Flying Off #2: Farewell Friends

since i don't think anyone would be eager to read my life story and in this case my road to UK, so i'm writing it at my own pace... can ah? can. nobody wants to read it, but i do. the sole purpose of me blogging now is so i can read my own blog. ~very da vain~ ~narcissistic much~ ~syok sendiri~ what's that? eh suka hati akula. banyak sebab kay baca blog sendiri. tu la orang taktau. ce muhasabah sikit. hm. ok so since my own pace is one thats hella slow, i'm blogging about things which happened like, three months ago. heh. it's not how fast you go, as long as you do not stop. lulz.

did you know, that i actually had doubts about flying? dahlah sekolah rendah lagi dah berangan stadi obesi. dahlah cuba berusaha sejak dulu masa orang tak kisah pasal masa depan kau dah kisah sangat. dahlah malas tahap apa i no kid you but yes i struggled despite the kemalasan with the help of nescafe, last minute adrenaline rush, genetic composition LOL, miracles, luck, and alhamdulillah sister, doa. dahlah kawan-kawan dan cikgu-cikgu pun tau kau nak fly dan nak kau fly. dahlah masuk intec yang buat hidup tunggang langgang dari segala segi tapi berjaya keluar dan masih hidup. dahlah keputusan pun lepas masa orang lain berjuang untuk dapat peluang lepastu boleh pulak nak ragu-ragu jadah. dahlah dahlah dahlah infinity. jadi tau tak tahap mengarut dia camne bila boleh pulak nak fikir dulu nak fly ke tidak?

pebendala ama.

sampai mak aku pun kata, Allah pun konfius dengan budak ni. dulu mintak kemain, sekarang Aku dah kasi taknak pulak? hahaha. mama pun tak benti doa sejak dulu. aku pun. dua doa sejak kecik yang konsisten: 1. untuk mama 2. untuk dapat the best result in every test and exam in order to study overseas. and after everything won and lost, i dared to have doubts? hahAHAHah.

tapi ma, rasa berat nak pergi ni pun sebab mama jugak salah satunya. i legit asked if ma felt berat hati to let me go, i wouldn't. because before i went to mrsm, which was what i also wanted since forever and i was only 13 to want something that much since my version of forever, i felt berat hati and ma apparently felt the same thing. then tadaaa, i left mrsm 7 months later. but ma seemed to be at ease this time. despite makcik-makcik's and pakcik-pakcik's doubts about mama letting me go, mama didn't have any doubt. so shouldn't i.

another thing is, i didn't feel i deserve it. when i want something, i must get it. once i get it, i don't feel i deserve it. afraid to rejoice. fear that bad things will take place. the classic case of feeling undeserving. as always. i still don't deserve it. but Allah is still the Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim. it's not just about flying, it's about... um, some other things as well. which i had always wanted, and i finally got it. but i kept asking, why?

"Kenapa tetiba kita dapat semua yg kita nak?"
"Sebab ama dah lama tak dapat apa yg ama nak."
:')

Just have faith. As always.


Don't worry too much ama, the future is the future. whatever will happen in the future should not influence what happens now, just as what happened in the past shouldn't. live in the moment!

and i've never been much of a living in the moment kind of person. well except when i'm procrastinating and become blind to the consequences of my action, or inaction if you may. but the rest of the day, i'm always living in either the past, or the future. like now. the past disappoints me and the future excites me, and i'm always living in between. but thats not for this post.

i told myself to accept whatever that will come, and for now my chance came. so i accepted it :)


the photos for this post are of me and my friends in our little farewell get together :")

Hari Hipster

the first one was with C1 Chicks. geli tak? geli sebab nama tu aku yg bagi. hakhakhak. good friends, good food, good place to take pictures, good looking waiter... what else not to love about Lapis Cafe? dahlah lama gila duduk situ pastu bising pastu bergambar sakan. nasib baik tak kena halau.

thanks melah, peqah, nawa, hajer, wani :) thanks melah sebab kasi Amalina's Survival Kit yang comel comel sangat isinyaaa. masa kasi tu melah yang sebak, lulz. pastu masa balik pun peluk peluk melah sebak lagi. because it was the last time i saw them, or so i thought. but for those yang belajar jauh, memang the last time lah. bye :')

you girls went to boarding schools, leaving me alone. now i'm going to uni, leaving you, still alone too. pray for me :( since form 1 till 5ever!

but before that,

HAHAHAH

this is what it means by growing mature (girly) together. haz and i killing time because we arrived like, hours early. which was no problemo because we spent an hour in the car being bimbos. just us girls turning up the radio, trying on make up, taking selfies and stuffs. 

it wasn't obvious because we were going for the natural look... ok... we tried...

OK IT WASN'T EVEN MAKE UP! HAPPY?!

then peqah and wani joined us in, as haz called my blue baby, 'kereta bimbo ama'.

before that aktiviti berbimbo dibawa ke luar dengan meminum Boost (bukan booze) sambil mendengar girl talk wani. jarang jumpa. setahun adalah dua kali purata. sekali jumpa terkeluar semua cerita hahah. sebagai ama, gua dengar je dan tolong bantu mana boleh :3

tapi ama juga perlukan bantuan. dalam kereta bimbo ama inilah ama dapat tahu yang sebenarnya apa dia buat selama ini salah!!! :O ogod what have i done, said ama to herself... sepatutnya... tak patut. tak patut ama guna sabun badan untuk sabun muka. hahahaha. all the girls be like "amaaa!! kenooot! rosak kulit muka nanti! stahppp! nooo!" mana la aku tau??? or aku tau. tapi takdela ambik serius. taula nak cuci muka kena guna pencuci muka. tapi selama ni aku guna sabun badan je ok wat... taktaula pulak tak boleh sampai begitu sekali. ya. sebenarnya aku cuci muka masa mandi dengan sabun badan, sue me. kalau aku cuci muka bebetul guna pencuci muka pun, adala seminggu sekali. dua, tiga kali kalau rajin. kalau tak memang main redah je. lecehla kena cuci muka hari-hari, tahu? sabun jela sekali masa mandi? kan cam baby. hakhakhak.

aku rasa aku pakai cream dengan compact powder pun dah cukup effort. toner, moisturizer, pebenda tah lagi tu semua... malas la k. malas. ada orang lagi la kuar rumah tak pakai pape. i mean, tak pakai pape kat muka. hm. tahla, aku rasa tak selamat letak macam-macam kat muka. untuk kebaikan kulit pun, chemical jugak semua tu. ke camne? ke aku taknak muka teruk bila tua nanti sebab pakai bebenda tu, tapi sebenarnya muka akan jadi teruk sebab tak pakai? argh dilemma. lulz.

somebody research this for me please. by research i mean get in the lab and experiment it yourself :3

then i met these girls at school :)

 

i was at school to see my teachers, and ah. it felt good. to talk to them, and thank them. sat in the lab and ate at the canteen with the girls like the old days. at first we thought it was going to be our last time seeing each other, so this was like the goodbye hugs. they were going somewhere without me sobs. i had to go shopping right after that for things to wear on the next day: the pre-departure program. we had to wear what we'd wear on the day we'd fly off, uuuuu. lol.

a few times they asked me betul taknak ikut ni? they even told diena to go with me hahaha sebab, kamon ar, jumpa sekejap je?? aizureen pun macam, takkan camni je??? takpela, i said. you girls just go. if you come with me or i come with you nanti gelabah terkejar-kejar pulak tak dapat enjoy pun. bye, toleh belakang pandangan terakhir sambil sambung menapak ke bilik guru :')

but who were we kidding. then i got a text from aizureen. so we went out on another day.

kalini puas la sikit, dapat makan-makan, gossip-gossip, sembang-sembang...

dan aku takkan lupa soalan pejah "panjang ke pendek?"

HAHAHAHAHAH I COULD CRYYYY OMG PEJAH PLS

dah habis makan-makan, gossip-gossip, sembang-sembang kat kl festival city, balik sambung pulak kat wangsa walk. hahahah kan aku dah kataaa muka kitorang ni pegi la mana pun, last-last wangsa walk jugak tempat kembali. wwm sentiasa di hati.

time ni ada aizureen, diena dengan aku je. sembang kat kafe sampai malam. ni sembang serius. sembang masalah hidup selama tidak lagi hidup bersama ni. sembang hal stress tapi gelak sampai hilang nafas. dalam beberapa jam, sempatlah disimpulkan walaupun tak semua. walaupun tak macam dulu. tapi jadilah. rindu :')

Siang gelak2. Malam deep. Cuba bukak cerita dua tahun dalam beberapa jam. Tak dapatla kan, tapi puas. Dengar cerita kawan yg dah lama tak dengar cerita, yg dulu masa sekolah hari2 tu jelah keje kita. Kat kelas sembang, kat lab sembang, stayback sembang, online sembang, bila je tak berborak cuba cakap. Sampai keje tak siap hahaha. Rindu.

You guys gave me the best last memories of high school. You were there when i thought i was all alone. Who would have thought we'd be friends like we were after our friends were gone. Who knew we'd share secrets and stories like we did. thank you :)

yes, i have two different groups of friends from high school, and they're all the best. different people in different phases, with different me and different stories, but i love them just the same. friends from high school, there's just something about them. or something about you, the old, younger, different you. that makes the friendships worth your ego, worth the pain. because sometimes it can't be all rainbows, there's gotta be a little rain. it's worth it.

enough friends for a lifetime :)

Amalina's Survival Kit: you and your prayers ;)

Trivial vs Trial

if you did that one thing differently, if you took the chance right in front of your eyes, imagine what could have been. just imagine. now imagination is all we have.

look up. look straight. look ahead. that's all it takes. one second of recognition. but no, of course you don't do that.

and tonight, i went extra mile just to not be seen by somebody, and just to see somebody. you would go any mile when you're running away from something, and running after something. life is hard when expectation isn't aligned with reality. however unrealistic, just do what makes you happy. at least you are happy. however simplistic. because there are many other things that weigh you down, however heavy, however deep. so what's wrong with looking for a bit of feeling light and being high?

after miles and miles, in the end there's a friend with whom you don't have to hide, you don't have to pretend.

  

uncensored cut version of our separate conversations.
from tonight and some other night.
yeah, he's my friend. a good one.

we don't do this often, unlike in senior year, but when we do talk privately and personally, i feel like i have a guy friend again. a real one. well, at least not the forbidden friendship kind. imagine letting someone see much of your real self you don't reveal to most people but you can't even be seen together in real life. that one's tough, this one's easy. he always tries to understand my situations even when his are way different, and that's cool. that's awesome even. we've only been friends for four years. wait, no, that's actually a long time considering the circumstances. i can't even keep a friend for two years nowadays. people fight, people fall apart. he and i fought and fell apart once too, but not really, but kinda, but i understood his situation back then. now here we are. we actually still talk. whenever he posts random irrelevant sarcastic shits on my posts. whenever he pm me for real life issues or just for "hey how are you". we still talk. real talk, superficial talk. just talking is good enough for me, because honestly, i've stopped expecting anything from anybody.

on a different note, i'll be sitting for a-level trial in one day.

okay.

Girl Friends and Bestfriendzone

what people must understand about me is sometimes i can be so distant. and i'm so sorry about that. bukan sebab aku menyampah or marah ke apa. ok mungkin itu motifnya pun hik hik. tapi kalau rasa kau takde buat salah ngan aku tetiba je ama ni mendiamkan diri memencilkan diri menjauhkan diri, maka ketahuilah dikau yang aku bukan tengah menjadi ama emo, aku tengah menjadi... ama. ama. just ama.

"i'm harry. just harry." awww my bby's reaction when he was told he was a wizard!

ok kembali ke bumi.

serious ah. aku rasa bersalah. so i'm so sorry. it's nothing personal, it's just how i am with people :(

tak caye ce tanya my hajerah pajero. it took YEARS to be like that with her. it took YEARS to call her my best friend. during those YEARS, ce tanya dia mesti dia hadapi benda yang sama ken ken bebi? even now pun kengkadang dia akan hantar mesej berbunyi lonely seperti "ama awak tak rindu kita ke" hahahaha. kengkadang aku pun hantar mesej berbaur kurang perhatian camtu. i guess what we have in common is we sometimes love to be left alone, so dia paham aku aku paham dia. loner for life! lulz. tak all the time nak together. kami tak clingy. laki tak suka pompuan clingy, wink. pompuan tak suka laki clingy, wing lagi. tapi dia dah tak ebelebel so i guess there's only me now hahaha k diam.

ok hajer this is not a post for you.... not yet :3

so i hope some people can understand that. it's not that i'm forgetting you, or putting you in the back seat, or not appreciating you, but this is just how i am... lol post lepas cakap pasal masalah kawan ngan laki post ni cakap pasal masalah kawan ngan pompuan pulak. apa je kau buat yang tak masalah hah ama?! sobs.

aku ngan hajer pon, i guess we're closer now than ever. like time brings us closer even when distance pulls us apart. ngan kawan lain pon, i am more sentimental, affectionate, loving, jiwang, geli, cinta dan kasih sayang, apabila kami sudah tidak bersama atau sudah bersama untuk masa yang lama. i take it slow, bro. not like you, desperado kah kah k. sumpah ni memain tak cakap sal sesape janganla ada yg terasa T_T

this is Diena. i love you. very, very few people really, really know me and still understand and accept me, and one of them is you. you're one of those rare people who don't have to be in someone's shoes to feel them, sebab tu kita salu fefeling tugeder. that's why you're anything but judgemental and prejudice. and we can laugh like perempuan gila sesama weh over anything, sometimes i miss your laugh. we even laugh because we cry. my laugh and cry buddy since 2010. alhamdulillah, i'm glad i met you :'3 

sentimental, affectionate, loving, jiwang, geli, cinta dan kasih sayang kan :3

walaupun aku sentimental, affectionate, loving, jiwang, geli, cinta dan kasih sayang pun takdelah aku nak tunjuk sekarang. in fact i freak out kalau orang tunjuk kat aku. kecuali untuk beberapa pengecualian. tapi tu tak bermakna mereka bermakna lebih pada saya. itu hanya bermakna pendekatan saya berbeza-beza. eceh kemain kau ye.

aku rasa aku memang camtu. camne aku takkan mengaku aku suka laki walaupun dah obvious memasing tahu aku suka dia, camtu jugaklah aku takkan panggil pompuan best friend aku walaupun dah obvious semua tahu aku rapat ngan dia. gituwww. bukan takkan selamanya! tapi bila dah stabil tu, ha baru. aww. takdela belum pape dah bakal laki la bff la apa la. i keep it low, bro. learn from me yo.

bila dah lama tu, barula kita official hahah k geli.

speaking of dah lama baru official, ok it's official: i miss my old friends T________T

i miss my girls terribly. especially during sem break like this, you don't have new friends to be with you. so you're reminded of old friends. kawan sebaya, lebih tua, lebih muda. mulalah nak teringat zaman sekolah. mulalah nak baca blog post lama. mulalah nak stalk diri sendiri. mulalah scroll dinding fesbuk sampai lenguh jari. mulalah nak baca mesej lama. pastu gelak sengsorang terkenang. meroyan di depan komputer riba. YA ALLAH AKU RINDU KORANGLAH DENGAR TAK JERITAN BATINKU!

dulu cerita almost everything dekat diena and aijugheen kengkadang fuzz sekali and of course maaai. pagi-pagi kat tapak perhimpunan jumpa je dah bukak cerita. masa perhimpunan tu slow-slow je bisik, kengkadang tak slow pun lantaklah kelas sebelah nak dengar kau bukan tau aku cakap pasal sape haha. sampai time tengah berdiri nak nyanyi tu, boleh diri sebelah-sebelah sambung sesi berkongsi. masuk kelas, ada kelas tertentu macam english and kelas mak dia sendiri maths aijugheen akan pusing belakang sembang ngan aku selamba bada kitorang je. kat lab pulak dok semeja reramai pastu buka cerita bersama, tangan kat buku tak gerak-gerak pun cikgu datang tanya ha gelabah kau. tak cukup kat situ kita akan bawa hal berkenaan ke belakang kelas di mana ada lebih privacy, tak lupa ke toilet supaya emosi dapat ditonjolkan sambil cerita penuh perasaan. hari-hari update each other tentang drama hidup memasing. kami juga update each other tentang drama hidup sahabat lain sebab kami sahabat prihatin tsk haha. ya Allah rindu!

tapi sekarang..... nak cerita something tapi susah sebab a lot has been happening :(

so kengkadang end up cerita summary, atau langsung tak story :(

so sad la liddis :(

selain tu, ramai je sebenarnya yang ada satu point dalam hidup aku, aku rapat dengan dorang. jumpa mesej panjang-panjang bercerita macam-macam. tapi kalau point-point seterusnya tak rapat dah, takpe aku faham. i am grateful for that particular point. dapat kenal jap, dapat rapat jap, dapat berkongsi jap, dapat belajar jap, jap pun takpelah, asal ada pengalaman tu semua. aku tak kisah kalau kita fall apart, sebab takde kaitan dengan broken heart. kita just... terpisah. terjauh. bukan bermusuh, gaduh. people come and go, and life goes on. sedih memanglah ada sikit, tapi sedih yang sayu tu. sedih terharu.

macam terjumpa balik satu post ni haa, sweet tak aku dengan sahabat alam maya haha.

serious, aku tak kisah. dah lumrah :)


"my favourite kind of friendship is one where there’s a mutual understanding of the fact that we both have our own lives so we won’t be able to talk or hang out all the time but when we do talk or hang out it’s like picking up right where we left off"

i'm blessed with good friends. i'm lucky Alhamdulillah because i'm still friends with different circles of close friends in primary school, middle school and high school. we don't talk everyday like we used to, and that's okay. that's just life. as long as when we do, it feels like nothing has changed, like it was just yesterday :)

ok here are some names not in any order i will not say it again nor will i say it to you but i kinda miss the time being with and talking to diena aijugheen aisyah nawa wani fuzz melah pejah paten nad mai peqah ecah muni luqman loya kak nad kecik hmm ok dah tu je yang terfikir sekarang ni kalau tak terfikir it's because i'm forgetful liddat not that i forget you ok bai.

but apparently, i'm not as forgetful as i would like to be.

dalam mengenang benda manis tu terkenang jugaklah benda pahit. terjumpalah bukti menyakitkan hati. ya Allah aku taktau kenapa aku simpan benda pahit bukan jadi kenangan pun. tapi jadi jeruk, pekasam, racun! bila aku teringat mulalah berapi-api balik hati ni ya Allah. sumpah aku naaak sangat lupakan. aku dah maafkan. but honestly, it's forgive AND forget. it's not forgive OR forget. i can forgive but i can't forget, so when i'm reminded of what i'm supposed to forget, i remember, and i'm not sure whether i forgive or not. Allah siapalah aku susah nak maafkan. dosa aku lagi banyak gila pastu tau pulak harap Allah ampunkan.

bila dah macam ni lagi kita hargai sifat Tuhan Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyantun. sebab kita tau kita takkan capai tahap sepengampun sepenyantun itu. barulah lagi bersyukur, lagi berhati-hati.

tapi memang, aku bukan Tuhan.

salah dorang mungkin tak besar, nak banding ngan salah orang lain. dan percayalah, orang pernah buat salah dekat aku sampai aku kena pergi balai polis buat report, tapi tu cite lain. salah dorang, salah yang aku tak suka. yang aku terasa. salah yang diulang-ulang. salah yang tak rasa bersalah. salah yang jadi bahan jenaka. salah yang sengaja. mungkin pada dorang kecik, tapi sakit hati ni tak boleh diperkecikkan. takpelah, at least pengalaman ni ajar aku supaya take people's feelings seriously. kita taktau kesan perbuatan, percakapan, gurauan kita kat orang. orang mungkin tak tunjuk, tapi dalam hati dia kau dah kena maki berkali-kali.

so aku minta maaf kalau korang dah maki aku berkali-kali :(

dosa kita besar mana pun dengan Tuhan, Dia boleh ampunkan. dosa kita kecik mana pun dengan manusia, kalau dia tak mafkan macam mana?

mungkin macam mana aku ambik bertahun untuk bestfriendzone orang, macam tu jugak aku ambik bertahun untuk forgottenzone and forgivenzone orang. so selagi belum bertahun ni, maafkan aku sebab aku tak boleh forgive and forget completely.

i'm at a level yang kalau memori aku kuat and aku teringat, i go bitching about it on tumblr. 

teringat someone yang ambik masa bertahun untuk lupakan salah orang. mungkin aku macam dia.

tapi macam mana kita nak Allah ampunkan kita, macam tulah kita kena maafkan hamba-Nya, kan?

Cupcake Untuk Cikgu, Sesat Dengan Kawan

Masa aku dapat tau yang sekolah buat sambutan hari guru dua kali, aku rasa pebenda so lame pehal separuh-separuh hari ni. sesaat kemudian terus excited sebab dapat pegi sambutan hari guru! yeaaaay!

kalau tak sedih gak ah tak dapat pegi last week. first time tak pegi sambutan hari guru. before ni exam ke apa ke mesti pergi sebab sambutan best, nak tengok persembahan, nak enjoy dengan kawan.... eh and of course nak jumpa cikgu-cikgu nak minta maaf minta berkat ucap terima kasih semua :'D

oh btw if you miss teacher's day celebration because you choose to study, i'm judging you. taula tengah exam week. kalau kata sebab tak cukup study, ingat kitorang ni cukup sangat study sangat ke? padahal kalau hari lepak camni pun kau study, apatah lagi hari lain kan. yang tak gi sebab study ni la yg study hari-hari. patutnya dah terlebih cukup study dah tu, baikla datang sekolah minta cikgu redhakan semua ilmu semua salah kita. 

sekian, nasehat.

aku cadangkan buat cupcakes sesama untuk kasi cikgu-cikgu. aku serius. dorang setuju, cakap buat kat rumah aizureen. pastu aku cadangkan sleepover kat rumah aizureen untuk buat cupcakes tu. aku memain. sekali aizureen kata haa boleh siap semangat ajak reramai lagi pastu sanggup ambik kitorang sengsorang kat rumah. terkezut ai, ai jk je yu. tapi ajakan jangan ditolak sebab bukan salu dia baik camni hahaha. 

so rabu lepas kitorang pun memulakan misi.

misi prektis menjadi housewife mithali

"takpe faten, dorang tau apa nak beli. kita buat je tugas kita: 'mendokumentasi'"

dokumentasi bukan promosi diri

calon-calon isteri mithali insyaAllah hihihi

(ni baru promosi. eh)

kemudian balik rumah aijugheen. kalau dah namanya perempuan, bukan masuk dapur terus. er ke kitorang je pompuan camni. haruslah sesi catch up dulu, kata lama tak jumpa. last time last raya kot, masa pergi beraya rumah cikgu-cikgu. duduk baring golek-golek gossip dulu, ala ritual biasa perjumpaan sesama kita.

sampai turn aku, tersampai topik yang aku memang taknak sentuh: study. topik yang masa dorang sembang aku dah dok diam. aku taknak cakap pasal ni, sebab aku taknak tensi. tapi benda tensi tu lah bila kita dah sentuh, kita mesti tergali terus. terpaksa aku bukak cerita pasal final exam haritu. cerita yang aku tak bukak pun lagi kat blog ni. cerita pasal masa depan aku yang macam... ya Allah nauzubillah.

benda ni hari-hari singgah kat otak aku. stress fikir masa depan dan aku kalau stress, lagila satu apa pun tak jalan. terfikir sikit, sebab taknak fikir lagi, terus fikir benda lain yang takde kaitan dengan study. kalau aku macam emo je sekarang, inilah sebabnya. bukan sebab masalah cinta ke apa weh pelislah pelis. ni masalah yang aku kena hadap sendiri. takde knight in shining armour on white horse yang akan selamatkan aku. i'm not a damsel in distress. melainkan kalau laki tu tak kisah berbinikan dak pompuan yang tak habis a-level yang tak dapat fly sebab duit dia berkepuk pastu dia boleh tolong aku buat bisnes baju ke publish buku ke, atau laki tu boleh tolong aku fly pegi uk terus dengan kasi aku semua A*, haa barulah dia hero yang dinanti. kalau tak, aku kena selesaikan semua ni sendiri.

haish. dah tutup cerita.

kitorang buat red velvet. aku taktau pun nak buat cake apa sampailah masa kat giant tu dorang kata nak buat red velvet, okaaay. pernah buat tak? masing-masing tak pernah. takpe try... kita try....

cukupla kata yang benda berapa minit jadi berapa jam. pengajarannya kalau nak buat cupcakes untuk kasi orang buatlah apa yang kita pernah buat, yang biasa pun takpe janji konfem dah tau camne, dah tau rasa. sedap. cekelat ke apa ke, topping boleh buat macam-macam boleh tulis from AB FAMILY ke seperti idea asalku. comel. dan bila aku kata 2/3, maknanya betul lah 2/3. hahah 

apabila 7 anak dara masuk dapur. biarlah kita-kita je yang ingat apa jadi di dapur ye :'D

malam tu satu insiden terjadi. fazreen kan berjiran je dengan aizureen. masa dia nak balik tu dah pukul 12 malam. tak ni bukan cite hantu. so aku dengan diena temankan dia. malas nak bersiap sebenarnya, nak tukar baju lengan panjangla sarung tudungla. jadi aku dapat satu idea bernas. apa kata kita pakai towel je, towel kan lebar. kita pin je bawah dagu, pastu biar towel tu jatuh sampai tutup tangan. tak caya ce korang try. serupa ustazah yu.

hasilnya. tak semenggah.

kitorang teman dalam lif je. tapi kitorang taktau lif tu akan turun sampai bawah. omg tempat parking. omg janganlah bagi orang masuk nampak kitorang macam ni. pintu bukak, takde sapa. phewh. lega. tengah bebising lega la saspen la apa la tetiba kat G pintu bukak lagi, pastu ada dua orang laki. terus terdiam. aku rasa dorang pun pelik tengok kitorang, terus dorang tak tengok dah. aku time tu dah tahan gelak sambil rasa bersalah. pintu lif bukak je kat tingkat kitorang terus kitorang kuar melepasi dorang pandang bawah ala-ala gadis muslimah. pintu tutup terus gelak gegila hahah.

esoknya. baru senonoh sikit ha.

errr ye aku pakai baju semalam je. aku bawak satu baju lain dengan tudung kelabu ni, tapi aku lagi suka baju ni. selesa dan sedap :3 aku memang taknak pakai baju ni gi sekolah sebab cam over. tapi dorang sume cakap tang mana yang overnya, biasa je. aku masih rasa over. aku ada dilemma di mana aku selalu nak pakai baju comel, tapi taknak yang menarik perhatian, tak seswai dengan tempat, dan taknak overdress. nak gi sekolah je ponnn, tapi nak gi mid valley pastu so kalau over pun memang kena dengan situasi hehe. dorang kata baju ni okay je, so aku sarung je la. tapi pakai tudung kelabu instead of pink, untuk tone down keoveran.

sekian, nasehat fashion.

jangan risau aku pakai baju ni hari rabu tu dalam dua jam je. sampai rumah aijugheen terus tukar baju lain. odourless ya haha

esoknya sampai sekolah, rasa segan, nervous, teruja, nostalgic semua ada.

you know that feeling when you see the face of somebody who is happy to see you? who smiles and greets and hugs you? my friends and i had that today, seeing the faces of our school teachers after almost two years of not seeing them everyday. they are still where they are, while we the ex-students are going places. because they stayed, and taught us. thank you, dear teachers.

we went to school to meet the teachers but there's no picture with the teachers lulz. never mind i captured them in my heart  awww.

masa kasi cupcakes tu ayat penyedap hati kami ialah "cikgu, we made it with love and that's all that matters." sebab kitorang pun tak sempat rasa this batch of cupcakes yang jadi haha since buat cecukup 20 je. the first batch tu... sedap dah tapi tak berapa nak cupcake sangat lulz. cream cheese dia yang digabungkan dengan icing sebab nak buat topping comel pun taklah secomel yang dibayangkan. takpe, ikhlas ni ikhlas tsk.

best sangat dapat jumpa cikgu-cikgu. sebab aku pergi dengan AB pastu buat cupcake pun untuk cikgu AB, aku macam terlupa tentang cikgu lain so bila ternampak cikgu C1 aku macam terkejut pulak cikgu tu ada kat situ lolol. 

esp teacher patvinder, omg teruja sangat nampak dia. bapak terharu la tengok dia dah berumur pun masih mengajar (pass her pension age!), sejak zaman abang aku tu and abang aku pun dah tua kot. i know if there's anyone yang mengajar dengan penuh semangat dan keikhlasan, itu ialah teacher pat. dulu masa awal-awal ya rabb tuhan je tau macamana kitorang semua dengan dia. bila dah masuk form 3, bila dah habis sekolah ni, baru faham dia, terima dia, suka dia, sayang dia. siap bila aku prektis speaking test utk ielts, dapat tajuk pasal teacher, aku cakap pasal dia kot. tak silap aku dia pernah cakap kelas C1 da bez class dia pernah ajar eheh eheh kalau tak silaplaaa. mula-mula jumpa just salam sebab idk why dengan cikgu lain aku peluk terus je, pastu bila dah sembang jap and nak say goodbye salam lagi baru peluk pastu salam lagi sekali sambil tepuk-tepuk bahu semua. aww. nak ingat kenangan ngan cikgu sengsorang tak habis kot nanti post ni, tunggu hari guru tahun depan lak ihiks.

amboi dah duduk sama tinggi dengan cikgu-cikgu sekarang amboi

(oh rupanya camni rasa jadi senior ex-student yang datang sekolah pakai baju biasa masa hari guru hahaha)

dalam banyak-banyak cikgu, cikgu yang aku sembang paling lama ialah Cikgu Akmal, macam biasa hahaha. dahlah bersembang sambil berdiri. sembang-sembang termasuk pasal result spm last year. cikgu cakap bio takde A+, yang cikgu target pun tak dapat. aku cam "oh ye ke.... eh. uhuk uhukk" baru perasan pulak kan haha. aku cakap sorryla cikgu, tu memang sumpahan sejak tahun aku lagi. this year target A+ terbaru cikgu ialah jeng jeng jeng.... Nadia Sabrina! haha banyak akak dengan cikgu sembang pasal awak nadia :3

cikgu tanya lagi sekali "kenapa awak tak ambik medic eh?" pastu cikgu jawab sendiri haha "oh sebab awak suka belajar bio je..." aku sambung "saya rasa saya boleh belajar teori je cikgu, praktikal tak sanggup." cikgu cerita anak dia second year medic, tetiba rasa ragu-ragu boleh tak nak keje dalam hospital dengan orang sakit nak bedah manusia hidup semua. ha sebab tu la, aku awal-awal tau apa yang aku ragu-ragu dan apa yang aku pasti eceh. "saya pasti dengan psychology." dah sampai bab tu nak tak nak mesti termasuk pasal result pulak... taktau lagi. ok sem lepas. this sem... ah sudah banyak aku tercerita kat cikgu. sebelum ni dengan cikgu lain, aku kata "ok alhamdulillah." tak pandang mata. "fly insyaallah." tak pandang mata. kalini aku pandang mata cikgu, sebab memang takde apa aku tipu. 

keluar pasal economics segala. nadia, kalau awak taktau jawab kbkk 3 markah, akak taktau jawab kbkk 30 markah T____T Cikgu Akmal pulak pernah minor in social science subjects seperti psychology, economics, philosophy masa beliau stadi obesi dulu. so beliau taulah selok belok subjek camni dan faham kesusahan yg aku hadapi. dia kata otak aku memang otak science, sebab science aku strong. aku pun kata sebab aku dah terbiasa dengan pure science. pure science mungkin struggle dekat faham and hafal, tapi soalan senang. social science mungkin senang faham hafal, tapi struggle kat soalan. dia tau social science berkait sini sana kena tau segalanya, sedangkan pure science spot on and straightforward. once you hafal you're good to go. tp economics you faham and hafal but when you see the question and you have to analyse the situation all hell breaks loose.

cikgu akmal even after i told her about my difficulties in coping and how JPA is terminating people she still has faith in me. she said i just have to get to the point where i spin my brain sikit and it clicks with economics. she said we science students can do it. after that it's all gonna be easy. tapi masalahnya sekarang not what i'm gonna do about the future, but what i did for my future. otak aku tak klik lagi masa aku jawab final penentu segalanya haritu dan kalau dia klik sem depan pun macam dah terlambat je. haih. but she has faith in me. dia cakap "ama jangan buat muka takut. cikgu kenal muka tu." "ok tak takut dah" aku senyum. pastu beberapa saat kemudian cikgu marah lagi banyak kali dia cakap dia tak suka aku buat muka macam tu, dia tak suka aku fikir aku tak boleh semua. "tapi cikgu saya tau --" terus dia nak tampar aku hahaha

the teachers have faith in me, and that's one of my fears - of letting them know how am i at intec here. i don't want to disappoint them. i let one know, but she still has faith in me. that's something to smile about :")

ok cukup bersedihan.

kemudian kami ke mid valley! ingatkan masing-masing pernah drive sendiri pegi mid tapi....

cukupla cakap benda berapa minit jadi satu jam. hahaha. sesaaaaaat! aijugheen dah macam suami yang nampak lek tapi dalam hati cuak, pastu fazreen isteri yang gelabah bila salah jalan dan eksaited bila nampak signboard betul sambil kipas tangan jerit gelak pegangkan stereng segala haha serius macam laki bini.

nampak real tak haha

i look fat in the picture but for the sole purpose of showing how i look if i was tall i don't mind hehe. masa jumpa luqman the first thing he said "this is your definition of fat?" awww. you don't see what i see. "do you have muffins?" what now? "ni" he said sambil buat lipatan lemak kat perut haha. he called me anorexic which i'm obviously not. i would say i wish or i'm flattered to be thought thin enough to be anorexic but on second thought anorexia is a serious thing to joke about ya no. but i always know how he's serious when he says i'm not fat, not to be nice or anything. dia siap kasi tips on how to overcome jadi self-conscious self-critique camni, suruh aku bergaul dengan orang so aku tau how people look at me and it's not fat. 

"no people don't say i'm fat. it's just me. low self-esteem. i know i'm not fat but i'm chubby. do you remember how i looked like when i was in form 2 if you noticed me?"

"yeah you looked the same."

"what? no! probably now same, ye la but when i was in form 3 i lost like 10 kilos and now i've gained a few pounds --"

"what, like 0.5 pound?"

"no, banyak la so i'm worried i might be fat like i used to faham tak"

the real problem is not when you have a problem with people, but with yourself. but tq dude :'D

setelah sesat semua kelaparan tapi kena tahan lapar sikit lagi pastu senyum tak rela demi gambar ni

balik pun sesat lagi. aku and Diena nak gi wangsa walk so kitorang suruh aiju drop kat situ. pergila mana pun tapi balik-balik ke wwm juga destinasi kita. haritu pergi klcc dengan hajerah tapi balik singgah wwm jugak. kalau dah dak wwm tu memang dak wwm laaa haha. pada aku kalau setakat nak lepak sembang, makan, tengok wayang, karoeke, bowling wwm pun boleh. takyah nak gi jejauh melainkan memang ada tujuan lain yang wwm tak dapat tunaikan. melainkan kalau kau nak tangkap gambar kat entrance pavi jadi dak dak fountain, ha pegi la pavi. melainkan kalau pergi kinokuniya ke baru aku sanggup bersesak kat klcc. jangan pandang wwm sebelah mata, justin bieber pun pegi wwm kkk hahaha


sebagai anak dara yang malas keluar dan lebih gemar memerap di rumah, alang-alang keluar tu biar keluar terus. kitorang sebenarnya dah ngantuk gila masa tu, ngantuk tahap nak muntah tau. mana tak nya, malam sebelum tu tido pukul 4 pagi. sembang pasal hal perempuan berduaan dengan diena :3 dari duduk kat buaian tengok langit sampailah ke dalam bilik golek atas katil. banyak yang dicatchupkan diceritakan :3


tu pun tak puas lagi. nanti kita date kat tuti pruti ye yu :3



p/s: ada baki satu cupcake. masa balik baru rasa. plot twist: it was GOOD! all of it! the combination of the cheese frosting and sugar icing, kelembutan dan rasa kek tu sendiri, everything was SO GOOD. I WAS SERIOUSLY SURPRISED AND BLOWN AWAY. serious talk k. kbai.