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19.9.2013
What i have learned is if you were once with somebody and it went wrong, you would want somebody new to find the right one. and then if you once felt something serious but it disappeared, you would want something new just to fool around.
once you have moved on from that one guy, you start noticing other guys. probably more than you should.
27.9.2013
Don't love people because of what they do for you and how the make you feel. love people for who they are and what you feel because of them. love their existence, not their action. maybe that's irrational, but maybe that's real.
11.11.2013
They say you're never gonna forget your first love. i know no first love, but i can say that's bullshit. i say, you will never forget your first heartbreak. it doesn't mean you can't move on from the person, it only means you can't let go of the reason. the feeling has long gone, but you still feel the heartache.
regardless of what i feel, i'm not gonna be the reason someone is hurt the way i was, i'm not gonna indulge in this guilty pleasure at the expense of somebody else's pain. yes i won't mind, i want fun, i won't cross the line. this is nothing, only two acquaintances connecting but the uncertainty of something with no label outbalances the treaty of what is official.
for the first time i don't care, because i know it won't hurt me. but this devil may care attitude might hurt somebody. just because my free heart doesn't have any feeling that doesn't mean i'm heartless to the point of hurting someone else's.
6.12.2013
Have you ever met someone whom when you get to know them better you realize it is more dangerous than you thought it was? for the reason that two of you are more alike than anyone else you have encountered? in opinions and experiences which make you think you have been on your own all these years?
1.2.2014
I don't take guys seriously. except under certain circumstances.
27.2.2014
Now i'm not rushing to find the one. i just want to meet new people and get to know them, and if i find him in the process, that makes life easier doesn't it?
7.3.2014
My friend said i need a man, not a guy. it's not that i need it but it's that mere guys don't deserve me. i need a guy who knows what to do with me.
my mom said as long as he's a good guy like babah, it's enough. enough? to get a guy that good enough is already too much!
13.3.2014
When you love someone you see something in them that others don't. ironically, it's why love is blind.
13.3.2014
Two things have changed.
1. I'm no longer a damsel in distress. i'm many years way passed that phase.
2. I don't want to complete anybody or clean up after somebody else's mess.
13.3.2014
Even if i found the perfect guy. he won't be perfect for me. because i'm not perfect. i don't want someone who's perfect to me. i need someone who's perfect for me.
a guy said, "i love her even when she's not that great, not that pretty." did you really have to say that? the fact that you said that alone shows that you care about it but for some ~divine~ reasons you still like that person? oh i don't know, maybe she's the only person left or the only one who ever pays attention to you, even if it's out of sympathy?
excuse me. saying you like someone but you don't know why despite them not being so great or pretty, that's idiotic love. that's not blind love. that's idiotic.
i'm not saying you should only look for someone great or pretty for your love to ever be considered valid. i'm saying that's selfish love. what i meant is you should see in someone something great or pretty about them that other people might not notice or bother that it exists. that's what you should love. even if the whole world don't bother.
if you're gonna say "oh i don't know what i love about you but i do." man, that's not romantic at all. that's idiotic. of course you have to love something about her. of course there's something to love. and yet, you don't know that and you say you love this person? pfft.
i'll tell these people to find someone they can say "you're great and pretty and i love you" to and leave the rest of us the heck alone.
it's better to see somebody as beautiful because you love them, than to love somebody because you think they are beautiful.
27.3.2014
I'd rather want a bad boy who is bold and loyal than a nice guy who is a coward or a player.
13.4.2014
Just because it's the perfect love story or the perfect friendship doesn't mean it's yours to keep.
13.4.2014
I don't look for someone because i want to get married. i want to get married because i've found the one.
i'm not that type of person. i will get married only for love. but i know love alone isn't enough to keep a marriage last. sparks will disappear. flames will extinguish. feelings fade away. emotions are only a ride, not the whole journey. of course it's going to take a lot more than just love.
i want a good guy. but i don't want a nice guy. for some reasons. besides, don't you know nice guys finish last? and honestly, i don't want to wait.
14.4.2014
If you wanna go to my wali you have to get through me.
15.4.2014
I think among other challenges being married to me is don't change me to be what i don't want to be.
if you have other criteria for a wife and i don't fit in your cup of expectation, please look for somebody else who is better to you, for you. for there are many women out there who are better than me. that, is if you plan on shaping me into your mold. if i'm just fine the way i am to you and i just need to improve on being a better me, because we all have to at some point, then that's not a problem.
i can be a rebel. note that.
19.5.2014
I'm not a hopeless romantic. I'm a romantic realist.
20.5.2014
I don't want a guy who can't live without me. i don't want to be wanted just because i'm why he lives, i'm what keeps him alive. i don't want to be wanted just because i am the reason. because i'm not that person. i don't want someone i can't live without. i want someone i want to live with.
love shouldn't be treated like oxygen. air keeps us alive. we want air to keep living. we need it. i don't want to be wanted just because i'm needed nor do i need a guy to want him. i want to be wanted for me. not needed for anybody. i want to want a guy because i want him. i could have had anyone else, i could have chosen freedom, but no, i want him. not because i need him.
if you could live without air, if you don't need it, would you still want it?
although air holds a vital value in our lives, i don't want to be air. unless, in that alternate universe, somebody let go the liberty of living without limit, to breath in me. of all the choices of skies and spaces, he chooses the earth, because that's where i am. all around him. inside him. he doesn't need me. but he wants me.
that's what i want. not what i need.
26.5.2014
No, not not good enough for somebody. but not good for somebody.
if we're talking about looking for someone who's good enough, it will never end. there will always be someone better and better and better and you'll never settle with the best person because it doesn't exist.
that's why i want someone who's good for me. he might not be good enough to some, heck he might not be good at all to them. who cares? he's not the best or better than everybody else, it's not the matter of him being good enough for me or i him, it's about us being good for each other,
so yeah. i might end up with a sk8rboi or that guy with rugged style or that hunk behind glasses or that dude in a band or that average joe or anyone at all, and if i like him, i like him. he doesn't have to be that good a guy. just good for me.
and i believe that's good enough.
29.5.2014
i should have met somebody by now since i plan to get married no later than 25 and i must know that dude for at least 7 years before we do.
i thought of this when i was, idk, in primary school? so let's not question if it's valid ok. but there's certainly some logic to it. a part of the logic was, if you can't be my friend for 7 years, how can you be my husband for a lifetime? that's why we need to test for our compatibility and chemistry first, and contrary to popular belief, i don't believe this is what they call a 'test drive' or worst, when it doesn't work out, 'a used toy.' at least not my idea of doing it. maturity is key.
it's not necessarily courtship, more like a constant friendship. though it really depends on your definition and i couldn't care less what you think of me if you judge me based on my status. but yeah, constant friendship. not just friends where hey i know you and you know me. but constant friends where we're really friends for seven consecutive years. that way we can see if there's chemistry and compatibility without courting each other. fine, kinda like courtship but no, i have a whole different idea in my head. even if it is, i know what i'm doing so please kindly remove your nose out of my business thank you.
but i know life enough to know things don't always go as planned and we don't always get what we want or well, initially wanted.
5.6.2014
Someone whom i share no mutual friends with would be nice.
i don't want some people from my past to be in my future just because i get married to somebody.
like, yall are just gonna find out i'm married when you see me with a kid. ha! not that you'd care if i wouldn't invite you, but i'd care if he would.
17.6.2014
crush. no heartache no heartbreak no hurting. no commitment and consistency and care which is okay. if i'm not gonna get any i might as well not get all!
if you can't give me commitment at least give me consistency and if that is still so hard on your part at least show that you freaking care once in a while! you know why? because it's not gonna be easy to convince me. you can't pop out of nowhere and pop the question. i get nothing from my crush and the most i can get is brief eye contact, which is already more than enough for me and it makes me happy. unattainable people at least have reasons why they are unattainable. like they don't know me. no excuse. like they just don't care. let me live this way. it's not real, but at least i can imagine what if it was real and not hurting myself over the thought of how it should have been possible.
i sound so much like a school girl. and i didn't sound like a school girl when i was a school girl. like i've said i guess we all have our phases. mine is all jumbled up, understanding something too early and learning something too late.
21.6.2014
at twenty, i realize that i'm young and i tell myself that i should be living on the fast lane, grab what i can get, take the chance i want and despite having much time i can't waste it on anything or anybody which and whose value and return won't appreciate, because i have no time to wait.
15.7.2014
casual. not committed and consistent. not focused. but free and flexible.
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