That's My Privacy

you know how it feels like when you feel you have no privacy at all?

i know i barely talk to you now but this time i just can't talk to you anymore. i'm sorry.

but you read my virtual diary, which i don't even tell my best friend for six years about it as i am embarrassed for it is very personal, when she already knows some of the things i have to say there.

you know about my exam result, which i don't even tell my mom about it because i can't talk about my disappointment, when she already knows how much i screwed up and how it affected me.

then you find out, what, my home address? which i don't even tell my friends about it unless i invite them myself, when most of them pass by my house for years without knowing i live in it.

and i hope that is the wrong address. God, i hope it is. you know my ic and id number, when that should have been private and confidential. you know my tumblr, when that should have been so very personal. there goes my academic and personal life. what else is there for me to keep to myself? you know me. people who know me know i value my privacy. i crave personal space. i need a private page.

what you did, that is just - i can't even. that is the last straw.

funny thing is, i had a hunch that this would happen, too many times. i knew you were probably gonna find my tumblr, i realized every possible way it could happen, every connection i have to everyone who might lead you to finding it, but i always brushed it off, i thought i was just being too paranoid. who knew, i was right. and i had a feeling that you knew about my result just by the way you talked to me about it, but i didn't think you found it out by yourself. who knew, right.

i know, i'm the one who put it out there for the world to find. maybe i shouldn't have done that. but you know too, that you shouldn't have done what i hate people to do. i stalk people too, other people stalk people too, but you just brought it to the whole new level. well at least it hit me, i probably should stop stalking people. one might do it out of fun or out of feelings and you and i probably think we do it for the right reasons, but you just don't realize the level of creepiness and offence stalking offers, unless you become the victim. stalking is fun but having your secrets being known by the last person you want them to know about your life, is not. maybe we're just the same, but what sets me and you apart is i don't dig that deep when i know someone hides it. especially if i knew i would find things which would make the person kill me for finding it, and especially if i knew i would find something that would kill me enough nobody else has to do it. you want to stalk my facebook? fine, it is open to friends. you want to stalk my blog? i can't stop you because it's public. but my tumblr? my exam results? my home address?

now you basically know everything one can know about me.

i can go further and i can be ruder but i guess you already know that from everything you now know about me, and i guess i shouldn't let my words hurt you anymore than i already do. you are wrong when you think i never think about you. i'm not that good a girl but i'm not that cruel. you've read what i wrote about you right? i never meant for you to read it, but at least it shows i'm not a heartless heart breaker. and now you know how bad a person i am, maybe that will make things easier for you. 

i'm so sorry for everything i have done, written, said, and for the things i can not do.

just, please, stop. for you.