On Mother's Day, We Watched Pensil.

tekan sini untuk Cerita Hari Ibu.

Kesian mak aku, dia duduk rumah macam hari biasa, takda yang istimewa. aku insist on cooking for her, tapi dia kata ma nak baring depan TV taknak dok dapur. apa pulak, aku yang nak masak. dia kata akhirnya dia kena jugak masuk dapur, sebab aku ni agak tak berguna kalau masak sorang-sorang.

aku tanya ma nak makan apa-apa tak? aku belanja. tapi dia taknak. aku paksa maa ambekla duit aku ni haa, hadiah Hari Ibu, dia taknak. dah macam-macam aku paksa untuk buat harini kurang boring seperti biasa, tapi ma aku taknak.

baguslah kalau mak aku memang bukan jenis orang yang selalu sentimental emotional macam aku, dia bukan orang yang ambek pot pasal benda remeh temeh. walaupun sekarang takda sapa datang untuk raikan dia, untuk bawak keluar makan jalan-jalan, beza gila dengan masa babah aku ada pastu babah bawak makan dekat kelab semua, dia takda sayu-sayu.

aku pulak yang sayu tengok dia. jadi kitorang memang habiskan harini macam biasa.

salah satu agenda ialah tengok cerita Pensil.

standing ovation untuk Badrul. aku ingat dia cacat betul sebab orang normal tak boleh berlakon cacat begitu convincing sekali. rupanya dia memang normal, a convert and a teacher lagi. and first time aku suke Mak Mah berlakon, sangat nenek idaman. cerita ni best, it gives us a different dish with local flavours, satisfying my appetite which cant take anymore typical stories of lame love and haunting spirits, stories so Malaysian. sayangnya orang kita tak pergi masuk panggung untuk tengok cerita macamni, diorang nak tengok cerita yang berwarna warni dan pelakonnya cun dan ganteng yang takde isi tersembunyi.

walaupun mak aku bukan jenis yang menangis mengenangkan nasib diri, tapi dia dan aku sama-sama menangis mengenangkan nasib Badrul. bila tengok si Badrul tu bejalan senget benget dengan cara kelam kabut ala-ala budak terlebih gula, aku gelak. bila dia bermanja dengan nenek dia, aku senyum. antara yang best time dia nangis dekat nenek dia, mengadu orang kampung kata dia pencuri. nenek dia kata sabar, kita ada Allah, doa, Allah tolong.

time tu aku rasa nasihat tu kena dekat aku, maka mengalirlah air mata lagi. kalau ada orang macam nenek tu dalam hidup aku, memang air mata cepat kering rasanya.

pasal dia kawan ngn Jalil Hamid tu memang comel. dua-dua macam gila. tapi sebenarnya diorang lain. Badrul tu physically challenged je tapi otak dia okay, dia ingat Allah, dia fikir, dia sayang mak dia yang bangang tu, dia jual barang, dia doa. tapi Jalil Hamid pulak fizikal sempurna tapi mentally challenged, terbayang-bayang kisah silam dia, tak dapat beza mana betul mana tidak sampaikan Badrul kena ingatkan dia pasal Allah. they really make a good pair.

masa ending dia, memang aku kecewa sebab kita ditinggalkan tertanya-tanya.

aku godek google, baru aku tau ni cerita betul, patutlah takda ending. mungkin Badrul sebenar masih ada, living and kicking, takkanlah kita nak tulis ending dia kan? mula-mula aku kata "alah ini kan cerita, kita tengok cerita nak tau awal dan akhir, kasilah penghabisan dia apa".

pastu aku tukar statement aku,

"rupanya ini real life story, hidup takda TAMAT atau SELESAI, jadi walaupun hidup Badrul amatlah sucks, mungkin happy ending dia jauh lagi, kita cuma kena wait and see, macam hidup kita sendiri."

The Best Mother Ever.

I've already posted many posts about my mother, some for her and some of her in between any related topics. still, i want to write something, just something, for i am an unbelievably my mama's daughter ;)

the history of Mother's day in my family, just like other supposedly celebrated days, the atmosphere is fading away. when my dad was here, on Mother's Day or mama's birthday or their anniversary or ordinary day even, he would buy flowers for my mom. huge, so huge you might think he gave her a bed of roses. he gave her jeweleries, too. or handbags.

mama never asks for anything. but babah always knew what she wants. mama just stole a quick glance at the new arrival at Habib, and babah would force her to go into the shop and pick what she desired. babah gave her cards, cards so carefully written with beautiful words i cried reading them. man mama was lucky to have had such husband, but she's not anymore.

my brothers were all in their Mother's Day mood when they were abroad. cards each year, with the music flowing when you open them, expensive. but when they are here, the cards are not annual anymore. sometimes they give it, sometimes they don't. maybe because they feel slightly embarrass to do so, after all they are boys and expressing deep emotions is much easier when you are kilometers apart.

i totally understand because i was like them too. when i was little, saying 'i love you' to mama was a really tough quest. we did cards, drew pictures, but as i remember it i have never passed those to her. my friends would take out their RM 2 to buy gifts at the bookshop, i bought them but was too coward and ended up keeping them for myself.

when i was in standard 3 maybe, i bought a pink pen with the sweet-smelling ink, and finally had the guts to give it to my mother but without any wish or so. i just shoved it i her palm and said "adek rasa hari ni Mother's day, nah hadiah untuk mama".

it is different now, though. now i have developed an annoying 'anak manja' habit. i say i love her everyday, i kiss her, i hug her, i stick with her as much as i can. i ask her to cuddle me like a baby, and she would say "dulu mama nak peluk taknak, malulah apalah sekarang mengada-ngada pulak". my mother is not like moms you see in tv, she is not the type who comes to her daughter and ask "what bothers you". so i have to come to her and show that i care about her. i will force her to listen to me. i will force her to tell me if she's not alright.

she's not a modern mom with great job and high salary and a PhD. she is my mom, the best and flawless still who taught me to read Al-Quran when i was 3, count numbers, read books even before i knew what kindergarten was, she is my first and the best teacher.

she has been there for me all the time. she knows about my hatred, school crush and sadness. she has seen the best and the worst of me. i have made her cry so many times. i was not a good daughter, i was terrible 6 years back. yeah, i did break my mother's heart repeatedly. i am not proud of it, but i do feel grateful for being such an ass at that such young age, for now i have regretted how awful i was and i try to redeem it.

i think that is why i am so manja now, because i've done big mistakes and i feel remorse. just how some big sinners are more saint once they repent than ordinary people. i have grown up, i pray 24/7 for her best. i want to be with her as long as i can. i tell her everything i feel about her, i want her to know how much i love her and how much i try to change, i want her to notice that.

i would take a bullet for her, but i know she is too quick and would shield me first.

Happy Mother's Day Mama, even a billion cloned mothers with desired characteristics cant even beat you in my list, in anyone's list even.

My Notes Are Yours.

so Kak Nurlin has wished me good luck for mid year exam, which i haven't done anything about it just yet. maybe you have read from one of my latest posts about me determining not to go online until after the exam is over. oh well, typical me.

i sit my butt in front of computer even a day before PMR, so what did ya expect.

as i have already moaned about, my choral speaking practices arent going to last before 17 May. i practically have like, one week after that to study. gosh i (not surprisingly) cant find the time to study, but i obviously am devoted to daily routines. you know, afternoon nap, newspapers, Friends, Scrubs and stuffs. shoot when will these end?

such uncontrollable laziness results in me sleeping at 1 or 2 am, finishing homeworks. which leads me to drink nescafe first thing in the morning, which causes me to be annoyingly hyperactive at school. and the cycle goes on and on.

i dont know whether it is THAT beneficial or not, but i just cant help doing notes everyday, on the subjects at school la. you might think "AMA NERD BUAT NOTE DOH". when actually i do enjoy scribbling Sejarah, Biology and Agama etc. i even make them as my top priority, regardless how many piles of homeworks i have.

i think it is like, sort of. . . wasting time, in the sense of 'wasting time for good things'. what the. because i sleep at 1.30 am doing notes, when actually the teachers arent asking for it and my classmates dont even give a crap about it. and i will end up getting frustrated knowing i have spent my days doing up to chapter 5 Biology when they are still stuck for months at Chapter 1, or even the fact that some of them do the notes extraordinarily in the simplest way, or they merely copying the notes in revision books.

still i write the notes by myself only based on the textbook and i read it line by line to underline the main points and the sub points and i make sure nothing is left out and i do it like the world ends tomorrow. and i do it perfectly. because whats the point in copying notes from revision books, meaning you have two copies of identical notes? whats the point of doing notes very shortly when you know you're not gonna read it because it is incomplete?

i think i have some obsession for doing notes, kot. it is the only less embarrassing reason. looking at my friends whose notebooks are clean and clear yet still dont flunk their exams make me feel some negative sensation in here.

but maybe that is what it is. i dont just dont want to fail, but i seriously dont want to get lower than A+, too. and doing notes are a bit relaxing then finishing homeworks, for some reasons.

what bothers me is how i have consumed countless hours working on the notes, yet some people only spend half an hour copying MY notes. i dont mind, seriously. because i know i will be blessed, haha. for anything good you do you will be rewarded right?

but it is a bit too much when i cant even find out or remember who borrows my books because my books are apparently some sort of public facilities now. i want to be nice, i like to be nice, but not all the time i want my buckets of sweat to be enjoyed by other people.

i remember how i thought i lost my Geography note book (with the notes fully completed) last year, only to be handed back a day before sitting for Geo trial paper. thanks, mate. cant believe some people dont even remember the fact that they keep my notes dearly, almost AT HOME.

even once i did presentation in the class, i was the one writing it on kertas mahjong, and to my surprise not one of my group mates can understand what i'm writing about. seriously people, how did you read books before this? did you read the whole textbook and the whole sentence? cant you make out whats most important and what is the least?

and you want to copy my notes, all the freaking time.

for the record i felt a little insulted at that time, hah hah. i ended up doing the presentation all by myself, the talking and explaining because nobody can comprehend my notes.

haish maybe i should stop whining so much. fine.

just one thing, i have a golden rule to anyone who wants my notes or exercises.
do pray for my success for every word you copy, thanks.