Trivial vs Trial

if you did that one thing differently, if you took the chance right in front of your eyes, imagine what could have been. just imagine. now imagination is all we have.

look up. look straight. look ahead. that's all it takes. one second of recognition. but no, of course you don't do that.

and tonight, i went extra mile just to not be seen by somebody, and just to see somebody. you would go any mile when you're running away from something, and running after something. life is hard when expectation isn't aligned with reality. however unrealistic, just do what makes you happy. at least you are happy. however simplistic. because there are many other things that weigh you down, however heavy, however deep. so what's wrong with looking for a bit of feeling light and being high?

after miles and miles, in the end there's a friend with whom you don't have to hide, you don't have to pretend.

  

uncensored cut version of our separate conversations.
from tonight and some other night.
yeah, he's my friend. a good one.

we don't do this often, unlike in senior year, but when we do talk privately and personally, i feel like i have a guy friend again. a real one. well, at least not the forbidden friendship kind. imagine letting someone see much of your real self you don't reveal to most people but you can't even be seen together in real life. that one's tough, this one's easy. he always tries to understand my situations even when his are way different, and that's cool. that's awesome even. we've only been friends for four years. wait, no, that's actually a long time considering the circumstances. i can't even keep a friend for two years nowadays. people fight, people fall apart. he and i fought and fell apart once too, but not really, but kinda, but i understood his situation back then. now here we are. we actually still talk. whenever he posts random irrelevant sarcastic shits on my posts. whenever he pm me for real life issues or just for "hey how are you". we still talk. real talk, superficial talk. just talking is good enough for me, because honestly, i've stopped expecting anything from anybody.

on a different note, i'll be sitting for a-level trial in one day.

okay.