Bukan Keretapi Biasa

Kenangan Myspace - Blogging Sebagai Budak 14 Tahun

2012-01-30T20:46:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum. tau tak haritu aku bukak Myspace? hah hah, setelah bertahun ditinggalkan!

Kenapa aku tak delete mespes?

sebab mespes itu kenangan.

mespes itu zaman ketika dan tempat di mana budak-budak baru nak up. tempat aku kenal budak-budak sekolah aku, sekolah lain, senior, junior, tah sape-sape datang dari mana tah pun aku kenal. oh, waktu itu.

mespes tempat mengumpul kawan. tempat semua mesra alam semacam, "u chomeyl, hit me bckx!", main balas-balas comment, balas-balas top friend, oh kenangan.

dekat FB tak camni. betul tak?

aku kat FB jarang tegur orang, kecuali kawan yang memang kawan. dulu orang tegur di mespes kira biasa, tapi sekarang orang tegur di FB mesti cam "apa kau nak hah" dalam hati.

mungkin sebab kat mespes ada privasi. biasanya orang hide comment. takdelah orang lain fikir eh kenapa dia comment orang tu? ada pape ke ni? eh dorang gossip pasal aku! kena stalk ni!

takdelah risau persepsi orang sekeliling... kecuali orang sekeliling kau macam aku dan kawan-kawan aku. spesis stalker. ambik no ID orang yang hide-hide ni, bukak kita punya dan ganti ID kita dengan ID orang tu. tadaaa! terbongkar segala resie. muahahaa!

kat FB semuanya terpampang kat wall, senang keje stalker. sebab itulah orang di FB tak berapa ramah agaknya. kalau tegur dekat wall, macam mesra sangat. nanti orang yang memerhati fikir lain. tegur dekat FB message, macam rapat sangat. nanti orang yang ditegur fikir lain.

aku lagi banyak sembang dekat FB message selain menyelit comment sikit-sikit. kat situlah keluar segala cerita segala rahsia. chat? lolol tak pernah online chat. sebab tu orang ingat aku tak online, padahal FBku terbuka setiap masa.

pada aku FB tempat menambah kenalan. bukan menambah kawan. er saya tak sombong, tapi segan.

Apa dah jadi kat mespes?

jadi lain. lain lah. lain camne? tengok sendiri.

satu perkara yang buat aku frust menonggeng rasa "whyyy? tidak akan aku mengekalkan mespes jika aku tahu akan jadi begini!" iaitu... semua comment dah hilang! apakah? ya, hilang!

kat situ ada kenangan dengan orang yang pernah dan masih rapat, kenangan yang memalukan dan memualkan dicoret oleh diri sendiri yang 5 tahun lebih muda, semua hilang!

tensyen gua.

Blogging as a 14-year-old

tapi ada yang tak hilang... iaitu blog! dulu zaman pra-Keretapi, aku blog sikit-sikit kat mespes. kat situlah minat berblogging timbul. sampai ada yang suruh aku buat akaun blogspot. tsk, tsk, terharu i. dulu kat blog mespes orang baca dan komen, tapi sekarang....... dot dot.

aku nak kongsi penulisan aku masa form 2. ini entry terakhir kat mespes, sebelum aku mula ada ruang sendiri. mari lihat perbezaan dulu dan sekarang!

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Something to talk about - 9.9.08

Dan stimulus sampai, otak pon berfikir and ke hujung jarilah nerve impulse pergi. Blah, blah, blah. This is a total nothing, so kalau taknak bace takyah susah2 ye.

Pasal : semua topic yg dapat difikirkan sekarang ni.

Sekolah.

malas. i admit, school isn't a great place. kedatangan asyik kosong je. pastu org ingat aku ponteng. hoi! tonsel lah. and some oversleeping. and some.. reasons. heheee. SMK Lembah Keramat akan sentiasa menjadi sarang boyan, bak kata org lain. tapi naseb aku KRK, dapat gang satu kepala. takpelah, boyan tak boyan ni gak sekolah aku kan. sayang sayang. cume certain sesi petang je pandang slack kat krk :( sedeh. form 3 nnt kita jumpe gak, so apelah salahnye friendly dr skg. kan?

Asrama. whoaaah.

best. unless u have a problem like i had, u've got no where to run. face it 24 hours 7 days a week. other than that, seronok! aktiviti byk. bakal suami ade harapan utk ade kerja yg best. muahahaaa. tapi memang tak tergambar pengalaman kat sana. bila dah keluar, teringat2 Serting. tapi taknak masuk lglah. people say, when u've already got 3 wishes, u don't ask for more. biarlah aku stuck kat lembah forever, maybe ade silver lining nanti. =D

Options.

sekarang asyik fikir kalau ade rezeki nak tak masuk asrama balik? tapi kalau tak masuk, berjanggutnak tunggu overseas. kawan2 semua nak asrama, and i know hoping that they won't get the offer is a bad thing, tp nanti kalau aku tggl sorg2 camne? :(

form 4 nanti, taknakla masuk asrama lg. i know about all the great advantages, it is just, enough is enough. i don't want to take the risk. the risk is not being homesick. homesick memang lumrah hidup asrama, tak mati pun. ni, the risk yang boleh buat mati jiwa raga mati hati. i have felt how to live in mrsm, and that's good enough.

i know budak gov susah cr makan, nak fly pun tengok boarding school students dulu which is very unfair. biased. expect dak asrama je yg bagus gila, not bothering to pay attention to gov students. hello Ministry of Education, i have some serious issues here. mmg tak adil, yet aku takkan gi asrama lagi. maybe i will, when pigs fly. on a very good day. just pray the best for me eh?

Membantut.

ni fakta bkn auta. time kecik dulu, aku tinggi... betul lah! terlebih tinggi. mase djh 4, time kawad aku dok satu line ngn akak2 djh 6. same tinggi ngn laki, even taller! abg2 aku salu ckp "kau tinggi camni besar nanti takde sape nak kawen ngn kau", "nanti kau bongkok", macam2la. aku pon risau, salu merungut. pastu aku pon taknak tggi. tak bersyukur.

last2 skg... haha. aku jadi bahan orang :( takpe, aku doa korg kawen ngn org kerdil. apa salahnya kawen ngn orang kerdil? habis apa salahnya aku pendek? haaa. dorg tak caye yg dulu aku pernah tinggi. konon aku cam desperate nak tipu. hello??

aku rase aku tau asal aku pendek skg. sbb aku membesar terlampau cpt, time budak2 lagi. so skg turn korg lak meninggi, i've been there, done that... hahah. mungkin jugak sbb dulu aku tak bersyukur. dah tinggi nak pendek, haih. so pleaseee jgn merungut, allah dah buat tu accept jelaa. org kate, be careful of what u wish for :)

Books. My addiction.

Harry potter! Ada org fikir bodoh gila suka harry potter, what the hell? I dare them to read the books and they'll be eating their words. Kau taknak bab gelap2, sedih2, gelak2, bab romantik pon ada. macam-macam ada lah.

aku suke jugak lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events. Pasal 3 orphans yg hidup tak pernah senang. Teach me a lot about life. as well as chicken soup for the soul series. Real life, real stories. And banyak lagilaa. nak cerita satu2 mmg takkan habis.

The other day I had 7 books in my hand. I sat cross-legged on the carpet in the bookstore, and began to make points. Finally, I bought 3 books about life problems. Yang love, what will the book teach me? How to flirt with guys? mmg best utk dibaca, cuma mcm tak bawak ke mana pun kecuali ke awang-awangan. Tgklah next time, maybe I'll go home with that kind of books.

Books can make me cry badly like the sad events are real. Once I read the sentences, I'm drowning in the new world. I can imagine how the characters utter their dialogs, I feel what they feel. It's amazing how words can create a new feeling and experience u never feel before. And that's the magic of reading.

Motion picture.

Harry potter, again. Mmg movies dia mcm apa entah sbb tak ikut buku sgt, still I'm a loyal DHF. And of all romance movies, I fancy Love Actually the most. Eh aku layan semualah senang cite.

utk tv, I'm a fan of Heroes, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Friends, Greys anatomy.. ok masih semua aku tengok. org kate tah pape tgk Heroes pasal super power yang mengarut semua, ahh kau tak hayati jangan byk bunyi. message and storyline Heroes best, terutama the love between the brothers. Friends, sgt sgt sgt best. best kan kalau kite ade a group of friends camtu? badly, we don't direct our lives, like they do the show.

movies can make me cry, too. Ke mmg aku yg sensitif? Tak kesahlaa, yg penting if we feel the pain of others, it means we aren't some ego cruel-hearted people. At least I'm a human being.

Besar nanti saya nak jadi…

Kalau dulu kecik2, confident je bila org tanye cita2. Tp makin besar makin confuse. Taulah baru 14, but since I'm a person who'll die without a good feature, that issue should be considered

I have this passion for writing, making up sayings, and creating a whole new story. But competitions are soaring. Can I make it? Or will they throw my books to the last shelf in the store? Unless I can make a change, be someone like JK Rowling or Jane Austen. I also write poetries, which is a good way to release emotions in the form of sentences.

Aku bagitau family aku pasal nak masuk kelas sastera time form 4 and guess what? They actually laughed. They want me to take science, which will be an exciting experience and a way to a bright future. But I happen to not want to head that way. Orang fikir kelas sastera hanya utk budak2 yg tak layak masuk sains. Bukan ni pilihan kita ke? But I always know I'll end up in science anyway.

Back to the topic, I want to have a job that will satisfy me, say working withpeople, understanding their problems, knowing that it is not just me and the way I think that exist in this world. Taknaklah kerja menaip, meeting, terperuk dalam office or lab tak habis2.

And I have this desire to be a full time housewife, taking care of their lives. I know the journey is way too far before I reach the destination, but we people must live on plans, don't we?

Friends. I'll be there for you.

Sometimes I think, we become friends because we're schoolmates, or what? Had we meet a little late would i ignore you? Could we even brush our and show faces of dislike? I'm sure it is a fact. If u do not meet them at school or work or anywhere else, u do not befriend the person. We cant befriend a total stranger, right?

I've been thinking, why would friends leave each other when we're apart? Ade yg kata sbb dah tak same skolah, dah tak jumpa, so why continue? Mmg dasar lah.

And I don't understand boys. maybe some, maybe all. dorg berkwan utk ape? Because everytime a boy approaches a girl and acts like he wants sincerely, to befriend her, mesti tak lame. I thought I've found my true guy friend, he's not like the others, and what happened? Taktau ape salah, skg kitorg tak contact dah.Bukan ape, cume kawan ngn laki best. kita dpt tgk dunia dari mata dorg. Tapi rasenya tak boleh dibuat best friends. Ada je tak kena.

Org tak fikir, how certain things upset someone. Knowing one person, getting close to them, and suddenly they leave us, forget us, wow. It's heartbreaking. And I don't need a boyfriend for that.

Budak zaman sekarang.

Banyak mcm dah takde budaya agama. Org dulu pon nakal gak, tapi takdela merempit tempah maut or buat maksiat tambah dosa. Ade yg pakai terdedah sini sana. kalau taknak tutup aurat pun (walaupun sepatutnya tak boleh), jangan promote private parts boleh tak?

And drpd nak mencarut benda tak senonoh, baik maki hamun guna perkataan bodoh dan seangkatan. at least takdelah kau tengking orang guna anggota badan orang lain. Pastu nak goth la, kuda belang la, gelombang macam2 la, menyampah tau tak. Konon ade identiti Identitila sgt kalau satu group pakaisama je. Tak boleh ke jadi diri sendiri?

Kalau nak ckp psl budak zaman skg, mmg mcm2. nanti tak pasal2 kena blacklist pulak. Aku pon bukan baik sgt. Cuma nak korg tgk dunia ni btul2.

Nak hayati zaman remaja? go kick some balls, do sleepover, learn to bake with your girls, collect some robots ke. Have a real passion. And media salu tanya, "kita sambut merdeka kali ke berapa". Ade jawab 18, 23, 58, 57. Mmg tak terkata dah. Hey, maybe aku seorg yg sgt patriotic tp fancy English movies and books semua. At least aku tak pretend to be someone different. Since darah askar mmg mengalir dalam badan, so my loyalty should not be questioned.

Sorry sebab banyak terkasar bahasa. If only this world is still a sanctuary.

My World.

Let's just assume I'm as normal as u are. that I do not wear a mask the second I step outside my bedroom. I want to say "hello, world, here's my story". I want people to know what I've felt, how I see things, and the reasons for whatever I've done. Maybe one day I'll be the best selling author writing about my life. Amin.

Nampaknya korg berjaya melalui blog yg takde motif ni.

So why not drop a cmmnt???

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komen-komen aku letak kat komen seksyen. dah panjang bebeno dah ni.

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years have passed since this entry and these comments were made. the person writing and the people commenting have become someone different if not much, maybe a little today. how about you?

still, some things never change :)

I Miss Having You, Babah

2012-01-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

A few days ago was my dad's birthday. it was sad, to have spent the day like any other day without any special occasion. well, it's the same thing with my birthday too. but the difference was his birthday was spent without him, only with his memories in our hearts.

memories? to those who didn't know, my father had passed away years ago. surprise, surprise! i don't go around telling people about it as i hate to be sympathized with. my father was gone but that doesn't make me any less than you are, i thought bitterly when i was a kid.

but who was i kidding? it does make a big difference, and i accept the fact as i grow older. but with a more open heart accepting not only the fact, but the fate as well.

babah and me
babah had a nickname for me, a special one for a mek montok gebu like me
secret aaah :')

Y I NO TALK BOUT IT

no, it didn't make me sad. but that's why i hated it, because people thought whenever the subject of 'father' was mentioned, i would be crying deep inside my heart. like i couldn't handle hearing about other people having a father. everyone suddenly was tactful i couldn't stand it. if you want me to be comfortable, stop making it look like such a big deal!

i would rather not hear people say "i didn't know it! i'm so sorry," so i just shut up. but during my short stay in MRSM, i was open about it. because it was a new place with new people, so i had no problem with 'eyes widen with shock, mouth drops ajar' thing.

if you ever notice when i'm talking to you if i don't really know you, instead of asking "when will your mom pick you up?" or "will your dad come on the open day?" i will instead use the word parents or family, something more general. because not everyone has a father, not everyone has a mother. thanks to my experience, i'm being more careful when talking.

others do not understand, leaving you with a dilemma whether to be honest, bare their widening eyes and dropping jaws or to just dismiss the subject like you have a normal life like everybody else.

if i talk about my private life like this, it is a big deal because it takes every ounce of courage i have. it's like getting naked, talking about my bottled up feelings, untold stories and hidden secrets. everything was so confidential back then, because i trusted no one but my future husband who i was and am, yet to meet.

kononnya akan kulakar kisah hidupku hanya untukmu wahai suami. but i guess i can't wait. so instead of forcing a guy to marry me right now so i can tell him everything, i'd rather blog it here, bit by bit.

Acknowledged by Wikipedia

Did you know that my father is in Wikipedia? if you read my first babah post, you'll know he was a noted soldier.

kalau ada spesis yang cakap aku poyo bagitau bapak aku masuk Wikipedia, aku taktaulah apa nak jadi dengan mereka yang sentiasa tak puas hati ni. salah ke aku nak bangga yang bapak aku berjasa untuk negara? salah?

mug ni babah beli dekat Warner Bros. datang dengan set, ada pinggan mangkuk sudu segala. masa babah kasi, aku teruja sebab susunan dalam kotak itu menampakkan mereka seperti sebuah jamban. dapat jamban untuk patung peah dan rakan-rakan kencing yeaaay! laa sekali pinggan mangkuk ke?

banyak songehlah kau, padahal pinggan mangkuk ni jugak yang sekarang kau cari, yang kau bengang bila orang lain guna, yang kau gelabah bila takde. oh durian atas tu namanya durian babah. semua jenis buah dari kebun kitorang panggil buah babah. semua sedap, kalau jual menjadi kalau beli rugi.

The Unexpected - and hooray! i'm not retarded!

beberapa hari lepas aku selongkar album-album lama. jumpa gambar aku masa kecik tengah duduk atas babah, duduk dengan babah, babah dukung, babah cium. sedih. aku tak ingat apa rasanya berada dalam situasi camtu dengan bapak sendiri. aku ada gambar je sebagai bukti itu pernah terjadi.

gambar yang buat aku sedar yang babah sayang aku sangat sangat. i was the unexpected child, the daughter he's been waiting for for years! after he gave up hoping for the only girl, Allah granted his prayers.

my mother being pregnant was unexpected, but me being born was anticipated. not everyone was, though. some people actually 'advised' my mom to get an abortion. saying it was too late, i might be born defected or retarded. aku memang dari dalam perut lagi dah mengundang kebencian, kedengkian orang agaknya.

takpelah, yang penting mak bapak aku sayang aku, kan? sayang dorang lebih daripada benci orang kat aku put together, so it didn't and doesn't matter.

Kalau Babah Ada

aku tak ingat apa rasanya ada bapak. kalau aku rindu babah, aku tak rindu benda lain yang orang rindu bila dorang rindu seseorang. aku cuma rindu ada bapak. tu je. i miss having a dad and nothing else.

hidup aku, lebih banyak "kalau babah ada" daripada "masa babah ada".

kalau babah ada, semua ni tak jadi. everything will be more than okay. kalau babah ada, along tak pening. angah dapat apa dia patut dapat. uda takyah risau, si genius gemuk tu memang ok dulu dan sekarang. ateh jadi orang... haha. aku ada lebih daripada apa aku ada sekarang.

kalau babah ada, birthday aku dengan mama ada orang kisah. aku takpe, asalkan mama dapat hadiah. kalau babah ada, selalu buat kenduri kat rumah. panggil satu kampung datang makan. panggil penjual makanan bukak gerai. kalau babah ada, raya sangat meriah dengan rumah terbuka sentiasa. kalau babah ada, setiap kali nak periksa besar ada doa selamat, macam abang-abang aku berempat.

orang selalu tanya "tak buat pape ke raya/birthday/SPM ni?" aku nak cakap je "sebab babah aku dah takde nak buat tu semua."

kalau babah ada, apa aku nak semua dapat. walaupun tak mintak. curi-curi pandang je, terus tercapai hajat. macam mak aku, mahu tapi malu.

kalau babah ada, babah mesti tolong aku buat keputusan nak belajar apa. babah mesti tolong aku isi setiap borang, tak macam sekarang semua aku buat sorang-sorang. babah mesti tak kisah aku nak belajar kat mana. apa-apa je untuk impian anak dara babah sorang ni, babah kata. babah cakap takpe, kalau tak berjaya, takde kerja, meh kerja dengan babah. ada back up plan sentiasa.

kalau babah ada, aku akan berminat dengan business. babah tak belajar business pun, takde basic pun. tapi babah pandai, babah baik, babah berusaha. babah really worked hard for everything and now, nothing. kalau babah ada, aku akan jadi risk taker. aku pernah nak jadi businesswoman, sambung company babah, kembalikan kegemilangan, jadi macam babah. tapi lepas aku tau apa boleh jadi dalam business, dengan takde babah untuk jadi mentor, terus aku surrender.

kalau babah ada, mesti babah jadi wali aku nikah nanti. mesti babah hepi gila dapat kahwinkan anak perempuan tunggal dia. mesti babah buat wedding aku Wedding of The Year, haha. mesti babah akan berucap masa aku tengah makan beradab. mesti babah buat wedding aku lagi special daripada biasa.

kalau babah ada, memang hidup aku lain

i don't know when i did this or if he even had the chance to read it

mungkin korang rasa "hekeleh? aku takde semua tu pun boleh hidup" memang kau boleh, aku pun boleh. tapi apa aku cakap ni bukan semata-mata inginkan apa aku takde, berangan apa aku patut ada. apa aku cakap ni ialah kalau babah ada. BABAH ADA. dua perkataan, banyak tersimpan. kalau tak faham, tolong diam.

He's Mr. Perfect

babah dulu dalam proses mengorat mak aku yang jenis "i don't give a damn about man", sangatlah comel caranya. selain lain-lain cara mendapatkan gadis diminati, babah berkomplot dengan kawan-kawan dia. kawan-kawan office dia ialah bos mak aku.

mama selalu kena panggil masuk office bos. bos hulur telefon pastu blah. rupanya sebab babah nak cakap kat telefon. comel tak? sempoi gila bos siap keluar bilik kasi privacy. sampai malu mamaku.

who my father was kinda ruins my idea of Mr. Perfect. is it too much? to hope to be destined with such a guy? who will fight for me, who will try to catch my eye, who will buy me gifts and food even though i don't want it, who will perform solat hajat, pray and wish to God so i will accept him, puasa nazar if i do, whose friend the witness of how hard he tries and how much he loves me will cry tears of happiness for him when i finally say "yes", who will do everything for me like babah did for mama, who will love me like babah loved mama?

see, i've told you. babah ruined me for other guys. i'm not even half my mama to get a man like my babah. heck, no guy would even want someone like me to begin with.

Someone Like You, Babah

i guess it's reasonable how high my expectation is for a man.

first, since i was a kid i had a concrete reason to hate men. it's not "i've had enough" due to putus cinta. nothing to do with lovey dovey shit. second, of course, losing babah at such a very young age.

these reasons make me think that one day, i'll find the right man and be happy till the end. babah was taken from me, a man might have changed me, but these misfortunes will be compensated by someone. God is great. one day, he will make up everything by giving me the right guy.

you might say don't i have other dreams? what else is in my wishlist besides having a guy with who i'll build a happy family with? em no. of course i want to have more in life, but if i'm not entitled to have more, it's okay. as long as i have my man and family living harmoniously , i'll die happy.

My Mr. Perfect

i grow up knowing the perfect guy existed but i didn't own him. Allah did. that's why i grew up thinking i too, will have my own perfect guy. love is the most important thing, and that is what i ask from Allah if whatever he's put me through is only the condition i have to obey before winning my reward.

c'mon, don't you see what love has become nowadays? how many men have become jerks? how many miserable women out there? it's only normal if i wish i'll have a happy ending. money can be earned but happiness? not as simple as going to work and expecting a paycheck at the end of the month.

babah makes me realize how to never settle for less, how to just wait for someone who if not like him - cos i doubt i will ever find one or more likely if he will ever settle for me - someone i at least deserve.

Thanks, Bah

i complain on daily basis. but it's just what we do right? we complain when we know we've got more than we deserve. we complain when deep inside we can never be thankful enough for what Allah has given us.

I'm thankful that Allah gave me a father for six years. although my life is not as it was, although my brothers had longer luckier lives, although my mother is the only woman who had the chance to feel how it was to be loved by such a gentleman, although Allah took him back before i could even know him, listen to his stories from his own mouth, appreciate everything he did and his love for his only daughter, i'm thankful enough.

many people whose father was taken by force or left by choice, they have it worse. others in my position are not as fortunate as i am, some have nothing even though their father is around. yes, to compare what i had then with what i have now, what people have with what i don't have, i feel sorry for myself. but i hate to be felt sorry for, so why dwell in self-pity?

i had a man in my life once. he was an obedient son, protective brother, brilliant student, bold soldier, loving lover, helpful friend, generous giver, successful businessman, awesome employer, humble humanbeing, so on and so on, but above all, the best husband and father one can ever have.

i love you so much babah. i didn't know what love for a father meant then. when you were home after a day at the office and you wanted me to sit on you i would be too busy cooking playdough, when you were on business trips every night you would call and when you asked for me i would be too occupied watching tv.

i was so little and absorbed in my own world. but now i'm a big girl, your only big girl, and i understand how it is to love my dad.

i'm thankful to have felt it after you were gone because i wouldn't have the strength to let you go if i was as close to you as i am to mama, if you were the one who played mama's role. i will never be able to let my loved ones go.

i used to ask "why?" and think my life was unfair. but as i grow older, i understand i will never know why. i just have to accept it. had my father been around, i might not be who i am today. i might be someone worse, having him and everything might be a curse.

but what if it wasn't? i could still be a better girl with the presence of a father. yes, what if. we'll never know how it would have turned out. we only know how it turns out now. you can't see how i see it, but as i mature i see the world differently. Allah took my dad back because it's how my life supposed to be.

most of the times i forget who i was to babah. who i am to mama. i do things that i'm not proud of. i don't try hard enough for my future. i let the world spin around for another day without turning my life around at a better angle. i am on my way to be someone who will make them disappointed. but on days like this, i am disappointed with myself.

i don't want to be the only daughter who gives only shits to the ones who love her.

i'm the daughter after four brothers, after years of prayers. it carries a burden heavier than you can imagine. heavier than i can, that's why i escape most of my life. i don't have to be someone successful, i only have to be successful in being a daughter. being the perfect daughter is hard, even harder than being a doctor. being the perfect daughter means so much more.

i will try to be a daughter who deserves a father like you, babah.

Babah, your time with me was short. but your marks are never lasting. Thank you for giving me the honour to be your only daughter.

2011: What a Year! Lessons and Moments

2012-01-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

2011 had been "what a year!" for me.

it's the year of ups and downs, tears and laughter, friends and foes, love and lost, tortures and happiness, and above all, of lessons to learn and moments to remember.

here are randomly arranged lessons and moments which i was unfortunate, and fortunate enough to experience.

1. The year of dramas

all my life i'm familiar with tests from Allah and shits from people, but this year is the year of dramas which i have never faced before as a teenager, it's getting personal and real. maybe it's what the senior year is all about. what high school will be without sweet and bitter memories?

High school dramas. a number of crushes, haters, backstabbers, ruined friendships, false rumours, broken hearts, factual gossips, being talked about behind your back, being misunderstood, fights, tears, laughter. I've experienced it all and more. High school is a prep class for the real world. it can be harsh, it can be magical.

what cost our tears now makes us better, and what caused our laughter will cost our tears later. we grow stronger, so be thankful for now we can face the future better. yes, i loathe the bad plots in my storyline, but i know Allah writes it better than anyone. at least i have the experiences, while some don't even have the chance. i will never change anything, not even the awful bits. because now, everything is wonderful.

2. I am stronger

what doesn't kill you really makes you stronger. sure, i was miserable at some points, stabbed on the back and torn at the heart, but the saying "everything happens for a reason" exists, with a reason.

there are silver linings behind every stormy cloud, and rainbows after every rain. these sayings won't touch you and affect you unless you have experienced it. so after i have and really get it, whenever i experience bullshits, i suffer, but i always remember how this will secure me a fair future, how i will become someone better, and better plans are in God's hands. Allah is Just.

3. Lovey-dovey feelings come at unexpected times, with unexpected people.

to those who say "oooh i'm not into these things" thinking they have the magic of blocking feelings, well honey, you might be wrong. it's because you haven't been hit by 'it', like i had. your smug face will turn into sweating face worrying about it, like mine was. of course, i built boundaries. i know what's right and wrong. but 'it' is our fitrah, so i couldn't build a fortress to hide from it.

i don't fool around, or searching for the love of my life every now and then, i take it seriously so i will not let it be wasted. but i too, lost to the law of nature. so don't be too proud telling the world you're reserving your heart for the one because you'll never know when your heart's gonna speak for itself.

speak what? no, i will not call it love. love is a strong word.

because love, lasts. and love, is when you have those feelings for more than 4 months, psychologically speaking. if it doesn't exceed four months, it's only a crush. and love, said by a friend, is when it hurts and you do something stupid for it. did it hurt? hell it did like never before. but something stupid? no, my heart is wiser because being broken, is something stupid enough. but the feelings once existed, for maybe 6 months, even though there was no such thing as "being together" or setting the status on Facebook as "in a relationship <3".

seriously, the beginning, the climax and the ending. everything.

despite the things i reblogged on Tumblr about 'love' and how i could relate to it, how suddenly all those love songs really made sense, some were like written for me, i knew what i felt wasn't supposed to be called love. it isn't right to say love goes that way, and it went wrong anyway. but it was not the type of crush i'd have just by staring at someone and admiring from a distance. this one, it was a serious crush. but that doesn't mean i wasn't seriously crushed.

3. Good friends

you can have fun together, but you don't know how it's really like to have good friends if you haven't gone through anything bad, and they haven't been with you when you're sad.

my friends have helped me going through rough patches. they might not have the solution, but they made me feel better, and they were there. because of the good friends on bad days, i learn to understand a deeper meaning behind friendships, and appreciate every single friend i have from every walk of life i've had.

It's good when you have more than one circle of friends. cos there are things you can talk to one circle, but you can't to another. in the end everyone completes each other. Alhamdulillah, i'm thankful for my real friends who have shared my tears and laughter :')

4. All sorts of people prepare you for the real world

i believe in goodness in every single human being, but it's like they willingly let the evil voice in their heads get the best of them. how people are capable of hurting, hating, being prejudiced, being insensitive, being selfish, being envious, being ignorant, having bad intentions and doing bad actions.

it's ridiculous how one would do wrongs to others purposely just because it makes them happy, puas hati. even if it's not on purpose, they can't control it, so they think it's okay to not be okay towards others. what a faktap society.

5. The hardest feeling to differentiate is loving someone as a friend or more than a friend

you don't know if anything you feel is what someone should feel for their friend. is it because you love him as a friend? is it normal? or is it beyond friendship? now i know it's easier to fall for a stranger than to fall for your own buddy.

6. People talk, haters gonna hate

they don't really know you, they read what you write and see how you live, and suddenly it's like they have your personality dictionary and life biography. they only see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear. "nevermind, i'll stick to how i think of her. everything she says is a lie, everything she does is an attempt to look good in people's eyes. i hate her, and i shall spread the hatred as well".

i don't know what problems these people have with me. they have problems with themselves, maybe? at first i was miserable. now, i pray the best for them and i just let them be.

7. i dedicate this magical number to... HARRY POTTER!

anyone who knows me, knows i'm possibly the biggest Potterhead in the country, and one of in the world. this year is the year we witnessed the final Harry Potter movie, ending it on the big screen. but never ending it in my heart. "after all this time?"

"always", "until the very end". ah, the simple lines only Potterheads can cry reading it :')

for Harry Potter, i bought merchandises online for the first time. i watched movies alone in the cinema, the first time was for Deathly Hallows Part 1 in New Zealand. for Harry Potter, i was in the cinema, again alone on the first day of Deathly Hallows Part 2 worldwide premier, along with other hardcore Potterheads who clapped and cried as the credit rolled for the last time, yelling "mischief managed!".

for Harry Potter, i know and feel everything which are so special, which those who do not experience it will never understand. for Harry Potter, i am who i am today. cheers, for ten magical years, and more :')

8. Tumblr is a therapy

It doesn't only make me roll on the floor laughing, a website which i spend countless hours on due to boredom and addiction, but Tumblr takes a new role in my life. Tumblr is full of therapists, who share my heartaches. the reblogs and posts on my Tumblr indicate the condition of my heart and emotions.

there was a period when i was so faktap, and all i did was go on Tumblr, visit the pages which have emotional craps to make me scream inside "that's effing right!", and spam my dashboard with the images understood only by broken people. it's like being with a friend who feels everything you feel. but when the miserable phase stops, i'm back to reblogging stuffs for normal happy people.

9. It really gets better in time

Time heals. i can't thank time enough. when i was in miserable states, i always knew how trying to forget, pretending to be okay, and acting all fine would not make any difference. but i knew, i only had to wait.

there is a moment in the timeline of my life, which when i live through it, everything will be alright. the moment is like a rejuvenation potion. you are dying, yet you know you have to keep on living to make it to the point where the potion is secretly hidden. the tricky part is, you don't know where the potion is! all you have to do is walk and hope the next step will be where the potion is buried underneath your feet. and the magical part is, when you've passed the point, you don't know you've had the potion already! sometimes the point is so close to you, you are not aware it's just in front of you. you only notice it a few steps later, when you realized you are no longer dying, you live like you've been granted a new life, a rebirth, and you feel free from any gravity which sucks you into the bottomless dark hole of misery. and that, is the best part of the journey.

yes, your heart can heal shortly. maybe a month is enough. but it doesn't mean your heart wasn't badly broken. it means your heart heals because it needs to be whole to let you love yourself.

10. it hurts to have feelings for someone you shouldn't have feelings for

"orang terlarang". who? depends on you. who when you think of them, you think of them as more than the role they play in your life?

when you realized what you've gotten yourself into, you have personal dilemma which is really torturing your inside. you feel guilty, you feel this is not right. you can't turn away, because you don't really have a say. your heart controls your feelings. anybody who says they can control their feelings, well they know nothing. you can control your actions, to not go overboard, to stand behind the line, but you can't control who occupies your mind.

now i know why i would rather be longing for something that will never happen with someone who doesn't notice my existence, than longing for something that is such a mess up tangled with someone who knows me and i know him like the back of my hand. or so i thought.

but when it works out, it's one of the best things you can feel. but when the working out part stops, the going wrong scenes fill the plots, it's one of the worst things for real. not only you loose the person in his last role after nothing, you also loose the person in his first role before everything. you can have him back like nothing ever takes place, but you can't erase history.

11. My Glass is Half-Full. For That, I Thank Everyone

yes, i'm still a pessimist, but now i begin to see things on the bright side. because i realize, all those times of thinking how things are tragic, i actually never die. after i realize how badly something is happening to me and i learn how i'm still standing on the ground, i know something good will always come after. i'm an optimistic pessimist now.

there are many people who i want to thank to, but here i'm just gonna mention someone. yes, you. if you read this, i'm sorry i babbled about the past without telling you cos i'm sure you'd like to forget it. but i won't. you know how i was a wreck back then, and you know it was all because of you, hahah. everything just seems funny now. luckily it didn't affect my studies. but it did affect my mental health... k kidding.

i'm glad we're back as friends, i'm always better at listening to your girls problem than becoming one. i admit you're the first one who did some of the things no one had ever did to/for me, who i did some of the things i had never did to/for anyone pity and lucky. know what? i'm thankful for it all. for the best and the worst stage. i've learnt a lot. about how complex people and life can be, everything i've learnt just from a person.

i don't think most people have been through what i had been through with you. so i feel special. to have been through those very good and very bad days, everything only we know. you might not feel the same way. but to me, it didn't happen just to give me heartbreaks. i don't regret anything at all, for someday the future will prove how everything was not just nothing. i didn't ask for it but it happened anyway. and Allah wants me to learn something, which i already did. so thanks, and sorry for everything.

even if there's no reason why it happened and nothing to be learnt, at least it's something to remember. regrets and mistakes, there are memories made. but i will not find someone like you, harharhar no offence. friends?

12. I trust Allah more than ever

I'm not a good Muslim. i'm trying to be, and it's not easy. but i trust Allah so much because despite every sin i commit, Allah always helps me through and through although i deserve nothing. i'm afraid of being seen as taking things for granted, which i'm not. if anything, Allah helping me only strengthens my weak iman.

and even when Allah tests me with anything that i think i can't bear, i always end up surviving. because remember, Allah doesn't test us if we can't stand the challenge. so it means there's strength inside us that we don't know exists. when i face something i would rather not face, what makes me fall and fret, i wonder if it's Allah's test, or Allah's wake-up call for me. either way, i trust Him more and more each day.

It's different. to just understand how everything happens for a reason, and to feel it yourself. i feel it, and that's because i've faced my fair share of tough times. after this i'm sure things are tougher, and i might feel suicidal or something, but i hope Allah always grants me great patience, and really shows how everything happens for a reason.

13. I love myself more

that's how i convinced myself to do things, or to not do things, that will hurt me even more, lower my dignity and tarnish my pride. i know where to start, and where to stop. it might be hard, it was, but i kept thinking how i should be loving myself more than those who do not love me enough. i am not the best, but i am good enough to deserve better.

that's how i take care of my own heart. be it anyone who tries to let me fall and let me down, be it for any reason at all, in any way possible, i love myself enough to let it all go.

14. AB Family

seriously korang, thank you so much! for everything. EVERYTHING. we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun... memang bermacam seasons kan? kelas yang macam-macam konflik, tapi konflik tu menyatukan kita. kelas yang disalah anggap, tapi kita sebenarnya selamba je. kelas yang dikata macam-macam, tapi kita tetap diam. aku sayang koranglah! sayang, faham? i didn't think i would love this class this much, these people this much, when i first got to know them. but this class, it's special. we had our own ups and downs, and we share them together.

kelas inilah yang beberapa orangnya walaupun ada yang baru kenal aku, tapi habis dua tahun ni, jadi antara orang yang paling kenal aku, yang tahu apa jadi dalam hidup aku, yang sedih, happy, panas hati sama-sama dengan aku. oh and to talk about our good times! photo shoot AB Familty tu semua, setiap kali lepas exam keluar ramai-ramai sama-sama, bukak puasa together, eh segala bendalah, memang jadi kenangan. so aku nak bagitau, yang lepas ni, aku akan selalu blog pasal AB Family. aku akan blog post sempena kelas, atau sempena korang sorang-sorang secara peribadi. special tak? nangis sekaranggg.

itu pun kalau rajin. hehe.

sayang korang.

15. The Last Day of High School - 11.11.11

a beautiful date on a beautiful day. finally, finally. we hugged, we laughed, we cried, we took pictures, recorded videos, doodled on the whiteboard with permanent markers, walked that last walk from school to McD. it was a day to say this all ends here, a day to say good bye to everyone and everything, to annoyance and nonsense. a day to remember.

i'll blog about it later.

so... that's my year. well of course there's more, but this is already too long for anyone to even care right?

what a year.

Kahwin Muda? Ok

2011-12-30T05:46:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum. harini kita akan bercakap pasal kahwin muda. KAHWIN? TAKDE TOPIK LAIN? suka hati lah, gua dah habis sekolah dah boleh ~~kahwin~~ cakap pasal kahwin laaah.

sebelum tu, nak share video yang terfemes di Malaysia tahun ni, tak lain tak bukan.... i've been proposed and i'm engaged! untunglaaah.

it's so comel i cried. they do it the right way. that's why it's special, and will be even more special later starting from their wedding day :')

Kak Dena yang comel ni sangat bertuah k. siapa je dapat peluang menangis kena propose dengan cara yang begitu sweet sekali, bukan je sweet pada kita, tapi sweet pada Allah juga? kita setakat menangis feeling lagu Thousand Years bolehlah kan. forever alone.

it's okay. now let's be forever alone, cos one day He will give us someone to be together with until jannah, our very own. Insyaallah :)

Kata Orang?

bila dengar pasal kahwin muda, respon biasa ialah "kau dah gatal sangat kenapa? belajar pun tak 4 flat!" dihambur kepada budak sekolah dan budak U. "kerja pun buat cukup duit poket! rumah pun setakat flat!" dihambur pula kepada budak dah kerja tapi gaji tak setinggi mana.

sinonim dengan adat tradisional, kalau letak mas kahwin, hantaran, macam jual anak. belajar tinggi, up sikit. cantik rupawan, up banyak. hotstuff, up lagiii. bila kenduri, benda yang tak perlu, makruh, haram buat berlumba-lumba, lepas kahwin akaun bank tinggal habuk je.

sabda nabi "Wanita yang paling banyak mendapat kurnia ialah wanita yang murah mas kahwinnya, yang senang nikahnya dan baik budi pekertinya. Dan wanita yang jahat ialah wanita yang mahal mas kahwinnya, payah nikahnya dan yang buruk budi pekertinya"

sinonim jugak dengan budaya liberal, ke sini ke sana dengan makwe pakwe, lagak macam suami isteri? "biasalah tu" tapi bila suruh pegi jumpa tok kadi asyik-asyik "tunggu dulu".

tu dia orang kita. bila nak buat benda baik, persoalkan umur, duit. padahal kahwin ni simple je.

Kata Agama?

bila cakap simple, bukan maksudkan tanggungjawab, nafkah semua. tu memanglah berat brader. simple ni maksudnya kau kahwin dengan anak dara orang, sara dia. bukan bagi dia kaya. yang wajib tu rukun nikah je, bukan kenduri macam Wedding of The Year.

kahwin memang susah, bukan benda main. rasa tak mampu, jangan. tapi kalau mampu? teruskan. mampu bukan maksudnya ada segala-galanya ye.

“Wahai pemuda-pemuda,sesiapa sahaja diantara kamu yang berkemampuan untuk berkahwin,maka berkahwinlah kerana dengan berkahwin dapat menundukkan pandangan dan menjaga kehormatan diri”- (riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Taknak Kahwin Muda?

kalau tak masuk dalam kategori wajib kahwin, takyahlah. buatpe nak buat sesuatu yang tak perlu dan tak mampu kan? asalkan pandai jaga diri, sudah. tapi sabda nabi

"Apabila seseorang melaksanakan pernikahan, bererti telah menyempurnakan separuh agamanya, maka hendaklah ia menjaga separuh yang lain dengan bertaqwa kepada Allah"

kan comel tu? sebab tu biasanya orang yang kahwin muda ialah orang alim. tak alim pun, mendalami agama. kalau tengok suami isteri muda yang jalan pegang tangan, sorang tolak stroller sorang dukung anak, dari luaran pun tahu dorang ni soleh solehah belaka. comel gila!

pernah tengok movie Ketika Cinta Bertasbih? cowok cewek yang belajar kat tanah arab tu semua fikir pasal jodoh. setiap sorang dalam hati ada cinta, buat cara halal and simple je. mak bapak pun ucap syukur tau anak dah jumpa calon, tak kesah anak still study and duit tak penuh seguni. yang penting apa yang wajib, dan bila yang wajib tu sekadar rukun dan nafkah asas, tanggungjawab pun tak terasa berat. asalkan sempurna separuh agama, besar maknanya.

Umar bin al-Khattab r.a berkata:“Kahwinkanlah anak-anak kamu apabila sampai baligh, janganlah kamu menanggung dosa-dosa mereka.”

Nak Kumpul Duit Dulu?

sekarang semua benda cekik darah. bukan lagi macam dulu, murah dan mudah. sebab tu jugaklah sekarang kahwin ni susah. kalau kahwin setakat nikah je, takde kenduri memanglah bagus, tapi hidup lepas nikah kalau takde duit pun payah. nak makan apa? pasir?

sebab tu orang sekarang prefer kerja dulu gila-gila, kumpul duit sampai kaya. tapi kalau duit tak berapa nak ada, hajat di hati nak kahwin pula, camne?

“Dan berkahwinlah orang bujang (lelaki atau perempuan) dari kalangan kamu, dan orang yang salih dari hamba-hamba kamu,lelaki dan perempuan. Jika mereka miskin, Allah akan memberikan mereka kekayaan dari limpah kurnia-Nya, kerana Allah SWT Maha Luas (rahmatnya dan limpah kurniaNya), lagi Maha Mengetahui”- (Surah An-Nur)

jangan risau pasal duit kalau kahwin. sebab Allah akan bukak pintu rezeki untuk orang yang beribadah dengan cara ni, bercinta cara diredhai.

Nak Enjoy Dulu?

"lek lu, kita masih muda. tak perlu semua ni. banyak lagi dalam hidup yang boleh dikecapi". cakap macam bermatlamat sangat, padahal mengayat pompuan tak sempat-sempat. dia cakap lagi "kalau bercinta pun, take it slowly. tak funlah cakap pasal kahwin, go with the flow, baby!"

kau taknak kahwin, suka hati, takde sape paksa. tapi taknak kahwin buat cara taknak kahwin. takyah bercinta, takyah ke hulu ke hilir heret makwe. study sampai habis, kerja sampai success, enjoyla dengan kawan sejantina sampai tua.

laki yang lebih2 dengan perempuan tanpa niat nak bawak hubungan ke arah perkahwinan, berdosa. bila orang suruh halalkan hubungan tu, kata takyah terburu-buru. kalau camtu takyah couple saje-saje. buang duit, buang kredit, buang tenaga, buang masa. baik kau pergi lepak dengan member.

ada pulak dia kata orang yang serius mencari jodoh yang desperate. habis dia desperate apa?

Nak Pandang Rendah?

aku tak suka bila ada yang menggeletis bila dengar pasal kahwin. kolotlah, tak urbanlah. kalau satu hari nanti kad kahwin kau sampai depan aku, memang aku ucap tahniah sambil tanya "tak geli nak kahwin dah?" yang confirm sangat taknak kahwin awal tu pun satu. macam tau je bila nak sampai seru, sekali kau kahwin dulu.

tak kisahlah taknak kahwin pun, tapi jangan cakap seolah-olah itu perkara buruk. dulu kecoh pasal budak bawah umur dibenarkan kahwin, ramai tak setuju termasuk menteri, mufti Perak cakap kalau tak setuju, serupa hina nabi. sebab nabi kahwin dengan Siti Aisyah sebelum Siti Aisyah baligh lagi. nikah gantung, nikah tapi tak tunaikan sepenuhnya nafkah sampailah Siti Aisyah dah baligh.

memanglah budak sekolah tak sesuai kahwin, ini bukan zaman atok nenek kita yang baru 12 tahun dah pandai berdikari. budak sekarang ni dah habis sekolah pun bergantung dengan mak bapak sendiri. terasa. kalau aku kahwin umur 16 pun, awal-awal aku surrender.

tapi janganlah kata tak membantu generasi mudalah, timbulkan masalahlah, kes cerai makin banyaklah, pendidikan terbiarlah. kalau dah wajib nikah sangat, nak biarkan budak-budak tu buat maksiat? memanglah kahwin semata-mata sebab nafsu banyak negatifnya, kalau boleh elakkanlah. tapi takyah persoalkan apa kesannya. itu penyelesaian yang Allah dah bagi, jangan banyak bunyi.

kalau tak perlu kahwin, kahwin setakat taknak berpisah dengan pakwe tanpa fikir tanggungjawab dalam islam, tugas dalam budaya sebagai isteri, takyah susahkan diri.

“Perkahwinan itu Sunnahku, sesiapa yang tidak suka kepada sunnahku, dia bukan dari kalangan umatku” -(Bukhari dan Muslim)

kahwin muda itu bukan masalah kalau kita yakin dan pasti dengan Dia dan dia. cuba baca cerita ni dengan ni, dorang kahwin muda.

Kata Aku?

aku pernah tanya mak aku, camne kalau aku kahwin muda? dia jawab kalau dah jodoh, ikut je. tapi mak aku selalu cakap "pompuan takyah fikir, tunggu je orang meminang. kalau ada, ada. kalau takde, nak buat camne." hai maa, part kalau takde tu macam dah pasrah menyerah je bunyinya.

abang-abang aku ada yang kahwin muda. paling muda umur 21, kawan sejak form 4, yang aku cerita kat sini. nikah time still study dekat overseas, balik baru buat kenduri. lepastu dah dapat anak kakak ipar aku sambung master, and then PhD. takde masalah, asalkan memang jodoh lah.

aku kalau boleh nak macamtu, eh bukan part kahwin cepat, tapi part kawan lama tu. kawan lama, bukan berkasih-sayang lama eh. ada beza. kawan macam biasa, biar kenal luar dalam, tau kebaikan, tau keburukan, kalau dah terima as kawan, bolehlah terima as lebih kan? best gila kawan before kahwin, cakap guna kau aku, selamba.

friendship is the most important relationship. kahwin best kalau suami isteri macam kawan, boleh share pape, buat benda sama2. tapi kawan 10 tahun pun kalau takde jodoh, ada je halangan. kalau dah jodoh, kenal sebulan pun takde hal. so apa-apa pun kepada yang nak kahwin muda, back to istikharahlah.

aku mengaku, aku bukan jenis main-main, jenis yang suka tanpa ada tujuan. kalau aku nak suka orang betul-betul, aku fikir dulu dia boleh dibuat laki ke tak. kalau setakat suka syok sendiri macam Baju Belang, takdela aku fikir camtu. Baju Belang, semoga kau ada jodoh dengan awek tersayang. redha ikhlas ni.

dari kecik lagi aku pelik tengok orang couple yang bukan nak kahwin pun. memangla muda lagi, buatpe fikir pasal kahwin kan? so takyah fikir pasal nak bercinta. umur berapa pun kalau ada perasaan tu, make sure ada niat nak kahwin dalam kepala. orang lain boleh cakap orang macam aku ni tak berwawasan ke apa ke, tapi buatpe main-main buang masa?

bila fikir pasal tujuan nak kahwin, janganlah fikir sebab nak seronok tanpa buat dosa semata-mata. fikir "it's the right thing to do".

biar jadi macam Ted Mosby, kenal perempuan fikir "she might be the one", bukan macam Barney Stinson, kenal perempuan sebab nak mengawan.

aku ada instinct yang aku takyah risau pasal hal ni. setakat berangan suka suki bolehlah, tapi nak fikir betul-betul, lambat lagi.

tapi kawan aku pernah tetiba cakap kat aku "awak kena kahwin cepat"....... ok.

pada aku kahwin cepat is awesome. terutama untuk orang yang tak berapa nak social sangat, macam aku. takde sangat istilah "kita enjoy dulu!", dah jadi anak dara duk umah je. keluar pun dengan kawan-kawan rapat. kahwin pun boleh enjoy what? enjoy ngan suami, lagi terbaik. forever alone together.

study? kan lagi semangat nak study sama-sama, ada orang kejutkan kalau kaki tidur macam aku ni, support each other. takde dah peristiwa mengusha orang yang diminati. study focus, iman pun terjaga. tanggungjawab isteri semua tu? boleh tunggu. ramai je orang yang dah kahwin tapi duduk asing sementara study, duit mak bapak boleh tolong hulur asalkan saling meredhai, dah grad, kerja, barulah hidup sama-sama.

personally, aku takleh bayangkan ada orang nak kahwin ngan aku. hahaha. tapi kalau dah jodoh, terimalah saya seadanya. that's a wonderful thing about being fated together, Allah will put the love in our hearts, that's why despite the flaws and faults, we'll accept each other :')

LOLOLOL poor y-u-no guy. learn to wait, eh?

aku dengan budak-budak kelas, antara topik biasa kitorang ialah kahwin. kawan aku cakap yang dia sejak dulu rasa kahwin ni best, tapi orang lain tak cakap pasal kahwin so dia pun diam jelah, tertanya-tanya "aku normal tak excited sangat ni?" hahaha takleh blah k. bila dia cakap camtu, aku pun angguk-angguk setuju.

dulu nak cakap pasal kahwin taboo sangat, nanti orang kata miang. tapi bila masuk form 5 kebanyakan budak pompuan dah mula open pasal ni. semua teruja bayangkan situasi.

what you need to know about girls is we're excited to get married bukan sebab kitorang gatal atau sangap sangat. we're not boys with biological difficulties to... er, control their desire to get married.

we love the idea of marriage because we love the idea of a halal relationship, when we can watch movies late at night together cuddling on a sofa, go to a supermarket with the husband pushing a trolly and the wife checking on household items, clean and decorate our home together, the wife cooks and the husband helps in the kitchen, bring the husband to relatives' houses during raya, introduce the husband to old friends at a reunion, you know, that kind of fairytale-ever-ever-after-happy-ending-together life.

OK IT IS UNREALISTIC. no need to remind us about all the divorces these days, not accepted by the in laws, being cheated on, the sparks vanish after a few years, unaccepted attitudes or habits of the spouse, abuse, violence and all that craps. we know. but there's nothing wrong to dream and hope for the best, right?

kitorang mungkin jugak teruja pasal kahwin ni sebab kitorang bukan jenis yang terbawak-bawak sangat sebelum kahwin... faham? so kalau nak merasa tu semua, kena kahwin dululah. bila, Allah je tau. jadi takyah risau, there's someone for everyone. tapi kalau lagi 10 tahun takda tanda there's someone for you, bolehlah mula cari dating site mana nak masuk, hantar gambar masuk majalah Mangga ke dengan caption "yang kesunyian, perlukan teman".

someday. Insyaallah. all we have to do is wait. Believe in Him, and you shall believe in fate :)

Apa Course and Career Yang Sesuai Dengan Kita?

2011-12-27T22:32:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum. mari sambung our quest, searching for the right course and career. bosan kan? time ni la nak bosan, jangan pulak bosan bila salah buat keputusan. if you choose the wrong course and career, you'll regret it laterrr, alligatorrrrr. tetiba.

So Very Important Points - SVIP!

let me introduce you to my very own method, SVIP! ciptaanku sendiri ni.

SVIP stands for Strengths, Values, Interests and Personality. these are the points which are very vital, screaming for our consideration. let's elaborate a lil further, shall we?

1. Strengths

kekuatan, kebolehan. bakat, terer buat, buat tanpa rasa penat, buat naturally with little energy. ce fikir pencapaian akademik, koko, and social korang. markah tinggi subjek membaca atau mengira? lagi terer melukis atau menulis? wakil tennis peringkat sekolah? pertandingan kejuruteraan peringkat kebangsaan? pembimbing rakan sebaya? itu semua kena ambil kira!

kalau handal menghafal, boleh jadi doctor. kalau berbakat melukis, boleh jadi designer. contohnya lah, gua doctor tak nak, designer tak layak.

2. Values

apa yang korang pentingkan? pencapaian? jadilah politician ke, scientist ke. menolong orang? jadilah lawyer ke, psychologist ke. kreativiti? jadilah penulis ke, pengarah filem ke. duit? jadilah engineer petronas ke, tauke dadah ke.

fikir apa yang penting pada korang, cari kerjaya yang dapat puaskan korang.

3. Interests

what fascinates you? catches your attention? enjoy doing? hobby? suka tengok bulan? major in astronomy. suka baca buku? major in literature. minat dengan mayat? major in forensics. hobby stalk orang? major in facebook.

seriously, your interest matters. this will prevent you from waking up with the weight pulling you to bed like gravity, moaning every single day and faking sick every single morning. cos you do what you hate. forget how it feels? ingat balik perasaan terpaksa pergi sekolah bila korang taknak. at least school can be fun, ada kawan, subject, cikgu, orang yang kita minat... kerja? setiap hari sama. sampai pencen derrr.

4. Personality

macam aku cakap dalam post sebelum ni, personality yang sama type dengan work environment memerlukan energy yang paling sikit sebab semuanya datang dengan semula jadi. oleh itu amat penting untuk kita tahu jenis personality kita, supaya kita tahu jenis pekerjaan yang sesuai untuk kita.

ada jugak psychologically proven personality and career test yang sangat membantu, kalau korang buat test tu, korang akan terpana, terkesima, teruja, siap tanya "HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ME SO WELL?" korang akan ternganga.

nantilah aku blog pasal test tu, post berkenaan akan panjang berjela. post ni pun tak habis lagi.

Holland's Theory

obviously ni bukan theory aku, tapi theory someone named Holland, maybe. theory ni pasal personality type dengan work environment type. the hypothesis is if your personality type matches your work environment type, you're more likely to be successful and satisfied.

personality yang sama type dengan work environment paling sesuai, contohnya Artistic person in Artistic work environment. a personality type juga agak sesuai dengan work environment type yang paling dekat, contohnya Artistic person can work in Investigative or Social work environment, referring to the hexagon. tapi a personality type sangat tak sesuai dengan work environment type yang bertentangan, yakni yang paling jauhlaa. contohnya Artistic person akan miserable kerja in Conventional work environment. so the theory is personality types closest to each other are more alike than those farther away. refer hexagon tu k.

macam mana nak tau korang yang mana? baca ni

Realistic

strength, interest - animals, tools, machines, mechanical drawings

avoid - social activities (teaching, counseling, nursing)

value - things you can see and touch (plants, animals)
things you build and improve (machines, buildings)

personality - practical, mechanical, realistic

occupation - forester, farmer, engineer, fire fighter, police officer, pilot, electrician, mechanic, etc

Investigative

strength, interest - studying and solving math or science

avoid - leading, selling things, persuading people

value - science

personality - precise, scientific, intellectual

occupation - chemist, mathematician, meteorologist, biologist, dentist, physician, veterinarian, pharmacist, architect, scientist, lab assistant, etc

Artistic

strength, interest - creative activities (art/drama/dance/crafts/music/writing/etc)

avoid - highly ordered, repetitive activities

value - creative arts (drama, music, works of writers, etc)

personality - expressive, original, independent

occupation - dancer, book editor, art teacher, fashion/graphic designer, novelist, film writer, composer, actor, musician, etc

Social

strength, interest - helping people (teaching/counseling/etc), dealing with people

avoid - animals, machines, tools

value - helping people, solving social problems

personality - helpful, trustworthy, friendly

occupation - counselor, social worker, nurse, therapist, teacher, trainer, psychologist, dietician, nutritionist, etc

Enterprising

strength, interest - leading, persuading people and selling things, idea

avoid - careful observations, scientific and analytic thinking

value - politics, leadership, business

personality - energetic, ambitious, sociable

occupation - sales person, travel agent, recreation leader, judge, lawyer, sales manager, TV newscaster, hotel manager, real estate agent, businessman, stylist, promoter, etc

Conventional

strength, interest - numbers, records, machines in a set, orderly way

avoid - ambiguous, not in order activities

value - business

personality - orderly, good at following a plan

occupation - clerk, secretary, typist, timekeeper, accountant, bank teller, etc

atas ni semua kiranya aku dah ringkaskan sikitla. jika mahu tahu dengan lebih lanjut, termasuklah jurusan yang perlu anda ambil mengikut personality anda, silalah ke sini.

so amacam?

dah tau dah personality korang? tak percaya dengan theory ni? suka hati. tapi aku nak cerita pasal abang aku.

dia dari kecik suka gila binatang. rumah kitorang dulu pelbagai spesis binatang peliharaan ada, rumah macam taman, banyak jenis pokok, siap ada kolam ikan. semua tu dia yang jaga. dia nak kerja something yang ada kaitan dengan binatang, macam vet and zoologist. malangnya takde sape nak kasi scholarship kerja camtu (sesuatu yang mungkin akan jadi pada aku). tapi dia dapat dua scholarship. electrical engineering kat UK, mechanical engineering kat US. sebab dia kata UK boring, US lagi best, makanya sekarang dia seorang mechanical engineer di TNB. untunglah pandai gila sampai boleh pilih nak study kat negara mana, siap fly before result SPM keluar segala. untunglaaaaah.

point kisah abangku ini ialah Holland's Theory boleh diguna pakai. aku rasa personality type dia Realistic. dia suka binatang, boleh kerja dengan machine, tak suka social activities, workaholic balik rumah tengok tv tengok ikan je.

ni aku nak cerita pasal aku pulak.

i'm somewhere between Investigative, Artistic, and Social. kalau tengok dekat hexagon tu, tiga-tiga tu sebelah-sebelah. kalau ikut hati aku nak jadi Artistic je, habiskan hidup dengan menulis. tapi itu boleh jadi back up plan. tak, back up plan di sini tak bermaksud aku lagi suka yang lain tapi aku gunakan menulis tu sebagai second choice in case tak diterima oleh pilihan pertama. ouch that hurts, to be the second choice. back up plan di sini bermaksud menulis akan jadi kerja part time aku, walaupun aku laaagi cintakan bidang penulisan. ada faktor yang memerlukan aku untuk memilih kerja lain sebagai kerjaya tetap. sama ada astronomer/astrophysicist (Investigative) atau psychologist (Social). kenapa aku minat mereka? lain kali aku cerita.

point kisah aku yang bosan dan takde kesimpulan ni ialah, Holland's Theory boleh diguna pakai.

korang pulak camne? teori ni boleh pakai tak?

Kenapa Kena Pilih Course and Career? Penting Sangat Ke?

2011-12-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum!

aku rasa ada lepasan SPM yang tengah macam aku, pening fikir sesuatu. hal ini antara hidup dengan mati. antara hutang dengan gaji. antara sengsara dengan happy. antara bosan dengan puas hati. apa lagi? pasal course and career laaaaah!

sejak lower form lagi aku dah pening fikir pasal ni. tapi sebab selalu terjerat at dead end, maka aku pun tangguh dulu proses penentuan wawasan hidup tu. sekarang nak tak nak, kenalah mula semakkan otak.

macam mana? salah satu caranya dengan buat kuiz!

dulu aku suka gila buat kuiz. pasal personality, friendship, career, romance geli geli semua ada. result yang kena dengan jiwa raga, aku print screen. semangat. bertahun-tahun pengalaman, aku dapat satu kesimpulan, which is kalau kuiz tu merapu meraban, korang boleh tau daripada soalan yang takde kaitan, spelling, grammar segala grandmother tunggang langgang, memang ada aura mengarutlah di situ. jadi jangan buang karan buat soalan camtu. bukan setakat salah kuiz je, salah pilihan hidup kang naya.

ini antara kuiz yang aku buat kat internet dulu. underline merah tu maksudnya memang kena gila la dengan aku. kuiz-kuiz ni aku buat kat website biasa, bukan yang psychologically proven or anything prestigious. tapi overall in general memang tepatlah. i thing sho la, dun thing im bein pompous pulak tau.

ini baru kuiz kat website tak bertauliah. ada proven personality text, career test yang anda semua boleh percaya kerana outcomenya membuatkan kami yang telah mencuba puas hati! siap ada kuiz yang kena bayar lagi, banyak company besar and counselor guna, kira betul-betul berjayalah ni. free test pun awesome, dah cukup takyah beli test lain dah! siot jugak sebab test macamni kadang2 kasi ranking kerja yang paling kena dengan kita, tapi sebab aku ambik free punya, dia kasi ranking bawah-bawah, contohnya pekerjaan paling sesuai tangga ke 20 hingga 30. kalau nak tau top 20 kena bayarla brader.

serious aku excited nak berkongsi. weeeee. tapi banyak sangat, so nanti-nantila aku blog pasal test yang dipercayai. stay tune okay. kalau tak sabar nak stay tune kejap pun tak boleh, google sendirila sister.

sekarang aku nak tekankan kenapa aku begitu beriya memikirkan jurusan dan kerjaya. ya aku kena plan benda ni. ya manusia hanya merancang, Allah menentukan, tapi siapa aku nak goyang kaki go with the flow bergantung harap pada Allah saje supaya memimpinku ke destinasi yang patut dituju?

we've gotta earn it to get it. walaupun hanya dengan goyang kaki meng-google sahaja

semua semata-mata sebab taknak tersalah pilih lorong.

kenapa jangan salah pilih course and career, kenapa?!

1. Bosan Itu Musuh Utama

baru 11 tahun belajar kat sekolah, ulang rutin harian yang sama, hadap benda yang tak buat aku teruja, aku dah bosan. itu baru sekolah. tapi kalau kerja? sampai mati akan bosan nanti. kalau bosan tapi boleh teruskan hidup takpe, tapi kalau bosan nak memberontak? nak berhenti? nak tukar angin? dah masalah.

kalau pilih course and career yang kita suka, kita takkan rasa bosan. biarlah orang lain tengok kita kata kita takde life, yang penting kita rasa itulah life kita. teruja walaupun ulang benda sama. takkan ada hari yang bangun je rasa "another unbearable day," sambil heret kaki pergi bilik air. bangun je rasa tak sanggup nak menghadapi hari ini, biarkan aku sendiri. masalah lagi.

pekerjaan tak sepatutnya jadi beban. pekerjaan sepatutnya jadi periuk nasi kita yang buat kita puas hati.

2. If There's a Will, There's a Way

katelah benda tu susah gila, perlukan komitmen menggunung, pengorbanan yang tak surut-surut, kerja kat tempat yang korang tak suka, hadap orang yang tak suka korang, dan pelbagai lagi badai yang harus diharungi. mesti rasa baik mati jelah. ok itu sangat ekstreem. mesti rasa baik berhenti jelah.

tapi korang akan kuat hadapi semua tu kalau korang ada keinginan! keinginan datang daripada kemahuan! keinginan dan kemahuan itu sama! sebab dua-dua datang daripada apa yang korang suka! macam aku dulu. masa mak aku mengandung, bukan dia yang mengidam, tapi aku yang mengidam dalam perut mak aku. mengidam nak masuk asrama. banyak rintangan yang mendatang, aku gagahkan diri, aku langsung tak terfikir aku akan blah dari tempat tu. aku rasa itu yang terbaik untuk aku, kalau sekolah luar aku takleh hidup, aku nak asrama, i will survive!

tapi nak buat camne, itulah takdir. mungkin memang dari asalnya aku tak patut masuk asrama. tapi aku masuk jugak. so Allah did everything to get me back on the right track. which brings us to no 3.

3. Berdoa dan Istikharah lah

turn to Allah, because you'll never know, while He knows everything. walaupun korang sure itu yang korang nak jadi, nak study, tapi manalah tau kan itu bukan yang terbaik untuk korang. katelah korang dah doa, takde halangan, korang pursue apa yang korang nak tu, tetiba something doesn't happen the way you want to. time tu mestilah frust mengguling kan, tapi korang akan rasa "takleh buat apalah, aku dah doa, tetiba jadi camni. Allah wants me to learn from this, He has a better plan for me".

barulah redha. redha itu ikhlas, pasrah itu menyerah..... Ombak Rindu takleh tinggal beb.

4. Menurunkan Kemungkinan Dicop FAILURE

apabila kita buat benda yang kita tak suka, yang kita tak terdaya nak buat, yang kita tak pro sangat, mesti prestasi kat tempat belajar and tempat kerja pun merosot kan. sebab perr? sebab tak minat and tak larat lerr. kalau korang ambik course banyak kira-kira. tapi malas nak buat latihan. kira-kira ni takleh master semalaman je, perlukan latihan intensif tidak bermusim! so korang pun fail sebagai pelajar. kalau korang kerja banyak guna machine, tapi korang tak rela handle benda tu semua. so korang pun fail sebagai pekerja.

kalau kita suka and terdaya, buat latihan, buat kerja pun tak rasa apa. rasa macam pergi vacation pun ada. barulah sukses sentiasa.

5. Less Energy = Semulajadi

tahukah korang, setiap manusia ada personality type yang tersendiri? setiap pekerjaan ada environment type yang tersendiri? tahukah korang, kalau personality type seorang pekerja sama dengan environment type pekerjaan dia, itulah keadaan yang terbaik sekali?

kenapa? sebab bila pekerjaan kena dengan personality kita, kita akan guna energy yang paling kurang untuk pekerjaan tu. maksudnya, talent, passion, skill and kehendak kita yang diperlukan untuk pekerjaan tu datang dengan semula jadi (ke semulajadi? habeh SPM punah BM).

tak ke best tu? belajar rasa cam tak belajar. kerja rasa cam tak kerja. memang sesuai untuk aku.

tapi untuk orang yang sukakan cabaran, boleh je kerja something yang tak sama dengan personality dia. perlu extra effort and work hard sangatlah for it, sebab everything doesn't come naturally. so they need over the top energy. memang tak sesuai untuk aku.

nak tau personality type dengan environment type ni? stay tune. penat menaip.

pantun dua kerat;

bukan saja pilih jodoh tak boleh salah,

pilih course and career pun tak boleh salah!

kehbai.

Misteri Pelukan Itu (Testing Aura Mastika)

2011-12-22T19:48:00.000+08:00

Aku type benda ni beberapa minggu lepas, pengalaman sendiri original recipe tanpa perencah Adabi.

_____________________________

Sekarang pukul4.40 pagi, 19/11, sabtu. Aku ada cerita hantu. ok takdelah hantu sangat, tapi boleh masuk dalam Mastika lah jugak.

Minggu depanphysics. Tapi aku tak study apa pun lagi. Hajat nak study dari siang tergendalaakibat stress pasal math. Malam baru nak study. Before tu aku online dulu.

Lepak dekat groupbudak SPM, cek soalan spot baru, sama-sama kena tipu oleh message yang kononnyakena buat sejarah lagi sekali, dan sama-sama berdoa yang Malaysia banjir sopaper math hancur dibawa air.

Tetiba adasorang mamat post gambar hantu. Gambar tak real, cuma bajet pocong je. Tapistill terkejutlah, malam buta kot. Aku bertindak balas dengan“HOI AKU NAK STAY UP LAH MALAM NI THIS IS NOT COOL!”

Lepastu akucomment pulak “staring at this pic makes it less creepy. No ghost or livingsoul will keep me from doing physics”.

Bila desperate,hantu ke pencuri ke, semua mati aku kerjakan. Kau jangan buat hal. Aku nakstudy. Kalau aku tak study, esok exam aku nak jawab apa? Timbang rasa sikit.

Itulah niat akusetiap kali last minute study sampai pagi. Biasanya aku bukak tingkap, sebabbest dibelai angin malam. Sikit pun tak takut kalau ada kepala intai. hanya nak buktikan “takkan ada pape”.

Padahal rumah ni dari aku kecik ada kes orang hantar hantu setan, hantu setan datangsendiri, bunyi tapak kaki, nampak benda tak sepatutnya, masatidur gigi aku berlaga. bukan kancing gigi okeh. first timemak aku dengar, dia ingat perompak gergaji pintu rumah kitorang. Bila lagakan gigi masa sedar bunyi lain sebab masa tidur kuat macam besi. ada ustaz cakap sebabgangguan jin. Ah sudah, wallahualam.

Tapi tu dulula. Latest, form 3. malam tu gigi aku berlaga. Esoknya abang aku ceritamalam tu pintu almari dia kena main, dia berdehem, tegur suruh diam.dia memang nampak benda ni so dia tak cuak. Lepastu dia mimpi apa tah, dengarsuara pompuan luar tingkap, dengar orang jerit. Time tu jugak,family bini dia call, cakap adik dorang kat rumah tunjuk pintu, menangis jerit “taknakbenda tu masuk!”

Siot, dengarpompuan luar bilik abang aku. Dahlah bilik dia sebelah bilik aku. Dahlah jiranbelakang rumah pernah nampak benda lintas luar bilik aku. Siot,sampai aku pernah takut duduk dalam bilik sendiri.

Tapi sekarang akutak kisah. tengok tv gelap sorang-sorang, turun buat kopi kat dapur, tegurkalau ada bunyi pelik, keluar rumah tengok bulanmalam buta, tanpa takut kena kacau pape. Kira dah besar ah ni.

K so, selepasbuat beberapa soalan, tetiba aku dapat idea untuk tulis novel.Idea gempak gila. Sebelum lupa, aku tulis idea aku. Untuk lebih selesa, akuberalih ke katil. tanpa aku sedar, aku tertidur, macam biasa.

Aku mimpi bendapaling random. Yang aku ingat, aku nampak junior aku masuk pertandinganrekacipta kat asrama dia, buat dekat tennis court (oh ye tennis court asramaaku dulu berhantu kata orang). begdorang semua colour pink sangkut atas jaring court tu. Tetiba ada futsal court.bola datang arah aku, setangkas Apek aku stopkan bola tu. Ada budak datang ambik, aku lupa siapa. Aku jalan, tapi makin susah sebab pasir makin dalam.aku tenggelam paras pinggang.

Pastu ada orang panggil, dia kat tempatlagi tinggi. Aku nak pergi kat dia pun payah, nafas macam lari satu padang dah. Bila sampai tetiba aku dalam teater, atau lecture hall. aku kat level paling bawah. buruk,macam dah ditinggalkan, kerusi tunggang langgang. tetiba ada cikgu aku.Kitorang sembang apa tah, yang aku ingat dia kutuk Kim Kardashian. Aku dah katamimpi aku random. aku cakap dulu aku pun tak suka dia. Tapi lepas tengokKeeping Up with the Kardashians, aku terus suka the Kardashians siap jadipeminat setia. Dorang gelak. Cikgu nak keluar, kitorang pun naik tangga untukkeluar ikut pintu exit paling atas.

Masa naik,sebelah kitorang ada tingkap. kat luar kabur. Aku cakap ribut pasirkot, terus pasir masuk dalam tempat tu. Angin kuat, pandangan jadi coklat, dah macam bencana alam suasana. Aku cakap cepat cikgu, kita keluar. Dia gelak, gelak yang pelik, pastu terus peluk leher aku.

Mula-mula akutak kesah. Aku naik lagi tangga tu. Lama-lama makin berat. Aku longgarkan pegangandia, takleh. Tetiba scene bertukar-tukar. Dia peluk makin kuat, aku makinlemas. Aku nak bercakap takleh, so cakap dalam hati. “Lepaskan”, sambil tariktangan tu. Time ni aku dah separa sedar. Daripada tengah mendaki tangga, akurasa aku baring mengiring. Tapi masalah dia sama; kena peluk. Mula-mula akuingat mak aku, aku raba-raba rasa ada tangan, mungkin dalam mimpi je tangan tu, aku pun taktau.

Tapi kenapa mak aku ada dalam bilik aku? Kalau orang lain peluk aku tak laintak bukan perogol namanya. Cuak, bila fikir ada orang atas katil aku. Tapisituasi ni agak tak logik. Tetiba aku terfikir, ohdamn. Adakah ini yang orang panggil kena himpap?

Aku dengar kalaukena himpap memang azab. Aku takdelah azab sangat, just susah bernafas. pelukantu sangat membebankan, tapi tak menyakitkan. Maybe aku tak kena himpap tapikena peluk, sebab aku tengah tidur mengiring? Kalau aku tidur meniarap mestidah separuh mati. dahlah bibik abang aku pernah kena himpapmasa dia tido kat rumah ni, bilik dia bawah bilik aku pulak tu.

Ye aku dah sedar untuk fikir tu semua. Tapi tak betul2 sedar sebab susah nak bukakmata. Kadang aku nampak langsir aku, kadang aku nampak scene yangbertukar-tukar tu. Aku dengar kalau kena himpap, boleh nampak rupa benda yanghimpap kita. Aku bersyukur aku tidur mengiring dan kena peluk dari belakang, soaku tak nampaklah makhluk yang bertanggungjawab mencabul aku ni. aku dapat rasabadan aku meronta and mulut tertutup rapat. nak sebut Allah memang takleh,dalam hati pun susah

Aku lawan mataand mulut, takleh bukak tapi aku

cuba

. Aku lupa if dalam mimpi je keaku pegang leher sebab nak lepaskan diri, or dalam dunia betul pun aku buatbenda sama. Aku rasa ye.

Time ni fikir AllahAllah Allah jelah. Makin lama dapat bukak mata. bila dah bukak mata sepenuhnya,mulut pahit, badan penat. Tengkuk lenguh, tapi mungkin sebab posisi tidur yang tungganglanggang. nasib baik lampu terbukak. Aku bangun, pandang tempat aku baringtadi, mengucap, pastu aku macam “blah!”

Aku taktaula tubetul atau mimpi.

Aku usha hot tingkap.Kot-kot kalau ada yang tenung aku, taula dia yang this is not cool. Not coolman.

Aku ada physicsminggu depan man.

Lepas SPM? Kahwinla Apa Lagi

2011-12-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum! sejak baru-baru ni ada soalan yang selalu singgah kat telinga aku.

tak, tak. bukan soalan "dah habis SPM ni dah boleh kahwin kan?", ish makcik, malu saya dibuatnya. apa tanya soalan macam tu. hikhik. emm, kenapa, makcik ada anak lelaki bujang ke?

tak. bukan itu.

soalan yang ditanya ialah "lepas SPM ni buat apa?"

seriously? kenapa nak tau aku buat apa? kenapa semua orang berminat dengan apa yang aku buat? kenapa masa lapang dan aktivitiku menjadi pertanyaan masyarakat? okay fine, aku akan blog pasal apa plan aku lepas SPM.

sesiapa lagi tanya akan dijeling dengan panahan mata yang tajam beserta soalan "DID YOU NOT READ MY BLOG?"

PLAN SAYA SELEPAS SPM :

1. MEMBACA NOVEL

WHAT? NOVEL? ASAL LAME GILA KAU? i am not lame okay. membaca itu amalan mulia, daaa. plus, dah lama aku tak baca novel tau tak? sebab bila aku baca novel, dunia sekeliling aku hilang. aku tak buat apa-apa selain menghadap dunia baru tu sampai aku tau ending dia. ini sangat tak beretika dilakukan ketika di tingkatan 5. sudahnya, satu kerja pun tak siap. jadi aku terpaksa berpuasa, faham?

sekarang aku baru berjinak dengan karya Hlovate. WHAT? BARU BACA? ASAL LAME GILA KAU? okay, kali ni aku memang lame. sebelum ni aku tak minat langsung novel melayu, sebab kebanyakannya terlampau jiwang, geli, berjela dan basi. maaflah, just not my cup of tea. tapi aku sanggup beli novel melayu for the first time in my life sebab orang kata Hlovate best. lain daripada lain

seriously, best. tak jiwang tahap meremang bulu kaki, tapi comel tahap buat aku berguling-guling mata berair. besar kesannya tu.

2. MENULIS NOVEL

aku dah berangan nak tulis novel since kecik sebenarnya. sebab dulu aku macam bermasalah and aku sangat berahsia. aku akan tulis buku pasal diri sendiri, sebagai cara luahkan perasaan tanpa minta simpati.

aku nak tulis novel lagi lepas aku habis darjah 6, cerita pasal budak-budak kecik yang ada drama orang besar. serious, aku dengan geng aku dulu, kami bukan budak sekolah rendah yang tak bersalah.

pastu aku nak tulis novel pasal MRSM, ceritakan segala yang terbuku di hati, apa yang aku tak cerita dekat orang. hidup setahun kat asrama memang banyak kenangan pahit manis. aku nak kongsi.

form 2, aku mula dapat idea untuk tulis bukan pasal aku, tapi pasal watak yang ada kaitan dengan hidup, pemikiran, prinsip, personal issues aku. aku mula serius nak publish novel satu hari nanti. form 4, aku mula develop idea satu-satu. sambung, tak biar tergantung. form 5, makin banyak idea untuk novel lain muncul. idea menggelegak masa nak SPM pun, aku terus draft dalam phone. eh banyak sebablah kenapa aku nak menulis, kita kupas persoalan ini dalam post lain ye.

sekarang masa dah ada, aku taknak tunggu lagi. i want this dream to come true.

3. BELAJAR DRIVE

dulu aku sangat excited nak ambik lesen. because i'm not a public transport person. tanpa teman, aku terumbang ambing di jalanan. teksi boleh lagi sorang. tapi lrt, wa cuak k. so aku ialah contoh manusia yang kena ada kenderaan sendiri kalau nak hidup sejahtera.

cuma sekarang ni aku malas lah pulak nak kena belajar ambik test segala. takpe, hidup masih panjang. kalau tak panjang pun, tak perlu lesen kereta untuk kita seberang ke sana.

4. BELAJAR MASAK

memasak ialah tanggungjawab seorang perempuan terhadap dirinya dan keluarganya. tak molek jika anak dara tau makan fast food je. terasa. tak molek kalau mak mentua tengok kita siang ikan sampai hancur macam belacan. ternganga. tak molek juga bagi laki kita makan air tangan orang gaji, kang dia pasang dua. merana.

mak aku sangat tekankan hal ni. dia takkan biarkan satu-satunya anak perempuan dia tak mewarisi kebolehan memasak dia yang mengalahkan peserta Masterchef. jadi saya akan makin gemuk sekarang. sebab kalau saya masak tak sedap, saya kena makan semuanya. tapi orang tak paksa pun saya akan makan jugak semua, sebab makanan itu nikmat daripada syurgaaaaa.

5. TETAPKAN CITA-CITA

last but not least, in fact, the most important aim untuk dicapai, kalau tak hidup akan terkapai-kapai. masa kecik, aku nak kerja yang ada class je, yang famous, yang semua orang suka, kerja yang bila Nyonya Mansur tanya " Siapa dia Kassim Selamat? Lawyer? Majistret?", aku boleh cakap dengan bangga "Saya bukan Kassim Selamat! tapi saya, saya lah lawyer! saya juga majistret!"

tapi makin lama, aku makin sedar yang passion comes first. takde guna kerja nak gempak je, nak professional je, tapi hati tak rela. itulah mulanya saat aku dihimpit dilemma ini. aku tau aku nak jadi apa, tapi aku tak pasti. aku mula keliru, walaupun kalau ikutkan hati, aku kerja je apa aku mahu.

walaupun aku dah tau minat aku, kekuatan aku, tapi aku still buat research untuk pilih the right course and career. harap-harap beberapa bulan ni cukuplah, sebab aku taknak lagi buat pilihan yang salah.

so, aku akan blog pasal course and career, untuk tolong kita semua yang masih confuse and clueless. kalau nak tau lebih lagi, silalah berkunjung ke blog Keretapi!

geli je buat promosi.

Post Pasca-SPM - Mula Merdeka!

2011-12-14T21:32:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum! hai blog! sorry berhabuk!

tanda seru yang berulangan menunjukkan aku sangat teruja dah habis spm!

harhar tak sebenarnya. keterujaan aku dah lama hilang. sebab aku dah habis SPM sejak 30.11.12 lagi, menutup tirai dengan Biology. tapi aku baru mula blog harini sebab aku menghormati rakan seperjuangan di seluruh Malaysia yang ada baru habis SPM semalam.

harhar tak sebenarnya. sebab aku malas. so far aku baca novel, tulis novel, tido berguling bila-bila aku suka (sehinggalah mak aku bersyarah "camni ke anak dara?!"), tengok tv goyang kaki, keluar bersama rakan, oh ye, dan hari-hari online.

walaupun ketika SPM menjelang dan tengah berperang.

Perang SPM dan Perang FB

aku online sebab dekat FB ada page yang sediakan tips, spot dan etc untuk budak SPM. kemudian tersebarnya ura-ura mengatakan page itu terlalu public, lembaga tukar soalan BM kepada set 3 yang lebih susah kerana spot tepat, maka ada pihak buat private group yang tujuannya sama, namanya sama.

sejak itu admin public page lancarkan perang terhadap private group. bajet orang nak rampas followers dan curi popularity dia. admin page tak ambik SPM, admin dan member group semua ambik SPM, memang ada masa kitorang nak hack dia dan macam-macam lagi yang didakwa sebenarnya. mengutuk mencarut kejadahnya, buat orang geleng kepala. taulah kau banyak berjasa, walaupun kau hanya kumpul soalan negeri dan tips orang lain pastu upload, cop sendiri punya.

paling takleh blah bila budak2 kat private group bincang cara nak ingat untuk chemistry, lucu dan lucah pun ada. admin emo ambik usaha kami, tanpa credit, siap ada cap mohor page dia pula. ironiknya, dia menggelabah kata group kami yang sentiasa curi tips dia. siapa yang stalker sebenarnya?

aku pro private group tu, since aku antara ahli awal yang aktif. aku suka group tu sebab semua hanyalah budak SPM yang nak berkongsi dan mencari. semua tahap ada. daripada yang macam tak pernah belajar apa-apa, sampai yang dah pro gila. semua work together, bagitau tips, bincang soalan, belajar sama2, yang taktau tanya, yang tau ajar, kongsi cara sendiri, dah lepas paper share jawapan, buat meme yang kelakar, kasi semangat kat each other, segala bagailah.

lagi berjaya realisasikan 1Malaysia daripada mana-mana idea Najib. dapat kawan baru, bergaul dengan bangsa lain, lahirlah masyarakat bersatu padu.

apa-apa pun kepada public page dan private group, terima kasih, kerana sangat membantu budak tak cukup study macam aku. bila aku kata tak cukup, maksud aku -

Persediaan Perang

last time aku study masa trial. selepas trial plan aku untuk study sentiasa tak kesampaian. sebab banyak homework, maka study plan terpaksa diabaikan. tapi sebab semua cikgu kasi amanah yang sangat menggunung, tak terdaya saya untuk siapkan. terlampau banyak sampai malas, boleh tak?

yang aku buat Addmath jelah. sebab Addmath paling lemah since aku selalu clueless and careless, dan sebab Cikgu Hamidah garang. tapi sayang cikgu, awww. Sejarah jap buat jap tak. yang lain? akan saya wariskan kertas-kertas dan buku-buku tersebut kepada generasi seterusnya.

jadi untuk SPM, yang aku study betul-betul ialah Sejarah 4 hari, lain 1 hari sebelum hari paper tersebut. tengok jadual SPM, banyak gila gap. aku rasa aku mesti akan study punyalah bila weekend, hari jumaat yang sentiasa free, dan cuti-cuti lain tu. bersyukur SPM time ni, banyak masa untuk study.....

but not an effort was pulled anyway. aku dah terbiasa study last minute hari sebelum exam sampai pagi, so masa SPM pun old habits die hard nampaknya. and memang dah study last minute camtu, patut pun bila rasa tak cukup study langsung.

Pesanan 1: DUNGIBBASHED

Don't start giving a shit about exams unless it's SPM. you know why? cos i cared too much too early. before the real thing even began, i'd given my everything already.

sukahati lah nak percaya ke tak, tapi aku memang manusia yang tak suka study. ada orang yang suka study, walaupun hanya subject yang dorang suka. ada orang yang tak suka study, tapi boleh hidup study hari-hari.

ya, aku tak mati bila study. tapi apa yang aku dah bagi, habis macamtu je, faham tak? semangat dan usaha aku macam air dalam botol. aku haus, aku minum, aku segar. tapi aku takkan dapat dah air tu. botol tu susah nak refill, gali dalam mana pun kalau tak kena tempat tak kena alat, memang takkan ada air dah bila aku dahaga. aku guna air tu awal2, bila kemarau sebenar sampai air tu dah habis.

aku tonggeng botol tu setitik pun takda. dan masa tu aku mati. mati semangat, mati usaha.

Maaflah kalau ada yang rasa aku tak bersyukur ke, sia2kan peluang ke. tapi mungkin peluang aku, kegilaan aku yang buat aku berusaha, tak terhad untuk apa yang korang nampak je, insyaallah.

masalah aku ialah aku memang kalau tak suka, aku takkan rela.

sebelum ni kalau kawan2 aku tanya "kenapalah kena study benda alah ni?", kalau kawan2 aku cakap "aku tak sanggup dah, cepatlah SPM! aku taknak belajar dah!"

siapa yang cakap "study sebab Allah"? "suka tak suka pun belajar jelah"?

siapa? aku jugak. but who was i kidding man.

botol yang ada semangat dan usaha aku cukup besar untuk tolong aku belajar selama ni. tolong aku dapat straight A's. tapi tak cukup besar untuk dapat straight A+'s dalam SPM rasanya. kalau sukatan aku salah, mungkin tak cukup besar untuk aku dapat semua A pun. nauzubillah!

But i have to prepare for the worst right? this is what i meant by saying kita target sebelum buat, lepastu kita expect apa kita akan dapat. aku target menggunung 10 A+ dengan harapan itu kuatkan semangat dan usaha aku. tapi lepas dah settle SPM, i know i did not give my best effort, so aku pun sedar diri dan turunkan target, tak lagi kat puncak, tapi kat kaki gunung pun dah alhamdulillah sangat.

The torture i felt when i was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking "i'm supposed to be studying like everyone else, it's SPM for real now," it's killing me. i just couldn't. i was demotivated. i studied, but not enough. i didn't study sampai tak cukup tidolah rasa nak muntahlah. i studied like it was just another exam.

on the outside i was cool and calm, but no one knew how my inside was.

Pesanan 2: Gibbashed

give a shit for other exams before SPM. you know why?

sebab aku rasa botol aku tu, walaupun tak membantu untuk SPM, tapi membantu untuk exam lain. dan secara tak langsung membantu untuk SPM. atas nama usaha, and atas dasar at least aku pernah tahu tu semua. kot-kotla apa aku belajar gila-gila last year aku ingat balik masa SPM, kan dah alhamdullillah tu.

aku sangat sangat sangat give a shit dulu. i took every test and exam seriously. walaupun aku tak study hari-hari, tak study minggu-minggu, tapi aku still study gila-gila untuk setiap ujian dan peperiksaan sepanjang aku sekolah menengah. walaupun study gila-gila tu hanya satu hari. tapi aku study.

jadi walaupun aku pelupa, habis exam otak blank like a clean piece of paper, tapi ada topic yang aku pernah master. fakta yang pernah ada dalam kepala. nombor yang aku pernah tau kira.

masa SPM, aku aku harap sangat yang effort aku sebelum ni, diambil kira. camne aku stay up malam sebelumnya, minum kopi satu teko, pergi sekolah tak cukup tidur, belajar untuk exam punya pasal. aku doa sangat yang aku ingat, tahu, apa yang aku pernah buat dulu, walaupun aku tak buat sangat sekarang.

ya, usaha untuk SPM aku takdelah segempak mana. tapi aku pernah berusaha. aku harap itu membantu, itu dikira. sebab semalas-malas aku yang tak dapat dikawal ni, aku pun nak berjaya.

dan untuk sedapkan hati, makes me think at least i did something.

mesti korang pelikkan? apalah aku melalut ni. buang tebiat agaknya. mula-mula cakap don't give a shit. pastu cakap give a shit pulak. sungguh pelik tuan punya blog ini.

bukan pelik, tapi paradox. two statements which contradict each other, but nevertheless true.

muka fghesh habes SPM. kegemukan bertambah sebab banyak stress soalan SPM susah, balik rumah makan tak fikir berat badan, "ah lantaklah! aku spm, aku boleh makan sesuka hati!". dan sekarang tak sanggup tengok diri sendiri.

Last paper, Bio P3. siap je, excited pandang belakang. orang lain pandang balik sambil sengih. saat terakhir sebelum jam menunjukkan 3.30 petang. saat terakhir menjadi pelajar sekolah. lepas ni, lepasan SPM dah.

masa kertas dikutip, memang mata berair-air, tak sangka dah habis SPM satu, tak sangka dah habis sekolah dua, happy tiga, sedih empat, perasaan tak dapat diclassify lima. pengawas peperiksaan tetiba berlembut cakap tahniah, kertas terakhir, itu ini yang aku lupa, tapi time tu buat aku terharu sebab bermakna.

keluar dewan, tengok muka dorang, ya Allah macam aku tengok cermin yang pantulkan emosi sendiri. peluk-peluk. bising-bising. record-record. tangkap-tangkap. pass-pass. salam-salam. bye-bye kepada rakan yang tak ikut gi McD. jalan dari sekolah lalu lorong menyusuri kampung kecik meniti jambatan jalan lagi naik jejantas jalan lagi sampai McD. buat kali terakhir perjalanan itu, pakai baju sekolah. lepas ni takde lagi dah.

bye-bye kawan-kawan.

Alhamdulillah.

Post Pra-SPM - Bebelan Berakhir

2011-10-15T05:54:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum. hai blog, sorry berhabuk.

Keretapi Cullen

sebulan sebelum SPM, aku masih tidur setiap kali aku tutup mata, tak kesahlah berapa jam pun aku dah tidur sebenarnya. tutuplah kipas, biarkan aku berpanas, buanglah katil, buanglah bantal, itu semua tidak membantu. bab makan dan tidur, aku memang fleksible. mana-mana dan apa-apa pun boleh.

aku ada sindrom peminat Twilight, iaitu berharap aku Bella Swan yang digigit oleh Edward Cullen lalu menjadi vampire. tak, aku tak macam Bella yang dambakan sangat vampire berusia seratus berapa tu eh? ew, bukan sebab tu. the only vampire yang aku idamkan untuk menjadi mangsanya ialah Angel. kalau tak available, vampire Interview With The Vampire, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise pun boleh, emmm.

edward who?

aku tau kewujudan Angel masa aku 7 tahun. dia yang aku idamkan untuk jadi penyelamat aku, masa zaman kanak-kanak dilanda badai. "Angelus, save me! i don't care if you have to travel in underground tunnel, from LA to KL, just come baby! make me one of your kind, make me free!"

jelas jiwa agak terganggu dulu. tapi sampai sekarang pun aku masih rasa, ah, alangkah indahnya kalau beliau benar-benar wujud di alam nyata.

this is what we call a vampire, people.

sebagai seorang budak 7 tahun, aku langsung tak takut dengan muka vampire dia ni. malah, aku rasa bila muka dia macamni pun, dia masih hensem. mungkin ini apa yang orang panggil cinta~

my first TV heartthrob. if a TV heartthrob can be considered a crush, then he's my first crush <3

after 10 years, i love you still the same, now FBI Agent Seeley Booth :')

Berbalik kepada persoalan, aku nak jadi vampire spesis Edward sebab dalam dunia si Meyer, vampire tidak tidur. LOLOLOL. so kalau aku jadi vampire spesis Edward, masa tidur aku akan diganti dengan masa study. confirm jadi pontianak cemerlang sepanjang zaman.

but being an academically successful vampire comes with a prize... you'll sparkle under the sunlight. no thanks.

A fairytale in a fantasy, a disaster in this reality

do you know how much it hurts me? when people wakes me up from my daydream, saying "this world isn't a fairytale, get real". as if i'm a stupid girl. who knows nothing about the world. tears falling, the proof of having had it rough. i know enough. i know enough not to hope for what could be wrong in reality, so i resort to having what i want in my fantasy. i know enough to build the castle in the air, cos building the castle on the ground, might result in it being burnt down. i know life isn't fair. is it wrong to only dream about what i want, because i know i might not get what i desire? you don't know me, that's why you think i'm naive to be dreaming of a potential disaster. you don't know me, and i know better.

i daydream of the perfections despite the complications

saying to people God is fair, i believe i'll have it in a better way

they say life is not, i'm fooling myself with the fairytale, happiness is rare

so i let them in my mind to see why it's only a fantasy, why here it's a misery

suddenly they say some roads are straight, some people will not go astray

they wake me up brutally from the dream i know is better than reality

and they expect they can swallow their spit, making me feel okay?

Trial LALALA TAK DENGAR

nak dengar satu cerita?

alkisahnya seorang budak ni, dia tahu trial dia, ada paper yang tak sebagus mana. tapi nasi dah jadi bubur basi. redha kan jelah. dia taknak fikir apa-apa pasal trial dah.

kalau ada yang datang kat dia cakap pasal markah orang itu markah orang ini, memang bersepailah gigi.

siapa dapat markah lagi tinggi? aku tak peduli, kata budak ini. aku hanya fikir gred aku, aku tak kisah pasal kau, kau dan kau, aku tak kisah kalau kali ini kosong ditambah di belakang satu, kalau kali ini 10 itu nombor aku, asalkan aku dapat straight A! katanya lagi.

Alhamdulillah, ada yang capai target, Alhamdulillah, ada yang melebihi apa dia expect, Alhamdulillah, 9 subjek tak sebabkan makan hati, Alhamdulillah, tetapi... seperti yang dijangkakan... subjek itu. oh, satu subjek itu. dan satu markah itu. satu markah itu yang mampu membantu.

lalu pergilah dia bertemu si guru, "cikgu, satu je lagi cikgu. one is what i want cikgu", meminta belas kasihan, kerana si guru juga memberi markah tambahan kepada semua anak didiknya berdasarkan beberapa faktor luaran. maka syarat yang harus ditepati adalah menyiapkan kerja-kerja yang diberi. puas hati si guru, dapatlah tambah markah satu.

yeaaaaaaaay! so tolonglah doakan kerja aku semua perfecto, dan lembutkanlah hati si guru, amin! aww naaaw, kantoi cerita ni pasal aku. macamlah orang tak tau (-___-")

i have a personal record to maintain. i have to get those 10 A's. even in other exams, i long for no other grade besides the A family, and this is SPM trial, so what do you expect? it's not the real thing, but trials matter to me, ever since i was in standard 6. this is for me. for my personal trial record i've been keeping since UPSR trial, for motivation, scholarships and just, something for me. i want it so badly.

SPM; A MONTH AWAY

i know i haven't been blogging as much as i used to, but that does not mean the time spent not blogging is spent studying. it just doesn't feel right to blog to my heart's content, when i'm supposed to be working my arse off, even though in reality what i've been doing is waaay far from enough. unfinished homeworks, delayed study plan and all that craps i do all the time.

too many distractions, excuses, complications, matters, everything demanded by life, that i forget the student life i'm supposed to lead. this is what happens when you're used to it, you can't get rid of it.

SPM is not another exam i can study a day before and burn the midnight oil till dawn. i even think i was better prepared for PMR, when in fact SPM is the biggest thing now man. don't say "SPM is not the biggest thing, there are more important matters, there is life, there is hereafter...", well don't you think to compare what one hasn't experienced to another thing which obviously is far more significant, a bit immature? as a form 5 student, SPM is the world now. i've long realized that, but now it's time to act.

please, one month left. if i don't have enough will-power, can't even be disciplined and actually follow a routine in this one month, what will my life gonna be? SPM is a destination lurking behind the corner after a short corridor, but life is a an endless journey.

the tangled part: distractions and complications

please, change that attitude of yours, stop being a sloth, or the future is what you might loathe.

please, pray for us, SPM candidates. ya Allah The Generous One, grant us the best heart, the best determination, the best shape, the best emotion, the best skills and the best knowledge. ya Allah The Most Merciful, don't test us with any kind of trouble or misfortune, especially at this moment. ya Allah The All-Forgiving, accept our repentance, help those whose feelings we've hurt to forgive us, help us to offer forgiveness, clean our hearts to be a white slate. ya Allah The All-Knowing, helps us before, during, and after the exam. give us the best chance, so we can give the best attempt, and grant us the best results, straight A+'s. ya Allah the Answerer, answer our prayers as we desire, Amin.

Dengan ini, Bukan Keretapi Biasa secara rasminya disita buat sementara.

Insyaallah, jumpa lagi later!

Cara Saya Belajar, Part Two Lah Pula

2011-09-24T19:26:00.007+08:00

bukan cara saya belajar sangat pun, tapi apa yang saya buat agar tidak dapat keputusan peperiksaan yang menyebabkan hati remuk di dada. ini part 2 ya, part 1 di sini.

every single freaking time man

1. TIPS UNTUK GEGELZ

nampak tak gegelz tu? kalau bukan gegelz, yakni anda seorang jejaka, anda takleh baca. tulisan kaler pink ialah privasi perempuan. maka dipersilakan scroll sehingga nampak tulisan kaler putih, terima kasih.

PMS tidak seronok dialami pada hari biasa. apetah lagi pada hari periksa. senggugut takyah cerita, tak masuk lagi hormon tak menentu yang menyebabkan jiwa bergelora. masa ni jugak, kita gegelz cepat penat dan selalu tido. tido yang memang melampau pun lebih melampaui batas ketika ini.

serius, aku tak bercakap pasal aku. ini yang sesetengah perempuan hadapi.

boleh ke nak jawab exam dengan tenang? boleh ke nak study dengan semangat gila kentang? takde deee. ada hamba Allah ni, sehari sebelum subjek penting yang harus diulangkaji dengan gigih, dia mengalami sindrom ini. maka tidurlah dia dari zohor sampai maghrib.

serius, sekali lagi, bukan pasal aku.

jadi, belailah uterus masing-masing, pujuk dia menjalankan tugasnya masa subjek senang, takdelah terkesan sangat. buat, manelah tau mujarab. kalau mujarab, bagitau aku. aku pun tak pernah cuba. jadi kalau korang cuba, memang gila.

kalau nak cara yang kurang gila, apa lagi, doa lah. mengarut? lek lu. kalau Dia nak, Dia boleh je tahan uterus korang daripada menjalankan rutin bulanannye. ada hamba Allah, taktaulah sebab uterusnya buat perangai atau memang Allah makbulkan doa dia, habis periksa terus kena. late beberapa minggu, kalau dah kahwin tu dah teruja ingat dalam perut ada baby sebesar jari.

paling tak best period minggu exam bukan saje sebab emosi dan fizikal terganggu. tapi rohani pun terganggu juga. dah lah malas study, nak doa dan solat hajat pulak tak boleh. rugi, rugi.

jadi jika anda period ketika exam dan dapat keputusan tak memberangsangkan, salahkan kitaran menstruasi anda.

eh jejaka, kamu hensem. apa, terima kasih? kantoi baca tulisan pink. aku dah agak dah. gatal sangat nak baca hal pompuan. apa, curious? curious my cat.

2. Kismis dan Kimianya

setiap hari makan 7 biji. ada formula kata selang seli, mula-mula 7, pastu 5, pastu 3. alah takyah formula, belajar ada formula, takkan makan pun nak formula juga? ngap saja. kebaikan kismis: senang hafal, badan cergas, otak cerdas, supply energy, alah korang tau kan. jadi yang tak makan kismis tu kenapa?

lapar pula ketika sedang belajar sejarah

eh, mimpi jadi kenyataan ketika sedang belajar addmath!

dulu aku rajin gila makan kismis. kalau esok exam, memang aku letak kismis sebelah aku. ngantuk, makan kismis. bosan, makan kismis. lapar, makan kismis. nomnomnom.

tapi dulu jelah, sekarang ni malas. tengok tu nak spm ada je alasan untuk bagi tak berjaya. belajar kalau malas tu boleh terima. tapi makan pun malas taktaulah ape nak jadi.

3. Lukis Le, Mudah Aje

to make it clear, nota bukan semestinya tulisan. boleh juga jadi lukisan. tak masuk akal pun takpe, asal korang paham. kadang-kadang yang tak masuk akal tu lah yang lekat dalam fikiran. contohnye untuk licinkan pentadbiran, aku lukis gambar mop.

problem?

aku lukis macam Jose Rizal bunuh diri. padahal dia dihukum bunuh. sorry Jo :(

4. Tolonglah Jangan Putus Asa, Walaupun Tiada Apa Dalam Kepala

percayalah, aku faham perasaan tiada benda dalam otak dah untuk dicungkil. tapi tolonglah jangan tutup kertas, jangan tido, jangan termenung, jangan menyonteng kecuali exam Sivik dan PJK harharhar.

diconteng sewaktu trial Sivik dan PJK

Percayalah, mungkin korang memang tak tau, tapi tetiba dua minit sebelum hantar, dapat ilham nak hentam. dan surprise! hentaman korang itu mendapat markah penuh. rahsianya? teruskan fikir, teruskan pandang kertas walaupun taktau pape, teruskan berdoa, sebut nama Allah, tolonggg! dan bam! tetiba je tau nak hentam.

mungkin sebab minggu lepas korang tolong nenek sebelah beli kepek pedas kat mamak roti, mungkin sebab semalam korang tolong kawan korang beli kepok lekor sebab dia malas gi kantin, mungkin sebab pagi tadi korang cium mak korang, mungkin sebab korang buat apa-apa yang baik atau orang buat apa-apa yang tak baik kat korang, atau sebab Allah memang maha penyayang, maka kita tau jawapan kepada soalan yang baca pun rasa nak pengsan.

5. Nescafe di pagi hari? NOT A GOOD IDEA

nescafe bukan sahaja membantu korang berjaga sebab dadah di dalamnya (ye caffeine ialah dadah, sebab tu makin lama kita minum coffee, makin banyak paket yang diperlukan untuk mendapat hasil yang memuaskan), tapi korang juga konfem takkan ngantuk apabila pundi kencing menggila.

nescafe memang merangsang pengeluaran urine yang banyak, dan apabila rangsangan berlaku ketika menjawab peperiksaan, korang takkan tenang selagi tak keluarkan apa yang patut. dahlah saspen gila menjawab physics, baca soalan pun dah tak masuk otak, mengira pun tak kena, ini semua sebab kopi. true story.

dah langsaikan apa yang tak terlangsai tu, fuah lega. tapi eh, lagi 10 minit? lagi 10 soalan? maka 5 soalan tidak dijawab langsung pada hari itu.

6. Sila Jawab Dengan Over

tengok soalan jugaklah, ada soalan yang kalau jawab lebih dan bercanggah, akan salah. ada soalan yang jawab berjela, dan pemeriksa akan cari isi yang betul je.

apa yang terconteng kat atas kad tu, itulah summary table kat belakang tu. dah tak menyusahkan aku nak hafal table la ape la row la lajur la.

aku selalu stress lepas hantar paper, tapi orang pertikaikan dengan alasan "eleh, taktau pun jawab panjang jugaaak". kau tau tak kenapa aku jawab panjang? itu maknanya aku memang tak faham soalan, atau tak tau jawapan terus.

kalau aku konfiden, pendek, tepat dan padat je jawapan aku, relevan dengan markah dan baris yang diberi. kalau tak konfiden, tulisan penyek, siap masuk bahagian soalan lain lagi, tulis sampai hujung muka surat tu memang perlu, padahal tah tah takde isi.

aku jawab jela apa yang aku ingat. kalau betul, alhamdulillah. kalau salah, at least i've tried. kadang-kadang aku buat esei kat soalan 3 markah, tapi dengan keyakinan yang zero. aku takkan tinggalkan tempat kosong, aku mengarut dan melalut sampai aku puas hati.

alah, takyah malu kalau salah pun. cikgu je pun yang tau. takpe, cikgu tak gelak. kot.

7. Isi untuk Pertama Kali

serious, ini pengajaran yang paling banyak menampar pipiku masa trial ni.

lain kali kalau jumpa soalan yang taktau, agak-agak tau, tak konfem, lupa sikit-sikit, tolonglah tulis sesuatu. tolong! pastu bulatkanlah soalan tu, supaya kalau ada masa boleh refer dan rethink. tolonglah jangan tinggal kosong, tolong!

masalah berlaku apabila setiap kali jumpa soalan yang tak konfiden, aku akan tinggal dan beralih kepada soalan lain. lumrahnye memang soalan belakang akan lagi susah tahap apa entah dan tetiba, semua masa yang tinggal dihabiskan untuk soalan belakang tu je. tu pun masih ada yang tak sempat jawab. ada yang memang tau, tapi sebab menggelabah, tulis pun bersepah-sepah isi kadang betul kadang salah, nak betulkan pun tak kesah dah.

soalan depan apa cer? tinggallah begitu saje.

banyak terjadi trial ni ye, banyak terjadi. aku nak menangis air mata darah pun tak guna, jadi aku makan dan makan untuk lepas tensi.

esok trial Tasawwur baru harini nak buat notala baru nak baca first timela. susah sangat ke nak buat nota macamni awal-awal? kan senang, sampai trial je belek, baca. aku ni nak pilih combination kaler pen pun dah ambik lima minit.

bila aku dah buat siap satu post macamni, kalau ada yang masih mengata, cakap aku berlakonlah riaklah pula buat tips segala, aku memang takleh buat apa dahlah. Allah nak uji. aku taulah aku siapa, segan memangla sebenarnya nak buat post macamni. tapi ni peringatan untuk diri sendiri jugak. biasanya kita practice what we preach kan?

tak buat camni kang, mulalah "tak belajar konon, padahal takdelah teruk sangat pon".

sebelum buka mulut, pasang telinga dulu. bila masa aku cakap aku tak belajar? aku tak belajar hari-hari, tapi aku belajar dalam sehari dua before exam, dah belajar sehari tu, sedar-sedarlah diri struggle sikit. orang lain tusyen, ada disiplin, rajin, aku tak. jadi aku takdela nak buat perangai malas hari sebelum exam tu, aku masih ada otak.

tapi memandangkan aku manusia biasa, perasaan malas tu mesti ada... alasan!

k gudlak kepada adik-adik yang bakal menduduki PMR (adik-adik? dorang lagi besar daripada kaula! eh biarlah nak bermanja dengan junior), dan gudlak kepada kawan-kawan yang sama-sama bakal menduduki SPM lagi 50 HARI DOH, LIMA PULUH, dan kepada adik-adik darjah 6, untunglah dah habis UPSR.

untunglah.

Cara Saya Belajar, Nak Tau Sangat Kan?

2011-08-27T11:06:00.011+08:00

Raya lagi beberapa hari. Trial lagi seminggu. tapi bila tiba mood cuti, dengan otomatik kita tutup buku. ehehe.

aku terpaksa buat post ni sebab aku malas dengar orang cakap aku berlakon dan menipu apabila aku tak setuju dengan pendapat dorang pasal cara aku belajar. apa motif aku nak berlakon dan menipu pun aku taktau. kau tau? kenapa kau tau? kau buat ke semua tu?

dah baca sila like. aku baru je tambah like button, thanks to Shasha, yang bagitau camne nak buat. skeati ah kalau takde sape nak like pun, bak kata korang, aku kan attention seeker, pelakon hebat. tak dapat anugerah, dapat like pun cukuplah, betul taaaaaak?

sebelum aku mulakan sesi berkongsi tips, korang kena baca benda yang korang dah salu bace. aku tak belajar hari-hari, aku juga tak belajar ikut mood, sebab mood tak pernah ada. aku akan ulang benda ni selagi ada orang tak faham bahasa.

aku dah cakap tak guna tanya aku, aku bukan sesape pun. tapi sebab korang nak tau sangat camne aku belajar, so this post is for you lah. takdelah cara aku belajar pun, tapi apa yang aku buat. taktau membantu ke tak. sekarang baca, jangan banyak bunyi.

1. Siapkan homework

walaupun tak tido. walaupun google. walaupun "nak tiru?", kata dia "tapi kita taktau betul ke tak!", kata aku "ah kesah apa aku", seraya merembat homework beliau. buat homework boleh jadi cara belajar kalau buat untuk faham, bukan untuk tak kena marah dengan cikgu. kalau tak, buang masa je, sebab kerja asal siap memang takkan masuk dalam otak punya.

kadang-kadang rasa buat homework ni bukan belajar pun. sebab mindset nak siap je, by hook or by crook. tak kesahlah tak faham satu haram pun, asal siap, boleh bukak facebook. tapi percayalah, homework kalau tak tolong korang faham, tapi tolong dapat berkat tau.

2. Solat Hajat

masa nak PMR dulu, aku agak konsisten. dari awal tahun, kalau ada masa aku buat. mula-mula jarang-jarang, tapi lama-lama makin rajinlah nak buat selalu, makin rasa takde apa nak sujud lama ulang benda sama pun. bukan doa untuk study je, tapi doa untuk benda lain jugak.

tapi sekarang, astaghfirullah. tak macam dulu. aku frust jugak, kenapa aku sekarang macamni. buat bila terpaksa, bila nak periksa. haish.

3. Doa Doa Doa

yelah semua orang tau kuasa doa, doa tu senjata kita. tapi korang takkan faham selagi takde apa jadi untuk korang betul-betul NAMPAK kuasa doa tu.

ambik masa untuk doa betul-betul. bukan setakat rutin sebelum belajar. beli buku doa. aku ada dua buku doa yang aku guna sejak sekolah rendah sampai sekarang. percaya yang Allah akan bantu kita. kan Allah bertindak macam mana kita expect Dia bertindak? Allah maha mendengar, Allah malu kalau tangan kita yang menadah tu Dia pulangkan kosong.

bukannya kita fikir ah lantaklah, tak belajar pun, jahat pun, Allah tolong jugak. bukan camtu. Allah tau niat kita, ikhlas kita dalam mana. kalau rasa tak terdaya, takde harapan, mintak kat Allah. mengaku kita lemah, kita takde kuasa apa-apa kalau Allah tak izinkan.

takyah formal, tunggu atas sejadah pakai telekung segala. masa form 3, aku ada classmate yang masa hujan je, dia akan menghadap kiblat dan tadah tangan. kitorang pun ikut dia buat macamtu, masing-masing dengan doa sendiri, tapi satu tujuan. jangan lupa doa untuk kawan-kawan.

doa je bila-bila yang afdal. lepas mengaji, antara azan dengan iqamat, sebelum berbuka, sebelum tido, banyak lagi. tak payah beriya pun takpe, daripada ambik masa 15 minit nak doa tapi malas buat selalu, baik ambik masa 3 minit je tapi buat setiap kali ada peluang, kan?

ada hadis ke apa tah, yang bunyinye lebih kurang: hilang berkat hidup seorang anak apabila tiada lagi tiada lagi ibunya untuk mendoakannya. first time aku baca benda ni, aku menangis.

so, minta mak korang doa untuk korang. doa mak sangat mustajab. mak aku, setiap anak dia kalau exam, aku PMR kat sekolah atau abang2 aku exam dekat US dulu, dia akan bangun awal, solat, doa untuk kitorang. ya allah terharu. padahal anak dia ni tertidur atas buku.

apa yang buat aku malu, aku rasa kalau aku dapat result elok, tu semua sebab doa. peranan aku sangat sedikit. memang semuanya Allah yang tolong, Alhamdulillah.

4. Mengaji

bila frust dengan buku rujukan, cari buku Allah. if you're in my shoes, studying very late at night due to procrastination is common. so sometimes, macam nak menangis je. esok paper, malam ni mempersoalkan kenapalah aku tak belajar awal-awal. next time buat lagi, elok sangat lettew.

silalah baca Al-Quran. bukan je jadi tenang, tapi proses menghafal pun senang. jangan rasa study last minute tak sempat nak mengaji. kalau tengah tensyen, bukak Al-Quran, rasa taknak tutup. korang akan lagi rela mengaji semalaman daripada hadap lagi satu muka surat Add Math.

tapi janganlah tak buat Add Math terus, itu bunuh diri namanya.

5. Usaha

janganlah pulak bergantung kat Allah je, rasa dah doa, dah solat, dah mengaji, cukup. your own efforts are taken into account ya nooo.

usaha ada macam-macam. contohnya, obsesi aku buat nota Sejarah siap berkomik bagai ialah satu usaha. apa yang aku conteng mungkin tak masuk pun dalam kepala otak aku, tapi masuk dalam kategori usaha. dan siapa berusaha, insyaAllah dapat hasilnye.

mungkin orang lain tak faham kenapa korang buat macam tu, rasa tak perlu, buang masa. korang pun tak faham, rasa apa korang buat tu tak guna. tapi insyaAllah tak sia-sia semua tu.

asalkan ada effort.

6. Jangan Buat Benda Bukan-Bukan

aku faham, susah nak berhenti buat salah kalau dah terbiasa. tapi meh cuba sama-sama. mungkin kita tak buat macamtu masa nak exam je mula-mula, tapi lama-lama kita tak buat terus for good. everything begins with a single step, even if it seems pointless.

semua orang ada dosa yang susah untuk tak buat. jadi apa yang kita kuat untuk elak, kita elak. mana yang boleh betulkan, kita betulkan.

benda bukan-bukan yang kita buat mungkin takde kaitan dengan pelajaran, tapi percayalah, semua benda berkait dalam hidup ni. apa yang kau buat kat Allah, orang, binatang, alam, kat apa-apa jelah, mungkin cari kau balik dalam dewan peperiksaan nanti.

7. Belajar Macam Bersyarah

bila menghafal, amatlah bosan. bila bosan, kita akan tertidur. bangun-bangun tengok dah subuh. lagi lapan bab belum cover. menangislah dalam shower. eh asal cam familiar.

sila bercerita apa yang korang sedang baca, lengkap dengan gaya tangan sekali, kepada siapa? siapa-siapa pun boleh. kawan imaginasi, teddy bear berair liur basi, atau diri sendiri.

aku salu cakap dengan diri sendiri. penat woh. aku tanya, aku jawab. busy gila.

diri 1: ni aku tanya, kau faham tak ni?
diri 2: faham kot...
diri 1: hah cuba cerita balik!
diri 2: *bercerita sambil tangan digayakan*
diri 3: eh salah fakta tu!
diri 2: *betulkan fakta dengan merujuk buku*
diri 1: tahniah! kau dah faham! sekarang boleh tido.
diri 2 dan 3: LAGI 100 MUKA SURAT, KAU DAH GILA?

rasa aku gila? silakan. siapa suruh nak belajar macam aku. tapi penat gak cara macamni, boleh hilang suara.

kata lah nak hafal satu ayat ni: James Brook bukan Justin Bieber, penghibur yang digilai ramai tanpa anda pun tahu sebabnya, tapi penjajah yang dibenci kerana menguasai Sarawak pada zaman pra-merdeka.

ayat 1: Justin Bieber bukan James Brook, penjajah yang dibenci kerana menguasai Sarawak pada zaman pra-merdeka, tapi penghibur yang digilai ramai tanpa anda pun tahu sebabnya.

ayat 2: Persamaan Justin Bieber dan James Brook ialah intial dorang, JB. perbezaan dorang ialah Bieber artis yang orang suka, aku pun tak faham. tapi Brook dulu penguasa Sarawak, memang dibenci ikut suka hati dia je bakar kampung orang.

ayat 3: kenal JB tak? alah yang gurlz selalu suka tu. aku taktau asal. itu Justin Bieber, bukan James Brook. James Brook hidup zaman sebelum merdeka, dia yang pegang Sarawak. Justin Bieber pegang si Gomez tu apa pun tak dapat.

pusinglah sampai semua jenis ayat korang dah buat, dan takde lagi ayat merapu yang korang tau. konfem melekat dalam otak apa yang korang baru mengarutkan itu. kait dengan benda lain yang korang dah belajar, contoh ayat 2. jangan belajar baca buku macamtu je, cepat lupa.

8. Reka Cara untuk Ingat Apa-Apa

aku guna cara sendiri untuk ingat something. mengarut dan tak masuk akal pada orang lain pun ada, but to me it means everything. kalau belajar, biasanya aku pegang pen, sedia untuk menyonteng.

kadang-kadang aku lukis, buat cerita, conteng arrow merata-rata, buat nota kecik, tulis apa yang korang faham secara sendiri benda yang takde dalam buku, apa-apa jelah. kalau ada pen kat tangan tu, idea mesti datang untuk buat belajar lagi senang.

aku tak suka hafal fungsi jawatankuasa yang banyak gila masa nak bentuk Malaysia dulu, contohnye JPPK. so, aku buat setiap initial JPPK jadi fungsi dia.

J- jelaskan penubuhan Malaysia
P- perbincangan perkara berkaitan penubuhan
P- pandangan dikemukakan dan dikumpulkan
K- kegiatan ke arah pembentukan digalakkan

lagi satu, JAK. Jak ni macam ada bunyi bahasa Sarawak sikit. so selain rangka perlembagaan, fungsi JAK ni ada kena mengena dengan SS (Sabah and Sarawak).

J- jelaskan penubuhan kepada SS
A- and = dan, dan dalam bahasa Arab = wa, wa- wajarkan kemasukan SS
K- kepentingan SS dibincangkan

begitulah.

9. Highlighter is My Bestfriend~

aku tak faham macam mana ada orang boleh belajar dengan buku yang putih bersih tanpa warna warni pelangi highliter. itu mungkin keistimewaan dorang, tapi bukan keistimewaan aku.

aku rasa rimas tengok kosong je buku, tak pening ke banyak sangat ayat kena baca? cuba highlight isi penting atau keyword je. lagi senang baca sekali pandang. dah nama pun sekali pandang, pandang sekali je nampak terus perkataan tu memancar, takyah nak baca satu perenggan, baru nak cari point, buang masa.

selain highlighter, pen pun membantu. untuk emphasisekan isi yang patut tahu tapi tak penting sangat. tak kesahlah, asalkan janganlah baca buku yang macam baru beli dari kedai je.

10. Buat Nota

kalau ada apa-apa yang aku rajin buat, aku rajin buat nota. mungkin sebab aku suka conteng kot. tenang je rasa buat nota ni, bahagia je bermain dengan imaginasi.

korang boleh susun isi macam mana korang nak. aku rasa cara penyampaian buku rujukan agak tak best. tak convenient untuk senang faham, senang kaitkan, senang hafal. sebab tu lah aku buat nota sendiri.

aku buat nota bukan sebab cikgu nak, tapi sebab aku nak baca time exam. senang belajar guna nota sendiri. sebab kita yang lukis, kita tahu bentuk dia. kadang-kadang masa exam, aku ingat rupa nota aku. kadang-kadang aku conteng balik nota tu.

aku taktau apa masalah aku tahun ni. nota pun tak bergerak macam dulu. last year, ada dua buku nota agama. this year, buku first tak guna sampai separuh pun. last year, Sejarah buat sampai bab 7 kot. tahun ni sampai bab 5 je. plislaa, ini satu-satunya benda yang kau rajin dengan rela. tu pun takkan tak istiqamah kot.

11. DO OR DIE

aku belajar gila bapak last minute. jadi struggle waktu tu pun gila bapak lah jugak, takkan kau nak goyang kaki je kalau baru mula belajar sehari sebelum exam, betul tak? dahlah biasa malam baru mood nak belajar datang.

jadi kena tido SEKURANG-KURANGNYA pukul 3 pagi. kena. kalau tak, mati.

woah saiko gila.

sediakan stok nescafe kat rumah. makin lama hubungan dengan nescafe, makin banyak paket yang diperlukan untuk mengekalkan hubungan itu. kalau tak, tak terasa kehangatannya. tapi kafein ni tak elok diminum tau. caffeine ialah penyelesaian terakhir bagi kami yang dah tak boleh nak tolong dengan cara lain dah. jadi selagi mata boleh bertahan secara semula jadi, janganla gatal nak teguk. kang jadi caffeine-dependent, selagi tak pekena nescafe, kerja apa pun tak jalan, macam mamat bawah ni.

tips lain untuk stay up:

stop untuk berdoa. stop untuk buat concert. kadang-kadang apa yang kita perlukan hanyalah pegang sikat, satu tangan dihayun mengikut jenis lagu, jiwang atau putus cinta. mimik muka harus beriya, barulah fresh sikit mata. stop untuk tido sekejap. tapi ini amat sukar dilakukan, silap-silap buka mata tengok dah pagi, meraung tak berlagu lah kau. stop untuk berhubung dengan orang lain, phone or internet or mak yang masih tidak tidur menghadap tv di bawah. stop untuk tengok tv. berapa banyak stop daa, sudahnya aku ke mana belajar ke mana.

12. Dream BIG

orang taknak target tinggi sebab taknak kecewa. itu salah sama sekali. korang target, bukan expect. target ialah pencapaian, expect ialah personal.

kita target sebelum exam, supaya kita semangat nak buat apa-apa untuk capai target tu. tapi pas exam, pas dah tau susah senang paper tu, let go lah. mula expect macamana outcome tu, outstanding atau out tak boleh blah.

korang takut target A+ sebab takut tak dapat buat. bila target A+, dapat B, memang frust, tapi sebenarnya result korang ok. korang je rasa tak ok sebab tak dapat A+. apa yang korang rasa tak penting, yang penting apa yang ada dalam slip tu. samalah conceptnya kalau cepat puas hati dengan gred yang rendah, kan. kita target C, kita dapat C. wah, capai target! puas hati. kita rasa ok, padahal C tu tidak ok sebenarnya. tapi tengok standard korang lah jugak.

dream big, tapi jangan tak masuk akal. kalau aku nak mimpi dapat AddMath 100, itu tak masuk akal, itu waaaay beyond my standard. oleh itu kena sedar diri. tapi masih dream big, contohnya aku boleh dapat A dalam Addmath. haa camtu la. asalkan target lagi tinggi daripada yang korang biasa dapat, dan korang tau korang boleh dapat walaupun susah. believe in yourself.

but so what if your targets are waaaaay beyond your standard? nobody has to know.

ingat, kita target, bukan expect.

13. Jaga Hati tu

apa yang kita ada sekarang, bila-bila je Allah boleh tarik balik. kalau dapat result yang boleh dibanggakan, jangan bangga. fikir yang tu Allah tolong, kita tak lebih apa pun daripada orang lain. keep your feet on the ground, lower your head without a sound. orang boleh cakap kita riak, poyo, tapi Allah can see through the deepest pit in your soul, he knows where you stand.

jangan perkecilkan orang lain kalau dorang taktau apa yang kita tau, jangan dengki dengan orang yang tau apa kita taktau. jangan ada perasaan yang korang pun tau sendiri, kotorkan hati korang. jangan benci-benci.

14. Fikir Kejayaan, Bukan Kegagalan

macam orang lain, aku gerun bila fikir kalau aku fail. tapi takde efek. ketakutan tu tak cukup kuat utk push aku. sebab aku fikir, kalau tak dapat macam apa aku nak, dapat B, bukannya teruk sangat pun. bukan mati pun.

tapi aku akan semangat bila aku bayangkan perasaan kalau dapat apa aku nak. ingat bila dapat highest? ingat bila dapat straight A? bila aku ingat perasaan tu, aku nak lagi. aku nak lagi rasa macamtu, so aku mula buat apa yang perlu.

my will to win is greater than my fear of failure.

15. Berkat

berkat is everything man, everything. you can study like hell, but when you don't have enough berkat, you're doomed.

cuba jangan buat benda yang boleh hilangkan berkat Allah, mak bapak, cikgu-cikgu, kawan-kawan, jangan buat masalah dengan sesiapa jelah. mungkin masalah yang kita buat tu dorang tak nampak, taktau, tapi berkat masih ditolak dalam report card kita.

kadang-kadang orang tak tunjuk dia sakit hati, jadi takde hal la kita ingat. kadang-kadang orang tu sangat sakit hati, tapi sebab dia pemaaf, kita selamat. buat solat taubat, biar feeling. biar Allah tau kita menyesal jadi hamba Dia yang perangai tah hape-hape. minta maaf, biar ikhlas. tak tenang kang ambik periksa, time tu lah nak lupa, nak taktau, nak blur.

jadi sorry, semua orang. aku memang ada buat salah. sometimes sengaja, sometimes taktau pun salah aku apa. aku harap korang maafkan aku, kadang-kadang aku buat macamtu bersebab (sebab korang jugak muahaa ok sirius). tapi bersebab tak menghalalkan cara. minta maaf zahir batin semua, selamat hari raya :)

ohbaidewei, aku memang dah lama berdendam dengan Kementerian Pelajaran. ada masalah ke ngan kitorang hah? mula-mula naikkan gred 75 jadi A-. sekarang trial lepas raya. kenapa kau kejam sangat hah?

aku tak kesah. raya tetap raya.

Kenapa Anti-Salam Perantau?

2011-08-20T17:45:00.013+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

trend nak raya ni, semua paper mesti tetiba ada satu column khas, dua page siap berkaler bagai. column apa? column salam perantau lah derrr.

standardla, perantau yang dok kat luar negara, tak kesahlah study ke kerja ke kahwin lari ke, mesti berebut-rebut hantar gambar kat ruang salam perantau kan? perantau yang dok kat dalam negara, tak payah nak hantar gambar, hantar kad raya je sudah.

standardlah juga, mesti ada penduduk tetap di Malaysia yang suka naaa rasa tak puas hati terhadap para perantau yang mukanya berada dalam surat khabar, lalu memerli mereka dan memberi kritikan pedas, kenapa dah tak tahan duduk Malaysia yang panas?

aku serius tak paham kenapa.

satu alasan logik yang aku boleh fikirkan ialah mereka ini jeles. orang jeles suka tak puas hati, suka jadi haters. eh tapi itu pendapat aku laa, kalau ada sebab lain, mana aku tau. aku tak faham asal orang nak benci-benci, jadi manelah aku faham otak mereka ni.

Suka hati dia lah nak tangkap gambar macam mana punnn

lainlah kalau dia pinjam camera kau pastu buat harta, mungkin ada rasionalnya di situ.

tapi kalau tak puas hati sebab dia hantar gambar main salji padahal sekarang summer bukan winter, apa kesss. eh tapi sape kata satu dunia semua sama, asal summer je sekarang, asal winter je masa Christmas. tu laa masa cikgu ajar Geografi tingkatan 1, tak beri perhatian. berangan memanjang.

biarlaaa dia, siapa yang duduk Malaysia tak teruja main salji memang penipu. kalau korang masuk tempat salji tipu kat Genting Highland tu pun, tah tah taknak keluar. mainlah sampai beku.

dia nak tunjuklaa keterujaan dia tu. salah ke? korang sikit-sikit masuk gambar kat facebook, takpe pulak, padahal bukan buat apa pun. buat mulut jegilkan mata je tau.

Suka hati dia lah nak tangkap gambar dengan apa punnn

tangkap gambar dengan Eiffel Tower pun bising. tangkap gambar dengan piramid pun kecoh.

habis nak tangkap gambar kat mana lagi? takkanlah nak hantar gambar bilik sewa kot?

"kepada mak dan abah, lihatlah anakmu ini berhempas pulas belajar di Mesir. menarik kan bilik sewa saya yang dipenuhi poster? mengagumkan tak bangunan assignment dan buku saya? indahnya pemandangan ini".

duh.

Zaman sekarang orang guna internet, tak baca paper dah

siapa kata siaaaapaaa kataa?

hari-hari aku melanguk hadap internet tapi surat khabar masih menjadi pujaan hati. kalau dah malas membaca, tak payahlah jadikan asalan tak relevan hantar muka gembira di luar negara dalam paper sebab semua orang tekan click je sekarang.

memanglah ada facebook, ada skype, ada segala, upload jelah gambar kat situ kan? sekejap je satu dunia dah boleh tengok, mak bapak yang kerinduan siap boleh save buat wallpaper lagi.

tapi bukan semua mak bapak atuk nenek pakcik saudara ibu susuan pandai layan internet. kalau kita buang masa layan internet, orang kampung buang masa belek paper kat kedai kopi tu. eh tapi sekarang bulan puasa... k so dorang belek paper kat rumah, atau kat masjid. bolehlah bangga satu kampung tengok anak Pak Meon dalam paper, ye tak?

"jadi manusia jugak budak tu, dulu menghendap anak aku je tau," kata Pak Munawe. Pak Meon hanya tersengih bangga menyeka air mata. di satu pekan yang lain, Cikgu Bedah menatap foto bekas anak muridnya di hadapan Big Ben, London, dengan ucapan "tak lupa kepada Cikgu Bedah, kalau kerja cikgu dulu tak melibas orang dengan rotan hari-hari, sudah tentu saya tidak berada di sini," Cikgu Bedah sebak di dada.

kan bagus tu, anak-anak gantung sijil, mak bapak pulak letak keratan akhbar dalam frame gantung kat dinding.

takyah orang kampung, ada jugak orang bandar yang tak bukak komputer ok. ada yang tak minat, ada yang tak perlu, ada juga yang tak tau. yela, bukan semua orang takde life hari-hari main game, blogging, stalking je kerja ennn.

Jangan Benci, Tapi Jadikan Motivasi

dari kecik aku suka baca ruang salam perantau tu. selain abang-abang aku yang belajar kat sana, aku dah berangan nak belajar kat oversea sebelum tadika lagi sebab ni la.

sebab aku suka tengok gambar dorang main salji, dengan kawan-kawan posing depan universiti, atau berlatarbelakangkan pemandangan dan tempat yang memang takde kat sini.

aku kagum bila fikir usaha dorang untuk sampai situ. bukan senang tau, bukan semua orang bertuah. bukan semua orang rajin belajar dan dapat keputusan cemerlang. bukan semua orang yang dapat keputusan cemerlang dapat biasiswa, bukan semua dapat peluang.

aku sekarang baca ucapan dorang untuk cari nama sekolah je. sikit-sikit MRSM, SBP, sekolah sains, sekolah agama, aku bosan faham tak bosan? seingat aku tak pernah aku baca ucapan yang ada sebut sekolah harian, sekolah biasa. agaknya kalau nampak perkataan MRSM Serting, aku koyak terus kot. jangan tanya kenapa, ada emosi mendalam disebalik itu ye.

ruang tu buat budak sekolah macam aku ni, walaupun pemalas, walaupun taktau apa cita-cita, tapi ada matlamat, ada angan-angan.

satu hari nanti, Insyaallah, aku nak pergi sana. aku nak tangkap gambar elok-elok, aku nak hantar gambar aku, ikut tradisi perantau terdahulu. aku nak buat ucapan

"kepada Mama, kepada keluarga, kepada sahabat handai, kepada jiran tetangga dan bekas guru-guru di SK Lembah Keramat dan SMK Lembah Keramat, terimalah salam perantau ini. sayang dan rindu kamu semua, terkilan tidak dapat pulang beraya (smiley sedih). p/s: tak balik pun takpe, dah jumpa yang sepesel untuk teman anakanda di sini hik hik"

sebelum ini semua berlaku, nampaknya aku kena belajar dahulu.

BUKU MANA BUKU?!

Tolonglah Belajar, Tolonglah!

2011-08-13T03:23:00.009+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

aku tau aku cakap aku taknak blog, tapi bak kata blogger, blog aku suka hati aku la kan?

ikut resmi Keretapi, tak normal lah kalau aku tak membebel pasal exam, betul tak? kalau dah bosan baca aku bebel, dipersilakan beram.. berlalu pergi. bacalah blog lain yang lebih berguna. baca buku ke, yelah korang semua kan rajin rajin. aku jelah yang malas sorang kaaan, yeeee lah.

masalahnya memang betul pun tau.

minggu depan ada praSPM. beberapa minggu depan ada trial SPM.

aku tak belajar satu haram pun lagi.

cakaplah aku penipu, cakaplah aku kaki temberang, cakaplah aku palsu. macamlah aku tak biasa korang cakap aku macamtu, kan?

akan sampai satu masa bila korang akhirnya dapat muatkan sedikit logik dalam pemikiran korang yang tak berapa nak luas tu bahawa... manusia lain-lain bro. lain-lain. jangan sebab aku tak bertindak macam orang lain, sebab aku tak berperangai macam korang, korang tak percaya satu benda pun yang keluar dari mulut aku. aku tak macam korang mungkin sebab aku pelik, mungkin sebab aku... unik.

haa menyampah lah tu menyampah.

taklah, aku tak unik. haa suka lah tu suka.

aku cuma pemalas. pemalas yang korang takkan faham macam mana, unless korang duduk serumah dengan aku. baru korang tau betapa tabahnya mak aku besarkan aku 17 tahun ni. aku takdelah pemalas sangat, aku cuma suka, em suka... suka tak buat pape.

ok takdelah pemalas sampai tak boleh buat bini ok aku boleh jadi bini ok. nanti aku cari lah mana-mana bibik, itu pun susah ke. tak, serious ni. aku boleh buat kerja rumah. tapi aku tak boleh buat kerja sekolah.

aku tak sangka aku akan jadi budak form 5 yang lagi sebulan nak trial tapi bila buat latihan, menganga. salahkan soalan. kenapa kau susah sangat? bila masa aku belajar kau? sambil belek buku. setiap soalan tengok buku. macam takde pape dalam otak ni. tepu.

aku tau aku pemalas tapi takdelah sampai tahap ni.

masa form 3, aku janji kat diri sendiri aku takkan ulang perangai tak semenggah camni masa form 5. tapi hampa, nampaknya makin teruk tabiat burukku ini.

seperti semua tahu, aku ada masalah tidur. kalau masalah tak boleh tidur tu orang panggil imsonia, masalah tak boleh tak tidur aku ni takde nama lagi. masalah ni memberi motivasi untuk aku jadi saintis dan buat kajian untuk buktikan masalah ni memang wujud.

bahawa aku seorang pesakit. bukan seorang pemalas. bahawa aku memang tak dapat kawal masalah ni. bukannya aku sengaja nak tidur ikut suka hati.

kalau time form 3 dulu seminggu sebelum PMR pun aku nak tidur petang tak ingat dunia, takpelah jugak. ada subjek yang dengar cikgu ajar dalam kelas pun boleh cover. tapi bila form 5 ni, subjek yang dalam kelas dengar cikgu ajar pun, masih blur.

minum nescafe? aku dah kebal kot. aku teguk satu teko pun tak tentu mata terbuka tau tak.

this always happens. the next morning i wake up with regret, but i never learn.

aku takut aku tak tahan je nak belajar last minute gila-gila macam biasa. kalau aku belajar last minute macam tu tido tak cukup pun, sah-sah tak sempat cover semua.

tolonglah jangan buat perangai tolonglah. aku nak SPM kot. ye memang aku sedar, memang aku nak bertindak. cuma mata aku macam tak faham bahasa, seolah-olah dia mempunyai otak sendiri yang mengawal aktiviti tutup kelopak matanya tanpa mengira masa.

aku bukan tak belajar sebab poyo, aku tak belajar sebab... aku pun taktau lah doh.

aku taktau nak buat ape dah. tolonglah.

help me.

History of Harry Potter and Me: Our Journey

2011-07-23T15:01:00.007+08:00

Let me tell you how I have come to love Harry Potter, every bit of it.

from the first line to the last

Hatred at theFirst Sight

My older brotherwho’s in his twenties, a workaholic engineer, was watching Sorcerer’s Stone ontv. He called me and said “watch this. It’s a great movie, about magic”.

I saw some specialeffects. I rolled my eyes. It didn’t interest me at all, in fact it annoyed me.Why would i watch a magical story which was not real? Nothing but a crappy lie.

he was there from the very start until the very end. i envy him.

I don’t knowwhy, but i hated it so much. I thought i was matured enough; i wouldn’t wastemy time liking kiddie stuff.

It was only aglance; i didn’t give it a chance. I hated Harry Potter. And i was only 8.

Love on theFirst Page

When i was 9, iwas at a bookstore; i saw an array of Harry Potter books. For unknown reasons,i shifted my attention to the series, something which had never happened.

I checked thetitles one by one, read the synopsis. I bought book 2, Chamber of Secrets,which was in malay version. Harry Potter dan Bilik Rahsia caught my eyesbecause i loved being secretive, i loved secrets.

I finished it inone day. I wasted no more ignorant time; i went to the same bookstore. And ibought book 1. i never had this feeling before.

I liked readingbooks. But i had never been this so much in love.

When people saythe usual “don’t hate someone, you might love them someday, to the day youdie”. I believe them.

It might not bea person, but i have been in love with something more for 8 years and stillcounting. Never stop counting.

Putera BerdarahSeparuh

When i was 11,Book 6 came out. I went to the bookstore as soon as i could.

But it was toosoon. i had been waiting for this moment for long, yet there i was standing infront of the rack, unable to find the malay version. It was yet to bepublished. I stared at the title Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince.

What the hellwas ‘half-blood’? Putera Berdarah Separuh? I couldn’t understand the meaning,how could i understand the whole book?

Finally afterfacing internal dilemma, i bought it.

my English improved drastically. i started to love learning a second language, maybe becausei actually love the teacher this time.

I wasn’t raised in an English-speaking family. But people still ask me, how do i manage towrite and speak, yes, not as excellent as some, but able still?

Well, how do youthink i got started?

11 and Waiting

I always knewHarry Potter wasn’t real, it’s only another story. I’ve never waited forHogwarts letter to be brought in by an owl, or for Prof Dumbledore to come explaining to my Muggle family who i really was and where i reallybelonged.

But it’ssomething i have imagined. How i was a Muggleborn, or a half blood, my dad wasone of them, i would run through the barrier and be on the train to Hogwarts,get sorted, stay in a hostel where the food’s actually good, and get good resultsin OWL and NEWT.

I dreamt of it,especially when i was lonely, sad, angry, or just fed up facing my life.Whenever i was sick of my own world, i’d go to the place where everything’smagical.

Going Home toDeathly Hallows

In 2007, i wasin MRSM Serting. I knew the finale book was to be published, it was everywhere.Everyday i checked the newspapers and if there were articles, or images, anythingrelated to Harry Potter, i would paste them on my table in my class.

Whenever icalled my mom, i’d remind her “Ma, remember to buy it on the first day, fansare ready to queue around the block and many have already pre-ordered. ask anyone to go to the midnight launching for me, pleaseee?”

On 21.7, icalled my mom and before i could even ask, she told me that my Deathly Hallowswas safe in my room. My brother went to buy it very early in the morning andyes, people were queuing. But it was mine now, waiting at home sweet home.

It was one ofthe happiest days in my depressing Serting life.

And one of the saddest day in my entire life.

When i was akid, they were, too.

When Harry sawhis dead parents in the mirror of erised and never wanted to look away, i couldimagine how he felt. When he felt trapped, wanted to escape,i was with him. We had our chances. It worked for him, but not for me.

Ron was worriedhe couldn’t do enough to make his parents proud, because everything was alreadyachieved by his older brothers. we both felt overshadowed.

Hermione, theonly person who might understand me. Many experiences we shared, many emotionswe felt, many goals we target. We could sit down and talk all day.

Together we jointhe battle of adolescence.

Boilinghormones, emotional fights, haters gonna hate, rumours spread and beingwhispered behind our backs, broken hearts and ruined friendships, between doubtsand trust, true friends remain loyal and stand up to your enemies whether itwas a blond brat or a noseless nemesis, blushing before first crush, jealousykills, love found and love lost.

When there aretimes to handle the real world, i am not alone.

Some reporterstell lies. Newspapers are not the most reliable news source. Every ministry iscorrupted. Powerful people do anything to bury the truth and to get what theywant. Politics are dirty, the right people never win, their voices unheard.Innocent people are framed to look guilty, bad people walk away freely. Enemiesput on a disguise and destroy us from the inside, or come public, share thehatred, and make us hide. Citizens are the victims to unjust government. Theworld, magical or muggle, are both unfair.

Reading HarryPotter, you’re learning about everything.

Love Is the MostPowerful Magic

In HP, you read how a motherdied protecting her baby, thus giving him some sort of a protection which makesit impossible for enemies to harm the baby until he comes of age. How a manbelongs to the darkness, but for love, he changes his route, pretends to stillbe someone evil when secretly he’s the hero, the bravest man i ever knew.How a devastated motherly woman killed for the agony of losing a dear son. How the devil's follower has the gut to lie to her master about a matter of life and death which contributes to the victory of the good side, all because of her love as a mother.

It’s not darkmagic, it’s not special talents, it’s only love which gives Harry the abilitydefeat evil, which makes him The Chosen One whose destiny has been set instone, no where to run. Love is what Harry’s got, and what Voldy knows not.

Death happens

You might notknow how it feels, because it’s not happening to you. But in HP, parents die,friends die, teachers die, neighbours die, siblings die, people die.

I cried readingevery single death scene. Sometimes tears just swam in my eyes; sometimes ittook me hours to stop crying. Because i know first hand, that deaths hurt.Deaths kill us, the livings who have to endure the pain. Deaths changeeverything. You read in newspapers that a mother died, and feel sorry. Moveon to the next page. But her husband and children won’t. They’ll keep mourning.

In HP, it makeslosing loved ones seem more real. That it didn’t only happen to me. Becausebefore knowing Harry, i never knew anyone else who had lost someone important.It gave the younger version of me someone to share my sorrow with.

You don’t likeHarry Potter?

I too, hatedHarry Potter. Thinking magic wasn’t for me, i preferred something ‘deep’ and‘real’. Give it a chance. It turns out to be deeper and more real than anythingfictional.

You hate themovies?

That’s thereason why i hated if at first. But love lies hidden between words, not shownby something obvious. JKR isn’t the only billionaire writer for nothing, youknow.

she writes with both imagination and heart. for every character and storyline there's a depth, an inspiration, a motivation, a history, an the right intention. she doesn't just write. she does more.

someone who has been through the worst is able to write the best story

You are a fan ofthe movies, but never read a page?

Do you know howto have a complete Harry Potter experience? The books. Where it all started. If you don't read the books, there are so many things you don't even know because the books are just the secret passageway to the real magical world. Think you've seen enough? The movies don’t even come close. Magic is not to be seen, but to be read.

The saddest partabout the best thing is, others don’t understand

I used to bealone when i started Harry Potter. People laugh at me for taking something soseriously, they think it’s crazy. They think i’m a nerd who has nothing bettergoing on.

Avada Kedavrathem, they don’t know a thing.

But now thanksto the internet, i’ve found people around the world who understand meperfectly. We might be worlds apart, but when it comes to this, we’re together.

I don’t feelalone now.

The End ofSomething

The ending issignificant to me because i feel like this ending is the beginning of me beingan adult. of not only being the girl who spends countless hours leaving thisworld where horrible things happen and entering a world of magic that's stilltrue to some parts of our lives, but i have to start making magic happens.

I’m 17 and it's time to be somebody. The timing is perfect. What’s waitingafter high school is real. The real world is waiting, not the magical worldwhere i used to escape.

But whenever i'm lonely and need a company, i can always open the books, readanother chapter, and reunite with them, right?

I’m one of thosedevoted Potterheads who has sleepless nights reading the books in one sitting,more sleepless nights rereading the books like I don't know the ending,anticipates the countdown to every book launching and movie premiere, checksthe calendar to book movies tickets, buys the DVD collection, discussed on theinternet about what would happen in Book 7, who would die, live, end uptogether, made up our own theories, got in fights over who’s good and evil, listens to Wizard Rock genre, likesfan fictions, shares fanmade videos, creates fan arts, gets alert when someonesays anything Potter-related, enjoys A Very Potter Musical and Potter PuppetPals, shops online merchandises, opens a page whenever i feel upset and meetsthe boy who had it worse, who actually lived in a cupboard under the stairs, sobswhile watching the trailers, cries, laughs, hates and loves with thecharacters, i’m one of them whose life is changed forever.

I’m a proud fanwho belongs to the Harry Potter Generation. Until the very end.

SPOILER and Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: Everything Ends

2011-07-15T18:01:00.012+08:00

SPOILERS ALERT!

don't say i'm selfish or tactless or anything like that for posting spoilers on my own blog, when the books have been published for four freaking years.

on 14th of July 2011, finally, i've witnessed the end of it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

wearing this yo!

and tomorrow i'm gonna watch it in 3D!
*update: i've watched it 4 times, not enough, not enough*

‘Go on, have a pasty’, said Harry, who had never had anything to share before or, indeed, anyone to share it with. It was a nice feeling, sitting there with Ron, eating their way through all Harry’s pasties and cakes.

i've cried, i've laughed, i've been angry, i've been crazy, i've been depressed, i've been happy. it's so hard to believe that was it, two short hours, so quickly passed by, and suddenly the lights filled my eyes.

i wiped my tears away when the fans applauded and a group yelled "Mischief Managed!". i applauded a lil bit late, and smiled to myself.

i was there, until the very end.

now i'm going through Post-Potter Depression, don't feel like doing anything else. after this review post, i'm gonna post a farewell (how i came to love it and all) post and a post featuring my merchandises (hehe).

now, the magic begins.

The Battle of Hogwarts

was awesome. you know what awesome is? no you don't, until you see this one.

yes i know some of the previous movies didn't live up to our expectations.

not only because they didn't include so many parts and plots, and changed some essential ones, but because of the lack of actions and wand fights and everything that boys like. i had no complains because the emotional stuffs were enough for me, i'm a cry baby.

but this one, EPIC.

It Does the Book Justice

some plots were clones of the book, that i even remember the lines perfectly and mouth them along with the characters.

The Kiss

THE FREAKING KISS WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HERMIONE REFUSED TO HUG RON AND BOTH AWKWARDLY SHOOK HANDS.

‘It’s no wonder no one can stand her’, Ron said to Harry as they pushed their way into the crowded corridor, ‘she’s a nightmare, honestly.’

tutup mata, jangan tengok lama-lama lololol who am i kidding

i was a bit disappointed because... wait, that was it? that was only it?

where's "there was a clatter of Basilisk fans cascaded out of Hermione's arms. Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth. Ron threw away the fangs and broomstick he was holding and responded with such enthusiasm that he lifted Hermione off her feet."?

where's "'Is this the moment?' Harry asked weakly, and when nothing happened except that Ron and Hermione gripped each other still more firmly and swayed on the spot, he raised his voice. 'OI! There's a war going on here!'"

where's Ron's "I know, mate. So it's now or never, isn't it?"

maybe it was best that way. they both had privacy, unlike usual, Harry's forever with them. and it was sweet, they laughed afterward. it was quick, well there was a war going on, wasn't it? but people say the kiss was actually longer, maybe they cut in some countries. and i've actually seen a gif of the cut part, so, yeah.

when they kissed i was "finally!", with a hand around my mouth hiding my big grin.

Goodbye Severus

god good god tears on my cheeks like whaaat. maybe because i knew what was coming, remembering the chapter i've read four years ago, and reread so often i lost count.

i'm glad Snape actually said Harry's eyes were like his mothers. even in the book, the foreshadowing was subtle. in the book Snape only said "look at me", before he died. it showed he wanted to look at Lily's eyes before he was gone, to look at those green eyes which had caused him so much pain, caused him to change, cost him everything, and cost him his life.

this scene shows how Harry was truly a boy with a golden heart. he hated this man all his life, for bullying him, giving him extra assignments, giving him detentions he didn't deserve, for being a jerk, for hating him and his father, and even more so for killing Dumbledore.

but still, he came to Snape who was struggling with dear life, and put his hand on that man's wound, trying to stop the bleeding even though he knew it was too late. and Harry's face, was priceless. it didn't show all the hatred and rage he ever felt. it was compassion, sympathy, and he was feeling sorry.

but Snape moved no more.

All Those Deaths

giving me no chance to calm the heck down, there were those bodies lying on the ground.

i want a longer scene when Fred's body was surrounded by his family members, and i want to hear Molly mourning, i want Mr. Weasley to rub her hair, tears streaming down his own face, i want Percy to kneel besides his body, and George to bury his head on Fred's chest, and Ron to walk slowly towards them, eyes wide opened with shock, trembling lips, and i want Hermione to follow him, to go to Ginny who was standing alone sobbing, who upon seeing Hermione, hug her and just cried her eyes out on Hermione's shoulder.

and Harry standing a few feet apart all by himself, having no strength to take another step.

because that's how i've been imagining it all these years.

when they show Tonks and Lupin's bodies side by side, almost holding hands, it was sad in a beautiful way. and others who died fighting, or who were the victims, rest in peace.

The Prince's Tale

WAS BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL.

it might not tell precisely, unlike in the book, how was Snape living his life and who he really was, what he had felt. but it was more than i expected the movie could do.

my hands covering my face, my tears were cold.

imagine being a boy who liked a girl, been friends with her even before you started school. when you both were enrolled, there was a group of jerks with the ringleader often kicking your arse all the time, making fun of you. the girl actually fell in love with the ringleader, and later get married and had a son. you were cut into pieces, and you joined the dark side. your boss killed your girl and his husband, but their son now, was the boy who lived. you felt remorse. you wanted to die. you were already dead inside. you went to the good side's leader, and poured out all your heart. you swore to protect your love's son, even though he looked like his father, his father who was mean to you. but he had his mother's eyes. so you protected him. but no one should know, only you and the leader. the rest of your life was spent being the good guy who pretended to be the bad guy who pretended to be the good guy. you were a double agent, a spy, whose life was at risk all the time. whose life ended with everyone's hatred.

imagine. and cry.

it was a beautiful scene, and Alan Rickman did it beautifully. that's why i've forever been in love with this old man.

Don't you look at me like that!
don't you know for a man your age, it's a crime to make a girl blush?!

DAN'S ACTING

this time, he really WAS acting.

Ron: 6 Months she hasn’t seen me and it’s like I’m Frankie First year. I’m only her brother… Seamus: She’s got lots of those though. She’s only got one Harry
Ron: Shut up Seamus

you can see it on his face, it was really something that we never saw in previous movies. looking at his face itself made me feel the burden, when he saw Ginny, when he saw those dead bodies, when he learnt who Snape really was, when he knew he was the horcrux, when he knew he had to leave Ron and Hermione on the staircase, give himself up, and die.

The Epilogue

WAS SDBFSFJBJKSLBFJLSFSFBS.

tears of happiness this time, especially to see my friends, all grown ups and had kids of their own. and Harry, oh Harry. boy you surely grew into your look as you aged. don't get me wrong, Dan is handsome. but Harry, sometimes he could have looked better.

why were you so handsome, 19-years-later Harry? WHY?

“You were named after two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin, and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.”

i was afraid at first they would mess up The Epilogue. would the make up be too fake? would everything be ruined? but it was not.

it was perfect.

All was well.

i deserve a round of applause too, don't i? :' )

The Last Red Carpet for Harry Potter Stars: The Tearful Farewell

2011-07-09T13:48:00.011+08:00

a.k.a The Live Premiere of Deathly Hallows Part 2 a.k.a Harry Potter Cryfest 7.7.11.

Cry? Kenapa nak cry cry segala?

ish aku rasa dah banyak post pasal Harry Potter aku buat, jadi malaslah nak explain.

oh ya, pasal BERSIH. aku bukan tak kesah. aku dah lama kesah pasal politik sejak kecik, sampai aku dah malas sekarang. sebab aku tau, yang betul takkan menang. buat naik darah tinggi je. jadi baik aku cakap pasal Harry Potter je kan?

but before we proceed, meh sini tengok video hari terakhir mereka. mereka semua menangis. saya menangis bersama mereka. mari nangis sama-sama T_T

OHMAIGAWD TEARS

until the very end, together we'll be :' )

This is the biggest premiere ever, held in Trafalgar Square.

i was there once, as a little girl.

but why wasn't i two days ago?! tsk tsk.

Red carpet tu teman aku buat folio biology yang disiapkan dalam satu hari sahaja hah hah hah. i've told guys, it was possible. semangat memahami cara untuk dapat anak ramai, atau tak dapat anak langsung, dan cara untuk elakkan penyakit yang berjangkit melalui seks sambil tengok mereka diinterview.

oh ye, kat London time tu pukul 4 petang, kat Malaysia pukul 11 malam.

thanks everybody, your characters are alive and affect me more than some people do

favourite line?

after a couple of hours the casts were interviewed, scribbled their signatures for screaming fans and posing in front of the cameras, Queen Rowling arrived.

thus began the tearful farewell when the Queen, the Chosen One, the King and the Brightest Witch gave their speech one by one.

yes Dan, i totally didn't catch you trying to wipe your tears away.

"Dan, you didn't get lucky" - Emma. AWHHHHH

Jo, you gave Harry the chance to escape from the cupboard,
you gave Dan the chance to say "Thanks Jo, for letting them to give me the job",
and you gave me an experience, second to none.

what made millions of Rupert/Emma shippers even happier was:

look at that Rupert. it's okay, just ignore everyone else patting your back and trying to hug you, instead go straight to your future wife's arms.

oh my god you two, get married and make ginger babies already!

I PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE. YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

and there goes my shipper heart. melt on the keyboard.

seven is the magical number in Harry Potter, you know? 7 Weasley children, 7 horcruxes, 7 books, 7 split souls, and more 7-things that sometimes don't mean anything, or sometimes are secret codes and leading clues that will blow your mind if you know.

yes. it's not goodbye, i will keep coming back. you know why?

"HOGWARTS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO WELCOME YOU HOME"

but my home is so far away. . . first i need to get a plane ticket to London, then i have to take a taxi to King's Cross Station, and where would i get my Hogwarts Express ticket? there's no Hagrid to give one. . . even if i have it, wouldn't it be weird to just run through the wall between Platform 9 and 10? oh why it has to be Platform 9 3/4. if i manage to cross to the other side, i will be forever alone because everyone speaks in British accent, no one wants to sit with me because i look nothing like Chinese so they don't know from what continent i am, and what if i am not accepted at Hogwarts? what if there's a mistake, the sorting hat doesn't say a word, and Prof McGonagall asks me to get off the stool and pick up my trunk because there has been a mistake, and i'm going to be sent back home.

but Hogwarts is my home, so no worry.

not only hugs, it's something shared for 10 years

even when i'm grey and old, i'll never let go.

i love this picture so much. the parallel there is... priceless. the first picture, you see the kids were happy, goofing around with each other. but the second picture, they're adults now. it's not just some random moments where they act like fools and laugh, it's the ending of their childhood and adolescence together. now it's all about hugs, teary eyes, and sad smiles.

indeed.

Mukaku Bak Bulan Berjaya Dalam Kawad dan Peperiksaan

2011-06-30T17:56:00.011+08:00

Assalamualaikum. ini ialah himpunan kisah-kisah bosan hidupku.

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Result Mid Year

tak capai target, tapi lagi baik daripada apa yang aku expect.

budak-budak, target dan expectation tu lain ya. gatal telinga aku bila dengar orang kata taknak target tinggi-tinggi sebab nanti kecewa. ish, itu fakta yang salah sama sekali.

nak tau apa beza target, harap dan expect?

nantilah aku cerita bila-bila.

sekarang nak cerita pasal keajaiban hidup. aku tau ramai tak percaya dan aku pun bosan ulang benda sama. aku bukan je tensi dianggap 'the school's geek', tapi aku juga hepi sebab selalu dapat rahmat Allah. padahal akulah hamba Dia yang paling tak layak dapat pape.

dapat result exam, aku tak percaya. aku taktau mana datang markah tu semua. kenapa aku rasa macam melalut, tapi tetiba betul? paling aku terkejut ialah bahagian esei bio dan sejarah. cikgu ni biar benar.

tapi orang kata, rezeki jangan ditolak. jadi aku duduk diam-diam ternganga sorang-sorang.

aku takut. aku takut Allah mudahkan jalan aku sekarang, tapi later, susah.

nauzubillah.

-----------------------------------------------

oh, hello there.

keep buzzing around in my stomach
and distracting me from other pests harming my inside.

you're one fly i'll always remember. and thanks for not forgetting, too.

-----------------------------------------------

Kawad Terakhir, Kemenangan Terakhir

aku berkawad sejak darjah 4. masa tu aku benci gila kawad. pernah kena cubitan berbisa Cikgu Aisyah sampai lebam luka sebab salu ponteng. pastu sumpah seranah dalam hati.

tapi lama-lama, aku mula suka. makin kenal makin cinta.

jadi sampai form 5 lah aku berkawad.

dah form 5 ni, aura akak Pandu Puteri darjah 6 tu datang balik.

sebab aku yang ajar budak-budak baru. kasi koman kadang-kadang. muka merah bila tak faham-faham. menjerit bila tak reti-reti. punyalah rasa seniority.

"tangan! tangaaaaaaaan! sharp laa! ni asal berbintang ni? asal capang? asal patah? asal robot? samakan barisan! jeling orang tepi! skip, tangan jangan gerak bila salah kaki! kiraan mana kiraan?! takkan akak kena kirakan untuk korang kot! suara mana suaraaaa! kalau kaki tangan tak sakit bukan kawad namanya!"

dulu korang bising kan kenapa aku jadi naib pengerusi? sekarang rasakan!

victory 2010, hanya gigi menyinarkan kegembiraan

aku budak sekolah biasa, bukan sekolah asrama. jadi senior agak takde makna kat sini. jadi bila ajar kawad lah aku dapat rasa keistimewaan seorang akak tingkatan lima.

tapi ada jugak melaun tetiba jerit "hek eleh yang ajar kawad pun sama umur!" padahal time tu aku tengah ajar budak form 1 tau.

aku pergi kat dia jegilkan mata sikit, terus "sorry kak sorry"

Alhamdulillah menang! ajaiblah jugak, sebab bukan je praktis seminggu, tapi banyak budak baru yang mulanya kawad tunggang langgang, tapi hari pertandingan semua melangkah dengan bergaya. pergh.

kepada skuad, minta maaf ye sebab ada marah-marah. tapi kalau tak marah, tak menang kan? kalau nak ikut kepala korang je naik lemak la en. tapi kita tak garang en en tak pernah denda korang en. senior dulu-dulu lagi hardcore, rasa nak call mak je kat public phone menangis suruh ambik cepat. dah macam homesick dah.

kita seminggu je praktis pun boleh, jadi kepada semua, terima kasih :)

nasib baik seminggu, kalau tak makin berkaratla muka aku yang memang berkerak ni.

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Muka Berkawah

itulah yang budak laki kelas panggil aku sekarang. akak muka berkawah. tak cukup dengan tu, selalu pulak pandang aku muka berkerut-kerut, tanya apa tu kat muka aku.

siot.

tapi takpe, rilek. mereka jujur. daripada budak pompuan semua senyap je, tah-tah dalam hati gelakkan aku. semua gumbira kulit mukaku tidak lagi halus mulus seperti dahulu.

sejak kecik aku dah tau kalau demam campak, jangan garu. tapi bebal. bila dah kena, aku tak fikir apa lagi dah. rimas. dua minggu aku duk rumah, tapi tangan sibuk mengalahkan buat kerja sekolah.

sikit-sikit raba sini raba sana, cari mana boleh kopek. bila dah tertanggal, pergh puas.

"ah! persetankan parut yang bakal ada!" bisik hatiku riak sedang jari mengopek-ngopek.

sekarang, nasi dah jadi bubur. bubur kalau sedap takpe. ni nak tengok pun tak lalu. begitulah muka aku.

sebelum ni aku tak pernah kesah pasal iklan krim menghilangkan parut dan cela. kesah pulak aku kalau aku tak cantik pun, yang penting kulit aku elok. tapi sekarang, muka yang tak jelita bertambah menyedihkan rupanya. terus kena beri perhatian kepada iklan.

google cara hilangkan parut cepat.

sampai topik parut aku pun dibualkan oleh satu kelas beramai-ramai, kecoh betul. ada kata boleh hilang, ada kata terima jela seadanya tak boleh buat apa dah, ada kata muka berkawah tetap berkawah.

eh tapi, bulan itu berkawah. bulan itu cantik. jadi kalau mukaku berkawah, mukaku . . . ?

awh tak dapat nak sambung ayat tu, terharu.

Trailer Terakhir Harry Potter: Deathly Hallows Part 2. . . boleh menangis sekarang

2011-06-17T16:32:00.010+08:00

you know why?

this is why.

apa yang epic sangat sampai hidup kau akan berakhir tu?

soalan apa ni soalan apa? kita cakap pasal Harry Potter, Harry Potter!

Harry Potter dan watak lain yang aku dah kenal lama, yang teman aku, yang ajar aku apa nak buat bila bergaduh dengan kawan, bila dibandingkan dengan saudara, bila cikgu macam singa, bila dibayangi abang-abang, bila obses nak dapat tempat pertama, bila disalah anggap, bila diumpat, bila rasa suka kat orang tak sepatutnya, bila cemburu, bila menangis sebab dia, bila dibenci, bila hilang orang tersayang, bila keseorangan, bila hidup penuh masalah everything seems wrong and nothing feels right, literally everything.

The series taught me from the littlest things to the biggest issues in life, from first crush to true love to friendship to haters to politics to the unfairness of the world to the matters of life and death. it taught me how to live as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult.

we've grown up together for ten years, and that's how much it affects me.

sebab tu aku akan menangis. baca buku dan tengok trailer pun menangis, apatah lagi bila dah sampai masa untuk duduk dalam panggung buat kali terakhir tengok Harry Potter.

here is the post for the first trailer of Deathly Hallows Part 2. just click the link.

and here is the final trailer of Harry Potter. after this there will be no more post about HP trailers, tsk tsk.

Baby Harry's crying, makes it sadder than ever

Snape, your glorious moment will emerge soon and those who didn't read the books will be covering their open mouth with their hand and those who did, will bawl our eyes out.

too bad the glorious moment won't be glorious for you.

The Tale of Three Brothers. Snape's Prince's Tale is the most awaited.

Snape mati?

atau

Voldemort mati?

atau

Harry Potter yang mati?

oh tak aku takkan bagi spoiler kat sini. sesiapa yang tanya aku apa-apa, aku takkan jawab. kalau nak tau sangat, Google it. I won't spoil the suspense for you. but many people did die. siapa? tengok sendiri ehehe.

adakah mereka?

will their bodies be laid on the ground lifeless? I SHIP THEM FOREVER LOOK AT THOSE TWO HOLDING EACH OTHER AND DEAR LIFE.

“You’ve been so brave.”

He could not speak. His eyes feasted on her, and he thought that he would like to stand and look at her forever, and that would be enough.

“You are nearly there,” said James. “Very close. We are… so proud of you.”

“Does it hurt?”

The childish question had fallen from Harry’s lips before he could stop it.

“Dying? Not at all,” said Sirius. “Quicker and easier than falling asleep.”

NOTHING IS EFFING WRONG WITH THIS EFFING PART
*crying in the corner*

The ending of the last page i read was 4 years ago, but i knew there would be a few more years before the curtain really closes.

but now it's a month away, and it's gonna end.

i know it's not going to really end because hey, we are Harry Potter Generation who will always be loyal to the series. the series will be told to our children, and that's how it will never end. i know that.

but the truth is, it will never be the same, right?

Always.

Saya Tak Cantik, Saya Okay. Awak?

2011-06-14T02:43:00.011+08:00

Assalamualaikum.

Sesiapa yang rasa diri tu cantik, dengar lagu ni. yang rasa tak cantik pun dengar lagu ni jugak, supaya takde sapa yang rasa ketinggalan (?).

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too

Ye ye semua orang Allah cipta lengkap ada mata ada hidung ada mulut tak cacat ok lah tu kan? er kalau cacat pun ada kelebihan tang lain, jadi kesimpulannya semua orang sempurna. tak cantik rupa, cantik hati. tak cantik tangan, cantik kaki. cantik semua orang tak sama, berbeza-beza, sebab Allah maha adil, jadi semua orang cantik belaka.

ye ye aku tau tu.

tapi sebagai manusia biasa, kadang-kadang kita rasa tak cantik kan? rasa hidung tak mancung pipi tersorong sorong nak ngorat si dia tapi diri rasa tak berharga what the.

kadang-kadang selalu je rasa tak cantik, kadang-kadang sentiasa.

jadi untuk overcome perasaan itu, mari teliti senarai di bawah.

Senarai 'Saya Tak Cantik, Saya Okay'

perkara yang anda perlu fikir bila rasa rendah diri mula menguasai diri.

1. kau nak cantik buat apa hah? nak ngorat laki? nak ngorat pompuan? jantina apa pun kau nak ngorat, sedar-sedarlah aktiviti tu tak banyak pekdahnye. memalukan kaum je.

kalau guna rupa untuk menggatal, kejar pompuan, usha jantan, pewwit pewwit tepi jalan, buatpe? buat dosa je.

pas dah dapat, kau bosan, kau cari lain. mentang-mentang hot, jadi player konon. hot neraka tahu?

jadi bukan ke lagi baik kalau kita rupa biasa-biasa je. baru tak ambik kesempatan apa yang Allah dah kasi, baru kalau dapat pujaan hati, jaga elok-elok, simpan siap kunci lagi. sebab muka pun tak semegah jadi nak tackle orang susah, dah dapat tu pandai la hargai.

2. kau nak cantik buat apa hah? nak kena ngorat? sukew lettew diew bila abang senior usha, bila budak hensem kelas sebelah tegur, bila junior minta jadi adik angkat.

bangga? test market di pasaran? bila nombor jadi permintaan? bila pompuan keliling pinggang? bila laki sangap sentiasa "hye. . . . . leyh b'kenalan. . . . ?"

kalau pandai jaga kecantikan dan kehenseman tu, simpan untuk yang satu, takpe jugak. tapi dah ada barang baik, haruslah tayang, kan?

betul, susah nak tutup mana yang patut, susah nak tahan godaan. kalau dah cukup jaga aurat pun, muka yang cantik sanggup ke tutup dengan purdah untuk jaga iman lelaki?

jadi kalau rasa diri tak secantik pompuan yang digilai, bersyukurlah. sebab kalau takde rupa, tak digoda, tak tergoda, tak jatuh kain baju semua, tak jatuh air muka.

3. nak ada banyak pilihan? supaya ramai yang beratur nak berkenalan?

ingat nak pilih mana satu idaman kalbu tu senang?

cuba kalau salah pilih? couple boleh clash. kahwin kena cerai beb. dah ramai sangat nak, dari ceruk mana semua datang meminang, mana nak tau yang mana satu kan?

cuba kalau muka biasa-biasa je, orang pandang sekali tak pandang lagi, tapi kalau ada tetiba yang nak mendekati lah jatuh hati lah nak buat bini lah, tak ke luar biasa tu? dia sorang je macam tu. mungkin dia lah apa yang budak jiwang panggil 'the one', kan?

'the one' bukan suka korang sebab rupa yang tak berapa ada, tapi sebab korang tu korang. daripada jadi cantik, banyak betul mengaku 'the one', pandai-pandai lah pilih.

4. sebab nak banyak kawan? sebab nak banyak buah hati?

korang tau ke siapa yang ikhlas berkawan dengan korang? kawan beribu tapi kalau berkawan ada makna je buatpe, bercinta sebab rupa buatpe. kang kena tinggal bila dorang nampak orang yang lagi hot daripada korang, atau bila berat naik sikit, atau bila kena simbah asid.

bila aku tengok laki pompuan yang sama cantik sama padan, aku rasa kesian. sebab besar kemungkinan rupa jadi pertaruhan dorang, mungkin jap je bahagia tu.

tapi bila aku tengok laki pompuan yang tak padan, atau sama-sama tak berapa cantik, aku rasa gembira untuk dorang. sebab aku rasa dorang mungkin kekal lama.

when looks don't matter, it's true love baby.

tapi kalau pakwe muka macam mamat 'Dia Pilih KLCC Doh', itu desperate namanya. takyah nak true love sangatlah buat perangai macamtu. geli aku.

5. nak konfiden? ye kalau kita rasa cantik, kita rasa yakin nak buat macam-macam. takde rasa gementar, takde rasa "orang kesah ke kat aku", takde.

but the world is so much more than that. kita tak cantik? kita ada benda lain untuk buat diri rasa bagus. untuk ada aura 'feel good'. kita ada apa? kita boleh buat apa? fikir tu semua, sebelum kita fikir "aku tak cantik, aku bukan sape-sape".

kadang-kadang bila kau nampak yakin tentang diri kau, satu dunia nampak kau cantik.

pernah tengok artist yang bergaya kat red carpet? bukan semua size 0. ada yang gemuk, body tak berbentuk macam super model. tapi dorang nampak flawless.

sebab dorang konfiden. dorang tak nampak takut, tak bongkok, tak sorok muka, dorang tegak tunjuk diri dorang, it's confidence, and it shows.

it makes them beautiful.

jadi rasa konfiden tu tak datang dari muka, tapi dari jiwa.

6. so what if you're not pretty?

someday, someone will love you and see you as the prettiest woman in the world.

there's someone for everyone. if now all you hear is "ugly", just wait and see.

semua orang cantik. korang rasa korang tak cantik? orang lain rasa korang cantik.

akan ada orang yang kurang cantik daripada korang. akan ada jugak orang yang lebih cantik daripada korang. tapi takde siapa yang kurang atau lebih daripada diri korang sendiri.

jadi jangan guna kecantikan untuk ukur siapa korang :)

Tapi Masih Rasa Unpretty

walaupun aku dah buat list ni, niat nak motivate orang, tapi aku rasa unpretty.

lebih daripada hari lain.

sebab aku demam campak.

dah seminggu, dan takda tanda nak baik cepat. seminggu miss sekolah. aku gembira, sebab tak perlu rasa takut nak terkucil termuntah bila nak dapat markah periksa.

aku juga gembira sebab tak perlu hidup dalam ketakutan lagi. lima tahun lepas aku doa "jangan demam campak masa UPSR", dua tahun lepas aku doa "jangan demam campak masa PMR", tapi sekarang aku takyah doa "jangan demam campak masa SPM"! dan "jangan demam campak masa kawen"!

hahaha no this torturing routine for me this week!

tapi aku baru dapat tau minggu ni minggu fotografi untuk majalah.

hati aku hancur. impian aku punah. aku dihimpit kekecewaan yang mendalam. aku diselubungi kesedihan yang meremuk jiwa.

tau tak yang macam Rachel Berry, aku anggap gambar kat majalah sekolah is a big thing? tau tak yang aku manusia paling semangat untuk gambar kelas, tapi esok aku takde? tau tak yang aku ada jawatan dalam persatuan, kelab permainan, unit uniform dan briged bestari tapi minggu ni aku takde? tau tak aku rasa macam tak dihargai sebagai pelajar? tau tak yang ini tahun terakhir persekolahan? tau tak yang ini kenangan? tau tak?

ok tak kalau gambar kelas aku pakai topeng dan orang lain pakai macam ni?

aku serius. tengah sedih ni.

How I Met Your Mother Season Finale Full Recap Semangat Ni

2011-06-07T01:28:00.006+08:00

So i wanna talk about How I Met Your Mother.

okay so lat night Season Finale of Season 6 was aired.

TEARS EVERYWHERE IT WAS A WATERFALL DOWN THERE. that was too much, no actually i had teary eyes only, but it's a big deal la bila berair mata tengok cerita lawak kan.

eh no, it's not merely cerita lawak. HIMYM is in fact, a story of laughters, tears (for it's not the first time tears were swimming in my eyes watching it), friendship, love, and most of all, fate.

because the series is so much more,
one of the best tales ever told

what i learn, is, don't worry if it doesn't work out as you want, some better things are waiting for you, and things have to fall apart to make ways for the right ones, and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. it makes us smile and think

"what happens today sucks, i hate it, i dont wanna live it, but maybe there are better scenes in the future episodes, all is written, only needs to be aired at the right time,".

friends started the year i was born, but i didn't miss even one episode. thanks to Starworld's endless encore from season to season

i get attached to fictional characters, and honestly i pity those who don't experience the same thing. yes, i get attached to them, and it's hard to let them go, like it was with Harry Potter and Friends. as much as i want Ted to just meet the right girl, i don't want the series to end either.

okay so, commenting about the episode.

It's A +!

Lily vomiting? i knew it right then!

when she showed Marshall the pregnancy test, i was teruja terharu berair mata lah tau tak. oh btw, i have always been curious. how do they do it? i mean the test. do they pee on it or dip it in a bowl of urine or something?

k back to the topic, they had been trying for months, and not to forget the day Lily thought she saw the sign from the universe that they should start trying to have babies, but it was actually not the sign she and Marshall had been waiting for. and all the wrong things that are happening in their life, then suddenly, there's a baby on the way. tsk tsk.

Barney And Robin MUST BE TOGETHER

Robin: No matter how bad things got, Ted really did love Zoey for a minute there. Didn’t he?
Barney: Yeah, he did. And she loved him too, didn’t she?
Robin: Yeah, she did.

seriously, that look in the car, okay mata berair terharu teruja tangan kipas-kipas lagi. they were talking not about ted and zoey, but about each other!

ah that a-couple-of-seconds-lasting look. i wish it was longer. or forever.

all the talks they had in the episode, semua macam buat aku "oh please get together back please," with barney's supposedly joke about his dad saying to him

"just marry her, you two look cute together, deep down inside you know you'll never be truly happy than you were with her",

and when barney asked his dad how to settle down

his dad said "a guy's gotta find the right girl. who knows you'll meet her tomorrow"

but barney said, more to himself, "maybe i've met her already".

but the question is, who's in his mind? i know it's either Robin who he's known since forever, or Nora, who he's just met, but made his heart literally skip a beat, detected by the machine use to check his heart's condition.

but Robin's the girl he truly fell in love with after years of er, to put in nicer way, meeting different girls each night. and all the nice things barney did for robin even though robin's dating other guys and barney was still. . . em, a womenizer.

at the end of the episode after they made ted realize, the were sharing this look. another 'the moment', again. i might witness the reunion of one of my favourite couples!

but suddenly there's. . . Nora. out of nowhere, she was there.

look at Robin's expression. at first, she smiled. like "good for you my friend, you've found her again, do not let her get away this time". but suddenly it changed. something like realization, or even heartbroken. she just realized how she's been feeling towards him.

but don't forget the part when robin bumped into her old crush, she was pretending to be ted's fiancee. then that guy called his friend, and said "remember that girl i talked about? i met her. but she's engaged, and her fiancee is a douche".

see now what i was talking about? that HIMYM is all about fate?

i don't care if Nora being there is a fate or an obstacle, i just can't accept it if Barney won't end up being with Robin. i mean, they're perfect for each other man. and my ship must win, seriously. i love them together. they're like what i want, ok, so they must be together.

When Ted was with Robin, i didn't approve it. because they're just meant to be friends, you know? and it's not the kind of relationship i fancy. Ted's only being friends with Robin in the first place because he loved her. but Barney loved Robin because she's his friend.

which one is sweeter hah hah?

from the start of the season, we found out that Ted met the mother at a wedding right? but we didn't know whose wedding it was.

well guess what? now we know at least, who's the groom.

MIND BLOWN.

Between Being Happy and Si-Si-Si

2011-06-06T23:49:00.004+08:00

Aku taktau kenapa aku dah jarang blogging. padahal banyak nak share, gambar, idea, pengalaman, angan-angan, youtube videos (suka hati aku laaa), harry potter (biar ah), life.

mungkin aku malas, mungkin aku hilang momentum, mungkin aku dah takde mood.

aku bet sesape yang tak kenal aku sangat, mesti ingat aku ni jenis emosi, depresi, tensi kan? okay memanglah aku emosi, depresi, tensi tapi itu semua dalam blog je.

dan atas kertas?

lagu lain, susah nak conteng. jadi Don't Let Me Stop You jadi inspirasi. aku buat sebab bosan je, tiada kaitan hidup mati. kot. tunggu exam sivik habis haritu, kaku jugaklah kaki tangan tak buat pape kan.

soalan ciri-ciri pasangan ideal? laju je aku jawab. nasib baik aku tak kasi jawapan lebih, kalau tak memang jelas benarlah keterujaan di situ.

dalam dunia sebenar aku agak gila-gila jugak kot, ketawa sampai menangis, cakap benda-benda mengarut, buat benda-benda bodoh.

tengok Nur Kasih haritu, orang berair mata sebab tersentuh aku air mata mengalir terus, tapi sebab gelak. gelak gila-gila masa tengah tunjuk babak yang melampau jiwang dan emo. kalau aku orang belakang memang dah kena hempuk kepala dengan kasut.

ada beberapa orang kata dorang nampak aku happy je. untunglah, korang nampak aku masa aku tengah bergembira. atau buat-buat gembira. kalau korang nampak aku emosi, depresi, tensi, ada yang lari. jadi kepada sesiapa yang masih ada kat sini walaupun dah tengok aku si-si-si tu, thanks.

aku rasa sekarang memang aku ok kot. kadang-kadang rasa happy, bersyukur, semua normal, semua cukup. alhamdulillah. cuma kalau ada masalah, itu semua kecik je. biasalah em, remaja? ew. tapi tak affect banyak mana pun, kot.

dalam dunia sebenar aku taklah emosi, tensi, depresi camni. mungkin sebab aku tak dapat tunjuk in person, sebab tu aku tunjuk kat tempat lain?

mungkin bersebab jugak kenapa aku malas nak blogging dah, padahal kalau dulu, takde benda nak cakap pun, takde sape nak baca pun, aku blogging tak ingat dunia.

itulah masalahnya sekarang, bila orang baca.

memang ah tak ramai, tapi ada jugak orang yang baca, kan?

ada orang yang aku taktau pun baca blog ni. ada orang yang aku taknak pun baca blog ni. ada orang yang aku tak kenal pun baca blog ni. itu semua takpe, the more the merrier. tapi ada mulut yang tau mengata je.

terasa ke?

kadang-kadang aku rasa kelakar, kadang-kadang aku rasa, hm agak kurang ajar.

takpe, aku cool je.

Saya Belajar Sampai Pengsan, Wah Hebat Kan

2011-05-29T20:16:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum. mulakan dengan Bismillah ya sebelum baca, berjela ni.

Kemanisan Belajar Hingga Migrain

Ceritanya hari sebelum exam Chemistry, sorang cikgu datang kat aku.

"saya nak tanya sesuatu boleh?"

oh dem apa salah aku camne leh kantoi mana dorang tau - "er, tanyalah," aku cool.

"betul ke awak selalu sakit kepala dan migrain? teruk pula tu, sampai nak pengsan saya dengar. saya dengar daripada cikgu-cikgu lain. dorang bercakap masa awak tengah ambik hadiah, hari Anugerah Cemerlang haritu. dorang kata 'kesian dia, belajar teruk sangat sampai sakit kepala'. jadi, betul ke awak belajar teruk sampai sakit kepala, migrain, dan hampir pengsan? sebab saya ada ubatnya, saya supplier"

pardon my French

SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY I CAN GO ON AND ON WITH "SERIOUSLY?"

aku tau aku dianggap pelajar nerd kat sekolah tu. masalahnya apa yang cikgu tu cakap betul-betul hancurkan reputasi aku. sekarang cikgu-cikgu ingat "oh usaha bermati-matian dia dibalas dengan dapat no 1". cikgu mana yang mulakan cerita ni aku taktau, baguslah camtu. kalau aku tau ada tayar kereta yang kena pancit kang.

jangan main-main, masa sekolah rendah aku pernah pancitkan tayar basikal orang.

aku boleh terima orang ingat aku belajar hari-hari. tapi ingat aku belajar seteruk tu sampai menimbukan kerisau cikgu-cikgu, itu melampau.

MELAMPAU.

memanglah bagus niat cikgu tersebut untuk jual ubat kat aku supaya tak sakit lagi, memanglah bagus niat cikgu-cikgu lain untuk kasihankan aku, tapi itu semua hanya 'memanglah bagus', kalau apa yang dorang cakap tu betul!

serious aku pelik mana datang cerita ni.

lainlah kalau aku memang selalu sakit kepala, mungkin cikgu-cikgu salah sangka, takpe. tapi bilanya aku sakit kepala? migrain tu pun aku tak pernah rasa kesengsaraannya.

sumpah aku rasa nak buat perangai. aku nak cari jantan, nak merempit kat Lorong Haji Taib, nak ikut pak kontraktor kahwin lari kat Lombok. aku nak buat semua tu, semata-mata sebab nak bagi orang fikir "oh, dia pun remaja biasa".

orang boleh ingat jadi aku, itu reputasi yang baik, yang aku boleh bangga.

tak, aku tak bangga langsung!

aku nak rebel.

langkah pemberontakan yang paling hampir aku dapat buat ialah. . . tak belajar Chemistry.

aku terfikir nak buat macam sorang senior ni. dia baca post aku yang ni, terus respon pasal pengalaman dia. dia memang pelajar cemerlang. dia stress orang expect macam-macam. last-last, dia tak belajar langsung untuk trial dan dapat markah yang orang tak belajar langsung patut dapat. semua terdiam. tapi sebab dia memang genius, SPM dia straight A.

aku nak buat camtu, walaupun aku tak genius macam dia. sebab aku nak kepuasan bila semua orang melopong tengok markah aku, kosong.

tapi perasaan "i don't give a damn" tu hanya bertahan sampai malam tu je. akhirnya aku cuak sebab tak study lagi. aku berazam untuk belajar bersungguh-sungguh *mata berkaca*

EXPECTATION: tido dua jam, jam selebihnya, belajar.

REALITY: belajar dua jam, jam selebihnya, tido.

haish!

BIOL BUAT BIO

makhluk bodoh mana yang buat kerja gila, ingat dia sempat belajar Bio, 2/3 DUA buku rujukan, bermula pukul 3 petang, sehari sebelum peperiksaan Bio itu sendiri?

takyah cari jauh-jauh, pandang je aku.

memang cari nahas. sebelum ni bolehlah buat macamtu, sebab sikit je kena baca. tapi kalini, 12 bab. DOBLAS. yang sempat aku baca, 3. yang lain tu form 4, babai.

paper 2 semua form 5, sebab tu lah aku baca form 5 je. baik fokus kat tajuk yang tak boleh hentam bulat-bulat kan?

apa yang aku suka pasal Bio ialah, kalau baca, boleh jawab. alhamdulillah semua yang aku baca, aku ingat. jadi, kalau aku baca semua, aku boleh jawab semua lah kan?

tapi reaksi lepas buat paper 2 : WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

apa soalan nak? kau nak apa daripada segala yang aku simpan dalam stor atas ni? ada banyak jawapan membuak-buak nak keluar, tapi kau nak yang mana?

orang nampak aku jawab penuh satu muka surat. takyah rasa wow laa, aku kalau jawab berlambak, tu maksudnya aku tak faham apa dia nak. sebab tu aku tulis je segala yang aku tau, pandai-pandailah cikgu cari isi dia celah-celah tu.

esei, pergh esei, pergh pergh.

aku jawab soalan yang aku taktau lagi banyak daripada yang aku tau, dan tak jawab soalan yang lagi banyak aku tau daripada aku taktau. aku tinggalkan soalan yang boleh dapat at least 15 markah, dan jawab soalan yang at least 15 markah hilang.

belum lagi soalan fight or flight yang KONONNYA TAK MASUK LANGSUNG LAH KAN, JADI AKU TAK BACA LANGSUNG LAH KAN, pun aku buat jugak. aku terasa nak baca fight or flight tu, tapi sebab semua orang kata tak masuk, jadi aku takut rugi je baca, baik baca yang KONON masuk kaaan. sekali menganga tengok soalan.

mungkin ini akan jadi kali kedua aku menangis sebab terpesong karangan.

5 A- 4 lulus

itu target aku. dah cukup tinggi dah tu. kalau mid year last year, dapat 5 A+ 4 A, sekarang paling bagus pun mungkin 5 A- 4 lulus.

5 A- pun aku taktau nak korek mana.

kalau dulu, subjek teras semua aku rasa selamat. tapi sekarang? A- pun jauh lagi. kalau elektif, paling konfiden ialah Biology. kalau Addmath, Physics, Chemistry susah, takde sinar harapan, takpe, aku sejukkan hati dengan Biology. Biology boleh tolong aku.

sekarang Bio pun lagi susah daripada subjek lain, apa cer?

cikgu dahlah target aku A+ untuk SPM. tak agak-agak. cikgu kata "kalau mid year ni awak tak dapat A+ dah, cikgu terpaksa turunkan targetlah,".

turunkan cikgu, turunkaaan! saya lagi tak kesah, jangan target saya pape dah. kalau saya tak capai target sendiri, takpe. tapi kalau saya tak capai target cikgu? lagi kecewa.

do not have me expecting for something if it's definitely something else

Minggu ke-3 exam = Merdeka Olredi

paper 3 semua aku belajar lepas subuh. tasawwur first time ambik, juga begitu. nasib baik ada beberapa jam free before kertas 2, sempatlah belajar. jadi kertas 2 ok kot, kertas 1 yang macam "apakah kenapa susah?".

bengong, what did you expect when you didn't study?

minggu ke-3, dah takde perasaan nak belajar. dah lama sangat. kalau exam 2 minggu, mungkin berkobar-kobar untuk belajar tu lebih sikit. ni dah minggu ke-3, aku dah penat.

cakap macam belajar gila-gila. padahal tak online, tak tengok tv pun, aktiviti tido dan berangan masih berjalan seperti biasa. what stands between me and studying is sleeping, tu je.

tapi betul, aku dah penat. penat 11 tahun ni. 11 tahun penat sekolah, 5 tahun penat kesah. aku start study untuk exam, pas aku keluar MRSM. time tu semua orang "dak MRSM mesti dapat nombor 1, mesti ni, mesti tu", so aku rasa tercabar.

pantang orang cabar aku, jadi aku mula belajar. aku mula kesah. sekarang, walaupun orang lain makin bagus, aku je makin teruk, tapi aku tak rasa tercabar. aku dah penat nak kesah.

memanglah perasaan kesah tu tak buat kau ada ciri-ciri pelajar cemerlang, tapi perasaan kesah tu buat kau penat, meluat, tau tak?

aku nak belajar sebab Allah, sebab aku suka, sebab ilmu, tapi rasa terpaksa belajar sebab orang, buat belajar jadi kewajipan hanya sebab nak periksa, buat belajar jadi satu beban.

cepatlah habis SPM.

Don't Let Me Stop You

2011-05-27T00:33:00.002+08:00

I used to be a little bit shy, I kept my deepest feelings inside
Speaking up to you about my emotions has always been hard
But this just can't wait, tonight I feel a little bit brave
So I won't let one more day pass without you explaining what we are

I'm out of things I can take, gotta high threshold for pain
Let's get one thing straight I'm not down to share you with anyone
If that's not what you're looking for, nice knowing you but there's the door
'Cause I know I can find someone who gives me what I want

this song speaks for every woman.

well, every wise woman.

and i am wise, thank you.

S.F.S

2011-05-25T18:47:00.002+08:00

SO EFFING STUPID.

to think it's not about the hardest exam ever, god i must be stupid beyond repair.

since when did i become this, this stupid in this matter?

just S.F.S.

SO EFFING STUPID.

Trailer of The Year: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2

2011-04-28T22:23:00.009+08:00

Aku dah 3 hari tiga suku tak online. itu satu kemajuan.

tinggal beberapa jam je lagi nak melengkapkan hari ke-4 misi ini: tak online sampai habis peperiksaan pertengahan tahun.

aku dapat tahan. tiada godaan, tiada gangguan.

sehingga tetiba aku mendapat satu berita. berita yang telah kutunggu sekian lama.

berita itu mengkhabarkan bahawa. . . . .

TRAILER HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 DAH KELUAR!

takyah cakap banyak, korang tengok jela trailer ni. sempena pemergian aku, sila ulang tekan button replay banyak-banyak kali. kalau suka, konfem takkan termuntah. kalau tak suka, baiklah.

Snape is the most beautifully written character ever
I love you like Snape loves Lily
The girl who caused a childhood crush to be something greater
I've never wanted any of you to die, either
Oh you red-headed boy who made me cry
and you greasy-haired potion master, too
you left the biggest impact i may emotionally die
and those last moments of those who didn't make it through
for every lost soul, my tears are for you
and you two best friends, you kept me waiting for 7 years!
that scene better be untouched,
or i'll kill someone, the director's the first
Harry, Ron, and Hermione, the trio with a friendship one could die for
and to every character,
you touched my heart more than a real person can do
to Queen Rowling, i'll never be the same again
thanks to you
for you make me stuck with Harry, until the very non-existing end.

i have : ' )

Unless you've experienced it like we do, you are in no position to deny this phenomenon.
10 years. it's not a phase, it's not a trend.
it will never end.
I'm proud to be a part of Harry Potter Generation.

ini baru teaser. belum full trailer lagi. adat Warner Bros mesti keluarkan sampai 3, 4 trailer. aku tengok yang ni pun dah teruja macam terlebih gula. bila tengok trailer akan datang nanti aku tak taulah apa jadi.

sawan terus, maybe.