Scandals Of The Year!

tag daripada hazirah berbau menarik, ringkas dan mudah.
dan juga ade unsur mengfemeskan rakan serta diri sendiri.
jadi aku pon menyahut tag tersebut dengan besar hati.

listing down scandals for this year!
okay ini cume scandal sahaje. gossip semate-mate, saje nk menghot kan post. maybe.. erm who knows?

first.
should be me and . . . *looking for someone*
oh tidak. aku tak femes tahun ni. that someone pula sudah berambus dari sekolah, jadi tiada sapa untuk buat aku blushing tahun ini. lagipun pmr pmr.

oh nmpk sgt desperate. bahahah. shut up.

second.
hazirah dan zakwan!
oi. awk tayah nak sentap eh. dah name pon gosip semata. iye ke?

third.
hazirah dan M.
yang ni dalam diam. hoho.

fourth.
hazirah dan EFFAEARR.
dah ade clue di situ. yg ni dah ternyata benar, aku sebagai org first yg dapat detect turut merasa bangga.

fifth.
nawa dan zul!
maen osom bersama, gelak dan berduka, kebahagiaan terpancar di sinar mata zul. dan pantulan spek bagi nawa. muahahah

sixth.
wani dan . . . *the list goes on and on*
haha. waniii waniiii. dah tak spesel dah scandal awak sebab banyak sgt. wewittt. *larikan diriiii

seventh.
melah dan amin.
aku rase amin tak kenal aku pon. lantaklaa, at least aku kenal die untuk bergosip.

eight.
Mosen dan maryam si junior krk.
kena la gak tulis kan, ni yg paling gempak nih. mengikut pandangan aku, aku rase Mosen saje nak hebohkan scandal die sendiri sebab nak femes untuk jawatan PENGERUSI RK 2009.


ok aku tau yg pasal jawatan tu sgt tak logik.

ninth.
batrisyia dan nazrin.
cerita ni aku dgr dalam2 pengakap je. nazrin ade bini nombor dua lah, ape lah. kesahihannya tak dpt dikenal pasti sebab sumbernya agak meragukan. tapi memang ade dengarla jugak. takpela korg, gosip jela dengan kawan2 pengakap korg tu, ketepikan aku. sobsob.

tenth.
iman dan sesape yg masuk kelas kitorg tak kire pompuan atau laki.
budak laki 3cem1 kat mcm siot sikit, sesape je yg masuk kelas kitorg dorg akan jadi anjing menyalak jap dan cakap "iman. . iman. . ."

kalau pompuan boleh tahan lagi, ni yg bila kat laki nak buat jugak tu yg takleh blah tu.
malah, makin tinggi nilai seseorg untuk jadi boyan, makin sesuai dgn iman mengikut pandangan dorg. kasihan iman.



jika diamati ye, dalam list ni semua budak2 kelas aku je. yelaa mari mengfemeskan kelas sendiri, buatpe nak ckp pasal kelas laen kan. except for the ones yg scandal mereka berlainan kelas, terpaksalah ditulis.

dan minta perhatian, keadaan bukan seperti yg anda bace ye. kami budak2 3cem1 tidak pernah melebihi sempadan (kott??? tak ke?) paling tidak pon itu hanyalah perasaan one-sided, syok sendiri sesaje, suke2 mencari orang untuk diusha, suke dalam diam, dan kalaupun gossip itu sebenarnya sesuatu yg betul, kami hanya akan meneruskan berkawan seperti biase.

senang kate, they know, we dont.

setakat ni takdela kelakuan luar dugaan ke ape kan.
mungkin belum lagi.
we'll see.



okk sekian. sesape nak gosip aku sila lah.
aku tengah borink ni.
hikhikhik~

the shelter for tornado; sad books.

why do i read too much books about problems and miseries? for me, the worst the state the character is in, the better it is.

i want to be drifted in the wave of emotions of the character, till i forget my own tornado. i know mine is not as much as a tornado, but since i think its the worst of my life, so i have the right to call it whatever i want. unless i have had something much terrible before this one, so i might think this tornado isn't a tornado after all. i might even think its a breeze of the sea.

and i read that kind of books too, to know about other people's lives. to learn what are they suffering from. to make myself feel better, to make me, whats the word you guys say? 'grateful'.

but i always find something to make me jealous. to make me think i would switch my life with the character. after all, i would be just a fiction character. my life's not real, its created with the flowery words of an infamous author. i would be the author's asset to sell her books. i would be a reason for the readers to cry. i would be sympathized with. i would be understood. the readers will follow my path devotedly, will stand for me, and back me up whenever necessary. i can entertain people if i am a fiction character, and i wouldnt even care where's the ending waits for me. after all, i'm not even real.

but i am the reader who reads the sad novel and who wishes to cry for someone else's problem.

i envy the character, their downs are indeed awful, but even how sucks their life is, it is happy ending that awaits them. whereas my life might be just A LITTLE sucks, but i cant guarantee how my ending goes.

and they always have at least a person to turn to, a shoulder to cry on, a feet where their heads can lay at. at least some one who is really faithful.

for instance, the novel i'm reading now; 'LIFE AS IT COMES'.

the factor for creating the whole story is that the parents of mado were killed in an accident. leaving her with her wild, carefree sister. the biggest problem in this story is that her sister was someone who is, ok, wild. and being wild, pregnancy is something hard to avoid. with patty, her pregnant carefree sister who is the current guardian of mado, the studious genius, what would happen to mado's lives? her sister isnt an evil antagonist, but usually her decisions bring out the worse. and mado's the one who is in charge for her sister's mistake, being the new parent and all.

sounds pity, but hey. as careless and wild as patty is, she's still a fun sister to be with, try so hard to provide a good shelter for her little sister, a joker, and make sure life isnt hard after their parents left them.

not a total loser and a sucker, isnt it?

i hate reading sad books. always something good happens around them.

something good ALWAYS happens around me, yes.
but couldnt it be better?

Flight or Flee.

i dont know where's my home anymore.

a friend of mine once said;
home is where your heart is.

and when i was in mjsc serting, i thought it was too.

but now, i begin to wonder if home is actually
with who your heart is.

its not even a place. its a person.

and can a house be called home, when its where my mama is, but actually its an impersonation of a hell with the fun activity 'fire the person first at the heart, where her soul is'?

i will be called ungrateful for this, but who cares? i know i'm grateful enough. i cant list everything i'm grateful for. its like in the air i breath out every minute. i know i'm grateful. but would you be for something you put much hate into?


cant wait when i reach the age that allows me to have my driving license and a cute small car, and drive away from here.

create my own so called home.

drive into nothingness that will be everything with me in it

unfold my own story

lock others'

try everything to know whats right and whats wrong

leave them.

and bring my mama along.

If I Were The Heroes

let the holiday,
begin.

oh nonono, not for us the third formers, really a great beginning for a holiday tomorrow;
extra classes.

tu boleh tahan lagi. yang paling tak boleh blah, tengoklaa esok 2 jam kelas aku belaja ape awal2 kan. memang 'pembakar semangat'.

semalam episode kedua heroes volume three part two, or easier, the latest episode lah kan. man, it keeps getting better and betterla. dikira dari aspek duniawi, ternyata mereka2 yang tidak menonton heroes memang golongan yg rugi. ahak.

sumpah best, jalan cerita gempak, twisted, macam2 ah. malangnya aku takde kenalan yg boleh bawak mendiskusikan heroes dgn lebih mendalam, kecuali,

mosen.

well man, at least now we have one thing in common. hahah.

who would i be if i were one of heroes' characters???

surely i'll be matt parkman. with all the mind reading and the power to control others' mind,
who wouldnt kan? lagipon its a bit reasonable i think, well because even in real world, some people claim they are the physics or something, just know one's thought by looking at their eyes lah ape lah kan. at least if i tell people, they'd understand. imagine i have power like, can move things with my fingers. there's just no explanation for that. no wrong set of dna, like the explanation in heroes about how they get extraordinary talents.

if i were matt parkman, whoahhh. i will know many things, nothing as important as the truth. know when people despise me, when they hate what i do, when they want me to stop the talking, when they want me to change, etc. and they dont even have to spit it on my face, i dont have to feel mad, they dont have to be blamed, all the happy endings. i can know from the smallest thing like,

'what does he think of me?'

to the biggest dilemma like,

'do i hurt people too much?'

all gonna be answered.

and if i am more focused, i can develop my talent into something more, that is control people's mind, make them believe something, make them obey me, make them see hallucination, trap them in their own web of imagination, so on. i can control teachers' mind, i can make my friends believe my white lies, i can make the ministry of education add extra days for weekend, i can even get into one's mind to know what they are thinking during examinations. hah.

how easy world could be.

or i want to be sylar. despite he is VERY good looking, his talent is priceless.
he knows how things work. give him a broken watch as a beginning, he'll fix it. show him how the robots in the movie transformers come to live, he'll make one. shove to his face an ordinary person with extra ordinary talent, he'll cut the head open and study how the brain works and how to get the same power, LITERALLY. cool eh?

but now he has learn how to perform a power without killing the person, thank god. hate to see that beautiful face do the killing every minute. haha, geli gila.

if only i have his talent, hah. i could be the most talented person in the world!
i want to be super genius? just take the flight to meet bill gates.
i want to be a goody-goody saint? just go to the tahfiz madrasah.
i want to be a medal winner athlete? make arrangement to meet all the world's champions.
i want to be drop dead gorgeous? have the angelic smile of jennifer garner will do.

everything will happen just with the click of my super working brain and with the background noise of a tickling clock to make the scene more dramatic.

one talent i really want that is beyond of my reach even if i were in harry potter or heroes;
is to stop death. not mine, but others'.

Kisah Wanita Solehah

selamat menyambut maulidur rasul :)

semoga baginda kekal menjadi tauladan kepada semua umat islam, kekal menjadi sebutan sehingga ke akhir zaman, dan kekal sebagai zikir yg melekat di bibir, kekasih yg setia di hati.
insyaallah.

insyaallah.
____________________________________________________________

history was created when i, for the first time borrowed a book from my school library. and i wasn't using my own library card thingie, since i never bother to make one. but something was pulling me to borrow this one book, and i even had to pay denda for returning it late.


Peribadi Wanita-Wanita Solehah.

it's A must read. the book is really more than interesting, loaded with moral values and heart warming stories and tear producing tales. maybe its not for you, but it is for me.

i learn many things from the book, and i'm quite sure i wont remember all, like always. i dont know what's gotten into me, always forgetting about islamic things, but remember every bit i read in harry potter. haih. astaghfirullahalazim.

hope it would bring me good someday, whichever way. hope it would soften the heart in me, hard as rock, full of dirt. hope this little knowledge i have of islam would help me clean myself



the longest story is of siti khadijah binti khuwailid.

siti khadijah was on the highest level like no other, because she was the only wife of rasulullah who allah sent his regard to through jibril.

how cool is that.


khadijah had a dream of the sun, it lowered to the ground and entered her house, it was shining so brightly the whole mekah was lighted by it. curious, she asked her uncle, waraqah. according to waraqah, siti khadijah would soon be married to the last prophet of bani hasyim, from the quraisy tribe in mekah. his name was stated in taurat, that is muhammad saw.

since then, khadijah kept waiting for the man to come knocking on her door, and she rejected all the proposes from others. she was known to be from a respected family, wealthy, graceful and beautiful, so of course everyone wanted to marry her.


allah had planned it, the jodoh.


abu thalib was worried of muhammad and thought he should have a job at his age because he would have to marry soon, so a relative named atiqah suggested that muhammad worked with khadijah. hearing the name of muhammad, khadijah asked every detail of him and when she was sure that muhammad was the one waraqah talked about, she hired him straight away.

we can see here how she kept her image clean by not disclosing about her dream to anyone else. meaning, she had known about her future husband, and now the man was her worker, still she hadn't seduced him or whatever, or ask his hand for marriage as soon as possible.


only god knew how she felt at the moment, muhammad finally before her eyes, still she acted as a sensible woman should. what would we do if we were in her shoes?


after rasulullah knew he was employed, he cried thinking of his fate.
but he hid it, till not a soul knew about his deep sadness but the malaikat, all of them.

then nabi muhammad had to follow khadijah's other employees to do business in syam, and once again he cried tears of sadness for his fate after he left his house. again, his deep mourning wasn't heard by anyone but allah and his malaikat. he said (betul2 copy dr buku);


"aduhai nasib! andainya ayahku abdullah masih ada, andainya ibuku aminah masih ada, kiranya mereka menyaksikan nasib anakanda mereka yg miskin lagi yatim piatu ini, lantaran ketiadaan ayah dan ibulah yang membawa aku jadi buruh upahan ke negeri jauh. aku tidak tahu apakah aku masih akan kembali ke negeri ini atau tidak. sesungguhnya, kota mekah inilah tanah tumpah darahku!"


man, it really makes my heart cry for our prophet, and it can be seen clearly from my eyes. rasulullah's life wasn't easy, till he had to mourn over his fate, and think about how things might be different if only his parents were alive.

it was so sad. our nabi was still human, he was basyariatun, were created with feelings and conditions like ordinary people.


according to riwayat, the screaming of his souls made all the malaikat cried along with him.


as the last prophet, only he didnt know it yet, the group with nabi muhammad was covered with a thick cloud along the journey from the sun's oppressive ray, and one rahib (prince, father, whatever u call it) noticed the miracle. it never happened before, a thick cloud on top of a group of people. at the place, cloud was hardly there at all. as a rahib, he knew what it meant, he read the taurat. so the rahib invited the group to a feast, to know more about the man who could possibly be the last prophet.

however, the cloud was still above the camp during the feast. after asking someone, he knew that a man named muhammad wasn't at the feast as his duty was to look over the things. when the rahib invited muhammad himself to the feast, he saw the cloud above the camp started to move, following the man besides him. at that moment, he was sure of who muhammad really was.


after all the rahib's questions were answered, and finally heard the name 'muhammad' from the man himself, he quickly embraced the man, kissed him between the eyebrows, and said

"laa ilaahaa illallaah, muhammadar rasulullah". 


after that, he asked muhammad to show his chest, so that he could see the prove. and it was there, the sign of the last prophet. it doesn't state what it was in the book, so i assume it might be the sign from when nabi's chest was cut open to clean his heart when he was little. wallahualam.

riwayat stated that the rahib converted into islam, even before rasulullah officially received the first wayhu from allah.


with muhammad in the business group, their business succeeded.



while on their journey, it came the day of jewish, the day on which jews celebrated and prayed. muhammad, maisarah (the leader of the group), and abu bakar went into jews' place of praying, and suddenly all the candles in the room... puff, terpadam.

their rahibs did the the reading too, so they knew what it meant. they announced to everyone that a man named muhammad, the last prophet, was there, and he should be captured that instance. so nabi and his friends sneaked out of the place.


before the group returned to mekah, maisarah told muhammad to return alone earlier, to give the report to khadijah. so on his way, allah asked jibril to shorten the earth on muhammad's way, israfil to guard his right, mikhael to guard his left, and the cloud to shelter him from sun ray.


at that moment, khadijah was looking out of her window, and she was surprised to see muhammad from the long distance. she asked her maids, and her maids confirmed it was muhammad. khadijah was really happy, and she said to her maids, should the person really was muhammad al-amin, then she would free them all.


after reporting, muhammad went home. abu thalib asked about the payment, and when nabi said he didn't receive it yer, he was told to get it right away for they were really in need of money, and to find a bride for muhammad.


he went to khadijah's again. humbly and honestly, he told her why he was there again, and looking down with embarassment. khadijah was charmed by his honesty, but said the payment wasn't much, and wouldn't be able to cover his need. then khadijah said, she could help looking for a wife for muhammad.


she described the woman, but never once muhammad said anything. he then left just like that.


when abu thalib and tiqah heard about that, they were very offended and thought khadijah purposely wanted to humiliate their family. atiqah confronted khadijah. khadijah was shocked, and finally had to tell the truth.


the woman she was talking about was herself, and if muhammad didnt accept her, she would not be married forever.


allah had opened his heart to love khadijah, although he never thought of the proposal.

people reminded her that muhammad was poor, but khadijah said

"kalau dia tidak berharta, aku mempunyai cukup harta untuknya. aku tidak memerlukan hartanya"


on the day of their marriage, khadhijah gave muhammad all of her possessions.


firman allah, surah adh-dhuhaa ayat 8;

"dan dia (allah) mendapatimu sebagai seorang yg kekurangan, lalu dia memberikan kekayaan"

insyaallah.



another little bit of rasulullah's another wife, siti aisyah.


in his heart, siti aisyah was the most special one. she had been on the highest level in rasulullah's heart like no other.

a riwayat stated;

"cinta pertama yg terjadi di dalam islam, agama yang rasmi adalah cintanya rasulullah saw kepada siti aisyah ra"


of course, rasulullah's other wives felt a strong kind of jealousy towards siti aisyah, but they still rspected her. and ummu salamah once said;




"demi allah, dia (siti aisyah) adalah manusia yg paling baginda cintai selain ayahnya (abu bakar, sahabat rasulullah)"


during rasulullah's deathbed moment, he wished to be in siti aisyah's house. and he also met his death there, and was buried there, before it happened, siti aisyah onced dreamed about 3 moons that landed in her room. her father, abu bakar said that it meant three most honourable and respected people on earth would be buried inside her house.

and it was true, her father abu bakar as siddiq and umar ibnu khattab were also buried in her house, along with rasulullah saw.


siti aisyah, siti khadijah, and other wanita solehah in the book were lucky to have such qualities in them. qualities that make u envy them, question why weren't u the one who gets to live during rasulullah's time, as para sahabat, why weren't u the one who has the goodness in you, why can't u be just as good as they were, and why were u the one who was born in these modern days drowning in sins and has to struggle so hard?


i just hope we can be as good as possible, it's okay if we can't be exactly like them, but if we succeed, so the better.


insyaallah :)

Its More to Me Than Being Anak Emak

i just read a blog, a blog which i have interest in the owner.

its not the 'interest', only that i love to read the writing, the thinking. the owner, i think, has a very interesting mind, creative thinking. the writing is a bit cliche, with all the long-unnecessary example here and there, really writes the way mat sallehs do. but i know it comes from the owner itself, not that the person is copying others. though the writing is cliche, but maybe its just the way the blogger writes, and i like it.

the blogger usually writes about the latest issues, obviously he (yes, u got me) looks it up on the net, with all the information and knowledge. still he use his time on searching something useful, unlike the rest of us. and he doesnt copy every single word, he writes in his own matured teenage writing. i dont know much about this man, maybe he still acts like a moron with his friends, but he's a good blogger.

he blogs about real things, and sometimes about a total nonsense.

as far as i remember, not once i met or knew personally a person in the form of a man who has that kind of mind. he might not be one in a million, but he is an exceptional in my case.

according to what he writes (i cant find a reason for him to lie in a hardly famous blog), i can sense he has the materials that i dont usually find in boys. ok surely he is still a moron for being a boy, but he has the qualitylah kot.

listening to this kind of music, thinking about the world in some ways, being a weirdo so he says, does things others usually dont, so on. i cant list it here, i might be caught. heheh.

it would be really nice to have the chance to meet him in person. get him into a deeper conversation. haha. writing like i'm hooked up. no, no. i'm just admiring the WRITING. u know how a perfectionist and an enthusiast i am when it comes to arrangement of words.

badly, knowing his location now, and realizing the type of man he is, i can barely get the chance to talk to him, nevermind befriend him. i can even say i dont have a friend like him, baek laki mahupun perempuan.

his blog is not to compete with other top blogs, i think he writes just to have something to do during free time, but its his personality. i even sure he never thought his personality could make someone stalk his ordinary blog day by day.

gosh, u guys must think i've been hit by a lovebug or something. serious ah, its nothing like that.

just admiring the writing of a teenage boy who expresses himself like i never knew before.

__________________________________________________________________

tadi kak anis call. can i say she's my unofficial pet sister? like i do with everyone else i have relationships with? bukanlah aku mempoyo dan ss kan diri di sini, tapi adela kenyataan tersendiri. pada aku tayahlaaa nak ber pet pet sini sana, its the bond that matters, not the tittle.

sembang, sembang, sembang.

then we arrived at a topic called study;

kak anis; amalina camne? belajar ok?

aku ; alhamdulillah semua ok je kot. lagipon baru blaja dlm 4 chapter je semua subject, taktaula camne lagi.

kak anis; ohh. maths camne?

aku ; ok je.

kak anis; science?

aku ; alhamdulillah ok. kenape?

kak anis; amalina da blaja reproduction?

aku ; *tergelak* apela akak ni. belum. asal asal?? (i never expect any behaviour like this from her)

kak anis; haha, takdelaa. dulu reproduction yg akak paling skor tau!

aku ; *gelak lagi* hah?? saje je akak ni. camne lak?

kak anis; tah. sebab kite mmg dah tau. tapayah nak faham2, nak hafal2. bila blaja je terus masuk otak pastu melekat.

aku ; *sambung gelak*

persoalan; adekah kak anis juga seorang budak pompuan yg biase2 je sebelum masuk mrsm serting? adekah die dulu macam aku? adekah mrsm yg membentuk die menjadi seorg yg alim?

ke aku yg double meaning?

hahah.

then we arrived at the topic i least want to think about, but which i know i have to. would i go to mrsm or sbp after pmr? that, of course with a good result lah kan. insyaallah.

the more time flies, the colder i get. not because of pmr, its not one thing i dread most. in fact, i might want pmr asap because the longer i hold on, the worse i sale my ship. yes i want it to end quickly, despite the fact i am not ready AT ALL for pmr.

i dread the time when i have to choose, for real, and not as a plan,

whether i stay or i leave.

i'm afraid of that most.

u can say i'm a coward, such a anak mak tido bawah ketiak blablabla. i dont care. because i know, reasons like that wont affect me at all, compared with the real reasons why i'm so not a fan of asrama now. its not just my dark memories while living in serting, its SO MUCH MORE.

i have my own reasons, my own kept stories, that maybe beyond your expectation or accusation, that of course, the ones that wont be told.

i dread the day that i maybe step onto a brilliant stone, without knowing i unconsciously jump into the black hole.

nauzubillah.

Membebel dan EMO?

bila bukak mulut dan bercakap, aku akan dikatakan bebel membebel.

macam maknenek. haduhh pedass.

dan orang akan ckp aku emo bila complain pasal ni.
memang ar aku emo, so what?

bukannya setiap mase org ckp aku bebel aku akan emo. ade sesetengah mase je. contohnya, bila aku rase aku tgh menasihat atau meluahkan perasaan, maka aku akan dikatakan merungut, bebel, blabla. aku agak macam, TERKENA lah, tapi aku rase aku tak emo pon bila org tegur aku camtu. bila aku senyap, tak semestinya aku merajuk or bangangkan diri.

tapi mungkin aku tgh berfikir, atau sumpah seranah dlm hati. jadi aku tanak arh bukak mulut, kang terkeluar semua lak. bila aku senyap, org kate aku emo. bila aku bising, org kate aku bebel. dah obvious sgt dah bebel tu aset aku.

kang satu hari aku takde, baru org nak rase kehilangan.
time tu aku akan ckp ngn konfiden
"its your loss".

tolongla bezakan antara EMO dan MELUAHKAN PERASAAN atau BERCERITA. kalau dah ejaan pon sgt berlainan, ini kan pula maksud.

fine, memang aku suke bebel pon. kadang2 aku tak boleh duduk dlm situasi yg semuanya senyap. kadang2 akula yg akan start conversation. aku boleh jadi pendiam bila aku rase perlu, dan aku boleh jadi pembising bila aku rase perlu.

bnda2 tak penting pon aku ckp, dan aku tau kadang2 org tak dgr. kalau tula org maksudkan dgn aku 'membebel', aku tak kesah pon. serious. tp jgnla ckp aku membebel bila aku tgh ckp sesuatu yg aku rase penting, dan korg kena dengar. on second thought, maybe siang2 lagi korg kena ckp "amalina, awk dah bebel melampaui batas pendengaran kami, sila berhenti".

jgnla dlm diam korg ingat aku bebel, dan dengar jela. aku bukan marah pon bila org ckp aku bebel. cume kdg2 mcm, terfikir balik la kan.

cume biasenya aku akan terus berckp bila org mcm tak dengar, tak respon, dan taknak bertindak mengikut saranan aku. aku nak EMPHASIZE kan.

tapi JGNLAH RAGU2 UNTUK SURUH AKU BERHENTI BERCAKAP. DAN KALAU AKU TERUS SENYAP, BUKANNYA AKU EMO SGT PON. CUME DGR CKP ORG DAN CUBA UTK TAK BUAT BISING JE.

ape yg org biasenya dgr drpd akukan, hanyalah bnda2 ringan2, kecik2,
yg aku saje besarkan.

korg nak dengar ape yg paling aku
TAKUT?
RISAU?
MENYESAL?

memang tak dpt arh. kalau aku ckp aku takut aku tak dpt 8a, tu bukanlah bnda yg paling aku takutkan. kalau aku ckp aku risau scandal angan2 aku suke org laen, lagila bukan bnda yg paling aku risaukan,. bila fikir sebenarnya nak gelak pon ade. bila aku ckp aku menyesal putuskan hubungan kawan dgn si tutt, tu bukanlah bnda yg aku paling menyesalkan jugak.

percaya ar. korg nak dgr betul2 pasal aku? korg takkan tahan. aku bebel pasal bnda2, masalah2 aku yg kecik pon aku dah memborinkkan korg, nikan plak yg besar. sebab tu aku jarang bukak cerita pape. aku byk bebel bnda tak perlu je.

aku rase kalau aku bukak pon, org mcm tanak dengar. mcm dorg dlm diam tgh ade cerita sendiri, dan nak bukak cerita dorg. jadi aku sebagai a good listener, aku salunya simpan kisah aku, dan dengar kisah org, walau cliche mcmane pon. aku tetap akan kasi respon.

kenapa aku salu tetap mendengar walaupun aku dah borink? sebab aku nak org dengar cerita aku. aku taknak la bila aku tengah bercerita, org tu buat2 dengar je. aku nak die dengar, faham, dan selamilahkan. thats why aku buat mcm tu kat org, konon nak org buat bnda yg same kat aku. malangnya kadang2 bila aku dah start bukak mulut, laen lak jadi. yela, aku bukan salu ckp pasal bnda2 serious or masalah, tapi bila dah terkeluar sikit, aku memang akan bebel bepanjangan. dah lame sgt pendamkan, last2 meletup ah.

bila aku dah meletup dlm bentuk perkataan, tiba2 aku mcm dpt menghidu aura borink. maka aku pon samade lagi nak menyakitkan hati org dan aku teruskan bebelan, atau aku senyap terus.

aku tak faham asal.
aku selalu dengar orang.
orang tak selalu dengar aku.

i just want a person who can listen to me, not only he/she hears, and pay undivided attention, respond, feel the way i feel, think the way i do, really care about the nonsense i'm talking about, who takes each word from me as something so important,
and one who can listen like no other.

tolonglah. kalau aku takleh jumpe org mcm ni dlm 15 tahun aku hidup, memang sangat mengguris hati kalau aku tak kawen dengan org yg ade material pendengar yg baek mcm di atas.