I Just Don't Want To Hurt Anybody

My problem is i don't want to hurt anybody. 

I don't want to hurt them when they know i don't like them. I don't want to hurt them when they are the ones who don't like me. I don't want to hurt them with harsh words. i don't want to hurt them with the bitter truth disguised in kind words. I don't want to hurt them when they know i'm the one who's hurt by their words. I don't want to hurt them if they know they hurt me and then feel guilty. i don't want to hurt them even if i hurt them because they deserve it. I don't want to hurt them if they know i don't trust them. I don't want to hurt them if they know i know they don't trust me. I don't want to hurt them by hurting them. I don't want to hurt them when they are the ones who hurt me.

I just don't want to hurt anybody and i just realized that. i just realized tonight that i better not get attached because i don't want to hurt people. when i hurt people, i hurt myself. when people hurt me, i hurt myself. what the eff is up with me. i just realized that having people to love means having people to hurt, in any way possible, and it sucks. it's either they hurt me, or i hurt them, or better yet we hurt each other. i try not to hurt anyone but sometimes i still do. tonight i just realized many things, one of them being how i suck at taking care of people's heart, and my own. that other people can hate me or hurt me, and i still blame it on myself. 

it has come to the point where it's just "that's all"

i always read about this, and i found it cliche. i found it ridiculous. for someone who keeps secrets, i let my wall down for the sake of friendship. i'm not another corny, misunderstood, bitchy heroine who's actually deep. i'm not someone who pushes people away. i'm not someone who doesn't build bridges. but tonight i think, maybe it's better that way.

It takes a lot for me to hurt somebody and not hurt myself at the same time. If I knowingly hurt you and i don't even feel guilty, then you must really deserve it. I don't want to hurt anybody maybe because i know how it's like to be hurt, or because i'm just bloody stupid. 

When they don't even care. But what if they do? Then i'll hurt them too. and i don't want that.

Just as how i don't want to be hurt, that's how much i don't want to hurt anybody. if i do, i'm so sorry.