Kenangan Myspace - Blogging Sebagai Budak 14 Tahun

Assalamualaikum. tau tak haritu aku bukak Myspace? hah hah, setelah bertahun ditinggalkan!

Kenapa aku tak delete mespes?

sebab mespes itu kenangan.

mespes itu zaman ketika dan tempat di mana budak-budak baru nak up. tempat aku kenal budak-budak sekolah aku, sekolah lain, senior, junior, tah sape-sape datang dari mana tah pun aku kenal. oh, waktu itu.

mespes tempat mengumpul kawan. tempat semua mesra alam semacam, "u chomeyl, hit me bckx!", main balas-balas comment, balas-balas top friend, oh kenangan.

dekat FB tak camni. betul tak? 

aku kat FB jarang tegur orang, kecuali kawan yang memang kawan. dulu orang tegur di mespes kira biasa, tapi sekarang orang tegur di FB mesti cam "apa kau nak hah" dalam hati.

mungkin sebab kat mespes ada privasi. biasanya orang hide comment. takdelah orang lain fikir eh kenapa dia comment orang tu? ada pape ke ni? eh dorang gossip pasal aku! kena stalk ni!

takdelah risau persepsi orang sekeliling... kecuali orang sekeliling kau macam aku dan kawan-kawan aku. spesis stalker. ambik no ID orang yang hide-hide ni, bukak kita punya dan ganti ID kita dengan ID orang tu. tadaaa! terbongkar segala resie. muahahaa!

kat FB semuanya terpampang kat wall, senang keje stalker. sebab itulah orang di FB tak berapa ramah agaknya. kalau tegur dekat wall, macam mesra sangat. nanti orang yang memerhati fikir lain. tegur dekat FB message, macam rapat sangat. nanti orang yang ditegur fikir lain.

aku lagi banyak sembang dekat FB message selain menyelit comment sikit-sikit. kat situlah keluar segala cerita segala rahsia. chat? lolol tak pernah online chat. sebab tu orang ingat aku tak online, padahal FBku terbuka setiap masa.

pada aku FB tempat menambah kenalan. bukan menambah kawan. er saya tak sombong, tapi segan.

Apa dah jadi kat mespes?

jadi lain. lain lah. lain camne? tengok sendiri.

satu perkara yang buat aku frust menonggeng rasa "whyyy? tidak akan aku mengekalkan mespes jika aku tahu akan jadi begini!" iaitu... semua comment dah hilang! apakah? ya, hilang!

kat situ ada kenangan dengan orang yang pernah dan masih rapat, kenangan yang memalukan dan memualkan dicoret oleh diri sendiri yang 5 tahun lebih muda, semua hilang!

tensyen gua.

Blogging as a 14-year-old

tapi ada yang tak hilang... iaitu blog! dulu zaman pra-Keretapi, aku blog sikit-sikit kat mespes. kat situlah minat berblogging timbul. sampai ada yang suruh aku buat akaun blogspot. tsk, tsk, terharu i.  dulu kat blog mespes orang baca dan komen, tapi sekarang....... dot dot.

aku nak kongsi penulisan aku masa form 2. ini entry terakhir kat mespes, sebelum aku mula ada ruang sendiri. mari lihat perbezaan dulu dan sekarang!

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Something to talk about - 9.9.08

Dan stimulus sampai, otak pon berfikir and ke hujung jarilah nerve impulse pergi. Blah, blah, blah. This is a total nothing, so kalau taknak bace takyah susah2 ye.

Pasal : semua topic yg dapat difikirkan sekarang ni.

Sekolah. 

malas. i admit, school isn't a great place. kedatangan asyik kosong je. pastu org ingat aku ponteng. hoi! tonsel lah. and some oversleeping. and some.. reasons. heheee. SMK Lembah Keramat akan sentiasa menjadi sarang boyan, bak kata org lain. tapi naseb aku KRK, dapat gang satu kepala. takpelah, boyan tak boyan ni gak sekolah aku kan. sayang sayang. cume certain sesi petang je pandang slack kat krk :(  sedeh. form 3 nnt kita jumpe gak, so apelah salahnye friendly dr skg. kan?

Asrama. whoaaah.

best. unless u have a problem like i had, u've got no where to run. face it 24 hours 7 days a week. other than that, seronok! aktiviti byk. bakal suami ade harapan utk ade kerja yg best. muahahaaa. tapi memang tak tergambar pengalaman kat sana. bila dah keluar, teringat2 Serting. tapi taknak masuk lglah. people say, when u've already got 3 wishes, u don't ask for more. biarlah aku stuck kat lembah forever, maybe ade silver lining nanti. =D

Options.

sekarang asyik fikir kalau ade rezeki nak tak masuk asrama balik? tapi kalau tak masuk, berjanggut nak tunggu overseas. kawan2 semua nak asrama, and i know hoping that they won't get the offer is a bad thing, tp nanti kalau aku tggl sorg2 camne? :(

form 4 nanti, taknakla masuk asrama lg. i know about all the great advantages, it is just, enough is enough. i don't want to take the risk. the risk is not being homesick. homesick memang lumrah hidup asrama, tak mati pun. ni, the risk yang boleh buat mati jiwa raga mati hati. i have felt how to live in mrsm, and that's good enough.

i know budak gov susah cr makan, nak fly pun tengok boarding school students dulu which is very unfair. biased. expect dak asrama je yg bagus gila, not bothering to pay attention to gov students. hello Ministry of Education, i have some serious issues here. mmg tak adil, yet aku takkan gi asrama lagi. maybe i will, when pigs fly. on a very good day. just pray the best for me eh?

Membantut.

ni fakta bkn auta. time kecik dulu, aku tinggi... betul lah! terlebih tinggi. mase djh 4, time kawad aku dok satu line ngn akak2 djh 6. same tinggi ngn laki, even taller!  abg2 aku salu ckp "kau tinggi camni besar nanti takde sape nak kawen ngn kau", "nanti kau bongkok", macam2la. aku pon risau, salu merungut. pastu aku pon taknak tggi. tak bersyukur.

 

last2 skg... haha. aku jadi bahan orang :( takpe, aku doa korg kawen ngn org kerdil. apa salahnya kawen ngn orang kerdil? habis apa salahnya aku pendek? haaa. dorg tak caye yg dulu aku pernah tinggi. konon aku cam desperate nak tipu. hello??

aku rase aku tau asal aku pendek skg. sbb aku membesar terlampau cpt, time budak2 lagi. so skg turn korg lak meninggi, i've been there, done that... hahah. mungkin jugak sbb dulu aku tak bersyukur. dah tinggi nak pendek, haih. so pleaseee jgn merungut, allah dah buat tu accept jelaa. org kate, be careful of what u wish for :)

Books. My addiction.

Harry potter! Ada org fikir bodoh gila suka harry potter, what the hell? I dare them to read the books and they'll be eating their words. Kau taknak bab gelap2, sedih2, gelak2, bab romantik pon ada. macam-macam ada lah.

aku suke jugak lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events. Pasal 3 orphans yg hidup tak pernah senang. Teach me a lot about life. as well as chicken soup for the soul series. Real life, real stories. And banyak lagilaa. nak cerita satu2 mmg takkan habis.

The other day I had 7 books in my hand. I sat cross-legged on the carpet in the bookstore, and began to make points. Finally, I bought 3 books about life problems. Yang love, what will the book teach me? How to flirt with guys? mmg best utk dibaca, cuma mcm tak bawak ke mana pun kecuali ke awang-awangan. Tgklah next time, maybe I'll go home with that kind of books. 

Books can make me cry badly like the sad events are real. Once I read the sentences, I'm drowning in the new world. I can imagine how the characters utter their dialogs, I feel what they feel. It's amazing how words can create a new feeling and experience u never feel before. And that's the magic of reading.

Motion picture.

Harry potter, again. Mmg movies dia mcm apa entah sbb tak ikut buku sgt, still I'm a loyal DHF. And of all romance movies, I fancy Love Actually the most. Eh aku layan semualah senang cite.

utk tv, I'm a fan of Heroes, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Friends, Greys anatomy.. ok masih semua aku tengok. org kate tah pape tgk Heroes pasal super power yang mengarut semua, ahh kau tak hayati jangan byk bunyi. message and storyline Heroes best, terutama the love between the brothers. Friends, sgt sgt sgt best. best kan kalau kite ade a group of friends camtu? badly, we don't direct our lives, like they do the show.

movies can make me cry, too. Ke mmg aku yg sensitif? Tak kesahlaa, yg penting if we feel the pain of others, it means we aren't some ego cruel-hearted people. At least I'm a human being.

Besar nanti saya nak jadi…

Kalau dulu kecik2, confident je bila org tanye cita2. Tp makin besar makin confuse. Taulah baru 14, but since I'm a person who'll die without a good feature, that issue should be considered

I have this passion for writing, making up sayings, and creating a whole new story. But competitions are soaring. Can I make it? Or will they throw my books to the last shelf in the store? Unless I can make a change, be someone like JK Rowling  or Jane Austen. I also write poetries, which is a good way to release emotions in the form of sentences. 

Aku bagitau family aku pasal nak masuk kelas sastera time form 4 and guess what? They actually laughed. They want me to take science, which will be an exciting experience and a way to a bright future. But I happen to not want to head that way. Orang fikir kelas sastera hanya utk budak2 yg tak layak masuk sains. Bukan ni pilihan kita ke? But I always know I'll end up in science anyway. 

Back to the topic, I want to have a job that will satisfy me, say working with people, understanding their problems, knowing that it is not just me and the way I think that exist in this world. Taknaklah kerja menaip, meeting, terperuk dalam office or lab tak habis2.

And I have this desire to be a full time housewife, taking care of their lives. I know the journey is way too far before I reach the destination, but we people must live on plans, don't we?

Friends. I'll be there for you.

Sometimes I think, we become friends because we're schoolmates, or what? Had we meet a little late would i ignore you? Could we even brush our and show faces of dislike? I'm sure it is a fact. If u do not meet them at school or work or anywhere else, u do not befriend the person. We cant befriend a total stranger, right?

I've been thinking, why would friends leave each other when we're apart? Ade yg kata sbb dah tak same skolah, dah tak jumpa, so why continue? Mmg dasar lah.

  

And I don't understand boys. maybe some, maybe all. dorg berkwan utk ape? Because everytime a boy approaches a girl and acts like he wants sincerely, to befriend her, mesti tak lame. I thought I've found my true guy friend, he's not like the others, and what happened? Taktau ape salah, skg kitorg tak contact dah. Bukan ape, cume kawan ngn laki best. kita dpt tgk dunia dari mata dorg. Tapi rasenya tak boleh dibuat best friends. Ada je tak kena. 

Org tak fikir, how certain things upset someone. Knowing one person, getting close to them, and suddenly they leave us, forget us, wow. It's heartbreaking. And I don't need a boyfriend for that.

Budak zaman sekarang.

Banyak mcm dah takde budaya agama. Org dulu pon nakal gak, tapi takdela merempit tempah maut or buat maksiat tambah dosa. Ade yg pakai terdedah sini sana. kalau taknak tutup aurat pun (walaupun sepatutnya tak boleh), jangan promote private parts boleh tak?

And drpd nak mencarut benda tak senonoh, baik maki hamun guna perkataan bodoh dan seangkatan. at least takdelah kau tengking orang guna anggota badan orang lain. Pastu nak goth la, kuda belang la, gelombang macam2 la, menyampah tau tak. Konon ade identiti Identitila sgt kalau satu group pakai sama je. Tak boleh ke jadi diri sendiri? 

Kalau nak ckp psl budak zaman skg, mmg mcm2. nanti tak pasal2 kena blacklist pulak. Aku pon bukan baik sgt. Cuma nak korg tgk dunia ni btul2. 

Nak hayati zaman remaja? go kick some balls, do sleepover, learn to bake with your girls, collect some robots ke. Have a real passion. And media salu tanya, "kita sambut merdeka kali ke berapa". Ade jawab 18, 23, 58, 57.  Mmg tak terkata dah. Hey, maybe aku seorg yg sgt patriotic tp fancy English movies and books semua. At least aku tak pretend to be someone different. Since darah askar mmg mengalir dalam badan, so my loyalty should not be questioned.

Sorry sebab banyak terkasar bahasa. If only this world is still a sanctuary.

My World.

Let's just assume I'm as normal as u are. that I do not wear a mask the second I step outside my bedroom. I want to say "hello, world, here's my story". I want people to know what I've felt, how I see things, and the reasons for whatever I've done. Maybe one day I'll be the best selling author writing about my life. Amin.

Nampaknya korg berjaya melalui blog yg takde motif ni.

So why not drop a cmmnt???

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komen-komen aku letak kat komen seksyen. dah panjang bebeno dah ni.

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years have passed since this entry and these comments were made. the person writing and the people commenting have become someone different if not much, maybe a little today. how about you?


still, some things never change :)