I Love Novels of Disaster

after twilight i have 6 novels to finish, and now i have just finished PS I Love You by cecelia ahern. so now i got 5 left ;

notice the pattern of my reading? never 'how to be popular' sort of thing. always the novel full of troubles and misery and problems and life disaster; get my head out of my own life i supposed. but how bad lives in the book could be, i always find something that would make me jealous with the characters' being. still for me reading is a therapy and would be much better if not including all the happiness of the world.

PS I Love You is a what should i say? easy read novel.

no its not about hi school sweethearts leaving notes at the end of every class on the table which end with ps i love you, not that kind of easy read. its a novel full of emotion, which is bittersweet and makes me feel very sorry for the character but at the same time jealous of her life. she's been through a dreadful tragedy and yet she's got her family and friends sticking with her and she's got a life full of surprise and not as bad as she thinks it is.

i almost want to be holly. to feel the longing, the happiness of finding such man and the sadness to watch him die and the support she has and actually many other wonderful things in life waiting for her only she, doesnt know that which leads her to be so gloomy.

it is heavy jugak i might say, for one who doesnt enjoy reading such a sad story about a widow. but its easy and i feel at ease reading it. never so jump-at-the-new-surprising-sentence. its a novel u can read on a vacation, at a beach maybe. and never have to go through the tense.

a novel to ease your soul.

my favorite quote and the one somehow made my eyes watered is ;

"nobody's life is filled with perfect little moments. and if they were, they wouldnt be perfect little moments. they would just be normal. how would you ever know happiness if you'd never experienced downs?"

the last line that hits me most.

oh you wouldnt know how deep it touches me. i cried. again. not a surprise.

sometimes i just wonder how can one has everything so perfectly easy. even though maybe i have something she wishes she has still i often thing she's the lucky one. because what i have is not many to be proud of. not many compared to what they have that burns me. that is more to be catched, more to be embraced, and i cant see my future if this path keeps creeping on the very norm of life, on something expected. i need more miracles to help me fly.

even smallest thing they have i do adore, i long for that something that they are never aware of. they just go through it, pass it as usual and not caring to feel blessed and to be extra happy for what they have. why should they be aware and let alone happy for such an easy thing to get in life? they will be happy if they can buy the ridiculously expensive cloth and ah never mind the tiny little things they have which i want to have as well.

they always have it right away, shoved to their nose whenever they need them. so they never feel the pain, the bad feeling of not having things particularly the things that appear to them; everyday's dust. cant blame them though for being showered with the beam of heaven.

but i think those people can never feel happiness the way one with pain does.

they got it, use it, pass it, leave it. but for the people who feel the pain in lives,

the things 'easy' people see as dust can appear like sand of diamonds washed ashore.

i think the most painful life to get through is having not enough love and even when others claim the love is always there; somehow u cant feel it. and also the uncertainty of where your future might lead u and even when u have the key, the door always seems to be locked even more.

ah damn us humans too selfish thinking of our own selves and mopping for our own life's sake and thinking our life sucks when other people might have it worse. but thankfully i know my life is better then theirs, and should be grateful for that, but not as better as others', and ah after all what can moping and hoping do to hurt us even more?

for now i just accept life as it is, and be thankful for what i have,

and really hope that the quote will beam on me someday,

and i'll be the happiest person in the world considering everything.