmm. tak berapa kenal. anak siapa pulak ni?
aku tak tau kenapa dorang semua menangis dan aku tak tau siapa perempuan tu sampailah saat aku salam dengan dia, yang tah dari mana, secara tiba-tiba aku tau, oh, ini anak moksu!
dia salam aku, dan aku tau dia kenal aku bila dia usap pipi/bahu aku. dia senyum, tapi air mata menitik-nitik.
terus aku pun menangis jugak.
ok takdelah air mata mengalir cam makcik-makcik tu, tapi lebih kepada cam pakcik-pakcik yang cool, air mata bergenang je. control beb control.
keciknya dia. kurusnya dia. sedihnya dia bila jumpa mama. kenapa dia sesedih ni... Allah. she has had it worse. no matter what had happened, i'm still lucky. i have enough for me. she needs it more than i do.
i couldn't help thinking that if babah was here, nobody would be this sad.
dalam perjalanan balik, mama kata akak tu 'dah ada'. belajar kat Canada lagi. alhamdulillah. mana tah dia jumpa, tapi harap baiklah sesiapa yang jadi jodoh dia. terimalah dia seadanya. cukup dia menderita. cukup hidup dia seksa. dia takde sijil akademik, kerjaya hebat, gaji tinggi untuk buktikan diri dia. dia takde semua tu untuk dibandingkan dengan lelaki yang study oversea. tapi terimalah dia. biarlah dia kahwin dengan lelaki yang kaya, yang berjaya. biarlah dia rasa apa yang mak dia tak rasa. cukup roda dia kat bawah selama ni. biar dia kat atas pulak. dan biarlah dia tak lupa, asal dia. biarlah hidup dia senang. biarlah dia bahagia.
i really hope she will find her very happy ending. because after everything, she really deserves it.
Dah setahun dah aku habis sekolah... ok setahun 3 hari. sebab paper last SPM last year ialah Biology paper 3, 30.11.11. ingat lagi masa pengawas peperiksaan kasi kata-kata akhir sebelum kertas dikutip. betul tak betul, lantaklah. semua dah redha, sebab bila aku pusing belakang je, tengok semua pandang depan. aku sengih kat dorang. dorang sengih kat aku. pengawas peperiksaan kata ini kertas terakhir kamu... kamu dah usaha... sekarang tawakal je... semoga berjaya. banyak lagi la dia kata. yang buat hati aku dub dab dub dab, mata berair. lega, teruja, tak sangka, emosi. this is it everybody.
MERDEKAAA!
ok. tujuan post ni sebenarnya nak mengenang kembali saat bersama AB Family. wuwuw. mesti korang pelik kan buang tebiat apakah ini tetiba dah setahun kemudian baru nak bercerita. sekati ahh, dah sekarang baru aku tak malas bersedia. heh.
i just love reading the comments on the one i uploaded on fesbuk, such sweet gestures. i even got some private messages from you guys talking about the video, the moments and all personally :')
first time buat video. ingatkan senang, rupanya ambik masa jugak. nak susun gambar bagi kena dengan lirik biar bermakna, tukar ikut rentak, cut sini sana masukkan clip sesikit, edit ini edit itu. dengan beribu gambar dak-dak AB ni lagi, biasalah camwhoresss haha. but i made it with love, so i didn't mind doing it. there are a few things which i don't mind losing sleep over for, and this is one of it.
i also spent some days and even a sleepless night editing our class section for school magazine. and i did it a week before SPM, mind you. sebab banyak change of plan and my old computer time tu jugaklah nak buat hal bagai, aku edit sikit crash, aku move sikit crash, memang ada yang nak kena crash bebetul ni. tp bila akhirnya siap, aku cium "thanks honey," haha. pagi sebelum paper sejarah, cikgu panggil aku. ingat pasai paa. rupanya cikgu mintak copy untuk class section tu, nak hantar cecepat kat printing company lolol.
ok, based on this video, let's visit the memory lane one by one.... yeah it's gonna be very long indeed.
But how do you thank someoneWho has taken youFrom crayons to perfume?Oh, it isn't easy but I'll try
Maisarah
from crayons to perfume, to wedding dress to diapers, to our own diapers insyaallah. this post.
The time has comeFor closing books and longLast looks must end
Last day of high school.
11.11.11. very special date. very special day.
i remember how the sky was crying along with us. i remember how our faces were wet, our eyes were swollen and red. we just sat in the class, in silence. each in our own head. remembering the times when it felt like we had 5 more years to endure when we just stepped on the school ground for the first time. remembering the times when it felt like we had 2 more years to suffer before we could finally be free.
i remember how i thought, while recording a mental video of the class and taking mental pictures of you guys, that i loathed this school when i was in form 1. never in my right mind then that i would spend 5 years here. but then there i was, on my last day at SMKLK. it all worked out perfectly in the end.
remember when Fuzz was sobbing while eating Murni's legendary cake batik for the last time and we just laughed at her with our own tears?
remember when i caught Murni crying and she said "aku tak suka la macam niii"?
remember when Syuhada and the gang cried first and i started crying as well looking at them so i just pretended to capture some random stuffs?
the unedited version
i remember how everyone was so busy recording farewells and capturing memories.
in the exam hall when we were preparing our desk and everything
and guess what i found when i was stalking myself for pictures
nampak tak aku buku-buku yang aku pegang tu? haa tu semua tinggal bawah meja. memang taklah aku nak bawak beg berat setiap hari. dulu aku bawak balik buku kalau ada homework je, lain semua tinggal. tu pun banyak lagi yang dah bawak balik sebenarnya. haritu bawak beg galas pun sebab nak isi buku, kalau tak memang bawak beg yang gantung kat satu bahu tah apa nama dia, ala stok Maggie T tu. lagipun hari terakhir sekolah kan, nak merasa jadi budak sekolah pakai beg galas for the last time :')
And as I leave, I know thatI am leaving my best friend
Diena
i just met you, and this is crazy, we just clicked, so i love you maybe? har har. i think i'm gonna need a whole different post to talk about you. sila terharu. but i don't know when i'll do it, when i'm not too lazy maybe? har har you know me.
A friend who taught me right from wrongAnd weak from strong that's a lot to learn
Aijugheen
i miss you, no matter how you always cause some tears in my eyes. cos i'm just too empathetic liddat. here.
I keep thinking times will never change Keep on thinking things will always be the same But when we leave this year we won't be coming back No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
This is Life
remember when we hung out all the time last year and early this year?
it has only been one year. but since we all have headed down our separate paths, it has been hard to catch up with one another without using up all our credits, to meet with all of us being together in the same picture. but it doesn't matter, as long as in our hearts we know we're still friends, regardless of whatever.
right?
Stay at home talking on the telephone And we would get so excited and we'd get so scared Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
Fuzz
kita ingat lagi awak selalu call kita dulu. cakap pasal tah pape je. gossip, emo, luahan perasaan, masalah remaja lol, berangan, pasal study, pape je lah. kita pun layan je awak haha. tetiba awak call or text kita paranoid pasal peksa, sampai kita pulak yang stress kalau tak rilek je selamba haha. kita pun tolong awak tenangkan diri, kata pendengar yang baik psychologist-to-be en en lolol.
awak open je dengan kita. awak bagitau kita bila awak jeles, tah pape fuzz jeles sebab markah exam laa, jeles sebab adam laa HAHAH TU TAKLEH BLAH. tapi awak bagitau kita semua tu, kita rasa lega sebab awak tak pendam, cakap belakang sume. cerita dengan awak pun best sebab awak semangat sangat. kkalau satu cerita tu takleh tahan lagi ke-asdfghjkl-nya, awak speechless tak kata apa-apa, tangan gerak-gerak siap pegang kepala lagi hahahha. pastu kita dua cam "omg 3x", "tau takpe!" sume. rindunyaaa.
awak baik. memula masa tak biasa, memanglah rasa awak ni annoying sikit hahah. begitu semangat dalam segalanya, study, makan, semualah. awak macam naif, eh, em, naif yang innocent tu bukan naif lain LOLOL. kalau awak buat salah ke apa, kita rasa bukan niat awak. awak mungkin tak sedar pun apa awak buat tu salah. tapi awak baik. awak boleh kecoh cerita pasal awak, tapi awak boleh diam dengar cerita kita. awak cuba memahami dan menjiwaila haha. awak faham cara kita (cara study, cara berkawan, etc) and awak percaya kita dengan cerita awak. thanks faz :')
Ecah
yes, who knew i was not that geek people thought i was right? itulah, tak kenal maka tak cinta hua hua. and who knew, we would be that close to know how we both really were right? amazing indeed :)
probably because you're the one whom i spent every recess with every day. well, minus those many, many days bila aku ponteng almost setiap minggu lalala you never even ponteng a day! i was being a bit unfair there, kesian kau bila aku takde kena keseorangan atau ikut orang turun pergi kantin yang kecoh and kecah tu. hoho. to avoid awkward silences at the first stage of friendship we shared things with each other, even secrets later. wink wink. dagu.. anak cikgu.. sepupu.. YG.. BG.. all in the name of friendship, eh? hahah.
those days of telling each other about youtube videos and fangirling over songs... thanks for it all. remember when i said something to you about Someone Like You? and you wish me to find my own The Guy Who Can't Be Moved? those days.
remember when i was worried about something? about how they hated someone who seemed so arrogant i was afraid if i was being arrogant too unconsciously or even if i was not, they still hated me secretly anyway? you said, without hesitance, without doubt, without trying to be nice or whatever, that i would never be like that, never. "kau takkan jadi macam tu punya." for those reassuring words, thanks, cah.
oh and, sometimes. we need not friends who spare our feelings, but friends who give us a wake-up slap on the face to make us realize what an idiot we were for doing something so foolish. they help us to see we should know better. kata-kata pedas kau... pergh. you are that friend to me. thank you :')
Remember the conflicts, dramas, gossips, laughter, and tears?
drama.... pergh. dengan cikgu, dengan budak-budak.. tapi tu jugak yang menyatukan kita. bila kita kena berkumpul sesama satu kelas berbincang. censored censored. tapi kita semua ingat kan? emo... cuak... takut... sakit hati... dibenci... tah apa salah kita tah.
apa aku suka pasal AB Family ialah kita tak tunjuk pun yang kita konon one big happy family in class. we acknowledge the different cliques, we didn't pretend to be all united, but whenever necessary, we could be easily. kita tak tunjuk yang konon kita gempak, padahal cakap belakang bagai, tak. kita memang berbeza semua, tak perlu fake jadi mesra, tapi kita takde saling mengata. kot. kan? we kept it real braaah.
kita kawan je dengan semua. takde istilah dak-dak bio di sini yang membezakan kita dengan yang lain. jika ada yang rasa terbeza, minta maaflah tapi itu bukan salah kitorang. teringat Faiz :') baik budaknya. kenang budi pulak tu. sampai sekarang panggil aku cikgu, padahal aku bukan ajar apa sangat pun. yang selalu ajar dia tu lagilah, dah tahap tok guru kot hahah. kesungguhan dia nak belajar and kawan ngan kita, memang respect ah.
tetiba teringat masa aku kena chicken pox dulu! haha siot gila bila satu kelas membincangkan parut kat muka aku dan cara-cara menghilangkannya. dah jadi topik sekelas dah. tak sah sehari korang tak tegur en, sabar jelah. nasib baik sekarang dah takde, kalau tak setiap kali tengok cermin aku teringat petua-petua korang. dahlah dak-dak bio yang menyebarkan chicken pox epidemic bermula dengan Iman, pastu aku, Fuzz dan disudahi dengan Peqah. macam-macam.
AB Family
ahhhh the photoshoot! untuk school magazine. terima kasih semua orang sebab buat komitmen yang susah nak dapat, semua stayback, semua bawak apa yang perlu, semua main peranan, semua cool cilek gila ah. thanks for cooperating with our crazy ideas yu guiseeee :'D
dah setahun lebih baru kau nak buat post ucapan terima kasih? eh sekati aku laaaah!
jeng jeng jeng
AWWWW HAHAHA AWWWWW
ceritanya bermula apabila kitorang semua dibahagikan kepada beberapa family dan setiap family yang ada seorang suami, seorang isteri dan dua, tiga orang anak perempuan mempunyai tema memasing. adam ni macam tau pulak kan aku mahu tapi malu, bila orang tanya dia nak siapa jadi bini dia, dia nak aku weyy AKU AHAHAHHA OK LEK AMA LEK. well it's a general knowledge kot that he was my first crush. haruslah aku teruja haha i so winnnn
tapi aku takdelah gelak gedik camni, aku lek je, cool. padahal dalam hati tiada siapa yang tahu. the 10-year-old girl in me was blushing like a tomato and jumping to the moon with excitement ya nooo. tapi aku segan nak beraksi bagai. memandangkan photographernya Aijugheen, saje je suruh kitorang bermesra depan kamera. awkward gila. dahlah tahap kemesraan pulak overrr. mengada awak ni tau Ai *pssst thanks memahami rakanmu yang malu-malu kucing ni* lolololol
penangan Adam haritu sampai Fuzz siap menangis jeles, eh Fuzz? Alolo rasa bersalah pulak kita :( padahal orang tu time tu dah ada pakwe awww haha nak jugak first crushku itu jadi crushmu. dak-dak perempuan lain pun dah mengipas-ngipas tangan. bila aku malu nak beraksi lalu dorang offer diri dorang ganti aku jadi 'isteri' adam, terus aku pun kfine meh camera baktang hahaha
tapi sirius lah Dam. kau hensem gila hari tu. budak perempuan kelas jeles ngan aku. tapi apakah tahap blur engkau bila kitorang kata "Adam, tolonglah, tolonglah jangan buat camtu, jangan tolong" kau membalas "apa weh? kenapa?" pffft. jangan pakai macam tu lagi ok, ok? exploded ovaries everywhereee
sehari pun jadilah kan :"""")
ok sejak bila post ni jadi kisah Adam dan Ama hahaha. baiklah. berikut adalah keluarga lain. keluarga aku, kalau korang tak perasan lagi, temanya ialah ala-ala loaded gituwww
Rock Band Family
Geng Surau Family
Ala-Ala Kampung Family
Baywatch Family HAHA
MCR Fandom Family
behind the scene
and hundreds and hundreds of memories captured in pictures
Running while holding hands with each other
bila sukan tara, kita biar kelas lain buat dulu. kita last-last. sebab kebanyakan daripada kita bukanlah dilahirkan untuk jadi atlit, oleh itu kita berpakat untuk jalan, i repeat, JALAN bersama-sama berpegangan tangan atas trek. serius takleh blah. nampaklah setiakawan di situ.
tapi macam biasalah, bila dah 3..2...1... prettttt nak taknak mesti terlari jugak. akulah tu hahaha. bukan lupa kawan ke apa tapi sebab aku tengok semua orang lari, aku larilah jugak. tetiba terlaju, terkedepan pulak. lalu aku pandang belakang tengok orang lain, tunggu dorang kemudian lari sama-sama pegang tangan. comel tak kitowang hehe. tapi comel lagi Mai yang lari berapa tapak je, berhenti kemudian pusing jalan patah balik haha you didn't try at all maaaaaiiii!
masa Larian Serentak 1Malaysia, lagilah. kita antara yang terakhir kat belakang. bukan sebab belum pape dah pancit, tapi sebab taknak mencuba pun so satu kelas jalan je sembang hahaha apa nak jadi ni gurlzzzzz. aku dengan beberapa orang adalah lari sikit, sebab nak cepat sampai tak sanggup kot jalan slow-slow camtu lagi penat rasanya. cikgu yang tengok pun penat. menang tanpa tandingla kitorang.
dahlah sampai lambat, duduk tengah-tengah jalan pulak tu sebab penat sangat
Going to McD after every test and exam
dah macam ritual. macam sambutan setiap kali ujian. walaupun penat-penat panas-panas jalan sume tapi berbaloi bila dapat jalan reramai, gabung meja, makan reramai, buat cam mekdi sendiri. ingat lagi, Fafai ajar makan fries dengan ice-cream haha apakah ituuuu. tapi bila try, boleh tahan jugak rupanya resepi dia ni.
eh masa orang tengah boikot pulaklah tetiba Keretapi nak buat iklan mekdi kat sini en, maaf maaf
Watching movies, laughing out of context at ridiculous scenes and plots, laughing in unison
bila dak-dak AB pegi tengok wayang, tahulah anda bahawa pengalaman anda menonton kali itu tidak akan tenang. sebab kitorang akan duduk reramai satu row tengah-tengah buat kelompok sendiri, dan bukan dalam keadaan diam ye, bukan. kalau ada babak yang patutnya tak kelakar tapi cam mengarut atau lawa, kitorang akan gelak. walaupun cover tapi bapak mengganggu orang lain yang nak fokus sebenarnya hahaha kalau aku jadi orang lain tu memang aku dah baling botol dah kat budak-budak ni.
pastu kalau babak sedih, ok memang hampir semua diam mengsobsobkan diri. kalau ada kecelaruan, sorang akan tanya pastu sorang lagi terangkan. ingat panggung ni rumah ke apa hah?! tapi best doh hahah. ingat Nur Kasih? gelak gila-gila. ingat Ombak Rindu? pergi lepas hantar buku teks kat sekolah. nangis gila-gila lol.
we were being really inappropriate laughing like crazy when other people were feeling feeling hahaha
When we look back now Will our jokes still be funny? Will we still remember everything we learned in school? Still be trying to break every single rule
Alang-alang langgar peraturan, biar sampai ke bilik pengetua terus
this was our unintended motto. we broke the rule twice, and we got caught twice -_- apakah badi ini?! memang budak baik ke kami asal buat jahat sikit je terus kena tangkap tsk. padahal orang lain lompat pagar bagai tak kena pape pun tsk. ok setakat bawak fon semua tu biasalah, tapi kalini kes lain sikit.
citenya camni. dua-dua kali kitorang kena tangkap tu, sebab kitorang ponteng bacaan yassin yang setiap hari jumaat ada tu. wah jahil gila ke kemain nak buat jahat pun terus skip yassin. wuwu bukan camtu. camni dengarlaaa. eh bacalaaa. ok aku nak cerita kali kedua je, sebab yang ni best sikit.
pagi tu hujan lebat, jadi sebagai antara orang terawal yang datang sekolah, aku pegilah naik kelas terus dengan dorang yang datang awal jugak. nak lepak mana lagi kan. ingat takde yassin. sekali bila dah rilek, tetiba dengar orang mula baca. dalam kelas tu ada lebih daripada separuh budak perempuan, termasuklah pengawas DAN PENOLONG KETUA PENGAWAS. dahlah si pkp ni yang mastermind. sebab bila kitorang dah cuak "weh nak turun ke tak weh cepatlah!" si pkp dengan cool tutup pintu dan kata "takyahlah". jeng jeng jenggg. apakah yang menyebabkan beliau bertindak sedemikian?
mungkin sebab sebelum tu, bukan kitorang je yang ada dalam kelas. budak kelas lain pun menyorok jugak eleh camlah aku taktauu. tapi bila pengawas datang, semua keluar bajet memang nak turun surau, siap cakap kat kitorang "weh korang turunlah weh" hekelehhh wat lek sudaaah. kp datang. memang ada sedikit tension sebenarnya antara kp dan kami. jadi bila dia suruh aku turun, aku cam "aku taklehlah". dia cam "ye ke". aku cam "nak cek?" aku pun memang panas sikit ngan dia sebenarnya, sebab tu aku selamba je cakap camtu. then adalah babak berlaku antara pkp dengan kp. pkp ni memang dah lama pendam agaknya, sebab tu terus dia buat keputusan memberontak taknak turun surau, kunci pintu tutup tingkap semua dengan kitorang sekali terperangkap dalam tu hahaha.
kitorang duduk atas kerusi dengan senyap.... cuma beberapa orang mintak disenyapkan ke apa aku taktaulah. sorang pengawas bukak tingkap pandang surau kat bawah masa pengawas lain ada dekat bilik pengawas blok sebelah. pastu selamba badak air keluar kelas sebab nak gi toilet, aku ngan kawan aku time tu dah maki dah haha "wth wey! masuk la balik time nilah nak kencing segalaaa" pastu ada sorang seret kerusi. sorang lagi berjalan seret kaki. sorang lagi time tu lah nak buat add math selak-selak buku. kau tau tak dalam keadaan yang patut sunyi tu, bunyi macam tu digandakan dua puluh lima kali lagi kuat?
ok. dengar yassin kat bawah dah habis. selamat. tak lama lagi naiklah dorang sume. fuh.
sekali ada ceramah lah pulak. ceramah untuk ramadhan rasanya. dem. kitorang salu salah pilih timing nak buat jahat. first time haritu masa nak exam. second time ni pulak masa nak bulan puasa. insaflaaah.
inilah permulaan episod pelarian kitorang.
lama sikit, ingat situasi terkawal. tapi mula dengar bunyi tapak kaki.... omg terus turun daripada kerusi sembunyi bawah meja. dengar lagi.... omg terus semua merangkak pergi tepi dinding. cuba bayangkan sekarang keadaannya. pastu diam seketika... ok dorang dah blah kot, mungkin pengawas tu round je. fuhh... tetiba dengar pintu kelas sebelah dibuka OMG KORANG DIAM SEKARANG MELEKAT TEPI DINDING OMG OMG JANGAN GERAK JANGAN BERNAFASSSS. time tu semua cuak gila tau tak. ada sorang tu menyorok bawah kerusi sambil bukak buku tebal fizik aku dah cam MY GOD TAULAH RAJIN TAPI BOLEH TAK TANGGUH DULU TAK KENA MASA NAK STUDY LAAAAAH. stress aku dengan Ai duduk kat dinding sebelah-sebelah.
bila rasa selamat, kitorang bisik-bisik. kasi arahan kat orang lain suruh diam atau kitorang sembang sesama kitorang. kitorang cakap barulah faham perasaan Osama, Saddam sume jadi pelarian bila sembunyi camni. aku tak ekzejeret. cuak tahap cipan. aku cakap kalau aku jadi doranglah, memang tak hidup lama sebab dalam kelas ni ada yang baru berapa saat sembunyi dah kena tembak mati sebab takde survival skill langsung. ade ke time ni la nak kencing nak study nak bersin bagai. pastu kitorang gelak hahahaha.
tapi betul. kalau korang ada kat situ pun korang akan gelak sebab keadaan tu sendiri. semua melekat terduduk tepi dinding kiri kanan cam cicak beratur dah rupanya, dengan ada yang terperosok bawah mejalah apelah. adoi. pecah perut.
then dengar dorang jalan luar kelas kitorang..... tepi dinding sebelah aku..... dan..... dorang cuba bukak pintu kelas belakang yang berkunci dari dalam. omg time ni dah pejam mata dah tadah tangan berdoa ya Allah tolong tobaaaat betapa ironiknya di situ untuk orang yang ponteng yassin hahaha. pintu belakang sebenarnya boleh je bukak daripada luar. tapi budak kelas kitorang je yang tau camne. dorang tolak, tarik. aku dah cam matimatimatimatimati. pastu dorang blah. eh? fuh.....
tetiba pintu tu terbukak! OMG. sekali Mai masuk. mai tadi awal-awal dah turun surau, alhamdulillah..... WTH MAI KENAPA YOU MASUK CUBA KALAU DORANG NAMPAK ASDFGHJKL semua cuak. "i nak ambik air je" wah ingat ngan muka innocent you tu boleh buat orang rilek ar?! last-last Mai kata baik kitorang kuar je. sebab pengawas-pengawas tu tau kita ada kat dalam. dorang cakap kalau cikgu naik, lagi takleh lari. baik kuar sekarang dan lari awal-awal. ujar Mai sirius.
tetiba siapa tah cakap, Ai ke sape tah "dahlah dalam kelas ni sekarang ada dak-dak top batch. awak, si Nad lagi, eh Nad dah keluar gi toilet tak balik-balik (HAHA), muni, farah sume lagi" pastu aku pun mengiyakan "haahlah weyyy kalau kena tangkap camne apa cikgu cakappp" terus aku sambung doa dan biarkan keputusan terletak di tangan pkp kita, Murnie haha.
tetiba pintu diketuk dengan begitu ganas sekali bagai digoncang taufan yang bernama.... Cikgu Tuuut. OMG. tapi time tu semua dah pasrah menyerah. KELUAR SEKARANG JUGAK SAYA TAU KAMU ADA DEKAT DALAM KELUAAAAAR. Murnie sebagai mastermind membuka pintu. habeh ah habeh ah mati mati demmit. bila keluar je sengsorang cikgu tampar kat belakang, tapi itu tak sesakitnya rasa bila beberapa orang dakwa mereka nampak muka puas hati kp yang berdiri di sebelah cikgu waktu tu.
kitorang pun beramai-ramai turun tangga dan boleh pulak nampak ada budak-budak laki intai dari celah toilet laki. siot. yang ni tak kena tangkap pulak?! memang korang aim kitorang jelah kan?! personal vendetta apakah ini?!
sampai surau. duduk kat luar sebab dalam pun dah penuh, memang tak dapat dengar. alang-alang, pergi belakang sekolah reramai melepaskan api kemarahan yang membara. teringat lagi kita gelak-gelak lepas geram sambil buat rancangan jahat. gelak-gelak jugak bila mereka yang melekat di dinding bertentangan mula buka cerita.
kat kelas aku, ada tingkap rongak tau. tingkap tu kat belah aku menyorok. jadi bila pengawas yang round tu jalan luar kelas aku, sebenarnya dah ada eye contact antara dia dengan budak yang duduk setentang dengan aku. hahahah tapi nak buat camne kan. sorang pengawas yang terlibat tu tinggi. dorang nampak dia (kot) raba-raba bahagian atas pintu kelas yang berjaring. pastu kitorang bayangkan (ok lupa ni bayangan atau betul-betul terjadi) yang kp, sebab tak setinggi itu, tarik kerusi dari kelas sebelah untuk berdiri atas kerusi tu dan intai kitorang di sebalik jaring tu hahahaha pastu kitorang bayangkan komen yang untuk burnkan dia nanti "tak sampai ye bang?", "sedap telan habuk bang?" lolololol kejam. maaf k, kp. kah.
masa rehat, kitorang rehat sekali dengan pengawas. ah kesah hape aku. alang-alang dah buat salah, memang mood aku time tu mood cari pasal. aku dengan Ai, Fuzz semua usha hot je kp dan tentera birunya. tapi senyum. mata macam nak bunuh orang tapi bibir manis je menguntum senyuman sweet tak. lalu sebelah dia senyum. duduk makan bertentangan, tak alihkan pandangan. pastu kitorang cakap ape tah, dalam nada perli. dia pun balas. dan aku pun balas sekali. tapi lupa apa.
awww memori. mohon ampun ye semua, pengawas terlibat dan kp. lalalalaaa
cikgu kelas kitorang ialah cikgu fizik kitorang. masa fizik kitorang cite kat dia pastu dia gelak je, cakap "hahaha padan muka korang," cool ennnn. tetiba puan pengetua ketuk pintu. ogodwaai. dengan penuh keibuan (ya pengetua kitorang paling motherly dan sweet dan baik dan lembut dan pemurah dan supportive dan memahami sila jeles) dia kata siapa yang tak turun baca yassin tadi, sila ikut dia ye.
kitorang pun ikutla.... sampai bilik pengetua homagosh. dia suruh tulis nama dalam buku rekod. aku dengan positifnya kata bukannya selalu pun nama ada dalam buku pengetua hua hua biarlah cipta sejarah sikit sebelum habis sekolah. kitorang tulis nama siap ada smiley bagai, tak silap aku last-last tulis kitorang mintak maaf kot. bebudak tu siap nak conteng 'bakal straight a' or something kat nama aku "janganlah woiiiiii!"
pengetua tanya, siapa mastermind ni? takde siapa mengaku atau menuding jari, tapi kami semua masing-masing took the responsibility. cakap takde sape, semua rela, salah kitorang semua. awww. nampak tak setiakawan kat situ? PADAHAL MUNI TAU KETUA KONSPIRASINYA HAHA. muni cakap memula dia nak ngaku, tapi dah semua orang took the blame dia pun senyap je la. yela, memang salah sendiri pun. takde sape paksa kau duduk dalam kelas tu. masing-masing dah besar kan. nampak kematangan di situ.
pastu ustaz siap masuk. ustaz ngan pengetua tanye kenapa kitorang buat camtu, sebab pelik. kelas AB, bukannya kelas lain nak buat perangai macam-macam. tak pernah terjadi. ade masalah ke ape. wah prihatinnyeee. pastu dorang cakap lagi, dorang kena jugak jumpa kitorang sebab budak lain yang kena tangkap tadi, kena rotan. pastu tanya "habis dak AB tu camne?" kan dah nampak sedikit pilih kasih di situ. tapi kitorang takdela kena rotan, sebab kata AB kan. boleh pikir sendiri. sebelum ni tak pernah buat pun, tetiba haritu gatal. camtu camtu je. pengetua pun paham, dia kata tetiba ye nak habis sekolah nak dekat SPM ni nak langgar peraturan. cool gila pengetua. love you muaaah.
The Biru Book
sejak sekolah rendah aku ada tradisi buat buku camni. masa darjah 6, masa form 3, wajiblah masa form 5 pun ada. tapi dah lumrah jadi aku, semua buat last minute. benda ni masa orang sibuk nak SPM lah aku sibuk suruh orang tulis. pulak tu taknak sehelai dua, mintak lima helai terus. amboi demand. tapi sebab dak-dak AB ni pun menyayangi aku sepertimana aku menyayangi mereka (haha jangan muntah) dorang pun tulis panjang-panjang, siap bermakna beremosi lagi. A+ saya kasi untuk persahabatan kita kayyy.
serba sedikit dari buku biru AB itu
awww Adam suka buat aku blushing sengsorang :3
syuhada, berjaya aku lembutkan gangster ini sampai menitis air matanya. muka biar ganas, tapi dalam hati ada taman. syuhada kawan aku sejak tadika, comel kan haha. macam-macam zaman aku dah tempuh, dialah saksi. dia ingat lagi pulak tu, siap tulis dalam buku ni kenangan sejak sekolah rendah awww.
this is Diena's. the first person who wrote in this book. kerana dirimu begitu berharga <3 p="p">
Murnie yang selalu jual mahal dengan aku bila aku bermanja akhirnya mengsweetkan dirinya :')
dan siapa lagi kalau bukan Peqah! banyak Peqah tulis dalam ni yang buat aku gelak macam ape tah, siap lukis bagai. orang lain yang baca pun gelak. Peqah punya sense of humour sangat awesome i tell ya. i love you Peqah, classmate for 5 years :')
AB House
ya Allah i miss this moment so much. sometimes i reread this post and restalk the pictures, just because :")
:""""")
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for good friends ya Allah. Alhamdullilah for good times. not that the bad ones didn't exist, but these moments and people made it all worth it and bearable :')
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us around? Will these memories fade when I leave this town I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
i believe we can still stay friends even if we don't talk just as much as we used to, everyday about everything. we all know we have our own lives to live, but whenever we can, we will pick up our friendship just like how we leave it. nothing will be lost, nothing will change.
As we go on We remember All the times we Had together And as our lives change Come whatever We will still be Friends Forever
.jpg)
.JPG)
