i'm having bloodshot eyes and painful headache and tears running down all over my face and catching up my breath. nope, this isnt another drama of mine since when do i ever tell you here?
ok this is due to Cecelia Ahern's touch in one of her best novels i've just finished reading. on second thought and without a doubt at all, i might say it is the best, kicking P.S I Love You down the hill. yes i'm sure, If You Could See Me Now is the best yet, and definitely one of a kind.
about an imaginary friend, who apparently in the novel does exist, but only visible to people who need their help. Ivan entered Luke's life, unknowingly did so to help Elizabeth, Luke's aunt and his foster mother, and not Luke precisely. Elizabeth saw him, had meaningful chat with him, and fell in love with him, unconscious Ivan wasn't real to other people, but only to his own kind and people who are needy.
and Ivan fell in love with her too, and with that he realized his assignment to help Elizabeth and Luke assisted him in helping himself as well, in ways he could never have imagined.
so everything seems like a modern fairytale, before the pain of them losing each other emerged. and my reason of being so over-dramatized with a story that is so fiction it has got nothing to do with me and never will is simply because i realized despite the difference in Elizabeth's life and mine, we have something in common.
Elizabeth's life was complicated from the day her mother deserted her, to the day her sister who she had raised up herself created so much troubles in her life she even had to leave her job and her love and returned to her hometown to take care of her newly born nephew, to the day her father hated to see her face for she reminded him of his ignorant wife, and life had been hard ever since she was 12. Elizabeth lived her life according to boring routine, never bothered to do silly things for pure happiness as if she was a robot wasnt programmed to have feelings at all.
but one thing, she did have. she had bottled up all of her feelings, troubles, pain and sadness inside she never spilled them up. the bottle was overloaded yet not one word was spoken to anyone. and i really got her, you know. feeling when you know nobody would understand you better than yourself, so why bother to tell?
Elizabeth kept everything to herself and never revealed anything but on one night after she had dealt with so much dramas, she let it out to a stranger named Ivan. after that, Ivan kept coming back especially when she was in much need for someone to listen, and he would always appear when she started thinking of him.
imagine you as Elizabeth, you had lead a dull and painful life and you got nobody to share your burden with, you hardly even speak to yourself about how you are feeling, so talking about it alone is something so strange. then came Ivan, a stranger from nowhere who listened to your every word, and utmost important is he listened to what you aren't saying, more to what you are hiding. you let it all to him, and he knows you better than anyone, he teaches you many small things about life you always missed, and to fill yourself with happiness and change your way of seeing life.
he made everything seems so fine and made you an optimist. he changed you head to toe for the better and you fell in love with this warm stranger who you know nothing about.
and Ivan, he never thought he would feel this kind of love. he thought it was possible for him to stay with Elizabeth for eternity, while he help those who need him, an invisible friend as a company. everytime she shared her secret misery, she gave him hear heart.
until one day Ivan was standing before Elizabeth, but she just looked through him. he started to be invisible to her, and he watched her searching for him in dismay when he was actually standing next to her. it meant their time together would come to an end.
it was much harder for Ivan to accept that he would never be a perfect partner for Elizabeth, when he could see her but she started losing him. it was harder for Ivan to say goodbye first, before Elizabeth couldnt see him completely and thought he betrayed her, before she started wasting her life waiting for him everyday. it was harder for Ivan to watch Elizabeth moved on, while he was still standing with her, and wouldn't ever move on.
one week ago, i had reached the part where everything was perfect. with Elizabeth and Ivan, they didn't act like two lovebirds who whispered sweet nothing all the time, who were holding hands, eyes locked in a romantic way and whose faces were constantly glued to each other. it was because Ivan, who had spent his life befriending children, had his mind more like a kid's himself apart from his ability to think deeply. even they only told each other i love you at the final moment they spoke, when Ivan said his goodbye.
so i really love how subtle they expressed their feeling. then i took a peek at what was coming, when Elizabeth found out that she had been spending time with a great guy who was as innocent as a child could be, but invisible to everyone else. and i cried while i was peeping, so hurt i put the book down and intended not to read it anymore.
i've been so attached with Elizabeth myself, for god's sake a fiction character, who i know so well, almost as if she was my own reflection. i couldnt bear after all her wound had been healed by a perfect man, she was to learn she would and could never see him again. i was given hope that Elizabeth would meet a happy ending with Ivan, and i felt as if it was my ending. i
understood Elizabeth so well, that i felt her happiness of founding her savior would make me happy too, when i was sure i would never found one. i have only lived for fifteen years, but i've learned to accept that in this kind of matter, i would never get what i want. but Elizabeth did, and suddenly her happiness was taken away, and i felt mine was shattered too.
and i've been so fond of Ivan, a soul i would never meet in my whole life. someone that could see right through me, inside and out and would know i'm not okay without having to ask. someone that listens so much even my silence speaks something to him. someone that really can be trusted, who is pure and gentle. someone that would make me believe in impossibilities.
always in movies or books there would be a character so fake saying they can see that someone wasn't alright, and they know how much in despair that someone was know everything from the eyes whatever. and i kept thinking, so rubbish all those things, it would never happen in real world, never to me at least. but when Ivan does it without saying those corny lines, i saw hopes. Ivan is a fiction character, but when you stop hoping, even a fiction like him would change your world, you know. so after i learned the ending, i cried and didnt want to feel anymore hurt that Elizabeth felt.
but today i picked the book up, and picked up where i had left. when i was getting closer to the end i already knew, it was even harder to keep on reading. i thought even a fiction character who shares some of my fate could have the happy ending with the way she wanted.
i am real, not fiction, and what does my ending say? i am sure even at the middle of my story, there wont be anyone who was fiction enough, as unreal as Ivan was, who could say to me they can see what i'm hiding, they know i'm in need, and that their presence wont bother me to tell them everything, and open up to let them help me. i want an Ivan, imaginary friend or whatever, if i cant have a real living person, i'm better off imagining things. how i wish i were that lunatic.
please do not misunderstand that i went through all these emotions because i'm a teenage girl constantly being dumped by stupid boys and saying oh i know how they are feeling cos i have lost my life, stupidly saying that even when i can barely feed on my own. please, your words are heading the wrong direction. i didnt cry because i THINK i know the feeling so great for i have been dating many boys and when they leave i would cry my heart out like they are so precious. i'm not that kinda person you know. please, if one thing i have got left in me, it is pride. and pride guides me through life, if it doesnt i will be very much the same with some people out there.
i admit i'm weird and i like it. i'm weird for crying for something i am almost positive i would never experience myself. i cry for happy endings and perfect storyline of fiction characters, especially when i'm familiar with somethings in their life. i'm crying for the worst, and even for the best. so content looking at characters whose life have been difficult, but yet a happy ending awaits them, the way fiction goes. this book by far, is my favorite. a quick dip into my real life, i may say.
Ivan oh Ivan. i really need you, even if you are a fantasy.
ok this is due to Cecelia Ahern's touch in one of her best novels i've just finished reading. on second thought and without a doubt at all, i might say it is the best, kicking P.S I Love You down the hill. yes i'm sure, If You Could See Me Now is the best yet, and definitely one of a kind.
about an imaginary friend, who apparently in the novel does exist, but only visible to people who need their help. Ivan entered Luke's life, unknowingly did so to help Elizabeth, Luke's aunt and his foster mother, and not Luke precisely. Elizabeth saw him, had meaningful chat with him, and fell in love with him, unconscious Ivan wasn't real to other people, but only to his own kind and people who are needy.
and Ivan fell in love with her too, and with that he realized his assignment to help Elizabeth and Luke assisted him in helping himself as well, in ways he could never have imagined.
so everything seems like a modern fairytale, before the pain of them losing each other emerged. and my reason of being so over-dramatized with a story that is so fiction it has got nothing to do with me and never will is simply because i realized despite the difference in Elizabeth's life and mine, we have something in common.
Elizabeth's life was complicated from the day her mother deserted her, to the day her sister who she had raised up herself created so much troubles in her life she even had to leave her job and her love and returned to her hometown to take care of her newly born nephew, to the day her father hated to see her face for she reminded him of his ignorant wife, and life had been hard ever since she was 12. Elizabeth lived her life according to boring routine, never bothered to do silly things for pure happiness as if she was a robot wasnt programmed to have feelings at all.
but one thing, she did have. she had bottled up all of her feelings, troubles, pain and sadness inside she never spilled them up. the bottle was overloaded yet not one word was spoken to anyone. and i really got her, you know. feeling when you know nobody would understand you better than yourself, so why bother to tell?
Elizabeth kept everything to herself and never revealed anything but on one night after she had dealt with so much dramas, she let it out to a stranger named Ivan. after that, Ivan kept coming back especially when she was in much need for someone to listen, and he would always appear when she started thinking of him.
imagine you as Elizabeth, you had lead a dull and painful life and you got nobody to share your burden with, you hardly even speak to yourself about how you are feeling, so talking about it alone is something so strange. then came Ivan, a stranger from nowhere who listened to your every word, and utmost important is he listened to what you aren't saying, more to what you are hiding. you let it all to him, and he knows you better than anyone, he teaches you many small things about life you always missed, and to fill yourself with happiness and change your way of seeing life.
he made everything seems so fine and made you an optimist. he changed you head to toe for the better and you fell in love with this warm stranger who you know nothing about.
and Ivan, he never thought he would feel this kind of love. he thought it was possible for him to stay with Elizabeth for eternity, while he help those who need him, an invisible friend as a company. everytime she shared her secret misery, she gave him hear heart.
until one day Ivan was standing before Elizabeth, but she just looked through him. he started to be invisible to her, and he watched her searching for him in dismay when he was actually standing next to her. it meant their time together would come to an end.
it was much harder for Ivan to accept that he would never be a perfect partner for Elizabeth, when he could see her but she started losing him. it was harder for Ivan to say goodbye first, before Elizabeth couldnt see him completely and thought he betrayed her, before she started wasting her life waiting for him everyday. it was harder for Ivan to watch Elizabeth moved on, while he was still standing with her, and wouldn't ever move on.
one week ago, i had reached the part where everything was perfect. with Elizabeth and Ivan, they didn't act like two lovebirds who whispered sweet nothing all the time, who were holding hands, eyes locked in a romantic way and whose faces were constantly glued to each other. it was because Ivan, who had spent his life befriending children, had his mind more like a kid's himself apart from his ability to think deeply. even they only told each other i love you at the final moment they spoke, when Ivan said his goodbye.
so i really love how subtle they expressed their feeling. then i took a peek at what was coming, when Elizabeth found out that she had been spending time with a great guy who was as innocent as a child could be, but invisible to everyone else. and i cried while i was peeping, so hurt i put the book down and intended not to read it anymore.
i've been so attached with Elizabeth myself, for god's sake a fiction character, who i know so well, almost as if she was my own reflection. i couldnt bear after all her wound had been healed by a perfect man, she was to learn she would and could never see him again. i was given hope that Elizabeth would meet a happy ending with Ivan, and i felt as if it was my ending. i
understood Elizabeth so well, that i felt her happiness of founding her savior would make me happy too, when i was sure i would never found one. i have only lived for fifteen years, but i've learned to accept that in this kind of matter, i would never get what i want. but Elizabeth did, and suddenly her happiness was taken away, and i felt mine was shattered too.
and i've been so fond of Ivan, a soul i would never meet in my whole life. someone that could see right through me, inside and out and would know i'm not okay without having to ask. someone that listens so much even my silence speaks something to him. someone that really can be trusted, who is pure and gentle. someone that would make me believe in impossibilities.
always in movies or books there would be a character so fake saying they can see that someone wasn't alright, and they know how much in despair that someone was know everything from the eyes whatever. and i kept thinking, so rubbish all those things, it would never happen in real world, never to me at least. but when Ivan does it without saying those corny lines, i saw hopes. Ivan is a fiction character, but when you stop hoping, even a fiction like him would change your world, you know. so after i learned the ending, i cried and didnt want to feel anymore hurt that Elizabeth felt.
but today i picked the book up, and picked up where i had left. when i was getting closer to the end i already knew, it was even harder to keep on reading. i thought even a fiction character who shares some of my fate could have the happy ending with the way she wanted.
i am real, not fiction, and what does my ending say? i am sure even at the middle of my story, there wont be anyone who was fiction enough, as unreal as Ivan was, who could say to me they can see what i'm hiding, they know i'm in need, and that their presence wont bother me to tell them everything, and open up to let them help me. i want an Ivan, imaginary friend or whatever, if i cant have a real living person, i'm better off imagining things. how i wish i were that lunatic.
please do not misunderstand that i went through all these emotions because i'm a teenage girl constantly being dumped by stupid boys and saying oh i know how they are feeling cos i have lost my life, stupidly saying that even when i can barely feed on my own. please, your words are heading the wrong direction. i didnt cry because i THINK i know the feeling so great for i have been dating many boys and when they leave i would cry my heart out like they are so precious. i'm not that kinda person you know. please, if one thing i have got left in me, it is pride. and pride guides me through life, if it doesnt i will be very much the same with some people out there.
i admit i'm weird and i like it. i'm weird for crying for something i am almost positive i would never experience myself. i cry for happy endings and perfect storyline of fiction characters, especially when i'm familiar with somethings in their life. i'm crying for the worst, and even for the best. so content looking at characters whose life have been difficult, but yet a happy ending awaits them, the way fiction goes. this book by far, is my favorite. a quick dip into my real life, i may say.
Ivan oh Ivan. i really need you, even if you are a fantasy.
1 comment:
Salam. Harap maklum, my blog URL shall be shafiqahomar.blogspot.com from today.
PS: pls change link dekat blog awak tu!
tq!
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