Afraid To Feel

apparently i’m someone who’s afraid to feel, among other things i’ve just discovered recently.

i’m afraid of how much i can feel and how feelings can fade away. of the uncertainty. of fate and failing. of being hurt after being happy. of it not working out. of me not making it work. of it not happening. of something else happening instead.

i’m afraid of attachment. of not being able to live without somebody after a life of solitude. of giving them the power to give me pain. of detachment. of falling apart. of being forced to part for whatever reason.

i’m afraid of caring about another person. of being concerned. of worrying of their well-being. of losing them.

i’m afraid of wanting things. of not getting what i want. of not wanting anything else.

i’m afraid of myself. of not being able to stand it all. of me escaping.

because i don’t want to feel the worst after feeling the best.

apparently i’m someone who’s afraid to feel, among other things, about some things.