Friends, my cure. and Aisyah, i wish i were you.

i havent studied yet. maybe because i just dont want to. or because i do but i'm just a super lazy blahblah. or because i sit in front of the pc when actually i've got nothing to surf.

i read syahirah aisyah's blog. and i feel a lot of emotions.

i remember our times back in sklk. i remember how closed i was to almost everyone, eventhough they're not the whatevers. i remember how different they were before knowing hi schl. i feel so sad, and so mixed up. she reminds me of how great we were dancing on malam nostalgia, how 'famous' and gedik we were with the whatevers. now the old pictures are cleared. back to the memory.

to these fellows, i know our time had passed. and i know we cant be what we were. as she said, people move on. some people even forget their once precious friends. but i'm not them.

syahirah aisyah, nasuha nadira, maisarah syukri, nadhirah, farah elina, taryardar, nadia azhar, aziathul aisyah, hakimi, kai-zen, ikmal iskandar, syamil zafran, amir izuddin, wan nor hafiz ashman, sharif, maisarah amran, alia haseena, afiq ikhwan, maria shalina, nabila zaimi, madihah, ain nadhirah, firdaus jasman and his baka friends, i cant believe i miss u guys and many others you know who you are,

i just want to say you've been part of my life. and that's something. u might forget what we had, and that hurts, but knowing that i have the memories is just enough. i remember even the smallest thing we had together.

i'm so jealous. she had this rocking life in mjsc, and i've had the total opposite. maybe i just cant handle it the way she did. with all the backstabbing and badmouths and people thinking i was a bitch, and being hurt all the time and not having a real friend and sometimes eating alone and ohh so hell, the dream once i yearned turned to a nightmare.

i remember i once cried thinking how could my life change so fast? less than a year before i was this total opposite human girl, and now i'm suffering and having no friends.

whereas, aisyah is having the best moment one could have. she has her girls, doing stuffs so daringly and, things i want to have. they are this group of beautiful girls, they have each other, they talk they sleep they eat they cry they laugh TOGETHER. i think what she has is perfect. the one i want. she's pretty she's clever she's everything. most of all, she IS IN MJSC.

reading the times she's having and the experience of being hated but still rocking the world is just another reason to be envious. i wished i am with her, listening to her problems and revealing mine, and that is enough. i'm tired of keeping everything alone and i need someone who has things bothering them to listen to my story. i cant tell my story to perfect happy people, its just wrongg.

aisyah, i would change anything to have what u have, and i want to be the shoulder u cry on, and i want to be the part of the great life u're having in mjsc, but i cant.

so i just stay here,  


live my own life.

the examinations part 1

okay this time memang akuu jatuh kebabomlah!
ya allah. serious.

faktor ;
competition.
tak cukup belajar.
tak cukup doa.
lalai leka tak peka tak alert whatever.
ketentuan illahi ;(

i STILL hope that i can reach my target. but not hoping too much lah. because the more u care the more u'll have to loose bak kate harry potter dalam harry potter and the order of the phoenix versi movie. adoi. but not hoping jugak is a sign of defeat kan? and i do believe to succeed is to be confident. nak confident ape nya kalau nasi dah jadi bubur.

okay bawah ni conclusion for each paper i've taken so far :

Bahasa Melayu ;
i've screwed it. definitely. kertas 2, ya allah tak semena2 masuk latar tempat, gila unexpected. ingatkan nilai ke tema ke, latar tempat????!!!! say i've got punk'd. where are u ashton????? memang teruklah. dalaa ade tempat tu aku siap salah tulis event lagi. suka hati je. memang tak bace langsung weh! so ingat2 jelaa yg belajar awal tahun dulu. adoiiii :(

pastu ucapan, i think the beginning is fine, banyak plak idea datang. tapi bila da sampai page dua, idea ade lagi nih. tapi ngn bodohnya, aku sbb malas bleh plak tak gi amek kertas. budusss.
so 2 page jelah. haritu adelaa buat latihan ucapan sebijik mcm soalan, and aku bwat 3 page. still dapat 32/40. ni aku bwat 2 page je. dapat predict dah markah berapa --"

and kertas 1?? takyah cakap. 4 salah. EMPAT WEH! cgu ckp maximum pon lima je! tu yg dah tau, yg belum tau? gilelaa aku kali ni. tau tak asal aku tensyen sgt??? sbb ni mcm first time tahun ni aku blaja bm gila weh. buat latihan sampai nak abes dah buku tebal tu, pastu bace balik latihan dulu, menghafal peraturanlah apelah bile menulis. tapi yg kuar pasal tu semua senang2. yang susah plakk memang aku tak pnah terfikir nak blaja.

pleaselaa i want the A so badly. but whatever markah aku dapat, aku takkan nanges mcm haritu sebab kalini aku dpt expect aku teruk, and aku tak bwat karangan terpesong. heheh. cool mann.

Bahasa Inggeris ;
so much better than bm. alhamdulillah. and when writing the speech, the ideas came floating out of the blue. i just hope that i made no grammatical error, and no silly mistakes. but if i get low marks because teacher isn't satisfied, i might kill.

the summary. 5 minutes left, and just then i realized i hadnt included the main point. so the scribbles were everywhere, i hope teacher doenst mind. and 3 minutes left, and again i realized the same mistake i did. but there was no time to undo. so conclusionnya markah summary mesti rendah. and for the phantom, keluar soalan yg tak pernah dibuat or bace. so i just go with my instictlah, as always. please ya allah, give me high marks for english so that it can cover my horribble bm =(


after this :

mahu belajar matematik sebab matematik aku hampeh. aku tau bnda yg da kuar peksa je, mcm biasela. so ade mcm 1 volume buku text tu tak paham2.

teruk aku kali ni. tujuan menulis post ni ialah aku taknak korg buat muke terperanjat beruk nanti bila tau markah aku nanti. ok? buat cool je. ye?

False Facts, i may say.

ini dicopy from syiraroslan.blogspot.com
agakk tipu ahh. susah nak caye. so me. hakhak.
tapi mcm best. so aku paste lah di sini :)

p/s : blog aisyah banyakkk remind pasal sklk ohh. sweet memories btol ;)
and her english is amzing, which will make u guys stop praising me :( haha
and bawah ni yg part girl agak benarlah, yg part laki tu, na-ah

Girl Facts

When a girl is mean to you after breaking up,
she wants you back,
but she is too scared she'll get hurt
and knows that you're gone forever

when you catch a girl glancing at you,
she wants you to look back and smile

When a girl bumps into your hands while shes walking with you
she wants you to hold her hand back

When she wants a hug
she will just stand there and look at you

When you break a girls heart
she still feels it even after you run into each other 3 years later

When a girl is quiet,
millions of thoughts running through her mind...

When a girl is not arguing back,
she is thinking deeply

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering how long will you be around

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she doesn't really mean it

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering why are you playing games

When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing that you would be hers forever

When a girl says she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are ONE

When a girl says, "I miss you"
there's no one in this world can ever miss you more than she does


Guy Facts

When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
he's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
he realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine" after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes that you would care for him and wonders if you really do

When you lay your head on a guy's chest,
he has the world

When a guy calls/texts/comments/messages you everyday,
he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you that he loves you,
he really means it

When a guy says he can't live without you,
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else


The truth about guys
Category: Life

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.


2) Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.


3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.


4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.


5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.


6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.


7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.


8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.


10) If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.


11) If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something.


12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.


13) When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me".


14) If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.


15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking of something.


16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.


17) A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.


18) No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.


19) NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them.

20) WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.


21) Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.

exam : the consequences maybe severe

sorry for the last post for being pretty emo. but what will u do if u u're in my shoes?? terlompat2 keriangan? tipu --" speaking of this shoes saying, i want to quote something from the Friends series :

chandler : i mean she's joey's ex, man!

ross : actually he's afraid he cant fit in his shoes (looking sarcastic)

chandler : no. i'm afraid i cant make love better than he did

ross : (laughed and confused) i was going for the metaphor

chandler : i was using the actual word.

made my day :D

sekarang, wow lots and lots and lots are happening! uish. tapi ni semua mcm perencah je. nanti bile dah masuk dlm perut, dah enjoy jap, kite pun lupe rase2 tu semua. and perencah2 tu pun da dikisar ke tempat sepatutnya.

for me, better having a boring life than having an exciting moment and then

the moment disappears. kan? never knows how it feels, never cares. senang hidup.

i'm rolling down from my mountain resort man. real down. kali ni serious. serious. mane taknya, aku tak blajaaa sekuat mane. and kali ni bila result aku dah menurun, mesti org pk ape en. dahla mid year haritu pun turun sikit org da kecoh.

budak2 laki da cakap :

"amalina mesti rase cam nak bunuh diri"

palotakkk kau!

sebenarnya neither my family nor i care THAT much pasal result. as long as i'm in the top ten, okaylaaa. ni ade sesetengah pihak tu yg mcm

"haaa? aku xcaye markah kau camni"

"camne kau boleh menurun?"

"mesti kau belajar gilaa kan kat rumah"

tersengeh2 cam kerang busuk.

so when u have been on the top at least once, u tend to want it again, paham???

kalau tak b4 ni, i didn't care much about exam. asalkan tak c, tak number berganda sudah.

i hate human's reaction towards something like this.

when u have it, u want it more. u never rest. and that's when u worry too much.

i dont want to worry to much :( but now i do.

anyway, since sekarang musim peperiksaan yg keputusannya akan dinilai oleh sedare mara, sahabat handai dan jiran tetangga serta guru semua, aku ingin mengucapkan selamat berjaya!

Raya Bersama Rakan 2008

ahad. beraya.
destinations ;

1. farabi's
2. izzati's
3. nawa's
4. faten's
5. kembar's
6. mine =)

kat umah farabi, perghhh. budak laki kelas kitorg gilaaa boring. bknlaa nak kutuk, tp dorg tu segan sgt. time budak pompuan ade, dorg dok lam bilik. bukannye sorg dua, ramai wehh. smpi nak tgkp gambar pon taknak. cube la malu tu bertempat sikit.

pastu mmg penatlaa berjalan. daa la asek melantak je, mmg senak.

anyway, the pictures of our 'trip' are included here.

at FARABI's
(farabi menghilang, semua budak laki pemalu menyorok dalam bilik)

at NAWA's


admiring the tree



at MY HOUSE

admiring the actor

pictures of common yet
happy memories

for me :D

Heroes volume three on Nov 6!!!

are u a devoted fan of heroes???
no? pity. go learn to watch it.
yes? ok i know now we are twin not from the same womb.
OMAIGOD.
HEROES VOLUME THREE is coming up this NOV 6!!!!!!
And the worst, or best thing, is,
i've read too much spoilers.
git malaysia! Other countries have already watched it halfway and we only get a glimpse of it???
My brother in New Zealand is laughing knowing I know zero about the latest volume!

GIT! omaigod. u cant believe this. i know i cant.
heroes bacome villains, villains become heroes.
almost everyone turns bad. peter. hero. mohinder. and clair somehow turns stupid.
who could possibly guess that sylar will be an angel? well, almost.
and, sylar HAS A SON???? he's a killer! but he's hot, ok whatever.
and peter, the konon plg noble hero becomes the next sylar? with all the slicing heads???
and the best, NATHAN-PETER-SYLAR are SIBLINGS. oh well. i wonder where their latin faces came from. And they are a VERY GOOD BREED. omaigod.

i'm shocked to death here watching all the cmmnts and reviews.
i'm thrilled. i'm almost crying with excitement. my my, HEROES VOLUME THREE, the best series u could ever watch and, the most shocking one! plus, nathan is alive, as expected. i wasted my tear lah. oh well, oh well.
HEROES HEROES HEROES!!!

Some may say, watching heroes is like having no sense because it is sci-fic.
Wehh, aku nak tanye skang mane lagi kau tgk org terbang2, regenerate sme ahh????
And, HEROES aren’t all about superpowers, there so much the others than the tittle.
HEROES could be the best sci-fic everlah. Gila twisted cite tu.

If I ever live in US, I would run towards the set passionately and becoming part of the production, even be a dish cleaner will make me cry with gratefulness :D

The Hero. The Death.

i wish a hero would come to save me

please please rescue me

take me out from this mess

i wish the hero would make me feel safe

provide me a place to rest

 i wish the hero would protect me

i wish the hero would create a new world,

a new life for me

i wish the hero would show me what fairytale is

how fairytale feels

and prove that it exists

only it is waiting to be discovered

only it is hiding somewhere

so that when i ran from this life

i'll find it behind a beehive

where we must take the risk

to have a final peace

which the fairytale promises

my life would be different

that this moment is just a challenge

that the world my hero would give me

is the one that i yearn

where my tear changes to silver river

where my fear changes to sunshine

where my sorrow changes to rainbow

where my past would be the last storm

where this mess is just a horrible myth

and that i will open my eyes

and know my life has changed

and know everything is okay

and know that god has mercy

and let me have this dream as reality

after the misery he put me through

and that what they say is true

'behind everything, there is a silver lining'

come please, hurry, my prince charming.

claim : i dont like copy brats and that's why i dont post all my poems here as i hate people claiming my works are theirs and actually this poem is accidentally made because i only wanted to write the usual writing i always do but it turns out that i have more words and a poem it is. if anyone dares to take it without crediting me we'll meet outside hell's gate alright?

wow. tak semestinya prince charming. just, someone who would rescue me and so far i see nobody could. i'm waiting. and that is as if there will ever be one. hmmm. ohh ohh. i have more words!!!

i see a dark pathway leading me

i see a dark cell awaiting me

i see a dark hole before me

i wonder why cant i see the light

why cant i see what's bright

why cant everything be alright?

envy surrounds me

to know some were just born lucky

to see some are just always happy

to feel some just have it easy

why cant i see the good for me?

i know i have the code to break the door

still i feel trapped with the things that i cant change

i've tried to erase the pain

i might appear to have everything that will make u happy

yet there are more things u dont see

why is it always have to be me?

did i do terrible deeds before i was born?

u might thing this is too corny

it might slipped ur thoughts, 
that i have my own story.

claim : i dont like copy brats and that's why i dont post all my poems here as i hate people claiming my works are theirs and this is MY poem and if anyone dares to take it without crediting me we'll meet outside hell's gate alright?

death surrounds me too. this afternoon a neighbour exhaled her last breathe, and passed away obeying her destiny written by GOD which we people, cant do anything about it and this upsets me most. if there is anything like in supernatural where people might be doing business with devils just to have longer life, i might consider it for the sake of others so that the ones i love will stick with me forever and that i'll go first.

why do i even know how to love? its better that i only know how to hate so this world becomes an easy thing to deal with. i hate love love love. in harry potter, it is even stated that love is the most powerful thing in the world. and the first one i learned to love is my mom.

i called the late neighbor maktok asilah. she had 2 granchildren that will take pmr this year and they are in smklk. i said to mama "alah nenek dorg takdela sedih sgt lainla kalau mak dorg". ma ckp, maktok yg bela dorg dr kecik, smpi skg pun dorg salu dtg umah maktok tu. sure sedihkan. if i were the one to hear such news, i would collapse and even if i do open my eyes, i'll close it again hoping that i'll follow her and close my eyes from this world where nothing would ever be the same again.

Pagi b4 die meninggal ni die sempat sebuk basuh kain laa, gi kedai semua. Tiba2 penat semacam, terus nazak. Takde tanda kan. Kalau dah time tu time tu je laa. Rasenye bertuah lagi org yg ade penyakit or kne hukuman mati tu, dorg sempat prepare, and org yg syg dorg pun ready terima kenyataan. Ni, zapp. Gone. Innalillah. Al fatihah untuk maktok ye.

aku tak rapat pun dengan maktok, but i do remember when i was little i often went to her house playing with her granddaughters. even when i was in stndrd 4 i still went there doing craps with them. rase nak nangis bile tau tadi. dah berthn tak jmpe die. gosh why didnt i visit her more?? i dont have special connections or feelings for her, but i feel sad because i'll never see her again. a soul is ripped again from its body.

be strong, tok wan.
i know you'll miss her.
you only eat the chicken soup she'd cooked everyday just for you.
be strong, tok wan.
i know you'll miss her.