Post Pra-SPM - Bebelan Berakhir

Assalamualaikum. hai blog, sorry berhabuk.

Keretapi Cullen

sebulan sebelum SPM, aku masih tidur setiap kali aku tutup mata, tak kesahlah berapa jam pun aku dah tidur sebenarnya. tutuplah kipas, biarkan aku berpanas, buanglah katil, buanglah bantal, itu semua tidak membantu. bab makan dan tidur, aku memang fleksible. mana-mana dan apa-apa pun boleh.

aku ada sindrom peminat Twilight, iaitu berharap aku Bella Swan yang digigit oleh Edward Cullen lalu menjadi vampire. tak, aku tak macam Bella yang dambakan sangat vampire berusia seratus berapa tu eh? ew, bukan sebab tu. the only vampire yang aku idamkan untuk menjadi mangsanya ialah Angel. kalau tak available, vampire Interview With The Vampire, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise pun boleh, emmm.

edward who?

aku tau kewujudan Angel masa aku 7 tahun. dia yang aku idamkan untuk jadi penyelamat aku, masa zaman kanak-kanak dilanda badai. "Angelus, save me! i don't care if you have to travel in underground tunnel, from LA to KL, just come baby! make me one of your kind, make me free!"

jelas jiwa agak terganggu dulu. tapi sampai sekarang pun aku masih rasa, ah, alangkah indahnya kalau beliau benar-benar wujud di alam nyata.

this is what we call a vampire, people.

sebagai seorang budak 7 tahun, aku langsung tak takut dengan muka vampire dia ni. malah, aku rasa bila muka dia macamni pun, dia masih hensem. mungkin ini apa yang orang panggil cinta~

my first TV heartthrob. if a TV heartthrob can be considered a crush, then he's my first crush <3

after 10 years, i love you still the same, now FBI Agent Seeley Booth :')

Berbalik kepada persoalan, aku nak jadi vampire spesis Edward sebab dalam dunia si Meyer, vampire tidak tidur. LOLOLOL. so kalau aku jadi vampire spesis Edward, masa tidur aku akan diganti dengan masa study. confirm jadi pontianak cemerlang sepanjang zaman.

but being an academically successful vampire comes with a prize... you'll sparkle under the sunlight. no thanks.

A fairytale in a fantasy, a disaster in this reality

 

do you know how much it hurts me? when people wakes me up from my daydream, saying "this world isn't a fairytale, get real". as if i'm a stupid girl. who knows nothing about the world. tears falling, the proof of having had it rough. i know enough. i know enough not to hope for what could be wrong in reality, so i resort to having what i want in my fantasy. i know enough to build the castle in the air, cos building the castle on the ground, might result in it being burnt down. i know life isn't fair. is it wrong to only dream about what i want, because i know i might not get what i desire? you don't know me, that's why you think i'm naive to be dreaming of a potential disaster. you don't know me, and i know better.

i daydream of the perfections despite the complications

saying to people God is fair, i believe i'll have it in a better way

they say life is not, i'm fooling myself with the fairytale, happiness is rare

so i let them in my mind to see why it's only a fantasy, why here it's a misery

suddenly they say some roads are straight, some people will not go astray

they wake me up brutally from the dream i know is better than reality

and they expect they can swallow their spit, making me feel okay?

Trial LALALA TAK DENGAR

nak dengar satu cerita?

alkisahnya seorang budak ni, dia tahu trial dia, ada paper yang tak sebagus mana. tapi nasi dah jadi bubur basi. redha kan jelah. dia taknak fikir apa-apa pasal trial dah.

kalau ada yang datang kat dia cakap pasal markah orang itu markah orang ini, memang bersepailah gigi.

siapa dapat markah lagi tinggi? aku tak peduli, kata budak ini. aku hanya fikir gred aku, aku tak kisah pasal kau, kau dan kau, aku tak kisah kalau kali ini kosong ditambah di belakang satu, kalau  kali ini 10 itu nombor aku, asalkan aku dapat straight A! katanya lagi.

Alhamdulillah, ada yang capai target, Alhamdulillah, ada yang melebihi apa dia expect, Alhamdulillah,  9 subjek tak sebabkan makan hati, Alhamdulillah, tetapi... seperti yang dijangkakan... subjek itu. oh, satu subjek itu. dan satu markah itu. satu markah itu yang mampu membantu.

lalu pergilah dia bertemu si guru, "cikgu, satu je lagi cikgu. one is what i want cikgu", meminta belas kasihan, kerana si guru juga memberi markah tambahan kepada semua anak didiknya berdasarkan beberapa faktor luaran. maka syarat yang harus ditepati adalah menyiapkan kerja-kerja yang diberi. puas hati si guru, dapatlah tambah markah satu.

yeaaaaaaaay! so tolonglah doakan kerja aku semua perfecto, dan lembutkanlah hati si guru, amin! aww naaaw, kantoi cerita ni pasal aku. macamlah orang tak tau (-___-")

i have a personal record to maintain. i have to get those 10 A's. even in other exams, i long for  no other grade besides the A family, and this is SPM trial, so what do you expect? it's not the real thing, but trials matter to me, ever since i was in standard 6. this is for me. for my personal trial record i've been keeping since UPSR trial, for motivation, scholarships and just, something for me. i want it so badly.

SPM; A MONTH AWAY

i know i haven't been blogging as much as i used to, but that does not mean the time spent not blogging is spent studying. it just doesn't feel right to blog to my heart's content, when i'm supposed to be working my arse off, even though in reality what i've been doing is waaay far from enough. unfinished homeworks, delayed study plan and all that craps i do all the time.

too many distractions, excuses, complications, matters, everything demanded by life, that i forget the student life i'm supposed to lead. this is what happens when you're used to it, you can't get rid of it.

SPM is not another exam i can study a day before and burn the midnight oil till dawn. i even think i was better prepared for PMR, when in fact SPM is the biggest thing now man. don't say "SPM is not the biggest thing, there are more important matters, there is life, there is hereafter...", well don't you think to compare what one hasn't experienced to another thing which obviously is far more significant, a bit immature? as a form 5 student, SPM is the world now. i've long realized that, but now it's time to act.

 

please, one month left. if i don't have enough will-power, can't even be disciplined and actually follow a routine in this one month, what will my life gonna be? SPM is a destination  lurking behind the corner after a short corridor, but life is a an endless journey.

the tangled part: distractions and complications

please, change that attitude of yours, stop being a sloth, or the future is what you might loathe.

please, pray for us, SPM candidates. ya Allah The Generous One, grant us the best heart, the best determination, the best shape, the best emotion, the best skills and the best knowledge. ya Allah The Most Merciful, don't test us with any kind of trouble or misfortune, especially at this moment. ya Allah The All-Forgiving, accept our repentance, help those whose feelings we've hurt to forgive us, help us to offer forgiveness, clean our hearts to be a white slate. ya Allah The All-Knowing, helps us before, during, and after the exam. give us the best chance, so we can give the best attempt, and grant us the best results, straight A+'s. ya Allah the Answerer, answer our prayers as we desire, Amin.

Dengan ini, Bukan Keretapi Biasa secara rasminya disita buat sementara.

Insyaallah, jumpa lagi later!