UKKM, aku paling kesah.

if you are thinking i've already studied for MRSM's UKKM thing which is for another 3 weeks,
like seriously who are you kidding?

the biggest mistake is i chose MRSM Taiping in that application form.
*this is the part where you swear and curse with all your heart*

okay, maybe the facts that Maresmart (MRSM Taiping) only accept highly intelligent students and to be enrolled in it is not a child play matter are pretty obvious, so i wont say more. i

ts not like i really want to go there, its not like i really want to go anywhere, generally. but i've spent about a week doing my quest of investigating how Maresmart really works. i mean not the boring school board or the outside classroom activities crap which i couldnt care less, but i specifically googled other people's experience of staying in the MRSM.

here are some links of the blogs which have been my reference for this matter.

a girl currently a Maresmart's student.
a guy describing how REMARKABLY different MRSM dulu2 and present MRSM.
a boy listing down the strict life of Maresmart.
a blog dicussing the pros and contras of leaving for MRSM or to stick with their current school, AL-AMIN. kalau aku AL-AMIN aku takkan pergi mana-mana dah.

boy do i hate Maresmart. the place i could never imagine living in it. the rules are ridiculously strict enough to make you suffer mental breakdown and the tight schedule is only formed for a robotic life. and and and, the commitment and enthusiasm of the freak geeky students who study for every hour of the day are really absurd. no one can live like that.

at least i cant. its okay for some of you who know what you want and studying hard is never aproblem. but for me, its a big no. evendo all of you think that i'm a nerd and i like to study and i live for studying, i never am, never do and never will be. you are just some shallow folks who poorly misjudge me based on my results.

i hate to study, i cant wait to finish a degree, and i am not that person who will suffer for Ph.D. even thinking about studying for UKKM tortures me.

life is so much more than getting straight As. and i admit achieving straight As is hell an important thing in everyone's life at this stage. but for you to be locked up in a placed hardly called 'tempat kediaman' as we learn in KHB, is just too much.

being in asrama for one thing, indeed forms a strong bond between peers like no other. if you say you have best friends here, when you live in asrama you might want to change that idea. because in asrama, you make great friends and bad enemies. they are all around you, whether you like it or not. if you hate them, you feel it deep into your root, your root of living. if you love them, you cant love them more. its the beauty of being in asrama.

but only if you are in the right boarding school for you, the best in the term of connecting with people around you. but if you are in a boarding school which resembles a worldly hell, than the only thing you will feel is rage and hate and despair.

that's the price you have to take. gamble your fate.

i want to write about why is it i dont want to live in asrama anymore, despite the benefits i know i will get. dont be an idiot and tell them on my face, hello I'VE BEEN IN ASRAMA MY BROTHERS WERE IN ASRAMA I BLOODY KNOW THE ADVANTAGES, thank you.

but some things can scarcely be formed into sentences. the home aspect, the traumatic experience, the many things you might think you know, but do think again. you dont know. if i start digging up the whys, this post will end up being a very emotional one and no soul can ever understand.

so in a nutshell, i'm not going to study like the world ends tomorrow for that UKKM thing. it hard to comprehend why some people really take something like this seriously. its 3 weeks away dudes, chill. and i know if i perform really well in UKKM, there is a chance that i might be accepted in MRSM Taiping, the last place sane people like me would want to go.

i really cant live with that possibility. to save myself from being in any PKP MRSM thus destroying my social life, i want to do moderately in UKKM, and if fates say it then i will bid my farewell.