The Best Mother Ever.

I've already posted many posts about my mother, some for her and some of her in between any related topics. still, i want to write something, just something, for i am an unbelievably my mama's daughter ;)

the history of Mother's day in my family, just like other supposedly celebrated days, the atmosphere is fading away. when my dad was here, on Mother's Day or mama's birthday or their anniversary or ordinary day even, he would buy flowers for my mom. huge, so huge you might think he gave her a bed of roses. he gave her jeweleries, too. or handbags.

mama never asks for anything. but babah always knew what she wants. mama just stole a quick glance at the new arrival at Habib, and babah would force her to go into the shop and pick what she desired. babah gave her cards, cards so carefully written with beautiful words i cried reading them. man mama was lucky to have had such husband, but she's not anymore.

my brothers were all in their Mother's Day mood when they were abroad. cards each year, with the music flowing when you open them, expensive. but when they are here, the cards are not annual anymore. sometimes they give it, sometimes they don't. maybe because they feel slightly embarrass to do so, after all they are boys and expressing deep emotions is much easier when you are kilometers apart.

i totally understand because i was like them too. when i was little, saying 'i love you' to mama was a really tough quest. we did cards, drew pictures, but as i remember it i have never passed those to her. my friends would take out their RM 2 to buy gifts at the bookshop, i bought them but was too coward and ended up keeping them for myself.

when i was in standard 3 maybe, i bought a pink pen with the sweet-smelling ink, and finally had the guts to give it to my mother but without any wish or so. i just shoved it i her palm and said "adek rasa hari ni Mother's day, nah hadiah untuk mama".

it is different now, though. now i have developed an annoying 'anak manja' habit. i say i love her everyday, i kiss her, i hug her, i stick with her as much as i can. i ask her to cuddle me like a baby, and she would say "dulu mama nak peluk taknak, malulah apalah sekarang mengada-ngada pulak". my mother is not like moms you see in tv, she is not the type who comes to her daughter and ask "what bothers you". so i have to come to her and show that i care about her. i will force her to listen to me. i will force her to tell me if she's not alright.

she's not a modern mom with great job and high salary and a PhD. she is my mom, the best and flawless still who taught me to read Al-Quran when i was 3, count numbers, read books even before i knew what kindergarten was, she is my first and the best teacher.

she has been there for me all the time. she knows about my hatred, school crush and sadness. she has seen the best and the worst of me. i have made her cry so many times. i was not a good daughter, i was terrible 6 years back. yeah, i did break my mother's heart repeatedly. i am not proud of it, but i do feel grateful for being such an ass at that such young age, for now i have regretted how awful i was and i try to redeem it.

i think that is why i am so manja now, because i've done big mistakes and i feel remorse. just how some big sinners are more saint once they repent than ordinary people. i have grown up, i pray 24/7 for her best. i want to be with her as long as i can. i tell her everything i feel about her, i want her to know how much i love her and how much i try to change, i want her to notice that.

i would take a bullet for her, but i know she is too quick and would shield me first.

Happy Mother's Day Mama, even a billion cloned mothers with desired characteristics cant even beat you in my list, in anyone's list even.