Cendawan dan Cicak

Ini cerita semalam.

Secara tetiba ada seplastik baju aku yang bercendawan, kulapuk atau apa-apa jelah yang berbau semacam tu. aku taktau dah berapa lama satu kaften dan dua tee tu bergumpal dalam keadaan basah seraya menggalakkan pembiakan organisma hitam tak dikehendaki itu. yek.

aku pun ambik dengan perasaan jijik, pegang guna ibu jari dan jari telunjuk je kat hujung tangkai plastik itu. berhajat untuk buang. lalu aku letak kat tepi longkang dapur, dengan harapan takda sapa nampak kejadian ni kecuali mak aku. buat malu seh anak dara ada baju bercendawan.

tetiba aku nampak separuh lengan baju kaler maroon, hujung sleevenya kaler kuning.

alamak. adakah itu baju physical education MRSM Serting aku?

patutlah dah lama aku cari tak jumpa-jumpa. rupanya kau kat sini. aku pun resah gelisah tak senang duduk. aku cari kat semua tempat, to make sure memang baju PE Serting itu hilang, maksudnya betullah yang aku nampak di sebalik kulapuk itu ialah baju tersebut.

memang sah. aku taktau nak buat apa. sedih dan pilu.

itu kenangan tahu tak? kenangan yang aku pernah belajar PE selama 8 bulan kat serting. aku pun duduk termenung kat tepi longkang, pandang gumpalan baju tu. bau harem memang dah tak ganggu hidung aku dah, yang mengganggu otak aku ialah apa perlu aku buat.

"maa, camna ni?"

ma kata, "kalau dah berhajat sangat nak simpan baju tu, ambiklah".

tapi aku geli. geeeliiiii. nak pegang plastiknya pun berkira, ini kan pulak nak pegang baju tu. lama jugaklah aku berperang dalam diri. aku ni dahlah penggeli orangnya. sikit-sikit geli. tapi ada kebaikan, tu maksudnya aku memang pengemas dan pembersih. ece.

atau adakah ni maksudnya aku kena move on?

lupakan yang aku pernah dok MRSM. sebab ramai tak suka bila aku terkenang perkara ni. biasalah makhluk Allah yang jeles. mungkin juga kalau aku buang baju PE ni, maksudnya kenangan semua terbuang bersama, dah tak payah aku nak kempunan, nak bernostalgia lagi mengenang masa lalu. hm.

tapi takleh jadi ni. lantaklah nak kena jangkitan cendawan ke, aku tak kesah.

aku pun dengan gigih sarung tangan dalam plastik, bawak keluar baju tu dari gumpalan baju lain. maaf baju lain, mungkin agak tak adil aku hanya selamatkan baju PE, tapi korang takde sentimental value, so goodbye have a nice day in the bin. walaupun sayang tapi lemahlah weh nak hilangkan cendawan kat tiga baju. rasa bersalah tetap menguasai diri.

masa nak ambik baldi untuk rendam baju PE tu pulaklah ada cicak lompat kat tangan aku. siotan! takleh tahan ok cicak cicak ni. apa lagi menjerit lah aku terlompat-lompat. meremang bulu tengkuk teringat kesejukan kulit diaaa eeeeee.

oh Allah, banyak betul dugaan nak selamatkan baju PE ini.

tapi alhamdulillah, baju tu sekarang as good as new.

memang hari ini dalam sejarah betul.
cendawan dan cicak, memang paling geli tahu taaaak.

Konspirasi Dunia

PUH, PUH, PUH!

letih meniup habuk dari blog ni. ye dah agak lama aku tak update. kenapa?

mula-mula aku baca kat iluvislam pasal kekejaman Israel. then pasal Israel dan Yahudi, apa beza? kemudian dalami pasal ahli kitab. lepas tu, terbaca pulak The Vatican. konon pasal perbualan sorang mamat dengan orang kuat agama Yahudi.

menarik untuk dibaca, dan sangat membuka minda. aku tak skeptikal pasal konspirasi, malah agak into it, tapi tak percaya bulat-bulat. kalau betul, memang hebatlah yahudi untuk plan such thing for hundred of years. wallahuallam.

aku tengok The Arrivals dengan video The Wakeup Project yang lain. terbaca pulak pasal The Obama Deception. seterusnya pasal The Protocols of The Elders of Zion, New World Order, Illuminati, dan sepupu sepapatnya. sampai pulak dekat topik 2012, dari pelbagai sudut dan kononnya mungkin bukan the so called 'apocalypse' yang jadi, tapi satu era peradaban baru, mungkin time tulah New World Order ni direalisasikan, banyak lagilah. bukan tu je, aku siap baca pasal asal usul Hang Tuah and Co. sekali, adakah dorang ada kaitan dengan Hang Li Po?

itulah agenda aku selama beberapa hari aku hilangkan diri. tak tido malam baca pasal semua ni. salahkan forumer kat iluvislam. eh tak, salahkan diri sendiri sebab taknak ambil tau dari dulu.

aku cadangkan korang baca jugak, cuti ni nak layan facebook setiap hari pun boleh muntah bai.

kesimpulan aku pasal teori konspirasi, aku tak tolak mentah-mentah. tapi kesannya memang kita dapat tengok dengan mata, fikir dengan akal. kalau betul, kita dah termasuk dalam jerat diorang. kalau tak, kita masih menuju tempat yang sama, diorang takyah buat apa pun.

kesimpulan aku pasal 2012, aku menyampah kat orang yang bajet bagus sampai boleh kata benda ni mengarut. memanglah Allah lebih mengetahui, tapi tak rugi kan untuk tahu serba sedikit pasal hal ni. manusia ada keupayaan untuk kaji banyak benda, dah tanggungjawab kita untuk guna kelebihan tu demi agama. bukannya sampai nak percayakan manusia lebih daripada rahsia tuhan kan?

wallahuallam.

jangan risau, hidup aku tak berkiblatkan apa yang aku baca dalam internet ye. baca takpa, at least kalau ada apa-apa jadi, aku dapat kata

"aku dah baca!"

mesti nak menang okay.

Patutlah Mak Aku Tak Suka Celine Dion. Jew Rupanya.

Heboh pasal Mavi Marmara. time tu aku periksa, tapi sebab aku dibesarkan dalam keluarga yang menitikberatkan issue semasa dan melekat depan Astro Awani atau Bernama atau Aljazeera kalau ada apa-apa berlaku, jadi aku pun tak boleh lepas pandang hal ni.

Israel kata kapal tu bawak senjata nak kasi penduduk Gaza. bawak simen dan sbg untuk diorang buat bom. tu jadi alasan diorang untuk tahan kapal kita, untuk bunuh orang kita? kata jelah kau nak rampas semua ubat dengan makanan tu, nak bagi Gaza kebulur.

pastu boleh pulak kata kita serang dia dulu. eh kalau ye pun, yang kau ikut Mavi Marmara dengan berapa banyak kapal selam, kapal perang, helikopter tu semua buat apa? kalau ye pun nak buat inspection je, kenapa macam nak perang bagai? dengan kena kepungnya, korang pulak main tembak semua orang, memang lah kitorg patut melawan.

peliknya kat sini, kalau kitorg serang kau dulu, kenapa kitorg yang ramai mati, askar kau semua sihat walafiat je? aku taktaulah kalau masih ada orang yang nak sokong Israel ni. alasan punya see through, budak sekolah cam aku pun boleh tau.

dengan Rachel Corrie pulak, korang sabotaj satellite kan, kacau radar sampai diorang tak dapat contact orang luar. eh sebab korang tak berkeras dengan Rachel Corrie, tak semestinya korang nampak bagus tau tak? setakat sebab kena gertak dengan satu dunia, tak yah lah.

gambar dapat dari sini dan bacalah sini sekali.

satu kapal bantuan kena serang, wah kecoh satu dunia. memanglah kita takleh tolerate. masalahnya, aku peliklah jugak kenapa bila jadi benda macamni, kita baru nak gelabah?

oh tak, aku lupa. kita pernah gelabah. banyak kali sebenarnya, masa Iraq first time kena, pastu Gaza, pastu sepupu sepapat diorang. tapi lama-kelamaan, perasaan tu hilang. gelabah nak lebat masa awal-awal je. pum pang strike sana sini, memorandum melayang.

serangan ke atas satu kapal tu walaupun ramai terkorban, takda apa sebenarnya. yes the activists sure suffer as hell, and we, the comfortable folks reading my blog, have no idea at all. tapi kalau nak banding dengan penduduk Gaza, diorang tak heran dah.

kenapa kita kata Israel langgar undang-undang dunia, hak asasi manusia sebab diorang serang satu kapal misi bantuan? kenapa kita tak kata diorang langgar undang-undang dunia, hak asasi manusia sebab diorang ambik tanah orang lain, tindas, bunuh sebab tamak? kenapa?

oh aku lupe. sebab dalam dunia ni sebenarnya perang dibenarkan. ye tak salah perang. cuma ada beberapa syarat je, that fine lines which get crossed many times enough to anyone even bother. dah nama pun perang mestilah orang awam kena jugak, kau bukannya perang mulut.

maksudnya kalau bila-bila Singapore contohnya, nak serang kita, takpelah. boleh je.

memanglah kita patut selamatkan kapal Mavi Marmara, Rachel Corrie. kenapa kita tak sekecoh begitu untuk selamatkan mangsa perang? kita hantar memorandum, bising sikit je Yahudi dah kecut perut, terus tak berkeras, terus berlembut.

cubalah kalau kita buat macamtu demi mangsa perang. mesti Yahudi kecut jugak kan?

eh tapi sorrylah, kita takde hak sebenarnya nak stopkan perang. sebab perang tu dibenarkan undang-undang. patutlah Yahudi selamba badak je buat macam-macam, sebab walaupun diorang tahu the whole world is against them, diorang still boleh tampil selamba menjawab soalan reporter. sebab kalau setakat perang, diorang tak bersalah sebenarnya.

i'm questioning human value here. i dont know much, and i dont want to know. jangan suruh aku refer Internet, please. dulu masa aku rajin layan politik Malaysia pun sampai tak tidur malam godek internet, ni kan pulak isu global.

korang tahu kenapa Yahudi bukan je pandai gila, tapi bersemangat jugak? sebab diorang buat ni untuk agama diorang. tak, diorang bukan nak sebarkan agama. diorang tak terima convert. berapa banyak Yahudi yang ada sekarang ni, diorang semuanya tulen daripada zaman Nabi lagi. diorang buat ni sebab nak kuatkan agama, kalahkan Islam, takluk dunia.

sebab apa? sebab agama. tulah satu ciri kat Yahudi yang kita kena contohi. oleh itu, sila baca blog ini, pasal macamana umat Islam sekarang lain dengan umat Islam dulu.

Celine Dion takleh salahkan mak aku, sebab walaupun bukan semua Jew jahat, tapi kebanyakan diorang memang tak berhati perut. tapi takpe, aku masih tak benci membuta tuli.

Peace.

Bitter Comeback For Bitter People.

dah berapa lama aku tak update blog ni, tapi bukanlah sebab aku sangat fokus belajar untuk periksa. masa yang aku tak guna untuk blog tu tak bermakna aku guna untuk belajar.

aku masih mengekalkan sikap buruk aku, iaitu belajar hanyalah bila nak periksa, dan hanyalah enam jam sehari sebelum periksa. ya.

apa, susah nak percaya?

amalina yang korang katakan nerd ini sebegitu rupa?

tu jelah kenyataannya. tapi masih ramai yang menganggap aku kononnya rajin melampaui batas, padahal tidak weh, tidak. susah sangat ke nak percaya yang aku ni malas?

oh, sebab kalau malas je result mesti nak kena fail semua lah?
takleh terima yang aku tak berusaha bermatian-matian? fine.

maaflah, kalau post kalini agak poyo. tapi niat aku cuma nak lepaskan amarah dekat manusia tak rasional yang tidak dapat menerima kebenaran je.

kau nak sangat tengok aku dapat result teruk sebab sebelum ni aku tak belajar sangat pun still dapat result okay kan? nak tengok sangatkan? pas aku fail exam ni, gelak lah kau puas-puas. gelaklah, gelak. orang kalau takde kekuatan sendiri memang suka cari kelemahan orang lain.

lepasni aku fail semua, baru kau nak puas hati kan?
jangan risau, aku tak dapat result kalini macam ujian 1 dulu. barulah kau percaya yang aku ni takdelah beriya sangat sebenarnya. kalau aku dapat okay, camna kau nak percaya kan?

ada jugak manusia yang takleh terima kekalahan sendiri, lalu mereka cipta kisah pasal orang lain, sebab tak puas hati dengan orang tu, tak puas hati dengan diri sendiri.

contohnya; artis A. tak suka artis B. sebab artis B ni bukan saja cun, tapi rezeki melimpah ruah. nyanyi setengah jam pun dapat 8 ribu. jadi artis A, canang cerita kata artis B pakai susuk, sebab tu dia nampak lawa, sebab tu ramai orang panggil kerja. padahal taknak terima kenyataan. simple je, yang sebenarnya artis B tu lagi berbakat dari dia. kalau artis B berbakat semula jadi, kau pulak tak, kau haruslah cari inisiatif lain wahai artis A, pergilah kelas vokal ke, London Weight Management ke, masuk AF ke.

pendek kata, usaha. usaha itu berbeza-beza mengikut orang. kalau kau cuba berusaha macam artis B, yang sebenarnya takdelah beriya sangat cuma Allah je mudahkan jalan dia, kau janganlah ikut rentak artis B yang selesa macamtu. kau kena usaha lebih lagi, jangan ikut orang.

faham?

aku rasa kat mana-mana pun akan ada manusia macamni. tapi korang yang baca, tolonglah jangan buang tebiat macam ni. penatlah tau tak, penat.

On Mother's Day, We Watched Pensil.

tekan sini untuk Cerita Hari Ibu.

Kesian mak aku, dia duduk rumah macam hari biasa, takda yang istimewa. aku insist on cooking for her, tapi dia kata ma nak baring depan TV taknak dok dapur. apa pulak, aku yang nak masak. dia kata akhirnya dia kena jugak masuk dapur, sebab aku ni agak tak berguna kalau masak sorang-sorang.

aku tanya ma nak makan apa-apa tak? aku belanja. tapi dia taknak. aku paksa maa ambekla duit aku ni haa, hadiah Hari Ibu, dia taknak. dah macam-macam aku paksa untuk buat harini kurang boring seperti biasa, tapi ma aku taknak.

baguslah kalau mak aku memang bukan jenis orang yang selalu sentimental emotional macam aku, dia bukan orang yang ambek pot pasal benda remeh temeh. walaupun sekarang takda sapa datang untuk raikan dia, untuk bawak keluar makan jalan-jalan, beza gila dengan masa babah aku ada pastu babah bawak makan dekat kelab semua, dia takda sayu-sayu.

aku pulak yang sayu tengok dia. jadi kitorang memang habiskan harini macam biasa.

salah satu agenda ialah tengok cerita Pensil.

standing ovation untuk Badrul. aku ingat dia cacat betul sebab orang normal tak boleh berlakon cacat begitu convincing sekali. rupanya dia memang normal, a convert and a teacher lagi. and first time aku suke Mak Mah berlakon, sangat nenek idaman. cerita ni best, it gives us a different dish with local flavours, satisfying my appetite which cant take anymore typical stories of lame love and haunting spirits, stories so Malaysian. sayangnya orang kita tak pergi masuk panggung untuk tengok cerita macamni, diorang nak tengok cerita yang berwarna warni dan pelakonnya cun dan ganteng yang takde isi tersembunyi.

walaupun mak aku bukan jenis yang menangis mengenangkan nasib diri, tapi dia dan aku sama-sama menangis mengenangkan nasib Badrul. bila tengok si Badrul tu bejalan senget benget dengan cara kelam kabut ala-ala budak terlebih gula, aku gelak. bila dia bermanja dengan nenek dia, aku senyum. antara yang best time dia nangis dekat nenek dia, mengadu orang kampung kata dia pencuri. nenek dia kata sabar, kita ada Allah, doa, Allah tolong.

time tu aku rasa nasihat tu kena dekat aku, maka mengalirlah air mata lagi. kalau ada orang macam nenek tu dalam hidup aku, memang air mata cepat kering rasanya.

pasal dia kawan ngn Jalil Hamid tu memang comel. dua-dua macam gila. tapi sebenarnya diorang lain. Badrul tu physically challenged je tapi otak dia okay, dia ingat Allah, dia fikir, dia sayang mak dia yang bangang tu, dia jual barang, dia doa. tapi Jalil Hamid pulak fizikal sempurna tapi mentally challenged, terbayang-bayang kisah silam dia, tak dapat beza mana betul mana tidak sampaikan Badrul kena ingatkan dia pasal Allah. they really make a good pair.

masa ending dia, memang aku kecewa sebab kita ditinggalkan tertanya-tanya.

aku godek google, baru aku tau ni cerita betul, patutlah takda ending. mungkin Badrul sebenar masih ada, living and kicking, takkanlah kita nak tulis ending dia kan? mula-mula aku kata "alah ini kan cerita, kita tengok cerita nak tau awal dan akhir, kasilah penghabisan dia apa".

pastu aku tukar statement aku,

"rupanya ini real life story, hidup takda TAMAT atau SELESAI, jadi walaupun hidup Badrul amatlah sucks, mungkin happy ending dia jauh lagi, kita cuma kena wait and see, macam hidup kita sendiri."

The Best Mother Ever.

I've already posted many posts about my mother, some for her and some of her in between any related topics. still, i want to write something, just something, for i am an unbelievably my mama's daughter ;)

the history of Mother's day in my family, just like other supposedly celebrated days, the atmosphere is fading away. when my dad was here, on Mother's Day or mama's birthday or their anniversary or ordinary day even, he would buy flowers for my mom. huge, so huge you might think he gave her a bed of roses. he gave her jeweleries, too. or handbags.

mama never asks for anything. but babah always knew what she wants. mama just stole a quick glance at the new arrival at Habib, and babah would force her to go into the shop and pick what she desired. babah gave her cards, cards so carefully written with beautiful words i cried reading them. man mama was lucky to have had such husband, but she's not anymore.

my brothers were all in their Mother's Day mood when they were abroad. cards each year, with the music flowing when you open them, expensive. but when they are here, the cards are not annual anymore. sometimes they give it, sometimes they don't. maybe because they feel slightly embarrass to do so, after all they are boys and expressing deep emotions is much easier when you are kilometers apart.

i totally understand because i was like them too. when i was little, saying 'i love you' to mama was a really tough quest. we did cards, drew pictures, but as i remember it i have never passed those to her. my friends would take out their RM 2 to buy gifts at the bookshop, i bought them but was too coward and ended up keeping them for myself.

when i was in standard 3 maybe, i bought a pink pen with the sweet-smelling ink, and finally had the guts to give it to my mother but without any wish or so. i just shoved it i her palm and said "adek rasa hari ni Mother's day, nah hadiah untuk mama".

it is different now, though. now i have developed an annoying 'anak manja' habit. i say i love her everyday, i kiss her, i hug her, i stick with her as much as i can. i ask her to cuddle me like a baby, and she would say "dulu mama nak peluk taknak, malulah apalah sekarang mengada-ngada pulak". my mother is not like moms you see in tv, she is not the type who comes to her daughter and ask "what bothers you". so i have to come to her and show that i care about her. i will force her to listen to me. i will force her to tell me if she's not alright.

she's not a modern mom with great job and high salary and a PhD. she is my mom, the best and flawless still who taught me to read Al-Quran when i was 3, count numbers, read books even before i knew what kindergarten was, she is my first and the best teacher.

she has been there for me all the time. she knows about my hatred, school crush and sadness. she has seen the best and the worst of me. i have made her cry so many times. i was not a good daughter, i was terrible 6 years back. yeah, i did break my mother's heart repeatedly. i am not proud of it, but i do feel grateful for being such an ass at that such young age, for now i have regretted how awful i was and i try to redeem it.

i think that is why i am so manja now, because i've done big mistakes and i feel remorse. just how some big sinners are more saint once they repent than ordinary people. i have grown up, i pray 24/7 for her best. i want to be with her as long as i can. i tell her everything i feel about her, i want her to know how much i love her and how much i try to change, i want her to notice that.

i would take a bullet for her, but i know she is too quick and would shield me first.

Happy Mother's Day Mama, even a billion cloned mothers with desired characteristics cant even beat you in my list, in anyone's list even.

My Notes Are Yours.

so Kak Nurlin has wished me good luck for mid year exam, which i haven't done anything about it just yet. maybe you have read from one of my latest posts about me determining not to go online until after the exam is over. oh well, typical me.

i sit my butt in front of computer even a day before PMR, so what did ya expect.

as i have already moaned about, my choral speaking practices arent going to last before 17 May. i practically have like, one week after that to study. gosh i (not surprisingly) cant find the time to study, but i obviously am devoted to daily routines. you know, afternoon nap, newspapers, Friends, Scrubs and stuffs. shoot when will these end?

such uncontrollable laziness results in me sleeping at 1 or 2 am, finishing homeworks. which leads me to drink nescafe first thing in the morning, which causes me to be annoyingly hyperactive at school. and the cycle goes on and on.

i dont know whether it is THAT beneficial or not, but i just cant help doing notes everyday, on the subjects at school la. you might think "AMA NERD BUAT NOTE DOH". when actually i do enjoy scribbling Sejarah, Biology and Agama etc. i even make them as my top priority, regardless how many piles of homeworks i have.

i think it is like, sort of. . . wasting time, in the sense of 'wasting time for good things'. what the. because i sleep at 1.30 am doing notes, when actually the teachers arent asking for it and my classmates dont even give a crap about it. and i will end up getting frustrated knowing i have spent my days doing up to chapter 5 Biology when they are still stuck for months at Chapter 1, or even the fact that some of them do the notes extraordinarily in the simplest way, or they merely copying the notes in revision books.

still i write the notes by myself only based on the textbook and i read it line by line to underline the main points and the sub points and i make sure nothing is left out and i do it like the world ends tomorrow. and i do it perfectly. because whats the point in copying notes from revision books, meaning you have two copies of identical notes? whats the point of doing notes very shortly when you know you're not gonna read it because it is incomplete?

i think i have some obsession for doing notes, kot. it is the only less embarrassing reason. looking at my friends whose notebooks are clean and clear yet still dont flunk their exams make me feel some negative sensation in here.

but maybe that is what it is. i dont just dont want to fail, but i seriously dont want to get lower than A+, too. and doing notes are a bit relaxing then finishing homeworks, for some reasons.

what bothers me is how i have consumed countless hours working on the notes, yet some people only spend half an hour copying MY notes. i dont mind, seriously. because i know i will be blessed, haha. for anything good you do you will be rewarded right?

but it is a bit too much when i cant even find out or remember who borrows my books because my books are apparently some sort of public facilities now. i want to be nice, i like to be nice, but not all the time i want my buckets of sweat to be enjoyed by other people.

i remember how i thought i lost my Geography note book (with the notes fully completed) last year, only to be handed back a day before sitting for Geo trial paper. thanks, mate. cant believe some people dont even remember the fact that they keep my notes dearly, almost AT HOME.

even once i did presentation in the class, i was the one writing it on kertas mahjong, and to my surprise not one of my group mates can understand what i'm writing about. seriously people, how did you read books before this? did you read the whole textbook and the whole sentence? cant you make out whats most important and what is the least?

and you want to copy my notes, all the freaking time.

for the record i felt a little insulted at that time, hah hah. i ended up doing the presentation all by myself, the talking and explaining because nobody can comprehend my notes.

haish maybe i should stop whining so much. fine.

just one thing, i have a golden rule to anyone who wants my notes or exercises.
do pray for my success for every word you copy, thanks.