Tell yourself that everyday, maybe you'll be okay

I'm being super superficial lately, and i hate it. Sometimes i don't feel good about myself. It used to be i didn't feel good because i judged myself in term of the quality of life i was living and will live, but now it's that AND the quantity of compliments on my look lol. I was a school girl who knew that my friends were pretty and get all the attention and i was fine with it. It's like i accepted i was the lesser one and it made me sad but i was okay. I was never jealous. Or that maybe those kids just couldn't see that i was special and one day someone will come along and appreciate it. I thought that i wouldn't want to be liked for how i looked, at least if they liked me it was because i had substance. i was kinda proud being me even if i was not bombarded wih superficial comments, the very ones that make me question how people value me today. But back then, it was never a concern because i knew just how petty all that was. Now, knowing is not enough. After school i had this phase during which people thought i was worthy of attention at all, but i didn't want their attention. Now, i'm back to feeling lesser compared to my normal human friends, not even celebrities or instafamous whom i have no idea how they got famous in the first place and i think that's ridiculous hence i'm not gonna contribute to the trend and growing fan base. Anyway, I feel lesser, and its worse this time as i lost that self-confidence and i care about what being lesser. But i know if i were to make this statement out loud some would say i was seeking for attention or they would see that i was too bloody insecure. The latter is true. But i don't want them to see me being this pathetic. That knowledge means that i know i am not ugly and i am thankful for how i look, nonetheless i can't shake off the negativity. Now I have the only attention i want and the only one who matters, but oddly i don't find that enough. Maybe because that person is not myself. I can't see myself that way. I'm trying to love myself everyday, trying harder than ever now, when i can feel loved by another without even trying. That's really weird how things take this turn. When i was alone and lonely i didn't feel like this. Goes to show that the number one in your life is you. If you can't change how you feel about yourself, that sucky self-judgement will always find a way to creep in. So change what you need to be at peace with who you are again. Or try to be more accepting. Now, i'm gonna tell myself that i am the lesser girl and not pretend to be something i'm not, so i can have that peace i had when i was in school. Just accept it, and move on. Live and love.