my mom always says i will have premature grey hair and wrinkles on my face for worrying too much about adult matters. until i forget how it is to be a teenager. thats why things like problem with a stupid boyfriend doesnt bother me. but the fact that people are fretting over it does, because why the hell the petty problem is so important anyway?
still sometimes i wish i can feel what they feel. be a fool for the so called love. sometimes i envy them, i want to be a naive teenager, not a 15 year old who worries about issues of a 30 year old. i want to feel young.
but a teenager will be a teenager. i do feel those hormones boiling up in me, mostly when i was even in my pre-teen stage, and it becomes increasingly rarely as i increasingly mature.
when i watch movies or read books about a guy with personalities i adore, i will freaking feel sad. its so beyond my control. because i know enough to not be a fool like other girls and believe a man like that is actually for real. i have this weird karma that i will not end up with a man decent enough not to make me cry. i have met men so awful they practically make me lost faith in humanity, precisely in males. hey its no joke here.
not in a lifetime i say this because i am so broken hearted as a boy dumps me. i say this for i have much better reasons and experiences. i've known a man who really has this endless big impact on me. never mind those immature boys who act like bloody prats. but i am really torn inside i can actually cry at the thought of an ideal guy. pathetic, i know.
i wonder will i be happy like my mom was with my father? i'm sure there wont be another man like him, unless its his reincarnation. thats why sometimes i appear to be bitter towards boys, because they cant stop their irritating and frustrating behaviors. though a few of them are quite cool and nice regardless. so boys, please be thankful if i'm all kind with you guys, will you?
you can say i'm a loser for thinking this when i ought to be enjoying my youth rather than act like a loony divorced woman. you can say that alright, ONLY IF you have been through things i have, and walked out of the mess gloriously and oblivious and unwounded at all. i bet you wont.
sorry for raining your life with my non-stop emotions.
i feel this because i feel this, as odd as it sounds. can you feel what i talk about, can you be empathy if you are never touched by it?
as much as i love the idea of a marriage, of sharing secrets i never dare telling any soul, i dont think i will be. someone who knows what i've been through said, after i speak about how wonderful getting marriage is, they said they thought i wont marry anyone as i am traumatic already. and i am.
ironically how much i daydream of a wedding, i think the concept of marriage in this modern century is plainly ridiculous. things are way different than they were, people are wayyy different too. i fancy being single until my last day as a woman with career and wealth than to gamble my life in an uncertain vow.
yeah i am childish about grown up things, childish for even thinking so.
we never foresee the future, and i'm not swearing or anything like that okay. if things should be, they shall be that way. i'm in no state to be sure of anything, but if i get fooled by a worthless man one day, i am strictly an idiot. but lets hope i will not, wont we?
i remember listening to 'Blame it on me' by Akon, and cried. haha pretty tragic. imagining a guy saying that to me, to all women in the world, taking the blame and apologizing for all the wrongdoings by men. traumatic people like me will cry. boy Akon will be so proud. haha
and i've told a boy i knew once, who was sort of my close friend before he succumbed to peer pressure and modern trend and trying to be 'cool'. he was my friend, and he consoled me. now the only man who took the blame is gone, too.
if only, if only :)
i will, seriously. i am both tragic and lunatic, mind you.
still sometimes i wish i can feel what they feel. be a fool for the so called love. sometimes i envy them, i want to be a naive teenager, not a 15 year old who worries about issues of a 30 year old. i want to feel young.
but a teenager will be a teenager. i do feel those hormones boiling up in me, mostly when i was even in my pre-teen stage, and it becomes increasingly rarely as i increasingly mature.
when i watch movies or read books about a guy with personalities i adore, i will freaking feel sad. its so beyond my control. because i know enough to not be a fool like other girls and believe a man like that is actually for real. i have this weird karma that i will not end up with a man decent enough not to make me cry. i have met men so awful they practically make me lost faith in humanity, precisely in males. hey its no joke here.
not in a lifetime i say this because i am so broken hearted as a boy dumps me. i say this for i have much better reasons and experiences. i've known a man who really has this endless big impact on me. never mind those immature boys who act like bloody prats. but i am really torn inside i can actually cry at the thought of an ideal guy. pathetic, i know.
i wonder will i be happy like my mom was with my father? i'm sure there wont be another man like him, unless its his reincarnation. thats why sometimes i appear to be bitter towards boys, because they cant stop their irritating and frustrating behaviors. though a few of them are quite cool and nice regardless. so boys, please be thankful if i'm all kind with you guys, will you?
you can say i'm a loser for thinking this when i ought to be enjoying my youth rather than act like a loony divorced woman. you can say that alright, ONLY IF you have been through things i have, and walked out of the mess gloriously and oblivious and unwounded at all. i bet you wont.
sorry for raining your life with my non-stop emotions.
i feel this because i feel this, as odd as it sounds. can you feel what i talk about, can you be empathy if you are never touched by it?
as much as i love the idea of a marriage, of sharing secrets i never dare telling any soul, i dont think i will be. someone who knows what i've been through said, after i speak about how wonderful getting marriage is, they said they thought i wont marry anyone as i am traumatic already. and i am.
ironically how much i daydream of a wedding, i think the concept of marriage in this modern century is plainly ridiculous. things are way different than they were, people are wayyy different too. i fancy being single until my last day as a woman with career and wealth than to gamble my life in an uncertain vow.
yeah i am childish about grown up things, childish for even thinking so.
we never foresee the future, and i'm not swearing or anything like that okay. if things should be, they shall be that way. i'm in no state to be sure of anything, but if i get fooled by a worthless man one day, i am strictly an idiot. but lets hope i will not, wont we?
i remember listening to 'Blame it on me' by Akon, and cried. haha pretty tragic. imagining a guy saying that to me, to all women in the world, taking the blame and apologizing for all the wrongdoings by men. traumatic people like me will cry. boy Akon will be so proud. haha
and i've told a boy i knew once, who was sort of my close friend before he succumbed to peer pressure and modern trend and trying to be 'cool'. he was my friend, and he consoled me. now the only man who took the blame is gone, too.
I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can't apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me
if only, if only :)
OKAY AFTER THIS I WILL END THIS CRAP AND FILL YOUR DAY WITH LAUGHTER AND STUPIDITY AS YOU WANT, like it better?
i will, seriously. i am both tragic and lunatic, mind you.
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