what i like about my mom is - ok fine, one of the things i love about my mom is she never tells me not to befriend anyone.
i've had many types of friends with many kinds of experiences. but whoever they were, or whatever they did, my mom never once said "jangan kawan dengan dorang" or "takyahlah kawan dengan budak camtu". not ever. not even once.
because my mom didn't judge them. i've gone through many phases myself, to be fair. and one of the phases was i was judgemental. i hated myself for that. that was a part of me i am ashamed of. i was 13-14. i didn't hate my friends, i never thought of not being friends anymore, but still, i looked at them in a different way. i talked about them in a different way. as if what they did or who they were was so wrong. even if it was, i shouldn't have done that. i didn't really badmouth them, i didn't talk that badly about them. but to this day it still feels wrong. not them. not what they did. but what i did. me.
i realize about this whenever other parents tell their children not to be friends with anyone.
it occurs to me "but my mom never does that."
i've heard other parents telling their children not to be friends with someone just because that kid had a crush and talked about her crush. hello? i've had friends who had boyfriends when we were in primary school! did i have a boyfriend too just because i was surrounded by such friends? no! mind you, this is not me being saint, it was just my principle. that at 11/12 it was laughable to have a boyfriend no matter how much we liked each other. at least to me, i wouldn't stick on myself that label. even then, i had crushes, and i talked about them. so what? did it make me kinky? even if i did have a boyfriend, so what? am i that dirty?
if i say i have a boyfriend now or something of that sort, does your perception of me magically change? if so, goodbye.
please, please, please, get this parasitic prejudice out of your head.
come on, don't tell me you've never at least had a crush? pfft. this is what happens when adults forget how it's like to be kids and teenagers. we all have our phases. be there with your children in each phase instead of stopping them to enter any or telling them to skip some. that's the only way you lead them down the road without them going astray.
i'll never forget the day when my high school friends came to my house for raya. we were 14. when they left, my bro said they were all good girls. why? because "semua pakai tudung." excuse me? applying deductive reasoning, does it mean if i had free-haired friends, i made bad choices? that they were bad girls? excuse me? did you just oversimplify people? did you just base your whole judgement on hijab? did you just overgeneralize all hijabists as good girls? so what about my friends who came beraya two years earlier? they didn't wear tudung. so they were bad girls? i made bad choices? i was friends with bad people?
what made me mad was the fact that i knew my friends. that i knew how to make choices. and even if i did make bad choices in choosing friends, it didn't mean i would become bad as well.
little did my brothers know that, now, many years later, those free-haired friends are getting better at covering their aurah and getting better as muslims as a whole, and that some of those hijab-wearing friends have done things they would be surprised to know a hijabist would do. but nevermind, that's their lives. however, something concerning my life is that some of them, have hurt me, betrayed me, oh and stolen my money by lying to me. and many others. but nevermind, as long as they wore hijab, right?
my mom? she never cared about all this.
whenever i told my mom about anything my friends did which was bad to the old-judgemental-me, she always said only one and one thing only. she told me not to be like them. because don't be like people who you talk about. that's all. she didn't say that because she warned me not to do anything against her wishes. she said that because she advised me not to eat my own spit.
now when i'm reminded about it, it reminds me of a hadeeth which states that we won't die unless we've committed the same sin we backbite about.
my mom might not have said it based on this hadeeth, and even if this hadeeth doesn't exist, it's true nevertheless. fyi, one doesn't need to study religion and law and moral to have common sense. my mom said it simply on the basis: jangan jadi macam dia, sebab kita dah cakap pasal dia. biasanya kita jadi macam orang yang kita cakapkan. jadi jangan mengata orang, takut jadi sama macam dia. senang je logik mak aku.
true enough, years later.... i haven't exactly been like those i once talked about, but i have changed my mind about them. i have changed my mind about their actions. that i could be the one doing it, that i even would, too.
i'm proud of my mom for being wise. for not judging. for being neutral. whatever i told her, she didn't really react to it. she just listened. then told me "asalkan tak jadi macam dorang."
people change. my friends change. i change. so why do you let one action change your perception of the person? even perceptions change. nothing remains the same.
i showed this to my mom and she laughed at the cartoon mom's hair
"kelakar rambut mak dia. tu mak dia boleh je rambut pendek"
"maaa!"
i don't let my mom have typical old people short haircut lol
then she saw this
"tu dia buat apa pulak dengan mak dia? comey" and she laughed
my mom is so cute :")
what i learn from my mom, i learn from observation. because she does it. not because she tells me to. maybe her ways work with me, because i'm quite a rebel. i don't do things i'm told to do. i do things without being told to, what i see people do. religion, law, moral, i do what i see my mom does. i guess i grew up quite well. although at the beginning, i was quite a lot to handle.
wearing tudung? my mom didn't tell me to do that. i didn't really want to do that either. but at 11, i did because of some reasons. at that time i had this difficult relationship with one of my bros. so one day when he saw me wearing tudung, he said "kan bagus macam ni pakai tudung." the next day, i went out not wearing tudung. and i made sure he saw me. hah. i was trying to make a point. the point was i don't do things because you tell me to! plus at that time i hated him, so i didn't want him to think that i did it because he wanted me to do it. i didn't want him to 'win', no matter how stupid that was. i do what i do, because i want to.
even until now. i do what i do, because i want to. not because people tell me to. not because that's what my friends do. to me i have my own identity. that is why my choice of friends do not define me. i have befriended all types of people with all kinds of experiences. i was even in 'mean girls' group and later in 'good girls' group. but i was still my own person. not to say that i'm such a good girl, it's just that i'm not easily influenced. if i do something bad, that's my own decision.
even until now. i do what i do, because i want to. not because people tell me to. not because that's what my friends do. to me i have my own identity. that is why my choice of friends do not define me. i have befriended all types of people with all kinds of experiences. i was even in 'mean girls' group and later in 'good girls' group. but i was still my own person. not to say that i'm such a good girl, it's just that i'm not easily influenced. if i do something bad, that's my own decision.
i once thought about parents who told their children not to be friends with anyone, and then i thought about my mom who never does that, and i felt so overwhelmed i almost cried. my mom is such a nice person.
it's only up to her children to make the best out of that, or take advantage of that.
the only time my mom tells me not to befriend anybody is if befriending them makes me mad or sad.
my mom knows my friends who are worth knowing. girls and guys. my mom never forbids me from being friends with boys. boys used to come to rumah for beraya. they can even come now and my mom doesn't have any problem with it. the problems are: 1. i have poyo bros. 2. i don't feel like letting them come myself. because malas nak layan. lol. and because YOU have problems with me, how do you even dare to show your face up my front door? man i'm not gonna invite you to my wedding let alone my house. bam.
jadi laki jangan pepandai la datang rumah aku tetiba tak bagitau. kalau aku tak bukak pintu sebab aku taknak tengok muka kau, jangan salahkan aku. lagipun adab bertandang kena bagitau dulu. reti?
when i was 13-14, i was judgemental because i was just exposed to syeikh google and imam internet... you get me? i read everything on the internet and i accepted it without questioning, without checking with other sources, without applying it in reality. so i also became worried and unrealistic. it affected me to the point i once cried because i thought "why is it so hard to live? why am i living in sins? how to get away from this all?" i expressed my concern to my mom and she said "buat biasa je. sekarang baru sekolah, belum belajar belum kerja. nanti macam mana? jadi sederhana je." she was realistic. don't do anything that's wrong, but not everything is wrong. now, that's what i'm doing. i didn't listen to my mom, but i learnt it from experience. yes, true. there are limitations in this life, but it doesn't limit you from living. i guess i'm okay. not tied, not wild. living my life.
maybe my mom and i do make a good team. her ways happen to work well with mine. had another girl been her daughter, maybe it would have caused chaos. i could have misused my mom's trust all the time, but i didn't. not because i'm such a good daughter and didn't want to betray her, but simply because i just don't feel like doing such things. all those evenings stayback kat sekolah? boleh je pergi merempit kuar dating ke apa. pastu pegi sekolah balik tunggu mak datang ambik. all those night classes kat sekolah yang aku tak pernah pergi sebab katanya masalah transportasi dan sebab sebenarnya malas nak pergi? boleh je ambik kesempatan sebab ada pulak yang bersedia jadi bodyguard hantar pergi balik. but i wasn't that innocent either. i just never went that far.
yeah, my mother knew the bodyguard. lol. mama never gave red light. she just said "asalkan jangan lebih-lebih." know what to do and what not to do. that's what she answered when i asked her about it, not that i ever changed the tittle bodyguard to bo- something else. and that's when i was in school. now that i'm out of school, she gave me green light. lulz. more on that later :3
one more thing my mom always tells me no matter what i do or who i be or who i was worried that i would be, is this: "asalkan jangan tinggal solat." perform your prayers and everything else should be okay. don't worry too much. perform your prayers and you won't go astray.
rather than reminding me about what type of friends i can/cannot be friends with, my mom always reminds me about what type of person i have to be. that it's all me. she doesn't put the blame or the praise on my friends, she puts it all on me. that if i do something wrong, i am to be blamed. if i do something right, i am to be praised. i don't know if that's her intention, but that's how i know that i decide my own definition. i develop my own identity. regardless of where i am and who i am with. which is good. which is genius.
i'm trying to listen without judging, know without assuming, talk without accusing. even if i do, i try not to talk about it, keep it to myself, and brush it off, thinking i don't know any better and i am not any better and i could be worse in the past and i could do worse in the future. the thing is, i like to gossip. lol. yeah yeah i know it's not good. but i try not to slander or bitch about the subject, i just talk about it matter-of-factly. because sometimes listening and knowing and talking about people is fun, hahah k.
which reminds me of a couple of days ago. an ustaz on tv said "nak tengok camne jodoh kita, tengok ibunya dulu."
i said "my mom is perfecto. so i'm pun perfecto." ma laughed. hehe i'm not perfect at all but my mom kind of is, so ok la kan? lolol.
this is one of the reasons why i love my mom so much, if loving your mom ever needs a reason. she's not judgemental. she trusts her children, it's up to us what to do with that trust. she doesn't tell me "don't do this, don't do that" apart from religious obligations. i don't know why, either she knows how her daughter is, what type of person i am and what kind of things i do, or she just trusts me despite the reality of modern day daughters.
whatever it is, it means a lot to me. because it shows that she knows her daughter.
she knows i know myself better than to have such a fragile self-concept easily shaken by my peers.
insyaallah.
this is why my mom is the best mother for me, our ways work well and that's what matters.
alhamdulillah :)
it's only up to her children to make the best out of that, or take advantage of that.
the only time my mom tells me not to befriend anybody is if befriending them makes me mad or sad.
my mom knows my friends who are worth knowing. girls and guys. my mom never forbids me from being friends with boys. boys used to come to rumah for beraya. they can even come now and my mom doesn't have any problem with it. the problems are: 1. i have poyo bros. 2. i don't feel like letting them come myself. because malas nak layan. lol. and because YOU have problems with me, how do you even dare to show your face up my front door? man i'm not gonna invite you to my wedding let alone my house. bam.
jadi laki jangan pepandai la datang rumah aku tetiba tak bagitau. kalau aku tak bukak pintu sebab aku taknak tengok muka kau, jangan salahkan aku. lagipun adab bertandang kena bagitau dulu. reti?
when i was 13-14, i was judgemental because i was just exposed to syeikh google and imam internet... you get me? i read everything on the internet and i accepted it without questioning, without checking with other sources, without applying it in reality. so i also became worried and unrealistic. it affected me to the point i once cried because i thought "why is it so hard to live? why am i living in sins? how to get away from this all?" i expressed my concern to my mom and she said "buat biasa je. sekarang baru sekolah, belum belajar belum kerja. nanti macam mana? jadi sederhana je." she was realistic. don't do anything that's wrong, but not everything is wrong. now, that's what i'm doing. i didn't listen to my mom, but i learnt it from experience. yes, true. there are limitations in this life, but it doesn't limit you from living. i guess i'm okay. not tied, not wild. living my life.
maybe my mom and i do make a good team. her ways happen to work well with mine. had another girl been her daughter, maybe it would have caused chaos. i could have misused my mom's trust all the time, but i didn't. not because i'm such a good daughter and didn't want to betray her, but simply because i just don't feel like doing such things. all those evenings stayback kat sekolah? boleh je pergi merempit kuar dating ke apa. pastu pegi sekolah balik tunggu mak datang ambik. all those night classes kat sekolah yang aku tak pernah pergi sebab katanya masalah transportasi dan sebab sebenarnya malas nak pergi? boleh je ambik kesempatan sebab ada pulak yang bersedia jadi bodyguard hantar pergi balik. but i wasn't that innocent either. i just never went that far.
yeah, my mother knew the bodyguard. lol. mama never gave red light. she just said "asalkan jangan lebih-lebih." know what to do and what not to do. that's what she answered when i asked her about it, not that i ever changed the tittle bodyguard to bo- something else. and that's when i was in school. now that i'm out of school, she gave me green light. lulz. more on that later :3
one more thing my mom always tells me no matter what i do or who i be or who i was worried that i would be, is this: "asalkan jangan tinggal solat." perform your prayers and everything else should be okay. don't worry too much. perform your prayers and you won't go astray.
rather than reminding me about what type of friends i can/cannot be friends with, my mom always reminds me about what type of person i have to be. that it's all me. she doesn't put the blame or the praise on my friends, she puts it all on me. that if i do something wrong, i am to be blamed. if i do something right, i am to be praised. i don't know if that's her intention, but that's how i know that i decide my own definition. i develop my own identity. regardless of where i am and who i am with. which is good. which is genius.
i'm trying to listen without judging, know without assuming, talk without accusing. even if i do, i try not to talk about it, keep it to myself, and brush it off, thinking i don't know any better and i am not any better and i could be worse in the past and i could do worse in the future. the thing is, i like to gossip. lol. yeah yeah i know it's not good. but i try not to slander or bitch about the subject, i just talk about it matter-of-factly. because sometimes listening and knowing and talking about people is fun, hahah k.
which reminds me of a couple of days ago. an ustaz on tv said "nak tengok camne jodoh kita, tengok ibunya dulu."
i said "my mom is perfecto. so i'm pun perfecto." ma laughed. hehe i'm not perfect at all but my mom kind of is, so ok la kan? lolol.
this is one of the reasons why i love my mom so much, if loving your mom ever needs a reason. she's not judgemental. she trusts her children, it's up to us what to do with that trust. she doesn't tell me "don't do this, don't do that" apart from religious obligations. i don't know why, either she knows how her daughter is, what type of person i am and what kind of things i do, or she just trusts me despite the reality of modern day daughters.
whatever it is, it means a lot to me. because it shows that she knows her daughter.
she knows i know myself better than to have such a fragile self-concept easily shaken by my peers.
insyaallah.
this is why my mom is the best mother for me, our ways work well and that's what matters.
alhamdulillah :)
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