Serioushit Questions #1: I Love You Too? I Don't Love You?

i have been wanting to do this for a while. to answer some serious questions that make you think about some serious things. this shit is serious i tell ya.

but we'll start with a rather, um, less seriously-shit question. but one which is um, the right question to answer at the moment. i did this a few days ago btw, yeah i can even procrastinate when it comes to clicking the button 'publish'.

• What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

tough question. tough situation. fearing a tough answer in return. answer given by me, or them, which one is feared the most, is the question.

if i were to tell them that i love them, it would be hard because i'm not really open with my feelings. i'm shy, actually, behind this hahaha fooling around upfront. i don't really share things with just anyone, let alone say those three words to someone.

the more you love, the more you get hurt. it would be hard because i am afraid of getting hurt. if loving someone is like giving your heart to them and trusting them not to unconsciously let it fall and crash to the ground, then letting the person know is like giving them the permission, the right, the power to hold your heart and crush it in their own palm, knowingly, which is worse.

and i am afraid of getting embarrassed. but i don't know which one is worse; rejection or embarrassment  i hope i won't have to know.

but i can imagine the relief of finally letting it all out, the unspoken feelings since God knows when. it's torturing to keep it all alone and to not know if the other person feels it too. it really is. forever wondering if they knew... if they feel it too. the downside is if they don't, hence begin the awkward moment. if you're lucky then it will not last long, you can pretend it never happened, but it did happen and nothing can change history, nothing can erase the memory.

you're gonna be remembered as the one who tangoed alone.

if i were to tell them that i don't love them, it would be hard because i wouldn't want to hurt them. assuming that they say it first, putting me in a situation where i have to tell them i do not feel the same thing, otherwise never in my right mind i will go around telling people i don't love them lol. i don't want to hurt them, because i know how it hurts.

oh the cycle of unrequited love, or crush, or whatever it is the thing that we all feel but don't know what it is.

it would be hard because i don't know how to say it. heck, it would even be hard for me to say i like that person back, let alone the opposite. even if i really, really, really like the person to the moon and back i will still not say it. that's one of the reasons la why confessing is so not my thing. so yeah you can't really tell what i feel, unless i purposely drop some hints to let you know whether i like you or not. but you'll get confused still.

anywaysss, back to the point. it would be hard because, see, if you're saying "i love/like you," you just say it. there's no other way, no beating around the bush hinting with no end because even if you don't say it, it shows. a girl knows. but a girl wants to be nice too. so it is hard, to say the right thing, to make it clear but at the same time to spare the guy from getting hurt.

if he's a friend, i can talk things out with him. but what if he's not a friend? it's harder. if he's not even serious about his feelings, i can just dismiss the topic. but what if he's serious?

if i were to say i love someone, the first to confess, it's 50/50, it's either a happy ending, even just for that second, or not. but if i were to say i don't love someone, i know it's a 100% confirmed closure. someone won't be happy.

if i were to say i love someone, i am already taking a huge risk, i am already preparing myself for the worst, i should be telling myself it might not end up the way i hope it will, i would put a fluffy cushion or even a mattress on the floor so that when the worst case scenario happens, even though my heart falls to the ground, i have taken safety precautions to not let it break. i should know.

but if i were to say i don't love someone, i don't know how to catch his heart without really, catching it, you know? just to catch for the sole purpose of keeping it intact, not for keeping it. i don't know if he would feel okay afterwards, or how long it will take for him to be okay. of course, who am i to give such an impact? but then even i know, it hurts, even for an unexplained feeling, unknown emotion, even for one night, even for one moment.

i would feel really sorry. i really would. i would even feel sad. but there's nothing i can do about it. if the best treasure in the world is to love and be loved in return, then i would wish to feel the same thing, because the 'be loved' part is already there, i just need to work on the 'to love' part. it's not easy to be loved. but then again, it's not easy to love, now i know.


it's not easy for two people to be in love at the same time. it they do, it's a miracle. but even such a miracle doesn't always stay strong and long in this world.

so yes. i would say it would be harder to tell them i do not love them back. it was.