Try to focus on study like them. Try to stop fooling around like them. Try to be all serious and discipline like them. Try to be nice to everyone and avoid mistakes or doing sinful things. Try not to go online two months before the big exam like them. Try to write all temporary farewell at myspace and blog showing how committed I am in studying. Try to be people who don’t watch tv and listen to music and blogging anymore for the sake of the future.
Try to change myself to be them for PMR.
The truth is I try to be what people expect me to be.
Try to study all the time, like living my life now does not matter, but to study and study and study up to people’s expectation. Try to have my mind only for PMR and my head only covered in books as they expect.
Try to shape and fit myself in their cup of perspective because I don’t deny the truth in what they think, I will get outstanding results only if I study and study and study according to their taste of life.
You know what? I am neither those people nor what you think of me.
I hate it and I am not proud of myself at all for still being the old me.
The truths are, I still take at least one hour daily daydreaming (yes, you can really lay down and live in your own mind for hours), I still cant stop doing sin and making Allah mad at me although everyday I will pray I have the strength to be good , I still abandon the books in front of me while watching Anak Halal, Duyung, The League of Their Own, The Comebacks and Glamour Raya, I still eat with my horse appetite like there’s no tomorrow while some candidates maybe don’t even have the mood to see food and are losing weight, I still go online and make my online icon invisible and sometimes I got busted by my friends, I still put my pen down and dance whenever I listen to my songs, I still play endlessly with my Malmal Sayang, and I still have the habit of starting my study late at night, sleep at 3 am and wake up the next morning at 10 am.
Yes, I am still me the way I remember.
I know some of you wouldn’t believe it, but hell I don’t care. This isn’t something many people always think I lie to amaze them when actually I do study like crazy. I maybe an idiot for the way I behave but I am not stupid to say false things out loud to change people’s impression.
What I say is what I do. If you get the wrong impression of me, that’s your issue. This is my resentment for myself, if you still haven’t noticed my dear.
I have exactly 10 days to PMR. The only things I have studied for the last time and wont do them anymore although I suck at them are Science, KHB form 3, ¾ of Agama Islam and . . oh, only those. I don’t know how I’m going to live for another ten days.
“Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Ya Allah, Kau bantulah aku dan Calon PMR lain pada saat-saat akhir ini. Kau bukakanlah pintu kejayaan bagi kami dalam PMR. Kau permudahkanlah jalan kejayaan bagi kami. Kurniakanlah belas kasihanMu, rahmat dan petunjukMu, serta pertolonganMu sebelum, semasa dan selepas kami menduduki PMR. Ya Allah, Kau berilah aku dan Calon PMR lain keputusan cemerlang, 8/9 A, Kau jadikanlah kami pelajar cemerlang dan yang terbaik antara yang terbaik. Amin”
And you won’t see any ‘DISITA’ in this post. This blog is back in action.
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