Les Miserables: Miserable At Best

Les Miserables will make you cry throughout the movie shedding tears silently and at the end of it will make your efforts to suppress your bawling and sobbing pointless - because you will bawl and sob, noisily.

i went to the cinema not expecting it to be anything close to this. sure, i was aware that it was a classic, and naturally was excited the first time i saw its poster a few months ago. but i didn't know what it was about, or that i would cry my eyes and guts out.

EVERYONE GO WATCH LES MISERABLES NOW. even if you can't stand musicals, it's gonna be worth it. so many feelings and the actors are amazing i cant even asdfghjkl. i've cried in the cinema before but never this hard (had to stop myself from bawling, but failed - i bawled noisily n hideously). if you leave the theater indifferent, i'm judging you. siriusly. memang miserable aku habis cerita tu

beware, i'm not one who minds giving spoilers away.

Anne Hathaway

she has blown me away with her performance this time. just think of her disney princess days to the increasingly mature roles she has played since then and to this, THIS OMG FANTINE. Fantine is, like everything else in Les Mis, miserable. i don't know who is the most miserable; Fantine or Valjean. ok decision made: it's Fantine.

is there anyone here who can swear before God

she has nothing to fear? she has nothing to hide?

she was fired and thrown out of the factory, sold her hair for money and her beautiful locks were cut to her scalp, her tooth was plucked out and she just wept in a corner curled alone, was forced to be a prostitute (by the bastards and whores and oh, her miserable life) and she 'statically entertained' her first customer with a tear dropping down her face  and the scene after that... THE I DREAMED A DREAM SCENE.

i love this song, and i've never heard a more heart-breaking version. Anne deserves awards for this scene alone like seriously. one of the things i love about this movie is they didn't try to be pretty (eg: Anne lose weight just for this role and i barely recognized Hugh) or to sound amazing, they acted their part and sang accordingly, and that, is what makes it amazing. Anne sang with raw emotions, she smiled and cried and screamed and whispered as she sang. it sounded so real. if you were being miserable i doubt you'd care about your pitch, right? you'd just sing your misery away.

my tears flowed like a river as Fantine sang this song. i just can't asdfghjkl

when she died? what's up with thaaat. i was shocked because i thought it was too early, it was not enough screen time for such a character! and later we learn she died in vain... she worked hard and starved herself because she got a letter informing her that her daughter was sick and money was needed for a doctor, but as it turned out the kid was just fine (being treated as a slave is not exactly fine but at least she wasn't dying).

but Fantine reappeared at the end of the movie. when Valjean was dying, and i was already crying, out of nowhere came Fantine smiling, and i was NOOO DEMMIT TOO MANY FEELINGS

AND FANTINE FREAKING SANG

Monsieur I bless your name
Monsieur, lay down your burden
You’ve raised my child with love

Come with me, where chains will never bind you

All your grief at last at last behind you

Lord in heaven, look down on him in mercy....

STAHP IT FANTINEEEE EVERY TIME YOU SING TO WELCOME HIM TO YOUR WORLD OF THE DEAD I TELL YOU TO SHUT IT UPPP AND I MOAN A LIL MORE STAHP

HE DIED AND FANTINE TOOK HIM AWAY FROM HER DAUGHTER WHO WAS MOURNING BEFORE HIS SOULLESS BODY AND THEN SUDDENLY THERE'S EVERYONE WHO'S DEAD SINGING ONE OF MY FAV SCORES - DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING - THEY WERE HAPPY THEY FOUND FREEDOM THEY FOUGHT FOR, IN DEATH, THIS IS TOO MUCH

THEY SANG AS THOUGH THEY'RE WELCOMING HIM TO HEAVEN OR SOMETHING

Will you join in our crusade?Who will be strong and stand with me?Somewhere beyond the barricadeIs there a world you long to see?


and that, kids, is the scene which i sobbed and bawled the hardest.

Jean Valjan

i feel so sorry for this man. all he did was stole a bread. c'mon. Javert i know you're a man of law and all but you don't have to be so hard on him. to hell with the law! let him go! so Valjean lived his life on the run, in disguise, on his own, unloved... until he found Fantine's daughter. this man, who had been living with a skeleton in his closet, all alone, now learnt how to love, as he found Cosette.

do you understand the intensity of emotion you should feel? DO YOUUU? of course you don't, robot.

he was a saint. after he tried to cross the bishop but the bishop still had faith in him, he turned to God... and started to turn his life around and became an angel sent from heaven, if you will. he's such a protagonist. it's understandable if the guy became bitter seeing how he was treated in prison and in the real world, but he ended up being someone noble.

their last words

he went to great lengths saving Marius (covered with poop, you've gotta have a strong heart) because he's just such a man, but i believe a large part of it was because of Cosette. he realized he couldn't drag her around forever the next time his hiding spot was discovered by Javert the stalker. when he saw Marius in the war that's when he realized (technically sang) that if someone was to die it better be him. he was an old man. Marius was just a boy. and a boy whom Cosette loved. a boy who could take his place in Cosette's life.

when he left after he was sure Cosette would have a happy ending with Marius, i was in a glass case of emotions you could crash me and i'll flood your world with tears. i was in that state up to his death scene when you wouldn't have to crash me, i already broke down like one ugly baby.

he only had her, just her, in his whole life. the girl to whom he said he will be the papa and the mama. and now, she's getting a better life, and he's living. tears, tears everywheree

he had done so much for others but the last hours of his life he spent alone. there was no love story written for him, like it was written for Cosette, he only watched the two lovebirds with a smile on his face. he smiled for them, but never for himself.

Hugh Jackman nailed it. i started to like him when i watched Australia, and now i've watched Les Mis i like him even more. i could feel his pain just by looking at his eyes, ugh feelsss.

Eponine

she is the only character most of us who live in this modern era and in country with no bloody war can relate to. er not because of her horrible parents but because of her unrequited love.

i feel you babe. although not to the point of taking a bullet for a guy, maybe because i have yet to meet such a guy or be in such a situation (BUT IT'S NOT WORTH IT, I MEAN WHY?! HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU COULD HAVE HAD ENJOLRAS DIDN'T YOU SEE HIS BLOND LOCKS AND FACE??). but the song On My Own tu i feel you la.

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world would go on turning

i've heard On My Own before but the impact it brings this time is on another level. that girl did such a good job, being the girl who still smiled dreamily at the sight of the boy who left her to tango alone and did not chose to be a bitch just because she was friendzoned. i like her. when she screamed to warn Cosette and Valjean despite Cosette being her love's love interest, i like her even more. when she traded Marius's life with hers, my jaws dropped. when she closed her eyes for the last time, my tears dropped. oh girl.

i don't know if this is even humanely possible.. i mean doing it for my mother is out of question, and doing it for the sake of fellow human beings i'll understand, but doing it for the sake of love you'll never get in return...? maybe the answer i'll find out in time. or never.

Lessons to Learn, Things to Think, Messages To Digest

this is a story of many plotlines, intertwined. this is a story of many themes, tangled. this is a story of the tagline - FIGHT. DREAM. LOVE. HOPE. this is a story of innocence, of war, of romance, of history, reality, and more.

had Valjan not be such a saint who kept his promise, saved Fantine's daughter and loved her as his own, he wouldn't have anything to do with Marius, forcing him to be there during the final battle. he wouldn't have seen Javert helpless, powerless. he wouldn't have the chance to instead of kill him, let him escape, not because he wanted a deal in return, but because he's just that kind of person. he wouldn't have made Javert felt conflicted to shot him for the first time. he wouldn't have made Javert let him walk away alive.

see? when you do good, you get something good in return. even if it takes years, even if it takes tears.

i did say Fantine died for nothing right? but not really. she died for Valjan. Valjan lived for Cosette. Cosette was free because of Valjan. Marius was alive because of Valjan. it all came back to Fantine. it's never for nothing in this life. you've just gotta see the bigger picture. it's all in the snow ball rolling. 

just like the boys who died for their country. that's another tear-jerking scene. the little boy, so brave he was, so small yet he stood for something bigger. thinking that even though the soldiers might kill civilians, they would never shot a boy. but he was wrong. when Enjolras was cornered, rifles pointing at him, but he stood tall. when his friend saw him, they both were all that was still alive, he walked to join Enjolras. together they faced them all. together they shouted for the last time, in the name of their land. and together they died.

as expected i also cried when Marius returned to the place where all his friends were killed and sat alone, well, singing

Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me. 
That I live and you are gone
There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on 

Phantom faces at the window
Phantom shadows on the floor
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more. 

Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will sing no more...

              

all around the world, the new generation were often the one to rebel. like us, we have our very own Rosli Dhobi and his friends. students defying the authority, boys fighting to be free. in a glance it all seems to be pointless, a lost cause. but actually, it keeps the snow ball rolling. they died for something.

everything happens for a reason. nothings happens for nothing. our lives are intertwined, our paths cross, our fates tangled. one thing will lead to another.

this is also a very, how to put this, Christian movie. well not really, i say it depends on us, because this is a movie about faith. about believing in the higher power. submitting to God's plans. giving in to God's will. doing things in God's name. redeeming for God's mercy. i love these values, Christian or not. because it applies to everyone, because everyone has a faith, as they should.

law is something we must obey, but it's not a do or die, it's only a guideline. like Javert. he devoted his life to law. but he forgot the fact that he must also live with logic, and most of all, his heart. i don't really think he's the villain here. like what Valjan always said, even when he was giving Javert a second chance at life but Javert vowed to still go after him, that Javert was only doing his duty. he did think Valjan was a dangerous man, that he did it for his job, for the citizen, for God, not for his own wrath. after he owed his life to Valjan, he questioned; was the man a devil or an angel? was he from hell or heaven?

All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.

i would love to watch it again, even if it means having to stand another 2 and a half hours of musical. it's not that bad, because the songs are that good. listen to the lyrics and feel it laaa, that's the whole point. the songs aren't there only to entertain your ears. they make the scenes more meaningful and hence, make us more miserable than ever. i left the theater with red eyes and wet cheeks, short of breath for stopping myself from wailing and be the main attention when the credit rolls, but i regret nothing at all.

from someone who hasn't read the book (yet) and seen other versions of the musical, it's easily 5/5. perfect in every way.

so... Les Mis, anybody? plis...?

2012: The Perks of 18 Years

2012. how do i even begin to describe this incredible year?

let's start with something, just anything, in no particular order. shall we?

1. SPM Results

Alhamdulillah. it couldn't have gotten better than that. 10 A = 7 A+ + 2 A + 1 A-.

okay... i admit i could have been better than that. of course when i do something, i expect the best out of it. and the best in my definition is the best in the best definition, get it? i targeted to strike straight A+'s. but it's not what i expected. because it would be a god-sent miracle if i were to get A+ for add math haha. nak bayang usaha untuk A+ pun tak sanggup. tapi aku tak pernah terbayang dua subjek yang aku tak pernah tak dapat A+ tapi SPM dapat A je. 'je' not because i'm not thankful, but because i failed myself.

people have potentials. but sometimes, some of us do bad things to ourselves and to others, that we end up being not as nice, smart, talented, good, lucky and deserving as we should have been.

- 14/4

but it's okay. thinking of my poisonous laziness, and addiction to procrastination, maybe i didn't deserve it after all. trial dapat 5 A+. the real deal dapat 7 A+. boleh nampaklaa usaha takde beza kat situ. in fact mungkin usaha makin lopek, sebab SPM kan graf naik. and looking back at my sins and all my wrongdoings, maybe i didn't deserve straight A's at all.

but i still got it. Allah still granted my prayers. despite everything. and for Allah to still be there for me, bless me not only with this result but with every other little and big thing whether i'm aware of it or not, is something for me to be thankful for the most. Alhamdulillah ya Allah.

2. Umrah

i never would have thought that i would go to Mekah and Madinah, feeling my very presence in Masjid Nabawi and Masjidil Haram,  crying in Raudhah, witnessing Kaabah with my own eyes, and so much more at 18.

never would i have guessed that at 18, i know how it feels like to miss the serenity when i watch countless jemaah circulating the Kaabah on tv, to long for the peace i experienced for two weeks in spite of not living in the best condition or eating the best cuisine or meeting the best people. but i was in the best place, holding the best faith. and that, was more than enough.

i've blogged about Madinah here, the post on Mekah is yet to be made. but i will blog about it, just wait :)

3. I get the place, the course, the journey to my desired destination

what else can i hope for? oh, success, it is.

you're not there yet, but you're on your way. it doesn't feel like it, but you're on your freaking way to your life long dream. you get the place, the course, you get what you've been wishing for since forever - so why the long face? don't let some petty problems make you overlook what matters. don't let the time it takes to get there slows you down. you WILL get there. in about 18 months what you're thinking now won't even mean a thing. for the time being just ignore the little issues and enjoy the journey, one day it will all be memories. you're so blessed, not everyone has the chance. YOU'RE SO SO SO BLESSED, ALHAMDULILLAH INFINITY. it's not easy to leave, but when you go back it's always the same "hey it ain't so bad," and it ain't. in fact, with the right people it will get better. it always will insyaallah. trust me.

- 28/12

something i remind myself whenever i forget how blessed i am. but when i'm aware of it, i still can't believe it. JPA... Psychology... Intec... US/UK... wey mimpi ke ni? takut nak cubit diri. takut terjaga dari tidur untuk menghadapi satu lagi hari di sekolah OMG NOOO WORST NIGHTMARE. it just seems surreal. did i just get everything i ever wanted? did my dreams just come true? nope, but i'm almost there. everyday no matter how uninspiring, tiring and boring, i'm one step closer. wait for it, i'm on my way.

I've always known since forever what i want to be. but i'm not sure whether it can be a reality or just a fantasy. tengokla camne rezeki nanti ;) - 25/3

Insyaallah. but i still make a point to pray that what i want is what Allah also wants. because i've had enough of fantasy becomes reality goes terribly wrong. i so wish, this is not the same case. this is my dreams, finally, coming true.

everytime i return to akasia i remind myself that this is the place i'm gonna spend 2 years of my life in, these are the people who are gonna be with me throughout this journey. Regardless of what i feel, there are things i've gotta do to make my dreams come true. Tonight when i was repeating these lines to myself, i saw an airplane flying high across the sky. Perfect timing is perfect.

- 23/9

4. Being The Best Student

"What people call 'luck' is not luck, it is Allah's 'will'."

So there's such a thing as tuah, sebab semua terletak di tangan Allah. When some are asked how do they do it and they answer it's just their luck, maybe they mean it. You don't have to be so cynical, with Allah nothing is impossible. How would you be blessed with the same luck too if you're always in denial?

- 25/7

ok this isn't exactly something new... but if you were to tell the primary-school-me that i would be a valedictorian - if you will - she wouldn't have believed it. at that time i asked my friend who was a top scorer  - how did she do it? she had no idea. i said at least she must have some tips? she replied she didn't do anything out of the world. i said that's impossible, of course there must be some secrets? she answered, not at all. and i didn't believe her.

but now i do. i believe her. some things just happened, you know? i would like to think i'm lucky, but then i learn that i'm blessed. some people, of course, have trouble with the fact. i never thought that my friend was lying, or said she was seeking attention, but some people, of course, think and say that to my face. it bothered me at first, but then i improve my ability to not give a shit and say "who cares?"

Have you ever wondered why some people get lucky? because they deserve to be happy. because somewhere along their lives, it was or will be crappy. - 29/3

so don't you ever envy someone who has something you don't have. because you have no idea how to live their life when they don't have something you do have.

stop thinking with shallow mind and talking with shallow people, then you'll realize that so many people can do things in so many ways. Allah doesn't create his servants like humans create robots. when you don't believe how some people can do it without doing what you do, it means you don't believe in Allah's power too. 

- 25/5

alhamdulillah, i never thought that i would go to every Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang, but i did. and the last one, what i had received.. what i had achieved.. was the most pleasantly-surprising of all.

5. People Will Always Have Problem With You

doesn't matter what you do, even if you do it right, people will always think you do it wrong. they will always put the blame on you.

Dear world, y u so full of judgemental people? i'm so sorry because everything i say, you understand it the other way. i'm not responsible for everyone's mindset, maybe some of us need to have it reset :)

- 21/4

To me, what you get from Allah is what you give to others. the law of nature is pretty simple. so why do bad things to other people? when it's your turn, don't blame those who get it better or even fate for not giving you what you desire.

- 20/4

You pray and praise Allah, He is pleased, you are a few steps closer to heaven. You talk and think badly of others, they take offence, you are miles closer to hell. Nauzubillah.

- 18/5

when you're being down to earth, they say you're being pretentious. to think you're still being trashed for not being snobbish, makes you realize that their judgemental mind is their problem, not yours. at that point, i say screw what people say and do it my way. of cos la as long as it is a good way B)

- 24/6

it's ridiculous how worldly matters such as exam results can affect one's ukhwah with another... even with whom they have blood ties with! thus start the ill feeling and the bad mouthing. geez. kalau hidup asyik nak bersaing je memang tak tenangla sampai kiamat. good luck living liddat.

- 14/9

but you know, this taught me not to do the same thing to others. this taught me that you don't only get to know who your real friends are when you're at rock bottom, but also when you're at the top. this taught me that some 'friends' and 'family' are not going to be happy for you like they should. sometimes falling apart is for the better, because keeping it together has made you bitter. that it's okay to let go and leave, cos somethings can't be mended and until then you can't never find peace. stop pleasing the wrong people and you'll realize there are the right ones who will be pleased just by seeing you alive.

and so, so much more. so thank you.

6. Friends Forever

without bad friends, one can never truly appreciate good friends. I'm still thankful to Allah for some people who made my high school years bearable and memorable. Who i hope will always be there when i'm both happy and miserable, anywhere in the world.

-12/7

I just love my friends. so much. i've been so lucky actually, to find people who click with me and be friends with them. i mean.. of all the odds, of all the strangers, i happened to cross path with people who are quite like me, even if they're not, people who still understand me regardless of our differences.

how awesome is that right?

not everyone can have that. when i were with my friends, i knew i was lucky and i had awesome circle(s) of buddies, but it didn't really hit me how fate has always been on my side, and one day it might not. i will be surrounded by people, but i will feel alone. and that's what loneliness is, so i prefer to be on my own. at times like that, friendsick la siaaa.

"How do I get better once I've had the best?"

But when you've had the worst, you learn to be thankful even when you don't have just as good as you once had.

-11/7

7. Chemistry Is A Curious Thing

Sometimes you don't have it with people you have many things in common with. Sometimes you have it with people who are the total opposite of you. you might even hate their personality, but you like their presence. that's human bonding, a mystery.

i am happy about the chemistry between me and some new friends though. we just met, but i like them already. it took me awhile to realize that. Alhamdulillah. and i hope i will get to know them better and we'll get closer to each other ;)

8. I Hate Attention

oh yes i do. when i was in primary school i received attention because of something, when i was in high school it was because of something else, and when i go to college, it was something totally different this time. i've gotta admit i used to think i only hated the type of attention given to me when i was in SMKLK, i even thought i would rather be given the attention i - according to some people - now get at INTEC.

but i was wrong. turned out i didn't like it at all.

it's not just at INTEC, but something(s) just happened out of the blue.. it caught me off guard and i was genuinely surprised. i mean.. why? to make it up for what happened in 2011? it's just too much to handle. lol ama. isn't it what you had been hoping for after being all emo?

i just don't like being noticed. i prefer to be unknown and live in peace. 

9. Dreams Come True

That's the best way to describe 2012. dreams come true. Alhamdulillah. it was my year. what else can i say? i'm so thankful for it all. 2012 was the perk of my life. life feels so normal, at times even ordinary as usual, but when i stop and think of everything, i can only say, it has been phenomenal.

let's think about everything we have which we think of as normal, and imagine life without it; then you'll see how every little, unnoticeable thing is in fact a miracle. there's always, always, always something to be thankful for in this -sometimes what we think as- awful life and horrible world. always.

- 11/12

but... i am having my shit together now omg :"""D

i keep some texts in my inbox (read: some = 4000) and recently i was rereading some of em (the purpose was to delete anything not worth keeping tapi banyak sangat sampai takde beza pun delete ke tak). there was a conversation between Haje and i. it was in 2010. the year when i was left alone and felt like i was a loser for some reasons. i said to her, i wish my life was awesome like hers. i wish this.. i wish that.. even for the stupidest things, i wish it happened to me too. she said just keep holding on, someday, it will be my turn to experience all that.

and i guess, 'someday' is today :)

10. Everything Happens For A Reason

sometimes something good doesn't happen now so something better will happen later. stay calm and have faith. sometimes something good happens now because something bad will happen in the future. stay calm and be strong. the wheel will spin again.

- 10/4

did you notice? my recap post on 2011 was full of life lessons. but this recap on 2012 is all about the best moments. i guess, it's all worth it, isn't it? the patience i had to endure confronting the bad days, the tears i shed because at some point keeping it all inside was too much and instead of punching someone i resort to crying instead, the anger i harboured in my heart but never unleashed to anyone, everything that had happened in not only 2011 but my whole life, was all worth it came 2012.

we're supposed to write about something which we wish had never happened. i can think of many. But i can't think of the elaboration. Because everything happens for a reason, every good and bad thing makes us a better person.

- 19/7

11. Trendsetter..?

i was about to end this post when i was scrolling down my fesbuk timeline and guess what caught my attention?

this!

HAHAH MEMES BASED ON ME! credits to my junior, nazrin :D

ok it started out with this picture i took last year right after the last SPM paper. naturally being me, i made it my default picture with a caption "senyum, tak perlu kata apa-apa. LOLOL. hai. i am an ex-student now"

this year, a few of my juniors decided to take a picture of themselves on the last day of SPM with the very same pose at the same spot, well sort of. terharu kak ama huhu. it's like a legacy, they said let it be a tradition after this hehe. comel betul korang ni.

12. I SURVIVED THE END OF THE WORLD! LOL

so, that's a summary of my year. which i can think of now, but i'm sure i'll remember more of it later. 2012 was so good to be true i actually fear 2013 will be the opposite, silly me. but hopefully, it will be another better year with a better life, and a better me!  =)

bring it on!