Makaroni dan Memori

aku mendapati aku telah turun 1 kg. jadi sebagai seorang budak yg cepat lupa diri, aku pun terus memasak cis makaroni. yang aku melantak seorang diri.

nyum nyum. aku rasa cis makaroni aku lagi sedap daripada buatan KFC (?).

sedang lincah di dapur, tetiba Auntie Sariah datang. macam biasa, dia akan jadi ratu air mata bila terkenangkan persahabatan dia dengan babah. tak sah kalau tak keluar cerita dulu-dulu, camna babah gilakan mama, dan sebagainya.

menyampah tak bila aku linkkan setiap perkataan? ngaha.

kali ni cerita yang babah nazar puasa kalau dapat mama. mcmana babah hepi mama balas surat dia, Auntie Sariah pulak menangis sebab terharu. kawan2 dorang semua cadangkan babah pergi Gunung Ledang, ambik berkat untuk ngorat mama. seriously.

kalau akulah jadi Auntie Sariah, aku akan marah babah. tak rasional sukakan orang mcmtu sekali. kot-kot mama ni kaki kikis ke, pisau cukur ke, meroyan ke, mana lah die tau. tak kenal, main suka je. tapi kalau dah jodoh. naseb mama i baik you.

orang dulu selamatla kalau nak buat perangai macam babah. sebab orang dulu semua baik. tak pakai tudung pun baik. tapi sekarang? tah hape tersembunyi di sebalik tudung pun kita tak tahu. sekarang janganlah nak maen-maen macam bapak aku, solat hajat untuk dapatkan perempuan yg kau tak kenal pun. bahaya. sekarang bukan dulu, sekarang dunia dah maju.

lepastu terkeluar cerita yang satu hari in her early 40s, mama tepon Auntie Sariah. mengadu, kata dia pening2 rasa demam. dia risau kot2 ada penyakit, tak bagitahu babah nanti babah gelabah. sekali tengok2 aku yang buat mama pening time tu. haih, sedih lah pulak camne hepinya mama babah dapat anak perempuan tiba2. ingatkan dah tutup kilang, dah redha dah anak jantan je yg ada. sekali aku sampai. tolongla ya Allah, bagi aku ni berbaloi sikit ;(

ini kenangan aku dekat MRSM. kad matrix aku sangatlah huduh, macam Ju-on bak kata classmate aku. aku sendiri tak sanggup tengok, sebab tu aku tampal sticker smiley tu. lagi sedap dipandang. tag Minggu Bahasa tu pulak, omegod boleh nangis terkenang. my best moment in my short MJSC journey. tag aku hilang, so tag tu pemberian seorang senior yang masa tu. . . eh eh terbagitahu pulak. rahsia rahsia. weee.

aku teringin sangat nak merasa hebatnya friendship dekat asrama, mcm kawan2 Serting aku rasa. aku rindu. terkenangkan MRSM, memang tipu kalau aku kata tak best. memang tipu kalau aku percaya kawan-kawan aku yg dah pindah ke asrama takkan lupakan aku. memang tipu kalau aku kata diorang teringatkan aku, walaupun dah dua tahun duduk sana.

sebab hidup dengan kawan dekat MRSM, sangatlah mengujakan.

cuma bukan nasib aku nak merasa lagi sekali. kawan2 aku kali ni dapat peluang, dan aku taktau sama ada aku nak diorang dapat hidup yang teruk kat sana macam aku dulu supaya diorang rindu aku, atau nak diorang hepi dekat sana dengan risiko aku dilupakan.

tapi aku nak jadi baik. berbahagialah korang di sana, ya.

Tersalah Senyum Kat Seseorang

harini aku berjaya terus hidup wlaupun dipaksa duduk dalam dewan sekolah selama 7 jam mendengar seminar bagaimana nak jadi pemimpin cemerlang. fuh.

tapi ade satu kejadian ni, ah memang kelakar.

aku ade bagitau kawan, sebab aku rasa kejadian tu sangatlah bertentangan dengan hakikat sebenar. bak kate omputeh "its not like what you see!". camtu lah.

tapi kalau kes "it is what it is", memang aku tak bagitahu sesapalah. bila cerita tu dah basi berkulat lagi berbau hapak, baru aku berani bukak cerita. biaselah, pemalu, uhuk.

jadi kalau aku ada cerita benda mcm kegatalan dekat korang, sila berbaik sangka dengan menganggap aku ni tak serious pasal tu, bukan nak huha huha sebab aku perasan atau teruja sangat. ataupun kalau aku cerita itu maksudnya benda tu dah jadi satu abad lepas, ok.

begini, ada sorang budak laki ni. last year aku macam pernah pergi satu tempat dengan dia sebab satu pertandingan yang aku masuk pastu menang. kitorg berjalan sama makan sama selama beberapa jam tu sampailah majlis penutup. tapi tak bersembang, tak ke awkward tu? serious aku nak cepuk dia sebab diam sangat.

pastu tadi kat program tu, dia ada. kitorg kena duduk dalam kumpulan tau. pastu aku masuk kumpulan dia, time tu dia da duduk semua. then dia macam pandang aku, pastu senyum sambil angkat tangan macam melambai, tapi rendah je tangan dia tu.

aku tanpa ragu-ragu senyum balik, tapi buat muka pelik.

aku ingat-ingat lupa pasal ni, tapi tak silap aku, aku bukan setakat senyum sahaja, tapi aku sempat lagi balas 'lambaian' dia. what the fish?!

masalahnya di sini aku rabun, tau tak? confident je aku membalas senyuman dia, tah2 dia senyum kat orang belakang aku ke. malu okeh. sebab takde alasan pun dia nak senyum kat aku, sebelum dan selepas kejadian tu dia tak acknowledge pun kewujudan aku accept this one time bila dia desperate nak something. itu je.

so aku sangat yakin yang aku dah salah tengok sebenarnya. malu gila takyah cakaplah, jatuh reputasi dan imej ai sebagai perempuan yang ada standard. haish.

tapi memang kejadian tu honestly made my day :D





UPDATE: thank you, now i can't get the incident out of my mind, and you. shoot.

Ini Tag dr Kak Mira Utk KORANG Semua

di saat terkapai-kapai kelemasan, ditenggelami arus kesibukan dengan sikap individualistik semakin memuncak, aku disinari cahaya yang menarik aku, graviti atau magnet, aku pun tak tahu. sepasang tangan memancar di lautan gelap, mengenggam erat semangatku dan menyemarakkannya kembali.

eh apa punya mengarut mukadimah kali ni la.

padahal nak ckp pasal kena tag dengan Kak Mira je. thanks kak sebab mengtag saya, wah sudah lama saya tak ditag ya. terharu dan teruja. dan maaf sebab buat lambat, uhuk huk.

ok tutup sesi baku dan dramatik, move on.

Where is your cell phone?
one is in my other hand as i'm texting two friends here, and the other is somewhere under the blanket, as i'm not using it. the one under the blanket is supposed to be a trend now, but the keypad and i dont go along really well. i nearly end up throwing the cell away for threatening my patience with its very micro buttons.


Relationship?
A daughter, a sister, a student and a friend. had some teenage fling a few times, but none of them could be called relationship, thank you god. or else i would have been one of the girls who has 57 crushes, 28 affairs, and 19 ex-boyfriends. just not my cup of tea, those people. if you want a relationship, you better treasure the word itself well, not just use it every three months with three different guys. but as a normal teenage girl with hormone imbalance, i sure have those moments myself. just not qualified to be the queen with a cheap tiara on my head. eh, terpedas pulak.


Work?
i spend my holidays resting this lazy butt off mine on sofa or bed. but i once had a thought of working at fast-food restaurant after SPM. and i thought of that when i was 12, while my bestfriend wanted to work in a cosmetic store or something. my choice itself speaks for me, eh? going to be even fatter if i eat pizzas or burgers every day.


Your sisters?
oh how i wish. bad enough, i'm the last after 4 hormonally challenged boys with endless ego issues and other behaviours that dont suit my liking, which instantly pull me from males.


Your favorite thing?
from emotional novels to leather handbags to serenity to food to clothes to TV to mp3 to my PC, haih, what more can i ask? probably because i'm not a person who asks too much kot. ecehceh.


Your dream last night?
did you know? or so I think i might know it from some research, people who dream are those who are restless. ada logiknya di situ ya. ok tapi itu dah terkeluar topik. papepun, mimpi terakhir yang aku ingat ialah mimpi ada histeria dekat sekolah, masa aku nak turun tangga apparently sorg junior RK form1 ni was walking beside me, and tetiba dia histeria. tah macamana, aku rasa aku terus terjelepok jatuh time tu, dengar apa jadi, tapi tak bukak mata. macam tidurla. fuish baru nak feeling seram, dah kena kejut pergi sekolah --"


Your dream car?
NO IDEA. i cant even tell which is which, you expect me to have a dream car? orang kasi aku sebijik Avanza dan cakap itu Nazaria pun aku boleh percaya tau tak. dah dah penjual kereta di luar sana, lupakan hajat nak tipu aku now that you know. i di bawah umur ok, daa~ *sambil tunjuk tangan 'talk-to-the-hand'


Your shoes?
i definitely favor wedges. for an obvious reason, my adorable height lah. kalau tak pakai mahu self-esteem aku serendah aku berdiri bare-foot. kalau setakat nak berjalan dalam shopping mall naik kereta sebagai lokomosi, memang wedgeslah menjadi pilihan. tapi kalau nak berjalan merata dengan rakan-rakan, i prefer flat although i will stand out among the others, ironically due to which level my head is. di sikunya kah? di lututnya kah?

i can never wear high heels. i'm not that confident, and the heels can never support me well. mak aku selalu cakap, belajar jela pakai. takkan sampai besar nak pergi kerja, kenduri kendara berbaju tradisional pun pakai kasut tapak sebesar bontot kapal kot. aku tak pandai jalan dengan high heels. nak jugak jalan macam jantan. yang peliknya, kalau tak pakai heels elok pulak aku menyusun langkah dengan ayu.

dan aku pernah patahkan heels. ketika satu majlis rasmi yang dihadiri oleh ramai kenalan. tut tut, tak boleh detail sangat, nanti kantoi ok. sape tau, taulah. lagi sepuluh tahun baru aku berani dedahkan, sekarang masih trauma.


Your fears?
as a Muslim an appropriate answer is Allah. but truthfully, i'm not that religious, saint although i want to be. full of regrets and immaturity, i hereby admit that my worst fear is to lose my loved ones. but that indirectly contributes to the level of my fear to Allah, because for some reasons i often think if i am a bad girl, Allah will take back what i need from me :(


What do you want to be in 10 years?
well i want to have someone who i know i can marry, for sure. what? hey before you say any word let me lay out the plan here. three years at least to get to know them very close (but not as an item), one year to think about settling down, and two years for the whole engagement or wedding things. systematic eh?

besides my impatience to get married, i certainly want a career i so dearly aspire. i want to do what i like, and i want to get lots and lots of money from doing it, i want to be stable, own a house, own a car, i want to be a sensible 26-year-old.


Who did you hang out with last weekend?
bukanlah betul2 hang out, tapi aku nak kira jugak. Nawa, Wani, Haz, Melah, Ijati, Syihan, Bat, Hafizah, Masyitah, Faten, Kembar, Farabi, Adam, Budin, Omar and Iman. most of the former members of 3C1 :'). at Nawa's, who kindly held a feast. we ate a lot, laughed a lot, and confessed a lot. ah how we were like all grown-ups talking about stupid childhood crush. and not to forget, cry a lot. miss those times :')


What are you not good at?
holding my temper. keeping this mouth shut. be accepting. be active. waking up early. monitoring my diet. controlling emotions. listening to babbling/advices. and on top of the list, i'm not good at being good. haih.


One of your wish list items?
To live happily. most of the times, if at all. second, to be good, to God especially. third, to have things my way, to be the heroine who finds the happy ending in the end.


Where you grew up?
16 years and more to come in Lembah Keramat, my hometown where the houses are ancient, and burglary is totally 'in' right now. although Lembah Keramat seperti jauh langit dengan bumi jika dibandingkan dengan Bukit Antarabangsa, Ukay Perdana, Melawati, sebab Lembah Keramat lagi tua drpd mereka, wlaupun rumah dekat Lembah Keramat lama2 dan kedai2nya pun tak segempak dekat tempat lain, i think i can never love other places as much as i love Lembah. bila pergi kawasan lain, aku selalu compare dengan Lembah. aku rasa takde suburb yang okay, selain Lembah. ada area tu, jalan besar dah ceroboh, habis lori sini sana. ada area tu, dalam sangat, kalau nak keluar pergi supermarket punyalah jauh. ada area tu, tak nampak pun mana kedai mana sekolah mana bus stop. tak macam Lembah Keramat ni haaa.


Last thing you did?
today? em. texting people? there are times when i text too much that the prepaid is not per month anymore, but per week. sometimes twice per week. but when i'm the last person in anyone's mind to contact, my credit is safe and sound for months without any disturbance, until it becomes pretty depressing i tell ya.


What are you wearing?
baju kaftan berbunga ros kaler hijau dan bercorak abstrak kaler kuning. tolong jangan bayangkan.


What aren’t you wearing?
seluar. . .? soalan perangkap ke apa ni.


Your pet?
ARWAH Furby T__T. rest in peace my friend. was found hard as rock by my mom, who told me the news as i was fetched at grade school kot. buried beside human's graveyard in AU4, where later i found out what's left of her must have been tortured as it apparently is the parking spot for lorries. the tyre tread was obvious on the sunken ground, where Furby was left to decay.

tahun 2003, pada suatu petang, aku tengah mencebik merajuk. tiba2 Uda si pencinta alam balik, sengih2 suruh aku datang kat dia. aku yang malas nak layan sapa2 masa tu memang tak pedulikan Uda. sampailah orang lain pergi kat Uda, pastu mula riuh. aku pun menghampiri kotak yang uda pegang, terkejut melihat seekor anak kucing gemok comel telinga kecik kecut pendek gebu mcm ulat bulu dalam kotak tu, resah gelisah. aku suka, akhirnya aku ada kucing.

during her best days, Furby was a beautiful female. she was half-Siamese, body covered with thick fur. yellowish brown or somthing like that, Furby has slim legs exposed to male cats craving for companions. kalau tengok die berjalan, you would think of a curvy woman arranging sexy steps with her clean-shaved legs wearing red stilettos. sebab tu lah Furby banyak kali dibuntingkan, banyak kali terpaksa melalui detik melahirkan yang menyakitkan, sampai bulunya habis gugur, hampir botak si jelitawan itu.

lama2 kecantikan Furby semakin hilang, bulu semakin nipis, semakin tak terurus. Furby pun ade macam2 penyakit. last2 kena kasi dia, beranak dah banyak sangat. kalau manusia pun dah lama kena ikat fallopian tube. hari2 terakhir Furby sangat menyedihkan. bila dia dah takda, sampai sekarang aku boleh berair mata rasa berdosa sangat dulu tak jaga betul2, camnalah aku nak jawab dalam kubur nanti. sorry sangat Furby ;(


Your life?
currently totally at the bottom, lowest level since the dark era in MJSC.


Missing?
friends who migrated to boarding schools. really am. more so because the only thing which accompanies me here is loneliness. and i miss the whole image of KRK, especially our beloved 3C1. what else? i miss all the good things, hmm.


Your car?
tiada lagi buat masa ini. although when i was little i did have a red car, which i could fit in, made for that purpose, with steering and everything. tekan je penekan kat tempat kaki tu, and the car would move. ahh how i was so fond of it, before my big boy cousin crashed it, tragic.


Your kitchen?
another childhood recalling, i had my own kitchen! small long table, with stove, SEGALA! blender, dapur kecik bawah dia ada oven, ada periuk nasi yang berbunyi bila dah cukup masa, ada pembakar roti dengan roti plastik terlompat keluar, ada pisau, ada cutting board, ada mixing bowl, ada botol lada, ada sos, ada bayam, tomato, ada ayam, ikan, ada cawan, ada meja, ada troli, SEMUA ADA! gosh miss them so muchh! setiap petang i used to 'cook', and my mom never failed to entertain me. only now i fail to 'entertain' her in the real deal, sorry ma. dulu cucu nenek sebelah, Abang Haikal, Kakak Adik, Abang Firdaus, Jebok semua lah mesti datang rumah main dengan aku. sekarang jumpa pun mcm tak kenal. nanti bila babah balik mesti aku dah sediakan mi play-dough atas pinggan kecik dengan sayur plastik :')


Last time you laughed?
i laughed everyday despite my emotional roller coaster ride.


Last time you cried?
yesterday. hearing sad songs like i usually do. but to be specific in this case, romantic sad songs. hehe, and i could relate, thats why i cried. not for nothing. sape paham, pahamlah anda.


Love?
susah untuk cakapkan, pasal apa, macamana, dengan sapa, untuk apa, oleh apa, the only way to know is to feel it.



SAYA TAG SESAPA YG TERASA NAK BUAT. boleh?
KORANG. ANDA. KAMU. KAU. AWAK. KALIAN. BUAT!

Putus, tapi tak kena potong. camnaaa tu?

menyedihkan tak, fakta tepat lagi benar yang hampir setiap hari aku pulang dari sekolah, aku terus menuju ke arah fon mengharapkan adanya sekelumit khabar dari rakan-rakan di perantauan?

seriously aku rasa macam putus cinta. itu baru kawan, dah rasa macam kena cerai.
eh. ke aku memang putus cinta?

haaa itu biarlah rahsia.

it is an awful maze, before reaching the golden goblet.

sometimes i've got to admit, that most of times, i dont feel like being lucky.

i'm lucky alright. but not as lucky as you might think. my friends are way luckier than i am at some points that they cant comprehend. i dont live in a 'normal' environment, and i've to stand it for the next two years. you cant see how i was born unlucky, its not something that is tainted on my old shirt or damaged physically.

people who live in a 'healthy' environment, perfectly happy than other people are, get to have a place in somewhere else, even better with promising future. while me? even if i have the chance, i'm not in any condition to break away. not yet.

i sit here alone in the corner of the room under the shadow.
pondering my future that seems very hollow.

my theme song can never be Ever Ever After.

tapi tersepit di celah-celah lagu emo seperti Stand By Me, Bittersweet dan Good Riddance, ade pulak lagu melayu satu ni buat api tersembunyi dalam diri aku menjulang tinggi. oh yeahhh.

Juara-Generasi Hebat.

"Jika terlalu mudah, tiada ertinya"

i do feel that life is unfair, at least for now. but i believe if all of this happens for a reason, and not just a fun activity torturing me while other people gloriously emerged form their victory, i will be rewarded.

if they have it easy, elite school offer, glamorous life, well-functioned family, then the word true success wont have that much impact on them, like they'll do on me. even greater on so many others that share my fate, but in much worse state than i can imagine.

jika terlalu mudah, tiada ertinya. memang pun.

i've been putting up with everything, and despite my piles of complaints, i ought to have the best, too. and it is freaking mean if i dont get what i want. freaking, effing mean. i might be misunderstood for this statement, but i know how life is supposed to be a wheel, upside and downside constantly changing. well in some aspects, i've always been on top of it, but looking at the bigger picture, negative.

and now to apply this whole crap in my school life, i'm even more ready than ever to set a change. aku rasa dah takde apa untuk aku kat sini, kecuali belajar. dah takde masa-masa untuk aku terdistracted dengan kawan-kawan, takde dah peluang untuk aku bersembang dalam-dalam lagi. no more serious boy talks, no more goofing around. hidup dah kosong, tapi aku akan penuhkan jugak dengan belajar belajar belajar, harap-haraplah.

macam satu quote dalam Chemist Lab, 'well done is better than well said'.
so, i will reach the point, InsyaAllah. the fire inside me, how it is roaring loudly, how i get moist eyes thinking about it deeply, is beyond the horizon. how i'm disappointed with life, how i plan to rule it my own way, how i remain shut up all day, i cant word any of them. i'm gonna prove it, with God's will. the worse my heart is broken, the better my spirit is.

so bring it on, lets start the show babeh.

Kisah Abang2ku Yang Bestari.

aku nak bercerita pasal abang-abang aku, school life diorang.


Along.

lower form die dekat SMKLK, bak kata Along, kalau aku belek school magazine zaman dulu, sure muka die sebagai champion bola sepak terpampang dalam tu. Along bukan calang-calang orangnye. walaupun sekarang beliau membela lemak, tapi dulu beliau amatlah seorang hero ye.

Upper Form, Yayasan Mara. bukan MRSM, tapi under Mara jugak. mak aku kata tempat tu untuk budak2 tak layak masuk MRSM, haha kejam. masuk sane lagila bertambah gangster. die ade jawatan, tapi diela kaki smoke, fly and sewaktu dengannya. tapi cikgu2 semua suka die. kalau ade budak buat hal, dielah ketua meragging budak tersebut, kedebush kedebush. siap bela beberapa helai rambut panjang lagi tanda die yg berkuasa. dahlah keding, ade pulak rambut panjang sikit terjurai sampai dagu, eee.

kemudian, die fly ke US. personal trust fund. walaupun die pergi dengan duit babah sendiri, die memang hebatlah dekat sana. sebab die bukan under tajaan, die tak dengan budak2 lain. Along kena berdikari dekat situ, duduk sendiri, sampailah die ade kawan melayu. pulang dengan dua ijazah, sebab dua course kot. dan juga seorang makwe yang sekarang merupakan kakak ipar aku, beranak tiga dah. The End.


Angah.

Angah form 4 MRSM Kuantan. Angah bukan jenis nakal mcm Along. Angah LDP kot dulu, menjalankan tugas dengan amanah dan dedikasi. ingat lagi die cerita die kena jaga blog perempuan malam2 time musim histeria. tapi takde pape. bila die nak balik aspura, mulalah benda tu mengacau, terjerit2 si mangsa dekat aspuri. cool gila.

walaupun innocent, Angah berani kasi coklat dekat seorang BKP/BWP ni, iaitu Kak Ija, kakak ipar aku. orang lain hantar coklat, dia kasi kawan2 die, tapi bila Angah hantar, ceria je Kak Ija makan. Angah berkenan dekat Kak Ija since tengok Kak Ija time manifesto, dengan garangnya, tegasnya, terus Angah jatuh hati. alala comelnya. sekarang dah anak dua ;)

dulu Kak Ija selalu balik rumah aku mase cuti, sebab Kak Ija orang Sarawak. aku lahir2 je, tengok die dah ade kat rumah tu. sedara mara pandang slack sebab Kak Ija tumpang rumah kitorg setiap masa, tapi mama aku taula jaga anak die. after SPM, Kak Ija pergi UK. angah pulak menyusul ke US. last2 diorang pun kawen dekat UK. kate Angah, tak tahan dah rase sayang die, die takut melepas. hahaha, gatal. tp dah sah, so okay la tu kan? The End.


Uda.

Uda mungkin paling pandai dalam family, memang pun kot. form 1 dah masuk Sains SHAH Pekan, Pahang. sebelum pergi die bulat, lepas dua bulan kat sane, kurus terus. mama sedih, tengok seluar die semua terlondeh, kena jahit baru. babah selalu belikan banyak KFC untuk kawan2 die sekali. aku paling ingat cerita yang babah ngan mama datang diam2, lepastu tengok die main bola dengan kawan2 die. lepas habis game, teruja die tengok mama babah surprise datang bawak KFC banyak2. haih, kalaulah keadaan kita sama Uda oi.

walaupun mama salu kata dlm family akulah paling sama dengan Uda, tapi sebenarnya tak gila. Uda favourite student, kesayangan cikgu2, rakan2, dan pelajar perempuan. pengawas, player bola sepak, segalalah. all rounded, sapa tak jeles? SPM die second best student kat sekolah kot, and top 10 Pahang, dapatlah die hadiah drpd MB. untuk apply abroad, cikgu2 siap buat surat lagi recommend die, aku pernah tengok. siap ade ayat mcm "one of the best i've encountered", "exceptionally brilliant", "well-liked, well-mannered", segala yg baik belaka. sebab tu jugak, sebelum SPM result keluar, die dah fly ke US. dekat sane die masuk ragbi, and die pernah patahkan hidung kawan die (beyond repair). jari die pulak bengkok, haih tula Uda aku.

die amat sukakan binatang, so die nak jadi zoologist atau vet. tapi cikgu die semua suruh die jadi doktor, diorang percaya die boleh buat. die taknak. last2 die jadi engineer sebab terikat dengan hutang die dekat TNB, terpaksalah kerja dekat hulu Malaysia, jaga dam. The End.


Ateh.

abang 'kesayangan'yang selalu disebutkan. die ni lain dari yang lain. die SMKSK, tapi sebab masalah disiplin yang dasyat, sebelum dibuang, mama aku awal2 dah tukar die masuk private school Sri Inai. lagilah elok dok situ, memang semua budak kepala macam die. tak belajar, tak ape. semua spoil, semua brat, semua nak jadi artis.

die sangat kesahlah pasal study, die tau nak pergi lawat Along Angah Uda dekat US, bolehlah die bergaya ala-ala 50 Cent kat sana. tapi dua bulan sebelum SPM, die terus belajar betul2. baru panggil tutor, baru buat homework, baru masuk kelas. kalau tak sebelum tu, haremmm. dua bulan usaha die, die jadi best male student untuk SPM dekat Sri Inai, dapat result bagus sampai mama babah semua tak percaya.

tapi kalau dah namanya Ateh, otak bijak pun, tak ke mana. die bukannya nak sambung abroad, die sambung dekat sini pun last2 die berhenti. baguslah tu, bagus.


Adik.

iaitu aku. aku, entah. 6 bulan di MRSM. the rest of my high school years dekat sini, SMKLK. aku taktaulah ape nak jadi dengan aku. aku risau. sejak kecik aku dah disogokkan dengan cerita asrama, tapi aku masuk jap, lepastu keluar jugak. aku stay dekat Lembah ni, ade ke peluang untuk aku sambung belajar dekat US? macam abang2 aku tiga orang tu? dapat ke aku merasa main salji, merasa buat Europe trip macam diorang, menjelajah seluruh pelosok dunia?

zaman sekarang bukan mcm zaman abang2 aku. sekarang budak pandai banyak gila. setakat aku ni, tenggelam jelah, tak menonjol. apetah lagi aku sekolah harian, lagilah. aku bukan underestimate SMKLK, tapi aku risau. ade ke orang nak offer aku terbang? at least kalau MRSM SBP, result tak cemerlang pun dapat fly, dah konfem. bukan je fly yang aku risaukan, aku jugak risau U mana aku dapat masuk nanti. aku taknak setakat cukup makan je. dahlah kerajaan ni bias, MARA takyah cakaplah, nak panggil untuk U bagus2 tapis budak asrama dulu, huh.

memanglah baru form 4. tapi masa depan kena rancang. aku nak jadi macam Uda. the thing is, dapat ke aku jadi macam Uda kalau aku duduk dekat sini? harapannya tipis, tipis sangat.

tengoklah, kalau dah takdir. ade orang yang mungkin tak terbayang die dapat asrama, tapi die dapat. mungkin langkah tu dapat bawak die fly. tapi aku? Allah je yang tau.

aku harap sangat jalan ni yang terbaik untuk aku, Amin.

MRSM, the second chance doesnt work eh?

I didnt get MRSM. phewh. wont have to worry about going or not, Alhamdulillah. again, the path is laid clearly before me, cuma path tersebut nampak agak kaburlah dan boleh buat aku mati kutu. apa taknya, Hazirah is offered to MRSM Alor Gajah, her life's long dream.

i dont feel sad (yet). guess because i've always known she's gonna leave, and that i've had enough of fretting a few days back during budak SBP's last days. malah aku boleh lagi encourage dia, how good a friend i am, even though i'm gonna be left alone, ngahaha.

still i feel sorry to the power of one million for friends who haven't got their way this time. it makes me feel so bloody bad, like its all my fault, because i've been wanting a few of them to stay here with me. but now how good would that be? when they're staying but they're feeling down? sorry girls, i realize how much i need to see you happy, that i'm willing to give you all up to MARA. but maybe the time isnt right just yet, sabar, 2nd and 3rd intake kan ade lagi?

and speaking of which, i did hit the rayuan button though. heh heh. out of nothing, sebab siap ade nota untuk rayuan, macam best je pulak. aku pun membebel how i got 8 As for trial and throughout the year, how i won the first place in essay writing competition reprsenting my school, how i represented my school again for Mighty Minds, dan 5 kali aku ambik peperiksaan New South Wales University, two years in a row, siap dapat Credit semua aku bantai je. haha

i told my mom. afraid that she might lose hope on me, i said "ma, dont judge me by tawaran asrama tau". first, untuk rase kurang loser depan mak sendiri, loser depan seluruh sekolah takpe, loser depan mak, no. second, tetiba aku speaking sikit dengan mama, sebab bila bercakap pasal benda mcmni, menggunakan BM adalah sangat jiwang.

memang aku rase loser sikitlah. habislah sekarang aku akan dijadikan teladan oleh cikgu koko "si Amalina tu, tak guna pun apa result periksa dia, tapi kalau dah markah koko hampeh, jangan harap kamu nak ke asrama, hah jadilah macam die tu, duduk sini sampai form 5". ye lah cikgu. tapi cikgu, saya pun masuk koko apa. form 3, lagi mcm2 saya masuk, ade jawatan lagi okay.

sekarang masa depan dah terang. bukan cerah as in berjaya, tapi terang, tak perlu bersuluh lagi.