Umrah Ye

Assalamualaikum. Aku nak gi umrah. tadaaa!

Aku tak bagitau sesape kecuali sorang kawan. malas nak habaq benda tak tentu, lainla kalau dah last minute camni. by last minute aku maksudkan malam ni. iye, malam ni.

dua tahun lepas time nak gi NZ pun kat airportla aku message orang cakap aku nak pergi, sila doakan keselamatan kami. ada yang mengamuk sebab tak bagitau awal-awal. rasa dihargai :').

ceritanya bermula apabila ramai dak pas SPM nak gi umrah. aku cakap "best kan kalau dapat pegi ma?" tetiba esok dia bagitau bahawasanya kami akan ke Mekah pada hujung bulan ini. u say wuuut??? tetiba aku berat hati. tetiba aku macam "oh tidak! secepat ini???"

padahal dulu rasa alangkah indahnya kalau dapat pergi umrah dengan emak. yelah, orang tua kita dah tua, bukan selama-lamanya ada dengan kita. aku sentiasa ingat fakta ini, membuatkan aku lebih paranoid dan sering berdoa biar dapat kongsi benda bermakna dalam hidup dengan mama.

tetiba sekarang macam... taknak pergi! mungkin sebab dah berbulan aku tak kemana-mana. aku duduk rumah, buat apa-apa aku suka. suka hatila nak cakap hidup aku bosan ke, takde hidup langsung ke, ada aku kesah? i love a peaceful and quiet life, takyah  ke sini sana lepaklah menggelabahlah. kadang-kadang dengan kawan-kawan rapat tu bolehlah.

bukannya tak kena bebel langsung. mak mana yang tak membebel kalau anak dara dia tak berapa ada kualiti untuk jadi seorang isteri? ala ma, lek lu, lambat lagi. aku tak kesah duduk rumah wp kena marah, sebab time ni la nak duduk puas-puas dengan mak kan? kenapa? sila refer perenggan kelima.

mungkin jugak sebab berita ini sungguh secara tiba-tiba! kurang daripada sebulan untuk buat persiapan. persiapan terbaik aku hanyalah berkaitan dengan barang keperluan. sebelum ni susah naa aku nak beli jubah. see the height laa. malas nak potong bagi pendek, kesian tak?

aku ada jubah masa kecik je. sekarang, jubah untuk budak-budak tak muat, jubah untuk orang besar lak meleret-leret. aku kan lagi suka pakai baju berkain daripada seluar, so bila mood datang aku pakai baju kurung sebab aku tak suka skirt. at least boleh lipat kat pinggang, tsk tragis.

aku tak beli jubah sebab selain faktor ketinggian, jubah yang aku jumpa semua aku tak berkenan. sama ada kosong sangat atau terlebih bergaya tak ingat. labuci dekat lutut, wth? camne nak bawak solat? buat melawa bolehla. harga pun tak agak-agak, kadang-kadang bukan cantik pun yang over-over ni. jubah yang ada sulam atau manik tapi simple susah nak jumpa.

mungkin aku salah tempat. sebab bila aku pergi Giant kat sini, omagosh! comel-comel jubah dia! harga dalam 70 paling murah, boleh nego. design cantik, tak lebih-lebih, kaler kiut-kiut, i likeee. apa lagi, beli beli! pasni dah ada jubah yang boleh dipakai ke mana-mana tanpa nampak macam nak melawat kubur ataupun tengok fashion show. tsk.

aku cakap pasal apa tadi? scroll jap. oh ye, umrah.

salah satu sebab utama aku mula-mula taknak pergi ialah sebab aku tak ready. aku ni ikut suka hati je ada buat ada tinggal. contohnya, aku pakai stokin tapi tak pakai handsocks. bila ada gambar ternampak tangan, mulala nak photoshop. sedih je kalau gambar ngan kawan-kawan, semua dah comel, tetiba ternampak lengan. takleh masuk FB :(

aku rasa macam tak layak je nak jadi tetamu Allah, takut sebenarnya. nak ke bumi Mekah terima kaki aku? kalau dah takut tu prepare la awal-awal kan? tapi sama macam periksa, aku ambik pendekatan last minute. cuak usaha awal-awal, so aku usaha hari sebelumnya. 

KAU INGAT PERGI UMRAH NI MACAM FINAL EXAM KE?

tapi dah ni cara aku. lagi aku takut, lagi aku malas, lagi last minutelah usaha. sebelum tu aku lek lek je, sekarang baru menggelabah. old habit dies hard u no.

aku tanya mak aku, dia memang nak pergi ke? bukan sebab aku cakap pasal umrah kan? dia kata memang dia nak pergi lepas aku habis sekolah, almaklumlah sebelum ni ada anak kena jaga kat rumah. fine. dia kata dia boleh je pergi time lain, tapi kalau aku nak pergi dengan dia, sekaranglah masanya. pasni kang aku tercampak kat mana-mana tah, memang taklah nak gi umrah.

lepas aku balik nanti, jangan expect aku berubah walaupun 90 degree. aku nak berubah, tapi guna skala aku sendiri. yang manusia tak nampak. so. jangan. jadi. cam. makcik2. yang. tengok. artis. balik. umrah atau haji. pastu. complain "same je ghupenye". aku tampar kang.

oleh itu, tolonglah doakan saya dan mak saya selamat pergi dan balik ye? doakan semoga takde perkara tak elok yang jadi. semoga Allah terima aku yang hina ni. semoga aku dapat kebaikan sepenuhnya kat sana. semoga Allah makbulkan doa kita. 

Amin.

InsyaAllah aku akan doakan kawan-kawan aku semua :)

Twilight is better and "Harry Potter Kinda Sucks"? O Rly?

I came across this (CLICK THE LINK, or don't if you don't want to lose hope in humanity). before i go further, please read it, everyone. Done?

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ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT IS THIS ABSURDITY -  I CAN'T EVEN - WHAT..... breath. breath. regain your composure.

Don't lose hope just yet, if you read the comments you'll know there are people who will make the world a better place. Such as me. I've read the whole Twilight saga when i was 14, obsessed over it, but then realized what i was getting myself into. i didn't even finish Breaking Dawn. i was still 14 when i saw sense. this proves how Twi is a trend and seasonal, while HP is phenomenal and unforgettable. So my points will not be biased because i've experienced both.

Both are different stories with different purposes. the qualities are too. HP is literature, Twi is guilty pleasure. Twi is teen romance, a light reading aimed for girls which makes money, HP is a 'supposedly children book' read by all genders and generations, which touch the lives of many. There's no way a Potterhead will compare them because it's an insult to even question it. But since a Twitard does it first, as always, so here we go.

Read this if you want a valid argument on why Harry Potter is better and Twilight "kinda sucks", before you hear it from me.

Everyone has their cup of tea, but please don't even compare it to HP. Next time, don't use those points. it shows your level of maturity and mentality.

Girl, I hope you're trolling. That's the only reasonable explanation. Never in my life I see a Potterhead like this. I would have been ashamed of you if i were a Twihard too.

say you aren't kidding and are for real, here are my counter arguments.

1. "I mean little kids are reading that stuff!!!"

'Bloody hell' is not really a swear word. if some people find that offensive, so it's subjective. the only real swear word in the whole series is 'bitch' which is during the final battle. "NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH" was said by a mother who had just lost a son, to a bitch who almost killed her daughter.

it's kind of fitting isn't it? if you can even comprehend such emotions.

thanks for your concern. but little kids who grew up with HP were teenagers and young adults when the last book came out. we call ourselves the Harry Potter Generation. about the next generation of kids, they would hear it from somewhere else first. with what's on tv and the internet  'bitch' is used in less emotional and conflicted situations, don cha think? 

even i knew that word before i read it in HP. i guess you learnt the F-word the same way, too.

what about all those times in Twi when Bella was horny and begged Edward to make love to her? oh and the time Meyer described the aftermath of their sex? little kids and even teenagers would be traumatized by that. I guess not the kind of book we'll share with our daughters, huh?

2. "That teaches people that death is ok and natural! I mean who WANTS to read about that kind of thing?" 

uhm, honey, i don't know how to say this but, uhm, people DO die. i'm sorry that it's so natural. oh God tell me why am i the one who has to break this to this innocent, clueless soul right here??

Maybe you're lucky enough to never have lost anyone, but most of us are not! do you have any idea how the deaths in HP help us Potterheads as kids and teenagers? to know we're not the only one who feels the misery of losing somebody when everyone around us is as lucky as you are? to know everyone's equal and death is coming for us, no matter how good we are?

Little kids who are not exposed to this kind of things grow up to believe in happy endings and unrealistic fairytale, or worse, grow up to be you. People like you are so absorbed in romance fantasies to even realize the bitter reality of life.

People die. when you're dead you disappear from this earth. you don't have option  to ''stay' as a sparkly vampire. that's real life. deal with it.

3. "Its going to teach people that torture is okay!"

I DON'T REALLY CALL PEOPLE DUMB BUT... CAN YOU REALLY BE THAT DUMB TO THINK ONE WRITES ABOUT BAD THINGS TO INSPIRE OTHERS TO DO THEM?? EVEN A 7-YEAR-OLD CAN UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE POINT.

Every villain in HP has a reason - it's called DEPTH. even in our world, there are motivations and depressions causing people to be evil. but from Harry, we learn we don't have to be even if we have all the reasons in the world. in fact, Harry even had quite a similar childhood with Voldy.

Did you know why Voldy became evil? His mom was a poor pure blood witch who fell in love with a muggle. she gave him love potion, he thought he loved her, she became pregnant. she didn't want to lie anymore, wanted a real love, not a fake affection, so she stopped giving him love potion thinking he'd love her all the same. wrong. he left her and married another girl. she was disowned by her father for being with a muggle, had no one, no where, nothing. she died in child birth at an orphanage, where Voldy grew up having no friend and no foster family. All his life he felt hatred, trapped. When he had the chance to escape to Hogwarts, he was the best student, the head boy, the favourite. he used his talents to have power, gain followers, reign the magical world. That's why he hated, tortured and killed muggles and muggle-borns, because of his father. in fact, the first time he killed, the victims were his muggle family. it's ironic, seeing how he was a half-blood himself. as though he hated a part of who he was, with a common, weird name. that's how by rearranging the alphabets Tom Marvolo Riddle, you'll get 'I am Lord Voldemort.'

as for Bellatrix and other Death Eaters, they were brought up with the idea of how muggles were worthless and muggle-borns were mudbloods. it's parallel to how in our world, blacks, jews and muslims were labeled and hated. it's called PREJUDICE, in case you haven't noticed.

HP became darker as the readers grew older. so what if it's "HORRIBLE AND WRONG"? Welcome to the world. Grow up. kids can handle it, so it's about time you should.

don't tell me there's no violence at all in Twi, what about ripping the body apart and burning it to ashes? sweetie you must be having nightmares! it's okay then for Bella to  do dangerous things just to get a glimpse of her imaginary Edward when he left her? it's okay to go get yourself killed (or in Edward's case, ripped apart and burnt to ashes) when you think your girlfriend is dead? how about the torture Bella oh so endures for her love as mother?

4. "Twilight is American,  Harry Potter is British. Therefore, by logic, Twilight is better"

This is the point where i pray to God you're actually kidding. did you know how many Americans disagree with how everything "american automatically makes it higher quality"? how many Brits are offended by "British people can be really bad"?

"they fought against us and LOST in WW2" - ARE YOU KIDDING? it's your own country's history for God's sake! America. and Britain. were allies. you. guys. won. Good luck in your exams.

after you get that fact right, someone should tell you how the country where someone or something from does not affect the quality. someone else should tell you how Britain produced Shakespeare, Jane Austen, Queen Rowling and other all-time best writers. Noted scientists like Newton and Stephen Hawking, em, who else.. oh yes, Paul McCartney, John Lennon and basically all the members of The Beatles were Britons! 

even Lady D was a Brit too! i know right, like, how shocking!

R-Pattz is a Brit. I know this must be a total surprise to you. before he was Edward Cullen, he was Cedric Diggory. who's that? oh, only a character from HP. by the way, he admits he likes being in HP more than Twi. oh, you didn't know how much he hates Twi, did you?

5. "like they use slang and stuff that doesnt make sense to ANYONE BUT BRITISH PEOPLE!"

I don't think there's many. 'Blimey'? everyone can guess it's what one says when one's surprised. everyone knows from a situation described that 'snog' means kiss. I admit you need a dictionary to know what 'nitwit' and 'pip pip' are, but they are used only once. that's how you learn. by using a "fucking SLANG DICTIONARY".

"Can you Americans speak any other language besides English?" - Inglourious Basterds

that's what we, non-english speakers, do. don't be so lazy. no wonder your spelling is bad.

There's one thing you need to know, which is everyone around the globe AREN'T all Americans. There are people of different nationalities, races, religions, languages, slangs and accents. even people from North American have accents!

6. "They should of gotten normal people who can FUCKING TALK RIGHT!!!"

Missy, you should use proper English which originated from Britain (where everything's bad rite?) before you comment on how other people talk. it's SHOULD HAVE, NOT SHOULD OF. i don't understand people who write like this. do you think you're a Brit? because saying 'should of' sounds like talking with a British accent which you hate.

You are the first and only person who trashes British accent. everybody else loves it, it's sexy <3 isn't sexy what you Twihards care about?

The movies were made by an American company but the actors have "funny accents" because THEY ARE BRITISH! GOD. about ten years ago, JKR said something like this to Warner Bros "You can only make the movies if all the workforce - actors, designers, constructors, artists, composers, runners, everyone - is British or Irish, unless their characters are not. If you agree, then we have a deal," and you know what? that's the best deal ever.

HP is the first ($7,706,147,978) while Twi is at no 9 ($2,505,603,891) of the highest grossing franchise, DHP2 is the third ($1,328,111,219) highest grossing film after Avatar and Titanic, 5 HP films are top 10 on the list, actually all 8 HP films are way above any Twi film, with PoA the lowest grossing HP film ($796,688,549) at no 33 and New Moon the highest grossing Twi film ($709,827,462) at no 44.

well, this clearly shows how "Harry Potter kinda sucks", doesn't it?

WEIRDOS? WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOU BIMBO. HP is an assemble of acknowledged and talented Brit actors, some have won prestigious awards (by prestigious, i don't mean Teen Choice Award), some have been granted with titles (Dame Maggie Smith, Sir Michael Gambon), and some can act naturally like they've done it all their lives, being just little kids.

it's your fault the only celebrities you know are from Hollywood who fill the tabloids and act in cheesy romantic comedies.

7. "The chracters are ugly"

I'M STOPPING MYSELF FROM SWEARING LIKE MOLLY WEASLEY NOW, YOU BI-

SERIOUSLY? CAN YOU BE THAT SUPERFICIAL? 

The characters aren't ugly. to someone thick, they are because they don't look like barbies. JKR wants to teach little kids that it's okay to not look like what they see on tv and in magazines, it's okay to look like who they are for everyone's beautiful in their own way and we are all special, that you must be proud of your strength and uniqueness, do not be ashamed for being intelligent like Hermione or different like Luna, that being ginger doesn't mean you're weird and wearing glasses doesn't make you a nerd, you need to embrace your physical beauty and work harder on your inner beauty, that's the point.

 

it seems you really need to read Harry Potter. this is what happens, when an impressionable girl reads Twilight and believe everyone should look like the vampires (Meyer's version, at least, which is a disgrace to vampire race) - flawless. if you're not attractive enough, just visit them as food!

the actors in HP grew into their looks, they started as children. they were cast because they have talents, not because of their appearance. Hermione wasn't supposed to be pretty, so was Luna, Harry wasn't supposed to be handsome, Ron wasn't supposed to be hunky, and have you seen Tom Felton? Neville wasn't supposed to be that... different! Drool.

the only characters who were described in the books as good looking i think were Cedric, Ginny, Fleur and Bill. and Hermione during Yule Ball, the first time she ever cared about her looks. before that, it was all books. and that's what girls should do, too.

While what Bella ever cared about was her boyfriend, but since Edward didn't want to have sex until they're married, another thing she cared about was getting married. to have sex. Edward fell in love with her because of her smell on the first place, and Bella was madly in love with him because of his looks before she even knew him, that's stupid. everyone is perfect it's unrealistic.

And what you said about beards is hurtful. you've just insulted many religions, cultures, ages, beliefs, traditions, people. just as what you said about the so-called dress, well bimbo, it's called a robe. Guys in HP wear robes because they are supposedly wizards. it's called costume.

You know what i hate the most about Twitards? the only thing they have to say about Twilight is "Taylor is so hot! his abs, omg, i'm so turned on! Kristen is so pwetty, i don't care she doesn't have expressions, she's like, the best actress eva! and Robert! omg, his face, like, i wanna kiss that face and have a child with that face like, so pewwwfect!"

Please. Do. Not. Be an embarrassment. To. Girls. And. The human race.

8. "WHat kind of sadistic creepy fucking moron kills people and tortured them FOR FUN?!??!"

We have a word for that - PSYCHOPATHS. this world is full of them. for a second put down that Toilet and go read a newspaper. you've been reading enough kisses and glitters.

OMG, can't you see? like, it's so obvious. The real actions happened at the end of school year totally because Voldy cared for Harry's education! Du-uh!

NO. but because it's called CLIMAX. no, not the one Bella had. Plots (something HP actually has) need to build up first. conflicts still happen throughout the year. The villains need to have proper plannings, but the climax don't even involve the same villains every year. The climax of each book and of the whole series, is when the PLOT HOLES are filled (something missing in Twi) and the conclusions are revealed.

My darlings from Interview With a Vampire are not amused.

you say The Volturi is realistic? the first time they appeared, they talked. they warned, but didn't do anything until two books later, they returned. just to talk some more. then they left and nobody was killed, oooh very evil. all they do is sit on high chairs, send their servants to do their dirty work (which is easy because there's not much to do), and talk. "creepy losers with bad hair in cloaks"? I suggest you take a look again at The Realistic Evil Volturi.

first you say HP villains make the story too depressing and dark. and now this. really? it seems contradictory isn't it? oh yes, it's something you learn from Meyer.

Why Twilight "kinda sucks"

now it's my turn. it's how Meyer writes. how 90% of the content is about how Bella describes Edward, how in love she is, how lustful she feels, it's like she doesn't have anything else to think about other than romance. how there are contradictions and plot holes which remain so until the end. Because of the ridiculous ideas of vampires and creatures which insult classic mythology. how women can't live without men. how to forget your life when you think your boyfriend forgets you. how to use your best friend as a rebound. how to not know who to choose. how love is so great you should be selfish instead of making  sacrifices. how superficial and perfect everything is, it's unrealistic, unlike in HP when even the heros have imperfections and the enemies have something good to offer. how people can't relate, unlike HP which is set in a magical world, but extremely relatable. How Bella is uh why does everybody like me and want me uh i don't understand uh i'm just a girl who blushes and trips over everything. How Meyer is nothing like Rowling, and Twi is nothing like HP, but Twitards dare to compare and say Twi is so much better. How Twitards are so obsessed with abs and looks. How they fail to give sensible reasons why "Harry Potter kinda sucks". How some Twitards talk and think with a mind of a... Twitard. and because of Twitards like this one.

So these are my reasons. they flow out of my mind like a flood and i don't even have to think much. I can go on and on about how HP is better and how it pwns Twi, but that can be later.

Did you know why we HP fans think "HP is SOOOO much better and trying to lord it all over us Twilight fans"? Because you, Twilight fans, are "just plain RUDE" first. 

Do we need to keep our mouth shut and respect Twitards when you lot are giving nonsense comments about how you’re more superior but everyone with a right mind know that you’re just desperate to prove an invalid argument? just sayin’. Twi is not LOTR or Narnia. Next time you want to argue, come out with clever responses and actual reasons.

Everyone has their taste, I understand. But please know your stand.

What is love? Apa itu cinta?

Post ini mengikut tema blog 1994's bulan ni. pas SPM ada sorang mamat yang aku kenal daripada private group SPM kat FB yang aku pernah cerita tu, dia ajak join blog tu. so aku kongsi apa aku blog kat Keretapi yang ada kaitan dengan generasi 94, ikut tema yang ditetapkan atau recycle post lama blog ni letak kat blog tu sebab aku pemalas. hehe. blog ni masih baby, tapi tak lama lagi kami akan teguh bediri! oh yeah! sekarang aku antara admin yang mengedit, mempromote, menghias, menambah dan sebagainya. kbai. eh jangan kbai lagi, baca bawah ni.


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Aku nak tau apa maksud fenomena yang hampir semua orang pernah atau tengah lalui ni. ke korang je yang ingat itu cinta? "oh, i'm in love." or are you? 'love' in this context is cinta, not sayang, not suka.

aku tak rasa perasaan malu berselisih dengan kawan sekolah tu cinta, nor the butterflies in the tummy when you see him/her. tak juga perasaan nak jumpa sentiasa. texting setiap masa, calling memalam buta, tersengih sengsorang macam otak tak center. sebab angaukan si dia.

sebelum tu, tengok dulu ni. sesape yang internet mencabar keimanan bolehlah baca dulu sementara tunggu video ni ye. heh heh. sebenarnya aku tengah dalam mood HP ni. FB profile aku dah macam HP page gayanya, penuh dengan video youtube and quotes from Dear Mr Potter. aku memang sentiasa cek out youtube cari video baru yang best-best, heh heh.

"HP is about the magic of love. the love of a parent, more powerful than any other force on earth. the love that holds friends together. love that binds, strengthens and protects. HP taught me more about love than any other book. no mere children book could accomplish that" - Dear Mr Potter.

"love is the strongest power there is" - JKR ♥

habis, what the hell is cinta?

aku taktau. ya. aku taktau.

 

aku pernah merasa setakat suka-suka dan sampai duka-duka, tapi cukuplah aku panggil itu perasaan biasa. kuat, tapi tak sekuat cinta. mungkin aku tak sedar aku pernah berlovey-dovey. mungkin sebab cinta hanya untuk yang paling istimewa, exclusive untuk yang halal, jadi aku tak mengaku. mungkin sebab cinta, memang aku tak pernah tau. takkan ada kuiz yang ada jawapan tepat. takkan wujud alat untuk ukur perasaan kita. tapi kalau tanya aku, memang aku cakap aku tak pernah rasa cinta.

woaaah sekali sekala berjiwang, terus ini hasilnya! ok sambung. aku tak pernah rasa cinta.

and i'm okay with that. kenapa nak cepat-cepat? we're still young what. macam aku salu kata "kalau ada, ada. kalau takde, takpe."

lagipun gua tak pernah kapel. bukan kapel itu chenta kah bak kata dak-dak zaman sekarang?

so, apa kejadahnya love?

let's ask Tumblr The Therapist.

 

This can be a good one, the truth, even. if you minus the fact that you love because of looks, assets, personalities, minds, hearts, tensions, incidents, companions, securities, and others, oh and because they love you first. so... this should be an unconditional love. maybe suicidal too.

 

also suicidal. oh well, maybe this is what true love is all about, eh? i can take it if the worst side isn't something which will affect you, like infidelity or over-the-top jealousy, or the laziness to carry out his responsibilities properly.

 

I agree. Taylor Swift's songs were meaningless to me. but those songs were what i kept on playing once upon a time. other love songs too, it's amazing how they can speak your mind and scream your heart when all you do is listen, smile or cry. awww.  you can even arrange the songs to represent your own story. but I don't agree on the love part. songs just have the magic, not because of love.

this is what i've been thinking since forever about what love should be. it should be with someone who i can be myself with and tell anything to. he might not understand, but he'll listen. who i can share a comfortable silence without being awkward, respects my interests and anything that matters, won't get bored of me, won't judge me. i believe that best friends falling in love and sharing lives are the best things in the world. you know one another, you accept each other and don't have to pretend to be someone else or someone better. you already have a solid foundation. you love him because you know him, not that you get to know him because you love him. i think that's the best relationship in the world. isn't it perfect? 

if i'm lucky enough or deserve someone like that, or if he even exists.

kalau bukan cinta perasaan ni, apa lagi?

you might experience something called a crush. a for-fun-crush with no fear, no worry and nothing hurts. or a serious crush with tears, jealousy and everything hurts. or you're being lonely. or hormones explosions. or the need to have someone to fancy. or boredom. or obsessions. or peer pressure. or tv influence. or being used to having someone that you constantly have the urge to find someone new to replace the old one. for that, i pity you.

man up la sikit, girl power la sikit. tak lengkap ke hidup kalau kredit tak berkurangan, kalau pada malam yang sunyi, pagi yang gelap, takde sape nak teman?

we've all been in at least one of the situations above right? don't deny it, don't defy it. cinta itu fitrah. tapi dalam kes yang cinta selalu diberi makna lain dan imej buruk, i need to rephrase - perasaan itu fitrah. Nabi Muhammad tak pernah halang umat dia merindui dan mencintai. asalkan tak ikut nafsu, kawal tingkah laku. so what kalau kau syok sendiri? kalau kau makan hati? appreciate the beauty of it. experience the misery of it. it's what having a heart is all about.

tapi perasaan juga boleh jadi fitnah. i'm not a 'hollier-than-thou', jadi aku takkan cakap "oh, zina hati, zina itu ini, hentikan!" Hati dan perasaan takleh dikawal. sebab tu tuhan kasi kita akal. untuk kawal nafsu dan perbuatan. Islam tak susah, tak juga mudah. so chill, takyah sikit-sikit gelabah. tak buat semua tu, alhamdulillah. tapi jangan pulak rasa orang yang buat tu "kau akan dilaknat Allah!" haih.

hapdet : kalau dua lovebirds mengaku bercouple, tapi tak rindu dengan syahwat (zina hati), tak lupa dunia, tak lagha sangat, tak berdua-duaan, niat nak nikah, kira cuba ikut syariat. takkan nak cakap "kau kapel, haram! dosa oi" tak pasal-pasal. padahal dorang dah cukup jaga dah tu, kasi kredit sikitla daripada kritik tak kena tempat.

kita dah biasa fikir couple ni makwe pakwe berpelukan, pegang tangan. dah biasa dgr orang canang kapel haram. padahal kawan2 laki pompuan pun kalau buat benda sama, haram jugak. tak semestinya bercinta, mesti buat benda tak elok. tak semestinya nama tak kapel, tak buat benda teruk. mindset tu cubalah set ikut logic sikit.


status doesn't mean anything. actions do mean something.

oh camtu. jadi?

jadi aku nak kasi nasihat ni, ehhem. if you like someone, don't overrate or overstate what you're feeling. "I love you" said to the person or written in a diary won't do any good. in case you haven't noticed, people change, feelings fade away. if you still want to let the person know or daydream about it everywhere you go, make sure it's the truth. you like him/her, and it might be nothing months later, so don't start hoping or planning a wedding. 

but here's another tip. don't tell him/her unless you're serious about it and/or want to plan a wedding indeed. otherwise, don't let your actions speak for you. girls always know and boys, er, cepat perasan. stop the texting, calling, all those temporary craps that will be nothing. the feelings will go away. if they don't, then it's another story. a love story, maybe.

and don't love for any other reason than love itself.

sejak sekolah rendah trend couple ni dah ada. zaman aku paling tak innocent - ada geng yang rasa sekolah tu kitorang punya, siap ada nama dan identiti tersendiri, buli manja junior-junior, nak kenal apa itu suka apa itu pakwe, dak-dak gempak ah konon ni - ialah masa sekolah rendah. tapi time tu aku dah rasa "couple? nonsense!"

kenapa nak kapel segala? suka jelah macam biasa. bukan nak kahwin pun. perlu ke nak cop orang? aku rasa couple perlu kalau nak serious. kalau tak, no to the way. aku maksudkan couple yang label k, bukan couple yang buat bukan-bukan.

itu visi seorang calon UPSR. sekarang dah lepas SPM dah pun. visi kekal sama, tapi lebih mantop.

sorry, tapi aku memang dari dulu tak tahan ngan orang yang couple clash macam kitaran bulan. couple main-main satu hal, couple betul-betul bahagia bagai nak rak bila clash macam mati anak tapi ulang cycle yang sama sebulan kemudian, itu pun satu hal. aku ada hal la dengan dua-dua hal ni.

hal pertama, yang main-main. dah tau tujuan mutlak tak berapa murni, iaitu bukan suka betul-betul pun tapi lebih kepada mencuba, mengidam makwe dan sebagainya, tolong jangan guna perkataan love boleh tak? hal kedua, yang betul-betul tapi selalu bertukar kekasih hati lain-lain. tolong jangan hilangkan kenaifan kau, bazirkan air mata kau untuk setiap orang yang kau rasa kau 'cinta', tapi dapat target baru, yang lepas lupa, ulang benda sama.

cinta ke tu?

jadi aku tanya korang. apa tu cinta? pernah ke? *kening-kening*

Kenangan Myspace - Blogging Sebagai Budak 14 Tahun

Assalamualaikum. tau tak haritu aku bukak Myspace? hah hah, setelah bertahun ditinggalkan!

Kenapa aku tak delete mespes?

sebab mespes itu kenangan.

mespes itu zaman ketika dan tempat di mana budak-budak baru nak up. tempat aku kenal budak-budak sekolah aku, sekolah lain, senior, junior, tah sape-sape datang dari mana tah pun aku kenal. oh, waktu itu.

mespes tempat mengumpul kawan. tempat semua mesra alam semacam, "u chomeyl, hit me bckx!", main balas-balas comment, balas-balas top friend, oh kenangan.

dekat FB tak camni. betul tak? 

aku kat FB jarang tegur orang, kecuali kawan yang memang kawan. dulu orang tegur di mespes kira biasa, tapi sekarang orang tegur di FB mesti cam "apa kau nak hah" dalam hati.

mungkin sebab kat mespes ada privasi. biasanya orang hide comment. takdelah orang lain fikir eh kenapa dia comment orang tu? ada pape ke ni? eh dorang gossip pasal aku! kena stalk ni!

takdelah risau persepsi orang sekeliling... kecuali orang sekeliling kau macam aku dan kawan-kawan aku. spesis stalker. ambik no ID orang yang hide-hide ni, bukak kita punya dan ganti ID kita dengan ID orang tu. tadaaa! terbongkar segala resie. muahahaa!

kat FB semuanya terpampang kat wall, senang keje stalker. sebab itulah orang di FB tak berapa ramah agaknya. kalau tegur dekat wall, macam mesra sangat. nanti orang yang memerhati fikir lain. tegur dekat FB message, macam rapat sangat. nanti orang yang ditegur fikir lain.

aku lagi banyak sembang dekat FB message selain menyelit comment sikit-sikit. kat situlah keluar segala cerita segala rahsia. chat? lolol tak pernah online chat. sebab tu orang ingat aku tak online, padahal FBku terbuka setiap masa.

pada aku FB tempat menambah kenalan. bukan menambah kawan. er saya tak sombong, tapi segan.

Apa dah jadi kat mespes?

jadi lain. lain lah. lain camne? tengok sendiri.

satu perkara yang buat aku frust menonggeng rasa "whyyy? tidak akan aku mengekalkan mespes jika aku tahu akan jadi begini!" iaitu... semua comment dah hilang! apakah? ya, hilang!

kat situ ada kenangan dengan orang yang pernah dan masih rapat, kenangan yang memalukan dan memualkan dicoret oleh diri sendiri yang 5 tahun lebih muda, semua hilang!

tensyen gua.

Blogging as a 14-year-old

tapi ada yang tak hilang... iaitu blog! dulu zaman pra-Keretapi, aku blog sikit-sikit kat mespes. kat situlah minat berblogging timbul. sampai ada yang suruh aku buat akaun blogspot. tsk, tsk, terharu i.  dulu kat blog mespes orang baca dan komen, tapi sekarang....... dot dot.

aku nak kongsi penulisan aku masa form 2. ini entry terakhir kat mespes, sebelum aku mula ada ruang sendiri. mari lihat perbezaan dulu dan sekarang!

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Something to talk about - 9.9.08

Dan stimulus sampai, otak pon berfikir and ke hujung jarilah nerve impulse pergi. Blah, blah, blah. This is a total nothing, so kalau taknak bace takyah susah2 ye.

Pasal : semua topic yg dapat difikirkan sekarang ni.

Sekolah. 

malas. i admit, school isn't a great place. kedatangan asyik kosong je. pastu org ingat aku ponteng. hoi! tonsel lah. and some oversleeping. and some.. reasons. heheee. SMK Lembah Keramat akan sentiasa menjadi sarang boyan, bak kata org lain. tapi naseb aku KRK, dapat gang satu kepala. takpelah, boyan tak boyan ni gak sekolah aku kan. sayang sayang. cume certain sesi petang je pandang slack kat krk :(  sedeh. form 3 nnt kita jumpe gak, so apelah salahnye friendly dr skg. kan?

Asrama. whoaaah.

best. unless u have a problem like i had, u've got no where to run. face it 24 hours 7 days a week. other than that, seronok! aktiviti byk. bakal suami ade harapan utk ade kerja yg best. muahahaaa. tapi memang tak tergambar pengalaman kat sana. bila dah keluar, teringat2 Serting. tapi taknak masuk lglah. people say, when u've already got 3 wishes, u don't ask for more. biarlah aku stuck kat lembah forever, maybe ade silver lining nanti. =D

Options.

sekarang asyik fikir kalau ade rezeki nak tak masuk asrama balik? tapi kalau tak masuk, berjanggut nak tunggu overseas. kawan2 semua nak asrama, and i know hoping that they won't get the offer is a bad thing, tp nanti kalau aku tggl sorg2 camne? :(

form 4 nanti, taknakla masuk asrama lg. i know about all the great advantages, it is just, enough is enough. i don't want to take the risk. the risk is not being homesick. homesick memang lumrah hidup asrama, tak mati pun. ni, the risk yang boleh buat mati jiwa raga mati hati. i have felt how to live in mrsm, and that's good enough.

i know budak gov susah cr makan, nak fly pun tengok boarding school students dulu which is very unfair. biased. expect dak asrama je yg bagus gila, not bothering to pay attention to gov students. hello Ministry of Education, i have some serious issues here. mmg tak adil, yet aku takkan gi asrama lagi. maybe i will, when pigs fly. on a very good day. just pray the best for me eh?

Membantut.

ni fakta bkn auta. time kecik dulu, aku tinggi... betul lah! terlebih tinggi. mase djh 4, time kawad aku dok satu line ngn akak2 djh 6. same tinggi ngn laki, even taller!  abg2 aku salu ckp "kau tinggi camni besar nanti takde sape nak kawen ngn kau", "nanti kau bongkok", macam2la. aku pon risau, salu merungut. pastu aku pon taknak tggi. tak bersyukur.

 

last2 skg... haha. aku jadi bahan orang :( takpe, aku doa korg kawen ngn org kerdil. apa salahnya kawen ngn orang kerdil? habis apa salahnya aku pendek? haaa. dorg tak caye yg dulu aku pernah tinggi. konon aku cam desperate nak tipu. hello??

aku rase aku tau asal aku pendek skg. sbb aku membesar terlampau cpt, time budak2 lagi. so skg turn korg lak meninggi, i've been there, done that... hahah. mungkin jugak sbb dulu aku tak bersyukur. dah tinggi nak pendek, haih. so pleaseee jgn merungut, allah dah buat tu accept jelaa. org kate, be careful of what u wish for :)

Books. My addiction.

Harry potter! Ada org fikir bodoh gila suka harry potter, what the hell? I dare them to read the books and they'll be eating their words. Kau taknak bab gelap2, sedih2, gelak2, bab romantik pon ada. macam-macam ada lah.

aku suke jugak lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events. Pasal 3 orphans yg hidup tak pernah senang. Teach me a lot about life. as well as chicken soup for the soul series. Real life, real stories. And banyak lagilaa. nak cerita satu2 mmg takkan habis.

The other day I had 7 books in my hand. I sat cross-legged on the carpet in the bookstore, and began to make points. Finally, I bought 3 books about life problems. Yang love, what will the book teach me? How to flirt with guys? mmg best utk dibaca, cuma mcm tak bawak ke mana pun kecuali ke awang-awangan. Tgklah next time, maybe I'll go home with that kind of books. 

Books can make me cry badly like the sad events are real. Once I read the sentences, I'm drowning in the new world. I can imagine how the characters utter their dialogs, I feel what they feel. It's amazing how words can create a new feeling and experience u never feel before. And that's the magic of reading.

Motion picture.

Harry potter, again. Mmg movies dia mcm apa entah sbb tak ikut buku sgt, still I'm a loyal DHF. And of all romance movies, I fancy Love Actually the most. Eh aku layan semualah senang cite.

utk tv, I'm a fan of Heroes, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Friends, Greys anatomy.. ok masih semua aku tengok. org kate tah pape tgk Heroes pasal super power yang mengarut semua, ahh kau tak hayati jangan byk bunyi. message and storyline Heroes best, terutama the love between the brothers. Friends, sgt sgt sgt best. best kan kalau kite ade a group of friends camtu? badly, we don't direct our lives, like they do the show.

movies can make me cry, too. Ke mmg aku yg sensitif? Tak kesahlaa, yg penting if we feel the pain of others, it means we aren't some ego cruel-hearted people. At least I'm a human being.

Besar nanti saya nak jadi…

Kalau dulu kecik2, confident je bila org tanye cita2. Tp makin besar makin confuse. Taulah baru 14, but since I'm a person who'll die without a good feature, that issue should be considered

I have this passion for writing, making up sayings, and creating a whole new story. But competitions are soaring. Can I make it? Or will they throw my books to the last shelf in the store? Unless I can make a change, be someone like JK Rowling  or Jane Austen. I also write poetries, which is a good way to release emotions in the form of sentences. 

Aku bagitau family aku pasal nak masuk kelas sastera time form 4 and guess what? They actually laughed. They want me to take science, which will be an exciting experience and a way to a bright future. But I happen to not want to head that way. Orang fikir kelas sastera hanya utk budak2 yg tak layak masuk sains. Bukan ni pilihan kita ke? But I always know I'll end up in science anyway. 

Back to the topic, I want to have a job that will satisfy me, say working with people, understanding their problems, knowing that it is not just me and the way I think that exist in this world. Taknaklah kerja menaip, meeting, terperuk dalam office or lab tak habis2.

And I have this desire to be a full time housewife, taking care of their lives. I know the journey is way too far before I reach the destination, but we people must live on plans, don't we?

Friends. I'll be there for you.

Sometimes I think, we become friends because we're schoolmates, or what? Had we meet a little late would i ignore you? Could we even brush our and show faces of dislike? I'm sure it is a fact. If u do not meet them at school or work or anywhere else, u do not befriend the person. We cant befriend a total stranger, right?

I've been thinking, why would friends leave each other when we're apart? Ade yg kata sbb dah tak same skolah, dah tak jumpa, so why continue? Mmg dasar lah.

  

And I don't understand boys. maybe some, maybe all. dorg berkwan utk ape? Because everytime a boy approaches a girl and acts like he wants sincerely, to befriend her, mesti tak lame. I thought I've found my true guy friend, he's not like the others, and what happened? Taktau ape salah, skg kitorg tak contact dah. Bukan ape, cume kawan ngn laki best. kita dpt tgk dunia dari mata dorg. Tapi rasenya tak boleh dibuat best friends. Ada je tak kena. 

Org tak fikir, how certain things upset someone. Knowing one person, getting close to them, and suddenly they leave us, forget us, wow. It's heartbreaking. And I don't need a boyfriend for that.

Budak zaman sekarang.

Banyak mcm dah takde budaya agama. Org dulu pon nakal gak, tapi takdela merempit tempah maut or buat maksiat tambah dosa. Ade yg pakai terdedah sini sana. kalau taknak tutup aurat pun (walaupun sepatutnya tak boleh), jangan promote private parts boleh tak?

And drpd nak mencarut benda tak senonoh, baik maki hamun guna perkataan bodoh dan seangkatan. at least takdelah kau tengking orang guna anggota badan orang lain. Pastu nak goth la, kuda belang la, gelombang macam2 la, menyampah tau tak. Konon ade identiti Identitila sgt kalau satu group pakai sama je. Tak boleh ke jadi diri sendiri? 

Kalau nak ckp psl budak zaman skg, mmg mcm2. nanti tak pasal2 kena blacklist pulak. Aku pon bukan baik sgt. Cuma nak korg tgk dunia ni btul2. 

Nak hayati zaman remaja? go kick some balls, do sleepover, learn to bake with your girls, collect some robots ke. Have a real passion. And media salu tanya, "kita sambut merdeka kali ke berapa". Ade jawab 18, 23, 58, 57.  Mmg tak terkata dah. Hey, maybe aku seorg yg sgt patriotic tp fancy English movies and books semua. At least aku tak pretend to be someone different. Since darah askar mmg mengalir dalam badan, so my loyalty should not be questioned.

Sorry sebab banyak terkasar bahasa. If only this world is still a sanctuary.

My World.

Let's just assume I'm as normal as u are. that I do not wear a mask the second I step outside my bedroom. I want to say "hello, world, here's my story". I want people to know what I've felt, how I see things, and the reasons for whatever I've done. Maybe one day I'll be the best selling author writing about my life. Amin.

Nampaknya korg berjaya melalui blog yg takde motif ni.

So why not drop a cmmnt???

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komen-komen aku letak kat komen seksyen. dah panjang bebeno dah ni.

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years have passed since this entry and these comments were made. the person writing and the people commenting have become someone different if not much, maybe a little today. how about you?


still, some things never change :)