This is an emo post. i have all the rights in the world to publish an emo post. because this is my freaking blog for the love of god. so before you judgemental people start judging, you better start leaving.
i haven't cried that, and this much, for a long, long time. the first 30 minutes to one hour was a non-stop process, the rest had it pause and play buttons which i clicked whenever i feel like it. kidding. more to whenever i'm reminded about it. i can't control it. one of my principles in life is cry, until you're done crying. and then stop. and cry no more.
at least, not in 24 hours.
thanks to someone on fb who posted a version of Demi Lovato's Skyscrapper by a promising youtube artist, as though recommending "oh, this is a good song for your situation! play it in the background now, it's known to be effective in making one cry their eyes out".
so as recommended, i did.
but that song is a type of song which will make you cry for being hurt, angry, or sad, but will give you the courage and strength to strike back and be a fighter, to rise from the ground like a skyscraper. so while drowning in tears, i fight my way against the tides, poisonous jellyfish and the stingray which killed Steve Irwin.
a few years back, this would be a usual scene. weekly, or daily even. these recent couple of years, not anymore. but it has been known to happen.
sometimes when something feels too good to be true, you begin to wonder when will the bad part start. and sometimes, it starts just right after that. i was just feeling okay the first half of the day. i mean, i received a few awards from my school. they even had a slideshow about me. i wasn't too excited or exhilarated, i was just... normal. i was thankful though. i anticipated meeting my friends more. at first i wanted to make a post with pictures of you guys in it, but i guess, this emo incident can't make that happen.
the weather forecast said it's all gonna be rainbows and sunshine, but the clouds had a mind of their own. they conspired with the thunder and the lightning, because apparently, the sunny season should have its ending. so welcome, dark and gloomy days! it rains heavily my pillows are wet and i am drowning.
have you met someone who has changed you from the very start? you were just a budding shoot, and an inexperience wannabe gardener who thought he had green fingers pushed you and pulled you and pressed you and abused you that you became twisted. you yearned for freedom, you prayed to escape this root, this soil, this vase. one day, a beautiful bee came, and you hopped on its wings. you flew away, breakaway.
but apparently, you couldn't stand the flight. to you it was an adventurous, but an unbearable roller-coster ride. you returned to where you belonged. you missed the root, the soil, the vase, but not the gardener.
have you ever met someone who knows nothing but mere words? who is nothing but useless? yet he thinks he plays the most important role in the world. he talks like you're the one who's foolish, when in reality, he's idiotic. he lives in a small world because he's too cowardice and lazy and uninspired to explore more. when he sees someone who has stepped outside of his cage, he threatens them by saying he knows better, they know nothing, they're stupid. but oh please, you know shit.
have you ever met someone who's so concerned about being pulled into hell by others' sins, when in fact, his sins are enough to buy him a cell for a lifetime? no, more like for eternity? i for one have always restrained myself from talking about other people's sins, because that's between them and Allah. for all i know they are better in ways i can never imagine, and getting a ticket to heaven is as simple as breathing. but you should work on the haram things you do and the wajib things you don't do first, and let me ask people who are more righteous. if someone else talks about it, i might agree and believe it. but coming from you, oh please i know better.
have you ever met someone who has ruined you? but the depression is the reason for you to have an ambition? since you were a little kid? you vow to help others because you do not want other kids, other teens and other adults to feel like you did. and now, he talks like the know-it-all he awarded himself, and try to stop you from becoming what you want? how ironic. to think, he's the reason behind everything.
i was supposed to be very busy today. i have an essay or two to write for scholarships, and the deadline's tomorrow. this monday, i have to give a speech to form 5 students, my juniors. the tips and tricks to study, as i would say. but i have done nothing about everything that matters. thanks to you, i spent this day crying, locking myself in my room, eating a chocolate my friend gave me as birthday present (thanks dude), watching HIMYM and listening to Skyscrapper.
thank you so much.
but you know what? for these tears and tense, Allah will help me through it all.
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