Love's Keen Sting

"ah, to be young and to feel love's keen sting"
-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince.

yeah, to be young. and to feel how the love is in the air. i dont feel that anymore, am i old already? i would like to call myself a matured young woman, yes. hoho. definitely because if i think about boys now, i would think if they can make it as a husband.

GATAL? no, bukan gatal. tapi MATANG.

all the things Taylor Swift sings in Fifteen about love, rather naive of her to have feelings as such. even when i was eleven, the age which i found out how it was to really like somebody, i was self-conscious enough to always ignore the rumours that i was fancied, even when the person shouted it on my face.

i didnt believe, and i still dont. unless if you behold the most beautiful features, then it is maybe safe for you to do so.

if you were me, all you would think is the bloke is making fun of you, maybe in a bet or challenging a dare, god knows. seriously, for a girl to easily believe a BOY's confession of love for her, she has not been spared from one step beneath me. meaning? i would think she is less intelligent, as simple as that. not brainy intelligent, but logic and simple senses in the term.

sometimes of course i have instincts and succumb to my intuition as others do, but i never let it go that far. i'm being pathetic to think someone actually like me. and i am always right to build the walls. i will never make myself a fool, as alarmingly a large number of girls have been.

however, while i'm in the middle of teenage years, looking back at what happened when i was in primary school, i started to believe there were really some boys who indeed liked me, as odd and humiliating as i sound. bah, only talking about admitting i think i was liked, even years ago, make me blush. its never easy for me to share it, maybe self esteem issues i got here.

ask my friends. sometimes i annoy them. sometimes they dont even know. point is, i feel like a whore admitting i had admirers once. i wonder how some girls have the gut to really be sure about this stuff, and to tell people a guy is adoring them. it is as if they are Paris Hilton to say so. but i am not insulting, just merely curious and slightly annoyed. and sometimes if i need to talk about it, i even admire their confidence and how they open up easily.

but i do it too, only rarely. out of depression to ask for opinions or because it happened in the past. and then the thunder of embarrassment would struck me, and i feel idiotic to no end. to me confessing that someone likes you is even harder than confessing that you like someone. that, i mean to the third part la.

so what i can guarantee here, is, boy you dont have to worry if you like me,
i'll keep your secret forever! bahahaha