i decided to be a prefect. i dont know where the enthusiasm and optimism came from, after all i was the one who would be anything, but that 'blue dot'. i never would have thought that i would have this drastic and absurd change of mind. but i just did. out of loneliness, and craving for companions. i want to collect merits to be accepted in good unis. i want to say NO to government's prejudice on choosing mainly elite school students to go abroad.
and obviously, recently i am a bit out of place. searching for someone new to hold on, following everybody's butt to places i dont want to go, listening to all unrelated conversations, i feel like an outsider. so i want to fit in. i want to be one of them, my friends who are mostly prefects. i want to be someone new. staying in my old school doesnt mean that i cant make any difference. not moving to better institutes doesnt mean that i cant be better. i just want to move on, be someone new, like THEY ARE experiencing. if they can, why cant i?
but they are having the pelantikan next week. i was too late. i begged the cikgu, i really made fun of myself but this is just not the moment for me, she said. maybe in the next two months, there will be the second intake for prefects. i wont be the only person performing duty wearing Pengawas Percubaan tag in white uniform, i wont. its just more embarrassing. i was kicked after all the pictures floating in my head. so much for imagining a better life in blue. when i really put my principle of never be a prefect in the back seat, i was rejected. and this odd spirit doesnt come everyday *sigh.
and i was chosen to be in perbahasan AND syarahan. this is what happens when all the gems had transferred to glamorous schools. they are having fun there, and suddenly im the school's greatest hope like there are no one else. i am not flattered, because i was singled out for syarahan because of my former teachers' recommendation. commonla, setakat lisan katak pun boleh buat. and based on only that, now i can bersyarah pulak? perbahasan, thanks to cikgu kelas's favoritism without even considering hidden talent in other people. why dont they just make an audition? not just choosing people based on impressions and suggestions? its not that i am not grateful, i really am. being one of the few who stays, luck often gets in my way. but i think i am not cut out for that, there are better people out there, i just dont deserve it. oh yes i want the merits alright, but not for something i never and can barely do!
this is not Serting when i was a totally new person who had the guts to bersyair in front of people, turning over a new leaf. for all i know, getting stuck here makes it even harder to become a new individual. being in new school is for reinventing yourself. but i am still in Lembah.
i want to reinvent myself, get out of this comfort zone, trying something new, but i just feel so wrapped up by something that i cant burst my wings out.
on the other hand, i am worried of participating in many competitions that i might get bad results. i am really keen to succeed academically, its just more than ever. i want to show to them, i can do it even here. we all can. its not something impossible for sekolah harian students to be outstanding, because its just ourselves we've got to believe in.
not famous schools ranking in top ten. i tell you what, they can be in top ten, because they offer students with good results. students already with that ability to go beyond record. KRK proves that. in 3C1 only, 18 out of 22 striked all As. 19 of them got 5As in UPSR. 2 of the 18 8As students only got 4As in UPSR, but doubled the number in PMR.
even if i start a school, accepting only the best students, even my school will rank in top 3. but that isnt really my effort, as i exploit the kids, for my benefit. but if i start my own school, with only failing students with issues, and polish them and they all excel, then that is my success, too.
anyhow, this is getting ridiculous. out of topic, and the case is closed.
despite my determination to get as much points as i can, i am worried of not doing well in exams. should i be someone who tries to get good results all the way to SPM, or just have fun in form 4, play much for certificates, taking chances, jumping of the edge. all in order to get into good unis. of course i will stop the play as i reach form 5, and study hard. what do you think?
because being in lower form makes me realize something. i used to get all As for all exams, never did i spoil the number, never. but it was all for nothing, NOTHING. what is the use of all that? they didnt even care about trial! all they consider is PMR result. of course, which i shared with other 28000 candidates. oh why i wasnt like some of my friends were, not taking school exams seriously and just collect merits, but in the end they all have taken their flight and fly.
so i think, getting good grades in form 4 doesnt help much in booking good future. all they want is koko qualification, they dont give a heck how much As you get unless its trial and SPM.
i am at two turns now. to just give a shot in every freaking competition, and not making study as important as it was to me, or just focus on it all the way. but get nothing back for all the seeds i plant before the real big thing.
yes people, i am really not a person who goes with the flow in this situation,
i do plan my way.
and obviously, recently i am a bit out of place. searching for someone new to hold on, following everybody's butt to places i dont want to go, listening to all unrelated conversations, i feel like an outsider. so i want to fit in. i want to be one of them, my friends who are mostly prefects. i want to be someone new. staying in my old school doesnt mean that i cant make any difference. not moving to better institutes doesnt mean that i cant be better. i just want to move on, be someone new, like THEY ARE experiencing. if they can, why cant i?
but they are having the pelantikan next week. i was too late. i begged the cikgu, i really made fun of myself but this is just not the moment for me, she said. maybe in the next two months, there will be the second intake for prefects. i wont be the only person performing duty wearing Pengawas Percubaan tag in white uniform, i wont. its just more embarrassing. i was kicked after all the pictures floating in my head. so much for imagining a better life in blue. when i really put my principle of never be a prefect in the back seat, i was rejected. and this odd spirit doesnt come everyday *sigh.
and i was chosen to be in perbahasan AND syarahan. this is what happens when all the gems had transferred to glamorous schools. they are having fun there, and suddenly im the school's greatest hope like there are no one else. i am not flattered, because i was singled out for syarahan because of my former teachers' recommendation. commonla, setakat lisan katak pun boleh buat. and based on only that, now i can bersyarah pulak? perbahasan, thanks to cikgu kelas's favoritism without even considering hidden talent in other people. why dont they just make an audition? not just choosing people based on impressions and suggestions? its not that i am not grateful, i really am. being one of the few who stays, luck often gets in my way. but i think i am not cut out for that, there are better people out there, i just dont deserve it. oh yes i want the merits alright, but not for something i never and can barely do!
this is not Serting when i was a totally new person who had the guts to bersyair in front of people, turning over a new leaf. for all i know, getting stuck here makes it even harder to become a new individual. being in new school is for reinventing yourself. but i am still in Lembah.
i want to reinvent myself, get out of this comfort zone, trying something new, but i just feel so wrapped up by something that i cant burst my wings out.
on the other hand, i am worried of participating in many competitions that i might get bad results. i am really keen to succeed academically, its just more than ever. i want to show to them, i can do it even here. we all can. its not something impossible for sekolah harian students to be outstanding, because its just ourselves we've got to believe in.
not famous schools ranking in top ten. i tell you what, they can be in top ten, because they offer students with good results. students already with that ability to go beyond record. KRK proves that. in 3C1 only, 18 out of 22 striked all As. 19 of them got 5As in UPSR. 2 of the 18 8As students only got 4As in UPSR, but doubled the number in PMR.
even if i start a school, accepting only the best students, even my school will rank in top 3. but that isnt really my effort, as i exploit the kids, for my benefit. but if i start my own school, with only failing students with issues, and polish them and they all excel, then that is my success, too.
anyhow, this is getting ridiculous. out of topic, and the case is closed.
despite my determination to get as much points as i can, i am worried of not doing well in exams. should i be someone who tries to get good results all the way to SPM, or just have fun in form 4, play much for certificates, taking chances, jumping of the edge. all in order to get into good unis. of course i will stop the play as i reach form 5, and study hard. what do you think?
because being in lower form makes me realize something. i used to get all As for all exams, never did i spoil the number, never. but it was all for nothing, NOTHING. what is the use of all that? they didnt even care about trial! all they consider is PMR result. of course, which i shared with other 28000 candidates. oh why i wasnt like some of my friends were, not taking school exams seriously and just collect merits, but in the end they all have taken their flight and fly.
so i think, getting good grades in form 4 doesnt help much in booking good future. all they want is koko qualification, they dont give a heck how much As you get unless its trial and SPM.
i am at two turns now. to just give a shot in every freaking competition, and not making study as important as it was to me, or just focus on it all the way. but get nothing back for all the seeds i plant before the real big thing.
yes people, i am really not a person who goes with the flow in this situation,
i do plan my way.
6 comments:
u knw wht, there's a song titled 'my way' and i really love it.
ok, ok.. - -"
ama, i understand wht ur going thru, tp kalau awk nak jd pgawas, wht does it change? u enter class late, u'll have more responsibilities, and the advantages are, of course, u get merits and... wht? u get to be wth us? tht's good, it's a good thg, and i respect ur decision.
ok itu satu. awk pikir2 kanlah.
kita stuju dgn apa awk ckp, the skool shud buat audition, cungkil bakat each and every person, not just, yeah randomly pick smeone with a good rep and impression, thanks for pointing tht out. honestly mmg kita nak masuk perbahasan, kta nak syarahan, kita nak debate, public speaking apekebende sume. but i can't bolot all of it mself, so the best way is to, yes, hold an audition.
nad offer kita replace her for perbahasan. awk offer kta amik syarahan. but i rejected both, coz tcr wnts you to go ahead, so u guys shud try, let me find my luck somewhere else. dnt get me wrong, bknnya kita sacrifice or anythg, tp kta nak buat perkara yg betul. cikgu srh korang, so korang go ahead.
but if there is an audition, of course i'll go all out to win it. Takdela kita nak kasi can2 kat org, tade. itu adat pertandingan, u win it or lose it, and of course, i would wnt to win.
pounce on all these as a chance, ama. masuk perbahasan. masuk debate. apa2 yg tcr suruh, awk masuk. it'll help u a lot. ada experience, takde experiance, ada interest or takde itu sume awk tolak tepi.
just give everythg your best shot, you best.
apa2 awk tau kita ada. i may seem kdg2 un-serious, kurang bcakap ngan awk sbb myb kta xtau apa nak ckp, and smetimes joke2 to the extent of being annoying, but if there's anyhtg u'd like me to do or help u wth,
kita ada. yes i'll be there :)
pjg gila cipan gaban bapak kontot. tp pleasela bace. :')
PEQAH THANK U SM :D
kita suke cmmnt panjang2. nge.
i knowww lagu may way tu mcm boleh menangis kalau dengar. inspirasi kpd tajuk ni jugaklah.
eh i really taknak ohh. dah try bersyarah kat diri sendiri tapi tak best, mmg kalahlah nanti. awak awak cikgu tak pilih kita lah, cikgu dgr cikgu laen ckp, tapi dia kata (cikgu syarahan agama tula) die nak calon je, kalau ade kawan berminat boleh bring along. SO APA ANDA TUNGGU LAGI NI?!
insyaallah, i'll give my bestlah. cuma taktau utk apa lagi ;>
oh, oh yeah. you shouly really join as many competitions as possible but mind you, biar ada achievements la :D hehe.
in most applications akak tengok so far, usually require up to 5 sporting achievements and 5 academics achievements.
bile dah ade 5, yg peringkat national international gitu, stop la then. study gila gila pulak.
eheh :P
haha betulbetulbetul, nak kerja senang masuk sme tapi kalah buatpe kan.5 SPORTING ACHIEVEMENTS? oh gila. dan academic achievements? apakah? result peksa ke?
hm bila pulak nak sampai national, state pun payah x)
bukan keputusan periksa laaa. xD
sporting tu masuk kawad kaki so on. tp kalau mcm, dpt certs for maths n english yg quiz australia tu, academic achievements la..
akak punye sporting 3 keping je. huhu.
start mengumpul, amaa!
oh ek kak bunney.
die tak kira lower form sekali ke?
--" penat lah nak mengumpul balik utk dua tahun, byk mane je dpt.
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