Because Medic Is Too Mainstream

I have been asked countless times if i will go for medic after SPM. when i say "no", their reaction is equivalent to hearing the most ridiculous statement of the century. some of them think they save themselves the trouble of asking by just assuming that i am one of those future doctors.

so when i tell them "no medic for me", and they have passed through the first stage of shock and ask me what do i want to study instead "so engineering, hm? or accounting?" and i tell them this one word "psychology", all hell breaks loose.

they react like i'm going to jump of a cliff. don't worry, me no suicidal-biting-lips-trembling Bella.

so i'm going to tell the world why i'm (proudly) not going for medic! (unless God tells me to)

but before that, i must make some statements and announcements and i suggest you be all ears. or eyes. ehhem.

1. a few days a ago i changed the setting of this blog, edited the HTML and tried webmaster tool, so that Keretapi was invisible on search engines. then, suddenly recent posts and comments widgets were broken. and people who have linked me on their blogs and follow me wouldn't know if my blog was updated because apparently i turned off my feed.

i have turned on my feed and everything's fine again. but i think my blog will still remain updated on followers' dashboard or friends' blogs. if it does on yours, and you think my craps are worth reading, then please remove my link, or unfollow me, and add my link and follow me again. thank you to those who find Keretapi entertaining. or boring. but still wanna check it out anyway for the sake of stalking or whatever it is you people do :)

2. a few days ago i was busy about the interview and scholarships and being me, i have a tendency to do things at the last minute and hyperventilate but still find myself watching tv and on FB, so i tend to update statuses about my current hectic life. some people, i regret to know, find it as 'bragging' and apparently, 'insulting' and 'underestimating' them.

a. i did not think a thing about your existence. i did not mention a bit about you. how can you feel insulted or underestimated?

b. i have checked my status updates, and yes, nothing even offensive to begin with. why, i am sorry if my life is so offensive.

c. i wonder until when la i have to put up with all this? i have to be blamed? to be judged? to be talked and thought badly about?

d. i am sorry if anything i say, you understand it the other way. you, understand it the other way. but i'm apologizing anyway.

e. if you can't even be my friend in real life, i don't see a point of us being friends on FB. i sincerely thought we were friends, before this-thing-i-don't-even-understand began.

f. btw, i don't even know you. i know about you and you and you. but i never really know is it you, or the other you, or you.

g. again, sorry. but i didn't do anything wrong. i just have to be strong. this is not the first time anyway. wouldn't you say?

so, that's about it. life is sad and i know it~

now

"KENAPA TAKNAK MEDIC AIYOYO"

1. Phobia or trauma or something

once upon a time, when i was a little girl, pre-kindergarten era, i had this thing for human anatomy. aku bukak paper kesihatan, tatap gambar pembedahan dan penyakit yang sekarang aku rasa menggelikan. aku bukak tv, mulut ternganga, mata tak berkelip tengok benda yang sekarang buat mata tertutup mulut rasa pahit.

mesti orang yang tengok aku usap air mata terharu "bakal doktor ni"

then one day, when i was flipping the newspaper health section like any other day, i saw something, and i came running to my mother who was in the kitchen, crying all tears and snots.

i think i saw...

coins. 

they looked like coins. or because they were. i did not know what the hell did i saw, but i think it was the caption that got me. the caption was so sad... or something. weh sirius aku taktau. but this story is true.

mungkin pasal orang sakit perlukan duit. mungkin pasal orang tertelan duit. taktau. yang aku tau, aku rasa haritu apa aku tengok atau baca, sangat menyedihkan. sampai aku taknak bukak paper kesihatan dah. lama-lama, aku dah tak boleh tengok benda tu semua. 

aku tak boleh tengok benda yang tak normal dengan badan manusia. bukan tak hormat atau tak kesian dekat orang yang kaki kudung berkudis sebab diabetes (just typing this buat lidah kelat), kulit bertompok bernanah (dear god), organ terkeluar ke apa ke (have mercy on me), tapi aku memang tak boleh tengok. sesaat photo reception kat otak interpret benda tu, sekelip mata aku reflex buat pape patut- baling paper ke, tutup tv ke, jerit ke.

time bio, cikgu pernah bukak video pasal penagih dadah and pesakit STD. orang lain rilek, aku menggelabah benam kepala dalam lutut. geli tau tak geli? jangan paksa aku, kang ada yang bersepai isi perut. cikgu pun naik pelik tengok, "camne nak jadi doktor ni?"

"memang taknak laa cikgu!"

tapi peliknya, masa bedah katak rilek je aku picit organ dia, koyak badan dia segala. dah macam saiko serial killer gayanya.

i don't know what my real reaction will be if i ever have to face those things in person. maybe i will be fine dissecting people, but i don't think i can handle abnormal health conditions. setakat jadi doktor bedah orang tapi lari bila apa yang kau tengok tak seperti dijangka, takyahlah.

sebab ni jugak, kepada Rashid Sibir yang suka buat cerita orang sakit bernanah berkudis jenazah berulat bercacing semua aku nak cakap - STOP IT OR I WILL SUE YOU FOR VISUAL ABUSE.

oh dan kepada pemilik website yang aibkan orang dah mati dengan tayang gambar mayat yang keadaan memalukan dan menggelikan - KAU TAK PERNAH TERFIKIR KE YANG MAYAT KAU TAYANG BUAT HIBURAN ORANG MACAM KAU NI ADA KELUARGA, ADA NAMA? KAU NAK TAK MATI MACAM TU PASTU AKU TANGKAP GAMBAR KAU TUNJUK KAT SATU DUNIA? EH TAKYAH SUSAH PAYAH, SEBAB DOSA KAU BUAT MACAM TU PUN AKAN BUAT KEADAAN KAU LAGI TERUK KAT SANA. EFF YOU.

2. Being responsible for lives, as heavy as the world

saving lives, curing illness, making a difference are noble. i have always wanted to help people, so being doctor seems like the right choice right? but what if my patients' conditions worsen, what if they die? i know it's fate. all i can do is help, but He decides. still, everything He decides has a reason to make it happen. what if i'm the reason? what if i screw up?

after a while maybe i'll get used to it. maybe i won't even be bothered by it. "oops, too late. time of death? ok. ah, look, i'm late for my date too". but what if i'll never be okay with people dying everyday in front of me? i know what type of a person i am. deaths affect me. sickness affects me. being unable to do anything to help affects me. it will be so frustrating.

but you know what? that frustrating part, if we do it right, will be deeply rewarding.

3. Not a workaholic type

aku jenis orang yang suka dok diam tak buat pape. aku bukan orang yang ke sini ke sana. tapi nak jadi manusia kan, kenala belajar, kerja jugak. cuma bukan cara doktor. some people find it interesting to have no life, to just work and work and work and go home all tired, and sleep. i find it interesting too, macam cool la cara hidup macam tu. ala-ala Meredith Grey, Christina Yang gitu. tapi aku taknak hidup camtu. aku nak work, go home, watch tv, read, eat, sleep and sleep and sleep. haha dasar pemalas.

study a few years longer more than others? 36 hours on call? all work and no play? doesn't sound like me to me. sure, i don't look like of those extroverts who enjoy going out and do all sorts of stuffs, but i find joy in something(s) else. and i sure want to have more than enough time for my husband and kids if i'm ever going to be married. i don't want to be a workaholic wife and a busy mommy, sure one can always juggle, but i'm not one of those people.

sebenarnya, aku nak jadi suri rumah je. serious. kenapa? rasa surirumah loser? nanti aku up entry pasal kenapa aku nak jadi surirumah k. and actually, jadi surirumah lagi penat daripada kerja lain. tapi aku fikir logikla, kalau takde sape nak kawen ngan aku camne nak jadi surirumah kan? lololol. aku ada cita-cita pun dah cukup bagus dah ni. lolol lagi.

4. Too many future doctors already

this is not really my reason, but it's the recent situation. so i might as well have it mentioned. i don't know why everyone is so obsessed with taking medic and being a doctor. maybe because it's famous. because of the status, the salary. because of the money. i know someone who wanna do medic for all the wrong reasons.

you wanna be a doctor to save lives? because you want to do good deeds in this bad world? SO BE A DOCTOR. but if you want to be one without knowing why or because other people tell you to or it's the trend now so you just go with it - SERIOUSLY? i guess you're smart enough to be a doctor, but please be smart enough to not be shallow too. you won't last long if you don't really do it because you want to do it.

have you heard? there's an oversupply of housemen in Malaysia now. they don't know where to place a whole bunch of medic grads every year. yes, we need more doctors, but specialist doctors. so you've got more work to do to secure a place.

seeing the country's situation and society's perception, i sometimes hope i have interests in something which makes money and earns respect and acknowledgement. but at least i do something different. i know i have my own interests and passion.

5. This is for other reasons i forget to mention. hehe

you know, i actually have it too, what my friend Peqah has - the goosebumps and misty eyes whenever i go to hospitals and feel the serenity, where lives are saved, where doctors work their ass off so patients can wipe their own ass without counting on others. "i want to be here, to be a part of this place". hospitals are so inspiring. maybe i will be in one, but not as a doctor. who knows?

being a doctor has never been my ambition, unlike being a soldier and a businesswoman (after my father, putting aside my actual ability), an astronaut (darjah 3), a lawyer (darjah 5), an astronomer (maybe i'm better off gazing at the moon only), a writer (will be, insyaallah), and a rightly-called-psychologist (if i feel like doing PhD).

well i don't know exactly what my future is, but for now i don't see myself being a doctor.

anyway, this is something i get from a doctor in a forum:

"Criteria of a Malaysian Govt Doctor.

1. No life outside medicine; this includes dating, sports, chores for your parents and visiting the toilet *sigh*

2. Not to live with your parents. Move out ASAP as they will never understand the ludicrous working hours that u go through. Furthermore, chores are not suitable for u as to rule No. 1.

3. Not to be married until completion of all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service as u will be transferred left and right to some of the most remote Govt clinics in Malaysia. Having wife and kids to follow you to your new working area may increase high level of stress on all parties. Furthermore, if your spouse is a Govt Doctor, he/she will also be transferred away from u and no matter what appeal is made, KKM will put up a deaf ear (unless u have big cables).

4. If married, no to have children until u finish all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service, as to which u and your spouse will not have much time for your children or they end up not recognizing u and refer the Indonesian maid as their mother (change in language patterns commonly follow).

5. To obtain life insurance once your govt service begins as there are accidents during work. Don't be fooled, Doctoring in Malaysia is hazardous.

6. Able to withstand 36 hours of non stop work and stress without mistakenly labeling Left for Right or uvula for vulva...wakaka...ada ker dr. bley tertukar uvula ngan vulva??hihi..

7. To buy a car with complete safety features (like I'm doing) which includes multiple airbags, ABS, EBD, side-front-rear-top-parallel and diagonal impact bars and seat belts to ensure survivability if u are involved in an accident because your driving resembled a drunkard maniac after working in the hospital for 40 hrs non stop.

8. Constant supply of coffee----true..so true...ehehe....

9. Nicotine Patch as u will have the urge to start smoking due to overwhelming stress--- hmmmm..???

10. Interest in watching medical sitcoms such as House MD, Scrubs, ER, Grays Anatomy and Chicago Hope to inspire u to continue your life as a doctor as the exciting things u see on TV does not resemble the real life of a Malaysian govt doctor--- haha....

11. Not to have any pets or plants (not even cactuses) as u will have no time to feed or care for them and eventually all will end up in your mortuary---boley dissect ramai2....kui3....

12. Able to endure the stench of your own sweat as to when 36 hours "on call" does not permit u time to bathe or freshen up---- euwww...wut to do...

13. Able to carry on working without food or water over 15 hours. ( I was in OT for 16 hrs without food, water or bathroom breaks). If during fasting month, able to break your fast with water for injection as u had no time to buy food----uhuhu....

14. Able to come to work with fever/cough/illness or physical disability (sprained ankle etc) as to which doctors do not deserve MCs. (My MO was on crutches during rounds)------haiyaaaa.......

15. Able to stand scolding, destructive criticism, kiss ass behaviors, racial bias, finger pointing, scape goating, and in competency from your superiors--- lookin' forward to be criticised!!!(yeah rite!!!)uwaaa!!!

16. Able to withstand the jealousy when your friends call u up for some fun and ur stuck in the

hospital during on call----hampeh....ni mmg tak aci..huhu..

The list goes on. These requirements should be sent out to all doctor wannabes and for them to determine if their life coincides with the Malaysian Medical Health service of doctors under KKM

To those who want to apply for medicine, think carefully before you apply...although these look extreme...but somehow it might be true..however become a doctor is good choice..but be prepare to work hard if u get it... "




so well, like what has been advised above, please think it through. i'm a fan of Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, and House too, and i think woaa so awesome la to have a life like that, but the reality is far from what you see on tv. i love watching these shows and thinking of a life as a doctor, but i know my reality.








do you?


good luck in whatever you want to be or do!

How was FELDA Global Group Scholarship Award's Interview?

So, straight to business -

1st stage : English Assessment

2nd stage : Mathematics Assessment

3rd stage : Group Interview

4th stage aka the second interview if you pass all the stages above and are called in mid May : One-to-one interview with the board of directors :O

scribbling while waiting

datang je, terus buat kawan dengan tah sape-sape. topic biasa ialah biasiswa dan temuduga. teringat dulu masa form 3 selalu baca blog senior pasal hal ni, sekarang giliran saya pula. sirius tetiba rasa dewasa :') 

there's this Ampang Chinese guy (he's the nearest one besides me who i met, others were from Kelantan, Johor, every corner of Peninsular la) who sat besides me while waiting to be called in (we're in second session on monday, the evening session). he applied for almost everything i applied and even more, but was only called twice, the first one being Khazanah. unlike Felda's interview which we have to go through all the stages, Khazanah's actually eliminated interviewees after every round. that guy did not pass the first stage. and later that day i found out what he got in SPM : 9 A+'s and 2 A's :O

i applied for Khazanah, UEM :(, Axiata, Felda. rejected by all, except Felda obviously. actually Felda was among other scholarships which i applied for the sake of luck, like "oh, another one. online, nothing required, hm easy... apply je la". tetiba kena panggil, alhamdulillah.

people who i met had been called averagely once only too. they were all from 7 A+'s-and-above bunch ok. now i don't feel like such a loser anymore for being rejected by UEM :') that Chinese guy was also rejected. i mean, i want to know why i didn't make it. because i'm satisfied with my resume, and i can't see why everyone with better results would apply for Psychology. i thought the competition wasn't fierce :(

did i make technical mistakes? was there a server error? i don't mind if i didn't deserve it, but it would really be so stupid of me if i was the one who didn't do it right.

and then i found out that 5000++ applications were received for Felda, and only 300 applicants were called for the interview. woaaa.... and then i thought, i was lucky after all :)

The assessments

English assessment was quite confusing but overall okay. pernah buat University of South Wales English Assessment tu? aku buat dua tahun, and Felda punya lebih kurang jugaklah. South Wales cover semua area, factual, literature, etc. but Felda more to comprehension only. you read short articles with complex sentences, and answer questions which have been twisted your mind will be twisted a bit as well.

but you will not know the meaning of difficult until you do the mathematics assessment. all curses and swears reserved. taktaulah orang lain pun rasa susah atau otak aku je dah berkerak 5 bulan tak bergerak. i suggest just practice using your calculator again sebab seriously, aku nak tekan pun dah tersasul-sasul dah. lembab lambat gila. bukan je kebolehan intelek lambat, tapi kebolehan mekanikal pun lambat.

i was sure of my fate with Felda, just as much as how i was unsure of almost every question :'D

pastu rehat jap, makan kalau nak. oh sebelum semua start, after register pun makan jugak. aku tak lalu nak makan sebab otak dah takleh bernafas diseksa oleh kerja kira-kira, pastu sebab aku ngantuk macam biasa. time tu dah pukul 5 petang kot, tradisila untuk dibuai mimpi. sementara tunggu sorang-sorang kena panggil untuk group interview pun mata aku dah meleleh-leleh berair mulut dah besar munguap.

tak senonoh betul. padahal orang lain yang datang semua duduk straight dan serius je, semua mean business.

The Interview

nama aku dipanggil, the third group. oh aku kumpulan dengan Chinese guy tadi! and budak pompuan yang first tegur aku masa baru sampai tadi! hai awak! *lambai*. dia dengan aku je melayu, lagi 4 orang semua cina. they should have sorted us into groups earlier so we could mingle and not be awkward with each other.

masuk bilik interview, menggigil. hall tadi pun dah sejuk, tapi bilik ni lagi sejuk. aku duduk depan interviewer tangan dengan mulut dah menggeletar, bukan cuak, tapi beku punya pasal. ada budak pompuan cina pakai skirt sampai lutut, god i could only imagine how she must have felt. or was i the only one who was shivering? does it mean lapisan lemak telah berkurang? tett, off topic.

the interviewers: 1 friendly lady who did all the talking, 1 not-so-gentleman who interrupted just to ask provocative questions, and 1 silent-man who didn't say anything the whole time.

the lady asked us to tell a bit about ourselves, where we were from, our previous school and our greatest personal achievement. keep it short and simple, she said.

that Ampang dude volunteered first, and i thought i would too after him because i could not stand the cold. the sooner the better. that dude took a long time, the lady tried to stop him a couple of times without success. i was like "cepaaatla maaan" dalam hati and then she stopped him eventually, but the other Malay girl was quicker, so i had to listen to her talking for what felt like 2 minutes only.. because i was sure it was.

boys and girls, besides the tips i have shared, let me stress out how important it is to think quickly, response calmly, talk confidently and practice your freaking english! she was all but any of that, kesian dia. the interviewers were getting rather impatient and stopped her. maybe she wasn't done yet, but it seemed like she hasn't even really started, so maybe it was the best because the rest of us were getting a lil awkward.

and then i talked. i tried to keep it short and simple, but did not leave out anything i wanted to mention. lol i even included some lessons i got from an experience. she even asked me a bit about this and that and i answered, it was like a conversation and then, done. phewh, still alive.

The Discussion/Presentation

they instructed us to go to a round table, pick a topic, discuss and present it. ada something about nuclear, and then women's equality, and others that involved facts and needed a lot of research, so we chose something i would have chosen if it was asked in exam, which was 'win-win strategy is the best solution'.

during the discussion i voiced out my opinions and suggestions, checked which point is whose and.... awkwardly asked the other Malay girl "how about you?" she just shrugged it off and smiled awkwardly too. she was silent the whole time so i thought i better bring out the best of her.

after a Chinese girl had introduced our topic and whatnot, apparently there's a point which we overlooked it or was not sure who's gonna be talking about it. that girl pointed at me, "amalina?" i was like dem i am not prepared! ah ok fine, talk anyway. so i did, and surprisingly lagi banyak aku bercakap pasal tu daripada point yang memang dah ada dalam kepala. phewh, survived.

after that, duduk balik sederet depan interviewers, sembang sikit and tanya soalan pape.what we found out was last year, FELDA sponsor 7 orang sahaja ye. why so sikit? sebab this is a sponsorship, those scholars will be bonded, so that's why dorang ambik sikit je sebab nak make sure ada tempat untuk dorang kerja.

lady : unlike some companies, they sponsor hundreds of scholars, but when they all graduate at the same time, most of them will be unemployed.

us : oh we see. how long is the bond?

lady : ten years. *think so, but not sure bout this might have forgotten the real answer*

us : woa rly?!

lady : why? is that bad?

us: no that's good - yes don't have to worry about jobs - everything is figured out - cool

most of us (except the other Malay girl) applied for engineering or biotech (me!), so she talked about how there's a research center in Negeri Sembilan for biotech so if i get it i will work there. if i don't, nevermind this is a good experience and i had fun and all... when suddenly the not-so-gentleman asked the other Malay girl why did she choose accounting and what's her plan after she finishes her degree. she stuttered and hesitated, ending up not saying anything and smiling awkwardly, while the guy was provoking "hmm? hmm?" and we were all like oh god if i were you i would have answered just anything, at least talk la why do you want to be an accountant and your plan, heck the answer's already there aren't you gonna be bonded later so obviously you will work for Felda for a while and then go la to some banks or companies or anything!

thank goodness the awkwardness surrounded the lady as well and she said "ok, that's all" and then before we left the room i shaked her hands and said "thank you for this opportunity," only the other Malay girl and i did and then we left and that's it.

me after my first ever interview, all berminyak dan serabai

it was 6.30 pm, it was raining heavily.

phewh, it was not that bad after all ;)

i want moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Interviews : The Don'ts and Dos

Isnin lepas aku pergi interview pertama dalam sejarah hidup aku, ye aku nak cerita la ni untuk kebaikan mereka yang google tips interview scholarship atau lagi spesifik, tips untuk Felda Global Interview yo.

before that, let's talk about the do's and don'ts ok? i will just cover the basic ones that you probably know already, well since i'm the captain obvious. but just in case some of us do not share the same common sense or haven't done any research, this might be a new "woaaa, rly ar?" to you.

1. Getcha Ingrish Rite

even if you know all the topics in the world but you can't deliver them confidently or properly, be prepared to be rejected. work on your english first before anything else, especially verbal communication. if you find no problem writing scholarship essays, answering the interviewer's questions, conversing with group mates and presenting your points, this is the perfect time to thank the teachers who tortured you with presentations, impromptu speeches and all those useful craps and also your friends who gossiped with you in english. because really, that helps in the case of yours truly.

2. Getcha Things Sorted

dari sekolah rendah aku simpan semua sijil dalam clear holder file. semangat tak? i give myself credit for that since i knew i must be active in co-curriculum activities so i could get myself into boarding schools after UPSR. i did get in one, i got out later, but the obsession with certificates never ends because i still want to study overseas or at least, in decent local universities. bila orang lain punya sijil beterbangan ditiup angin atau jadi alas makan nasi lemak supaya meja tak berminyak, sijil koko and akademik aku tersusun rapi :')

see, everything pink le. so Legally Blond le. nampak tak file pink striking kat tengah tu? penuh dengan sijil sekolah rendah sampai sekolah menengah, dengan copy sekali. tak senonoh nak bawak file camni. so aku beli file yang comel je pink dia kat sebelah tu ngan file plastik pink lagi satu untuk susun. camne susun?

camni -

file pink striking yang gemuk telah jadi tembam sahaja since the certificates have been transferred to the soft pink file. except for sijil sekolah rendahlah, apa cite nak bawak gi interview. tp mungkin boleh bermain dgn psikologi interviewer ; "kesian budak ni, sampai bawak sijil darjah 4, kasi jela dia".

file yang aku bawa gi interview ialah soft pink file. the original copies are divided into sections ; examination results (aku letak semua result exam dari form 3, ye maksudnya ujian pertama form 3 sampai result SPM), academic certificates (korang letakla sijil dapat semua A ke, anugerah pelajar pape ke, tempat pertama ke, semua yang ada), co-curricular certificates (dari form 1 jugak, yela apa fungsinya aku semangat masuk macam-macam siap simpan sijil dengan penuh kasih sayang kalau setakat nak buat kenangan je kan?), documents (sijil berhenti sekolah, recommendation letter, ic, etc).

aku kepilkan certified copies yang dorang mintak/tak mintak ikut kategori yang disusun dalam file soft pink. pastu masukkan dalam file soft pink atau file pink plastic tu. suka hatila letak celah mana pun asalkan teratur dan tak tercicir. oh ye, make sure ada checklist (macam kat laptop tu) biasanya dorang provide, kalau tak buat sendiri le supaya takde tertinggal.

3. Getcha CV/Resume Done

ada certain scholarships and interviews yang nak CV, ada tak perlu tapi kalau ada, lagi bagus la kot since dorang belek je CV dua page kau, terus tau kau budak camne kat sekolah. it gives a good impression la and remember, good impressions matter.

sebelum tu asal tengok scholarship yang kena CV je, aku tak apply sebab malas. padahal dah lama godek Google untuk tengok format resume, tapi tak pernah buat. esok nak interview baru buat malam ni, gelabah tanya senior camne. thanks Kak Nad :)

lebih kurang camnila formatnye:

tolong jangan highlight, itu hanyalah dibuat untuk format agar jelas di mata anda. tolong jangan conteng juga, itu tujuannya untuk privacy. ce konon.

CV untuk kerja, biasanya lebih spesifik, maksudnya masukkan maklumat berkaitan pekerjaan tu je. tapi ni CV untuk belajar, so aku masukkan semua maklumat yang ada. bila aku cakap aku takkan sia-siakan sijil dan pengalaman aku, aku serius. amekaw dari form 1 semua masuk resume.

4. Getcha FAQs Known

one can always assume what the interviewers would ask, or since we live in these modern days where knowledge is only at our fingertip, i suggest you GO GOOGLE LA. once you know what are the FAQs, start reading related materials or look it up on the the internet. practice by talking alone or with people, in front of the mirror or when excretion takes too long to complete due to the lack of vegies you consumed yesterday. or if you're too lazy like me to speak out loud and worried that your precious voice box might be worn out, just type it. type whatever that comes to your mind and then edit le to make it sound better.

5. Getta Proper Manner and Attire (GET A, NOT GHETTO K)

be confident of yourself, respect the interviewers, be moderate and do not dominate the discussion or presentation session with group members, yet be noticeable and memorable, avoid wearing things which you will be mistaken as going to kenduri kahwin or lepak-ing kat KLCC, just be yourself, talk with passion and be honest answering any question.


there you go. bye bye and good luck!

OK FINALLY, FELDA GLOBAL GROUP SCHOLARSHIP AWARD'S INTERVIEW.




here. heheh.

Why I Choose Psychology? Dis Iz Y

soalan standard bagi budak pas SPM ialah... "awak nak sambung belajar apa nanti?"

tapi jawapan aku tak sestandard jawapan budak lain. aku jawab something yang buatkan aku dapat reaksi macam-macam, macamni -

ada "hah?"

ada "woa"

ada "oh..."

ada "apa?!"

ada "rly?"

ye, rly, aku rasa bosaaan nak kena explain kenapa aku pilih course ni. jadi aku nak blog pasal kenapa aku pilih...

PSYCHOLOGY.

hah? woa. oh... apa?! rly?

keluarga, saudara mara, kawan-kawan, jiran tetangga, cikgu-cikgu, senior-senior, junior-junior dan pembaca yang budiman yang tah ada tah takde, fokus k, fokus. aku nak cerita ni.

masa kecik zaman sekolah rendah, aku miserable.

tapi aku takde tempat nak cerita. aku masuk bilik, nangis diam-diam, maki bantal maki dinding. aku bukan macam budak sekarang yang asal emo je, kuar rumah, buat benda mengarut. aku nak rebel pun, aku fikir akibatnye. sebab aku takleh buat pape, aku tahan sorang-sorang. kau tau tak betapa menyedihkan bila seorang budak kena hidup macamtu?

so dari kecik, walaupun taktau apa cita-cita, aku tau aku nak tolong orang. aku nak tolong orang yang rasa takde sape nak tolong dia, takde sape faham, takde sape nak dengar. sebab dulu, aku perlukan sangat orang macam tu. dulu, aku tak cakap pasal personal stuffs macam sekarang, so memang rasa terperangkap dalam fikiran dengan emosi yang dah macam hujan lebat, puting beliung, kilat sambat menyambar dah.

dulu, aku nak jadi cam Fadhilah Kamsah. cuma more to kerja belakang tabir. taknak aku masuk tv, eee. selain tu, sebab ni jugaklah aku nak jadi penulis. apa pun aku jadi nanti, aku still akan jadi penulis. i've made myself a promise, long ago and i will stick to it.

aku try jadi a good listener dengan kawan-kawan. aku try jadi a good secret keeper. sebab how nice it is to have someone to listen to us and who we can share our secrets with, right? mula-mula dorang datang cakap pasal benda kecik macam ada crush. masa sekolah rendah dulu, akulah middle person semua orang.

pastu dorang mula cerita masalah, dorang anggap aku confidant. dorang cakap dorang percaya aku. kau tau tak betapa aku terharu bila tau aku ada peranan dalam hidup orang? yang aku dapat buat orang feel better?

ya, bukan susah jadi a good listener, a good secret keeper. tapi bukan semua orang rasa jadi macamtu ialah sesuatu yang bermakna.

bila tau masalah orang, aku dapat timbang masalah sendiri. bila tolong orang, aku dapat tolong diri sendiri. i'm a type of person who gets so much from giving to others. sebab tu lah aku cuba kasi apa aku boleh kasi, walaupun orang lain tak kesah. bila aku tak dapat kasi macam aku nak kasi, aku pulak yang rasa bersalah.

As I grow older, I become more passionate about helping people at a personal level, making a difference in someone’s life, and giving an impact so meaningful it will make my life meaningful too. 

satu hari, aku jumpa Psychology. memang jatuh cinta pandang pertama. makin kenal, makin cinta. sebab Psychology is so much more than sitting on a black chair listening to people crying and complaining. kalau nak tau lebih, sebab lain aku dah terpikat dengan course ni, tekan sini, tempat aku blog apa itu Psychology.

aku nak faham manusia, aku nak bagi manusia faham manusia, aku nak bagi sesetengah manusia yang tak faham sedar benda yang dorang patut faham, aku nak bagi sesetengah manusia yang tak faham bahasa, terasa. sebab apa yang kau rasa common sense, mungkin tak make sense kat manusia lain.

dulu bila orang tanya aku nak jadi apa? aku cakap taktau. i had the idea, but i was not sure. pas SPM baru aku betul-betul buat research pasal Psychology. walaupun banyak risiko, terutama kat Malaysia, aku nak jugak. kau ingat takde sape halang aku? takde sape yang perkecilkan pilihan aku?

kau akan tau yang kau betul-betul nakkan sesuatu tu, bila kau tau semua kekurangan pilihan kau, tapi takde apa yang halang kau daripada buat pilihan tu.

ingat aku tak risau pasal masa depan aku? aku risau, aku banyak fikir, aku susah nak buat keputusan, sebab tu lah lama baru aku boleh jawab soalan standard tu, dengan jawapan "Psychology".

UPU, pilihan pertama aku boleh bawak ke Bachelor in Psychology. ada dua pilihan lain yang kalau boleh tukar, still dapat ambik Psychology. kalau takleh, 1/5 jelah peluang aku. back up plan, biology/physiology/physics. sebab aku mintak semua asasi, so options tu sentiasa terbuka. tapi back up plan aku, sekadar ada interest, takdela sampai ada passion. kalau kena interview atau buat essay pasal psychology, laju je jawab. kalau untuk yang lain, terkulat-kulat kena google before i write, think before i speak dulu.


scholarship, yang offer psychology ada satu je.

UEM.

and guess what?


aku tak dapat. tak. dapat.


kecewa memanglah kecewa, tapi entah, aku rasa 18 tahun hidup ni dah ajar aku untuk fikir maybe Allah will give me something better later. maybe that will be a bad choice. maybe. i will never know, won't i? tapi kau tau tak tahap kekecewaan yang aku patut hadapi sekarang? dalam banyak-banyak scholarship, satu tu je yang offer psychology DAN untuk study oversea DAN memang diketahui ramai bagus. aku bukan mintak medic, aku mintak psychology je pun. tapi tak dapat. ni semua straight A+'s ambik psychology ke apa ni?


oh dan ada lagi satu - Maybank.




hukum biasiswa dari Maybank ialah harus. harus atas haram. tapi harus, boleh kalau dah takde pilihan lain. kalau aku apply semua scholarship, pastu kena reject, macam aku dah kena reject dengan UEM and Petronas yang aku tak kisah pun, dengan JPA taknak sponsor sebab tak layak, tapi tetiba Maybank je yang sudi sponsor aku study, itu maksudnya aku takde pilihan lain, aku terpaksa. ya, IPTA ada. tapi kalau aku tak dapat UIA macam mana?


having that said, i'm still applying for Maybank Scholarship. watch me do it. kalau tu bukan yang terbaik untuk aku, aku takkan dapat. tapi at least aku cuba.

after a while, i got tired of wondering how the future will be and worrying if there will be jobs for me. i believe in rezeki. and if i have rezeki to study Psychology, Alhamdulillah. i want to study psychology, and we'll see from there where it will take me. ada rezeki atau tak, tu Allah je tau. 

kalau ikut pilihan aku, aku memang nak Psychology.

yes society, not medic, not engineering, not anything i will be just for the status and the salary. maybe if you care enough to know more about Psychology, you will not question my choice.

if you choose to be something because of the status or the salary, you haven't grown up much honey. be a doctor or an engineer if it's your passion, not because it gives others good impression.

Psychology is mine. If we do something we love, we have better chances to achieve success and feel satisfied. I wouldn’t want to study and work half-heartedly, dreading the beginning of another day and dragging my feet to the end of it just to face the same routine the next day.

Ya Allah, please guide us to the right path, for You're The All-Knowing. and i don't know a thing. stop us from making the wrong choices, and help make our journey easy.

Amin.

Bila AB Family Ada AB House

Hujung minggu lepas ialah hujung minggu bersuka ria. mana tak bersuka rianya kalau asyik makan, gelak, sembang, diselubungi asap feeling kabus obersi, makan, nyanyi dengan harmoni, makan, diterangi flash camera feeling fair and lovely, semuanya sebab ada...

AB Family in da haus yo!

kitorang tak buat jamuan biasa - yang semua lebih fokus terhadap makanan berbanding rakan, tangkap gambar sekali dua cheese cekek click, pastu semua bai dan bersurai, bawa haluan sendiri. ada yang gi movie, shopping, karoke, ada jugak yang balik tido sebab perut penuh suka hati, tak syok la camtu.


so kitorang buat jamuan + BBQ + sleepover! wehooo! *cheer*

thanks Cikgu Norliah Si Bekas Guru Kelas (BEKAS WUU) yang sudi offer rumah beliau untuk diporakperandakan oleh bekas anak-anak murid (WUU LAGI). weh, nak dekat 30 orang weh, muat ke weh? dun fret ma fren, kerana sesungguhnya rumah beliau besar. mana lagi nak dapat tuan rumah yang tak kesah kau buat parti sampai ke pagi, dengan pompuan mengilai macam hantu, laki memburgerkan diri? ok boleh kalau semua boleh hulur duit. tapi yang free? takdenyeee.

tapi keporakperandaan tu kitorang yang uruskan jugak. biasalah, semua dah besar. tsk tsk.

membasuh

memotong

memasak

meniup

menangkap

membakar

membuang

memandu. bangga dan terharu untuk rakan yang drive sampai Kajang di sebelahku, tsk. inilah dia reaction orang yang driving class pun tak register lagi. malaslah. nak register untuk driver boleh?

eh sat. ni semua pompuan ni. mana lelaki? mana jasa dan bakti? oh ada, ada.

me-waiter

mengipas

melantak

mengarut

thanks kawan-kawan. thanks semua yang ada, anda memeriahkan malam saya :'D thanks semua yang membantu, anda mengenyangkan saya :"D

kawan-kawan

meriah

kenyang

tapi masih makan lagi SAPE TAK SUKA MAKAN TIPU

dah pukul berapa pagi baru masuk rumah. kalau tak duduk berembun kat luar kongsi segala cerita yang ada termasuklah ceritera cinta Mosen yang menyebabkan insiden ayam terbang berlaku. dah masuk pun, ada kitorang tido? zon dak laki terhad di tingkat bawah supaya pompuan boleh menggila dengan bebas di atas. bilik cukup untuk semua tapi nak gak ramai-ramai berhimpit kat hall luar spend time together aww. sampai 3, 4 pagi bercelak, berinai yang aku bawak dari Mekah. mulalah photoshoot gaya dak-dak pavi. tapi bukan dak-dak fountain k, ni dak-dak pavi yang ada taraf yang dok kat dalam, ACTUALLY shopping. bahahaa

i don't know what's with girls and cerita hantu. agaknya dah habis cerita orang hidup untuk dibincangkan. bak kata Peqah, Pejah yang dari bilik dia selitkan kepala kat pintu bilik aku jap semata-mata nak sampaikan cerita hantu terbaru. lepas dengar, kitorang diam satu saat... pastu semua menjerit "ARGHHH!" "WTF!" kuat gila satu rumah dengar kot. hantu pun takut.

esoknya, pas subuh pun bercerita lagi. kalau dah nama pompuan kan. pastu baru sedar diri tu dah anak dara, kenalah turun siapkan sarapan. 

dak pompuan buat spaghetti, burger. dak laki yang dahlah lambat bangun, lambat siap pulak tu, sampai meja makan tengok tinggal makanan semalam je. kesian, sorry. hewhew.

lepas makan...... PHOTOSHOOT LAGI! aww photoshoot, feeling Hanis Zalikha.

COMEL KAN

CAK!!!

semangat betul us girlsss. bila sampai kat them boys, ha amekaw

nak kena marah baru ada gaya 

*aku kat tepi marah*

"bukankah rumah cikgu ini amat cantik landskapnya? mari ke luar dengan camera!"

"mari semua!"

awww <3 p="p">

"bukankah bergambar di laman belakang berlatarkan kehijauan alam amat menarik?"

"iya! ayuh kalian!"

lelaki takkan pernah paham betapa pentingnya gambar dalam hidup wanita. mereka tidak berjaya dipaksa  pergi ke laman belakang :( takpe, korang yang rugi takde dalam gambar comel dan ceria kitorang, hmph *dengus*

comel dan ceria 1

comel dan ceria 2

memang dulu masa baru masuk 4 AB, aku taktau aku akan dapat kawan-kawan camni. ye, kitorang ramai, banyak click sendiri. biasalah tu. tapi bila sampai masa macam weekend ni, bila ada drama, crisis, bual bicara, rancangan gossip terkini, dan macam-macam peristiwa lagi, kitorang takde hal jadi one big AB Family. being through some things together, it makes a friendship meaningful. ada yang dalam 1, 2 tahun ni jadi sangat sangat rapat, kongsi rahsia, cerita, air mata, ketawa mengilai semua ada, it makes a friendship for a lifetime, insyaallah.

these are the moments which when i look back, maybe will make me cry, and definitely will make me smile. this is the last time almost all of us are together before heading down different paths. hopefully in the future, we will do this again, with different versions of us, but the friendship is still the same. ukhwah fillah :)

for now,

goodbye friends :')