Enough

I imagined telling someone about my life and the people in it. I talked about my friends and their lives. Then I talked about one friend. And I started crying. And I was still crying. And I am still crying. And I don't know why. I didn't know why, so I told this friend of mine, for real, not in my imagination, of this sudden weird emotional episode. She said:

"Sebab ama dah berjaya go through it."

That made me cry harder. It was raining outside and I was sitting in a corner (because I was charging my phone lol), but just imagine the dramatic scene. oh ama.

I don't know what I've gone through, surely to cry like this and to hear that make me feel like it's all an overstatement - of whatever it is I've gone through.

But I do know something. That now, I feel enough. This life is enough. These people are enough. It's enough. Now, just enough is already too overwhelming, and that's a good thing.

Is it bad that I want nothing more? I need nobody else? I know I don't know what will happen between me and the people I love, but I don't have to let other people in just for that sake, do I?

It's just me, to not want to talk about my life. It's just me, to not want to tell even the people I love about my life. So nobody has to come to me and ask me for my life story, right? I'm comfortable this way. This is what I choose. Because I like it. And I like the people that are already in my life. Inner life. I know berkawan biar seribu, but honestly, I'd rather have those that I know I'll always have now, insyaallah. Instead of making new ones and ending up losing some. It's not many, but enough for me.

I never want to be too close too quickly to anybody. I'm not this way because I'm lonely or I have nobody or I need somebody or something like that. No, I'm fine just the way I am, thank you.

I'm still not sure what made me cry, whether it was sadness, happiness, gratitude, love, or all of the above.

But now, I think I have an idea why.

demmit, hormones.