Bukan Keretapi Biasa: Glee Appreciation Post (and how i'm like rachel berry... k no)

i watched Glee and i cried. because i miss Glee, and i miss the old me.

i have always seen myself as Rachel, as vain as it sounds. because our timelines are parallel. i was a senior in high school when she was. i was involved in some dramas which were PRETTY SIMILAR to hers. i was brokenhearted and my song was Jar of Hearts, one of a few. she was brokenhearted and she sang Jar of Hearts, there were more coincidences too. i was a dreamer and so was she. i wanted to be the very best and i accepted nothing less, so did she. i got the best student award, she won national championship. we graduated. i aspired to fly to my dream destination and further in my dream course, she aimed to go to her dream school and start her dream career. i thought i didn't get the scholarship even though during the interview i did my best, while she blew up her audition and failed to get a place. we gave our all but we got nothing in return. we cried. we lost hope. we saw no light. we lost - the door's closed. the death of our childhood dreams. but then she reauditioned and made the best out of the second chance, and i found out i deserved the scholarship after all. you can not understand what we both felt - first it was tears of sadness, and then of happiness. we were on our way to our life long dreams. what we want, we make it happen.

i felt you. i feel you.

the differences between me and Rachel are she loves attention while i hate it and she is very confident while i'm not. she is many things but i don't hate her, so i don't understand the hate she gets. i love her.

now when i watched how well Rachel was doing in NYADA, and how i'm no longer keeping up with our parallel lines in INTEC, i broke down. i did. she kept being the best even in the institution, while i'm being my worst version. i don't know what happened but it sucked to see her there, like that, and me here, like this. the awkward moment when i felt like saying sorry to her, for disappointing her, for failing her, for not being the same person i once was.

OK WTH AM I TALKING ABOUT SHE'S FICTION FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE

maybe it's projection. projection is a defence mechanism in psychology. i project my undesired feelings onto someone else, so not to feel it to protect myself, because actually feeling it is too much - as if i haven't let myself do so, maybe i used projection because i did. or it's just me getting attached to fictional characters as always.

especially the part when Rachel was doing a performance only the best of the best was chosen to do and she did it so wonderfully leaving people in awe - making me feel even worse, but congrats nevertheless. the song she sang is like our theme song or something. or was mine.

Being good isn't good enough

Being good won't be good enough

When I fly, I must fly extra high

Gotta fly and if I fall

That's the way it's gotta be

There's no other way for me

Being good just won't be good enough

I'll be the best or nothing at all

this is not me anymore :(

i think i forgot how i was supposed to be like Rachel. back then when i watched her i would be inspired and pumped up with my own aspirations, but it has been ages since i last watch Glee i didn't know what happened in season 4. lesson learnt: watch Glee for healthy weekly doses of inspirations. maybe that'll help.

this one has got nothing to do with me but here is a song that got tears in my eyes. Finn realized he had no place to go to after high school, he felt like he was good for nothing while Rachel was going places. She, however, felt like she owed it all to him, like without him she couldn't have done it, while he just sat there worried about his future. he didn't realized how special he was to Rachel... JUST LOOK AT THEIR FACES AND EXPRESSIONS YOU CAN SEE THE LOVEEE

I can't win, I can't reign

I will never win this game

Without you, without you

I am lost, I am vain,

I will never be the same

Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly

I will never make it by

Without you, without you

I won't soar, I won't climb

If you're not here, I'm paralyzed

Without you, without you

MY HEART MY SHIPPER'S HEART

My weird deep understanding concerning a fictional character is not the only reason why i teared up watching Glee last weekend when i had Glee marathon. another reason was because i just miss the original cast i've been gleeking over since i was 15 - god it has been 4 years. they've grown up, so have i.

there was this scene when the new Glee members were performing a song from Grease, and the former members were there in the audience. suddenly they imagined they were the ones performing on stage, because it was a number they used to do, in fact the first practice when there were only a few people in the club. Rachel was having flashbacks of the first time he sang with Fynn and so much had happened since then now they were broken up and went on different paths omg creyz. it was very nostalgic for us Gleeks :')

i loveeeee the song i have the original version in my playlist hehe

another sad sentimental scene was in another episode when the former members one by one appeared in the auditorium singing and hugging after not seeing each other for quite some time after high school. their little reunion. they said "home for holiday, just like we promised" :"D

The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone

Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

Rachel, again, making me feel worse about myself, went to her first broadway audition and got a callback how awesome is that AND EVEN MORE AWESOME IS THE FACT THAT SHE SANG A VERY SENTIMENTAL SONG TO THE GLEE CLUB WHICH IS DON'T STOP BELIEVING AND EVEN WAAAY MORE AWESOME WAS WHEN SHE SANG IT ALONE, SHE IMAGINED SHE SANG IT WITH THE VERY ORIGINAL MEMBERS OF THE GLEE CLUB, THOSE WHO SIGNED UP IN THE FORM MR SCHUE PUT ON THE BOARD THOSE WHO REALLY JOINED BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T ASHAMED OF THEIR PASSION IN MUSIC AND ARTS PLS GIMME A MOMENT

THEY EVEN WORE THE RED SHIRTS THEY WORE THE FIRST TIME THEY SANG TOGETHER AND EVEN DID THE SAME CHOREOGRAPHY ALL MY FEELINGS ALL AND RACHEL WAS JUST THERE SINGING AND THINKING ABOUT THEM BEING WITH HER

okay breath. it's just so cute and sweet and arghhh do you feel me?!

it's so meaningful how Rachel sang the song and imagined them with her, as the song and the gang were the first reason why she was even singing alone in her broadway audition. it was the song they sang together after not being able to work together which killed mr schue's enthusiasm in teaching them, followed by him leaving the school to have a better paid profession which wasn't his passion. the song brought them together and brought back mr schuester. it was the first breath which brought Glee Club to life. and because of it, now Rachel's there, her dreams coming true because don't stop believing.

it didn't only show how far Rachel has come, it showed how far they have come, from only 6 of them, to 12, and more.

SEE THEIR FIRST NUMBER TOGETHER OMG

and this one. from LOSERS to CHAMPIONS

just see what they've been through just seeeee the flashbacks and the rewards seeeee

i never blogged about Glee and now it's all coming up and i just have so much to say but i think i should stop. i know nobody cares. i blog this for myself for future reference whenever i'm having my gleek moment. glee is just really inspiring. i've cried many times watching it, including the last two episodes of season 3 when they won the national championship and were graduating and gave Mr Schue the Teacher of The Year award. did you know how long and how hard did it take for them to get to that level? the shits Mr Schue had to put up with to not give up? the things each of them were going through at a personal level?

every character has their own story, and everyone can relate to anyone in Glee.

People underestimate Glee because roughly it is a story of a group of teenagers at school who break into songs whenever they feel like it, but actually it's so much more than that. idk. just something along the line of going for your dreams, staying true to yourselves, working hard for your ambitions, holding your head up high even when it will get wet being splashed by slushies, accepting others just the way they are, loving yourselves despite your imperfections, understanding differences, appreciating uniqueness, surviving instead of resorting to suicide, dealing with family issues, knowing who your true friends are, being there for them, never giving up, not being ashamed of your passion and identity, being confidence, believing in yourselves, fighting for what's worth fighting for, and more. idk i guess these are pretty good messages don't you think?