The Line

i had an unusual dream.

in that dream i was in a building. i was moving around because i had chores to do or places to go, i don't know. but i was going from one place, one room, one floor to the other, i think. in the middle of it i found a black lady with a gun in her hand. distressed, she looked like somebody working in the building, because of her uniform - perhaps a cleaner. or used to be. i'm not sure what gave me the impression but i knew she had been sacked, and she was stressed out, and she was holding a gun because of that.

so, i, could have run. run away, run out of the building, for life's sake. because i knew something bad was going to happen. but for the life of me, my friends were in the building. people i know. i had to find them and i had to tell them about it. calling them didn't cross my mind at all. i probably could have used my phone later, out in the open or somewhere hiding in the shade, but come to think of it now it still seems wrong to leave them behind and warn them only when i was safe, right? so i stayed.

long story short, the lady came to where i was.

i hid under a table, at the corner of the area, but i knew it was no good. it was a table, not a cupboard. still, i took my chances. at first she didn't see me, she was looking right at me but i believe she didn't see me. then just when she had taken some steps further, she looked back, and she smiled. she was playing with me. she smirked, yet she didn't come closer. she paced around at the same distance, smiling, smirking. then she came closer.

i remember thinking, at least if i died, it's not because of some racist or islamophobic causes. this lady lost her job and she went mental. as if that's some consolation.

as she came closer, i prayed for a miracle or mercy. when she was a couple of feet away from me, i stood up and looked her in the eye. she raised the gun, i took some sort of a container next to me, crouched down and shield my head with it.

not my head. not my face. i was going to protect it. even with a white, square, plastic container i had a hunch to be an ice-cream tub. an ice-cream tub ended its life as my protector, as i ended mine.

what happened next happened in silent. there was no sound, no shots of gun, no mad woman shouting and laughing or cursing. almost as if it didn't happen and i was safe. but it happened, because i saw fire. even through shut eyes, i saw light. explosive light, striking light. it didn't happen quickly nor did it happen in a blur. it was in a motion enough for me to appreciate the light, brilliant as if it was sunlight peeking through a curtain in the morning. i could even appreciate how painless it was. i opened my eyes waiting for it to end. or had it?

when there was no more light, i removed the container i was still holding. the container was intact. but i knew it must have been in pieces. and i knew i was dead. but i stood up, and i saw people crowding the area. close enough to see, not close enough to look. i saw my friends, the people i knew, that i was trying to warn. they were sobbing, holding their faces. some just stared. i wish they'd stop staring because i knew i didn't look good. i knew if i turned around and looked down, i would saw me, or if i wiped my face my hand would be wet and red, or i would feel an eye out of place. so i didn't.

i just walked towards them, and pass them.

i walked down the stairs, and i saw me on a stretcher. my whole body was covered. then she, or me, lifted the cover off her, my, face. the face was the face i had always seen on the mirror. the face was a face belonged to the living. the me on the stretcher said something to the crowd, she was looking up the stairs at us, shouting something, about the lady, or about herself, or the ones she was trying to save. but they couldn't hear her. i could.

i kept walking down, not looking at her. the glass walls revealed a sky that was almost dark, but not quite. it was dusk. i saw the eiffel tower just next door, much smaller, but i wasn't in paris. there was a horizontal line in the sky, a line of light, the only daylight that was left. i heard somebody said, "close the sky", and the line started thinning. slowly, the light disappeared. the sky was black, with patches of greyish orange where the clouds hovered. i knew the command was to respect me.

and i thought, that wasn't too bad after all.

i was, and am, glad it was me. not anybody i know. because being dead, was not that bad for me. 

Some Dreams Aren't Meant To Be Chased

Sigmund Freud said dreams are unconscious thoughts, repressed wishes, silent desires. or just, meaningless coincidences. just as how some rather weird dreams are colouring my sleep lately, even more so when my psychology classes are focusing on the topic of dreams - nothing but a coincidence. but are the dreams formed by thoughts, wishes, desires, or merely, are just meaningless?

i have always been one whose world of dreams is as alive as the world of reality. remembering my dreams is not really a problem, although most of the memories will fade over time. but those which are distinguishable, remain. the one when the world was ending in my version of vision, the one when in my dream and in reality i felt as though i was strangled and chocked to death as someone climbed over my back - also known as kena tindih, the ones when my loved ones died and i cried in my sleep, just to mention a few. and not to forget, the one when Fahrin Ahmad was my boyfriend and Rupert Grint was my brother. hew hew.

anywayyy. so these are some of my latest dreams. my dreams are often long in duration and plot line, but naturally i will just remember the main plot and main characters vividly. all these dreams took place in two weeks time.

Because of a Cat

yes, i give my dreams a tittle. get over it. i was back at school (making it literally a nightmare), there were familiar faces. we had just finished a paper or something, and i was wandering with my friends or something (oh sorry forgot to warn you: be prepared to encounter many 'something's in this post) and we found a kitten. being a sympathetic human being that i am, i brought it to my class. in the class, i, apparently was sitting besides someone. in dream and in reality that someone and i have barely exchanged any word for a while, indicating a fight, or simply falling apart. being a fear-of-responsibility person that i am, and a cat lover that that someone is, i had no other choice than to hand that someone the kitten.

as we were going back home, i noticed that someone left the kitten in the class, so i called after that someone and shouted at that someone to bring the kitten back with that someone (alright i know it's a pain in the neck to have to repeat 'that someone' a few times in a sentence, but for confidentiality, just bear with me). so that someone was like, alright alright. in that dream, i made amends with that someone, because of a cat.

interpretation: i have been hoping to reconcile with that someone. i think i just miss the friendship, that is all. i know my life has been affected not even a bit without that someone, and surely so has theirs. i don't need that someone, not at all. but sometimes, when i see others with similar friendship, i long for that something familiar. at those times, i wish we were still friends. but i live, and they live, and that means i'm fine.

Serenity With a Stranger

i know this person in real life. but i do not know his name. i've exchanged a couple of words with him, and a smile, but i do not know his name. maybe i should, but being me, i don't. in the dream we were at a place where i first got to know him, but in a different setting. like a hotel (?). i spent my time walking alongside him, barely taking, but i felt at peace. i don't know. there was this comfort and calmness in his presence, and i really liked that.

in that 'hotel' there was something like.. aquaria? lol. we hanged out in there, him playing with the fish and i sight seeing. i bumped into my ex-classmate. whom in real life has involved me in his conflict with his girlfriend -..- ended up befriending me on fb and her blocking me -..- without me knowing -..- tetiba je aku dah kena unfriend block bagai. bila terserempak, muka awek kau dah lain tengok aku. tah-tah kau kencing dia memacam pasal aku. dude if you have to bs your gf you don't have to drag me into it. maaf teremo. even in the dream i asked him about it ok. he apparently came with his gf, who was in MPH at that time (learning institute, aquaria, and MPH all in the same building looking like a hotel? dreams don't make sense alright).

that person, backed me up and cooled me down. home was in the building too. senanglah hidup camtu, semua dalam satu tempat lol. when i said i wanted to go home, we were in a lift. he was in control or something, so when the  doors opened to reveal my house (or hotel room) i was surprised. like how the hell did you know where i live? and he just smiled, watching me as i left.

interpretation: nothing, i think. as this dude bears no significance and whatsoever in my life. we aren't even friends. we only have something in common. i just really like the comfort and calmness he made me feel in that dream, like i've known him forever. i felt safe and secured.

The Face

that's all i remember. i don't remember what the dream was about, but i remember the character. and that is all that does matter.

interpretation: Freud, in this case, may be talking sense.

Sharing Home

this dream revolved around many destinations but the main focus is my house. we got back from somewhere or something, and guess what? a family of strangers were in my house. conflicts aroused. who on earth are you guys? why are you here? this is our home! they also asked us the same questions, and answering ours, they said they had been living there all their lives. they even showed us their pictures, in albums, framed on walls, but we have ours too! what sorcery is this?! this is impossible, i have been living here all my life too, i said. this house had only been occupied by our family alone, and no one else.

both families were puzzled as the other, so we sat at our dining table, the one in the living room. then i said something like "what if they have been living with us all this time... and we just don't see them?" jeng jeng jenggg. then it all made sense. maybe they didn't see us too. it's mysterious, but the fact that both families were clueless, made it less scary to think about. then i asked what were they; jin ke, orang bunian ke, hantu ke apa? lol. i even asked them what they were made of because they were not sure themselves.

interpretation: i hope this is nothing, nothing, nothinggg but a meaningless coincidence. goosebumps.

Still There

I was at Intec, but the setting was somewhat like a regular school building. we had a program, an activity or something. i was doing things with my friends, and suddenly i pricked myself with a needle. i  pulled it out of my finger, and of course, it bled. but i moved on with my life lol. the only thing was it didn't stop bleeding. it was only a needle, but my finger bled as though i cut myself or something. blood was dripping.

then i saw a friend. upon seeing her i told her about it. she asked to see my finger and when she did, she pressed it hard. guess what? a or, the needle came out of it. i was like woaaah. the hell? it was there all this time? i could have died! lol. ye laaa doesn't your mom ever tell you that if you get pricked by a needle or pieces of glass or anything, it gets into your veins, it will block your blood flow or flow with the blood and get stuck in your heart or something? ok i don't know if it makes sense but the thought of it is scary you know. so Syaza Nazura, i thank you for saving my life hahaha.

interpretation: because it's kinda nerve-wrecking in the dream and even in reality needles are associated with spooky stuffs, so i tried to google what it means but to no avail :\

The Proposal

yes people, i dreamt someone proposed to me. there were many other parts and people as well, but the point is someone freaking proposed to me in my dream. it's not the first time i had dreams of this nature, in the past i had dreamt that i was forced to marry someone who was much older to the point i was thinking about running away (drama melayu much) and another dream was about someone else who was wearing white baju melayu with rombongan and all coming to my house, but i was not sure whether they were coming for me or someone else... still am not sure. and a few others, if there's any, which i don't remember.

but this time the dream was just different. it almost felt real because it was not all jumbled up like dreams usually are. in that part of the dream, it was just the guy, handing me the ring. after that i left and told my friends about that lol. i will not reveal the guy and my answer, but one thing i shall mention: it was a freaking diamond ring in a freaking pink box. DIAMOND. BESAR SIOT. haha. even in that dream i was wondering where did you get all the money? i adored the ring though, hehe.

interpretation: i don't want to interpret this. lulz.

ok so that's it... kot. obviously i came up with the interpretations myself. 

hmm. i need to have a dream diary.

and oh, since we are in the subject of dreams, here's some friendly reminder

THAT THIS WILL ALWAYS BE ASDFGHJKL. knite. sweet dreams!

Penyakit Ain, Jeng Jeng Jenggg

Tadi aku terbaca pasal penyakit ain kat magazine. tetiba online pun terjumpa lagi pasal ni. semua ter ter ni, misteri... jap penyakit ain? tahukah anda? tak kan? ye aku pun baru tau. penyakit ain ni agak sekeri. scary. because im such a thoughtful blogger, instead of telling you straight away to google it, i will briefly explain what it's about first.

penyakit ain, as the name suggests, ialah penyakit mata. tak bukan ketumbit ke apa. tapi penyakit yang boleh buat orang lain sakit disebabkan mata kita. tak bukan penyakit mata berjangkitlaaa ish. penyakit ni bukan scientific. jeng jeng jeng...

kata kau dengki kat sesape. mungkin sebab dia ni bertuah gila. kau pandang dia dengan perasaan dengki meluap-luap. tetiba esok nasib malang menimpa dia.

kebetulan atau ketentuan? atau... keinginan? it's liddatla penyakit ain ni. sebelum anda kata ini kurofaaat, karooot ada baiknya teruskan membaca. ada seprais menunggu. jeng jeng jenggg

in this case, literally

fun fact #1: penyakit ni boleh menyebabkan kematian. macam tagline cerita melayu hape tah, dengki sampai mati. yang mati bukan si pendengki, tapi yang didengki. siyes sekeri.

tak fun fact langsung.

sekeri #2: yang didengki dipanggil mangsa ain, si pendengki pula pesakit ain. bukan yang sakit tu yang jadi pesakit. tapi yang menyakitkan tu yang pesakit, sebab 'kebolehan' dia berbahaya kot. macam orang gila lah kan, kalau dia gila sembelih sesiapa, orang tak kata yang kena sembelih tu pesakit mental. tapi dia. oh ain ni bukan masalah jiwa orang gila ye. in fact...

sekeri #3: sesiapa je boleh jadi pesakit ain. mungkin kita boleh mengainkan orang. mungkin kita pernah diainkan orang. nauzubillah mintak jauh semua tu. ain ni macam panahan mata dari jiwa. perasaan yang datang dari jiwa yang kuat, efek dia kau pandang je terus jadi apa yang kau nak. atau jadi apa yang kau tak terfikir pun. ada yang kena pegang. kata kalau kuat sangat, tak yah pandang, bayang je. rasa je. setel. seram.

sekeri #4: ain ni bukan disebabkan oleh dengki, benci, dan lain-lain perasaan buruk je. boleh juga sebab rperasaan baik macam suka, kagum, angau dan sewaktu dengannya. pernah dengar orang tua-tua kata jangan puji baby? kalau dia comel, cakap buruk. kejadahnya nak kutuk anak orang busyuk masyam segala padahal baby semua wangi semula jadi kan? sekarang telah kuketahui sebab yang tersembunyi... mungkin dorang taknak sampai terain baby tu. terain sebab dengki, atau hepi. oleh yang memuji, atau yang mengeji. yang bersuara, atau yang mendengar je. true story: sorang pompuan ni ada kembar dulu. walaupun baby lagi, kembar dia lagi elok rupa, semua puji. tup tup beberapa hari kemudian, kembar dia meninggal. jeng jeng jenggg. wA. dah ajal. jadi penyebab je tu. tapi tak bestlah kan meninggal sebab tu? yang mengandung siap gugur bagai. a blessing can be a curse indeed.

sekeri #5: penyakit ain ni... wujud. bukan sebab orang cerita. tapi sebab nabi kata. SEPRAISSS! RASULULLAH KATA WUJUD WEY. banyak hadis pasal ni. antaranya "ain itu wujud, dan jika ada sesuatu mendahului takdir/qada', itu ialah ain". sebab tu ada yang sampai sakit, siap mati. ya, semua dengan izin Allah. tapi bila tahu benda ni wujud, dalam islam sendiri, dari mulut nabi, disebabkan oleh manusia biasa, woi cuakz. nabi pernah tengok seorang perempuan, baginda suruh ubatkan perempuan tu sebab terkena ain. ada sahabat pulak, ada orang ainkan unta dia. dia berdoa, terus terkeluar biji mata orang tu dan unta tu terus baik macam biasa. terkeluar biji mata aku bila baca. seorang lagi kata pesakit ain ni perlu dikurung/dipenjarakan, tapi semua hajat mereka ditunaikan. sampai camtu sekali bahaya dia.

memang scientifically impossible... kot. unless i missed out any medical article about injuring people just by staring at them. or unless we live in the world of Heroes, engineered genetics, Voldemort's basilisk and whatnot. tapi sebagai umat Islam kita kena percaya takde benda yang mustahil dan bukan semua benda perlukan penjelasan. mungkin penjelasannya ada, tapi akal dan teknologi kita sehebat mana pun, masih tak dapat capai tahap itu. atau itu tahap Allah, memang Dia je tau. yang penting kita tau penyakit ain ni ada. supaya boleh berjaga-jaga.

camne?

untuk elak mengainkan orang, bila kita suka sesuatu, nak puji, ucapkan sekali masyaallah, subhanallah, allahuakbar ke... dan doa semoga Allah berkati siapa yang disukai, dipuji tu. contohnya "masyaallah, cantiknyaa", "allahuakbar! untunglah ferrari, moga Kau berkati dia, dan aku sekali hehe". er kalau kita benci, dengki pulak... istighfar la kot? berhenti mengeji. mengucap bebanyak, biar Allah buang perasaan keruh tu. tak elok tau. cuba belajar bersyukur. selain tu mungkin juga boleh... menundukkan pandangan? kof kof kof.

untuk elak diainkan, paling senang baca pendindinglah. 3 kul, ayat kursi, etc. dalam al-falaq ada "lindungilah aku daripada orang yang dengki apabila mereka dengki". orang tua-tua berpantang larang pasal baby, mungkin sebab baby takde pendingding. tak leh lindung diri sendiri. selain tu mungkin jugak boleh... tak poyos, berlagak, menunjuk dan riak? huk huk huk. kengkadang memang takde niat, sekadar nak berkongsi berita baik. tapi manusia ni pelik. ada je salah kita. so, practice modesty. kalau dah cukup merendah diri tapi orang tak puas hati lagi, itu namanya busuk hati.

aku rasa aku takkan ainkan orang, sebab aku sangat jarang cemburu, ape tah lagi dengki. ok mungkin terainkan sebab aku senang gila eksaited, hepi, menjerit "COMELNYA!", usha perempuan lawa... tapi selain tu aku tak kisah pasal orang. kalau dia ada apa aku takde, bagus untuk dia. memang lagi bagus kalau aku pun ada jugak, tapi perlu ke bandingkan diri sampai sakit jiwa? 

tapi sebab tu jugaklah aku ni tak termotivasi. orang lain tengok orang rajin, mulalah berlawan sampai merah mata stay up study. tengok orang punya love story, dapat pasangan sehidup semati, terus doa kat tikar sejadah nak jodoh sampai jannah. tengok orang kaya, pasang cita-cita nak berduit, berbanglo sama. tapi aku? ada aku kesah? hahahhaaha. mungkin jeleslah jugak tapi sangat sedikit sampai aku pun tak perasaan lulz. lain orang, lain motivasinya okkk. motivasi sebab jeles pun buatpe, boleh sebabkan ain tau tanpa disedari *tetiba defensive*

this is the only jealousy i'm fully aware of. but it's jealousy in love. we hate them because we want the same talent, but we love them because they're so good at it it's impossible not to love them. ehhem that one friend of mine ehhem. this, oh and another kind of jealousy that people claim to come with... love. or like. wtv.

oklah. itu je yang disimpan dalam kapasiti memori saya. nak lagi? google sendiri. maaf kalau ada silap fakta, saya budak baru belajar.

sehingga berjumpa lagi. jangan biarkan hidup anda diselebungi... ain~

ktakrhymebai.

Misteri Pelukan Itu

Aku type benda ni beberapa minggu lepas, pengalaman sendiri.

_____________________________

Sekarang pukul 4.40 pagi, 19/11, sabtu. Aku ada cerita hantu. ok takdelah hantu sangat, tapi boleh masuk dalam Mastika lah jugak.

Minggu depan physics. Tapi aku tak study apa pun lagi. Hajat nak study dari siang tergendala akibat stress pasal math. Malam baru nak study. Before tu aku online dulu.

Lepak dekat group budak SPM, cek soalan spot baru, sama-sama kena tipu oleh message yang kononnya kena buat sejarah lagi sekali, dan sama-sama berdoa yang Malaysia banjir so paper math hancur dibawa air.

Tetiba ada sorang mamat post gambar hantu. Gambar tak real, cuma bajet pocong je. Tapi still terkejutlah, malam buta kot. Aku bertindak balas dengan “HOI AKU NAK STAY UP LAH MALAM NI THIS IS NOT COOL!”

Lepastu aku comment pulak “staring at this pic makes it less creepy. No ghost or living soul will keep me from doing physics”.

Bila desperate, hantu ke pencuri ke, semua mati aku kerjakan. Kau jangan buat hal. Aku nak study. Kalau aku tak study, esok exam aku nak jawab apa? Timbang rasa sikit.

Itulah niat aku setiap kali last minute study sampai pagi. Biasanya aku bukak tingkap, sebab best dibelai angin malam. Sikit pun tak takut kalau ada kepala intai. hanya nak buktikan “takkan ada pape”.

Padahal rumah ni dari aku kecik ada kes orang hantar hantu setan, hantu setan datang sendiri, bunyi tapak kaki, nampak benda tak sepatutnya, masa tidur gigi aku berlaga. bukan kancing gigi okeh. first time mak aku dengar, dia ingat perompak gergaji pintu rumah kitorang. Bila lagakan gigi masa sedar bunyi lain sebab masa tidur kuat macam besi. ada ustaz cakap sebab gangguan jin. Ah sudah, wallahualam. 

Tapi tu dulula. Latest, form 3. malam tu gigi aku berlaga. Esoknya abang aku cerita malam tu pintu almari dia kena main, dia berdehem, tegur suruh diam. dia memang nampak benda ni so dia tak cuak. Lepastu dia mimpi apa tah, dengar suara pompuan luar tingkap, dengar orang jerit. Time tu jugak, family bini dia call, cakap adik dorang kat rumah tunjuk pintu, menangis jerit “taknak benda tu masuk!”

Siot, dengar pompuan luar bilik abang aku. Dahlah bilik dia sebelah bilik aku. Dahlah jiran belakang rumah pernah nampak benda lintas luar bilik aku. Siot, sampai aku pernah takut duduk dalam bilik sendiri.

Tapi sekarang aku tak kisah. tengok tv gelap sorang-sorang, turun buat kopi kat dapur, tegur kalau ada bunyi pelik, keluar rumah tengok bulan malam buta, tanpa takut kena kacau pape. Kira dah besar ah ni.

K so, selepas buat beberapa soalan, tetiba aku dapat idea untuk tulis novel. Idea gempak gila. Sebelum lupa, aku tulis idea aku. Untuk lebih selesa, aku beralih ke katil. tanpa aku sedar, aku tertidur, macam biasa.

Aku mimpi benda paling random. Yang aku ingat, aku nampak junior aku masuk pertandingan rekacipta kat asrama dia, buat dekat tennis court (oh ye tennis court asrama aku dulu berhantu kata orang). beg dorang semua colour pink sangkut atas jaring court tu. Tetiba ada futsal court. bola datang arah aku, setangkas Apek aku stopkan bola tu. Ada budak datang ambik, aku lupa siapa. Aku jalan, tapi makin susah sebab pasir makin dalam. aku tenggelam paras pinggang. 

Pastu ada orang panggil, dia kat tempat lagi tinggi. Aku nak pergi kat dia pun payah, nafas macam lari satu padang dah. Bila  sampai tetiba aku dalam teater, atau lecture hall. aku kat level paling bawah. buruk, macam dah ditinggalkan, kerusi tunggang langgang. tetiba ada cikgu aku. Kitorang sembang apa tah, yang aku ingat dia kutuk Kim Kardashian. Aku dah kata mimpi aku random. aku cakap dulu aku pun tak suka dia. Tapi lepas tengok Keeping Up with the Kardashians, aku terus suka the Kardashians siap jadi peminat setia. Dorang gelak. Cikgu nak keluar, kitorang pun naik tangga untuk keluar ikut pintu exit paling atas.

Masa naik, sebelah kitorang ada tingkap. kat luar kabur. Aku cakap ribut pasir kot, terus pasir masuk dalam tempat tu. Angin kuat, pandangan jadi coklat, dah macam bencana alam suasana. Aku cakap cepat cikgu, kita keluar. Dia gelak, gelak yang pelik, pastu terus peluk leher aku.

Mula-mula aku tak kesah. Aku naik lagi tangga tu. Lama-lama makin berat. Aku longgarkan pegangan dia, takleh. Tetiba scene bertukar-tukar. Dia peluk makin kuat, aku makin lemas. Aku nak bercakap takleh, so cakap dalam hati. “Lepaskan”, sambil tarik tangan tu. Time ni aku dah separa sedar. Daripada tengah mendaki tangga, aku rasa aku baring mengiring. Tapi masalah dia sama; kena peluk. Mula-mula aku ingat mak aku, aku raba-raba rasa ada tangan, mungkin dalam mimpi je tangan tu, aku pun taktau. 

Tapi kenapa mak aku ada dalam bilik aku? Kalau orang lain peluk aku tak lain tak bukan penjahat namanya. Cuak, bila fikir ada orang atas katil aku. Tapi situasi ni agak tak logik. Tetiba aku terfikir, oh damn. Adakah ini yang orang panggil kena tindih?

Aku dengar kalau kena himpap memang azab. Aku takdelah azab sangat, just susah bernafas. pelukan tu sangat membebankan, tapi tak menyakitkan. Maybe aku tak kena himpap tapi kena peluk, sebab aku tengah tidur mengiring? Kalau aku tidur meniarap mesti dah separuh mati. dahlah bibik abang aku pernah kena himpap masa dia tido kat rumah ni, bilik dia bawah bilik aku pulak tu.

Ye aku dah sedar untuk fikir tu semua. Tapi tak betul2 sedar sebab susah nak bukak mata. Kadang aku nampak langsir aku, kadang aku nampak scene yang bertukar-tukar tu. Aku dengar kalau kena himpap, boleh nampak rupa benda yang himpap kita. Aku bersyukur aku tidur mengiring dan kena peluk dari belakang, so aku tak nampaklah makhluk yang bertanggungjawab ni. aku dapat rasa badan aku meronta and mulut tertutup rapat. nak sebut Allah memang takleh, dalam hati pun susah

Aku lawan mata and mulut, takleh bukak tapi aku cuba. Aku lupa if dalam mimpi je ke aku pegang leher sebab nak lepaskan diri, or dalam dunia betul pun aku buat benda sama. Aku rasa ye.

Time ni fikir Allah Allah Allah jelah. Makin lama dapat bukak mata. bila dah bukak mata sepenuhnya, mulut pahit, badan penat. Tengkuk lenguh, tapi mungkin sebab posisi tidur yang tunggang langgang. nasib baik lampu terbukak. Aku bangun, pandang tempat aku baring tadi, mengucap, pastu aku macam “blah!”

Aku taktaula tu betul atau mimpi.

Aku usha hot tingkap. Kot-kot kalau ada yang tenung aku, taula dia yang this is not cool. Not cool man.

Aku ada physics minggu depan man.

Mimpi: I Am Ginny Weasley

baca sampai habis. BACA SAMPAI HABIS AKU KATA.

aku mimpi.

before balik Malaysia, aku pergi France. yes, freaking France. nak visit abang aku. aku pun taktahu aku ada abang kerja kat sana, dah mimpi cakap macamtu jangan banyak tanya okay.

sampai airport, tetiba aku jumpa budak2 4AB, siap pakai baju sekolah lagi. wth, korang buat trip pergi sini?! gila gempak. dorang pun terkejut tengok aku ada dekat situ. aku cakap nanti before balik Malaysia, aku singgah NZ balik.

"woooowww", semua berwow. semua terkejut, loaded betul aku ni. mungkin dalam mimpi tu lemak badan pun boleh jadi duit, tu yang aku kaya semacam tu.

aku tunggu. lambat pulak abang aku ni.

sekali dia datang.

dia datang.

abangku. . . . .

Rupert Grint siot. Rupert Freaking Grint.

jadi aku pun lepak dengan dia, mana lagi nak dapat pengalaman lepak dengan Rupert Grint?

eh kenapalah kau jadi abang aku? kalau tak kita boleh dating di city of love ni. awh. dalam mimpi menggatal takpe okay, tak disengajakan.

jap. kalau abang aku Rupert Grint=Ronald Weasley. adakah aku Ginny Weasley?

adakah aku akan kahwin dengan. . . . .

Harry Potter=DanRad?!

mari tido balik untuk tahu sambungan kisah ini.

Kiamat Khayalan

Aku ada dekat atas bukit. both sides of the bukit ada laut, peliknya, satu side laut sama paras dengan bukit. the other side, dekat tanah rata macam biasa. nak turun ke tanah rata kena guna tangga. atas bukit tu ada pondok, tempat aku join satu program agama.

sekarang asar, program dah habis. hujan. aku turun tangga, tengok-tengok banjir, tapi rendah je. call mama, cakap takyah ambik aku dululah, tunggu hujan reda, banjir surut.

atas bukit tu, lumpur paras buku lali. ramai terkandas. laut yang sama paras dengan bukit, bergelora, ombak besar. kitorang maghrib berjemaah. lepas solat, aku call mama lagi.

aku kata takpe, takyah ambik selagi cuaca tak elok. ramai kat sini dengan aku. makcik yang duduk sebelah aku, kawan mama, dia tunjuk laut paras bukit tu sambil kata "cakaplah apa yang patut dekat mak, tengok laut ni. . . takut tak sempat".

aku takdelah ucapkan kata terakhir, still cakap macam biasa, cuma rasa tak sedap hati dan sebak tiba-tiba.

lepas isyak, tengok banjir makin tinggi, lampu kereta berderet-deret dekat jalan, semua macam semut api, beratur takde laluan. sekarang pondok tu tinggal sikit orang je, sorang dua yang aku nampak.

tengah malam, aku tak tahan. aku nak balik.

tapi mana beg aku? oh, mungkin ada kat ruang solat tadi.

pergi situ, tengok ada dua perempuan bertelekung, mungkin qiamullail. ustaz yang handle program agama tadi, dia ada kat situ, dia membelakangi kiblat. dia tunduk, rocking back and forth, macam menangis. dia panggil "ayah. . . ayah. . . ayah. . .".

aku taktau kenapa, aku menangis sama. kesian tengok dia. mungkin dia teringatkan ayah dia, mungkin dia mengigau. dalam keadaan kecoh macam ni, terperangkap atas bukit yang satu belah dia mungkin tsunami, satu belah lagi banjir besar, gelabah takyah cakaplah.

beg aku ada dekat sebelah dia. nantilah aku ambik, aku fikir. aku turun tangga tu lagi. aku taknak mama risau, dan aku pun risaukan dia. keadaan makin teruk. hujan makin lebat. angin goncang alam. petir panah bumi sana sini.

ada sorang nenek tua, bertelekung. dia dari pondok tu jugak agaknya, kitorang naik tangga balik sama-sama. dah separuh jalan, tangga tu patah, tercabut dari tanah, kitorang terjatuh. aku dengan dia paut dekat pokok, dia tarik aku masuk satu lubang. kitorang berlindung.

tiba-tiba bukak mata, silau sebab ada cahaya. rupa-rupanya aku tertidur, dan sekarang dah siang. dari dalam lubang, nampak keadaan dekat luar terang benderang, mungkin cuaca dah baik. aku dan nenek tu merangkak keluar.

bukan cuaca je cerah, tapi keadaan bumi jugak berubah. tanah berumput, kaki bukit yang basah dengan lumpur semalam, sekarang jadi tanah tandus, kering, coklat, merekah. macam kemarau, walhal semalam hujan punya lebat, air siap bah.

tengah tertanya-tanya, tiba-tiba ada something libas kitorang. pokok kaktus. ya, kaktus menjalar melibas-libas. ada banyak. betul, bumi hijau semalam, dah jadi gurun hari ini.

tangga memang dah takde. kitorang tak nampak apa yang ada kat atas bukit, tapi kitorang tau itulah tempat yang ada pondok semalam.

kitorang decide untuk panjat ke atas. masa nak panjat, ada ular muncul depan aku. hissss. aku gelabah. aku panjat ikut arah lain. fuh, hampir-hampir kena patuk tadi.

cuaca panas terik. susah nak berpaut sebab terlampau keras, takde tempat untuk cengkam selain rekahan-rekahan kat tanah. duri kaktus merata-rata, tercucuk dekat kaki tangan. bukit pulak sangat curam, jauh dah pajat tapi tak sampai-sampai lagi tempat semalam.

aku dah tak larat. rasa macam nak surrender. kalau boleh aku nak lepaskan je cengkaman kat tanah ni, biar jatuh mati, aku dah tak sanggup. aku cakap kat nenek tu "nek, nanti dah sampai atas nenek jatuh kan beg saya ye, saya nak call mak saya", time tu dah nangis-nangis, aku nak balik, make sure mak aku selamat.

nenek tu mengadu sakit, tapak selipar dia tercabut. tapak kaki dia dah melecet, berdarah. ya allah. sabar nek, aku cakap as aku bukak kasut aku, nak pakaikan kat kaki dia.

dia kata dia tak tahan, aku dah teresak-esak. dia pun menangis jugak, dia kata dia tak boleh teruskan. nenek kena teruskan, nenek yang kuat, nenek yang tolong saya, kalau takde nenek saya taktau lagi sapa yang ade . . . . . tiba-tiba ada ada panah petir.

sekelip mata, muka nenek tu berubah. muka dia. . . . . . soket mata kosong, mulut kosong. . . . . . macam tengkorak. kelabu. berasap.

aku terkejut. terlepas kasut tadi dari genggaman.

aku ternganga, tak dapat bernafas.

nenek ni, nenek tua yang aku harapkan, yang jadi teman, dah takde. . . kenapa tiba-tiba?

aku dah takde sape-sape. aku taktau nak buat ape.

aku pandang atas bukit, aku harapkan sesuatu yang mungkin dah tak wujud.

aku nak teruskan, tapi aku dah tak kuat.

"ustaz. . . ." aku tercungap-cungap, separuh berbisik, separuh menangis.

aku tarik nafas, bersedia untuk menjerit dengan sisa tenaga yang ada. . .

"USTAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"




suku kata pertama perkataan tu terkeluar dari mulut aku, mata yang tertutup terbukak. . . .



oh! rupanya aku bermimpi.

mimpi.

mimpi yang sangat real, sampai aku separuh menjerit dalam tidur. itu yang aku sedar. yang aku tak sedar?

aku blur sekejap. aku bangun. tak keruan. baru 5 pagi, tapi terus aku masuk bilik air untuk mandi. aku menangis.

ini kali kedua aku mimpi benda yang sama. kali pertama, tah bila. semua detail ni, aku ingat dari dua-dua mimpi.

mimpi ni bagi kesan sangat dekat aku. suasana dalam mimpi ni 10 kali ganda lagi teruk daripada apa yang aku gambarkan. time tu, dunia macam dah nak kiamat, nyawa dah tak panjang, dah takde harapan.

mimpi semalam, tapi masih buat aku menggeletar hari ni.

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya mimpi mainan syaitan, tapi dengan mimpi macam ni, aku harap takde perkara buruk yang akan berlaku. . . . Amin.

Konspirasi Dunia

PUH, PUH, PUH!

letih meniup habuk dari blog ni. ye dah agak lama aku tak update. kenapa?

mula-mula aku baca kat iluvislam pasal kekejaman Israel. then pasal Israel dan Yahudi, apa beza? kemudian dalami pasal ahli kitab. lepas tu, terbaca pulak The Vatican. konon pasal perbualan sorang mamat dengan orang kuat agama Yahudi.

menarik untuk dibaca, dan sangat membuka minda. aku tak skeptikal pasal konspirasi, malah agak into it, tapi tak percaya bulat-bulat. kalau betul, memang hebatlah yahudi untuk plan such thing for hundred of years. wallahuallam.

aku tengok The Arrivals dengan video The Wakeup Project yang lain. terbaca pulak pasal The Obama Deception. seterusnya pasal The Protocols of The Elders of Zion, New World Order, Illuminati, dan sepupu sepapatnya. sampai pulak dekat topik 2012, dari pelbagai sudut dan kononnya mungkin bukan the so called 'apocalypse' yang jadi, tapi satu era peradaban baru, mungkin time tulah New World Order ni direalisasikan, banyak lagilah. bukan tu je, aku siap baca pasal asal usul Hang Tuah and Co. sekali, adakah dorang ada kaitan dengan Hang Li Po?

itulah agenda aku selama beberapa hari aku hilangkan diri. tak tido malam baca pasal semua ni. salahkan forumer kat iluvislam. eh tak, salahkan diri sendiri sebab taknak ambil tau dari dulu.

aku cadangkan korang baca jugak, cuti ni nak layan facebook setiap hari pun boleh muntah bai.

kesimpulan aku pasal teori konspirasi, aku tak tolak mentah-mentah. tapi kesannya memang kita dapat tengok dengan mata, fikir dengan akal. kalau betul, kita dah termasuk dalam jerat diorang. kalau tak, kita masih menuju tempat yang sama, diorang takyah buat apa pun.

kesimpulan aku pasal 2012, aku menyampah kat orang yang bajet bagus sampai boleh kata benda ni mengarut. memanglah Allah lebih mengetahui, tapi tak rugi kan untuk tahu serba sedikit pasal hal ni. manusia ada keupayaan untuk kaji banyak benda, dah tanggungjawab kita untuk guna kelebihan tu demi agama. bukannya sampai nak percayakan manusia lebih daripada rahsia tuhan kan?

wallahuallam.

jangan risau, hidup aku tak berkiblatkan apa yang aku baca dalam internet ye. baca takpa, at least kalau ada apa-apa jadi, aku dapat kata

"aku dah baca!"

mesti nak menang okay.

Objek di Langit.

okay, setelah lama membuang masa aku pun terjumpalah satu benda best dlm internet yang boleh dikongsi, untuk korg semua.

tahun 1992, pernah gempak dulu pasal objek objek di langit. bukan UFO, bukan alien, tapi kuasa Allah. 200 budak sekolah agama kat klang, and asrama aminuddin baki, and kawasan2 sekitar, semua dpt tengok bnda ni yang jadi between 11 pm sampai 3 am. aku dapat bygkanlah bagaimana havoc gila time tu dekat asrama yg budak2 tu nampak semua, semua org lari keluar pandang langit, berjam jam menatap tu je. ade yang meraung, menangis, insaf call mak walaupun baru siang tadi belasah junior. ni ha;

keesokan harinya siap masuk paper lagi. dan mufti Selangor pun sahkan kejadian ni real dan memang kebesaran Allah la lepas interview budak2 tu. tapi PM kesayangan kita pada masa tu ialah Dr M, yang kata itu semua karut marut seolah olah dia tahu pulak Allah takkan buat benda macamtu, maka mufti selangor pun tarik balik statement, dan kata benda tu tak sah dan meragukan. malah, mungkin laser.

aku tak fahamla, beratus saksi weh, ape yg tak sah? laser, terbaik. lepasni aku cerita camne kejadian ni terjadi, pastu korg gunalah akal ciptaan tuhan tu fikir baek baek, laser tak laser. ok aku tak berbaur politik tau. dah memang kalau nak describe pun camni la bunyinya, padahal aku tak berniat mengutuk pun. dan aku tak marah mufti tu, siapa la die nak lawan kuasa mutlak ketua kita kan.

saksi cakap kejadian tu start dengan Alif Lam Lam Ha, kemudian mula bertukar tukar. yang buat bentuk imej tu semuanya awan, awan yang putih clean. awan tu bergerak2 dengan laju, dan dibentuk bentukkan mcm dengan tangan. pernah baca doraemon part yang nobita maen awan tipu dengan chopstick lepastu buat bentuk tahi semua tu? haa macam tu la. paling masyaAllah, malam tu bukan 15 haribulan, tapi bulan sangat penuh dan terang. sampai part yang awan tu buat bentuk mata, awan tu keliling bulan tu, dan bulan tu jadi anak mata, slowly bertukar warna merah. merah. ya, merah. mcm mata yg marah.

aku google lah kan, banyak cerita pengalaman sendiri bloggers pasal benda benda ni. diorg kata time tu semua orang tengok, dan semua org dapat teka ape yg awan tu tunjuk, mcm teka teki. kalau dekat lakaran atas tu kan ade perempuan yang rambutnya terbakar, orang yang memang tengok kejadian tu cakap, perempuan tu memang mcm real gila. drpd rambut die ok, ditarik, dibakar, dan muka die meraung lepastu tinggal tengkorak hodoh. nauzubillah.

aku pantangla pihak pihak yang selalu tengok benda mcmni, dan kata mengarut, khurafat la kejadah semua. diorg ni mcm taknak percaya pulak kuasa Allah, mcm pada diorg ape yg wujud dlm dunia ni, realiti hanya kalau benda2 tu ade dalam fikiran diorg. kalau bnda yang terjadi tu tak capai tahap akal diorg, diorg taknak mengaku. siapa kau nak persoalkan? siapa kita?

bukan benda mcm ni je lah aku tak suka, aku tak suka semua pihak yang ckp mcm tu pasal semua perkara pelik. aku percaya, WITH HIS MIGHT AND WILL, EVERYTHING IS FREAKING POSSIBLE. tapi kalau dah melampau sangat dan bertentangan ngn Quran, itu lainlah cerita.

siapa cakap UFO tak wujud, alien tak wujud, tak mungkin ade hidupan laen dekat planet laen? siapa berani sangat cakap mcmtu? kau tau ke ape kehendak Allah? kau nak semuanya berfungsi ikut sense kau je? kau nak kuasa Allah tu terbatas ikut kemampuan fikiran kau je? ape yang buat kau yakin sangat? science? alam Allah ni rahsia weh, pada aku sehebat mane pun seorang saintis tu, sebanyak mana pun penemuan die, sebenarnya nothing if compared to his creation. besar sangat galaxy kita ni, takkanlah kita je yang hidup dekat bumi kan?

patutnya pengetahuan dan ilmu yang kita dapat tu kita jadikan perangsang untuk kita fikir, hebatnya Allah ni, banyaknya aku taktahu, makin aku belajar makin aku sedar keciknya aku. bukannya makin kita pandai dengan ilmu dunia, makinkita bataskan diri kita drpd fikir tentang kuasa Allah. tak mungkin lah, inilah, itulah. haih. harap harap aku tak jadi mcm ni nanti.

ape ape pun, bertuahnya mereka yang jadi saksi tu. mungkin sebab aku jarang keluar rumah sebabtu peluang aku untuk tengok benda2 ni lagi tipis kot? tayah cakap UFO, buruj pun aku tak pernah nampak. kenalah join abang aku minum minum malam2 buta lepasni. manalah tau.