Because Medic Is Too Mainstream

I have been asked countless times if i will go for medic after SPM. when i say "no", their reaction is equivalent to hearing the most ridiculous statement of the century. some of them think they save themselves the trouble of asking by just assuming that i am one of those future doctors.

so when i tell them "no medic for me", and they have passed through the first stage of shock and ask me what do i want to study instead "so engineering, hm? or accounting?" and i tell them this one word "psychology", all hell breaks loose.

they react like i'm going to jump of a cliff. don't worry, me no suicidal-biting-lips-trembling Bella.

so i'm going to tell the world why i'm (proudly) not going for medic! (unless God tells me to)

but before that, i must make some statements and announcements and i suggest you be all ears. or eyes. ehhem.

1. a few days a ago i changed the setting of this blog, edited the HTML and tried webmaster tool, so that Keretapi was invisible on search engines. then, suddenly recent posts and comments widgets were broken. and people who have linked me on their blogs and follow me wouldn't know if my blog was updated because apparently i turned off my feed.

i have turned on my feed and everything's fine again. but i think my blog will still remain updated on followers' dashboard or friends' blogs. if it does on yours, and you think my craps are worth reading, then please remove my link, or unfollow me, and add my link and follow me again. thank you to those who find Keretapi entertaining. or boring. but still wanna check it out anyway for the sake of stalking or whatever it is you people do :)

2. a few days ago i was busy about the interview and scholarships and being me, i have a tendency to do things at the last minute and hyperventilate but still find myself watching tv and on FB, so i tend to update statuses about my current hectic life. some people, i regret to know, find it as 'bragging' and apparently, 'insulting' and 'underestimating' them.

a. i did not think a thing about your existence. i did not mention a bit about you. how can you feel insulted or underestimated?

b. i have checked my status updates, and yes, nothing even offensive to begin with. why, i am sorry if my life is so offensive.

c. i wonder until when la i have to put up with all this? i have to be blamed? to be judged? to be talked and thought badly about?

d. i am sorry if anything i say, you understand it the other way. you, understand it the other way. but i'm apologizing anyway.

e. if you can't even be my friend in real life, i don't see a point of us being friends on FB. i sincerely thought we were friends, before this-thing-i-don't-even-understand began.

f. btw, i don't even know you. i know about you and you and you. but i never really know is it you, or the other you, or you.

g. again, sorry. but i didn't do anything wrong. i just have to be strong. this is not the first time anyway. wouldn't you say?

so, that's about it. life is sad and i know it~

now

"KENAPA TAKNAK MEDIC AIYOYO"

1. Phobia or trauma or something

once upon a time, when i was a little girl, pre-kindergarten era, i had this thing for human anatomy. aku bukak paper kesihatan, tatap gambar pembedahan dan penyakit yang sekarang aku rasa menggelikan. aku bukak tv, mulut ternganga, mata tak berkelip tengok benda yang sekarang buat mata tertutup mulut rasa pahit.

mesti orang yang tengok aku usap air mata terharu "bakal doktor ni"

then one day, when i was flipping the newspaper health section like any other day, i saw something, and i came running to my mother who was in the kitchen, crying all tears and snots.

i think i saw...

coins. 

they looked like coins. or because they were. i did not know what the hell did i saw, but i think it was the caption that got me. the caption was so sad... or something. weh sirius aku taktau. but this story is true.

mungkin pasal orang sakit perlukan duit. mungkin pasal orang tertelan duit. taktau. yang aku tau, aku rasa haritu apa aku tengok atau baca, sangat menyedihkan. sampai aku taknak bukak paper kesihatan dah. lama-lama, aku dah tak boleh tengok benda tu semua. 

aku tak boleh tengok benda yang tak normal dengan badan manusia. bukan tak hormat atau tak kesian dekat orang yang kaki kudung berkudis sebab diabetes (just typing this buat lidah kelat), kulit bertompok bernanah (dear god), organ terkeluar ke apa ke (have mercy on me), tapi aku memang tak boleh tengok. sesaat photo reception kat otak interpret benda tu, sekelip mata aku reflex buat pape patut- baling paper ke, tutup tv ke, jerit ke.

time bio, cikgu pernah bukak video pasal penagih dadah and pesakit STD. orang lain rilek, aku menggelabah benam kepala dalam lutut. geli tau tak geli? jangan paksa aku, kang ada yang bersepai isi perut. cikgu pun naik pelik tengok, "camne nak jadi doktor ni?"

"memang taknak laa cikgu!"

tapi peliknya, masa bedah katak rilek je aku picit organ dia, koyak badan dia segala. dah macam saiko serial killer gayanya.

i don't know what my real reaction will be if i ever have to face those things in person. maybe i will be fine dissecting people, but i don't think i can handle abnormal health conditions. setakat jadi doktor bedah orang tapi lari bila apa yang kau tengok tak seperti dijangka, takyahlah.

sebab ni jugak, kepada Rashid Sibir yang suka buat cerita orang sakit bernanah berkudis jenazah berulat bercacing semua aku nak cakap - STOP IT OR I WILL SUE YOU FOR VISUAL ABUSE.

oh dan kepada pemilik website yang aibkan orang dah mati dengan tayang gambar mayat yang keadaan memalukan dan menggelikan - KAU TAK PERNAH TERFIKIR KE YANG MAYAT KAU TAYANG BUAT HIBURAN ORANG MACAM KAU NI ADA KELUARGA, ADA NAMA? KAU NAK TAK MATI MACAM TU PASTU AKU TANGKAP GAMBAR KAU TUNJUK KAT SATU DUNIA? EH TAKYAH SUSAH PAYAH, SEBAB DOSA KAU BUAT MACAM TU PUN AKAN BUAT KEADAAN KAU LAGI TERUK KAT SANA. EFF YOU.

2. Being responsible for lives, as heavy as the world

saving lives, curing illness, making a difference are noble. i have always wanted to help people, so being doctor seems like the right choice right? but what if my patients' conditions worsen, what if they die? i know it's fate. all i can do is help, but He decides. still, everything He decides has a reason to make it happen. what if i'm the reason? what if i screw up?

after a while maybe i'll get used to it. maybe i won't even be bothered by it. "oops, too late. time of death? ok. ah, look, i'm late for my date too". but what if i'll never be okay with people dying everyday in front of me? i know what type of a person i am. deaths affect me. sickness affects me. being unable to do anything to help affects me. it will be so frustrating.

but you know what? that frustrating part, if we do it right, will be deeply rewarding.

3. Not a workaholic type

aku jenis orang yang suka dok diam tak buat pape. aku bukan orang yang ke sini ke sana. tapi nak jadi manusia kan, kenala belajar, kerja jugak. cuma bukan cara doktor. some people find it interesting to have no life, to just work and work and work and go home all tired, and sleep. i find it interesting too, macam cool la cara hidup macam tu. ala-ala Meredith Grey, Christina Yang gitu. tapi aku taknak hidup camtu. aku nak work, go home, watch tv, read, eat, sleep and sleep and sleep. haha dasar pemalas.

study a few years longer more than others? 36 hours on call? all work and no play? doesn't sound like me to me. sure, i don't look like of those extroverts who enjoy going out and do all sorts of stuffs, but i find joy in something(s) else. and i sure want to have more than enough time for my husband and kids if i'm ever going to be married. i don't want to be a workaholic wife and a busy mommy, sure one can always juggle, but i'm not one of those people.

sebenarnya, aku nak jadi suri rumah je. serious. kenapa? rasa surirumah loser? nanti aku up entry pasal kenapa aku nak jadi surirumah k. and actually, jadi surirumah lagi penat daripada kerja lain. tapi aku fikir logikla, kalau takde sape nak kawen ngan aku camne nak jadi surirumah kan? lololol. aku ada cita-cita pun dah cukup bagus dah ni. lolol lagi.

4. Too many future doctors already

this is not really my reason, but it's the recent situation. so i might as well have it mentioned. i don't know why everyone is so obsessed with taking medic and being a doctor. maybe because it's famous. because of the status, the salary. because of the money. i know someone who wanna do medic for all the wrong reasons.

you wanna be a doctor to save lives? because you want to do good deeds in this bad world? SO BE A DOCTOR. but if you want to be one without knowing why or because other people tell you to or it's the trend now so you just go with it - SERIOUSLY? i guess you're smart enough to be a doctor, but please be smart enough to not be shallow too. you won't last long if you don't really do it because you want to do it.

have you heard? there's an oversupply of housemen in Malaysia now. they don't know where to place a whole bunch of medic grads every year. yes, we need more doctors, but specialist doctors. so you've got more work to do to secure a place.

seeing the country's situation and society's perception, i sometimes hope i have interests in something which makes money and earns respect and acknowledgement. but at least i do something different. i know i have my own interests and passion.

5. This is for other reasons i forget to mention. hehe

you know, i actually have it too, what my friend Peqah has - the goosebumps and misty eyes whenever i go to hospitals and feel the serenity, where lives are saved, where doctors work their ass off so patients can wipe their own ass without counting on others. "i want to be here, to be a part of this place". hospitals are so inspiring. maybe i will be in one, but not as a doctor. who knows?

being a doctor has never been my ambition, unlike being a soldier and a businesswoman (after my father, putting aside my actual ability), an astronaut (darjah 3), a lawyer (darjah 5), an astronomer (maybe i'm better off gazing at the moon only), a writer (will be, insyaallah), and a rightly-called-psychologist (if i feel like doing PhD).

well i don't know exactly what my future is, but for now i don't see myself being a doctor.

anyway, this is something i get from a doctor in a forum:

"Criteria of a Malaysian Govt Doctor.

1. No life outside medicine; this includes dating, sports, chores for your parents and visiting the toilet *sigh*

2. Not to live with your parents. Move out ASAP as they will never understand the ludicrous working hours that u go through. Furthermore, chores are not suitable for u as to rule No. 1.

3. Not to be married until completion of all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service as u will be transferred left and right to some of the most remote Govt clinics in Malaysia. Having wife and kids to follow you to your new working area may increase high level of stress on all parties. Furthermore, if your spouse is a Govt Doctor, he/she will also be transferred away from u and no matter what appeal is made, KKM will put up a deaf ear (unless u have big cables).

4. If married, no to have children until u finish all 4 years of Govt Compulsory service, as to which u and your spouse will not have much time for your children or they end up not recognizing u and refer the Indonesian maid as their mother (change in language patterns commonly follow).

5. To obtain life insurance once your govt service begins as there are accidents during work. Don't be fooled, Doctoring in Malaysia is hazardous.

6. Able to withstand 36 hours of non stop work and stress without mistakenly labeling Left for Right or uvula for vulva...wakaka...ada ker dr. bley tertukar uvula ngan vulva??hihi..

7. To buy a car with complete safety features (like I'm doing) which includes multiple airbags, ABS, EBD, side-front-rear-top-parallel and diagonal impact bars and seat belts to ensure survivability if u are involved in an accident because your driving resembled a drunkard maniac after working in the hospital for 40 hrs non stop.

8. Constant supply of coffee----true..so true...ehehe....

9. Nicotine Patch as u will have the urge to start smoking due to overwhelming stress--- hmmmm..???

10. Interest in watching medical sitcoms such as House MD, Scrubs, ER, Grays Anatomy and Chicago Hope to inspire u to continue your life as a doctor as the exciting things u see on TV does not resemble the real life of a Malaysian govt doctor--- haha....

11. Not to have any pets or plants (not even cactuses) as u will have no time to feed or care for them and eventually all will end up in your mortuary---boley dissect ramai2....kui3....

12. Able to endure the stench of your own sweat as to when 36 hours "on call" does not permit u time to bathe or freshen up---- euwww...wut to do...

13. Able to carry on working without food or water over 15 hours. ( I was in OT for 16 hrs without food, water or bathroom breaks). If during fasting month, able to break your fast with water for injection as u had no time to buy food----uhuhu....

14. Able to come to work with fever/cough/illness or physical disability (sprained ankle etc) as to which doctors do not deserve MCs. (My MO was on crutches during rounds)------haiyaaaa.......

15. Able to stand scolding, destructive criticism, kiss ass behaviors, racial bias, finger pointing, scape goating, and in competency from your superiors--- lookin' forward to be criticised!!!(yeah rite!!!)uwaaa!!!

16. Able to withstand the jealousy when your friends call u up for some fun and ur stuck in the

hospital during on call----hampeh....ni mmg tak aci..huhu..

The list goes on. These requirements should be sent out to all doctor wannabes and for them to determine if their life coincides with the Malaysian Medical Health service of doctors under KKM

To those who want to apply for medicine, think carefully before you apply...although these look extreme...but somehow it might be true..however become a doctor is good choice..but be prepare to work hard if u get it... "




so well, like what has been advised above, please think it through. i'm a fan of Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, and House too, and i think woaa so awesome la to have a life like that, but the reality is far from what you see on tv. i love watching these shows and thinking of a life as a doctor, but i know my reality.








do you?


good luck in whatever you want to be or do!